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It's Top Model Cycle 16! I really put the exclamation point there more out of habit than excitement. This season Tyra is totally shaking things up. There's a new curtain behind the judges at panel! Wild times. And the traditional casting week has been truncated in favor of an elaborate ruse in which no girls have to tell their tales of woe in front of a mini-panel, and the actual final fourteen think they've been eliminated early on. The nine minutes of misery that they are forced to endure during their faux-elimination is more than made up for as they realize they're actually standing not in a bus stop, but their own model house. Finalist Dalya falls over from the excitement, and generally there is a lot of wailing. Dominique and Alexandria quickly prove to be the primary irritants of the season, while adorable, baby-faced Jaclyn ensures that everyone in America wants to give her a hug.
The girls head off to a runway show combined with a backstage shoot, and shots of them getting their hair and makeup done will be their photos of the week. While the photo shoot itself is pretty uneventful, the runway show is of such whackness that it makes the days of the giant swinging pendulum seem relatively innocent. The girls must walk in giant confetti-filled hamster balls onto a twelve-inch runway that is placed in a swimming pool. It's a very glamorous kind of walking the plank, designed solely for our amusement. Though there are lots of awkward walks and a few stumbles, only Ondrei and Dominique actually fall off of the runway and are forced to nurse their head wounds while sloshing around in the ball and trying to make it to dry land. It's at times very hilarious and at times very troubling, much like this show in general.
At panel, in which supermodel Erin Wasson is a guest judge, several girls rock their first photos. Brittani and Monique remain lovely while makeup artists poke pencils into their eyes, while Molly, Alexandria and Mikaela also excel and get major kudos. The heretofore unmemorable Molly gets best photo of the week while stank, freckle-faced Dominique and pretty, bland Angelia land in the bottom two. Dominique's potential for causing drama ensures her retention, while Angelia packs her bags, but not before Nigel compares someone's mouth to a cat's anus.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome back, everyone! It's Cycle 16 of America's Top Model. Don't you feel old? I sure do.
Tyra begins the episode by speaking directly to us -- us! Hi Tyra! -- and imploring us to come closer. We're apparently very eager and get way up in her grille, which she notes is, in fact, too close. She draws us near and then pushes us away. Is it any wonder we have such a complicated relationship? Tyra is dressed like an extra from >Newsies, which has kind of been her thing lately. I can't decide if it's better or worse than the jumpsuits. In any case, Tyra says that we probably think we're going to see a typical Top Model episode. You know the kind, where the girls parade in their swimsuits before Tyra and the Jays and talk all about their tragic illnesses and/or how poor or rich they are, and we get to make insta-judgments about who is pitiful, hilarious, dumb, or abhorrent. And then in their downtime someone pours beer on someone else's weave and it's really awesome. I love the casting portion of the premiere!
Tyra goes through the types of girl we usually see by Cindy Sherman-ing herself. First she is the dumb, desperate blonde who doesn't want to cut her hair, and then she is Angora Nylandra Tafatia Michaels, the ghetto girl who mysteriously wears a one-piece bathing suit and isn't there to make friends. And then she is the goth artist who claims that she doesn't want to be there at all and knows nothing about modeling. This last one gives us a chance to see Tyra's cunnilingual technique, which I must admit is pretty impressive. I imagine Naomi Campbell was the beneficiary of this at least once before they entered into their decade-long feud.
So, the casting special -- you love it and never would want to get rid of it, right? Well too bad for you, because the fourteen finalists of Cycle 16 are moving into the Top Model house in the ten minutes. Casting week is done. I mean, it happened in some form, but was not the spectacle we're used to. How will we learn who has a disease we've never heard of before? Being ever courant, Tyra is going to take a cue from Twitter King and punk-master Ashton Kutcher. Really, she just wanted to show us that she still looks pretty in a trucker hat. Basically, the fourteen finalists are actually going to think they've been cut. Tyra says that they're doing this because it's time to get real. By doing a totally fake thing! It's like rain on your wedding day. Rejection is a big part of the industry, Tyra tells us. Even she was rejected by six agencies before she scuttled off to Paris at the age of 14! It's truly the hardest of knocks. To this day Tyra still has to deal with people saying no. How does she ever get through the day? If you want IMG, Italian Vogue and Cover Girl, she says, then you'd better have skin tougher than a leather Prada bag. But not literally.
