In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
And we have reached the point in the season when it is time for...acting! The girls head to a theater, where they meet one of the twins who had a show about being twins but aren't the Olsens who now, quite coincidentally, stars on a CW show. They have to wear crazy hats. Because acting is about crazy hats! Acting! They get two hours to memorize some dialogue, and then have to share the stage with none other than Efren "Pedro" Ramirez. There are no classic moments in the vein of "illsnesses," but, as usual, the acting challenge is always good for a laugh. Renee gets a challenge victory to go with her (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh) new at-ti-tude, and picks Dionne to share in the prize. And I mean, really, who is Renee going to pick after the girls all said they hated her? Six of one, you know? Renee and Dionne think that they have won t-shirts, but in fact their real prize comes later as they receive visits from their families, including their kids. This warms the cockles of practically everyone's heart, including mine, but it also has the effect of making Natasha miss her baby even more. Sad times seem even sadder when they are presented in broken English. The photo shoot for the week brings back girls from past seasons who engage in recreation of scandalous moments -- you know, "Bitch stole my granola bars," "Flesheating bacteria," "Hey, twins!" etc. Everything seems to be going well until Dionne has to get a little freaky in the back of a limo with Season 5's Kim. The words "fucking lesbo" come into play, and for a while I was afraid that the good will engendered by "Wholahay" would be lost entirely. However, Dionne eventually admits that she kind of dug it, and wins back some points. Her photo is also awesome, and she, Natasha, and Brittany pull ahead of the pack. It's a sad day for Whitney the unphotogenic and Jael the speech-impaired, however, as they land in the bottom two. In the end, the third (fourth? I've lost count...) time in the bottom two is the charm for Whitney, and she's finally sent home with only Brittany's discarded weave to dry her tears. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Jael was stupid enough to piss off 50 Cent, who threw her into a pool fully clothed, and Natasha was doubly stupid enough to jump in the pool of her own volition. The two of them had to meet with super-manager Benny Medina while they were sopping wet. Trust me when I say that B. Med was not having that. Renee finally came to the realization that everyone hated her, and Tyra had a little "Hating Renee Roundtable" in which everyone put forth their reasons why. And, in an elimination that will surprise no one, Sarah went home. Seven bitches remain!
We begin with the girls in their big-ass limo, heading home from the last elimination. Whitney says that she wouldn't have bet on being in the bottom two tonight. Whitney apparently never actually looks at her own pictures. Or listens to what the judges say. I mean, I like the girl a lot, but it's becoming clear that she can't really model. Whitney tells us that she's going into this week full throttle. And, just like the sequel to the Charlie's Angels remake, the results are bound to be disappointing.
Meanwhile, Renee is listening to a recording of her husband saying that he loves her, and that he and their baby, Troy, miss her very much. Renee says that he's trying to cheer her up, but that she's feeling really depressed. Maybe he should try to cheer her up by not being homeless for a change. She says that she's done things to offend the girls, but that is not her intent. And I mean, I hope this rehabilitation thing works and all, but Renee knows that she's a bitch. I think she should drop the whole "Oh I didn't mean to offend you by saying your face looks like an asscrack" line of defense and just own it. Anyway, Renee is going to try to be more sensitive.
Jaslene interviews that, ever since they had the talk with Tyra, things actually have changed. Oh God, they're still talking about Renee? We cut to the kitchen, where Renee asks Dionne if she's making hot cocoa. Dionne interviews that, at this point, it's hard to trust Renee or believe anything that she says. This apparently includes her recipe for hot cocoa, since Dionne walks away from the stove as soon as Renee starts stirring it. You know Renee was like, "One tablespoon of rat poison keeps that weird skin from forming on top!" We then cut to Jael, who says that Renee wrote her a letter saying that she's sorry for the ways she's treated Jael and all the other girls. Jael interviews that she knows Renee is an actress and can turn it on and off, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't genuine in her apology. Jael puts the letter on her wall, perhaps to the drawing of her in a straitjacket that Renee made the last time she went through personality rehab. Step 1 is Knowing You're A Bitch.
