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It's time for go-sees, Sydney-style! The girls are sent off with a map, some addresses, and a cab. And, of course, a drop-dead deadline for being back to the agency where they started. Renee, Jaslene, and Natasha are generally impressive to the designers, while Dionne is impressive to me for the way she wrangles some free clothes. And then, there is Brittany. She seems to have a hard time actually finding her destinations, even when she's on the right street, and fails to impress even one of the designers. She tries to squeeze in one last go-see when, as any good student of ANTMs past could tell you, she should have hoofed it back to the agency, and when her cab driver fails to read her mind, she fails to make her deadline. And then, she goes ape-shit. She cries, throws her portfolio, and uses almost continuous expletives to describe her cab driver, and the best part is that everyone who DID make it on time and is inside of the agency -- including the agency's director -- can totally hear her. Natasha was one minute late and also disqualified, but handles it all in style. Jaslene ends up winning the challenge, and she and Dionne get a bonus shoot at the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge. The photo shoot for the week is two-fold: the girls have to pose in bathing suits with a male model first for a "soft/sexy" shoot that would appear in a women's magazine (photographed by Tyra), and then pose for a "just plain sexy/ho-style" shoot for a men's magazine. For the most part the girls do well, though Dionne gets a lot of criticism for looking mean. At judging, Jaslene, Natasha and Renee jump to the head of the pack. Dionne's struggles at the photo shoot put her in the bottom two. But though Brittany's photos are great, as usual, personality deficiency coupled with the fact that not one of the go-see designers said that they would book her puts her in the bottom two again, and she goes home. Luckily, tomorrow she won't even remember she was on the show at all. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on ANTM: The girls hit the streets of Sydney, Australia, to hone the interviewing skills that I'm sure they'll need as they lapse into obscurity months from now. A Cover Girl commercial went on as smooth as TruBlend foundation for Natasha and Renee, but was disastrous as a zit that refuses to be concealed for Jael and Brittany. Jael failed to sell her commercial side and was sent home to whip as many boys' asses as she pleases. Five golden bitches remain.
And since Tyra keeps asking...no thanks, I don't actually want to be on top. Unless it's of spaghetti, all covered with cheese. Which, in fact, is not so different than this show, except that Jaslene never loses her meatballs when somebody sneezes.
We are in Sydney! Beautiful city of beautiful things and beautiful people. The girls ride home in their limo. Renee says that she's so glad they all made it to the final five. Natasha busts out her signature line: "Oh my God, I cannot believe it!" and appears to flagellate herself. Renee says that it's going to be so strange not having Jael in the house, since she's the one who's so much fun all the time. Apparently, Renee's version of "fun" is getting a verbal ass-whipping by someone she admittedly hates. By this same logic, maybe they should have Goofy start berating people while they wait in line at Disney World. Renee interviews that Brittany used her short-term memory as a crutch at panel, and we flash back to Lucy Excusey blubbering in front of the judges. Renee thinks it was unfair that Jael was sent home. Well, on that, I'll have to disagree. Brittany was pretty bad at the Cover Girl commercial, and is really annoying, but she had done a great job up until that point. And Jael didn't stand a chance in Wetslicks of winning the show. Brittany interviews that it sucked to see Jael go home, but at the same time, Jael knew she was going home, because Brittany seems to be doing a lot better at the photo shoots. The way that Brittany says this is further proof of her annoying tendencies. It comes off as pretty snotty.
At home, there has been a speedy delivery of Jael mail. The cover page reads, "Empty your souls and let your spirit sparkle the universe! XOXO, Gramps." Of course it does. There is a letter for everyone. Natasha's says that she's the most beautiful girl that Jael has ever seen. Aw. Renee's says, "When you win, will you loan me a thousand dollars to pay my rent?" Brittany's says, "If you'd gotten cut, you know I would have sacrificed myself for you." What we don't see is that this is followed by two check boxes marked "true" and "false." I mean, come on. And then we hear the voice of reason from our trusty stalwart Dionne. She says that she wanted Brittany to go home, because when the girls did their acting challenge with Tia Mowry, Brittany was all excited about it and knew every line word for word. Hey, that's what I said! But when it came to the Cover Girl commercial, we got the blubbering about the short term memory. "Short-term memory? You are LYING!" says Dionne. She adds that Brittany always makes up an excuse for every single thing. Let us just think of this episode as a test to prove out that hypothesis.
