Well that there was an episode I could've written myself after the events of last week. Well, except for the insane part about the kids getting stranger-dangered.
So at the end of the episode, the Soviets realized that there was a mole in their organization. They told Philip and everything. So this week, when Philip suddenly gets abducted by agents who are demanding he give up everything he knows about being a spy, and later when Elizabeth gets abducted and also interrogated, nobody seems to think this is maybe the KGB trying to flush out the mole. And when Claudia does show up and makes the completely unshocking revelation, the Jenningses totally fucking flip out, get their soft little American feelings hurt, and Elizabeth actually tries to murder Claudia. Afterwards, Philip realizes he got harsher treatment than Elizabeth, likely because Elizabeth had once revealed her suspicions that Philip was getting too comfortable in America. So they're both super mad at each other now.
Meanwhile, Vasili pillow-talks to Nina about there being a mole in the organization, and she goes right to Stan and begs him to be exfiltrated. The FBI isn't really in the mood to do that, of course, so instead, Stan asks Nina to photograph some confidential documents. Because he's trying to get her killed, apparently. No, in fact, it's all part of an elaborate plan to get Vasili framed for being the leak, which does get accomplished, much to Stan's outsized relief.
Also, the Jennings children accept a ride from a clearly suspicious guy, because Paige is a willful idiot, and when it goes bad, Henry clocks the guy with a beer bottle, and they run away. So ...
Previously: Philip and Elizabeth were supposed to be smart, skilled deep-cover agents. Claudia told Philip that there was a mole within the Washington D.C. operation. Two plus two continued to equal four.
The morning after Philip's meeting with Claudia, he tells Elizabeth all about the mole. In between fielding bratty requests from Paige that they get a move on, Elizabeth laments the situation. Philip says he's going to have to lean on Martha for information. Get ready, everybody, The Wig is coming back! Elizabeth finally caves in to her awful daughter and goes to drive the kids to school. She remembers to kiss Philip goodbye and while it still seems half-obligatory and half-genuine, that second half is pretty sweet.
thing we see, Philip is all Clark'd up and calling Martha from a pay phone. He talks to her about how he can't stop thinking about her and she freaks out silently on the other end of the call, her big Beth Grant face basking in his attentions. He coaxes her into delaying work for a half hour and letting him come over for coffee, but as soon as he hangs up, goons come at him from behind, slap a hood over his face and drag him into a nearby van.
After the break, Philip is in some basement somewhere, far from the eyes and ears of anyone who could help him. He's tied to a chair, with a light shining in his face. He's playing the part of the innocent, misapprehended victim, as he should. Someone approaches him, broad-shouldered and khaki-panted and smoking a Marlboro. He couldn't read any more "AMERICAN," which should be Philip's first clue. I'm getting it out of the way right here that I think this whole episode is marred by the fact that Philip should ABSOLUTELY know that these guys are Soviets. He knows there's a mole and he even knows that there's a mole because the encryption code breach got leaked to the Americans, putting him and Elizabeth on a very short list of potential suspects. Whatever else this episode does right or wrong, it loses me at a fundamental level right here. Philip should know better. Not that he should be acting any differently, of course, but when the reveal happens, he should not be surprised.
So anyway, "Clark" is all fake tears and fear while Americano up there says they know he's Philip Jennings. He runs down Philip's personal details, including the fact that the details of his life pre-1960 are "a bit hazy." Oh, and he also removes Philip's glasses and then wig (which is NOT EVEN GLUED ON, Jesus Christ). Americano then gets in his face, telling him they know exactly who and what he is, calling him a "Commie prick." Look, I know the wig was bad, but hear him out!
At the Soviet embassy, we're spared the sight of Vasili and Nina having sex by mere moments. It's bad enough we're watching them bask afterwards. Well, he's basking. He tells Nina she's good for his weary heart or some such. He's bumming, he tells her, because they found out there's a mole in their midst. Actually, the way he puts it -- "The Rezidentura has been penetrated" -- might cause a lesser man to make some pretty tasteless jokes. NOT ME, THOUGH. Nina starts freaking right away, but he doesn't catch on that it's something he should be concerned about. He's too busy framing this whole mole incident as a referendum on his tenure as Rezident. Nina gets back in bed with him, but clearly she's mentally planning escape routes.