Meanwhile, Brittany is tapping her nasty-ass weave. It itches. Christian Marc, their hairstylist, comes over to take it out. The weirdest part of the whole thing is that Natasha practically molests him when he comes in the door. Down, Nata! Christian looks at Brittany's hair and mutters a French-tinged "damn." Whitney interviews that Brittany has been complaining and bitching and moaning all this time. She says that she's been wearing a hair weave since she was twelve years old, and that it's not that bad. Yeah, but white girls have no pain tolerance! That's why we're always crying when we break our nails. Christian finally gets it out and tosses it on the table, where it looks like particularly unappetizing roadkill. In any case, congrats, Brit-t-t-t!
The sun rises, and there is Tyra Mail. "Whatever you do, don't be yourself." Was this one addressed, "To Renee"? Someone guesses that they're going to be acting, and Whitney is thrilled. She interviews that acting is her forte, so she's going to show the judges and others that she's "a threat to this competition." The competition is shaking in its boots. It's not very good at acting. Brittany tells us that her head feels a million times better, and that she's not going to be in constant pain. It looks better, too. I mean, that weave was on the damaged rack at T.J. Maxx, you know? You might have gotten $5 off at checkout, but it wasn't worth it. Natasha says that she's enjoying being there, but that it's hard because she hasn't seen her "beh-beh" for so many weeks. We see Natasha on the phone with her baby, Angelina, and then get a picture. That is one cute-ass child, with the most gorgeous big blue eyes and little rosebud lips. Angelina says, "Meaaaaheaaaaiee! Maaaaaaiiiiiiiiheeeeee!" which means, "Don't believe Renee! It's all for show!" in baby Russian. Dionne is also having a hard time being away from her daughter, Ta'Kya. Didn't Ta'Kya sing the '80s hit "Heart And Soul"? Ta'Kya looks about two, and her photo shows that Dionne's patented "What the hay-ell?" look is hereditary.
The girls arrive at a huge, ornate theater lobby, where they are greeted by Tia Mowry of Sister, Sister, whom we saw at last week's party. You have to admit that these twins turned out a hell of a lot better than The Olsens. Tia is coincidentally on a CW show called The Game. If you haven't heard of it, it's because you're too busy watching The Search For The Pussycat Doll. Tia says that, as models, they're going to be doing photo shoots and commercials, and it's important that they be able to embody all sorts of characters. Tia is going to show them how to do this through voice and movement.
And, of course, through crazy hats! Tia tells the girls to act like and embody the characters that correspond with their hats. Natasha makes a really crone-y witch, and scares me with her evil cackle. Dionne has a hat that looks like it's from the south, so she says something about Alabama and fans herself. Whitney sexes it up in a leopard-print chapeau. She gets points from Tia for touching her lips and her body, which is what a sexy seductress does. I've actually had fingers surgically implanted onto my lips so that I can achieve this effect 24-7. Brittany has a jester's hat and does a somersault, landing in front of Tia. Tia commends her for not being afraid to be silly. Jael has a queen's crown on, and acts very regal. And then Renee has on a pioneer lady/Holly Hobby bonnet and gets all teary and slow-walking. Tia commends her, even though pioneer women were known to be fierce bitches who would cut you if you got under their wagon wheels. Jaslene has a big feathery drag queen mask on. She says she deserves to be America's Top Model, because these bitches are bleeeeeeeeeeeep. It's such a long bleep! I wish I knew what she said so I could use it in regular conversation.
Tia gives the girls a script, and tells them that they have two hours to memorize it. There are three different characters, and the girls have to give a different kind of emotion for each. The first one is a sensitive girl -- "a melodramatic Brittany type," according to Jael. Then there is a diva, and finally a perky, bubblicious model. The girls are all wearing hats and scarves, which either means that they are getting into character, or that the heat in the theater hasn't been turned on.