Tyra Mail! "There is more to go see than kangaroos and koalas. Love, Tyra." Everyone knows, of course, that this means it's go-see time. The girls head to Priscilla's Model Management, where they meet proprietor Priscilla Leighton Clark. She introduces Jodhi Meares, who is a client and one of Australia's top models, as well as the host for season three of Australia's Top Model. Priscilla tells the girls that they'll be going out to meet several different designers who represent very different areas of fashion. Jodhi tells the girls that it's important for them to be chameleons so the designers can see the girls selling their products. She adds that they should know their audience. Well, given that I'm sure they've never heard of these designers before, that might be a touch difficult. The girls will be judged on their personalities, portfolios, and runway walks, and the girl who makes the best impression on the designers will win the challenge. Priscilla tells the girls that they must be back to the agency by 4:30. Anyone who is back after 4:30 will be disqualified. With that, they are sent to terrorize the land Down Under yet again.
The girls all rush for cabs. Each has in her possession a map, names of the designers, and addresses. Jaslene gets to her first designer, Anna & Boy, which is run by Lill Boyd and Anna Hewitt, and tells us that her strategy is to be calm, cool, and collective [sic]. I guess that means all the voices in her head will sing in unison for once. They have her try on a bikini, saying that she has a great runway body. Either Anna or Lill says that Jaslene holds herself well when she walks, and would be great. Natasha sees her first designer and tells us that she's very sexy and is bringing everything she learned to this challenge. Designer Wayne Cooper sees Renee. He says that photographically, she needs some work, but he would definitely book her in a show.
Meanwhile, Brittany has asked her cab driver to take her to 13 Cook Road. She rings the bell at 15-19 Cook Road, and she can't understand why no one is answering. She doesn't remember that it's 13 because of her short term memory! She walks around in a state of confusion. I mean, an even greater state of confusion. Dionne makes it to Anna and Boy and walks in a hot bikini. They say that she has a very strong personality, which is great -- she's confident and bubbly. So bubbly and confident, in fact, that she jokingly asks as she's going to change whether she can keep the swimsuit. And they give it to her! Dionne is my hero.
Finally, as the other four girls all travel to their second go-see, Brittany finds 13 Cook Road. She walks, and she kind of looks like she has cerebral palsy. Designer Tina Kalivas says that Brit needs a lot of work with her runway walk, so Tina wouldn't book her. She's prejudiced! First of all, against people with cerebral palsy, and second, against people who have been hit by cars as teenagers. After all, it's a miracle that Brit can even remember how to walk! Brittany interviews that she guesses there's a lot of pressure, but she's not feeling it. If one designer doesn't like you, it's not the end of the world. This is Brittany's life philosophy, which is why she continues to be so annoying week after week.
Renee sees designer Jayson Brunsdon, who says that she has a tendency to look a little hard, but that she would nonetheless have a good future in modeling. Wayne Cooper asks Natasha how tall she is, and she totally ignores him and keeps on walking, causing him to yell, "Hello?" Dude, she hears that so much that by now, she just thinks it's the sound of the wind. At designer Arabella Ramsey, Dionne says that she loves her ugly '80s-style tank top. She asks if she can keep it, and the designer once again says yes. Dionne has found the perfect scam. Unsurprisingly, she says that go-sees are a lot of fun. Brittany tries to see another designer, but she becomes quite confounded by how to operate an elevator.
