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Theah's a stoahm coming towards Briarcliff -- a nor'easter, like the title says -- so Sister Jude plans a movie night in order to keep the lunatic herd calm. Of course, nothing close to calm will touch the place the whole night. For one thing, Sister Eunice is still possessed by the devil, and she's raising a whole lot of trouble. She stabs a Mexican patient to death with some scissors, for one thing. Then, she puts the moves on Dr. Arden, which shorts out his whore circuits so much that he ends up snapping, destroying the statue of the holy virgin and then ... well, we'll get to Shelley in a second.
Devil Eunice is also tormenting Sister Jude with memories of her hit-and-run from 15 years ago, ultimately driving Sister Jude to fall into a bottle of wine and show up to the movie screening drunk, stagger about the hospital, run into maybe an alien, and finally pass out. Which leaves a perfect opportunity for Grace and Kit to make escape attempt #2. This time, Shelley wants in, too. Meantime, Lana has gotten Dr. Thredson to sneak a note out to Wendy, and he reports back to Lana that Wendy is missing and her home exhibits the telltale signs of a Bloody Face attack. So when it comes time for Kit and Grace to make a break for it, Lana believes Kit may indeed be innocent, so she decides to come along, too. Shelley sacrifices herself to seduce the guard and let the other three make a break for it to freedom, which they do. Of course, "freedom" means "spit out into the woods, in the middle of the storm, while the creatures are feeding." Said creatures end up being some kind of mutated humanoids instead of Dr. Moreau hybrids, but the season is young. So Kit, Grace, and Lana are so freaked out that they run BACK into Briarcliff and are back in the movie screening by the time Sister Jude returns.
No such luck for Shelley, who gives the guard she's blowing the slip, only to run smack into Dr. Arden. He drags her into his lab, where he tries to rape her with his tiny, flaccid penis. When Shelley laughs at said member, Dr. Arden knocks her out. She wakes up the morning, strapped to a gurney in Arden's secret experimentation lab ... where Arden had amputated both her legs.
Featuring Elizabeth Taylor in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, as performed by Sister Jude; every episode of Supernatural where a woman gets possessed by a demon and starts acting all sarcastic and provocative, as performed by Sister Eunice; and a Benny Hill chase scene, as performed by Kit, Grace, and Lana.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Back with Adam Levine and Jenna Dewan-Tatum (say it soft and it's like praying). Last we saw, Bloody Face 2K12 had chased her into a locked cell and had begun the process of digging into Adam's delicious torso. Then he turns his attention to breaking down the door she's hiding behind. Turns out, it's the room where Adam had his arm ripped off, because there it is on the floor with his cell phone to it. Mrs. Tatum grabs for it, but Bloody Face bangs the door open and is about to do her in when Adam makes one last effort at being alive and hurls himself at their attacker. He gets BF's impaling instrument away from him and plunges it into his chest. After finishing the deed with a dozen more wet-sounding stabs into BF's chest, Mrs. Tatum helps Adam up and they make a run for it. She also tries to call for help, but she's distracted from the operator by the horrifying sight of another Bloody Face at the end of the hall. And another one down the corridor behind her. That second one shoots both Jenna and Adam and they both take their masks off, revealing a pair of white teenage boys, one of whom is panicking while the other -- the shooter -- is feeling a bit of an adrenaline rush. "That's what you get for stabbing Joey!" the second one hollers. So I guess the Cult of Bloody Face theory is playing itself out here. Better than Bloody Face being an immortal or an alien, I guess. The nervous one notes Adam's missing arm and apparently that was NOT their doing. "What the hell could have done that?" Nervous wonders. Suddenly, from the end of the hall comes striding another Bloody Face. But the answer of whether this one is the "real" one or the party responsible for arm-ripping or just another cult member faking us out will have to wait until week, as we jump-cut into the credits.