And then because up is down and right is left, we get a small bit of footage from these faux-rejected girls at casting week, coupled with previews of stupid shit they will do throughout the season. Brittani gets a bob and has a panic attack at judging! Jaclyn screams in a baby voice at a crude drawing of her baby-faced self! Alexandria took her faux-elimination in stride, and also is going to be a complete wanker for as long as she lasts in the competition! Tyra tells us to get ready for the biggest swerve Top Model has ever taken. Which is the thing that she already told us about. It's no J. Lo and Steven Tyler coming in to unexpectedly knock your socks off, but I guess it's the best she can do with such limited budgetary and cerebral resources.
So, we do get some highlights from casting week. It started on a rainy runway, where the Jays evaluated the girls' walks. There were big concerns about Monique, 19 years old from Hebron, Illinois, being too sexy. Well, it's nice to know which box she'll be pegged in, anyway. Tyra sees a little of Shalom Harlow in Monique. Then there's Kasia, who's a plus-sized model, or as Tyra would like to call her, "fiercely real." By all means, when looking to change long-held terminology to give it a more positive spin, choose words that have absolutely no meaning. Kasia has already proven her high-fashion chops, having been in V magazine. And whoa! Kasia is super pretty, and probably a size 8 at most, but at 26 she's fiercely really long in the tooth. With the much-discussed childhood obesity epidemic, you can't tell me that there were no fiercely real 18-year olds to choose from. Kasia is from Wheaton, Illinois. And then there's Sara, 18 from Edinburg, Texas, who fills the ugly-pretty niche. She's sort of boyish and has a curly moptop with a regrettable rattail hanging from it. Tyra is going to take scissors to that thing herself. Sara describes herself as quirky and eccentric, which I rarely find to be a good sign. However, she seems to be pretty amiable and not too cool for modeling school, so do not give up hope yet.
So the girls walked, took a photo, and met Tyra. While they thought they were maybe a third of the way through, Tyra and the Jays were actually already picking the final fourteen. They are: freckle-faced Dominique, fiercely real Kasia, petite Ondrei, feisty blonde Alexandria, sexy mama Monique, elegant Nicole, quirky Sara, hippie Hannah, golden-haired Molly, baby-faced Jaclyn, Brittani from the block, regal Dalya, edgy Mikaela, and sassy Angelia. We see the Jays approach all the girls at what they think is a reception, and hand them envelopes. Jay Manuel says that they probably think they know casting week inside and out, but this year some tough decisions have been made, and some girls aren't going to panel. The girls who have envelopes without photos, he says, will be going home. I know this whole exercise is designed to teach a lesson about rejection to the chosen girls (that lesson being, apparently, that sometimes rejection is actually acceptance!), but it seems most cruel to those poor girls who think they've gone through and are actually toast. We see said girls celebrate while the real final fourteen pout and cry and look shocked. Brittani, 19 from Beech Creek, Pennsylvania, cries and tells us that she basically has nothing to go back home for. She cain't go back to Buffalo, she just cain't. Nicole, 20 from Orlando, hates crying but does it anyway, even after Alexandria tells her that it should be no sweat off of their threaded brows. Sweet Jaclyn also tries to console Monique, to no avail.
Our final fourteen are herded to the basement, where their luggage is unceremoniously piled. A producer tells them to get their stuff together, and they'll be taken to the bus. Carrie, a casting producer, tells the girls that Tyra always feels bad dumping girls at this stage, so will be down to say a final goodbye. Hannah, 20 from Houston, who is the prettiest and also has my dream hair, says that she would normally love to see Tyra, but at this point it just makes matters sadder. Tyra comes down wearing a shirt that I may be unfit to describe. It's a really puffy short-sleeved blazer with blue leopard print, and there's a giant satin bow tied around her neck. It's like if Pebbles Flintstone grew up and went to work at Vogue Bedrock. Tyra talks to them about rejection, and how the road to success is a zigzag line. And then she drops the news -- they do have to go home now, but they don't have to go far. In fact, they are ALREADY IN THEIR NEW HOUSE! Tyra pushes a button and a curtain falls and the screaming and it's the model pad and jumping and crying of joy commences.
