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This week is all about being sexy. Sexy and scary, sexy and burlesque, and sexy and Fabio-loving. Yes, that's right. First Dennis Quaid, and then Fabio. Perhaps week will bring Tom Selleck. Tyra gets the girls to pop in vampire contact lenses, and then shoots them in black and white. I guess that's our Halloween present. I was hoping for Mallo Cups. They then meet Ms. Dita Von Teese, who teaches the girls about being sexy with props. This prepares them to walk a dinner-table runway wielding serving dishes. Sexily. The dinner party guests laugh and laugh, because the girls all look ridiculous. Melrose wins the challenge again, but no one calls her any names. Boo. The week's photo shoot has the girls posing for the cover of a romance novel with Mr. Fabio. And if you don't believe in evolution, just take a look at that guy. In the end, Eugena and her stank attitude stay in the competition and poor Brooke learns the lesson that you should stay in school as she is ousted on the night of her high-school graduation. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Michelle loves herself some ladies, and confessed it to the world. Amanda went into her shell, which is not the same shell as the half-shell stood upon by Venus, which would of course make Michelle feel all tingly inside. Janice Dickinson came back and was sober (I know, bummer). At a celebrity-couple inspired photo shoot, Melrose was awesome (boo, hiss), whereas A.J., channeling the feeling of a thousand TWoPpers, couldn't hide her indifference. Eight bitches remain! And I mean it when I say that eight is not only enough, but probably at least six too many.
It is night at the Bitchfords' house. Eugena, having decided that Melrose is getting too much of the bitch edit that rightfully belongs to her, chooses to vent in the confessional. She says that it's been weeks since they've been there, and the girls are starting to "show their asses." Like, literally? Will we get to see it? She continues that Jaeda won't stop complaining about her hair, CariDee can't keep her clothes on, Anchal is a complainer, and Melrose is a backstabbing ho. Well the CariDee part we can attribute to her bravery in overcoming psoriasis. The others just kind of suck. I mean, Eugena is being really bitchy and all, but she kind of just says all the stuff that we've been saying all along. I might have even used the words "backstabbing ho" verbatim. Also, is it wrong to think that Eugena looks kind of pretty in the confessional?
Anchal walks on the runway as a barely-clothed CariDee gives her encouragement. Hey, Eugena is totally right! CariDee interviews that Anchal is struggling with her weight and has low self-esteem. CariDee says that Anchal has to raise her self-esteem herself, along with some peer mediation. Yeah, I'm sure hearing seven skinny bitches talking about how they just can't bear to finish their wedge of lettuce because they're too full is really going to do the trick. Anchal tells us that she's an "in the corner" type person, and tends to be self-conscious about everything, especially her body weight. It's stressing her out. Anchal's interview is totally cobbled together with, like, dental floss. She's actually wearing two different shirts from the first half to the second. Nice. Also, I'm waiting for CariDee to bust out with, "Nobody puts Anchal in the corner." Except no one wants to do a lift in the lake with Anchal.
Meanwhile, it appears to be mail day. Brooke gets a package, which she predicts will be graduation-themed. Awww, Brooke has a family who loves her! Brooke tells us that her graduation and prom are both coming up. She's bummed that she won't get to participate in the rite of passage of walking on the stage and getting her diploma (which her mom sent to her), but she says that it's a sacrifice that she's made, and she's really happy to be a part of ANTM. Hold that thought, Li'l Brooke.
Melrose tells us that she woke up and went into the backyard, where she found all sorts of photographic equipment. She also finds Elyssa Traub, who is Blossom's twin, and also a photo shoot producer. Elyssa says that they're going to have an impromptu shoot. The photographer is...TYRA BANKS! Try to contain your excitement. Tyra says that she's been playing with photography for about ten years as sort of a hobby. She tells Melrose that she shot the ANTM finalists on Season 1 -- WHICH IN HER REVISIONIST HISTORY DO NOT INCLUDE THE SKANK WHO MARRIED THE GUY FROM THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY OR WHATEVER AND IS AS DEAD TO HER AS NAOMI CAMPBELL -- and recently she shot Nicole Richie. I have to say that the Nicole Richie photo is pretty good.