The girls head toward the stage. And who should walk out but...Efren Ramirez! Yes, that's right, Pedro, of "Vote For Pedro" fame. He looks a lot older than I thought he would be. When he first walked out, I would have sworn that it was Edward James Olmos. "Vote For Jaime Escalante" doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? The girls will have to do their scene with Efren, who will pick the challenge winner.
Brittany is first, and seems to really excel at the melodramatic bit. Then there's Dionne, who randomly speaks with a Jamaican accent. She says that she doesn't know where that came from, because she doesn't speak Jamaican. She is being serious. Renee seems super-dramatic and sad. Efren says that she started with a big bang and was fully committed. Renee says that the judges told her to step it up at the last Panel, so now's the time to show that she can do that. She then does her "diva model" bit, and at one point kind of gives me the willies with her crazy eye makeup and intense look. Natasha...is not going to win the challenge. Jaslene forgets her lines, and says that she felt really retarded. Whitney plays a perky model, and Efren says that her personality was great from the beginning to the end. Jael...is Jael. Overall, I have to say that this acting challenge was kind of disappointing, and not nearly as hilarious as the ones from past seasons. They didn't even try to make the girls cry! What's up with that?
Efren says that all of the girls were good, but one was fully connected in what she was doing. And it's Renee! Oh, good for her. She hasn't won anything yet, and I hear positive reinforcement is good for the rehabilitation. Renee gets to pick a friend to share in her prize. This is problematic, because she has no friends. She ends up going with Dionne, who is really surprised. Renee says that Dionne said she wasn't going to give her another chance, so I guess Renee is trying to win friends by buying them. Eh, whatever works. Dionne interviews that she knows Renee doesn't like her for real, but that she's trying to make a change, so Dionne is going to go with the flow. Jael says that Dionne is easily bought. Instead of going with the flow, Jael -- if her hair is any indication -- is apparently going with the Flowbee. Efren gives Renee and Dionne their prizes, which are...tiny t-shirts. One reads "Vote For Renee," and the other reads "Vote For Dionne." Dionne says, "...this is so cute," but her tone says, "Where are my diamonds, fool?" Whitney, whose wrist is worth $40,000, gloats.
The day, Jael makes fun of Renee's prize. Renee interviews that she's just grateful to have won a challenge, and that she's really excited about her t-shirt. Whitney says that Renee has been walking around and smiling, and has been taking major steps to become a better person. She's going to make a change for once in her life, you know? And I'll tell you, it's going to feel real good. It's gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right.
Meanwhile, there is a knock at the door. Jaslene and Brittany open it. Dionne comes walking out and drawls, "What the hay-elllll...." And then we hear screams. Oh, please let it be a scary man with an axe. Commercials.
When we return, we see lots of people with babies waiting outside of the door. It turns out that Renee and Dionne's real prize is having their families visit. Awwww! Renee confessionalizes that it was great to see her husband, Jason, and her baby, Troy, and that she was thrilled when her son remembered her. Her biggest fear was that he was going to forget her. Oh, that is so sad! Though maybe, in the long run, better for the child. Dionne says that, at first, her eyes went blank, and then she saw her mom (who is using a wheelchair), her sister, and her baby. And the first thing that came to her mind, she says, was, "What the fuck is wrong with my baby's hair?" HA! Dionne says that her sister has all boys, and doesn't know how to do hair, and thus fucked up Dionne's baby's hair. She was pissed but, she adds, she was glad to see them. I love the righteous anger of the plentiful barrettes.
We cut to Dionne's mom telling Jael that she's going to have to have a talk with Tyra, because Tyra's going to have to do something about older women in wheelchairs. Well, that seems kind of like a niche market, doesn't it? Dionne tells us that when she was six years old, her mom was shot by a guy who was jealous that she was getting married. She was trying to help the guy get off drugs, but then he shot her, and she's been paralyzed ever since. Holy moly. But, you know, this is what I love about Dionne. With any other contestant on this show, I feel like we would have heard constantly about how hard she's had it in life because her mom's in a wheelchair and she had a baby at nineteen and has to put herself through dental school, etc. But Dionne just takes it all in stride, does her job, and kicks ass. There's no self-pity and no excuses, even though it would stand to reason that she's had a tough time of it.