Dalya, 21 from Corona, California, actually falls over like she's been hit by the holy spirit. I think that should be immediate grounds for elimination. Dalya can't even stop crying when she talks about it in an interview. Sara is so overcome that she has to put her head between her knees for a moment. This would be the perfect time to just yank the rattail right out of her head. Angelia, 20 from Miami, is ready to work it and tells us that she is America's Top Model. We should recognize her face and get used to it, she says. This is true, but only so we can correctly identify who is fading from the group photo at the end of the episode. Tyra calls all the girls together and says she knows everyone thought it was weird that the fiercest fourteen were going home. "Why are we going home?" she thinks they asked. Her answer: "Because you weren't going home!" I mean, it's about as sensical as anything she's ever said. "Why are we having eggs for breakfast?" "Because we're not having eggs for breakfast!" Try it out with your friends and family. The house is gorgeous, per usual, and since it's Cycle 16 it's filled with photos of Tyra when she was 16. In case you're keeping track, that's ten years younger than Kasia is now.
Tyra leaves and the girls go about settling in. Brittani tells us that she normally lives in a trailer park, and so a penthouse in downtown L.A. is quite an improvement. Also, everybody here has teeth! Freckle-faced Dominique calls a house meeting, which involves some rule about only talking when you have a ceramic elephant in your hand. I don't need to tell you that Dominique is clutching the elephant with claws of death. Alexandria, who comes downstairs wearing a feathered mask, seems to call bullshit on the elephant rule right away. With any luck, one of these two will have had a weave forcibly removed by the end of the night at the hand of the other. Mikaela, who is 21 and from Boca Raton, has insane bone structure, and also finds living with 13 other girls to be insane. Dominique thinks she owns the place, and Alexandria thinks she's the shit. Both of them are clearly huge pains in the ass and will likely continue to be so for quite some time. However, Mikaela says she's obsessed with Jaclyn, who is the most adorable sprite to ever emerge from the magical forest. Sara has a really interesting look, Mikaela says, but has no confidence in that look. Mikaela commits to not letting all the madness of the house interfere with her goal to win. What may interfere with her victory is the fact that she can't seem to fully open her eyes.
Dominique, who is 23 and from Houston, continues to hold the elephant and asks who has already claimed a bed. It turns out that everyone has a bed except for her and Monique. Everyone wonders if this means that two girls are going to be eliminated ASAP. After the trickery of earlier, Brittani tells us, you never know what these crazy loons on the show are going to pull. You have to constantly be on your toes. And not just any toes, your H2T fiercely pointed tippy toes.
After a commercial break, the girls receive their first Tyra Mail. It is a cause for celebration, because these ladies have NO idea what's coming. The Tyra Mail reads, "Let's get the ball rolling. Shall we? Love, Tyra." Nicole thinks that they may be modeling bowling shoes. Oh, honey, you wish. Jaclyn thinks that either they'll be going to a ball or a bowling alley. I love how nobody can even conceive of exactly how evil Tyra is.
The day, the girls head to a beautiful house in Malibu, where they meet up with Jay Manuel and his special guest for the day, model extraordinaire Erin Wasson. She has walked for the best designers, been shot by the best photographers, and worn the best Victoria's Secret angel wings. Plus, she's a stylist and jewelry designer. And she does it all while wearing super short denim cut-offs and a blazer. Sometimes this show does make me feel really bad about myself. The gorgeous setting will provide a backdrop for the girls' first runway show, in which they'll be wearing clothes from the T by Alexander Wang collection. Alexander Wang is a dear friend of Erin's, and T is a collection in which you can buy $145 sweatpants. The girls cheer and Erin notes that they all love some A. Wang. They'll also get to wear jewelry from Erin's collection, LowLuv. Should you be tempted to remark upon how dumb this name is, Erin Wasson will doubtlessly silently retort that she looks better in miniature denim cutoffs than you may ever hope to.