Renee heads to designer Kit Willow. Renee tells us that she heard that Kit just had a baby, so Renee snuck a couple of photos of her son into her portfolio. The ruse works as Kit lets out an "Awwwww" when she gets to the photos of Troy and notes that she just had a baby girl. Well done, Renee! Brittany heads over to Anna & Boy, and she interviews that she's okay with the small-talk thing, but this is a professional setting, and you're not really there to chat. However, you're also not there to sit in awkward silence with the charisma of an eggplant. No, no. An eggplant is too charismatic. With the charisma of a rutabaga. Yeesh. Jaslene sees designer Anna McCall, who says she's fantastic with a walk that's strong but not too over the top. Brittany walks for designer Wayne Cooper, who yells at her to get her arms under control. He tells us that she's very uncoordinated and that catwalking doesn't come naturally to her.
Dionne sees Kit McCall and isn't so into Kit's dog. Good thing, or she might have asked to keep him. Kit tells Dionne to put her shoulders back since they're rounded, and notes that her posture needs some work. Dionne asks if she can keep a pair of shoes, and Kit just looks dumbfounded. Dionne then sees Wayne Cooper, who loves the look of a gorgeous black dress on her brown skin, and tells us that she has a lot of confidence and that he'd definitely book her. She changes and returns the dress, and he jokes with her that he thought he'd see it hanging out of her pocket on her way out. She laughs, because what's funny is also often true.
Designer Arabella Ramsay says that Jaslene was very young and fresh, which she liked. Natasha, on the other hand, was very sexual and flirtatious, and that's something that Arabella would not go for. Natasha gives Arabella a hug before she leaves, and we hear the needle scratching on the record. Do not touch the designers! They bite. Dionne tells us that she has one hour left, so she's going to see designer Alice McCall and then head back to Priscilla's. Dionne asks Alice if she can keep a top, and Alice quite correctly answers, "You can buy it." Finally, someone has put a stop to the madness! Anna & Boy think that Renee had great legs and a great body for swimwear. They call her "NeNe," which means that either the girls were forced to use their alter ego names, or Renee just stupidly decided to do so herself. Renee and Dionne head back to Priscilla's, because they don't want to be disqualified.
Brittany, meanwhile, asks her cab driver how long it will take to get back to Priscilla's. He says it will take fifteen minutes, and she says that in that case, she's going to go over to Cooper. And then she walks off, with nary another word. This fact becomes quite important later. And then, as history would predict, Brittany has trouble finding the building that she's looking for. Jaslene rushes down from her last go-see and flies into the cab, worried about time.
Renee is first to get to Priscilla's, followed closely by Dionne. Jaslene is in a cab, freaking out and asking the driver to go faster. Brittany gets in her last go-see at Alice McCall, apologizing for being on such a time schedule. She says that she tried to see the designer as quickly as possible, and will hopefully get brownie points for that. Um, no you won't. Try watching the show once in a while, asshole. Brittany gets outside the building, and then shrilly says, "Okay, obviously my cab driver didn't come the fuck over here like I asked him to." She interviews that when she saw that the cab driver wasn't there, she realized she was fucked. The ticking time clock shows nine minutes until 4:30, with Jaslene and Natasha in cabs, and Brittany on the street. Try to hold your suspense as we head to commercials.
When we return, a teary Brittany tells us that she asked her cab driver to meet her on Cooper Street, and obviously he didn't listen. She tells him as much when she finally gets to where he's parked, then slams the door shut. He says that she didn't tell him to meet her. We flash back to her leaving him and not telling him to meet her on Cooper, which is like one big "Shut up, Brittany" from the editors. Natasha interviews that her strategy was to meet as many designers as possible, but at the same time, it was really, really important to get back to Priscilla's on time. Jaslene interviews that she went to see one last designer, which she shouldn't have, because she can't fail this challenge. We get Amazing Race-esque flashes of Brittany, Jaslene, and Natasha in cabs just before we see a cab pulling up outside of Priscilla's. And out of it emerges...Jaslene! She runs in with exactly one minute to spare. Jaslene, I am happy to tell you that you're the third model to arrive. Congratulations. She interviews that she couldn't believe Natasha and Brittany weren't there, and says, "We had two slackers." Because Jaslene was sooooooo on time. Dionne, Renee, and Jaslene watch the clock tick down, and give a cheer when 4:30 comes. Kind of mean, but I'd do it too.
