A-Fed's in that tight black t-shirt again, and still with the funny, sad chin hairs. His performance in the recent past is not helped by his appearance in the awkward present. I've now heard this a hundred times, and there's just no subtle good to be uncovered. The moves are still hilarious and cheesy, the crotch is still crotching crazily, smirk smirking grossly. A-Fed's hair looks even worse; Simon and Ryan share a homophobic love bite.
is Carrie, whose hair is crazy, but not as much as we thought before Nadia's hair taught us just how fucked up hair could be. It's a pretty good performance but, like, there's no there there. Her eyes don't ping. Paula found Simon's assertion that she would win/outsell every Idol ever both premature and kind of rude. Carrie's wearing another Oleson dress, giving her the best of both worlds, spin-wise.
"Scotty Body" sings "Against All Odds" andI specialize in judging books by their covers, and it's really upsetting when people get savant, like where the affect doesn't betray any spirit, not a spark of intelligence shows in the eyes, and then they do something as deeply smart as singing the way he does, it's weird. Simon explains how without the whole history, you wouldn't really be that amazed. Somewhat valid.
"Nice" and "boring" are unworthy of Bo Bice. Even here, where he just goes around emoting and saving time in a bottle. He'ssoothing and manly; he's the best camp counselor ever. Randy calls it "subdued" and "hot," and likes it more tonight. Bo loves Croce, won't cut his hair, and smiles a sec before remembering what we talked about.
Nikko comes on dressed like Jack the Ripper, then shrugs off his jacket and dances. There's a certain Urkeltude to Nikko that keeps me from seeing him as a man and more as a nice young guy who wears lots of different costumes. Tonight he's got crazy gold bling and looks like a kid in the park. Randy calls it the best performance of the night.
Vonzell is so approachable, you feel like you're singing backup for her. Paula points out how pretty she looks tonight, how great she sounds, how fun to watch. Randy calls her the most improved, and says each week she gets better and more confident. Simon calls her "infectious," and Ryan ribs her for praying to get around the set in new shoes.
Of all the indignities of this do-over show, the fact I have to watch this awful Constantine crap even once more makes me sickest. Simon "explains" the poodle thing: 2Cats being so hardcore, last night's song was like someone from Metallica singing something else, whatever, it's dumb lies and not holding my interest. Paula explains how this is all a huge joke and 2Cats admits AI's retarded and we get it.
I love Nadia's relationship with her body: she's such a dancer, the way she relates so naturally to the music. And confident! Enough so to make up her own lyrics: where a lesser performer might be "caught up in circles," e.g., Nadia find herself "always with splircles." Much more "artsy-fartsy" that way. Her pet gay boys cheer and she giggles and dedicates the mohawk to Mario V. Ryan mumbles, "Why'd he leave?" and they both giggle and have "no idea" why. SO AWESOME. Simon hates her even more tonight, at which Ryan and Nadia share a scoff.
Mikalah sings her song by the immensely weird and affected Taylor Dayne, and our familiarity with the song, and with Mikalah's weird voice, reduces it all down to one-fifth as warped-sounding, making this a good call. Mikalah looks cute (if wearing a "My Job Is To Annoy You" t-shirt: tragic), and Simon calls the song not so much the problem as what came out of her mouth. There are both cheers and boos here, hilariously. Then Mikalah attempts to lead some kind of Stonewallian fan coup or something.
Anwar sings Chaka Khan, going for a certain kind of sexy he will never, ever have. It is simply not in his armamentarium. Then he giggles, and Ryan again stares slack-jawed at Anwar, who refers to watching the video as "holistic," redeeming my use of the word "armamentarium" above. Anwar sasses Randy and gets a cheer even though he's wrong: it was neither unique nor passionate in the least.
What really comes through, with Jessica, is the beautiful vocal clarity, from note one, and perfect use of the smoky: it's a choice every time, and really neat to watch. The look she gives us at the end is incredibly confident. She's a cool musician. Paula agrees with Paula of the past, and Simon says she has one of the strongest voices in the competition.
Scott continues to flirt with Jessica, Ryan pinkie-swears the numbers are right this time, and then I like when Bo tells the chubby guitarist he'd like to spend some time in a bottle with him, it's sweet, and I like Mikalah's face, and Jessica giving me "fierce."
Featured singers tonight in the final tableau: Jessica, Mikalah, Constantine, and Bo. Guess that answers that.