In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Boys! The girls go out with one of the male models from last week, and his friends. Sadly, there is no "You had SEX?!?!," but there is some smooching between Caridee and a Spaniard. Tyra talks to the girls about the harsh criticism they've gotten from the judges, and gives them a pep talk in which she says that, much like Christ Our Savior, she's going to sacrifice herself for them. I don't know what that means, except that Tyra's Oprah-like God Complex is growing. Hey, if Jesus were alive today, he'd totally have a talk show. And pose as part of Chingy's entourage. In other news, it's time for go-sees! As in other seasons, there is a strict time limit and some general confusion in getting from place to place. Eugena and Caridee team up with good results, whereas Amanda and Michelle team up and have no clue what they're doing. They are also late, and thus are disqualified from the challenge. Melrose remains alone, but denies that one is the loneliest number, while also proving herself frustratingly competent once again. She wins the challenge. And then it is time for someone to get maimed. Hooray! The girls have a photo shoot with a real live bull, in which they will be shot by Nigel. Caridee starts the day off well by asking Nigel if a stick he is holding was removed from his ass after the last judging. She apologizes, but he still seems pretty mad. At Panel, the girls have to tell the judges who they think has the most and least potential. Michelle breaks down and confesses that she might be the one with the least potential, in part because she doesn't know what she wants. Caridee reads a letter of thanks to the judges, which does not erase the memory of her bullish blunder. In the end, however, it comes down to Amanda and Michelle. I know! Cruelty. And then, quite sadly, it is Miss Michelle who goes home, because she doesn't want it, feel it, breathe it, or love it as much as her sister does. And in the end, she actually looks quite relieved about the whole thing. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: ACTING! Michelle still didn't know what she wanted, and the girls packed their bags for a trip to Spain. They had to speak in Catalan, and sucked universally. Well, except for Melrose. And it pains me to report that. Jaeda especially sucked, however, and got sent back to the good old U.S.A., where people are more accepting of very high levels of testosterone and man-jaws.
We are still in Barcelona, where the streets are paved with racist male models. Caridee paces in the girls' beautiful apartment. She interviews that a part of her thought she was going home last week when she was in the bottom two, but that there was a stronger part of her that was saying that it wasn't her time to go. That is the part known as Carideenial. Caridee asks Michelle how many times she's been in the bottom two. The answer is twice. Caridee says, "Yikes," which is what I say as well. Michelle interviews that this is a really big learning experience for her. She doesn't know what she wants in life -- maybe it's modeling and maybe it's not. See, that is what I call a healthy outlook. ["If I wanted healthy, I would go to Whole Foods. I come to Top Model to see skinny bitches demented with unrealistic ambitions!"-- Wing Chun] Caridee says that she really wants this, and doesn't know what else she wants in life. I might suggest some sort of medication. I mean, it's all brain chemicals. There's no shame. We get yet another flashback to Caridee's stint in the bottom two. Was it really so dramatic that we need two flashbacks in the opening segment? She says that it felt good to get a photo, because she has worked her ass off in this competition. But not literally, which is a good thing, since Caridee's ass is one of the more endearing things about her.
It is then another day, or another time of the day. Who knows. Caridee says that she wants to get out of the house, and Melrose suggests that they call Luca. He lives on the second floor, you know. I think you've seen him before. Eugena explains that they called up the guys from the photo shoot. Minus the racist fuck, I would imagine. Melrose gets Luca on the phone and asks if he wants to accompany them to dinner. He replies, "Sure. Just don't ask me what it was!" Melrose interviews that, when she goes to a foreign country, she likes to have a nice dinner out and a glass of wine, or four. See, I totally thought she was going to say that she liked to experience the local flavor with some natives. And all she wants to do is eat and get wasted. Eh, I'm kind of down with that too, though. Melrose asks Luca to bring some friends, and ends the conversation with "Goodbye, sexy." He replies, "I walked into the door again."
And then the girls are out at dinner with Luca and friends. The boys say, "Kisses for everyone." Players! Amanda interviews that Spanish and American guys are very similar. They both have the same jokes and stuff, but Spanish guys smell better. Ha! But man, when Europeans smell better than you, you know that you're in trouble as a nation. Melrose toasts to new friends, new places, and new experiences. Someone's getting a little back-door loving tonight! Speaking of, Caridee asks, "Are you guys gonna come hang out with us after this?" What, Dennis Quaid wasn't enough for her? How much more man does she need? How much more man can she handle? Luca replies, "Yeah. Good time." Ha! Foreigners are funny. Amanda says that what happens in Spain stays in Spain. Um, yeah, unless it's being filmed and televised on a low-rent station three months later. Caridee is all, "Ha ha! Yeah! I'm dumb, too!"
