It's 7:30 AM in Salt Lake City, so naturally the town is crammed with hopefuls, dreamers, delusionals and one Austin Wolf, 16. That's another one of those showbiz names that Harry Connick, Jr. envies, like he doesn't have one of his own. She -- for Austin is a she -- belts out "Radioactive" well enough to impress all three judges. They give her unanimous yeses seconds later, right after we just heard Jennifer Lopez telling cameras that unlike on other shows, they really spend the time with the people who audition.
is a fresh-faced young woman named Kylee Adamson, 18, which I only mention because she's also a lumberjack. She's doing "When You Say Nothing At All," and has a pretty nice voice. Plus the judges don't even mind how she skips past the long breaks between lines. She goes through unanimously, and then we're on a whole montage of good-looking people, including Keith Sanders, 26; Michael Simeon, 19; and Tessa Norman, 19, who rocks the judges back in their seats on her first note. All three of them are through, big surprise.
So now it's time to move on to some oddballs, like scat-mumbler Samantha Townsend, a woman who applies an airy non-tone to a Joan Jett song and some dude with a keyboard whom Keith diplomatically advises to "get help." I think he means help with learning to sing, but that advice could also be taken more generally.
Alex Preston describes himself as a shy band geek who came out of his shell, which is why we seem him at home playing guitar, violin and drums. He enters the audition room with his guitar and does an original that one expects to suck. And it does, but the dude surprisingly has a nice voice and an interesting performance style, despite his perma-squint. The judges are pretty blank-faced, but they let him go on for a while, which is a good sign for him. Harry is impressed with the guitar harmonies he was playing, Keith with his singing and strumming and Jennifer with his efforts to connect. He gets yeses across the board, and Harry even says he'd go watch him play. Nice that he came to them instead.
The auditioner comes in wearing a totally distracting fanny pack, which they have her unpack in front of them. Don't worry, it doesn't contain anything interesting. This is Samantha Calmes, 25, who is also doing an original. Or as "original" as a song can be if it was written by somebody who never heard any music by anyone other than Ani DiFranco. Harry asks her to sings something else anyway, so she busts out with… the theme from The Jeffersons. Okay, so her musical horizons are broader than I thought; she listens to Ani and she watches TV. Harry was less impressed with her voice than her musical choices, but Jennifer liked the whole thing, as did Keith. They all give her a yes anyway, allowing the editors to play the "Movin' On Up" recording for her because how she's movin' on up. Get it?
Then the editors string together a bunch of people with great names like Ellie Duke, Phaya, Evan Sharp and… Julie Awful. She's here via the bus tour, which stopped in numerous locations all over the country to bring in the likes of super-smooth soul singer LeBryant Crew from El Dorado, Arkansas, who at least knows he isn't the first minister to audition, as well as Laurel Wright, 18, who brought an original song and her guitar with a pink capo. They're both through and easily. The guy who comes in looks so much like Ed Sheeran that the judges call him by that name at first, and he feels the need to straighten them out. D.J. Bradley, 20, underscores the point by doing an Adele song. He's pretty out of his depth, but Jennifer likes the sound of his voice for some reason, as well as his quirkiness. Keith found him more "disinterested" than "mysterious," and Harry agrees while somehow name-dropping Paul Simon. Jennifer's in and Keith is torn, but he eventually gets to squeak out of there with a golden ticket. And then Twitter will get to guess whether Julie Awful will get to go to Hollywood or home. We already know what Twitter will guess, because this is the one area where Twitter is actually generous. So now we just have to wait for the actual results. After the ads, Jennifer gives her a yes, Keith a no and Harry strings her along roughly forever before finally agreeing with her that she deserves another shot. So it looks like Twitter got one right.
Kenzie Hall is a little teenager who seems to be singing even when she's just speaking. So obviously her little John Mayer tune comes off pretty effortless, giant guitar and all. Jennifer figures she has everything, and Keith and Harry were impressed enough with the diminished chord she played to join her in voting yes. So for anyone who auditions year: vocal runs bad, diminished chords good.
Paisley Van Hatten, 25, comes in and explains that she lived in Nashville for seven years. As it turns out, she was on the verge of becoming a big star until she was brought low by alcoholism. And now she's trying to come back, though her fiancé ended their relationship over her insistence on auditioning. Like, whoa, that's pretty heavy. She belts out "When the Lights Go Down" by Faith Hill and turns out to have a pretty smoky, emotional voice. Keith likes how she kept it subdued (relatively, if you ask me), and they all give her a yes. Then she gets them to ask her to do her Cher impression somehow, which isn't bad either. "That's good television," Harry declares. Which is what really matters.