Renee has Troy walk down the runway in their house. She says that Ms. J. would have his head on a platter for that walk. For real, the kid walks like he has no knees. Renee interviews that Troy is the light of her life, and gives a heartfelt thanks to Tyra for this prize. She must also be happy that her husband got to see a real live house, where people who aren't maybe-homeless live. I am glad that two of the girls with kids got the family visit, and not only because I like to see other people's babies and think how my theoretical babies are going to kick their ass in the cuteness department. Meanwhile, Dionne is redoing her daughter's hair. Poor Ta'Kya looks like either Kid or Play. I'm sure that's not how she wanted her feature television debut to end up. Once Dionne puts in a couple of braids it looks better, though. Dionne says that seeing her daughter has made her feel better, and given her inspiration.
However, there is a flip side to all this joy. Natasha watches Renee hold Troy, and says that when she sees a mother and child, she starts to cry. She interviews that she was really happy for Renee and Dionne, but at the same time, she was missing her baby. She understood that they got to see their kids because of the challenge win, but at the same time, she couldn't deal with her emotions. She calls Stuart and bawls. She says that she thought she would see Angelina too, so when the folks showed up at the door, she went running out looking for her baby. Oh, that is pretty sad. Stuart is just like, "Uh...sorry." When you order something from a catalogue and then it turns up at your door and starts to have feelings, it can be pretty tough to deal with, I guess. Dionne tells us that the hardest thing was saying goodbye to her baby, but that she's there to do a job and win the competition, so she just has to get over it. Renee kisses Jason and Troy goodbye while wearing yet another headscarf. She tells us that this was the happiest day of her life. Even happier than the day everyone told you how much and exactly why you suck? I have a hard time believing that!
The day there is Tyra Mail. "Are you ready to be spooked by the ghosts of the past?" No one knows what this means. Meanwhile, Natasha looks like hell. She says that she hasn't slept all night because she was thinking about her baby. She thinks the whole day is going to be bad. Ruh roh!
The girls head to L.A.'s famous Miauhaus, where they meet Mr. Jay. He points out the fact that Natasha's not smiling, and that the competition is getting tough. Jay notes that, this week, they learned all about acting and embodying a character, so it stood to reason that, for this photo shoot, they should reenact infamous characters from past seasons of ANTM. While doing so, they'll also be modeling Payless shoes and accessories. Which, I guess, are the only shoes and accessories that infamous characters from past seasons of ANTM can afford. The photographer for the day is Matthew Jordan Smith, who has done photo shoots in past seasons, as well as several photos of Tyra.
The girls head to hair and makeup, and then a pretty-looking Jaslene goes first. She will be playing Bre, who had her granola bars stolen. Jay asks Jaslene how she's going to play it, and then...surprise! Out comes Bre! Jaslene tells us that it's like a whole Top Model reunion. Bre tells us that, a long, long time ago, she had a box of granola bars. And then, drama ensued. I have to say that Bre looks pretty good, and like less of a crazy bitch. Jaslene sits on a big, oversized box of "Yummy Healthy" granola bars, and confirms that she should still be rocking the Payless shoes. Matthew tells her that she should be rocking everything. They start the shoot, and Jaslene is giving a hilarious super-fierce face. Jay says that every once in a while, she went too over the top, and was a little too drag. Well, that's a surprise! Jaslene really has no interaction with Bre, either.
Backstage, Sutan is shocked that Dionne has a two-year-old. Meanwhile, Natasha talks to Christian, and says that she guesses that somebody decided that she didn't miss her baby as much as other girls missed their babies, and so they just "skipped on" her. But did they skip on the lou? Because that sounds like it would cheer everybody up. Natasha interviews that when she feels something, it shows all over her face. She says that she just can't do the photo shoot, and then we head to commercials. Oh, that is such a fake-out. Give us some credit after all these years, Top Model!