But today, Tyra is doing an edgy, black and white photo for the girls. She wants it to be angry, and almost kind of evil. Hey, Melrose can handle that. It should also still have sex appeal. To wit, the girls will wear contacts from the Michael Jackson "Thriller" video. Maybe they were found in a time capsule, along with leggings and skinny jeans and all of Melrose's clothes. Melrose puts in the contacts and is made up with a super smoky eye, and gets her hair teased out all over the place. She looks like the Bride of Frankenstein, but more whore-ish. Brooke gets made up and asks Tyra if it's okay if she growls. Rather than growl, she jowls. Seriously, reattach that jaw, baby girl. Brooke interviews that being young, it's sometimes a little overwhelming, and she doesn't have the experience that the other girls have. The other girls have experience? Coulda fooled me.
is Eugena, who looks evil and kind of hot. Michelle puts her contact in her mouth before putting it in her eye which, as a number of posters have noted, is not the most sanitary move one could make. Tyra tells her to think angry and scary, but not to lose her model. She says to use Halloween as inspiration. Jay Manuel should be in the shot as a jack-o'-lantern. Jaeda complains and says that she feels icky. Tyra tells her that she looks scary. She means it in a good way, but Jaeda is still all hung up on her transformation into a she-male. Jaeda says that she doesn't like looking freaky; it's not her thing, and she likes to be the pretty girl. Well, keep dreaming. Amanda is . Tyra tells her that she looks nervous and uncomfortable. She doesn't want Amanda to second-guess herself. This advice seems to work and Amanda looks much more confident from that point on. Then there is Anchal, who is excited to be shot by Tyra, and nervous about the shoot. CariDee likes the sexy/scary shot, which she thinks is hot. And seriously, if CariDee is involved, it's bound to be hot. She tells Tyra that she loves the camera, and then she and Tyra make scary faces at each other as the segment ends.
Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail. "Ready to flaunt your assets?" Ooh, suggestive! CariDee excitedly wonders whether they'll be wearing lingerie.
The girls get to a theater, where make-up artist Sutan comes out looking like he's playing the Liza Minelli part in an all-tranny version of Cabaret. He says that this is his altar ego, Raja. Michelle, having recently embraced her inner gay, loves it. Sutan tells the girls that they're going to be taught the fundamentals of being sexy. This gets a big whoo. And then he introduces them to his good friend, Miss Dita Von Teese. Wow! I have to say, that's some guest star power. It almost makes up for what happens later. Dita comes out and does her martini glass routine. Brooke interviews that she was praying that they wouldn't have to do a striptease, because her dad would die. Melrose helpfully tells the other girls that Dita Von Teese is married to Marilyn Manson. Eugena is all, "WTF is wrong with these honkies?"
After the performance, Sutan and Dita reemerge. Dita is, like, tiny. You could seriously fit her in your pocket. I don't know what she'd do in there, though, so you might just want to enjoy Dita-In-Your-Pocket in private. Dita tells the girls that in burlesque, you don't want to look like you're trying too hard; it's all about subtlety. You know, lying naked but for a feather boa in a big martini glass. Subtle. She tells them to pop a little hip, and to use props. And that is just what they do.
Anchal up is first, and has to sexily caress herself with a sunflower. It is kind of a riot. Dita says that Anchal seems a little insecure, and could be more confident and comfortable with being sexy. Sutan tells her that she could use the prop more, and Dita tells her to consider lying down on the floor with the flower. And you could do all this in a photo shoot, too, she says. Michelle is with a riding crop. And I love the twins, but sultry they are not. Michelle says that she's used to being a tomboy, so it's a weird feeling. Dita shows her how it's done, and Michelle is all, "Hell yeah." Melrose is way over the top. Also, what the hell is she wearing? Eugena has pom poms and does a pretty good job. CariDee says that Eugena doesn't show a lot of emotion, but you can tell that she has the look and the body. Then there is Jaeda, who says that it's harder to be sexy knowing that she has short hair. She tells us that she would always work her hair, and get it into her face. Well, that's why everyone thought she was the prettiest girl in school. She gets on the floor with her feather boa.