The group heads home. Michelle tells us that Caridee and male model Victor "went out to have a chat." She says that she wants to know how their conversation went, because Victor speaks absolutely no English. Here, let me translate how it went for you: "Smack, smack, lick, lick, grope, slither, smack." Eugena says that Caridee is all over the place, and doesn't know how to stop. For real, put it away, girl. Caridee interviews that it's not about the competition right now. It's just about having fun and being in Spain and having amazing experiences. We see Caridee escorting Victor out the door at the apartment. They totally did it, as evidenced by the fact that Caridee is wearing an entirely different shirt than when she and Victor went out for their "chat" at the restaurant, and it's tucked into her bra. The hell? At least have some remorse and drunkenly call your boyfriend and let him call you a stupid bitch. That's the civilized thing to do. As a viewer of this show, I feel cheated. And really, Caridee's boyfriend sounded so nice when she talked to him last week. Poor guy.
And then, just as soon as they began, the slutscapades are over and the girls have a little tête-à-tête with Tyra, who wants to talk to them about the harsh realities of the modeling industry. Tyra says that it's one of the more difficult industries to be in, because you can't improve on your product. She says that if you're an actor, you can go to an acting coach and get better; if you're a singer, you can go to a singing coach and get better. But in the world of modeling, sometimes people just plain don't like your look, and then you're S.O.L., as my mother likes to say. Tyra wants to talk to the girls about what ANTM is. It's "that coach," to get the girls as strong as they can be and get them into the modeling industry. Is she serious with this? Does she think that we don't see the conspicuous absence of ANTM winners on runways and magazine covers all over the world?
Anyway, Tyra asks the girls to talk about critique, and to identify the harshest thing they have each heard about themselves in the judging room. Michelle says that hearing that she looked like a four-year-old walking in her mothers' heels was harsh. But true. Truer than true, in fact. Caridee says that last week was a big blow for her, and we flash back to Nigel saying that she looked like a crazy drunkard in her commercial. But again...kind of true. I mean, she looks a little like a crazy drunkard right now. She says that she wants to represent ANTM and the judges in a respectful and good way. Representing the show in a good way starts with banging the extras, apparently. Melrose says that hearing at the first panel that she photographs old was like a dagger. Again, a dagger of truth. I think that what these girls have a hard time with is people being honest. Eugena says that she's used to getting ripped to shreds by panel and is a little immune to it, but that hearing she was a disappointment to Tyra was hard. She says quite eloquently that you don't want to be a disappointment. Tyra picked the girls and had such high hopes for them, and to get there and feel like she was throwing it away made Eugena feel disappointed in herself. I love Eugena. Her skin is terrible, and she was really annoying at the beginning of the season, but she is secretly awesome. ["She is secretly a master strategist, too. All of that was exactly what Tyra always wants to hear." -- Wing Chun] Amanda says that Mr. Jay said that he wasn't sure if she should be in the competition anymore, and that was really harsh. Amanda doesn't have such a way with words.
Tyra tells the girls that, after this competition she wants them to be strong enough to lift their heads up high and be able to handle everything and anything that comes their way. She wants them to speak well, look great, be intelligent (GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE) and know this industry. And if Tyra has to say things that make the girls hate her, and if their fans hate her (NEWSFLASH, EINSTEIN: THEY ALREADY DO), so be it. Tyra's going to sacrifice herself for them. Wow, that's really noble. Tyra does well at sacrificing herself for people, like her staff, for instance. Tyra tells the girls that she's going to be harsh and strong in judging, but that it's coming from a place of love, and a place of "mama." Oh, the place of mama. I know it well. Tyra then says -- and this I have to quote directly right now -- "And the one thing that's important to know is that when you're getting coached and trained with something, it's the worst feeling in the world. And you reject it. You're like, 'Ugh.' But then when you're in the jungle, and the things are happening that that coach said, you're like, 'DAMN! Oh my gosh, it's coming true!' One day it's gonna hit you and you'll be like, 'Dang, Tyra said that.' All right, so I'll see you guys later, okay?" In the jungle? Seriously? That woman is a straight fool.