When we return to Miauhaus, Natasha looks like hell. She says that she is very upset. Jay approaches her at the coffee table, and tells her that it's a competition, and some girls will have prize wins while others won't. In other words, buck up, Pinko Commie. Natasha tells him that her heart hurts. Jay hopes that Natasha can put her feelings aside, because as a model, you have to be able to work in a professional environment. Jay, of course, points to Tyra, paragon of saintliness, who has to travel all across the world and be away from her family. Yeah, but we've met her family, and Mama Banks seems nowhere near as wee and cute as little Angelina. Jay tells Natasha that it's not going to get easier. Natasha interviews that the day is tough for her, but that she's going to soldier forth in the competition and not just "stop on the half way."
Quite awesomely, Natasha's shoot has her re-enacting the time when everyone thought Michelle had flesh-eating bacteria. Oh, those truly were the scabby, good old days! Michelle enters, and she also looks good, even though all of her post-show activity would now indicate that she has an incurable case of the cooties. Natasha is irrationally excited to see her. She hardly says a word, though. Natasha rocks all the red dots on her face. At one point, she is lounging all over Michelle's lap, which Michelle enjoys. Jay says that he's proud of what Natasha brought to the set today in terms of energy. At the beginning of the day, she was visibly upset, but she worked like a professional model. Jay gives her a big hug, and Natasha forgets all about the little brat at home.
Whitney is , and is dressed only in a white, fluffy towel. She says that she knows her pictures aren't as strong as those of the other girls, but she can't get hung up on that. She's going to get in there, try not to overanalyze it, and have fun. We see the clip of Whitney's infamous incident, and she cracks up when she gets a look at a black-haired Mr. Jay. He tells her to shut up. In the clip, he's telling the girls that they have to pose nude, which leads to Robin telling Shannon, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Oh, see, I would have gone for "Hooooow...Ex! Cellent!" and the prayer circle. That was some good shit. In any case, Shannon, who refused to pose nude, comes out. Her teeth have not shrunk one bit over the years! I am really sad that it's not Robin, because I think a shot of that kind of crazy amidst the Top Model Cycle 8 girls could wield some fantastic results. Jay tells Whitney to give more than her usual 80%. Matthew tells her to change her expression once in a while, before interviewing that Whitters needs some more time in the mirror.
, it's Jael's turn. She tells Sutan that she realizes she'd better shape up if she wants to stick around. Her infamous moment is Rebecca fainting. Oh, that was a good one. I'm enjoying this trip down memory lane! Rebecca comes out wearing a really ugly shirt. It's so loud that I can't tell if she's looking good or not. Anyway, in the shot, Jael is the one who's fainted and Rebecca is helping her. Jay has to tell Jael not to make it too sexy. He interviews that she didn't analyze herself, and thus went all over the place. Hmm, that doesn't seem like part of a greater pattern for Jael. She was grabbing at Rebecca, and Jay says that they almost looked like lovers, which was NOT the intent for the scene. Overall, it doesn't seem like Jael's best performance.
Brittany is up . Her infamous moment is "Hey, there were twins on the show." The twins come out. Oh, yay! They are in long tube dresses that aren't particularly flattering, but in general they look exactly the same. I've lost my ability to tell them apart, sadly. Brittany poses in the middle of the two of them and kills it, as usual. Michelle and Amanda interview that she is their sister from another mister. In the makeup room, they tell her that the judges love a positive attitude, and that she shouldn't second-guess herself -- just go for it. Jael, meanwhile, asks Shannon if she's done a lot of work. And Shannon actually has! Good for her.
In the makeup room, Natasha and Dionne coach Renee on how to be Joanie getting her veneers. Okay, that is a moment that I had no interest in reliving. I always point to this episode as a cautionary tale when I hear anyone expressing a desire to get veneers. That shit is nasty, man. Joanie comes out, and she is to play the dentist to Renee's dental patient. Ha! Dental patient. Just one letter from the truth. Jay says that Joanie almost stole the show, when it was really Renee who needed to pop in these shots. Renee tells Jay that the judges told her to ugly it up, and he replies, "Trust me, your shots are not pretty." Oh, SNAP!