Priscilla and Jodhi emerge and congratulate the three girls for making it back on time. And then, in runs Natasha. She gives a "Yes!" Renee snottily tells her not to "yes," because she missed the deadline. "No I did not," says Natasha. But, in fact, she did. It's 4:32. Priscilla tells her that even if you're one minute late, designers won't want to see you. Consequently, she's disqualified and asked to wait outside. She does so without complaint. She interviews that if she hadn't been disqualified, she knows she would have won the challenge, because she would book more jobs than any of the other girls. Seriously, she should just get a tattoo that reads, "I am best," and she can point to it all the time.
Priscilla congratulates the three on-time girls for being true professionals and meeting their deadline. Meanwhile, Brittany runs out of her cab and to the door of Priscilla's. She looks like Casper in a brown dress, floating through the streets of Sydney. Except minus the friendliness. Brittany sees Natasha, who shakes her head and says that she was thirty seconds late and still disqualified. Brittany yells, "I asked my fucking cab driver to meet me on Cooper Street, and he didn't fucking show up," then throws her portfolio on the ground in a rage. Cut to inside Priscilla's, where everyone can hear everything she's saying. Okay, that is awesome. Priscilla looks disturbed. Renee gives a look indicating that she is totally scandalized, but also really enjoying it. Because that's how Renee reacts when faced with the misfortunes of others.
Back outside, Natasha tells Brittany that it's okay, and Brittany brattily yells, "It's not okay! It sucks, because it's not my fucking fault! It's his, 'cause I asked him to meet me over there." She starts bawling. We get a reaction shot from Priscilla, who looks an awful lot like Rosie O'Donnell. Right now, I wish she actually were Rosie O'Donnell, so she could shut Brittany up with a well timed "Sit and spin, my friend." Cut back to outside, where Natasha is telling Brittany that some people have war in their countries. Like, seriously. Tough titty, Britty. Get over it and pipe down. But, she doesn't. Brittany cries that it took her two minutes to get back to the cab, and if he had been waiting for her on Cooper Street, she would have made it. Well, then, she should have told him to wait for her on Cooper Street. I mean, this is clearly her own fault, any way you slice it. Natasha tries to comfort Brittany, and Brittany actually screams at her to stop telling her not to be upset, and that she can be upset if she wants to. At this point Natasha just kind of laughs. One really dangerous part of short-term memory loss is that you can totally forget about the need for human decency. She's like a monster. If she still had the scraggly weave, she would really look like she walked right out of a Tennessee Williams play.
Back inside, Priscilla hilariously understates, "I assume that Brittany knows that she's been disqualified." Yes, and George W. Bush is kind of slow. I mean, seriously. Priscilla gives the girls their feedback from the designers. Renee has a great personality (really?), but the designers thought she photographed too hard at times. Dionne's personality appealed to the judges, but she needs to work on her posture. Jaslene has a great body and walk, and also got the best feedback overall. She's the winner! Yay, Jaslene! She is so excited, and she notes that she hasn't yet won a challenge. Her prize is a photo shoot on top of Sydney Harbor Bridge. Pretty cool. She picks Dionne to share it with her. Priscilla congratulates all three of the girls and sends them on their way.
When they get outside, Natasha kindly says, "Can I hug the winner?" Meanwhile, Brittany regales everyone with the tale of how she was fucked because her cab driver didn't listen to her. Jaslene interviews as if she's talking directly to Brit, "Brittany? Why you put up these excuses that make yourself look bad?" She adds that Brittany has constant excuses for everything. Brittany brats that she only missed the deadline by a minute, and Renee says that's not true, because Natasha was legitimately only one minute late. Brittany clearly does not feel like she's getting the appropriate sympathy. It's hard to make people feel bad for you when you both look and act like a cracked-out Ronald McDonald. , she'll be calling up Mayor McCheese and asking to appeal the decision.
Jaslene and Dionne, meanwhile, have their photo shoot on top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge. And their photographer is Nigel! It's good times for all.