Then there is Amanda. Dita says that she did a great job and had a great combination of sexiness and sweetness. She was like the chocolate covered pretzel of this challenge. And then there is CariDee, who is pure stripper. Dita notes that she could take it down a little bit. Brooke says quite awesomely, "She had on a skirt, and she was up there with her legs spread apart, and I was like, 'Girl, I can see your PANTIES.'" I usually hate the word "panties," but in that context it was pretty great. And then there is Brooke herself, who feels totally uncomfortable with her fan. Dita says that Brooke had a difficult time, and seemed the most nervous of everyone to be sexy. Well, I mean, she's pure as the driven snow.
Sutan tells the girls that on their shoot, they might want to think about how sexy they can be. Dita tells them to walk out there like they mean it, and feel like they're the best at what they're doing. Have confidence, and don't second guess yourself, she says. Dita was pretty awesome, I have to say.
Back at home, Jaeda is still complaining about the fucking hair. Shut up, man, and just deal with it. She says that she wasn't even having fun with the sexy stuff, because hair is important to a girl. She says that she's had long hair all of her life, and that it gave her part of her personality. I bet people all over the world would say things like, "That Jaeda, she's just so...hairy." Eugena interviews that it's hair, and that Jaeda looks ten times better without it. She reiterates that she's sick of dealing with stupid bitches. I feel you, man. For reals. Commercials.
Tyra Mail! "My mama taught me to keep my elbows off the table. But she didn't say anything about feet." Please don't let it be a heart-to-heart with Tyra's mother, please don't let it be a heart-to-heart with Tyra's mother, please don't let it be a heart-to-heart with Tyra's mother.
Blessedly, it is not. The girls travel to a house where they meet Cathy Gould, director of Elite Model Management. With her is supermodel Kylie Bax who looks...old. I don't know. Kylie is apparently one of Elite's top models. I did a Google image search for Kylie Bax, and found a whole lot of boobs. She's no Kylie Minogue, that's for sure. In any case, Cathy tells them that tonight she's throwing a private party. And guess who's on the menu? The girls. I thought at first that they were going to be live naked women sushi platters, which is gross, but that is actually not the case. They are going to have to walk down a dinner table runway. Hey, that can't be very sanitary either.
The girls get made up. Anchal is really nervous because the other girls have perfect bodies, which she imagines would give a person more confidence. Well, yeah. The girls walk down the runway table wielding serving platters. Cathy says that Eugena tried too hard and worked her tray too much. When on earth do you ever get that particular criticism? There is Amanda with a fan, who stumbles a little. Then Michelle, who has a riding crop. What kind of dinner item do you serve with a riding crop? I mean, Jesus, see what she can do with a bowl of hot soup or a stuffed pepper. That's what I call a challenge. If you can believe it, the dinner guests are actually eating. I would be so afraid that something would fall off of the girls and into my soup. Like a cootie. Jaeda comes out with a boa, as does Brooke, who tries to focus on staying engaged rather than being uncomfortable. Have I mentioned that the girls are dressed like streetwalkers? Because they are. Then there is fucking Melrose with her fan. She does a great job, and Cathy knows it. Anchal comes out, and someone says that her face is stunning. Cathy notes that Anchal does not have a typical runway body. Finally, there is CariDee, who looks like a stripper per usual.
Kylie and Cathy give the girls their critiques. Kylie likes CariDee's energy. Anchal's body has to be in better shape for runway. Melrose had a great personality and flow. Brooke wasn't convincing and didn't know what to do with her scarf. The winner of the challenge will get an editorial spread in Seventeen. Oh wow, that is a good prize. And it is my sad duty to inform you that it goes to Melrose. Oy. The other girls are not so happy about this turn of events. Melrose interviews that the other girls can hate on her all they want, but she doesn't care because she won the challenge. CariDee sulkily interviews that if Melrose was the best, great for her, she won again. I hear that a recurrence of psoriasis can be caused by sour grapes, Miss CariDee. Melrose gets to pick three friends to be in the shoot with her. See, Melrose's habit of winning challenges would be enough for me to pretend to be friends with her. She picks Brooke, Michelle, and Amanda, who will really just serve to make her look older. Eugena mocks Melrose's enthusiasm for winning the challenge and calls it stupid. Sour grapes aren't a known acne-fighting agent, Eugena.
