Ace talks about how his song was released when he was two years old, and Stevie laughs. In interview, Ace chokes and cries and whines about how he was standing to Stevie Wonder, and it's moderately okay, but then he says this: "Stevie Wonder is not just battling blindness, but he's battling the same thing that we all are, which is life." I love Ace so, so much. He's like the Ashton Kutcher of music. He cries and it's sweet, but then he gets all smarmy and fake and O Brother Where Are Thou smirky about how he's "overjoyed" to have met Stevie. With the tears still glistening in his eyes. I never know about Ace. Every week I get more paranoid! I hate it!
Onstage, Ace sings "Do I Do" in a black henley and jeans. He's very shouty, dancing all around with these weird little grunty faces and gasping and moaning after every single line like it's "Liquid Dreams" or a Britney Spears song. He heads out into the...oh, the catwalk is just part of the show now. How sad. Why is that sad? I feel that it is a bad thing. Like, they're all just Bo now. He broke down the barrier. The band is going completely insane -- that's how it's going to be from now on. If you're here for the vocals, I'm sorry to tell you two things: A) that has never been the point, and B) you will never hear them clearly again. Why does Ace's hair keep getting puffier? Why does he stare like that? Why is his stupid brother twitching like Hicks?
Randy loves Stevie Wonder, of course, but knows he can be hard to sing. He says that Ace started out kind of off-key, got okay in the middle, but that ultimately it's just really hard to sing Stevie. Which is Randy for "sucky." Paula too, actually. "It's so hard, you can't be blamed for failing. At least you tried." The crowd boos and Simon openly laughs at them, because they are sheep and they are idiots. Paula, of course, thinks it was fantastic. What she loves about Ace, you see, is his "spirit" and how he puts "everything into it" and how he has cool dance moves. Simon tells Ace he's lucky the audience is so stupid, and Ace laughs until the boos help him to understand that it was not a joke he should laugh about. Well, what Simon says, in the interest of journalistic integrity, is that Ace is lucky that the audience "is very easily pleased." Same diff. There is signage: "Marry me Ace! Or at least give me a birthday hug!" Can you imagine making a sign? I can't see myself at the show period, honestly, although it would be fun to go as a freakshow situation, like that shopping center church with the drum kit and amplifiers. But to make a sign? With glitter? And it could say something like, "marry me or at least give me a birthday hug," and then...what? Ace might see the sign, and hug you? Is that really what you want? To win the award for most openly needy, creepy sad sign? I hate that so much. Simon explains the totally obvious fact that this will not be the best vocal of the night, and calls it "a bit manic." I think between "manic" and "gulpy," we've got it covered. Ryan and Ace smile at each other and Ace blathers on like a total himbo about how it's all so new, and the stage is so, so big, and there are "so many new faces!" No matter what Ryan says, Ace is like, "Huh? Oh, sure!" Ryan talks and Ace doesn't know what's up for a really long time, and then as Ryan reads the numbers, Ace smiles completely vacantly into the camera.