Everything is happiness and excitement until Jay shares some news. The girls will be walking on a twelve-inch runway over water. It basically looks like a small wooden plank in a very elegant swimming pool. But if you think this is evil enough, then you obviously have never heard of something called the giant swinging pendulum. The geniuses at Top Model have outdone themselves, because for this show the girls will be walking in giant plastic bubbles akin to hamster balls! On the twelve-inch runway! That is over water! J. Alexander comes sauntering toward the girls in the hamster ball, and Jaclyn tells us that the thing that went through her head a million times was, "What if they can't get it open and I'm stuck in that bubble for the rest of my life?" FYI, I don't even think it's made of hard plastic.
Before we go any further, I must confess that this particular challenge brings up a little post-traumatic stress of sorts. When I was about nine years old, I begged my parents for a pet until they finally agreed to get me a hamster. We went to the pet store, and my mom insisted that we get a male, so there would be no danger of unwanted procreation. So I picked out a lovely little camel-colored guy who we took home and named Spike. We got all of the requisite accessories, including the plastic hamster ball so Spike could run around to his heart's content throughout the house. One fateful night not long after Spike had come to live with us, my mom accidentally left the door to the cellar open and Spike rolled right down the stairs in his plastic ball. He seemed dazed, but otherwise fine. The day I came home from school and ran up to my room to see him, as I was wont to do. It was there that I had discovered that Spike was in fact a female, and had thirteen little hamster babies in the cage with her, six of whom she was EATING. Yes, people, my hamster was thrown into premature labor from a tumble down the stairs in her ball, and I got to witness exactly how fucked up nature is at a very tender age. Hamster balls kill!
Spike never really took to being a mother. I think she was just too young. She would run like a crazy person on her little wire wheel, sometimes flipping the babies all the way around if they got too close. (Eventually we got wise and got her a solid plastic wheel.) And once we got the yellow plastic Habitrail tubes and accompanying tower/loft she'd escape up there whenever possible and just chill out and fling her turds everywhere in her depression. When the babies got old enough, we gave them to the pet store with the exception of one -- a delightful little chipmunk beauty named Cupcake. When giving up the babies at the pet store I got so sad that my mom was bamboozled into buying me another female hamster (a fabulous gray angora whom I would groom with a Barbie brush) who promptly bit me when we got home and was thus dubbed "Jaws." We dumped her into the cage with the others, and the day I came home to find Jaws just humping the life out of Cupcake. Yes, believe it, Jaws was a male. Cupcake had thirteen babies, thus perpetuating the cycle of hamster teen pregnancy while Spike looked on with judgment and dismay. It was a lot like Precious, except with sunflower seeds instead of chicken. The point of all of this is for the love of God do not defund Planned Parenthood! If Spike had access to free counseling and birth control, we all could have avoided a real tragedy. Also, the teenagers who work at your local pet store know absolute shit so you should do a little research yourself, or else risk your fourth grader asking you a lot of questions about hamster cannibalism.
But I digress. Jay tells the girls that if you go backstage at any fashion show these days, you'll see a photo shoot happening. They're going to be doing the very same thing today. The girls will have a backstage photo shoot before they go out on the runway, shot by Top Model favorite Russell James. The girls are beside themselves with joy. Backstage, hairstylist Abby Roll works on Nicole. Russell says that in his book, which is called Russell James and which he feels not at all cheesy about shilling, there is a whole section devoted to backstage shoots. They've become even more important than what happens on the runway, he says, and it takes models with a very special talent to understand what's going on.