Tyra Mail! "Only the Elite will continue on in the competition. Get ready to See who will Go and who will stay." Oooh, the capital letters provide a clue! I wonder what it all means.
Well, of course it means that the girls are going on go-sees. They first meet Pancho Saula, Director of Elite Barcelona. He has assembled ten designers to see the girls. The designers will evaluate the girls on their appearance, runway walk, personality, and portfolios. If the girls see more designers, they'll have more chances to land a job. Pancho says that Spaniards love girls who smile and have a lot of energy. Each girl gets her portfolio and a map of Barcelona, and Pancho tells them that they have to be back to the agency by 6:00 PM. Melrose astutely notes that this is the most important rule.
Once outside, some are alliances formed. Caridee notes that, given that the map was in Spanish and the whole situation was a little stressful, she had a feeling that she was in for a tough time. Eugena says that she was planning on going by herself, but that she didn't want to get lost, and then Caridee wanted to team up. So those two go off together. And then the twins just sort of naturally teamed up. You would expect that. Melrose says her strategy was to go by herself, and have a great day of getting away from the other hos.
And the strategy seems like a good one, as we see that Melrose is the first to meet a designer. She tells designer Julia Cher at Sita Murt that she went to school for fashion design. She went to school for that shit? Is there an organization that does university decreditation? Melrose does an okay job.
Eugena gets a go-see under her belt at Roberto Verino. Manager Susana Castano says that Eugena has some possibilities in the modeling profession.
Caridee dashes into Sita Murt. She says that she's going for quality and impressing the designers, and is just being herself. Julia Cher immediately tells Caridee to take off her necklace, and notes to us that it's a bad idea to wear any kind of jewelry on a go-see, because models should be blank canvases.
Meanwhile, Amanda and Michelle have no clue what they're doing.
Melrose gets in another go-see with designer Jorge Paulo de Oliviera Terra. I love how Spanish people have so many names. She also tells him that she went to school for fashion design, and her schmoozing seems to have worked as he says that she has a nice personality.
Caridee and Eugena then go to a go-see together. Cari interviews that she hopes she impresses the Spanish designers. She is being herself, and being herself can either get her far, or she can put her foot in her mouth. She jokes with a designer by asking if she gets to keep the outfit she's wearing. Eugena looks on with a scowl.
Meanwhile, Melrose gets her third go-see with designer Victoriano Simon.
Designer Julie Sohn loved Eugena and says she looks good, but that she's a bit serious.
And meanwhile, the twins still haven't made it to their first go-see. As they struggle to read their map...
...Melrose sits all evil-like in a cab. She says that she didn't need a little counterpart buddy, and that she'd better win, because she worked her ass off today. Oh, shut up. Commercials.
When we return, the twins finally seem to be stumbling upon something.
Melrose interviews that she was trying to get to as many go-sees as possible, because that clearly improves your chances of winning.
Amanda and Michelle can't figure out what street signs look like in Barcelona. Amanda interviews that she's bad at directions, and can't even get around Anaheim, where she's lived all her life. The twins finally get to designer Julie Sohn. It took an hour for them to get there, and then they're putting on makeup outside. Amanda says that she feels a little competition with her sister because they look the same, but that she still wants Michelle to do "good" [sic]. Michelle goes first. She interviews that she's always been a tomboy and has never had a dream of being a model. She says, "I want it, but I don't know if I have it." O...kay. As Julie Sohn notes, Michelle walks like shit. Seriously, that girl is awkward in heels. Julie Sohn says that she might use her for catalogue, but not for runway.
Caridee and Eugena are still trucking. They go to designer Minerva Ruiz. Caridee says that she thinks she did "good" [sic]. If I made a donation to Bankable Productions, do you think they could get an on-set tutor to teach these girls the difference between "well" and "good"? Caridee says that she walked about a million times, and looked like a killer tomato in her weird red jumpsuit, but that it was fun.
Melrose gets to designer Roberto Verino, which is her fourth go-see. She says that the best part of her strategy for this challenge was to go without a partner, because when it all comes down to it, each of them is in this on her own.