After the credits, we're back in '64 and Sister Maury Eunice is delivering the day's mail to Sister Jude. As you recall, Sister Eunice was possessed by the devil near the end of last week's episode and frankly, it's quite a relief. Not that Sister Jude notices, but gone is the simpering, edge-of-tears Sister Eunice that we've come to roll our eyes at. Devil Eunice seems not at all intimidated by Sister Jude and, in fact, seems more than a little bored and sarcastic in her presence. Kudos, Devil Eunice! Please don't leave us anytime soon. "There's a storm coming," she informs Sister Jude. "Big fat storm." Jude absently checks the mail, which includes a newspaper that has a below-fold story on a missing girl being sought out by Framingham police. The big splashy photo of the girl certainly catches Sister Jude's attention, as is the same girl last seen splayed out on the roadside after Jude Laura Bush'd her years ago. Fifteen years ago, in fact, if the 1949 date on the newspaper is to be believed. Sister Jude demands to know who brought this newspaper here; Eunice is all, "the maaaaailmaaaan?" She smirks at the chaos she's sown and exits.
Dr. Arden's in his office, listening to radio reports of a nor'easter heading their way. Ah, the classic Dark and Stormy Night. Glad AHS appreciates the oldies, but goodies. Dr. Arden has apparently found the microchip he pulled out of Kit's neck (after it sprouted spider legs and scurried away, as you'll recall). He's taken it apart, but after prodding at it, it re-assembles like it's made of magnets.
In the kitchen. Sister Jude kneads the dough of personal responsibility, remembering that fateful night and the girl in the road -- the crunch of her body on the windshield; the terror at realizing what she'd done. She's interrupted by Dr. Thredson, who's here to bother her ass about the corporal punishment she's so eager to dole out and "I realize you're likely unfamiliar with the work of B.F. Skinner, but..." Golly, what a pill this guy is. Blah, blah, positive reinforcement. Blah, blah, modern standards of care. Blah, blah, my perfect boyfriend and I are always walking our dogs around Los Feliz. Sister Jude says she is a beacon of compassion and in fact she has contacted a neighboring parish about borrowing their film projector for a movie screening on Friday night. Even she can admit there are some exceptions to the "usual Hollywood dreck." The archdiocese, she says, is loaning them a copy of The Sign of the Cross. Quick lesson in film history and irony, as The Sign of the Cross was a 1932 film that pre-dated the Production Code, but was so controversial for its depictions of sex and violence that it spurred the creation of the Catholic Legion of Decency, which, if your parents were Catholic and as old as mine, they can tell you stories about what movies they were forbidden from seeing, per the Church. Anyway, so obviously the archdiocese has a copy that they're happy to lend out for group viewing. Thredson then "oh, by the way"s about Jed Potter's autopsy report, which he needs for his files. He says he bets it'll say he died of natural causes. "If it's natural for a 17-year-old boy to die of a heart attack," she sneers at him. He mocks her and says maybe this suspicious nature of hers is a projection of her "guilty conscience." This triggers a realization in Sister Jude that it must have been this pencil-neck who is taunting her with old newspapers. She demands to know where he got it, but he of course has no idea what she's talking about. She decides to drop it rather than incriminate herself further. She says she needs the office he's been working in, so he's got two more weeks to make his evaluation of Kit Walker, and then he's out the door. Knead that dough, girl. Knead that dough.
Elsewhere, Devil Eunice strides into the common room like the hot bitch she now is and heads right for the record player. "Dominique" will play no more. At least for today. Her casual defiance of Sister Jude's law is merely to announce to the gathered crazies that a storm is coming, and when it hits, half of them won't be able to move and the other half won't be able to stop moving and that just won't do. Devil Eunice's flat affect is dripping with indifference and I want to spread it on toast I love it so much. She tells them about Sister Jude's movie screening and how they'll all be together, in the dark and watching a movie full of "fire, sex, and the death of Christians. What fun." At this point, the one lady who looks like Miss Havisham walks up to Devil Eunice and starts muttering in Spanish, clearly having spotted the demon in her. Devil Eunice just flashes her some yellow-eyed action and hot-bitches her way out of the room again.