At the FBI, Special Agent John-Boy calls Stan into his office. He shows him a report about a man getting shit and killed last week, and Stan makes the connection that the guy was shot merely blocks away from where they were tracking Vasili. Again, there's NO way Vasili could have led the federal agents farther away? Anyway, the only information they have on this guy is that he was a Visiotech employee, and that Visiotech is working on the missile-shield project. (Okay, so... Elizabeth didn't get rid of the body? Maybe she couldn't in broad daylight?) John-Boy goes on to tell Stan about some secret Defense Department blueprints that went missing a short time ago. Stan says those two things add up to quite the coincidence. John-Boy says his grandmother used to say, "Coincidence is God's way of winking at you," but this doesn't feel like a friendly wink to him.
Elizabeth's at home, chopping onions for dinner and making the faces one makes when one chops the onions for dinner. Some sound gets her attention. Something far away. Footsteps? Upstairs maybe? She's already got the knife in hand, so she heads upstairs to check things out. She stalks down the hallway and slowly, gingerly enters her bedroom. A bottle of perfume is knocked over on her dresser and she sets it upright. Suddenly, behind her, a bulky man attacks. She is who she is, so she enthusiastically fights back and gets this guy who's twice her size at least down to the ground. Unfortunately, she's not prepared for the second guy, who comes up from behind her with a blunt instrument and knocks her out.
Paige and Henry are waiting at the mall for their mom to pick them up, but she's obviously not coming. And nobody's at home to answer the phone. Not even modern-day conveniences like cell phones would've been able to help them. So they're stuck. Paige, using her older-sibling veto power, decides that they're going to walk to the road and then hitch a ride home. Henry, with his younger-sibling prerogative, whines and says they've been told not to hitch. Paige just makes fun of him for being scared.
Nina nervously hauls ass to a marking structure where she meets with Stan. She informs him that the KGB is on a mole hunt at the Rezidentura and she needs to be exfiltrated NOW. Stan falls back on his assurance that she'll be pulled out in due time, but she doesn't have time for such lame assurances. She's looking at a bullet in her head if she gets caught. The scenario for people in her position: they get caught, put on a plane back to Russia, put on trial and are found guilty. "And I am guilty," she says. Stan simply says he won't let that happen to her. "You have to trust me," he says. Sounds like a perfect plan from Nina's perspective."
Back in the basement, Americano is working over Philip with a telephone book. I don't think I've ever seen that tactic in action. Keeps those fists nice and pristine, though. Philip's holding up pretty well, under the circumstances. Americano tries to take Philip down the slippery slope. If he won't reveal fellow agents' names, perhaps he'll give up dead-drop locations. Or communication protocols. Something. Anything. But Philip holds firm, denying he's a spy. Americano plays a recording of Clark's meeting with Martha from the pilot. (Which means the KGB is either keeping backup recordings of their own agents or else this is a recording that Philip made and gave to the KGB.) So Philip at least has to give up the ghost that he's not a spy. But when Americano directly threatens Philip's children, saying they'll be deported to Russia or at least placed in American orphanages, Philip looks like he might crack. But no, he musters up the strength to tell Americano to go to hell. So Americano resorts to his tactic: he has his men bring in Elizabeth.
You guys, this subplot with the kids is the dumbest thing. Like, after-school special quality storytelling. I suppose there was a thematic quality to placing the Jennings children in danger when their parents were out of the picture. It shows us how much Philip and Elizabeth need to be there to protect the kids from a predatory world. But the threat seems so extreme and arbitrarily chosen. Whatever, it's stupid, so let's get on with it. So Paige the Idiot Hitchhiker finally flags down some Dodge Charger with North Carolina plates and a paint job that might as well be called Molester Tan. The guy's in his 20s and good-looking enough, with no visible mustaches or tattoos or broken-off handcuffs on his wrists. But, you know, he's picking up a teen girl hitchhiker. Connect the damn dots yourself. Henry just shakes his head no and initially, Paige is a human being about it and tells Molesto the Obvious that they'll just walk home. But when the guy calls their bluff and drives away, Paige ends up changing her mind and runs after the car. She scolds Henry and browbeats him into getting into the car. Our little Karla Homolka here. Johnny Rape Jacket introduces himself as Nick and gets Paige to tell him she's 13. He fails to immediately tell her to exit the car, so he's officially suspect. He goes to shake Henry's hand, but Henry flat refuses.