With only an hour left, the twins have to split up. Amanda goes in to see designer Julie Sohn, who says that she's amazed how different the twins are, and notes that Amanda is much better than her sister. Oooh, burn.
Eugena walks for Minerva Ruiz, who scowls.
Melrose gets to yet another go-see. That makes five. Michelle runs into her, and is startled at that stat. Melrose notes that the twins are on her ass now, and that she has to go.
Eugena says that she just doesn't want Melrose to win, because Melrose is really fake, doesn't like the other girls, and thinks she's better than everybody. Eugena and Caridee get a cab back to the agency.
Michelle was rushing at her second and last go-see, and says that she sucked. Sure, blame it on the time. Blame it on the rain, while you're at it, or on the stars that shine at night. Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you.
Caridee and Eugena make it back to the agency at the same time as Melrose -- that is before 6:00 -- but the twins are not there. Michelle gets in at about 6:10 and is disqualified. She seems to take it all in stride as she leaves. Then there is Amanda, who gets there at about 6:30 and is all teary. Amanda interviews that things just started off wrong for them, and that the whole situation was just too much. Then the twins are sitting in a stairway and Michelle is crying. The hormones, they are running amok.
Pancho gives the girls their critiques. Melrose was the most friendly, but her runway walk was inconsistent, and she has to practice more in front of the mirror. And also take off her stupid beret. With a little practice, the designers thought that Caridee could walk the haute couture runways. However, she has to work on her natural look -- that is, chisel off that makeup, bitch. The designers loved Eugena's look, but she has to work more on her personality. And the model who impressed the designers most is...Melrose. Of course. Melrose gloats and claps for herself. She chooses Caridee to share in her prize, which is a night of being treated like a supermodel. This includes having a personal chef for the night's dinner. This means Eugena will have to enjoy a glass of Sour Grapes Shiraz on her own, while interviewing that she doesn't really care that Melrose won the challenge.
Back at the apartment, the personal chefs cook for Melrose and Caridee as Eugena hovers. Eugena says that she could smell a really gross, fishy odor -- which one might infer comes from the fish the chefs are cooking -- so she's glad she didn't eat anything off of the gourmet menu. Sour Grapes Shriaz: goes well with a plate of hot, steaming bitterness. ["Heh, that would have been me. Unless it comes in a can, later to be mashed up with relish and Miracle Whip, or battered with a side of chips, fish is not for me." -- Wing Chun] Melrose and Caridee toast to being blonde, sexy, and young. Caridee says that she doesn't want to go back to Fargo. Neither do I, and I've never even been to Fargo.
Tyra Mail! "Don't let the photographer bully you." Everyone is all atwitter at the prospect of riding bulls, or going into the bull ring. Eugena says she hopes that it's a mechanical bull. ["Well, that is what Spain is known for." -- Wing Chun] She doesn't have a problem with bulls, as long as they are fake. Well, Eugena is in for a bit of a problem, then...
...as the girls walk into a for-real bull ring. Caridee interviews that they walked into the Coliseum, and she knew they were going to do something with a bull, because it's Barcelona, and you have to have a bull. She said it would be like going to New York and...eating cheesecake. Or going to North Dakota and having a lobotomy.
Mr. Jay walks out in full matador costume to meet the girls. Eugena interviews that Mr. Jay doesn't look like a matador at all: "He looks like..." Then she pauses before saying, "Mr. Jay in a matador costume." At first, I thought that this remark meant that Eugena is really just not that clever, but now I kind of think that she just realized that it was not politically savvy to say "a big Eurotrash flamer twirling around to 'Dancing Queen' at the Cock and Bull discotheque." Meanwhile, Jay is so orange that I think he has transitioned into burnt sienna. He tells the girls that they are in one of the last remaining active bullfighting arenas, and so it's the perfect setting for their shoot. He adds that they're going to be shooting with a really big bully. And it is...Mr. Nigel Barker, who engages in a little impromptu Wild West standoff with Mr. Jay. It is so dumb that it's not even funny. Caridee says she's glad that Nigel is going to be their photographer, but that it also makes her nervous because he's a judge and has a lot of say, and she wants to impress him. We will see how Caridee deals with her nerves and desire to impress people momentarily. Hint: it involves saying stupid things!
Mr. Jay then tells the girls that they'll actually be shooting with a bull. And then, out comes the bull. That bull has horns, man. The girls and Jay go running for cover as an actual matador does his thing. Melrose says that she got scared, because she realized this thing could kill her. Say a silent prayer for that to happen as we head to commercials.
