Commercials. When we return, Ryan wastes little time (other than to remind us that we're voting for people) before introducing Diana "Under Pressure" Degarmo to sing "Someone to Watch Over Me." Will this someone she's longing to meet perhaps be Carson Kressley of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? She may have to wait a little bit, because I think he had a stroke after seeing the dress Diana is wearing. Somebody took a shiny bluish-purple curtain from a convention center booth, added some white lace trim, and made a dress out of it. An ugly dress. In case we aren't clear. It's not just the color and type of fabric that's unflattering; it's also sleeveless and too short. I really want the person who created that dress to have to explain to the world what the hell he or she was thinking. Diana's rendition of the song fall less under the mood of "wistful" and more under "begging," or possibly "demanding." She's a bit too loud, and a bit too rough in parts. But she is getting a little bit better with the emotional connections. So maybe if we all keep treating her like crap, she will eventually become a great performer. And develop a severe drinking and drug abuse problem.
They're not splitting up the two performances from the kids as they've done in previous seasons. Instead, the kids show us what it will be like when we eventually see them as a Vegas lounge act and engage in some awkward audience patter. Diana chipperly tells the audience that they rock, and gives them a thumbs-up. She says she sang that song for her grandfather because it's one of his favorites. Then she gives a shout-out to her brother and all the folks in the Army and thanks them for "watching over us." Pavlov's Dawgs applaud. She tells them they're not going to stay sad, though, because if people want that they can switch over to CNN and then go fetal on the living room floor, not that I've done such a thing. She's going to sing a happy song next, by one of her favorites, Judy Garland. And that song would be "Get Happy." Oh, that is a fun song. Let's look at a verse: "We're headin' 'cross the river. / Gonna wash our sins in the tide. / It's all so peaceful / on the other side." Happy! It doesn't matter that the song has references to Judgment Day in it. It's called "Get Happy," so it must be happy and not subtextually suicidal! Man, good thing she didn't dedicate this one to the troops. She orders Pavlov's Dawgs to their feet. She beauty-pageant smarms her way across the stage, singing about how God is waiting to take your hand and how we should all be happy to die because all our troubles will be over. Yay! Okay, I may be overstating the song's intentions just a little bit, but really. The audience claps. She sings with that creepy pageant smile. She wanders over toward the band. Then back to the front of the stage. Her singing is solid and dull.