We start in a time warp, looking at a young, raven-haired girl in a zebra-print cowboy hat telling Rosie O'Donnell on her show in 1990-something that she's never taken a voice lesson. Obviously that's Kree, back when she had parents. Archival footage of Candice Glover is rather more recent and a lot less glam, with clips of her showing up for auditions in seasons nine and ten looking like a hot mess. Both of them have the same dream and between Candice's talent advantage and Kree's demographic advantage, I seriously have no idea which of them is going to take this. Notice I didn't say "win."
Ryan's shown up in a tux tonight, and the always-reliable celebrity-cam doesn't let us down tonight as it picks out the most famous person in the audience -- yep, there's Rob Schneider! The judges are already at their table, sparing us their usual slow-moving entrance, all of them similarly dressed up for the occasion save Keith. Ryan reminds us that it's the first girl vs. girl finale since Season Three, and polls the audience by applause. Since those results aren't binding anyway, I'm not going to declare a winner. Finally Ryan brings out Kree and Candice and announces that one of them will be the American Idol. I don't know -- I'm still not convinced that some dude with a guitar isn't going to swoop in and steal it somehow. It could happen.
Three rounds again tonight: one song picked by producer Simon Fuller, their potential single, and their own favorite song of the season. Because Kree won last week's coin toss, she gets to go first and Simon Fuller has chosen "Angel" as Kree's song, which seems like a huge advantage for her because there are any number of songs with that title and she could just pick her favorite, right? She has wisely gone with the one by Sarah McLachlan, making it all about her voice with a stripped-down arrangement that's mainly just piano with a little steel guitar in the mix because Kree. Ryan gives us all four of her voting numbers. You know, what if in these multi-round stages, people could vote using separate phone numbers for individual performances instead of the entire singer? That might be interesting. It probably wouldn't, but it might be.
Simon Fuller has picked "Chasing Pavements" for Candice. So between Sarah McLachlan and Adele, I think the main thing we've learned from this round is how very pedestrian Simon Fuller's musical tastes are. The song is completely undemanding for Candice, which is the kind of thing that drives Jimmy Iovine nuts. I'm not a big fan of it either, frankly.
After Ryan dismisses Candice from the stage, Ryan suddenly remembers that the judges exist and asks for some remarks from Mariah and Randy. She gushes about how proud she is of the girls and America, and short-timer Randy recklessly says that while he wouldn't have picked the songs Simon Fuller did, he gives Candice the round for showing a little more range, while Mariah appreciated Kree's subtlety. Because American Idol is all about subtlety.
Coming back, Ryan's got the top two in the aisle, asking how they pace themselves with three songs in one night. Unlike the professional performers they both hope to be, who can get butts in seats by doing one number and then being all "goodnight everybody!" Speaking of which, Carly Rae Jepsen comes out and performs her watery new single. This is the one with lyrics, choreography and production elements decided by popular vote over the past few weeks, which of course means none of it is ever going to be especially popular. Afterward, Ryan joins her onstage and tells everyone that Coca-Cola is giving away 20,000 downloads of the song. Good luck with that, Coca-Cola. I suspect there will still be several pallets of downloads taking up space in an Atlanta warehouse by this time month.
After the ads, Ryan plugs the summer tour while sweeping some swoony middle-aged lady in the audience off her feet or at least off her butt. Then Kree's back with her putative single, "All Cried Out." Guess what? It's a country ballad. And it's no "Home," either; it's got that distinctive Idol stamp that in most of the music industry is described as "first-draft lyrics." But there's a big, soaring chorus that allows Kree's voice to shine, so that's about as much as she could reasonably expect. She even gets a standing ovation from Keith, Randy and Mariah. No comments again, though, not that I'm complaining.
Candice's single is called "I Am Beautiful," which turns out to be a syrupy, string-laden rewrite of "According to Him" by Orianthi, the guest guitarist from earlier in the season. It doesn't have the high notes Kree got to show off with, but it also touches on one of the themes that some people have been tap dancing around with regard to Candice, so she has the edge this round. This one gets a standing O from all four judges.
After Candice leaves the stage, Ryan turns to Keith and Nicki for their take on the second round. Nicki says that Kree's song made her dig deeper than she usually has to, while Keith says both songs are tailor-made for them. "It fits her like a Glover," Keith says, which Randy obviously wishes he'd said and which I wish Keith hadn't.
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After the ads, Ryan's still not satisfied, so he asks them to pick their winners from round two. Keith picks Kree and Nicki says Candice. "It's on!" Ryan says, and puts a lid on it immediately so it goes back off again. Kree's personal favorite song for tonight's third round is "Up to the Mountain," which she did in Las Vegas. Do the rules specify that each finalist's favorite song from the season has to be a song they sang? Because it might be fun to watch them try to swap. Or get behind the piano for an Angie Miller original or try some Devin Velez Spanglish. Kree's doing fine with this, though, benefiting from a full gospel choir backing her up and nailing the big finish, earning her first four-way standing ovation of the night from the judges. Who actually get to make some comments now. Keith talks about her spirit and soulfulness, Nicki talks about her beautiful voice and soul, Randy calls it her best performance of the night and Mariah agrees with him. But Mariah also says she loved "both performances" of the three. Ouch!
Candice is shrouded in fog for her repeat performance of "I Who Have Nothing," which starts out a capella and blows Kree out of the sky by the first verse. And it just gets better, effortlessly, from there. Yeah, what I said before about not wanting to call it? I just called it. Candice kills it with this song, and the people who'll will be screaming blue murder on Friday if she doesn't win? Well, I... won't disagree with them. The judges are catapulted out of their seats by the end. Keith is blown away, calling it like "a planet exploding to life." Nicki thought Candice was a lot more comfortable with this song, like a superstar commanding the stage. Randy says, "Yo," a sound which, now that it's almost too late, makes me wish I had invented a device to convert his utterance of that word to the infrared signal that DVRs read as "fast forward." He goes on about how great the competition is and how great Candice is... and fuck it, I'm signing up for an electronics class anyway. Mariah says it's all about Candice's voice and promises to listen to her for years to come. Ryan gives the voting numbers, promises four hours of open voting lines, and rolls the recap clip. Ryan asks Randy for some final thoughts and Randy shares the penetrating insight that it's very close and everyone should vote. Are we seriously getting out of here in just over an hour? Awesome; now I can rest up for tomorrow night. Between this and The Office, I'm going to need it.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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