Meanwhile, Dani(elle) is still droning on that she was an extra in a Cover Girl commercial featuring Queen Latifah. Get some new material! She does look gorgeous, though.
When we return, the bull has not killed Melrose. Aw, man. I was looking forward to a good, old-fashioned maiming at the very least. The girls watch the matador work with the bull and are nervous. Even more nerve-wracking, says Melrose, is the prospect of working with Nigel. Nigel and the girls watch the matador in action; Nigel is holding a large stick of some sort. Caridee leans over to him and says, and I quote, "Did you just remove that from your ass from the last panel?" Ooooooooh! And see, for a second I thought, oh that's kind of funny, but then I put the relationships in perspective, and I could not imagine saying that to, like, my boss, or to a professor or something. Melrose says that she couldn't believe that Caridee said that, even though she totally gave a big smiley "Ooooooooooh!" as it occurs. Nigel walks off looking mad. Jay says that Caridee messed up, and that Tyra is looking for a girl who can work in this business and be respectful.
The girls get made up. While Nigel is inside prepping, Jay calls the girls together outside to discuss Caridee's remark. He tells the girls that that is not the kind of comment you make to a judge or a photographer, because those are both people who could hire you in the future. He tells the girls they need to realize that they have to give Nigel respect. Not only is he shooting them in a very difficult and dangerous situation, but he is there to decide their fates as models, so sock it to him, sock it to him, sock it to him, sock it to him. Caridee looks sullen, and notes to the other girls that she was totally joking. She asks if it was wrong to say that. Caridee interviews that she didn't mean to be mean -- that's just her humor -- but once it was brought to her attention, it made her think twice. She says that she didn't want to upset a judge, and that if she could take it back, she would. In Makeup, Caridee tells Melrose that Nigel doesn't like her. Melrose says, "Dude, I mean, you told him to pull the thing out of his ass." Touché, Melissa Rose. I will admit that she has her moments. Melrose interviews that it's better to have Nigel on your side than against you.
Amanda stretches out, saying that she didn't do well at the challenge and that the week has been shaky overall, so she's nervous. Jay tells her that if the bull handlers yell, "Run," it's not meant to panic her. Ummmm...okay. It's just meant to make her go behind the wall. Because otherwise, the bull will impale her. That's just cause for panic, I think. Amanda looks scared. This conversation conveniently takes place right in front of an ambulance. In Spain, ambulances are white, blue, and orange. We know this because the camera lingers lovingly on the ambulance, and fills my head with visions of sugar plums Melrose on a stretcher. Christmas is coming early!
Meanwhile, there is a bull, and there is Nigel. Eugena is the first to go and be photographed. She says that if a bull comes at her, she's running. That's sensible. Eugena holds the Nigel ass-stick. Jay tells her to use it like it's a matador's cape. Nigel tells Eugena that this is her moment, so she shouldn't freeze up on him now. And then, Eugena is a total rock star. She's just really graceful and has some great poses. Nigel says that this is the first time he's seen a real model in Eugena. Jay say that Eugena used her fear, which shows that she's a professional model. Well, I don't know if I'd go that far.
Amanda is , and is more scared of working with Nigel than she is the bull, because Nigel has more influence over her life. The bull totally charges at Amanda and she has to run. Okay, that's pretty scary. Amanda kind of sucks. Nigel says that she was awkward, and that it seemed like one part of her body was modeling and the other wasn't. Michelle tries to get some info from Amanda about why she did so badly, but Amanda just gets really annoyed and snaps at her. Shut up, poor loser twin.
Michelle goes , and Nigel gets down on the ground for the shoot. He says that he was inspired by Michelle because she used the fear and modeled. Nigel tells her that he has twenty frames left, and that he wants to see her really go for it. Michelle interviews that she was upset at Nigel and Jay going into this, because her sister got a really bad critique. Thus, she decided to go for it, and make her sister look even worse. Well done, twin! Jay says that Michelle sold him in the last twenty frames by doing things that came much more naturally to her. Therefore, she looked like a model. And a little like she should be working at Chick-Fil-A at the mall food court. I go back and forth on the twins sometimes.