Across the room, Kit is trying to sell Grace on the idea that the night of the movie -- with lockdown suspended -- would be the perfect opportunity to try to escape again. Grace is like, "But we just tried that and got caught, 'member?" Kit thinks that only means nobody will be expecting it. Ahhh, the "we're due" school of thought, favored by many an indebted casino gambler. Lana enters the room and Grace gets up in her face about her betrayal. Lana doesn't back down, saying she'd do it again if it means Kit wouldn't be able to kill any more women. Kit, ever the sweetheart, says he'd have done the same if he believed what she believes, but only he's innocent. This little rehashing of everybody's position on the issues gets interrupted because Kit's been called to Dr. Arden's office.
In Sister Jude's office, Frank the Security Guard is giving her the update on his surveillance of Dr. Thredson. Nothing at all suspicious, he says, which she of course takes to mean only that they haven't been paying attention long enough. BTW, she's got the incriminating 1949 newspaper laid out across her entire desk at this point... like, way to be stealthy, Sister. Devil Eunice comes barging in with a decanter in one hand and a wine glass in the other. My kind of demonically-possessed lady. Sister Jude tells her to hold her water while she tells Frank to keep watching and assume the worst. When Sister Jude finally looks up at Eunice, she's alarmed at the wine she's carrying. Eunice has some brusque song-and-dance about how one of the patients has been into the communion wine (she suspects Spivey), but really the whole point is so the demon can dangle Sister Jude's old temptations in front of her. She tells Jude to taste it, as she's sure it's been watered down, but Jude refuses. "Oh, of course, how could I forget," Devil Eunice quips. "Since 1949, when you had a calling from Jesus Christ Our Lord which inspired you to renounce alcohol and all worldly pleasures." One of these days, I'm gonna write my master's thesis on the Ryan Murphy Humor Through Exaggerated Exposition technique. It's a pretty boring line without Lily Rabe to sell it; girl's on fire this week. Eunice says she'll taste it herself, but by this point, Sister Jude has noticed the harlot-red lipstick she's wearing. Not sure how she could have missed it, since Massachusetts disaster relief are asking Eunice to stand outside in the middle of the storm so ships at sea can navigate by its brightness. Devil Eunice smiles a big, obnoxious smile and says the shade is called "Ravish-Me Red" and it suits her porcelain complexion quite well. Can't argue with that, Sister. While Sister Jude wipes it off her face, Devil Eunice babbles that the lipstick is actually for her, at the request of Dr. Arden, who asked Eunice to give it to Jude as a gift, saying "Red is Sister Jude's favorite color and she'll understand just why I want her to have it."
Speaking of the Last of the Red-Hot Rapists, Dr. Arden once again has Kit strapped down in his secret lab. He's showing him Spider-Chip, which he's got in a glass jar and that thing is hopping around like crazy. Arden's hypothesis is that it works on a magnetic basis and that there's another implant inside Kit that it's reacting to, so he starts poking at his neck with a silver pokey thing. Which makes it the perfect time for an interrogation! "Who are you working for?" Arden asks, calmly. It seems he thinks the chip is a surveillance device and has thus concluded that Kit is here on behalf of one of his many enemies looking to take him down. Such enemies apparently include the East German Stasi, the KGB and even "Jews and fellow travelers" inside the U.S. government. Poor Kit. This makes two false accusations against him that he's unable to refute. Arden begins his hunt in earnest when he slices into Kit's neck.
Elsewhere, Señora Havisham sits in her room, furiously praying with her rosary when Devil Eunice enters her room, full of false smiles and reassurance. In subtitled Spanish, Señora Havisham says, "Get away from me, Satan!" but Eunice slaps the rosary from her hands. "Get on your knees," Eunice offers sweetly, "and we'll pray it all away." When that doesn't work, she yells at her in devil-tongue and shoves her to the ground. Now side-by-side, kneeling to the bed, Eunice leads her in prayer, in Spanish. But before they're finished, she stands up and plunges a pair of scissors into Señora Havisham's neck. We see it full-on too, complete with blood spraying onto the bed. Wicked stuff. The poor woman bleeds out rather quickly, helped along by Devil Eunice stabbing her in the heart for good measure. And then it's off to the woods, with Eunice pushing the body in a wheelbarrow and dumping her in a clearing, for the Creatures to dispose of her, just like whatever's-the-opposite-of-God intended.