Russell shoots Brittani first, and she seems to feel relatively comfortable despite her excitement about working with Russell. Ondrei's face has an intensity that translates well to film. Alexandria loves to push her upper lip out, and also to engage in bitchface. She interviews that she has natural swag, which is something that you either have or you don't. She also doesn't care what anyone else has to say about her, or if they like her. Thought she doesn't say it, the implication is clear: Alexandria isn't here to make friends. Mikaela looks sleepy-eyed but lovely, while Sara looks terrified. Kasia tells us that she has a leg up on the other girls given her experience, but she knows that as a plus-sized model she has to work harder to achieve the same success. Monique looks sexy even while rolling her eyeballs back into her head. Jaclyn tells us that she's there because of her babyface, and with the help of the Jays and other folks in learning her angles she hopes a good picture will come out. She is really the absolute cutest. Nicole looks icy and Nordic, while Dominique looks sort of uncomfortable despite her resolve to go hard or go home. Dalya has a rather beautiful jawline, while Molly, 23 from Charleston, is at this point rather indistinguishable from Nicole. She tells us that she's a big dork, and was in fact a band geek and jock who hates losing. Hannah fills me with joy, while Angelia has pretty hair but unclear potential. She tells us that she grew up traveling as part of a military family, which helped her become a better person. Everyone poses for a group shot as Jay tells them that they'll be looking for elegant, chic walks. In their hamster balls. Nice try, Orange One.
The luckiest audience in the world files in to watch the girls hopefully humiliate themselves. Miss J. and Erin give pep talks, and Erin suggests that they pretend that the bubble is invisible. That will be harder to do once they see that it has all kinds of motherfucking red confetti in it. Erin also notes that she'll be the guest judge at panel this week, so will be watching them closely. Russell, Jay and Erin take their front row seats, and it's time for the show to begin. Alexandria is first, and proves that it is really difficult to look graceful while walking in a giant hamster ball filled with confetti. She does not, however, fall off of the runway, which I view as a triumph. Monique is so inwardly elated about not falling that she swishes a hand over her head at the end of the runway, which Miss J. instantly mocks. The best thing to do is not give him material. Ondrei, who is 18 and from Muskegon, Michigan, is and tells us that she doesn't have much experience with the runway. I think the twelve-inch runway and hamster ball sort of evens the field in this case. She's scared to death, as she should be. And then it happens. On her return pass, Ondrei wobbles and falls back-first on the runway, encased in her plastic bubble. As we contemplate how much that shit must have hurt, it's time for a commercial break.
When we return, we get to see Ondrei's magical spill once more, along with wacky sound effects because this is like a really high-fashion version of Wipeout. Poor Ondrei can't attend to her concussion because she has to figure out how the heck to maneuver her plastic ball back to land, which, as it turns out, is no easy task. There is a lot of futile spinning and falling before she finally makes it. Ondrei handles the situation with as much grace as is called for, which is none.
Molly is up . There's a contestant named Molly? She's the one who looks like that other one. She does not fall. Sara walks like a mental patient pacing maniacally, and almost slips on her way back to land, but manages to catch herself and the ball and continue on without total humiliation. In this case, it's a victory. Kasia walks clumsily but also manages to save herself from watery embarrassment, while Dalya is careful but deadly slow. Jay makes fun of the fact that she puts her hands on her hips the whole time, like how dare she be so gauche while walking in a high-fashion hamster ball. Hannah's pass is uneventful but for the fact that she's so pretty. Brittani decides that she's going to kill it, and actually kind of does. She's got great pacing and works it as much as possible from inside a plastic ball. Jay is impressed. Angelia has very precarious balance but somehow manages not to fall in the water, while Mikaela maintains stability even while looking through her perma-sleepy eyes.
Dominique is to walk down the watery plank, and from her first step it is evident that there is trouble afoot. She thinks that she got a defective, particularly wobbly bubble. An interesting theory, given that I think there is only one bubble for all the girls. She might want to rethink which element here is wobbly and defective. On her return pass, the bubble slips to the left and she falls, much to the delight of the audience. She appears to land right on her tailbone, which I'm sure feels great. For a minute I lost my mind and forgot about the red confetti in the bubble and thought there was a giant pool of blood sloshing around in there. I wondered why nobody seemed more freaked out. To her credit, Dominique attempts to turn her struggle to reach dry land into a piece of modern dance, and Miss J. cracks up as she flops around. Dominique intends to end this bitch with a bang, and so gives a pose when she finally is out of the water. Then she gives birth to thirteen babies and tears six of them limb from limb for her lunch. Life is cruel sometimes.