And then there is Melrose. Jay says that she was so worried about impressing Nigel and impressing him that she wasn't thinking or engaging in the shoot at all. She was just giving them poses. Nigel says that Melrose wasn't the star of the shoot. At this point in the competition, all of the other girls are rising. In other words, Melrose has to watch her back. Well, good.
And then there's Caridee, who is wearing some short-ass hot pants. She interviews that she really wanted to do well for Nigel. She starts posing, and Jay tells her that it looks too pin-up girl-slash-porno star. She also has a big pimple on her ass. What's up with that? Nigel says that Caridee was too over-the-top.
After the shoot, Caridee comes up to Nigel and says that she's sorry if she offended him, and that she was totally joking. Nigel says that, joke or no joke, in the reality of the world, she has to be careful. She knows him but doesn't know him, and if she says things she regrets, she puts herself in a position that she doesn't have to be in. They're doing this weird thing with the stick where they're both grabbing it, and soft music is playing, and it looks like they're on the set of Threesome Del Toro or something. Co-starring Rocco Ziffredi as Del Toro, even though he's Italian. Jay says that Caridee clearly offended Nigel, and let that get to her. She knew that she did a poor job. Ooooh. Caridee interviews that there's a really big chance that she will be eliminated, and with that, the bull shoot is over.
Tyra Mail! Some kind of bitch is going home. Amanda notes that they'll probably be harsh on her at Panel, because she did not have a good week. Eugena says that Amanda is in trouble this week, and that Caridee could be in trouble, too. Caridee hopes that her comment to Nigel won't prohibit her from moving on in the competition. As Michelle picks the apparently soldered-on flowery appliqué from her face, taking a good quantity of skin with it, she voices over that she never envisioned herself being this close to becoming America's Top Model: "I want it, but I don't know if I have it," which is exactly the same clip that was used in the first segment of this episode. Amanda says that, based on Michelle's performance at the photo shoot, she probably has a good chance of staying this week. This makes Amanda worried for herself. Some sisterly rivalry is in the works! Commercials.
We are introduced to panel with a photo of Tyra dressed as a bull. 100% grade A fierce. And seriously, she needs to start wearing clothes that fit. It's true about the vagina arms. There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J.'s hair is coiffed like bull horns. Twiggy looks like a flapper. Pancho Saula is the guest judge, and is probably wondering what the eff is wrong with all these crackheads.
Then, there is a challenge. Nigel asks each girl to step forward and say which of the girls there has the most potential, and which has the least. Melrose is first. She, of course, says that she has the most potential, because she's watched the show before. She says that she's determined and she wants it. The least potential, Melrose says, lies in Eugena. This is because she never hears Eugena say that she wants it. She hears nothing, and that's scary. Oh, the fearful sound of silence. Melrose should try it sometime.
Then it's Eugena's turn, and she is awesome. She says that she has the most potential because it's been a struggle for her. She didn't start off at the top, but this competition is all about the journey to get to the top. Eugena says that Amanda has the least potential because in this industry you can't second-guess yourself.
Then there's Caridee, who says that of course she's going to pick herself for most wanting to win America's Top Model. Yeah, but that wasn't the question, dumb-ass. I like Caridee, but I'm kind of sick of her this week. She says that she has a really big passion for this industry. She says the least capable person is Amanda, because she doesn't feel desire beaming from her. Caridee says that if she's going to lose, she wants to lose to someone who wants it just as bad as she does. I thought Michelle was the twin who didn't want it. Interesting.
Then it's Amanda's turn. She says that she'll exclude herself from the most potential game, because she feels no need to talk about herself. But other than herself, the person with the most potential is Eugena, though Amanda isn't sure she's using it. Amanda kind of surprisingly says that Caridee is the girl with the least potential because she has "country girl" features and, while they're strong, Amanda feels like she's seen them before. Caridee looks like she wants to slice Amanda's bony chest open and eat her raw heart.
And then there is poor Michelle. She says that she's not going to go with herself for the strongest, because she doesn't think that she's the strongest. She's going to go with Caridee, because Caridee has a bubbly personality. And then Michelle starts crying. She says that she doesn't know whom to pick for the weakest, and that sometimes she thinks she's the weakest because she doesn't know what she wants. Okay, this is what you call a sacrifice fly. Michelle says that she sees other girls who want this so badly, and that she doesn't know if she has the energy and passion Caridee and Melrose have. She says that when she tries hard in photo shoots, it's never right, but when she just sits there and the camera captures her, she has natural talent. She says that she doesn't know how to be super-confident. She seems really upset, I think probably because she would kind of like to win and is totally sabotaging her chances so that Amanda has a shot.