But Devil Eunice is not done, oh no! With her thirst for blood satiated, she now moves on to her thirst for carnal mischief. That means it's down the hall to Dr. Arden's office. He's so happy to see her -- his "little ray of sunshine." She's here on the pretext of updating him on the Creatures -- she says she's worried about what will happen to them when the weather gets freezing, much less the impending storm. Arden places a hand on her knee and reassures her that they only have to get the Creatures through the winter. That's when they ship off to finishing school in the Berkshires, I guess. He gives her knee a bit of a squeeze when he tells her how much her compassion for the Creatures means to him. He isn't even leering when he says it. He seems almost genuine. Devil Eunice, however, sees that it's time to strike. She sneers at him and says the only reason he has her down to his office just so he can undress her with his eyes and imagine sucking on her "rosebud tits." The soundtrack even screeches at this verbal turn of events. Arden recoils in horror and Devil Eunice can barely suppress a giggle fit. She's had an awakening, see; not to the Lord but to sex. She hikes up her skirt and reclines on his desk, offering herself to him. "Put your mouth where you want," she says. "Don't waste it. I'm all juicy." OKAY! Arden doesn't know what to do about this so he just slaps her and tells her to shut her filthy mouth. She calls him a "sad little pantywaist" and laughs her demonic laugh so much that the screen goes all blurry. He orders her out. This is a troubling development indeed for Dr. Arden and his Madonna/Whore complex.
"Dominique" has made its triumphant return to the common room as Dr. Thredson supervises the setup of the movie screen. Lana sees her chance and pulls him aside for a conversation, despite his insistence that he is not authorized to discuss her treatment. It's not about her treatment, though. She says she's been observing him and can tell that he's not "one of them." She needs him to get a message from her out to her "friend" Wendy. Thredson's all, "Yes, your friend who is the reason why you're in here?" Lana says if she can just communicate with Wendy, see her face-to-face, she can straighten this out. She discreetly passes Thredson a note. He gravely asks her if she's really asking him to "betray Sister Jude, who is the administrator of this sanitarium." His words kind of linger in the air for a second, before he smirks and takes her note. It's a sly moment of transgression for him... or it would be if Zachary Quinto could act.
In the kitchen -- ah, it's our first glimpse of this award-winning bakery we've heard so much about. I keep expecting to see Mrs. Lovett cross the floor with a piping hot tray of Poet. Grace and Shelley are both on duty, and Shelley starts right in on her about how she saw her and Kit conspiring to escape again and she wants in this time. After yelling at Pepper to quit eavesdropping, Shelley begins her favorite pastime to making blunt sexual innuendoes: delivering overwrought monologues about freedom. "You think as a little girl I dreamed I'd waste my life away in the bughouse?" she asks Grace. "I want to go to Paris! France!" Oh, does Shelley ever love France, where they're 20 years ahead of the curve sexually, and where Shelley would be celebrated. The she turns into that awful person who corners you at a party and won't shut up about Delta of Venus and how it's changed her life. Grace just sort of nods and says she left France when she was nine, so she doesn't entirely know what Shelley's talking about. Shelley finally just cuts it out with the social justice arguments and simply says they could help each other. "...Please?" Oh, who could deny that haircut anything?
Sister Jude comes to Dr. Arden's office, where he's preparing the sofa bed so he can ride out the storm at Briarcliff. She tells him that Sister Eunice told her "everything" and so the two of them commence talking past each other about completely separate things. He says he admired Eunice's purity and innocence. "I never had any," he says, "even as a boy." Hmm. Puzzle pieces coming together. He rages that Sister Eunice has been "corrupted" by this place, by the patients, by "that loathsome Shelley." Sister Jude says if anyone has corrupted Eunice it's been him -- his obvious leers and perversions which have "awakened something in her that she can't begin to understand." He fires back that his feelings for Eunice have always been entirely pure -- she's the one who exposed herself to him, like a common whore. Of course, Sister Jude kind of doesn't give a shit about anything like that right now. She thinks Arden's been behind the newspaper and lipstick and general gaslighting of the past day. She, once again, has Dr. Arden's number (...hussy -- sorry, I can't not finish that phrase with that link) and she throws the tube of lipstick at him. "You don't know what you think you know!" she whispers at him. He doesn't even know what SHE thinks he knows, of course; he tells her she's coming apart at the seams and might benefit from a leave of absence. Oh, he'd like that, I bet. "I'm on to you," she says, as she leaves. Ahh, famous last words of the paranoid. Out in the hall, Devil Eunice smirks at her handiwork.
