After the previouslies from last week -- which end with the cliffhanger of Neko Starr and Ben Briley each hoping for enough votes from the viewing public to make the top 30, because that's valid -- Ryan is coming to us from the brand-new stage at the auditorium. I can tell it's brand-new because Ryan says it is. The stage currently holds 13 stools, indicating that the top 13 will be chosen by Thursday night. Like how the top 30 were supposed to be chosen last week?
Remixed title sequence and theme song, and then Ryan explains that it's the first-ever "Rush Week," meaning we get to pick our pledges. Just what Idol needs: to be even frattier. Ryan then brings out the judges, who take their positions at the table facing the circular thrust section of the stage. Then the faces and first names of the top 15 girls are flashed on the screen. Wow, that was fast, can we vote now? Actually, Ryan tells us that not all 15 of them will sing tonight; just the judges' ten favorites. What are they going to do with the rest of the time, then?
Oh, God, Randy Jackson is in the house. I'd forgotten about that, or blocked it, or something. That'll take up lots of time. He joins Ryan on the stage and explains why he's there, which is…to help the contestants, I guess, by working with them and going over the judges' feedback, and if he's as incoherent with them as he is on the stage he will not be helpful to them at all.
Flash back to Randy addressing the top 31 at some resort ballroom, saying he now gets to work with them more closely than before. Lucky them. Randy introduces his panel that includes the vocal coaches and stylists and "movement coaches," who I thought have been around all along, but now there's also a middle-aged couple who are billed as the "spiritual advisors." What a terrible idea. I bet it was Randy's. He also brings out Adam Lambert and Chris Daughtry, who I guess will be sub-mentors or something this week. Back in the auditorium with Ryan, Randy says that this will be one of the best groups ever. It probably helps that he didn't pick any of them.
Jennifer gives a long, rambling introduction of the first singer, Majesty Rose, and then we have to watch a clip of Randy interviewing her, if by "interviewing" we mean "bragging about the workshop he put together." She worked with a vocal coach and Adam Lambert on "Happy" by Pharrell Williams. She's doing it with her guitar, which has her stuck behind a microphone stand, and the song doesn't let her show much range, but she's clearly having fun and the judges seem to dig it as well. Jennifer compliments her on being ready and confident, while Harry says they were hoping she'd keep doing what she's been doing, and he's happy with how she set the tone. Keith liked the song, particularly the "moments" showing her vocal range. More like nano-moments. Ryan chats with her a bit and sends her to go sit on a couch and stare awkwardly into the camera all by herself while Ryan gives the voting instructions. That's another downside of going first.
Post-ads, Ryan claims that Randy and the spiritual advisors are trending on Twitter, but he's careful not to reveal what people are actually saying about them. Then Harry calls up Kristen O'Connor, who's halfway to the stage before Harry said her name, because he mentioned that she's a nurse. Good thing there's only one nurse among these fifteen or that would have been awkward. We watch her talking to Randy and getting some advice on working the camera from Chris Daughtry during rehearsal of her song, which is "Turning Tables" by Adele. There are some people who can sing Adele and get away with it, but Kristen O'Connor is not really one of them. Her voice doesn't really measure up, so I think Majesty is in the lead so far. Harry thinks she did a nice job, Keith likes her range but picked up on her nerves early on, though he thinks she found her groove eventually. Jennifer says she can hear her recording tomorrow, and though she was off at the beginning she eventually got it. Ryan asks her what it was like to hear her name, which isn't really relevant because she knew it was her when she heard her job. Which Ryan would have known had he been paying attention.
Keith calls up Briana Oakley, who Ryan reminds us is on her second season. Randy also remembers her from last year, and they agree that her biggest weakness is being too perfectionistic and professional. Is this a job interview? She's doing "Warrior" by Demi Lovato, and she's the first singer not to use a mic stand on the middle of the circular platform. She's anchored by a stool instead. But eventually she gets up and takes a few steps forward. It's nice to see this gigantic new stage being put to some use finally. Keith gets that it can take a while to settle into a song, and she found it around the last quarter of it. Let's hope that doesn't give her a big head. Jennifer goes on for quite a while about her range and voice, but says she needs to perform better and connect to what she's singing about. Harry makes a comparison to the Olympics, warning that high notes aren't triple axles. Ryan sends her wading through the crowd surrounding the circular platform to join Kristen and Majesty on the big couch he calls the "lounge." Nobody is lounging there.
