Thenthe parents. Oy. Everybody's proud, and half the participants weep openly, to the point where a Kellie-appointed "snot rag" gets disgustingly passed around. Ryan, as you might expect, is offended to his metro core. Taylor gets a message from his band who, in their own words, don't know what the hell Taylor's ever talking about until months after the fact. Katharine's awful mother is nicely complemented by her pretty cool father, who sheds a few tears as he talks about how proud he is. Chris's family is about a bajillion times more Bucky than he is, making him the hot diamond in the family rough. Kellie's Grandpappy and little brother are effing adorable, and while I may or may not have been wiping away the tiniest tear (you'll NEVER KNOW), Kellie is positively reserved in comparison. Paris would have dehydrated herself on such an occasion, but we'll get to that. Elliott's family and friends give us the rundown of his Boy in the Plastic Bubble list of physical ailments. His mom is wicked cool. Elliott's in the bottom three, though, and they make him sing before they move on, because everyone involved with this show is a jerk.
If you thought Ace's Jared Leto brother was awful, rest easy in the knowledge that there's another, much worse Young brother. Ace is also in the bottom three, and is about three minutes away from going Falling Down on this whole show. He also has to sing and it's slightly better than you remembered it, but not much. Bucky's dad fills us in on the root of his son's Cali hatred, and I am not being a smart-mouthed Yankee elitist when I say that it is NASCAR. Paris's family of famous singers tell us that their girl not too long ago had dreams of performing your pap smear. It's not the most sentimental of video packages, but Paris is -- have you heard? -- a crier, so she weeps. Of the two of them, it's Bucky who is in the bottom three, meaning good things for your current recapper and bad things for my partner in crime. As Elliott and Bucky fight over who can comfort Ace's exposed biceps more, Ryan reads the results: bye, Bucky! Like I said yesterday, anyone but Ace is a bullshit result, but I won't insult you by saying I wasn't a little happy about Bucky being gone.
week: Rod Stewart, the Great American Songbook, and Jacob.