Cut to Sister Jude in her office, praying silently to herself as she stares at the lightning storm raging outside her window. The phone rings and when she picks it up, the voice belongs to a little girl. "You left me there. You never even bothered to get out of the car." Sister Jude sobs and repeats "I'm sorry" into the phone. She hangs up and looks down at the desk, where a pair of cracked eyeglasses has been placed. This is some A+ gaslighting on Devil Eunice's part. I approve. Sister Jude is seriously falling apart here. In tears, she reaches for that decanter of wine that Eunice left earlier. Like I said, A+.
After the break, we see -- through an appropriately blurry camera lens -- that Sister Jude has reached the last of the wine. Ladyfriend is sloppy right now. Her hair hanging out from under her habit. Staggering and slurring. Perfect time for her to kick off tonight's festivities!
Meanwhile, Arden's in his office listening to radio updates on the storm (including a reference to reported lights being sighted in the sky that are NOT lighting strikes) and fiddling with the tube of lipstick that Sister Jude launched at him.
Into the common room stumbles Sister Jude and the natives are already getting restless. She blows into her whistle and yells for everyone to take their seats. Frank tells her everyone is accounted for but "The Mexican" (R.I.P., Señora Havisham). Sister Jude says she'll go look for her after she introduces the picture, which she begins to do presently and in such glorious fashion that I can't even take it. "Whether tonight marks the beginning of a beloved tren- ... tradition or just another bitter disappointment is entirely up to you," she slurs. She's halfway reading from a script on a crumbled piece of paper as she invites her charges to settle in and relax for the lurid stylings of The Sign of the Cross. She gestures at the blank screen as she says the film's name. She's the best. Starring Claudette Colbert, of course, and as Nero, "the incomparable Mr. Charles Laughton... who I understand is an enormous whoopsie." YOU GUYS. "Whoopsie"! I can't deal with this. Lightning strikes and spooks about half of the audience (Devil Eunice was right, it seems) and Sister Jude has to calm them down. She hollers at them to "keep their chin[s] up high." And "don't be afraid of the dark." Oh dear. You know where this is headed, right? "At the end... of a storm... is a golden sky. And the bright silver song of a lark." What's happening now is that Sister Jude is spoken-wording the lyrics to "You'll Never Walk Alone," schnockered eight ways from Sunday, in a room full of crazy people. Herself included, it would now seem. She's crying now, as she takes Pepper's face in her hands and tells her to "walk on, through the wind; walk on through the rain." Though yoah dreams may be tossed! And blown! Walk on! [She walks down the aisle.] Walk on! [Her voice starts breaking.] With hope in yoah hahhhts. And you'll nevah! Walk! Alone! Judy Garland wouldn't die until June of 1969. But many say she died this very night. Lana and Thredson look at Sister Jude with concern, as she's now devolved into babbling, "She was alone... darling little fragile thing... " Sister Jude flashes on the accident again. "And the storm that came was not wind and not rain. It was something altogether else." Fuck the movie, THIS is the most entertainment anybody's going to get tonight. Finally -- FINALLY -- she realizes what she's been saying and covers her mouth. Lightning strikes again, spooking the crowd anew. Alas, she doesn't go into the second verse (well, the second verse is exactly the same as the first verse, but still); she just calls for the lights and then bolts off to find "the Mexican." Folks, that was the greatest goddamn thing I have ever seen on this show. Emmys for all!