Melrose notes that it's ironic that she's the oldest one and she's doing the Seventeen shoot. The girls get to the site of their shoot, where they meet Atoosa Rubenstein, editor-in-chief of Seventeen, also known as Beaky Schnozzalot. She introduces them to style director Beau Quillian, also known as a judge on the first season of ANTM, who does not have a speaking part in this episode, and photographer Jeffrey Jones. The shoot will be featured in Seventeen's October issue, in an article about taking a cute outfit and making it a little bit sexy. Brooke tells us that today was really comfortable, because she got to be herself -- energetic, smiley, happy Brooke. I can't wait until the half hour, when she will become wise, bitter, angry Brooke.
Meanwhile, back at home, Anchal still feels bad about herself. She says that her confidence was killed at the dinner party runway show, because she knows she has to work on her body. Anchal says that she doesn't want to gain more weight, but she stresses out. She interviews that she's tired of people telling her that she can't be a model because of how much she weighs. CariDee tells her that overeating is a killer, and so she should stop doing it. Well duh. CariDee tells her to eat better, and Anchal acts like it's a freaking revelation. It's not like CariDee just invented Jazzercise or Sweatin' To The Oldies. Jesus. Commercials.
Dani(elle) goes on a go-see for American Eagle! Hey, I hope she makes it!
When we return, there is Tyra Mail, read by a scantily clad CariDee. And oy, is it a long one. Okay, here goes: "He eyed her heaving bosom as she strutted down the catwalk while he yearned for her modelesque yet Rubenesque body. He extended his strong manly hands and brushed them against her supple skin. She moaned in ecstasy and then left the crowd aghast into the dark of the night. Love, Tyra." Oh, my God, you guys. Tyra totally writes amateur erotica in her spare time. Everything is making sense to me now.
The girls head to the site of their shoot, where they meet Jay Manuel, who tells them that there is a fine line between sexy and sleazy. He says that models shoot all kinds of covers, so today they will be posing for the cover of a romance novel. What's the line between sexy and tacky? The girls are all a-twitter. Melrose is once again wearing the world's ugliest outfit. She interviews, "The image that you get when you hear romance novel is like, groping, really aggressive, like, painting." I don't know if she means that it's like a painting or that it's like painting, but either way that's kind of hilarious. Jay tells them that when you're on a romance cover, you need to draw the reader in with your story. And boy, does Jay have a story for each of the girls. Jaeda will have a Dracula scene. Eugena's story is secret lovers caught in the act. Michelle will have a secret love child. Never meant to be. Love child. Society. CariDee is a peasant in love with a rich man. Melrose is a Madame of a brothel. But not Wayland Flowers and Madame, which might be more appropriate. (And as a side note, I feel like I have mentioned Wayland Flowers and Madame in a lot of recaps. What is wrong with me?) Amanda will be leaving her man for another woman. Anchal will be Cleopatra. Brooke is desperate for her man to stay. The photographer for the day is Randee St. Nicholas, and Jay promises the girls an excellent co-star.
Brooke says that she was expecting their co-star to be someone young and hot and full of testosterone. Instead, they get the missing link. Yes, their photo co-star is Fabio. It is true that this is his genre. We see some of his romance novel covers, and the titles are as such: Rogue, Pirate, and Gentle Rogue. Do you guys think that Gentle Rogue is the sequel to Rogue? I'd hate to read them out of order and miss some important plot point.
First up is CariDee, who was pretty much born to be a peasant in love with a rich man. She does a brilliant job. Jay tells her that it was beyond orgasmic. Gross, man. up is Amanda, who is leaving her man for another woman. She says that it's kind of a confusing character for her and she doesn't know how she's going to get into it. Yes, we know you're not the gay one. Fabio thinks that Amanda has a great look and great potential, but she seemed nervous. Jay asks her what she's thinking about, and she says her boyfriend. Again, we can tell you apart by now. Jay tells us that Amanda has been consistently fair -- not bad, not good. Just average. Fabio hangs out with the twins and asks if they are inseparable. They say that no, they are very separable. Hmmm, that seems like a bit of foreshadowing, doesn't it? Not as much foreshadowing as the graduation package, but you get the picture. Jay says that Michelle's shot is an intimate one, so she shouldn't have any hopes for personal space. She interviews that she's never been in a relationship, so lying in bed with a man and a baby is kind of different for her. She says that it was fun and uncomfortable at the same time. Jay says that Michelle is usually very good on set, but today her body was very uncomfortable. Fabio is kind of nuzzling her ear. I can see how that might cause discomfort.