Haydn Olsen, 15, is one of the last of the day and has kind of a piercing, shrill quality to her voice. Harry's so sure she's not up for the top ten or the top twenty that he's ready to boot her now, Jennifer gives a yes and before Keith can cast his swing vote, she comes out empty-handed. And she could have used some of that pop-star money to buy another vowel, too. Some long-haired clown named Chase Boyle and an 18-year-old called, no shit, Julia "Missy Cyclops" Flores both oversing and come out empty handed. Jocelyn Baker, 18, and Blake Branscom, 16 are also not that great, but they get tickets anyway. So what have we learned? I'm not really sure.
C.J. Harris is an earnest young man from Jasper, Alabama, with a tragic backstory in the form of a recently deceased father. He's got a guitar and an Allman Brothers country power ballad. He reminds me a bit of latter-day Darius Rucker thing going on, and Jennifer says that while it wasn't perfect (which, see above regarding Darius Rucker), she liked it and they can fix the things he does wrong. Harry agrees, and Keith says he seems like a guy who has to sing. He's getting a yes from all three of them, and is overcome with emotion as he leaves the room and rejoins his family like a conquering hero. He knows he hasn't won yet, right?
The day starts at 7:00 AM, with a plus-size diva named Tequila Wilson 24, from Winston-Salem, North Carolina. She's a funeral home singer who apparently spent the morning bellowing in the holding room, but she's still got lots of vocal power left over for her version of Adele's "Someone Like You" for the judges. Harry asks her how her church will feel about this and she says she doesn't care, which is what Harry wanted to hear. They give her three yeses, so she's immediately back to bellowing, making so much noise that she doesn't even recognize Ryan until after accepting his congratulations.
Male model Chase Thornton 20, brings his version of "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars, and if he isn't a better model than he is a singer he's going to starve. Nos from all three judges, obviously. Utah isn't coming off so great here, and then the montage of losers doesn't help. Until Jessica Bassett, 22, who looks like the "before" in a teenage Pygmalion movie, snaps the streak by getting a no from Harry, a yes from Jennifer, and… a no from Keith, so she's actually not snapping the streak after all it turns out.
Keith hearkens back to his early career, and we get to watch some footage of him singing an Air Supply song on TV back in the day and getting some feedback from a judge afterwards. He says people need to take some advice and ignore some, and I wish I knew what to do with that advice. We also get to watch young Jennifer Lopez being a Fly Girl on In Living Color, and 10-year-old Harry Connick, Jr. playing at some fair or something. Today's Harry says he's glad there was no American Idol in his day because he never would have won, but we need it now. Let's hope he's wrong about the last part, even if he's right about the first. On that note, Emily Rottler, 17, comes in with a guitar, mustard-colored tights, and a version of Amy Winehouse's "Valerie" that works for Keith and Jennifer, and makes Harry think it's going to be a really good year for American Idol. We're kind of already there, but not because of the auditioners. I say any year without Randy Jackson is a really good year.
A cherubic dude named Dexter Roberts is from Fayette Alabama, where he's a farmhand and hunting dog trainer. He churns out an up-tempo country number that Keith spots lots of influences in. Jennifer wasn't sure if he was intentionally strumming a bit off-rhythm (he was, Keith assures her), and Harry likes it too, so he's in. Jennifer is still amazed that someone can sing and play on different rhythms, until the other two judges each say that the other can do it, and then Jennifer remembers she does that with dancing. I'll take her word for it.
Ally Roundy, 18, comes in with a version of "At Last" that has the honor of serving as a backdrop to a Harry interview. Keith thinks she's not ready yet and Harry agrees, so even though Jennifer doesn't, she's done. Briston Morgan, 15, is from Knoxville, Tennessee, and is a fifth-generation musician playing the ancient Gibson his great-grandfather used to record with. He's doing "You Can't Always Get What You Want," and Jennifer thinks his voice is "so unique," which it is, if you've never heard a whiny emo singer. To be fair, most of us haven't heard one that's covering the Rolling Stones. Keith hopes there's more to him than that, while Harry is worried about him losing his voice. Maybe he'd get another one, then? Eventually he comes out with a golden ticket anyway. And even with his song playing in the background, which would seem to indicate that he wouldn't always get what he wanted. But I guess he tried and he got what he needs.