With Sister Jude gone, Devil Eunice strides heedlessly to the front row and takes her seat for the dead Christians. Lana, meanwhile, bugs Dr. Thredson about Wendy. He says he tried to call her, but there was no answer, so he went to the house and let himself in the unlocked door. Nobody was there, but he found blood on the carpet near her bedroom door. I love how he's just getting to telling her this now, after sitting to her for at least ten minutes waiting for the movie to begin. He tells Lana there were certain "similarities" between Wendy's disappearance and "some of the other victims." Lana, alarmed, wants to know what Thredson's trying to say, but she already gets it. Her glance over at Kit kind of gives that away. At this point, they both get loudly shushed by Devil Eunice, who is trying to enjoy Charles Laughton's mincing. Thredson's voice gets even lower as he tells Lana he has some concerns that the maniac women-killer hasn't been caught at all. He's brought this to the police, but they think they got their man. Lana desperately wants Thredson to tell her that they HAVE got their man, but he can't. Meantime, Grace has gotten up to ask Frank if she can use the bathroom, distracting him enough to let Kit and Shelley slip out. It's all happening! Lana turns to Kit once again and, seeing that he's not there, whispers to Dr. Thredson that it's really not appropriate that she be seeing all this lurid female sexuality, what with her condition and all. She asks to be excused and scurries out. Frank is too busy leering at the screen to notice.
With lightning flashing outside and the lights flickering inside, Sister Jude roams the corridors, looking for "The Mexican." Meanwhile, Dr. Arden faces the ivory statue of the Virgin Mary and glares at it, twisting the tube of lipstick in his hand. Meanwhile, Kit, Shelley, and Grace head for the tunnel. Meanwhile, Lana follows them. Grace and Kit explain to Shelley about the tunnel and Grace is like, "assuming it's really there." "It's there," pipes up Lana from the end of the hall. "That touched nun brought me in through there." Ha ha, "touched" indeed. Grace is all over Lana's ass, shoving her up against a wall. Lana apologizes to Kit and says she was wrong about him, but now someone she loves may be in danger. "I know you can understand that." Kit informs Grace that Lana is coming with them, no arguments. So off they go, but Kit spots security guard Carl around the corner. Kit says they'll have to take him down, but Shelley's like, "Um, he fought in Korea, so..." She says she'll distract Carl and let them run for the tunnel, if they promise to try and wait for her. And if they can't -- if she doesn't make it -- she makes Lana promise to write the story that "blows the doors off this place." Lana nods. "Don't forget about me!" Shelley pleads. Kinda heavy on the foreshadowing there, right?
Shelley rounds the corner and begins unsubtle seduction of Carl. He tries to blow her off, saying the Mexican is missing and Sister Jude's roaming the corridors besides. Shelley suggests they go check the hydrotherapy room, where they never know what they might find. Her hand's on his crotch, in case you were in suspense. So off they go, leaving Grace, Lana and Kit room to make a break for it again.
Sister Jude is still stumbling after shadows. Dr. Arden is still eyeing that statue with menace. The camera pulls back to reveal his handiwork -- he's drawn lips, cheek rouge and nipples on the statue in lipstick. "There you are... whore," he growls. Oh, right, Dr. Arden also wrote I Have A Giant Psychological, Probably Pathological Issue With Women, Likely Stemming From My Childhood, But Certainly Manifesting Itself As a Raging Misogyny across the foyer floor. That lipstick is pretty much down to a nub.
While Shelley gives Carl a beej and ultimately yanks his legs out from under him and knocks him out... while the Great Escapers uncover the door to the tunnel... while Dr. Arden calls the Virgin Mary a whore three more times and finally shoves the statue over, shattering it -- while all that is going down, Sister Jude searches the halls and finally turns to come face-to-face with a GIANT FUCKING ALIEN. One of those things with spider limbs and a vagina face. And then, as Shelley is joyfully, hopefully racing to her freedom, she runs smack into Dr. Arden. "Where do you think you're going?" he sneers at her. "...Whore!" James Cromwell. Not to put too fine a point on it.