Cleopatra Anchal is , and Jay tells her that the competition is getting tougher, and the judges will be looking in the photos for who is engaging themselves and who isn't. Anchal says that she can't let her shyness or low self-esteem get in the way of this important photo shoot. She isn't thinking about her weight, and uses the fact that she has boobs to her advantage. Jay notes that Anchal grabbed the bull by the horns. So to speak. Fabio thought that she took direction very well, was very sexy, and was totally believable. Good job, Anchal! Now stop whining please.
Eugena the secret lover is . Jay asks her if she ever has really been a secret lover, and she says she has. She was trying so hard to hide the way she felt. Because she (and her secret lover) both belonged to someone else, but they couldn't let go. Because what they felt, was oh so real. So real. So real. [Bridge.] And speaking of that song, is there a better lyric out there than, "In the middle of making love we notice the time?" Like, what a buzzkill that would be. Jay wants Eugena to hussy it up a little, and also to have a neck. He says that she was working on a three-quarter tank of gas, and needed to step it up.
is Jaeda being bitten by a vampire. Jay tells her not to hang there limp, and Jaeda voices over that she needs to get going in the competition. Suddenly there is energetic music, which I guess means that she started doing better.
Some of the girls hang out with Fabio, and note that he probably has girls at his house all the time. He jokes that no, he's a virgin. Brooke says that she is too, and Fabio says, "There's still a virgin in Texas?" Oh, the irrepressible Fabio! The virginal Texan is . Brooke says that she's pretty nervous, perhaps because she's kneeling and clutching Fabio's leg, and is in close proximity to Little Fabio. That would be enough to scare any girl who has not yet been ravaged by the love of a man with thighs the size of tree trunks. Brooke says that it's hard, because she's growing up and is being forced into adulthood. God, it's not like Jay asked her to give Fabio a hand job. Jay tells her that her face is looking like Chunksville. What does that mean? I don't think I'd want to live in Chunksville. Fabio notes with some kindness that Brooke is inexperienced and young, so you have to give her some time.
On the opposite end of experience is Melrose the Madam. She is excited about being on Fabio's lap, and notes that Fabio probably had the time of his life. Fabio tells us that he can't believe that he gets paid for this, and that this is fun. After the shoot, Jay says that everyone needs a cup of cold water, and Melrose asks if Fabio is coming with her. Jay says no way, and Melrose leaves saying, "Ciao, bello."
Back at the Fabio-free home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home! And speaking of that, Brooke says that her high-school graduation is during the panel. She says that if she gets sent home on the night of her graduation, that will going to suck a lot. I'll say! But they would never do that, would they? I couldn't imagine such unnecessary cruelty! Anchal interviews that if the director of Elite is the guest judge, she's screwed, on account of how she's all hefty and shit. And with that, there are commercials.
We return to Panel with Tyra on the cover of a romance novel, all by her lonesome. The title of her book is, Bankable No More: He Stole My Heart and My Bank! Um, clever? Tyra's dress at judging is a whole other matter. You know those t-shirts that are, like, BIG t-shirts, but they have pictures of, like, skinny bodies in bikinis on them? It's like that, but in tube dress form. Her eye makeup is also really scary. There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J. is wearing a cockatiel pompadour. Melrose's hair looks terrible. It's all stringy and her roots are growing in. The guest judge is Cathy Gould, director of Elite Model Management, which makes Anchal nervous. The evaluations will be based on both Tyra's black and white photo of the girls and the Fabio cover.
And speaking of Anchal, she's first for the individual evaluation. Twiggy thinks her black and white shot is really scary, and Nigel says that she's taken his breath away. Tyra says that Anchal committed to the photo, but it's important not to rest on the makeup and to take things a step forward. In her romance novel shot she looks in control, which is a big accomplishment for a young model, according to Cathy. Tyra says that Anchal was a little hoochie in her film. Well, she's posing for a book called Love Pyramid. What else is she to do? Tyra demonstrates how to give booty, but be fashion. What does that sentence even mean?