And then there's Dionne. She interviews that she has to portray Sarah kissing Kim in the limo. Oh, remember the season of rampant lesbianism? That was a good time, too! Or at least, it was to some people. In the words of Dionne, "And I'm like, 'Hold up. I'm not no fucking lesbo.'" And see, this is where I thought Dionne and I might start to have some problems. Dionne tells Jay that she thinks she's going to have problems with this one. He asks why, and she says that Kim was really boyish and dorky-like. On cue, Kim walks out. She takes being called boyish and dorky-like all in stride, which is really a lesson to lesbians everywhere. Dionne is all, "Hi, nice to meet you," and shakes Kim's hand. Kim says that she's going to have to get a lot closer than that, and Dionne gives her a hug. She then interviews that a hug is okay, but that she's not down with "that kissing shit." She says that she doesn't even kiss her own damn boyfriend. How convenient that a stork delivered Ta'Kya so she would never have to!
Dionne and Kim get into a limo. Dionne says that it's crazy and uncomfortable. Jay tells her that he's asking her to play a character, and he's not actually asking her to kiss Kim. He interviews that this is when his job gets really difficult, because Dionne clearly wasn't comfortable portraying a lesbian. But then, things get a little steamy. Kim and Dionne have their faces close together, and at one point, Kim puts her hand on Dionne's thigh. Dionne then puts a hand on Kim's back, and has to stop because she's giggling. Jay asks why she's giggling, and she says, "'Cause I'm actually enjoying this." Kim needs to take a tour of the Bible belt before the election, man. Her powers are unbelievable. And, I mean, she does look hot. Dionne interviews that she has no idea why she's so excited to be that close to a woman. It's called breaking the chains of cultural repression, fool. Dionne interviews that it was cool and she enjoyed it. So, quite happily, Dionne and I are back on good terms, and will soon be summering on Fire Island. We'll sail there on our boat, the Whola-gay.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. A bitch is going home. Whitney says that she's been in the bottom two for two weeks in a row, and though she made it through, the pressure is on big-time. Jaslene, Whitney, and Jael sit by the pool, and Jaslene says that, at this point, there's no excuse for not being on top of your game. Jael says that it would be dope if they were the last three. It would also be dope if I were spooning a unicorn right now; however, it seems similarly unlikely. Jael says that she doesn't think the judges get her, because she's complicated and wild and crazy and free. I think it's less that than the fact that she's completely unintelligible, but maybe we should give her the benefit of the doubt. Jaslene says that she doesn't want to be one of the girls who started so strong but then fell. Well, she already is, so too bad. And with that, we head to commercials.
We return to Panel. Unfortunately, there is not a corresponding photo of perhaps the greatest and most scandalous ANTM moment of all time -- Tyra screaming at Tiffany. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR THAT MOMENT! Tyra, meanwhile, looks like she should be behind a glass booth in Coney Island, spitting out a small card with your fortune on it when you feed her fifty cents. Is she becoming a Scientologist or something? In any case, there are prizes; there are judges. Matthew Jordan Smith is the guest judge.
Tyra shares the premise of the shoot. She says that the photos have a comic-book style this week because, as we know, Top Model can be comical at times. Those times being from 8-9 PM EST on Wednesday nights. I mean, is she for real?
Whitney is up first. Nigel says that, as theatrical as Whitney is, he doesn't see her passion in the picture. Twiggy agrees. Matthew says that when she walked out in front of the judges, she showed passion and energy, but that he didn't see that during the shoot at all. Tyra asks Whitney why she thinks she loses it on set, and Whitney says that she thought she brought energy to the photos, and that it's too bad that it didn't come across. Tyra says that Whitney did a good job with her expression, but just didn't look like a model. Ho hum.
up is Brittany. Twiggy thinks her photo is great. Nigel says that she looks gorgeous in between Michelle and Amanda, both of whom photograph extremely well. For Brittany to stand out is impressive. Tyra says that one of the reasons the twins stuck around so long is that they have an awkwardness that works in the fashion world. Brittany posed to match that awkwardness. Yeah, because she isn't normally awkward in the slightest.