After the commercial break, we're in the tunnel just as everybody decides that they have to stop waiting for Shelley and move on. They all think that's a bummer and all, but Lana pledges to expose "every sick thing going on in here" upon her escape, so it's kinda like Shelley is escaping anyway! Well rationalized, people. Let's move. They make it to daylight ("daylight" in this case being blackest night in the middle of a hellacious storm) and revel in the freedom of being outside the walls. Lana shows them the path through the woods to the road and Grace tells her once they reach the road, she's on her own. Kit looks conflicted, but hey, no time to argue and at least they're all free, right?
Devil Eunice is on the edge of her seat watching mostly-naked Christian women get fed to the crocodiles, but Dr. Thredson -- killjoy that he is -- can only notice that Kit and Grace are still missing from their seats. He informs Frank of this development (Frank's been pretty caught up in the onscreen events himself), and while Pepper bugs him to use the restroom ("Pepper pee!"), Frank informs Sister Eunice of the disappeared patients. This puts Eunice right out, as they're getting to her favorite part, where the Christians are eaten.
Speaking of dire situations, Dr. Arden has hauled Shelley into his office and locked the door, which is almost never a good sign. Shelley is upset and says she thinks she's going to vomit. Arden says they can "play doctor" right here. He's undressing. Ugh. She says she's not in the mood, which draws a scoff from Arden. "You're always in the mood." He says he's probably the only one in the hospital who hasn't had her, which she refutes. "What's more, I do the choosing," she says, with what little defiance is left in her. He says not tonight, "Now turn around and spread your cheeks." I'm just going to say it: Dr. Arden's approach is not sexy. "Any port in a storm," he says (see?), and when Shelly tries to run, he grabs her. So for the second time in as many weeks, Dr. Arden's going to rape some poor girl. Shelley cries out as much, which Arden says is "rich" coming from her. She squirms free, though, when something in his zipper area distracts him and she starts laughing at what she sees down there. "Did you have an accident," she scoffs. "You're seven feet tall! I thought you'd be hung like -- " That's as far as Shelley gets, because tiny flaccid penis or not, Arden can still swing a blunt object at her head. She's out.
Out in the woods, our Three Amigos stumble upon some... remains, let's say... on their way to the road. "I think we found the Mexican!" Grace hollers. Lana just starts screaming. Which it turns out is premature, because the real reason to scream is the thing that's eating over by the trees. We only get fleeting glimpses of the Creatures, but they look primarily humanoid, if mutated and feral. They also run like 28 Days Later, so Kit, Grace, and Lana have no choice but to haul ass in the exact opposite direction, blitzing directly for the tunnel doors and back INTO the asylum, in a scene that might as well have been scored with this music.
Devil Eunice finds Sister Jude passed out on her bed and wakes her up. "There's a big problem," she says, which Sister Jude takes to mean that they've seen "it" also. Even Devil Eunice seems flummoxed by what she's talking about -- no, this is about the missing inmates. Jude is disoriented as hell, but she pulls it together enough to slouch into the common room, give Frank hell and... walk right past Kit, Grace and Lana sitting right in their seats. Seems the three patients unaccounted for are Shelley, Pepper and the Mexican. Oh, that poor Mexican. Movie night is over and there won't be any others in the future, thanks to the three "scofflaws" from tonight. "A sex-crazed deviant, a Mexican and a pinhead won't get far in this storm!" she slurs. "I hope they all drown."
thing we know, it's the morning, and Shelly is waking up to the blinding bright lights of Dr. Arden's lab. She begs him to let her go, and he tells her that everyone is looking for her... in the woods. They think she ran away. She's strapped down to the gurney with a sheet over her. She begs Arden -- if he lets her walk out of here, she won't say anything. "I'm afraid that's quite impossible," he says and between the wordplay and the upcoming reveal, things have gotten seriously Twilight Zone. Because Dr. Arden pulls back the sheet to reveal that he has AMPUTATED HER LEGS AT THE KNEES. Oh, for the love of Boxing Helena, NO!
Joe R still wishes the Creatures turned out to be mannimals. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
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