Twiggy thinks that Amanda's black and white shot could be right out of a fashion magazine. Tyra says that sexy is not one thing. What she loves about Amanda's picture is that it makes you think about sexy in a different way. Twiggy loves Amanda's innocence in her Fabio photo, and thinks it's very sexy. Amanda says that she's leaving Fabio for another woman, and Twiggy gets very proper and says, "Double the hussy!" Double the hussy, double the fun, I always like to say. Amanda looks happy.
is CariDee. Her black and white photo is sexy in an exorcist kind of way, according to Nigel. Twiggy compliments the photo, and Tyra says that CariDee blew her away, because she commits in an insane way. She was growling and making noises and whatnot. Tyra says that she wishes Nigel was there to experience it, and that all she had to do was point and click. She says that she's never seen a model do that, and CariDee is proud. Her Fabio photo is also great. Twiggy likes the soft side that she's showing. Nigel says that CariDee looks stunning, but is wearing too much makeup. Tyra tells her to scrub her face, and save the makeup for retirement.
Brooke is . Twiggy thinks that her black and white shot is interesting, because she looks very young. Tyra says that Brooke has a newscaster side to her, which is actually totally accurate, but on-set she gets into a different "thing." Nigel likes her Fabio photo as a long shot, but as a close up it is pretty terrible. Cathy says that it's a bad angle for Brooke. Twiggy, feeling that someone has to say something nice to poor Brooke, says that she loves that Brooke is frowning and has gotten into the story.
Michelle is . Her black and white photo is pretty cool, and features her tongue sticking out to the side. Tyra says that she took a chance, and Cathy thinks that it's one of the best faces they've seen, which appears to garner a glare from Amanda. Tyra says that Michelle did so many safe shots, and she had pulled one of those but changed it at the last minute, because it's important for her to give credit to a girl for doing something different. Tyra says that Michelle looked very uncomfortable in her Fabio film. Michelle says that it's probably because she's never laid in bed with another person. Tyra says that she was modeling when she was a fifteen-year old virgin (at which point Michelle also acknowledges that she's a virgin) and she knew how to be sultry and seductive. Tyra says that Michelle has also never been evil, to a black fashion show, or bulimic, but she convincingly did all those things, so there's no excuse for saying that she's never done something. I hate the whole "excuses" thing that Tyra does with some girl every season. In any case, Michelle totally knows that she fucked up.
Then there is Eugena, whose black and white photo looks really fucking scary. Nigel says that it's got the strongest eyes he's ever seen from her, even with the contact lenses. Miss J. says that that's the real Eugena -- she's that evil. No, I mean, he actually says this. Tyra asks what was going through Eugena's mind that day. Eugena says that maybe she was mad. Nigel tells her that when they ask her a question, she should think about her answer and deliver an answer that they'll appreciate. Tyra tells her to also be likeable, because she's not being likeable right now. Eugena says that she tries to be herself, but it comes off as something else. Cathy asks if modeling is something that Eugena has passion for. Eugena pauses and then says that it is, but Cathy says that she's not convinced that Eugena really wants this. Tyra says that last week a girl went home who the judges felt didn't want it, so Eugena should take heed and shape up. Tyra tells Eugena to have manners, and Twiggy adds that some charm would be nice, too. Eugena's Fabio shot works as a long shot, but she's got the dead eyes again.
is Melrose. Twiggy says that to date Melrose has given the best photos. Tyra says that Melrose's film was beautiful for the black and white shot, but if you took away the makeup it looked like it could be a cosmetics ad. That's a bad thing? Melrose wasn't bringing it up to her full potential. The Fabio photo is great, and Nigel says it's the best of the bunch. Tyra says that it's an obvious sexuality, and Melrose knows how to do that, but she needs to work on the other stuff. Melrose says that she'll be working in the mirror tonight. Suck up.