Ryan returns to us from to the top 15 guys' section of the audience. I don't see Ben Briley and Neko Starr having to share a seat.
Jennifer calls up Jena Asciuto, who appears to have changed her name to Jena Irene since Hollywood week. She works with Daughtry on her song, "Paint it Black," which she's belting even though it's not really beltable, but Daughtry's issue is more the unconfident glances she keeps cutting in other directions. And then she corrects Randy Jackson on how to pronounce her name. Twice. On the stage, she's doing it as some kind of millennial power ballad, like if Evanescence was covering the song but not up to their usual standards. Not that it keeps Jennifer from energetically chair-dancing. She says Jena pulled it out at the end, with exactly the kind of gratuitous high note that Harry just got done warning everyone about. But he's got something else in for her, which is to bust her on not having any idea what the song is about. She throws out the word "darkness" and then fumbles a little bit like she was unexpectedly called on in English class. Turns out she used to sing it with her band all the time, so after teasing her a bit, Harry lets her off the hook. Keith appreciates her confidence and the way she holds a mic stand, and then Ryan dismisses her to the lounge right away, because she's already been put on the spot enough for one night.
Harry introduces Bria Anai, who looks like she's in danger of blowing out her voice before she even makes to the stage. Bria's the one who likes to wear the crazy lipstick, so it ends up that her chat with Randy was all about her style. She's doing "Wrong Side of a Love Song" by Melanie Fiona, two things I've never heard of before. She's also wearing a ring that says "Pow!", which I'm sure she would have loved to have on the show last year when Mariah Carey kept saying "Hashtag Pow" all the time for some reason. Turns out this is a big loud song, maybe just a smidge too big for Bria to easily handle. Harry thought it was more shouted than passionate, getting what Jennifer observes is Harry's first boo. Keith thinks she overshot it too, "But you still have the lips." Jennifer isn't about to start getting negative now, chalking part of it up to first-night jitters, adding that it wasn't a good idea to come running to the stage right before singing. Bria heads over to join the other four on the couch, which isn't anywhere near half full yet.
Ryan welcomes us back from the ads, saying that among the women still waiting backstage, "There are ten faces, but only five more will get a chance to sing for your votes." I wish he'd said only five bodies. Marrialle Sellars is called up , the first person we saw auditioning this season. She talks to Randy about her hair (which he claims to have worn similarly back in the day [it looks better on Marrialle than it did on him]). She's working on "Roar" by Katy Perry, which Adam Lambert has her slow down because she's strumming away on her guitar like it's a bluegrass tune. For the actual performance, she's forgoing the guitar, and though she starts off sitting on the stage, she's the first person to actually move around the stage much. She sounds good and has lots of energy, but I'm afraid she picked too low a key for her range because the low notes are too low and the high notes are absent. She does manage to keep it together quite well when she dances out of one of her shoes, even picking it up and posing with it at the end. Keith gives her credit for that, but thinks she can do better vocally and it was pretty karaoke. Jennifer would have liked to see her with the guitar like in rehearsal. "You're supposed to knock us off of our feet," Harry cracks, and says she needs to have better intonation, be in tune, and sing in the pocket., and show something of the star she is. Other than that, though.
Ryan is backstage with the remaining nine members of the top 15 girls, interviewing a couple of them like Malaya and Kenz (formerly Kenzie) for some reason). This probably does not bode well for Malaya and Kenz. Then the camera leads him all the way back to the judges' table, where Jennifer says the person fought her way into the top ten. That would be Jessica Meuse. She works with Chris Daughtry in rehearsal, who says he wishes he could have played guitar when he was on the show, but interviews that Jessica's singing is better than her guitar playing. Still, she's using it for her song, "Drink a Beer" by Luke Bryan. She sounds fine vocally, but it's not terribly exciting and she keeps shuffling nervously side to side. Jennifer spotted that and hopes to see more of Jessica's softer side beyond the edge that Jessica's trying so hard to project. Harry noticed that she had a tendency to go sharp, probably because of nerves; and that she wasn't really into what the song was about. Keith is on the side of anyone from Slapout, Alabama, but advises her not to smile while singing about death. Ryan gets her all choked up asking her how playing with a band compares to her usual solo gigs, and then she's off to the couch.
