By M. Giant
What are the editors to do without a dramatic elimination from last week to make ten times more dramatic? Well, there's always the unexpected electoral faceplant of Jessica Sanchez, and her summary removal from the chopping block, accompanied by the flashing of Zen koans on the screen about beginnings and endings and endings and beginnings and does this mean it's already over?
The judges enter, with Jennifer wearing the pelt of a robot she killed and skinned on the way over. Ryan's usual shit-eating grin for his entry is absent, presumably due to the loss of his mentor Dick Clark just hours ago. Indeed, that sad event is the first thing Ryan refers to, but then he says Dick is somewhere telling them to get on with the show, so that's all they can do. I actually do feel bad for Ryan right now, especially because he looks a bit bloated from having just consumed Dick Clark's still-warm vital organs in order to absorb his power.
Then it's time for the entrance of the top seven, of which there are still seven. Ryan says these two hours will have the "most music ever," because each finalist will sing not one but two songs. Or halves of songs, as we well know. Yes, they've been doing that since there was a top nine and they started with the trios and duets, but tonight they get two solos: a number-one song from 2000 or later, and then an older soul song. Hollie's starting things off with "Rolling in the Deep," because it's been hours since anybody sang Adele on a televised singing competition. Hollie admits to Jimmy that she's generally a lot more nervous onstage than in rehearsal. Basically she needs to stop thinking, is Jimmy's input. Hey, no mentor this week! I assume this is American Idol's version of the "missing man" formation in honor of Dick Clark.
Anyway, Hollie kicks off the sing by singing the chorus a capella, then the band kicks in and we see she's flanked by drummers. Perhaps they'll be able to pound into her head the idea that she needs to relax already. And she actually manages to pull it off, for once. There's a huge reaction from the audience, and Steven says he can't even judge it, which is what he usually says to Jessica, so that's high praise from him. Jennifer says this is what they've been waiting for from Hollie, and Randy says it was "close to perfect" aside from a few "pitchy" notes, which doesn't even count because she finally had some feeling tonight. Hollie tells Ryan she's been singing this song for "so long." I guess it has been in existence for almost a tenth of her life.
By M. Giant
Colton is up , with his bangs featuring a new splash of crimson, like he's either a literal red flag or has been freshly head-shot. Ryan brings up how his sister is always in the audience, after she was the one who came to audition this year. Ryan hauls Schyler or however you spell it up there to put her on the spot. She talks about how proud they are and how she's not sure if she'll be back year, but she's learning a lot. Like how to jump when Ryan Seacrest says your name, for one thing. Anyway, on to Colton's rehearsal. He's doing "Bad Romance," but a rock version. Jimmy tells him to get it down with the band, particularly the tempo; "If this thing comes off too fast you're dead." He also tells Colton to look in the camera for his votes, because that's how it works.
Colton sings it with an all-chick rock band onstage with him. It's a little over the top, to the point where this exact performance would have gotten Heejun yelled at again, but since it's Colton the audience loves it. So does Randy, saying he's in the zone. Jennifer says it was exciting, and Steven agrees, although all of them think he was pretty much at the bottom of his range for the low notes, which was the price for hitting those high notes. My seven-year-old liked it too, so take that for what it's worth. Colton tells Ryan that it was out of his box, but he's making his box bigger every week. Indeed he is. There are a lot of big boxes for Colton out there right now.
Jimmy talks about Elise's "vacation home in the bottom three." He tells her that other people in the competition are riding their fandoms, but Elise is having to prove herself every week. "She can't afford to slip at all," he interviews.
She's singing "No One" by Alicia Keys, and she's taking no chances, hitting every note she goes for and going for a lot of them. She concentrates on her singing, letting her poufy orange dress do the dancing for her in the wind machine. Jennifer compliments her on being able to let go and complimenting her smile. Steven would have liked to hear her sing something with a better chorus, and Randy liked how she stuck with the melody instead of changing it up for once. Ryan asks her about how emotional she was during rehearsal, and Elise admits that she wasn't feeling well, plus she learned that her dog back home is sick, possibly fatally. So now Elise has to stand there and try and hold it together, while Ryan doesn't even look like Dick Clark's spleen is repeating on him.