Jaeda's black and white photo is also hella-scary, but cool. Nigel says that whatever feeling she had, she brought to the picture. Tyra says that she felt the picture happen. Nigel notes that she looks terrified standing in front of them, and Tyra asks if Jaeda is afraid that she'll go home. Jaeda says that she's been in the bottom two a lot, and really needs to step it up. Twiggy says that the photo steps it up, but Jaeda has to give them a little more enthusiasm in person. Jaeda's Fabio photo is a little awkward looking. She says that she could feel Fabio's breath every second and it was icky. Nigel tells her that she's a model, it's a job, and she's got to get into character. Twiggy says it's apparent that she didn't want Fabio to be that close (which, I might be with her on that one), and Cathy says that Jaeda is a beautiful girl but is afraid every week that she's going home. Tyra says that if the judges keep seeing that Jaeda thinks she's going home, they might just send her home one day. Of course, they might do that whether she thinks she's going home or not, so I don't really get it.
The judges evaluate. Brooke gets better and better according to Twiggy, but Nigel says that he gets a pageant feel from her. Cathy agrees. Anchal is exotic and sexy according to Cathy, and Tyra says that her black and white photo is one of the best of the bunch. However, she might be too pretty, or not know what to do with her overabundance of pretty. That would be quite a problem to have. Amanda is not classically pretty according to Twiggy, but Nigel says that she has risen and this is her defining moment. Fabio is overpowering Jaeda, but in her black and white photo she looks as if she's saying she'll be damned if she goes home this week. Tyra doesn't understand how she can have such a strong picture and such a weak picture in the same week. CariDee's body language is great in her black and white photo, but Cathy says that she tries almost too hard to be a model all the time. Tyra agrees and says that there's a difference between desire and desperation. Eugena is a pain in the ass and needs to work on her attitude. Her black and white photo is good, but she needs to bring it more often. Melrose does not know how to do weird and freaky, and Miss J. thinks maybe she's more comfortable being a lady of the night. Nigel thinks that this is Michelle's weakest week. Yeah, but she's still better than half of the girls there. Tyra says that she's always frustrated with girls who give excuses for things. On Michelle's romance novel cover, which is entitled Who's My Baby's Daddy, Miss J. says that he's the baby's daddy. Unless that kid came out of Michelle's vagina in a burst of flames and wearing sequins, I highly doubt it.
There are seven photos and eight girls. Hey, that doesn't add up! It means that some one is out. The first name that Tyra's going to call is...Amanda. Oh, good for Amanda. She gets the most improved award. I think the twins have turned a corner here. Michelle looks slightly perturbed. CariDee is , followed by Anchal, who needs to bring confidence to all of her photos. Then there is Melrose, who again is wearing yet a different world's ugliest outfit. Then Jaeda is called, which means she's not in the bottom two. Good for her, even though I kind of can't stand her. And then Michelle is called. Phew! Tyra calls her Miss Excuses. Michelle is happy anyway. And this of course leaves...Brooke and Eugena. Now, at this time I thought Eugena and her stank attitude were totally going home. Because, like, how mean would it be to send Brooke packing on the night of her graduation? It would be diabolical. But if you know Tyra, you know that's totally her style.
Brooke goes home. All of the other models, like, cringe. As Brooke goes to hug the other girls she breaks down and says that this is the night of her "friggin' high school graduation." I love that this is, like, the lowest of low moments for her and all she can say is "friggin.'" The girls give her a big group hug. Brooke tells the others that she loves them and starts to leave. Tyra stops her and says that she heard Brooke say that she could be at graduation, but does Brooke know how many girls would love to be in her place right now? I have brief hope that Tyra will open a can of whoop-ass and start yelling, "I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS!!! EXCEPT MAYBE THAT ONE TIME." Ah, the memories. Instead of telling Tyra to go stuff a sock in her sausage dress -- as she has every right to do -- Brooke says that she knows and that she would rather be there. Then there is a weird choppy voice over of Tyra saying that Brooke graduated, but she just missed the ceremony.
Back at home, Brooke says that she gave everything up to come to Top Model. She's crying so much. It's really sad. I mean, her photos are absolutely terrible, but still it's sad. She says that she wouldn't give it up for anything, and that she's experienced a lot while she's been there. She won't go back as a high-school senior, she'll go back as an adult. Or maybe as someone's child bride. Isn't that what people do in Texas?
CariDee is the Cover Girl of the Week!
Coming up: James St. James and NASCAR. And Anchal and Melrose have a pretty mild-mannered bitch-off.