The Jays, Russell and Erin critique the girls. Jay makes fun of the two hands on the hips, while I think Miss J. says that they all walked like they were on an overdose of Viagra. What does that even mean? I think he's just trying to throw off our brains so we don't start to question how this challenge is even critique-able. Brittani is the only one who did anything good, so she gets major props. Erin is impressed that nobody died, and so is going to gift each girl a piece of her jewelry. Hope they like giant crosses!
Back at the house, the dreaded skull and crossbones appears on the girls' Tyra Mail screen. Somebody is going home. Dominique hopes that the panel will not be fazed by her impression of a drunken gerbil and put her through for another week. Alexandria, meanwhile, has apparently decided to take Jaclyn on as her mentee. Molly says that Alexandria treats Jaclyn like a four-year old, and we see Alexandria trying to impart a lesson on the runway. It will not surprise you that there is absolutely no evidence that Alexandria knows what she's doing. She does tell us that she spent the past year modeling and did L.A. Fashion Week and New York Fashion Week, and what we get to see for ourselves is that she wears a hat in tribute to the one Madonna wore in the "Borderline" video. With elimination week coming up, Alexandria feels secure. She also has an irresistible urge to spray paint Greek statues. As Alexandria harps on some more, Jaclyn says, "I feel like you're my mother." She does not mean it in a good way, I don't think. Jaclyn says that she might not have as much experience as some of the other girls, but she hopes the judges see that she has the potential to learn and grow. As Alexandria ties Jaclyn's shoelaces for her, we head to commercials.
When we return, it's panel time! We get a moment of backstage glory, when Tyra enters wearing leggings and a t-shirt featuring a likeness of ALT on it. ALT is thrilled and delighted, while Nigel simply says, "It's very cute." Tyra has a hipster wig on, which just makes her look dirty. Not as dirty as Ren, certainly, but dirtier than usual. The girls enter and Tyra tells them that Top Model has made a lot of changes. Yes, the curtain behind the judges is now sapphire blue! Can you handle it? Tyra then says, "I am paying homage to high fashion right now by sporting the lovely Andre Leon Talley on my bod-day. And he feels so goooood." As she says this last bit she runs her hands down her torso, and I want to die. It's creepy enough when Tyra and Nigel hump each other a little bit. I do not want ALT to become involved. Tyra introduces the judges. Nigel of course is there. ALT is back wearing...I don't know what...on his chapeau. I think it's a big makeup brush, maybe? It's just sort of waving around in the back, all fluffy like. The guest judge for the day is of course supermodel and designer Erin Wasson. The prizes are the same as last year: a contract with IMG, a spread in Italian Vogue and a cover and spread in Beauty in Vogue, a feature on Vogue Italia's website, and a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl.
With that, it's time for the critiques of this week's backstage photos. Alexandria is up first, wearing some kind of crazy hooker outfit. Her photo is really great -- it's a black and white profile of her leaning back while a makeup artist applies lip gloss. Nigel thinks her bone structure is phenomenal, and Erin loves the beautiful rawness. ALT thinks that Alexandria's profile is dramatic, and it makes her look good. Much better than she looks head-on, certainly. Tyra says that she remembers backstage at fashion shows there would be the models who just sort of slumped around, and then those who were constantly fierce like Christy Turlington and Linda Evangelista. Those were the girls who ended up in the magazines and George Michael videos, and so Tyra followed suit.