Jimmy talks to Phillip about his plan to get to the end. Notice he didn't say "win," because I suspect Phillip Phillips would rather eat glass than actually be bound to the contract the "winner" gets. But he's doing something a little different this week, even though he hasn't been in the bottom three yet. He practices this one on a twelve-string, and impresses Jimmy enough that he's expecting Phillip to earn some new fans with this one.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
Jimmy talks to Phillip about his plan to get to the end. Notice he didn't say "win," because I suspect Phillip Phillips would rather eat glass than actually be bound to the contract the "winner" gets. But he's doing something a little different this week, even though he hasn't been in the bottom three yet. He practices this one on a twelve-string, and impresses Jimmy enough that he's expecting Phillip to earn some new fans with this one.
He sings "U Got it Bad" by Usher fronting a five-piece jazz combo, including that sax player who accompanies him like she's angling for a spot on his solo tour. It actually sounds good, out of his rut but not too far out, enough that the judges give him a standing ovation. Plus, the upgrade to a twelve-string guitar from his usual Gibson six-string means it's twice as good. Steven says it was so unexpected he felt like a chump, Jennifer calls it "so sexy," and says a great singer can sing any song. Randy tells him that Phil makes him smiles every time, like it's hard to make Randy Jackson smile. That's like saying he makes him go, "Yo, dawg." He says they have "a true artist" this year, I guess as opposed to the other charlatans who have been trotted out the last eleven seasons. Ryan asks Phil if Jennifer made him blush, and he says she always does. Me too, but in sympathy.
It's Jessica's turn, and of course that means we have to dig into last week's trauma. You'll remember she sang something that nobody had ever heard before, but Jimmy flatly tells us, "Jessica didn't deserve to be in the bottom three if she sang 'Yankee Doodle Dandy,'" and the judges had to save her. In rehearsal, Jimmy asks her what happened last week, and says something about disconnecting with the audience. Or it could just be the fact that everyone assumes Jessica will skate through and didn't bother voting for her. Or maybe the fact that even if Jessica is the best singer, she's not especially compelling. Whatever the case, she's also doing an Alicia Keys song, namely "Fallin'." Jimmy says the audience expects to have its mind blown, so Jessica better do just that.
She sings it on a stage surrounded by floating red umbrellas, like this is a Traveler's commercial and "Fallin'" is her insurance policy. She's paying the full premium, that's for sure, but she still seems a little rattled after last week, barely remembering to smile at the end. The judges stay seated, it's worth noting. Steven says she got mad at the song like she needed to, and Jennifer compares her vulnerable look to how she makes a song her bitch (though not in those words). Randy says her talent is "otherworldly," and Jessica may not even know how good she is. Ryan comes out and asks Jessica what she was thinking last week when the judges came up onstage to take the mic from her and use the save, like he didn't already ask her that at the time. She says she thought they hated her so much they didn't even want her to sing. So as mature as her vocal skills may be, Jessica still needs to learn how to read a room, clearly.
Jimmy thinks Skylar is a frontrunner, and asks her how she's going to stay there. Well, like her non-boyfriend Colton, she's also bringing the Gaga; in this case "Born This Way." The country version, of course. Jimmy suggests starting the song off with the bridge -- which she does, onstage with a mandolin player, a cheeseball fiddler whose pompadour is wearing him, and a guy playing a harmonica. She sounds great, duh, but the guy playing the violin is totally distracting. Jennifer says there's no more perfect song for her, which makes it three weeks in a row. Steven says she's giving the other girls a run for their money (as if she's going to be able to touch Colton, Joshua, or Phil). Randy says she's "ready," which I think is one of his favorite compliments. Or at least one of his more coherent ones.