Ryan joins the growing crowd on that couch to welcome us back from the break, giving his spiel while Marrialle acts like his ASL interpreter. The girl called to the stage is Emily Piriz, who told Randy that she was singing "Paris Ooh La La" by Grace Potter, which they both know Harry wasn't into younger people singing, as we saw in the audition rounds. Adam Lambert coaches her through rehearsal, trying to coax her into being more rock-like. Tonight, she's manifesting that by wearing leather pants. And she sings it well enough, too. Harry concedes that since she's just turned 18, she can sing whatever she wants, but when he asks her to speak the first two lines of the song to make his point, they sound pretty creepy. Also, thanks to the directors for showing Emily's parents in the audience during this. Keith calls her on what she said in the clip about practicing being a rock chick in front of the mirror, and tells her not to underestimate her singing ability. Jennifer liked it, of course, because she likes everything tonight. Ryan comments on Harry being in "daddy mode" and sends Emily to the couch. Still seven girls backstage waiting for two spots, and they're trying to look like they're cool with it. Liars.
And the person to get one of those spots is MK Nobilette, who was allowed to acknowledge being gay on American Idol during the actual season. She's doing "All of Me" by Jon Legend, and Randy's invaluable advice is to give her best performance. Good thing he's there or else she might have decided to go out there and stink the place up. She does a pretty straightforward, solid, unshowy performance, surrounded by a forest of waving arms in the audience. That audience gives her the biggest ovation of the night so far, while one of her moms visibly loses her shit. Jennifer says it was all about the feeling, and Harry calls her an elegant and articulate singer, and she looked like she belongs here for the first time. Ryan even points out her moms in the audience. It's a new Idol, y'all. Should he bring out Adam Lambert again or would that be too much?
Before we find out who's going to be the last woman in the top ten, we're finding out who's going to be the last man in the top 15. Ryan brings out Ben Briley and Neko Starr, and claims they brought in millions of votes. But the one who got more of them was Ben Briley. Neko and Ben hug, and Ryan's magnanimous enough to send them both to the guys' section of the audience anyway. I still wish I could find out if there's only one chair for them.
Ryan turns to Jennifer to ask who the last girl is going to be, but Keith and Harry distract everyone by getting up and hugging each other while Harry says we'll find out week which of those two will be eliminated. Can it be Randy? Eventually Jennifer gets the floor back and tells us that the last girl has a huge voice and a huge personality, which is almost as much of a giveaway for Malaya Watson as the word "nurse" was for Kristen O'Connor earlier. So that's it for Brandy Neelly, Kenzie Hall, Brianda something or other, that skinny teenager whose name I've forgotten, and poor Jillian Jensen, who has now just missed performing live for viewer votes on two Fox network singing competitions.
Malaya, the goofy tuba player with the glasses and braces, talks to Randy about her new and old musical influences, and rehearses for Chris Daughtry, who declares her voice "stupid." A vocal coach advises Malaya to let her personality out, which Malaya isn't sure is such a good idea because it wouldn't match the song. "I'm kinda weird," she explains. Anyway, she's doing "Hard Times" by Ray Charles, and after an obligatory slow start, she hauls off and blows the roof off the place. The girls already on the couch give her a standing ovation, and while the judges don't, Harry's got the biggest smile I've seen on him all night. Jennifer says she's a powerhouse, and allows that everyone was pretty rushed and had a lot of nerves to deal with, but Malaya's still great. Harry agrees with the stress on everyone, and loves Malaya's "to-the-wall energy." Keith says she makes glasses and braces cool, mainly with her confidence, though he thought it was a tad over the top, but can't wait to hear what she does .
So Malaya completes the group of ten on the couch across the auditorium, and Ryan brings the five girls not chosen up onstage for one final…humiliation, I guess. Then, instead of the usual recap, we're given quick clips of the top ten performances with no audio behind them. Which seems a little weird, but maybe people who wait for the final recap to make up their minds shouldn't be voting anyway.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.