Melrose is first up for the photo evaluations. Tyra says that her photo is stunning. What? She looks like a cross-eyed waxwork. ["For real. She cannot pull off wearing that much makeup. She was like a terrifying drag queen from the '40s." -- Wing Chun] Nigel says that Melrose has a lot of energy and is a good model, but that she's a little too rehearsed. She needs to be natural. Twiggy says that her look in the photo is very 1940s. ["See?" -- Wing Chun] Tyra notes that Melrose also won the challenge for the week.
Eugena is , and Tyra says she loves that Eugena talked about being on a journey, but that it's also a hustle, because Eugena knows that her photos at the beginning of the competition weren't very good. Nonetheless, she was impressed. Eugena's bullfighting shot is awesome. She looks really graceful and has one leg up in the air. Nigel says that Eugena took risks and was a pleasure to work with. Tyra commends her for the passion in her eyes in almost every single frame. Miss J. thinks Eugena looks like him. Girl, you wish. Miss J. thinks the picture is fierce. Tyra says she thinks she's really good at what she does and knows how to model and twist and turn and do all kinds of stuff, but that she can't do what Eugena did unless she's going to go to the hospital. I think that's a pretty good compliment, and also makes me wish she would try it.
Michelle is . Tyra notes that Michelle has the strongest portfolio, and Tyra finds that sad because Michelle doesn't know her own strength. We flash back to Michelle breaking down in front of Panel, which JUST HAPPENED. Like, a minute ago. Is a sepia-toned flashback really necessary? Tyra says that Michelle has a natural talent, and just needs to accept that she's dope, even if she doesn't know why. Michelle's photo is great. Pancho says that he loves Michelle's face, and thinks she's the most interesting girl, image-wise, in the competition. Nigel says that Michelle was a surprise, and that even though she didn't know what she was doing, she did it well. He wishes she could take a look at herself. Miss J. says that she can, by looking at her photos. Nigel says that she doesn't listen to the judges, because they've been commending her all along and she just told them she had the least potential. Tyra says that Michelle took risks in this shoot, and that she has to know she's good. It might take some time, but, as Eugena said, it's a journey.
Then there's Amanda. Her close-up is gorgeous, and Twiggy notes that the camera loves her. Nigel says that Amanda has a great look, but needs to get the top half and bottom half of her body in sync. Tyra says that Amanda has the awkward second-guessing thing Eugena spoke of. Tyra quotes Eugena a lot during this Panel. Nigel says that both Amanda and Michelle have great editorial lines, but whether Amanda is as capable of doing it as well as her sister is another thing. Ooooh, burn.
And then there is Caridee, who pulls a little letter out of her pocket and reads it in front of the judges. It goes like this: "I want to take the time out to say thank you. I can never show my gratitude enough. Tyra: your heart has allowed me to make my dreams come true. I'm sorry if I disappointed or disrespected any of you. I hope you will allow me to carry on. There's nothing more that I want to do than represent all of you in a good, respectable, classy, fun, responsible way." Okay, what? That is whack. I'm surprised she didn't write a poem like, "Violets are blue/ Roses are red/ Sorry about the ass comment/ Kick off Amanda instead." Tyra says she appreciates that Caridee wrote the letter, because she heard about the rude and disrespectful remark to Nigel. Nigel says that Caridee's apology is accepted, but that they have to harp on this because an Elite Model with a Cover Girl contract needs to act with class, dignity, and respect. Is this before or after she snorts coke off of the bathroom floor? And I do enjoy Caridee, but classy she is not. In any case, Caridee's shot is okay. Tyra says that she sees great photography, but not strong modeling. Caridee says that the whole experience was intimidating, and starts crying. She says that she's trying too hard and overthinking it, and that's ruining her. Tyra says that Caridee's film was hoochie. Nigel says that he talked with her about body shape and elegance, and that he often finds with Caridee that she acts like she's listening, but really she's not. D'oh! Snap.
