Bucky sings the frankly excellent "Fat Bottomed Girls" in his usual manner, which if you're me means wholly underwhelming vocally. It's a great song, though, so just by virtue of not fucking it up, Bucky's at least middle of the pack right out the gate. When Ace tries to Daughtry up "We Will Rock You," he gets utterly shot down by the surviving members of Queen, which is awesome. The performance is not awesome. The performance is HORRIFYING. At least, the parts of it I watched before I pulled a pillow up in front of my face in self-defense. Kellie is dressed up like Constantine dressed up as Kellie, which is appropriate considering she's singing "Bohemian Rhapsody." I think a goose walked over my grave right then. Then something very strange happens, where Kellie's performance goes through the several dozen filters in my eyes, ears, and brain, and the result is I think she rocked it. I think I want her to win? I think I want her to win! The judges acknowledge the utter stupidity of her choosing that song in the first place but are all amazed to say she was fantastic. Oh, and it might interest you to know that Kellie isn't so much interested in printable recaps from this site because she doesn't have the first clue what paper even is. Chris goes ber-Nadia on the song choice, opting for the b-side rarity import vinyl single "Innuendo." It's actually pretty boring for a hard-ass rock song, but it's Chris, which means it's super-well-sung and wildly over-produced. The judges geek the heck out for him, though Simon seems to be slowly losing patience with his song selection.
Katharine wants to sing "Don't Stop Me Now" and the rehearsals look totally hot and she makes me happy to just look at her, but then she changes her mind because why waste the chance to totally steal Mandisa's song? Diabolical, girl, I love it. The performance? I can't even get into it right now except to say that it is what "very fucking hot" will look like in a thousand years when aliens land and show us how it's truly done. Seriously, that was like watching a science fiction film. And the authorities say Jacob named ME as the person who has to go through his apartment and hide the unmentionables before his parents show up, because he claims to have died. I should probably mention here that all episode Fantasia Barrino's head just hovers over Paula Abdul's shoulder, and I mean that literally, not as a commentary on Paula's mental state.
I can't deal with Elliott, and you all know that. He's great! What a voice! Don't care. Sorry. "Somebody to Love" is a great song, though, so it could have been much less interesting. I have no idea who is safe or not this week, by the way. I'm so fucked in the office pool. Taylor jettisons the gimmicky yet serene "We Are the Champions" for "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," which no one has been able to sing on this show without looking like a total asshole. Check it! The streak is alive! It's like there's a rhinoceros loose in the studio. Nobody is safe, not the judges, not the band, not the audience, and certainly not the mic stand, which takes a Jared-Leto-in-Fight Club beating. I don't even know if there was singing involved, because Taylor scares the hell out of me. Parisokay, apparently after Alias goes off the air Paris will be taking over for CIA super-spy Sydney Bristow, if tonight's outfit was any indication. There is no Huxtable in Brooklyn to compare to what our girl looks like tonight. She sings "The Show Must Go On," and while the song is probably too big for her vocally, she came to Work It Out again, and you know that's where I love for Paris to be. Bounce! Bounce! Seeeng! Be the Fantasia you see before you! She was super-cool. Simon doesn't get it, and I kind of didn't get it, but boy howdy Jacob got it, so I'll be going to him for help in the recap, that's for sure.
Dudes, Queen week was awesome! Tomorrow: results. If anyone but Ace goes home, it will suck and be grossly unfair.