Meanwhile, there is Tyra Mail, read by Natasha for extra amusement: "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Can you rock each planet? Half of your picture perfect future is in my hands. Love, Tyra." The girls are puzzled. Dionne speculates that it might have something to do with aliens, because of the "future" connection. Oh, if only little green men would come to take them away. For, like, thirty minutes, they sit there and still can't figure it out. Brittany speculates that maybe Tyra will be dressed as a guy, or maybe Tyra is taking the pictures. Jaslene screams, "Jes!" at the latter. Renee says that she's really nervous about having Tyra take her picture, because a) you want to impress Tyra with all you've learned; b) Tyra is a judge; c) Tyra is THE judge. With that reminder of exactly who is in charge, we head to commercials.
When we return, it is 5:30 AM, and the girls are meeting with Jay Manuel on a beach. They must think that they're having a collective nightmare. Jay tells the girls that today, they're going to do two very distinct photo shoots -- one that would appear in a women's magazine (read: soft porn), and one that would appear in a men's magazine (practically porn, without the nipples). And, of course, Tyra is the photographer for the first shoot because, as Jay says, she knows all about women and is very sensitive to women. Like a modern Susan B. Anthony, Tyra works tirelessly for the right of all women to display their posteriors at the most flattering angle. Renee interviews that she's excited to have Tyra there on set to see how the girls work. Tyra tells the girls that she doesn't want them to look all Playboy with her -- it has to be soft, beautiful, and fashion. With the male photographer, however, they can whore it up. The girls learn the most exciting fact of all -- they are shooting in swimsuits, and with sexy men. Woo! Tyra says that the light in the early morning is the most beautiful light of the day, which is why models get up at the crack of dawn for shoots. We cut to the sky, which is 85% cloudy. God hates this show.
The girls get made up. Brittany asks for help putting in an earring, and Sutan says, "It's always something with you, huh?" Brittany tells us that all the girls were getting extensions, and she's okay with that as long as they're not sewn in. Her long hair actually looks pretty nice. Tyra shoots her with her male model and asks how she's doing. Brittany says she's a little cold, but that's okay. It does look like it's freezing. Tyra tells Brittany not to be afraid of her sexuality, and Brittany gets a little closer with the male model. After the shoot, Tyra tells us that it seemed like Brittany was nervous and holding back, but there's still something in her eyes that's spellbinding -- she has "that thing." That thing, that thing, that thiiiiiiiiing.
Dionne is . She says that having Tyra as a photographer and director made her more comfortable than she usually is. Tyra has Dionne sit in the sand, then notes how she always hated when a photographer would make her do that. How nice that Tyra has thirteen naifs every season upon whom to work out all her past issues. Tyra gives Dionne a lot of direction and tells her that she tends to get a little mean in the eyebrows, which isn't good, given that her face is already so strong. And, generally, having a model scowl at you isn't going to make you want to buy perfume or underwear or whatever it is. Tyra tells us that it seemed like Dionne's concentration was off, and that she needed a lot of direction, which was frustrating. She thinks that Dionne is going to have a nice shot, but not an amazing shot.
Then we have Jaslene. Tyra says that she was a little disappointed with Jaslene. She wanted to feel a vibe or connection with her, but felt nothing. She tells Jaslene and the male model that they're not working together, and so they get a little closer. Jaslene interviews that she wondered how she could do it standing to this male model, and that she had had to tell herself to let it go and not to be so tense. Why does she hate this guy so much? Maybe it's because his name is "Tamati," and she says, "Tomatey." Things seem to get better, and Tyra tells Jaslene that it got magical toward the end. They hug, and we get a full-on shot of Jaslene's tiny little butt. It is cute in accordance with the rule of miniatures.
Renee is and has to kneel down in the water. She tells us that it was really cold. Renee has a big-ass tattoo on her lower back. She puts her arms up in the air like she just don't care, and Tyra loves it. She tells Renee that she's understanding the exercise, and then tells us that Renee has a natural "thing." It's called being attractive. Renee tells us that she had no idea how she looked in the freezing water, but Tyra seemed to like it, so that's what counts. And why wouldn't you value the opinion of a woman who, while serving in the role of a professional photographer, gets her pants wet in the ocean and then baby-voices, "I made a pee-pee. I made a pee-pee mommy"? I bet Annie Leibovitz does that all the time.