Dalya is up , and looks so pretty in her picture. She's also in profile, looking rather coltish. ALT says that her natural beauty comes out without her having to do anything. Tyra adds that there are ways to pretend like you're not aware of the camera when you are, like faux-stretching. Helpful hint! Nicole is , and she was apparently discovered via Tyra's website. Tyra weirdly says that it kind of freaks her out sometimes. I don't know what that means. ALT says that the photo is dramatic, but he's not sure if it's making him feel like this is a backstage moment. Tyra tells Nicole that she looks young and fresh in person, but in film she looks fifteen years older. Ah, just what every girl wants to hear. Rat tail Sara is up , and I actually think ALT's gag reflex is activated upon seeing her hair monstrosity. Sara's photo is so-so. Erin says that she could be exuding something sensual and sexy, but she hasn't figured out how to get there yet. Tyra says that Sara looks like a 19-year old boy with makeup on in her photo, and that's what she likes about it. Sara looks like she might not be 100% sure how to take that, or maybe her purple American Apparel tights are cutting off her circulation.
up is Ondrei. She sits and gets her hair done, and Nigel says it looks like she's clutching the arms of the electric chair. Tyra disagrees and says it looks like a nervous girl in her first Paris season. Nigel isn't convinced, and says he does see the nerves. Angelia is . Erin notes that there's an aura of mystery to her photo, which could be good, but she's too covered up by her hair. But that's her best feature! Tyra doesn't see a model, but rather a pretty girl who all the boys want. She points out that, as a model, you don't really want the boys to want you -- you want the girls to want what you're wearing. Angelia giggles, perhaps unaware that the "pretty girl" box is not a good one to be in. Hannah is , and her best shot is from the group take. She is standing out and popping amongst the crowd, Nigel says. ALT thinks she looks like a young Jennifer Aniston. I can see that, with maybe a dash of Portia de Rossi thrown in.
we have Kasia, who is the only fiercely real model this cycle. Also the only card-carrying AARP member among the group. Erin points out that Kasia has a very bubbly personality in person, and needs to let that come out more in her photos. Tyra thinks it's so important for a fiercely real or otherwise minority girl to be "better than" her bony competition, just to get the same thing. Kasia has a luscious body, and it's being wasted hiding behind a chair. Monique's photo is very good. She's getting her eye makeup done and just looks totally relaxed and cool. Erin loves it. ALT feels the excitement and anticipation through the photo. Mikaela is , and ALT thinks she looks like the new star. He'd want to know who she is and what's her name if he saw the picture. Nigel says that Mikaela's eyebrows are amazing, and her jawline is incredible. Agreed, but what about the lazy droopy eye? Does no one notice?
Dominique is up . Nigel says that her photo is not striking, and is not saying anything particularly interesting. She's kind of just there. Erin points out that Dominique took a spill at the fashion show, but was jovial and smiled through it all. She had personality in the hamster ball, but that personality could show through more in her photo. we have Jaclyn, who calls Tyra ma'am. Nigel thinks that her photo is very cinematic, and Tyra adds that it's stunning and luscious. It doesn't look like it's her first season. However, it was her only good shot. It's important for Jaclyn to pull up with the muscles in her face, otherwise those adorable chipmunk cheeks will drag her down. Tyra tells Jaclyn that she's capable of excellence before dismissing her. Molly is . She's wearing a midriff-baring shirt, and ALT asks Tyra if she'd go to her first go-see with her tummy hanging out like that. Tyra replies that she wouldn't go to her last go-see like that. Molly is unfazed by their horror. Happily for her, her photo is great. Nigel says there's a lot of character and movement. ALT loves the chin, the neck, and the energy. Erin says that Molly was evoking a lot of intense stuff out of her eyes, and also shouldn't let all of this praise go to her head.
Finally, there is Brittani. She looks like a total crackhead goofball in dress and demeanor. ALT instructs her to retire the feather accessory in her hair forever, while the giant makeup brush on his hat bounces around in agreement. Brittani's photo is great. Nigel says it stands out and is very unique. The makeup artist is applying eyeliner inside the upper lid of Brittani's eye, which does make for a cool picture. Brittani looks calm and gorgeous and stunning, and Tyra says the photo is a work of art.