Joshua will be singing "I Believe" by his idol Fantasia. Jimmy wants to talk to him about how he ended up in the bottom three last week rather than giving any actual singing coaching. Nobody mentions the obvious explanation that he departed from his usual church-bellowing, but he's not about to make that mistake again. In fact, the church choir is back, and he blows it out like usual, and gets a standing ovation from everyone, including the judges. Randy compliments Joshua's "restraint," because he apparently forgot to take his earplugs out. Jennifer says Joshua gives all of himself, and Steven says he could sing the phone book. Of course, if everyone had a voice like Joshua, there would be no telephones. Ryan asks if Joshua was trying to foreshadow his own victory moment by evoking Fantasia's, and Josh's non-answer is all the answer we need.
So now that everybody has sung, we're only halfway through. Is this what the intro meant about the end being the beginning and the end being the beginning? Ryan has Hollie back out onstage, and after asking her about her soccer-slash-football hobby, he plays her a video greeting from the entire Liverpool Football Club. They wish her good luck, but what a bunch of sourpusses. Hollie reacts like they just licked her face, though. Ryan sends her off to get ready, then gives another shout-out to his late boss by comparing Soul Train to American Bandstand, because tonight's second round is all about soul.
After a clip about how awesome Soul Train was, Ryan makes Don Cornelius's son Tony stand up and tower over him in the audience before tossing it to Hollie, who is singing Dusty Springfield's "Son of a Preacher Man." It's a really happy, high-energy, soulful song, all of which only highlights that there is not a damn thing going on behind Hollie's eyes right now. The judges, though, say this was even better than her first song tonight, and Steven tells her to push it even more. "Drive your car," Randy adds, desperately trying to launch a new hashtag. Ryan asks Hollie what happened, and she says she watched her past performances and saw what they meant, so now she's letting go. Just one more thing for her to think about.
By M. Giant
After a clip about how awesome Soul Train was, Ryan makes Don Cornelius's son Tony stand up and tower over him in the audience before tossing it to Hollie, who is singing Dusty Springfield's "Son of a Preacher Man." It's a really happy, high-energy, soulful song, all of which only highlights that there is not a damn thing going on behind Hollie's eyes right now. The judges, though, say this was even better than her first song tonight, and Steven tells her to push it even more. "Drive your car," Randy adds, desperately trying to launch a new hashtag. Ryan asks Hollie what happened, and she says she watched her past performances and saw what they meant, so now she's letting go. Just one more thing for her to think about.
Ryan does a poor imitation of Colton's "signature stare" in introducing his performance of "September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire. Which I don't even recognize until he's into his second chorus, because he's made it all emo on us again. And you know that standing ovation he's been waiting for from the judges? It ain't coming tonight. Steven starts by saying he loves Colton's voice, so you know a "but" is coming, and in this case it's a warning that Colton needs to find the right song at this point in the competition. Jennifer agrees, even though it was "the Colton that we love," that it didn't come together. Randy basically says they're getting bored with his whole schtick, and all but dares him to do it to a Lil Wayne song. Like Colton wants to get killed.
Elise sings "Let's Get it On," and she's starting it on a couch, so you know she's for real. Her performance has lots of growls and squeals in it, so it's a little less Marvin Gaye and a little more Jack Black in High Fidelity, but under the circumstances that's pretty much what's called for. Jennifer says it's hard to critique her, but then says Elise doesn't like to show emotion unless she's singing, but she'd like to see more. Yes, Jennifer Lopez is lecturing Elise about being more vulnerable. Elise's feelings are pretty apparent on her face right now, and those feelings are, "You're full of crap, lady."
Steven says something about finding the right song, and Jennifer interrupts by mentioning Elise's performance from a few weeks ago of Led Zeppelin's "Somebody to Love" (actually, the correct title was "Whole Lotta Love"). Randy agrees that Elsie doesn't know how to pick songs for herself and then blanks on Marvin Gaye's name. Your musical experts, everyone. Elise admits to Ryan that she's been having trouble finding the right balance in this short snippets of songs they get to sing, and Randy tells her not to overthink it. Nobody can accuse Randy of not following his own advice in that case.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
But , Jessica is singing "Try a Little Tenderness." She's like, "Fuck the slow start, I'm belting it from the third line." And she does something we haven't heard her do before, which is actual growling. Steven gives her props for "stepping out," and Jennifer figures this was her alter ego Bibi Chez, although she can't remember the name at first. She says they need to bring out Jessica's performances more, since there's no room for improvement vocally. Randy agrees, and says there was some of that at the end. So perhaps week we can look forward to an entire dramatic interpretation of Bohemian Rhapsody with a cast of thousands.
