We're in a new stage of the contest, so the pre-credits sequence introduces the top ten and then ends with the tag, "The competition begins now." So what have we been doing for the past two months, then?
After the credits, an announcer bellows, "Ladies and gentlemen, your judges!" More accurately, 75% of them: Keith, Randy and Mariah wander out onto the stage looking lost, probably not sure what to make of the relative lack of fanfare. Ryan enters while they're still drifting aimlessly downstage in the general direction of the judges' table and then takes over Nicki's chair, claiming that she's just stuck in traffic. That's live TV for you. Ryan brings out the top ten and cues the lengthy (and now weekly) clip flogging the American Idol app, then comes back to us from Nicki's chair to tease the other judges about sabotaging Nicki's arrival and says that tonight's theme is the music of American Idol. Wow, how meta. To clarify, the contestants are allowed to sing any song performed by any past winner, whether on the show or otherwise. Finally, maybe I'll get to hear a Lee DeWyze hit.
We're starting with Curtis and like last year, the performances are preceded with clips of Jimmy Iovine mentoring each contestant. Not in the studio, mind you -- just sitting down in armchairs for some general chatting. For instance, he advised Curtis Finch, Jr. to not be quite so retro. Curtis interviews that he's going to be singing "I Believe" by Fantasia tonight, and does a whole faux-humble explanation of what he's going to be trying to do with it -- like making Fantasia proud and touching our hearts. Try to aim a little higher, Curtis. He comes out tonight wearing a red paisley jacket made of whorehouse wallpaper and belts out the song, which I may or may not have heard back in 2004 while I was waiting for that year's 24 season finale to start. Keith warns him against going sharp from all the excitement, but loves the song choice. Randy liked it, but wants to see something new from Curtis, who nods like he can't wait to do exactly that. Mariah liked him doing what he does and says more stuff, but I have to confess that my brain generally just tunes her out when she starts talking. Ryan throws it to ads while leaving the stage, supposedly going to meet the arriving Nicki. "It's live, folks," he reminds us, which explains everything.
And then we come back with Ryan sitting on a stool to Janelle. She tells him about her celebrity encounters at the contestants' digs with the likes of Steven Tyler and the guy from Rascal Flatts. In her mentoring session, Jimmy asks her what's going to set her apart from all the other attractive blonde country artists out there (coughCarrieUnderwoodcough), and she talks to Jimmy about wanting to be a more traditional country artist, unlike all the watered-down crap that's out there. So tonight she's singing "Gone" by Montgomery Gentry, which was apparently a game-changer for Scotty McCreery in Season 10. I'm taking Janelle's word for that, of course. But from what we saw of the clips of that performance, hers isn't quite as dynamic as his was, which even I can't believe I'm saying. Keith thinks she did a good job and is only briefly distracted by her confession of temporary dry-mouth after she's finished. Nicki, who has finally shown up in a hoodie and sunglasses that have little awnings on them, calls her "King Arthur" and tells her to work on her song choices. Randy is also concerned about the song choice, saying it didn't really go anywhere. Mariah says she got a "star aura" from Janelle and agrees with the others that she looks great tonight. (Translation: keep the hemline above the knee.) Ryan brings her a bottled water and asks her about the cotton-mouth, so it's like he's hosting in more ways than one.
Even the commercials are getting into the Past Idols theme, with one of those insurance ads featuring "Home" by Phillip Phillips. But then, that happens every week.
Devin Velez is and Jimmy talks to him about his restraint, advising him not to limit himself to the adult contemporary thing. He's singing "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood tonight, explaining to Jimmy that he's stepping out of his comfort zone with this. He starts out sitting on the steps, crooning the almost completely un-country song and maybe taking Jimmy's words about his restraint a bit too much to heart. Keith says it wasn't one of Devin's better performances, blaming it on song choice. Nicki has taken her shades off so we can watch her blink incredulously throughout his speech and says this is exactly what Devin does best, only without the Spanish. Randy says it was too safe and underplayed, reminding Devin that it's still a competition. Mariah says he's set their expectations a little high to do whatever it was she did tonight, but in her typically nice way. Ryan talks to him about how he can push further if he's here week and Devin corrects, when he's here week. So at least confidence isn't a problem for him.