The judges deliberate. Alexandria's photo is beautiful, and the light loves her. Erin says it's high-fashion, edgy, cool and raw, while ALT commends her for giving the glamour vibe. Erin thinks there's something about Dalya that reads strong and athletic, while Tyra loves her face and thinks she looks like a brand new girl with a big future ahead of her. Nicole isn't truly present in her photo, Nigel says. And then he compares her tight mouth to a cat anus. Even Tyra is like, "WTF?" and Nigel says he sees cat's bottom mouths all the time. ALT wonders if he should know when to fold 'em and not re-sign for another season. ALT thinks that Sara is quirky and that sometimes there's a need for a quirky model. Tyra says that Ondrei is a very sweet and approachable girl, and ALT agrees that she seems warm and friendly. Angelia has beautiful eyes like Jasmine in Aladdin, but Nigel says he'd never book her based on her photo. At least she doesn't have a mouth like a cat's anus. Erin thinks that Hannah might be able to turn into a sex kitten, while Nigel thinks she's pretty but doesn't read model.
Kasia's picture isn't doing it for ALT, but he'd like her to go forward and see her do something else. Tyra loves her cheekbones, and notes that she doesn't think she's seen a fiercely real girl with Eastern European looks. Nigel likes that Monique's eyes are telling so many stories, and says her photo is an ad campaign straight off. ALT thinks that Mikaela's shot is an Italian Vogue cover, while Erin likes the fact that she's quite small and petite. She is? In any case, Erin would like to see more of her personality. Tyra agrees that Mikaela's seeming meekness doesn't match the face. ALT doesn't think that Dominique's picture does much for her, but in person she shows some great beauty. Tyra says that Dominique needs an injection of fuel and energy in her soul, and if she sticks around a major makeover is planned. Jaclyn's photo isn't great for the story idea, but ALT thinks that there's something fabulous in the light in her eyes. Erin compares Jaclyn to drinking sweet tea on the front porch in Texas, which is exactly right. Molly's picture has everything going for her in the eyes, the hair, the neck, and the bone structure. Nigel says this is the reason why people call you back. Brittani's photo is frighteningly beautiful, according to ALT. Erin is a big fan, and says that her bone structure is soft but hits the light in all the right ways. With that, the judges have reached a decision.
Fourteen beautiful young ladies stand before Tyra, but she only has thirteen photos in her hands. And these photos represent the girls who are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. The first name she calls, which is also the best photo recipient, is Molly. Well, now maybe I'll remember that she exists. Brittani gets the runner up for best photo, and will appear as digital art in their house only if Molly can't fulfill her duties. Tyra calls Alexandria, Mikaela, Dalya, Hannah, Ondrei, Monique, Nicole, Kasia, Jaclyn, and Sara. This leaves Dominique and Angelia in the bottom two. Two beautiful ladies stand before Tyra, but she only has one photo in her hands. And that photo represents the girl who is still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. Tyra will only call one name, and the name she does not call will have to return immediately to the model house, pack her bags, and go home. Angelia is so beautiful, but the judges felt no emotional connection in her picture. They wonder if she might be the prettiest girl in the room, but not the strongest model. Then there's Dominique. She's beautiful, striking, and interesting, and has freckles the likes of which the judges have never seen. These make her unique. However, her photo captures what's genetically there but not what's inside her soul. I think the judges should be grateful for this, since from what we've seen her soul contains something like Chuckie mixed with The Little Mermaid's Ursula.
So who stays? Dominique does. Her name was called because the judges know she has a fire and sparkle, but it means absolutely nothing if she can't capture it on film. Tyra hugs Angelia and tells her to go home and practice and take some pictures. Angelia is shocked that she has been eliminated, and says that she did bring a lot of energy to her pictures. She knows she's not just a pretty face, and says she wasn't always just the pretty girl at school. She was the pretty and bland girl at school. Angelia says that she knows her stuff, but didn't get a chance to prove it and show that she knows how to work it. She's determined to do it on her own. At the very least I think her hair has a solid career ahead of it.
week: Acting! Plus therapy! The girls have a photo shoot with bees, and Jaclyn notes that she is, in fact, allergic to bees. Just when we thought her face couldn't get puffier!
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