Skylar's "soul" song is "Heard it Through the Grapevine," but it's a country version, naturally. And that creepy fiddler is still stalking her all over the stage. I hope he's wearing earplugs too, though, because girlfriend is loud tonight. Randy and Jennifer applaud while Steven sits there like Elia Kazan just got an Oscar. Randy says it's a party every time she comes out onstage, and says she has her own brand. Jennifer comments on how the girls in the front row love her, and Steven turns out to have liked her after all, saying she's "a wild horse that needs to be tamed." Okay, so maybe he was just thinking about the taming while he was supposed to be clapping. That's actually not better. Ryan mentions the May 23rd finale to Skylar before giving the voting instructions, then promises a "civil rights anthem" from Joshua. Who is then shown backstage holding up a toy monkey. Hm.
Back from the ads, Ryan sits in Randy's chair and lets him introduce Joshua singing "A Change is Gonna Come," like they've always wanted him to. The problem with Joshua, if it is a problem, is that he's always had it dialed up to eleven from the jump, so when he gives a relatively restrained performance like this, it comes off somehow a little lackluster. You know, at least until the part where he inevitably wails it out. It's not even a question of if that point is coming, but when.
Still, the judges seem to appreciate his holding back enough to get to their feet, if a bit slowly. Steven compliments his early restraint and again uses his line about Joshua's voice crawling inside people. That's going to help him rack up votes. Jennifer says she still wants more. Maybe let them sing all of one song instead of half of two? Randy drops some knowledge about Sam Cooke's musical background before complimenting Joshua and saying that American Idol's talent this year is "better than any show on TV!" Wait, are there other singing competitions? And is this one starting to acknowledge them? After Ryan gives the voting instructions, Joshua says he spent his whole song staring at Jennifer's abs through the cutouts in her dress. Jennifer doesn't seem to have a problem with that, as long as he keeps up that kind of singing. And as long as she wears clothes that reveal her abs, because otherwise that would be creepy.
By M. Giant
Back from the ads, Ryan sits in Randy's chair and lets him introduce Joshua singing "A Change is Gonna Come," like they've always wanted him to. The problem with Joshua, if it is a problem, is that he's always had it dialed up to eleven from the jump, so when he gives a relatively restrained performance like this, it comes off somehow a little lackluster. You know, at least until the part where he inevitably wails it out. It's not even a question of if that point is coming, but when.
Still, the judges seem to appreciate his holding back enough to get to their feet, if a bit slowly. Steven compliments his early restraint and again uses his line about Joshua's voice crawling inside people. That's going to help him rack up votes. Jennifer says she still wants more. Maybe let them sing all of one song instead of half of two? Randy drops some knowledge about Sam Cooke's musical background before complimenting Joshua and saying that American Idol's talent this year is "better than any show on TV!" Wait, are there other singing competitions? And is this one starting to acknowledge them? After Ryan gives the voting instructions, Joshua says he spent his whole song staring at Jennifer's abs through the cutouts in her dress. Jennifer doesn't seem to have a problem with that, as long as he keeps up that kind of singing. And as long as she wears clothes that reveal her abs, because otherwise that would be creepy.
Then there's the recap of tonight's performances, with snippets of both performances by each singer. After that, Ryan asks the judges how America should vote, given that someone's leaving tomorrow night no matter what. Randy says they don't want anyone to leave, but they don't have a choice any more after using up their one save. Jennifer agrees, and Steven tells them to remember what they did well and then "double-time it." So sing it twice as fast? Ryan reminds us there are no more saves, and one of those faces will leave tomorrow night. I assume the rest of the person will leave as well, because Ryan's making it sound rather macabre.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7