Harry has a philosophical question: "Who are these people?" One of them is Carson Henline, who is 16 and looks like Tom Hanks's best friend in Big, but turns out able to belt out "Too Close" pretty convincingly. Another is Sabrina Lentin, 15, whose version of "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" is sultry enough to make Jennifer go, "Fifteen?" And finally, a dude named Leia "Fish" Lotulelei, 19 has a high, sweet voice. The judges seem split on all of them, as far as we can tell by the way the editing jumps around. Sabrina gets though despite Harry's no, Carson gets shot down and Fish emerges -- with his ticket -- to a very loud celebration in the lobby. Go, Fish!
Little Johnny Newcomb, 16, comes in with a big guitar and the apparent impression that "Last Kiss" is a Pearl Jam song. He does their version of it, at least, complete with an Eddie Vedder impression that Harry calls him on. Keith agrees that he's too derivative. Jennifer was hoping for more range, which for Jennifer is like spitting in his face. So Johnny obligingly does something totally different, all raspy and gritty in a totally other way, but still looking terrified as he sings. Jennifer's convinced, but Harry still doesn't think he's ready. As for Keith, Jennifer's peer pressure and Johnny's puppy-dog eyes manage to eventually sway him. So Johnny's in. The judges are still chatting about him when in comes Kimberly Tosti, who looks pretty normal but then shrieks "Barracuda" Harry thinks she'll do well in opera, and they all give her a no. Once they recover. Harry has tried hard to be honest with everyone this season, as far as I've seen, but in this case, I think he's being overly kind to Kimberly Tosti. She will not do well in opera.
The auditioner, Carmen Delgina, 24, has a family connection: her dad is Wonder Mike from the Sugar Hill Gang, who regales the holding room with "Rapper's Delight." Unfortunately, her version of "Tainted Love" is not good. Pick a key, young lady. Harry says he'll think about it while Jennifer and Keith make their comments. Jennifer says she's making it tough to say yes. Keith decides she needs her confidence back, so he's giving her a yes. And so is Jennifer, and so is Harry. So I guess they all thought about it and decided it wasn't worth blowing a chance to meet Wonder Mike, which they do when he's brought into the audition room. Now they can boot her in Hollywood with a clear conscience, I suppose.
The girl that comes in, Kassandra Castaneda, 16, gives Jennifer her uncle's phone number before starting. She's doing "Chasing Pavements," and she's doing it well without being all showy about it. Harry doesn't think she's ready, and it doesn't help that she threw in a bunch of those runs that he hates, of which he thinks she missed too many. Jennifer disagrees and Keith gets both of them, but he's willing to give Kassandra another chance so Harry's outvoted. For now. And thus he's ready to call Kassandra's uncle now. "He might be hot, "he shrugs hopefully.
And then we get ready to end tonight's show as it began, with Casey Thrasher in The Chamber. He hears the audition of Kenneth "Woodie" Gaddie, 28, who has just taken the judges to church with "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" and, from what we hear inside the Chamber, gets his golden ticket. And then the door opens, and…
What? We're back in Tuscaloosa? This is horseshit. Casey's living in his aunt's run-down trailer with not one but two tiny children. Back in the audition room, the 22-year-old tells the judges that his kids are 2½ and six months old, and he's doing this for them. Great -- a Jeff Gutt story on steroids. Casey straps on his guitar and tells Keith about how they met at the gate at the CMA awards, and Keith was nice to him. So he's singing a song by… Brooks & Dunn. It's "Believe," actually, in honor of how Keith said he believed in Casey when they met before. He sings the song with more passion than skill, but to be fair, there is lots of passion. Jennifer agrees that there was a lot of feeling even though it wasn't perfect. Harry respects his drive and thinks he'll try to get better every week. Keith can tell he wants a break, so they all give him one in the form of three yeses and a golden ticket.
So that's a wrap for SLC, where nine Utahans won golden tickets, as well as some from California, Nevada, Washington, "and nine other states." Ryan is not CNN's John King, after all. 30 of them got through tonight, so the running total is up to 193. From here, the auditions will finish up in Omaha, so we might just break 200.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.