Ryan introduces the clip of Jimmy while standing right to Jimmy's seat in the audience, without any comment about it from either of them. Jimmy tells Angie that she has a tendency to get a little pageant-y, which she doesn't really get, but knows it's not good. Angie is taking on "I Surrender," which Kelly Clarkson sang the week that she, Justin Guarini, Nicki McKibbon and whoever the hell else were in the top four way back in 2002. Angie claims in her intro reel that she can sing it as well as Kelly Clarkson, which may or may not be true, but she also doesn't have the vocal power that Kelly had back then. She does as well as anyone not Kelly Clarkson could be expected to do, though. Her biggest fan, Keith, thinks she "knocked it out of the park." Nicki tells her she looks like a billion dollars, giving the camera a chance to pan up her black leather minidress, and tells her she's perfection on every level. In fact, she has nothing to critique her on other than she misses Angie's piano a bit. Randy announces that the competition has started, Angie's in it to win it, she can sing anything -- his usual catchphrase salad. Mariah simply says, "Stellar," saving us all a great deal of time. Thank you, Mariah.
For Paul's meeting with Jimmy, the great man tells him he consistently oversings, like a Broadway singer who can power out a performance but doesn't work as a recording artist. "I honestly don't know where it's coming from but hopefully it'll go away," Paul says. Solid strategy. He's singing "Amazed" by Lone Star, which is another Scotty McCreery performance. Paul adds that he owes his continued presence in the competition to Jimmy, so he plans to take his advice. Which, you know, will also help Paul. He's reeling it in even further than last week, both in terms of theatricality and also, alas, vocally. Keith liked it, though, telling him to keep it real. As for Nicki, she actually says, "This is the first time you have stimulated my sexual appetite," not that I get any sense whatsoever that Paul even likes girls, and thinks he did a good job with the song. She figures his tendency towards theatrics is a result of his thinking about the song while performing it. Randy starts by saying he isn't going to address the sexuality thing, and Mariah waves a weary hand at his reliably tiresome gay-panic in such a way that nothing else he says is remotely interesting after that. As for her critique of Paul's performance, she agrees with Jimmy about his voice being the reason he's still in the competition. When Ryan comes out, Paul talks about how he was conscious the whole time of not wanting to oversing and how glad he is Jimmy said that to him in the way he did. Then Ryan promises Candice's reinvention of an "iconic Jordin Sparks moment," and I wasn't aware such a thing existed.
By M. Giant
Ryan introduces the clip of Jimmy while standing right to Jimmy's seat in the audience, without any comment about it from either of them. Jimmy tells Angie that she has a tendency to get a little pageant-y, which she doesn't really get, but knows it's not good. Angie is taking on "I Surrender," which Kelly Clarkson sang the week that she, Justin Guarini, Nicki McKibbon and whoever the hell else were in the top four way back in 2002. Angie claims in her intro reel that she can sing it as well as Kelly Clarkson, which may or may not be true, but she also doesn't have the vocal power that Kelly had back then. She does as well as anyone not Kelly Clarkson could be expected to do, though. Her biggest fan, Keith, thinks she "knocked it out of the park." Nicki tells her she looks like a billion dollars, giving the camera a chance to pan up her black leather minidress, and tells her she's perfection on every level. In fact, she has nothing to critique her on other than she misses Angie's piano a bit. Randy announces that the competition has started, Angie's in it to win it, she can sing anything -- his usual catchphrase salad. Mariah simply says, "Stellar," saving us all a great deal of time. Thank you, Mariah.
For Paul's meeting with Jimmy, the great man tells him he consistently oversings, like a Broadway singer who can power out a performance but doesn't work as a recording artist. "I honestly don't know where it's coming from but hopefully it'll go away," Paul says. Solid strategy. He's singing "Amazed" by Lone Star, which is another Scotty McCreery performance. Paul adds that he owes his continued presence in the competition to Jimmy, so he plans to take his advice. Which, you know, will also help Paul. He's reeling it in even further than last week, both in terms of theatricality and also, alas, vocally. Keith liked it, though, telling him to keep it real. As for Nicki, she actually says, "This is the first time you have stimulated my sexual appetite," not that I get any sense whatsoever that Paul even likes girls, and thinks he did a good job with the song. She figures his tendency towards theatrics is a result of his thinking about the song while performing it. Randy starts by saying he isn't going to address the sexuality thing, and Mariah waves a weary hand at his reliably tiresome gay-panic in such a way that nothing else he says is remotely interesting after that. As for her critique of Paul's performance, she agrees with Jimmy about his voice being the reason he's still in the competition. When Ryan comes out, Paul talks about how he was conscious the whole time of not wanting to oversing and how glad he is Jimmy said that to him in the way he did. Then Ryan promises Candice's reinvention of an "iconic Jordin Sparks moment," and I wasn't aware such a thing existed.