Elsewhere, Elizabeth gets thrown into a tiny-ass cell, keeping her isolated from Philip. Inside the room, there are hundreds of photographs of the Jennings family, in all permutations. Elizabeth, Philip, the kids, all of them. Photos taken when they weren't aware. They've been observed for a while. And these guys can get to the kids whenever they want. That's the implication.
At the FBI, Stan and Agent John-Boy each have information for each other. John-Boy tells Stan that the gunshot victim turns out to have been granted the kind of clearance that means he could stolen those blueprints. Again, John-Boy stresses that he is not a believer in coincidences. So just GTFO if you've got a coincidence on you. Get right the eff out. Meanwhile, Stan relays the news from Nina that the KGB knows there's a mole in the Rezidentura. John-Boy immediately adopts the "shit happens/this is a tough job" stance, just like you figured he would. Stan doesn't look like he was expecting much different, so he came armed with an alternative plan, one which apparently starts with inquiring about some illegal immigrants who were caught smuggling diamonds in their asses. He asks if he could get ahold of those diamonds. John-Boy cracks a joke about how pissed Mrs. Stan will be if she finds out where they came from. Har har, John-Boy. Can't you see that Stan has a vague and hastily-formulated plan?
Back on the Road to Sex-Slavery-ville, Nick is still trying to get Henry to say something, but Henry is steadfast in his conscientious objection to his sister's idiocy. Nick then asks if they mind if he makes a stop first and Henry's like, "I thought you were in a hurry?" By the time Nick hands Paige a bag full of bread -- to feed the ducks, which is what he always does on the way to work -- even dumb old Paige is thinking this is all a bit strange.
Of course, none of this would be happening if her father weren't selfishly getting waterboarded in a basement somewhere. Meanwhile, the kidnappers summon Elizabeth from her cell.
Nick pulls his car up to the INCREDIBLY isolated pond and brushes off Paige's concerns with a, "You don't want the ducks to starve, do you?" He then offers to introduce Henry to "Donald." Okay, at BEST he's infantilizing these children before doing God knows what to them. At worst, "Donald" is the name of his accomplice. He pulls a six-pack of beer out of the trunk and then leads the kids to what I'm pretty sure is the same clearing where the Zodiac killer murdered his seventh and eighth victims. At least there are ducks there. He may well have driven those kids to a warehouse with the windows boarded up and told them the ducks were swimming inside, and Paige probably still would've gone along with it. He cracks open a beer and offers it to Paige, because he's been studying the Handbook for the Aspiring Child Molester quite closely. Paige takes it and is weird. She sips unenthusiastically, which I guess is almost as good as saying "fuck this" and running away. He hands Henry a bag of breadcrumbs to go feed the birds farther away, and then he starts in on how Paige is going to be a "knockout." Sigh. Can we move this along already? Paige says they should go and Henry is like, "Way ahead of you," but they're only about ten paces away when Nick angrily hollers at them, saying that "Somebody paid for that beer." The kids stop for some reason, and listen to Nick ramble on about danger and how he did stupid things in his life and how we need people to call us on our shit. He asks Henry to fetch him another, beer and he's halfway down the road to talking about God -- the reddest of all flags -- when Henry spies the knife in his waistband. Henry takes the beer he went to fetch and clocks Nick over the head with it. The kids start running away for real this time.
Stan and Nina meet at an art museum of some kind in a video installation room. Once they're alone, Stan hands Nina a tiny camera and tells her she needs to take photos of some secure documents. Doesn't matter which ones. She snaps at him that he said she could trust him -- now he's sending her in on a suicide mission for undefined document photos. What happened to the plan to get her out? Stan says this IS the plan. He tries to connect with her by saying that he's been where she's been, undercover behind enemy lines. He tells her she can do it. "We" can do it. She tells him that even if she could take the pictures, she could never smuggle them out. Security is too tight. "You won't have to," Stan assures her. Well that's nice and cryptic.