Then there is Jaslene. Nigel says that she has to soften up her body. Tyra says that she doesn't think Jaslene is getting stronger in her pictures -- instead, she's getting weaker. Her photos went from being too draggy to being boring, and that it was like she couldn't find her footing. Well she was wearing Payless shoes. What do you expect?
is Natasha. Twiggy says that she looks extraordinary, especially for having horrendous blemishes all over her. Nigel thinks that she's beginning to learn how to model, and that it's showing in her pictures. Tyra says that Natasha gets a note, and makes corrections accordingly. She's been relaxing her mouth according to Tyra's instructions, and it's made a big difference in her photos. Matthew commends Natasha for turning it on even when she was feeling down.
up is Dionne. She admits that she was scared for the shoot, because she's never kissed a girl before. She says that she only puts her lips on men, and that she was uncomfortable. Ms. J. says that she was scared because she knew she would like it. Dionne is all, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" even though she admitted the very same thing earlier. Twiggy thinks that her photo is fabulous, especially since she was uncomfortable. Matthew says that Dionne was his favorite girl of the day. Well, yeah, she was getting all handsy with another girl. What's not to like?
Jael is , and Tyra says she doesn't look faint-y enough. Instead, she looks like she's posing. Nigel says that Jael is naturally kind of robotic, and that she needs to loosen up. Jael goes into a long, nonsensical explanation about the direction Jay was giving her, and Twiggy actually looks down the judging panel and kind of smirks. Twiggy can't wait to get Jael the hell out of there.
Finally, there is Renee. She looks INSANE. She's wearing this unflattering brown baby doll dress with cowboy boots and huge hair. Twiggy says that, in her photo, Renee looks like she's in pain, but is still pretty. Renee notes that at Panel last time, they told her to ugly it up a little. Tyra tells her to not make it quite so ugly. Tough talk from someone who was born in the wagon of a traveling show. Nigel says that Renee's hair and makeup is too much and makes her look older. Twiggy agrees that her hair is too poufy.
The judges deliberate. Dionne is "jumping up leaps and bounds," according to Twiggy. Nigel thinks she looks amazing to a man or a woman, which is the secret of being a model. Matthew thinks she's amazing, too. Twiggy loves Renee and thinks she has something rather special. Ms. J. says the only problem he has with her is that it doesn't take much to make her look older. Whitney has a great personality and is a clever girl, according to Twiggy, but she's just not a model. Tyra says that she's one of those girls who is beautiful in person, but loses it in front of a camera. Matthew says that Jaslene is pure drag. Twiggy says that Jael makes her crazy when she opens her mouth, and Ms. J. does an impression. Twiggy doesn't think she could get through a casting unless she didn't have to speak. Matthew says that she is a little robotic, but that there's something about her. Nigel is impressed with how Natasha has progressed. Twiggy thinks that she's gorgeous, sexy, and very special. Ms. J. thinks that her presence is a bit packaged. Brittany stands out, according to Nigel, which is the kind of quality a top model has.
The girls return. One-seventh of them is going home. But you know who's not? Dionne! She's called first, followed by Natasha, Brittany, Renee, and Jaslene. This, of course, leaves Jael and Whitney in the bottom two. Each of them has what the other needs. Whitney needs to shine in pictures, not just in person. And Jael needs to learn to talk good so she can go on Tyra's daytime show and eloquently express her sob story. And so, Jael gets a picture. Tyra asks her to say something profound and clear and eloquent so that the judges behind her can see that she's not a moron. And Jael says, "I will definitely prove myself to be all that you believe I am." She is such a goner.
Whitney packs her stuff. She says that she didn't think she was going to be eliminated. She's disappointed that she's not going to be America's Top Model, but that it's becoming evident to her that modeling might not be the avenue that she needs to go down. Well, she can't say that she didn't learn anything on the show.
week: the girls learn some interview skills, and have to pack their bags, y'all, because they're going somewhere.