Natasha is and is SO EXCITED. Tyra has her lay down in the sand, and she and the male model get in various rump-to-bump poses. Tyra keeps telling Natasha to elongate her neck, and then tells us that Natasha will have some nice photos, but not as many to choose from, given her tendency to scrunch up into a turtle neck. Natasha says that Tyra is a great photographer, because she gives you so many compliments. I guess "Don't lose your neck" must translate into "Natasha is now, as always, most beautiful girl on planet earth" in Russian.
And then it's time for the sexy men's magazine shoot. Tyra tells the girls that the models who can have both women and men love them are the most famous models in the world. So, big boobs, but not too big, I guess. Australian photographer Michael Omm will be helming the second shoot. Jaslene is up first, and Jay loves the fact that she came to set (snap snap snap) ready. Jay yells out compliments about how gorgeous and hot she looks, which Jaslene loves. is Dionne, who keeps giving mean instead of sexy. Jay tells her that a little smirky kind of smile works for her, because it de-means the whole thing. Michael Omm just says, "More sex." Why waste syllables about the face when a veritable grunt will cause a model to rub her own chest into a lather? Eventually Dionne gets something soft and pretty, at least according to Jay.
is Renee. She interviews that she likes being sexy, because that's one thing she knows she's good at. Tell it to your mullet, sweetie. Michael Omm says, "Grab his hand, put it on your ass, and keep your hand on it." Too hot for The CW! Renee looks like she's going to eat the male model's face. Even Jay has to fan himself. He says that Renee committed to the shot, and that it was stunning and looked gorgeous. Brit is , and seems to be a little stiff at first. Jay tells her that he hopes that's not how she's intimate in real life. It certainly doesn't represent how she's intimate with her inner rage. Finally, though, she gets it, and Jay tells her he's never seen her look that sexual in a picture before. Brittany says that she wouldn't do anything different, because she did get the shot off eventually, and in this competition, it's all about one shot. Wrong again! Brittany really overestimates her knowledge of all things Top Model.
Finally, there is Natasha. Jay tells Michael that she might give them porn star, so they've got to watch it. And then, she kind of does. Jay says that every now and then Natasha had an awkward pose, but overall, she got the vibe they were going for. Natasha interviews that she thinks this was her best shoot yet. Seriously, Natasha was made for FHM. And that's a wrap!
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. And if you don't know who it is, you, much like Brittany, have never watched this show before. Jaslene says that she wants Renee to go home. Renee's there because she's hungry for the money, and she also looks old. Dionne has no idea who's going to go or who's going to stay. Brittany picks up an enormous sandwich, then puts it down without taking a bite. She forgot how to chew! Oh, it really is a debilitating condition. She says that the photo shoot was her opportunity to get back into good graces, so to speak, and she doesn't think she'll be in the bottom two again, because she did a damn good job. And if that isn't the case, it's okay, because she'll get on plane and forget why she was ever in Australia in the first place, or what an Australia is, or what feat of magic allows her to ride in the belly of a giant bird. Commercials.
When we return, we are welcomed to panel by photos of Tyra in a bathing suit. Or should I say, THE bathing suit. Airbrushed to hell, but definitely the same suit. And you know, I kind of think those photos were one of the best things to happen to Tyra in recent years, because had you ever seen more of her than when she was telling us to kiss her fat (but not really that fat) ass? I just got the latest issue of Shape yesterday, and she's on the cover and STILL talking about it. I think the problem with Tyra is that, underneath the "I'm every woman" posturing, it is just not that easy to relate to her. Like, wow, you gained 20 pounds after being a supermodel for ten years, and had to go to Paris when you were only 17, and Naomi Campbell was mean to you? My heart weeps for anyone who has known such struggle. I mean, come on. And then on top of it, she does stuff like this.
Anyway, it's cute dress day! The girls are all wearing flirty spring dresses, with the exception of Natasha, who is in all black. I think she took the instruction to wear something sweet and floaty to mean "Look like a beat poet, hee!" Expect her to recite "Howl" momentarily. There are prizes, there are judges. Priscilla Leighton Clark is the guest judge, which pretty much ensures that Brittany is screwed.