Back in the basement of pain, Elizabeth is brought in and set down in a chair facing Philip. Time to play Peter against Paul. The threat is stated quite plainly: Philip is to talk, or else he gets to watch his wife be tortured. Philip clams up, but when Americano orders his minions to start dunking Elizabeth, Philip at least asks them what they expect to get out of this encounter. This halts things enough. He tells his captors that both he and Elizabeth have been trained for this. They're never going to talk. "We'll die first," Elizabeth chimes in. "We know how to do that," Philip adds. Americano looks disappointed and motions for his cronies to dunk Elizabeth, until a voice from the back of the room tells them to stop. It's Claudia, obviously, because this has been a Soviet test, obviously. She says they had to know if either one of them was the mole. Obviously. OBVIOUSLY. Where was your training on THAT, dumb-dumbs. But no, Philip looks like he just found out that Mom and Dad were Santa Claus all along. Claudia orders that Philip be untied while she unties Elizabeth. Philip merely whines about her not trusting them. Elizabeth? Elizabeth expresses her displeasure in more demonstrative terms. After asking Claudia whether Zhukov approved this (Claudia says this order came from well above Zhukov; maybe it's time Elizabeth stopped thinking General Zhukov has any say in anything anymore), she punches the shit out of Claudia and then starts to drown her in the water. And while I'm somewhat devastated that this great burgeoning friendship between female badasses has quite suddenly been trashed, I at least accept Elizabeth's rage more easily than I do Philip's. Elizabeth still should have seen this coming, but she's enough of a true believer to be genuinely wounded that her loyalty would even be questioned. It's also a sign of creeping Americanization in her that she would be less forgiving of protocol when her feelings are hurt (not to mention when her children are threatened). Anyway, the attack is swift and shockingly violent. She tells Claudia to show her face to whoever approved this and tell them it's Elizabeth's message to them. "SHOW THEM YOUR FACE!" Philip also gets the upper hand on Americano, grabbing his gun and making him tie himself up in the chair. He pulls Elizabeth off Claudia and leads them outside.
Outside, Philip continues to rant and whine about "How could they do this?" Oh, I'm sorry, were the fucking KGB's tactics too ruthless for you? Boo hoo. He asks Elizabeth what they did to her. When she tells him it was just psychological torture -- pictures of the kids, no questions -- he stops in his tracks, coming to a realization: she wasn't the real suspect. He was. He accuses her of telling them that he considered defecting. Well, this is just a marvel of emotional control from Philip all around, isn't it? She denies it, but she does so in a way that makes it incredibly obvious that there's something else to the story. These two are such terrible spies. NICE POKER FACE, LIZ. "You're lying," Philip says, "I can see it." Like he's using his special lie-detection skills. Claudia can see it and she's inside the warehouse with both eyes swollen shut. Congratulations, though. Elizabeth finally comes clean that she had told Zhukov a whole ago that she thought Philip was getting to like it in America too much. This of course brings up the classic rift between them. Philip likes his life as an American and Elizabeth thinks this makes him a weak spy. Elizabeth refuses to let go of her core Soviet identity and Philip thinks this makes HER not as good a covert operative. It's a pretty strong point of conflict, but I just don't feel like rehashing THEM rehashing it all again.
Back at home, Paige is giving Henry deserved props for stepping up with Nick the Perv earlier. Henry feels guilty that Nick maybe wasn't going to do anything bad, but Paige assures him he was a creep. IMAGINE THAT, PAIGE. She tells her brother it took courage to do what he did, but they should keep this whole day a secret. Yes, I can see why Paige would want to keep the details of how she bullied her little brother into accepting a ride from an obviously sketchy dude in a Dodge and this necessitated him committing an assault to bail her ass out. Yeah, better keep that as a sibling secret. Anyway, Henry admits that he "had an accident" in all the commotion and she nicely agrees to help him keep THAT a secret as well.