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Jimmy compliments Kree's tone, range and confidence, warning her as well not to not oversing. She's going to do "Crying" by Roy Orbison and I already can't wait to hear it. Apparently Carrie Underwood did this in Season 4. Perhaps my expectations were a little high, because while Kree's voice is lovely as always, the arrangement is unfortunately a little rushed. And it skips some of the best parts. I was hoping for better there. Keith says that for all their bitching about song choice, Kree could sing the phone book and he'd be ready to buy her album right now. That is, if it were still possible to obtain these archaic relics known as "phone books" or "albums." Nicki begins her critique with a long description of exactly how she likes her waffles sometimes, which she means as a compliment in the sense of how Kree's performance was just like that. Randy tells Kree that her voice makes him feel good all over and gets teased for it by Nicki. Not helping, Nicki. When Randy says something new, you should let him. Mariah also loved the song choice and how she can't wait to hear Kree sing again. Ryan gives the voting instructions and talks about how Kree just accidentally called him Randy, because of how they have the same swerve. Indeed.
Burnell was also intimidated before his first meeting with Jimmy, who grilled him about what kind of artist he wants to be. Burnell says he's all R&B, which Jimmy says is a big area and advises him to stretch out a bit. He's doing "Flying Without Wings," Ruben Studdard's winning song from Season 2. He stands stranded on an island in the middle of a smoke-filled stage and although the song is inarguably crap, he sounds good and I can finally start to see tonight why people dig him. Must be because he ditched the glasses. Keith appreciates his "Burnell-isms." Nicki enjoyed the song choice as a recovering Ruben fan and likes how Burnell puts his own spin on things. Randy recalls Ruben's performance -- as though to remind us all that he's been here forever -- and tells Burnell that he's back from his lull. Mariah alludes to the "history" between the two of them (yes, Burnell made you cry, Mariah, we all remember) and says she loved the melodic choices he made tonight. Ryan makes a joke about the smoke on the stage being from the Vatican before giving the voting instructions, because anybody who uses Twitter must have been absolutely starved for pope jokes all day long.
That leaves only Amber to perform tonight. Jimmy tells her she's pretty and can sing like hell, and asks her what she's going to be singing. She's going with "A Moment Like This" from Kelly Clarkson's finale, despite Jimmy's advice to go up-tempo. And of all the people who attempt Kelly Clarkson tonight, I'd have to say Amber comes the closest, hitting not only the big notes just right, but also the medium ones and throwing in the occasional run of her own. This is another song I don't care for, but that was an impressive performance, complete with the huge finish. She gets another standing ovation from the judges, not including Mariah and her skirt. Keith loves her effortlessness and Nicki calls it the best performance of the night, agreeing with me that Amber had a Whitney vibe going on, especially there at the end. She just wants her to show some more leg again and wear pink lipstick some time. Randy says it was one of his favorite songs by one of the greatest Idols ("one of," my ass) and she blew it out. "Guys, where y'all at, the girls are killing y'all tonight!" he adds, still chasing that bonus he gets if a girl wins. Mariah says, "Hashtag: pow. That's all I can say." Unfortunately it's not, as she subtly compares Amber's back-blown hair during the performance to her own and gushes about how great it all was. And thank you, Mariah, because the one thing missing from any given American Idol episode is hashtags. Ryan asks Mariah if she would have stood in the absence of wardrobe impediments (she would have), and invites her stepmom up to give her her birthday present on the stage. It's in a gift bag, which is odd because most presents on TV are wrapped with separate paper and a ribbon around the lid. During the clips of tonight's performances, the other finalists are brought out so they can be there when Ryan opens the phone lines, promises performances by Phillip Phillips and Bon Jovi tomorrow night, and signs off. But what did Amber get for her birthday? Not to spoil the surprise, but I think one of her gifts will probably be a spot in the top nine.