Speaking of Brittany, she's up first. Tyra says that she understands Brittany's go-see didn't end so well, and asks her to explain what happened. Brittany says that she didn't leave enough time for extenuating circumstances and so she was late, which was a big mistake. She conveniently leaves out the part where she LOST HER MIND. The editors, however, happily remind us. And so does Priscilla. She tells Brittany that she has to learn to contain herself, because people don't like tantrums. Brittany cries and says that she's worried because she did so poorly last week and is frustrated with herself. And then, Tyra kind of awesomely takes this opportunity to deliver a dagger to the heart. She tells Brittany that none of the designers from the go-sees wanted to book her. "Not one," she adds for emphasis. Tyra thinks it's strange, because Brittany has some of the strongest photos. Brittany is really surprised. Twiggy asks if she was emotional on the go-sees, and Brittany says she wasn't. Twiggy is shocked that no one would book her. Tyra says that Brittany is the perfect example of how you can't just be pretty and have pretty pictures to be a model, and that there might have been a vibe or personality issue that didn't click with the designers. Well, yeah, she's annoying and her walk sucks. I think that's reason enough.
In better news for Brittany, the judges look at her photos for the week. Her sexy men's magazine photo is really great, so much so that it inspires Tyra to say, "Silky silky." Silky silky indeed! What does that even mean? Twiggy says that the camera loves Brittany, which is why she has to work harder to take care of the personality stuff. And then I think Tyra really hates Brittany, because she says that she was surprised about the sexiness, because she always thought of Brittany as an ethereal and angelic beauty, "That guys are gonna be like, 'I don't get why she's a model,'" because guys are so one-track about beauty, and don't understand Brittany's type of beauty sometimes. I think Tyra just called Brittany funky-looking. Men do, however, understand overt sexuality, says Tyra, so it's great that Brittany can do both. Her women's magazine shoot is really good too, and Nigel praises her versatility. Ms. J. tells her to cut out the model tear droplets. Jay Manuel had reported that Brit let the male model outshine her, and Tyra tells her not to do that.
up is Natasha. She has to admit that she was also late. Priscilla tells her that she handled it very well. Brittany scowls and wishes that she had a portfolio around to throw at Natasha. Natasha's men's magazine photo is unsurprisingly great. Twiggy commends her for excelling over the past several weeks. Tyra notes that she often has to tell Natasha that her lips are getting in the way, but this is the one time when it's okay to push them out. She says that they're kind of open, like, "Yeah, baby, come on, baby." Silky silky, redux! The women's magazine shot is good, too. Priscilla really likes that Natasha is so confident. Nigel says that Natasha has a Calvin Klein-esque look. Tyra says that she enjoyed shooting Natasha, and that Natasha did a really good job, but she has the tendency to turtle, which is not so good.
we have Jaslene, the challenge winner. Her men's magazine shot is bangin'. Tyra says that she has the kind of eye contact with the camera that men love. Nigel says that even with half of her face covered with hair, she still maintains a great face shot. Actually, I think that's maybe why it's so good. Oh, I kid. I'm actually really feeling Jaslene these days. The judges also really like her softer shot, and Nigel says that the angles make it look like she has a perfect body. Tyra notes that when Jaslene first came on set she was quiet and meek. Jaslene says that she was really nervous and so focused on posing that she didn't even think about connecting with Tyra. Twiggy tells her that it's really important to connect with the photographer.
up is Dionne. I think her sexy photo is great -- her skin looks amazing -- but Ms. J. says that it's not one of her best shoots. Tyra says that Dionne tends to go into mean face, which in Tyra's replication comes along with an ape-like grunt. I know that sometimes when I'm mean I can't even say why, because I'm so busy grunting. So Dionne has to learn to give a softer kind of sexiness. Ms. J. asks her to give him three poses, and they all look mean. Dionne says that she never realized it until it was pointed out to her, and that she just must look mean naturally. Which is kind of true. In her soft photo, Nigel says that the male model looks nice and relaxed, but Dionne, even though she's connecting with the camera, doesn't. It's a little too aggressive. Tyra says that Dionne has to be directed for every little thing, and she needs to learn to relax and listen to the photographer and feel it. Twiggy tells Dionne that she should want to inspire the photographer. Dionne actually wants to beat the photographer. This might be her problem.