At the Rezidentura, Nina sneaks away from Library Time to spirit away some files, take them into the ladies' room and photograph them with the camera Stan gave her. She's very nervous, but she gets the job done quickly. On her way to return the files, she's intercepted by a young, good looking colleague. (She couldn't blow HIM for information?) She covers with small-talk about dinner and manages to get out of the conversation quickly.
After the break, Stan places yet another purposefully suspicious phone call to the Rezidentura, while Nina is busy doing time underneath Vasili's thrusting frame. Stan hangs up and is very proud of his brilliant plan.
Elizabeth, meanwhile, goes to meet with Gregory. She makes it clear to him that she and Philip are on shaky ground and that she's once again open to his advances. Well, now everybody's playing with fire. She also asks Gregory to keep watch on Philip and the kids. She needs to know who's watching them and when. Gregory agrees to help her, and she manages to leave without jumping on him.
At the Rezidentura, Vasili is meeting with our old pal Boris, the Directorate S guy whose name we haven't gotten yet. Until this week (it's "Arkady," which is not a lot of fun but whatever). Anyway, Arkady tells Vasili that they fielded some incredibly suspicious phone calls for him today. Vasili hears the description of them and laughs them off as cheap provocation intended to make him look bad. Arkady says that may be so, but nobody can be above suspicion when there's a mole hunt, so he's going to have to subject himself to a light search. Vasili is perturbed but not worried. He's perturbed but not worried when asked to empty his pockets. He's perturbed but not worried when asked to dump out the bag of tea his just bought. And therein are those shit-diamonds we've heard so much about. Vasili is shocked. And now worried. He insists he has no idea what they're doing there. Cut to about a half-dozen men doing a floor-to-ceiling sweep of Vasili's office while Vasili protests loudly. One of the investigators finds the camera that Nina was using hidden behind Vasili's radio. Arkady connects the dots: payment in diamonds in exchange for intel in pictures. Vasili insists he's been set up. He might recall how the guy at the tea shop dropped his change on the floor, which must seem awfully suspicious now. Such terribly unobservant spies on this show.
Cut to Vasili being led out of the Rezidentura by the arms, past Nina, who looks on without much expression one way or the other. THAT is a poker face.
At the Beeman household, the phone rings and poor Mrs. Stan reaches across the bed for it, but Stan absolutely pounces on it, so much is he on pins and needles about the goings-on at his girlfriend's place of business. Poor Mrs. Stan. Free Mrs. Stan! Anyway, Special Agent John-Boy delivers the happy intel that the Rezident has been escorted back to Moscow, seemingly against his will. Stan is thrilled that his plan worked. After he hangs up, Mrs. Stan basically begs him to share SOME part of his day with her, however banal or vague. He ends up telling her, in nonspecific terms, how this job is scary for people -- not him, but people he "worries about" -- and today was a scary day for them, but it worked out. Awesome. Awesome job telling your wife about how worried you were about your would-be mistress. You couldn't have told her about Chris and Martha and the faux-pas with the shoes last week? Poor Mrs. Stan. Free Mrs. Stan.
Speaking of sad women: Martha. She expresses great concern over Clark's car accident and completely accepts everything he says as gospel. She kisses him and then proposes that he get his office to assign someone different to work with her, and Philip looks like this is the first time something like this has crossed his mind. Worst spy. He's like, "I just... can't. Now, let me answer all your other questions with: jewelry!" He hands her the velvet box, and she opens it to find a diamond heart pendant on a chain. He puts it on her, in defiance of what it might have meant for him and Elizabeth.
At home, Philip pouts some more and mumbly reports back that relations with Martha have been normalized. She asks him what he wants from her, and he says she's already done enough. Then he grabs a blanket from the closet and goes to sleep on the couch. "You're not the only one who got hurt today," she says, finally opening up to him. She tells him these were the people she trusted most, believed in most and they betrayed her. "The people I trusted most my whole life," she says. Philip just looks at her and says, "Yeah, I think that says it all." Poor Elizabeth. She and Mrs. Stan should go on a road trip.
Joe R really hopes Elizabeth and Claudia can get past this. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
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