By M. Giant
Lazaro meets with Jimmy, who confesses to occasional nervousness of his own about being on TV and remarks on Lazaro's following, but warns him to practice the hell out of his song for this week, "Breakway" by Kelly Clarkson. Lazaro comes out onstage dressed like a waiter as always, this week with a 1960s-blue dinner jacket and sings the song almost as well as always, though the mix has his voice a little overwhelmed volume-wise. After he's done, Keith asks him to explain his song choice, which is never a good sign. Lazaro painfully explains that he relates the song's words to what he's going through now. Nicki chats with him briefly in Spanish and says that this was her least favorite performance of his, saying he shouldn't let anyone (read: Jimmy) take away his confidence, which she thinks is what happened. Randy says this wasn't the right choice for him. Mariah compliments Lazaro's courage and vulnerability, but thinks other songs might have served him better with a more powerful mid-range. Ryan comes up and lends him his pocket square to wipe the sweat off his face, and doesn't ask him to do more than look into the camera during the voting instructions. Ryan probably figures Lazaro's been made to talk enough on live TV for one week.
Jimmy compliments Kree's tone, range and confidence, warning her as well not to not oversing. She's going to do "Crying" by Roy Orbison and I already can't wait to hear it. Apparently Carrie Underwood did this in Season 4. Perhaps my expectations were a little high, because while Kree's voice is lovely as always, the arrangement is unfortunately a little rushed. And it skips some of the best parts. I was hoping for better there. Keith says that for all their bitching about song choice, Kree could sing the phone book and he'd be ready to buy her album right now. That is, if it were still possible to obtain these archaic relics known as "phone books" or "albums." Nicki begins her critique with a long description of exactly how she likes her waffles sometimes, which she means as a compliment in the sense of how Kree's performance was just like that. Randy tells Kree that her voice makes him feel good all over and gets teased for it by Nicki. Not helping, Nicki. When Randy says something new, you should let him. Mariah also loved the song choice and how she can't wait to hear Kree sing again. Ryan gives the voting instructions and talks about how Kree just accidentally called him Randy, because of how they have the same swerve. Indeed.
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By M. Giant
Burnell was also intimidated before his first meeting with Jimmy, who grilled him about what kind of artist he wants to be. Burnell says he's all R&B, which Jimmy says is a big area and advises him to stretch out a bit. He's doing "Flying Without Wings," Ruben Studdard's winning song from Season 2. He stands stranded on an island in the middle of a smoke-filled stage and although the song is inarguably crap, he sounds good and I can finally start to see tonight why people dig him. Must be because he ditched the glasses. Keith appreciates his "Burnell-isms." Nicki enjoyed the song choice as a recovering Ruben fan and likes how Burnell puts his own spin on things. Randy recalls Ruben's performance -- as though to remind us all that he's been here forever -- and tells Burnell that he's back from his lull. Mariah alludes to the "history" between the two of them (yes, Burnell made you cry, Mariah, we all remember) and says she loved the melodic choices he made tonight. Ryan makes a joke about the smoke on the stage being from the Vatican before giving the voting instructions, because anybody who uses Twitter must have been absolutely starved for pope jokes all day long.
That leaves only Amber to perform tonight. Jimmy tells her she's pretty and can sing like hell, and asks her what she's going to be singing. She's going with "A Moment Like This" from Kelly Clarkson's finale, despite Jimmy's advice to go up-tempo. And of all the people who attempt Kelly Clarkson tonight, I'd have to say Amber comes the closest, hitting not only the big notes just right, but also the medium ones and throwing in the occasional run of her own. This is another song I don't care for, but that was an impressive performance, complete with the huge finish. She gets another standing ovation from the judges, not including Mariah and her skirt. Keith loves her effortlessness and Nicki calls it the best performance of the night, agreeing with me that Amber had a Whitney vibe going on, especially there at the end. She just wants her to show some more leg again and wear pink lipstick some time. Randy says it was one of his favorite songs by one of the greatest Idols ("one of," my ass) and she blew it out. "Guys, where y'all at, the girls are killing y'all tonight!" he adds, still chasing that bonus he gets if a girl wins. Mariah says, "Hashtag: pow. That's all I can say." Unfortunately it's not, as she subtly compares Amber's back-blown hair during the performance to her own and gushes about how great it all was. And thank you, Mariah, because the one thing missing from any given American Idol episode is hashtags. Ryan asks Mariah if she would have stood in the absence of wardrobe impediments (she would have), and invites her stepmom up to give her her birthday present on the stage. It's in a gift bag, which is odd because most presents on TV are wrapped with separate paper and a ribbon around the lid. During the clips of tonight's performances, the other finalists are brought out so they can be there when Ryan opens the phone lines, promises performances by Phillip Phillips and Bon Jovi tomorrow night, and signs off. But what did Amber get for her birthday? Not to spoil the surprise, but I think one of her gifts will probably be a spot in the top nine.
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By M. Giant
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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