Finally, we have Renee. Her men's magazine photo is great. Twiggy loves the eye contact and says that the entire thing is very "come hither." She gets all a-twitter when she says, "Come hither," and I think she actually has to adjust in her seat a little. If you can turn on Twiggy, you've pretty much cornered the market. Nigel says the look that Renee is giving in the photograph is a favorite one amongst male magazines, because it makes the reader think you want him, no matter how sweaty he is, or how many stains are on his wifebeater. Tyra also notes that Renee has "the booty tooch." Come again? Tyra clarifies that the backside is a new sex accessory, and that Renee is "tooching that back and that booty to make men look back there." Who knew? I'm going to have to start tooching my hooch on a more regular basis. Then maybe I'll be slinky, slinky, too! Hey, a girl can dream. Oh my God, I think I actually just lost my command of the English language for a second. Talking about this show is like speaking in tongues sometimes. I feel like I've been to Jesus Camp. Anyway, Priscilla thinks that Renee is very graceful in her softer shot. Tyra likes that where Renee tooched her booty in the first shot, she's arching her back in the second. Is that maybe a reverse tooch? A triple sow tooch? A downtooch dog? Anyway, kudos to Renee.
The judges deliberate. Ms. J. loves Natasha and notes that she's sexy without even trying. Priscilla thinks she's got the whole package -- she has personality, sex appeal, and a good look, and she wants it. Tyra notes that it was also a pleasure to shoot her, because she came on the set with such positive energy. Twiggy says that Brittany is incredibly photogenic, but obviously, whatever she brings to a meeting is putting people off. Ms. J. says this was the first time IN TOP MODEL HISTORY that no designer wanted to book a girl after go-sees. That is pretty bad. Tyra notes that the designers didn't like her walk or her personality, and Nigel says that this exemplifies what they're always saying about needing personality to get hired. Tyra says that if you don't get the job, you don't exist in the modeling world. Ms. J. says that Jaslene has something, and that the other girls had better watch out, because Jaslene's coming for them. Twiggy says that, unlike Brittany, Jaslene brings in something warm and likeable, and her photos are also sensational. Tyra says that Jaslene proved that she was versatile.
Dionne's photographs were the weakest of the week, according to Twiggy. Tyra thinks that Dionne is going backwards in her personal appearance -- she's losing some of the model and going back to the mall. It's taking away the model inspiration that the judges need. Priscilla says that when Renee came into her agency, she thought that she was a nice girl but really commercial. When she saw Renee's photos, she could have been knocked down with a feather. Priscilla was blown away. Tyra says that Renee could possibly make the most money of anyone there, but she fears that Renee might always be a catalogue girl. Twiggy still thinks that she has a great future, most likely because she has already mastered the art of the tooch.
The girls return. Jaslene is called first, followed by Natasha and Renee. This, of course, leaves Dionne and Brittany. Brittany has taken some beautiful photos, but sucked on her go-sees. And if you don't get hired, you don't exist in the modeling industry. Dionne's pictures, however, are just "nice," and now Tyra knows why. She has to be coached extensively, like this is week one. So who goes home? Well, duh, it's Brittany. You really don't get to freak out like that. Brittany tells us that hearing that none of the go-see designers wanted to book her made her realize that she has a lot to learn. She says that she's not really an emotional person, so she doesn't know what made that side of her come out. It shocked her, and she didn't know how to handle it. She says that she's just glad that she got to have this experience, and that it's something that a lot of girls out there wish they could have. She's going to miss it, and says it's been a lot of fun. That's right, girl. You tooch your booty and hold your head high as you slinky slinky out of that house, and then no one can stop you.
week: The girls embrace the art of aboriginal storytelling, and it looks as if Renee wants to plot with Dionne and Jaslene to oust a sick Natasha.