The judges deliberate. Twiggy says that the photograph of Amanda isn't her favorite, but that she thinks that she's got something rather special and would like to keep her in. Nigel says that waist-up modeling won't cut it. He actually gets a little snippy with the Twigs. He says that Amanda has the confidence and Michelle doesn't. Twiggy says the problem with Michelle is that she doesn't want to be there. Nigel counters that the problem with Amanda is that she doesn't really know how to model. Michelle, however, is a natural. Twiggy says that Nigel's opinion is not her opinion. Catfight! Get these girls a tub of Jell-O. Pancho plays the diplomat by saying that Amanda has a lot of potential. He also says that Michelle is the most interesting to him of all of the contestants, and that the great models are usually the ones who don't even know they can do it, at first. Eventually, with time, Michelle will get confidence and go for it. Miss J. says he thinks that, in time, Michelle will get bored with modeling. Twiggy thinks Michelle is a conundrum, and doesn't know what to do with her. Tyra wonders if Michelle does want this, but knows that her sister wants it more, so she is willing to sacrifice herself. Um, yeah. The judges act like Tyra just unearthed the Rosetta Stone. Get a clue, man. Caridee is very sweet, according to Pancho, but she seems sad. Like a sad clown! That's very European. Nigel says that they're watching a model fall apart in front of their eyes. Tyra notes that the whole letter trick is a Top Model first. Nigel thinks that the early praise she received went to her head, and that Caridee thought she had it in the bag. Then she got sassy and cool and didn't listen. Twiggy says that the photograph isn't good overall, even though she loves Caridee's face. Nigel says that Caridee's face didn't carry the heavy makeup very well. Miss J. prods and gets Nigel to admit that he thought Caridee looked drag-ish. Twiggy loves Melrose. Miss J. notes that all the other girls hate Melrose because she works so hard. Nigel says that what Melrose doesn't have is that intangible thing that makes him excited, or makes him want to shoot her. I guess she has an intangible thing for me, because I certainly do want to shoot her. Pancho says that he didn't like Eugena because she was very silent, both in words and presence. Nigel thought the same thing when she was on set, but says she used her fear and harnessed it. He notes that you can't bring a bull with you everywhere, however. Oh, if only. Tyra notes that Eugena's photo is fierce, and a wicked improvement over the first couple of weeks. It might be a fluke, but the photo is really great.
The girls return. Tyra has a mere four photos in her hands. And Eugena gets the first one! Yay! Caridee looks all dead-eyed and weird and is bouncing around. It's scaring me. Melrose gets a photo . And then Caridee gets a photo, much to her great relief. She gets all teary. We cut to Melrose, who is the first to be cognizant of the fact that the twins are going to be up against each other. Or else she's just really surprised that Caridee's comment to Nigel didn't really bite her in the ass. Tyra gives Caridee a stern admonishment as Caridee weeps. This, of course, leaves Amanda and Michelle. D'oh! It seems so cruel. Michelle looks totally relaxed. She grabs Amanda's hands. Awww, twins. Tyra says that, back in casting, she thought the twins would be a part of the final three, but that is not the case. One of them has such a natural talent, but might not have a passion for modeling. But the judges look at her and think that if she doesn't have a passion for this yet, maybe she needs to stand on her own, not with her sister. Ooooh. And then there's Amanda, with all the drive in the world, but questionable talent. Just because you want something and it's a dream doesn't mean that you're great at it.
However, Amanda gets a second chance. Tyra says that, in this competition, passion is way more important than beautiful pictures. And that's pretty much all that's wrong with America's Top Model, isn't it? Michelle seems more or less relieved. There was a bit of a wry look flickering over her face when Amanda was called, but I think she's just happy that her sister is happy, and that she can go back to the real world and be as dykey as she wants. Amanda cries as Michelle hugs everyone and gets ready to leave. Michelle gives a peace out sign as she exits. She says that she kind of shot herself in the foot today, but that she didn't want her sister to leave because this is one of her dreams, too. She says that maybe she was a distraction, and now that she's gone, Amanda can have more focus. She says that she never wants Amanda to second-guess herself, because Amanda's amazing and Michelle loves her. Michelle says that she guesses she was there to find herself, and that she found a little bit of something, so that works for her. She's a mere eighteen, and has so much life to live. She's going to embrace it instead of hiding from it. Awww, li'l Michelle. We see her portfolio, and it's really good. I bet she'll get signed somewhere.
time: my evil plan misfires and the show tries to kill Caridee instead of Melrose.