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Holy camole, you guys. It's runway time again as Miss J. teaches the girls how to walk with "assessories." Leslie's worst assessory is, in fact, her ass, which only assentuates her horrible walk. Nnenna laughs at Brooke, which makes Brooke mad. Also making Brooke (and others) mad is Nnenna's habit of monopolizing the phone. The cumulative effect leads Brooke to call Nnenna a fucking bitch and, quite unfortunately, to say that maybe she should go back to Africa. Maybe you should go back to the pond, trout face. The girls get twirling (and bad grammar) lessons from the "aswirl" twins, who are like a fey version of Louis Gossett Jr. and his extra-fey clone. They must soon put their new mad twirling skillz to use marching for God in a church fashion show that makes me wonder if I popped Paris Is Burning in the DVD player by mistake. The phrase "step with pep" is used recklessly. Proving that karma is a myth, Jade wins the competition and a $25,000 diamond ring. The week's photo shoot involves krumping with a scary clown and his posse to promote the House of Payless, and it is my sad duty to inform you that Jade was pretty awesome. Sara and Leslie krump their way to the bottom two, and it is my hot girlfriend Leslie who is eliminated. This sad news is totally overshadowed by a preview of an even more shocking elimination week, when Joanie's incisor will be sent to snaggletooth heaven. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Nnenna was constantly on the phone with her loser boyfriend. This annoyed not only us, but the other girls in the house, particularly Brooke, who said that Nnenna is not the nice, sweet person she appeared to be. The girls had to shoot a Cover Girl commercial, and many of them struggled, including Brooke (who, in truth, is kind of a baby) and Jade (who gave Tyra the opportunity to use her favorite phrase by playing "the blame game" at judging). Jade's attitude put her in the bottom two, along with Mollie Sue. Despite the wishes of millions of viewers, it was Mollie Sue who went home to Whoville. Kind of sad, until you realize that you've totally forgotten about her already.
And once again, UPN, I will not see Take The Lead, no matter how many commercial breaks are filled with clips of Fucking Yaya sassing Antonio Banderas! (Unlike certain other people involved in this site, I may add. For shame, Wing Chun! For shame! ["Honey, don't be jealous." -- Wing Chun])
It is night. We enter the house as Jade talks to Leslie. Jade is crying, and says that she came into "this game" to get the best out of it, but that "this game" is totally tripped out. Knowing Jade and her tiny brain, she's actually probably talking about canasta. She says that she feels like a damn fool. Well, she looks like a damn fool, so it's only fitting. She has a nasty, soggy-looking wad of toilet paper in her hand. Classy! Leslie kind of rolls her eyes. Jade confessionalizes that she was in the bottom two again, and we see footage of Tyra telling her that she played the blame game. Better than playing the name game, though I bet she does that all the time and really cracks herself up when she gets to "Chuck." Jade says that she needs to redeem herself. Well, if she lives as long as this guy, maybe she will have the chance.
Cut to Brooke, who is lying in bed with Leslie. Brooke says, "She's just really pissing me off." But surprise, surprise -- Brooke isn't talking about Jade (who she says is just irritating), but Nnenna. She pronounces Nnenna's name as "Nninna." Perhaps she's confusing Nnenna with herself, the ninny. Brooke interviews that she had a lot of trouble with her commercial last week and heard a lot of laughter about it at Panel. We see a flashback, and it is clear that Nnenna is laughing, but so is Joanie. Brooke says that Nnenna has been calling her a "crybaby" behind her back. We see footage of Nnenna telling Joanie that Brooke cries every day. Joanie (who I suppose we are supposed to recognize as being not evil, even though at Panel she was laughing at Brooke, too) tells Nnenna not to think of it as a weakness, because that's just the way Brooke is. So sentimental, that Brooke. Back in the land of non-flashback, Brooke says she knows she's supposed to be sweet and nice, but that she has a temper, too. Brooke interviews that she doesn't think "Nninna" likes her, but that it's okay, because she doesn't like Nnenna either. Oh, such scathing drama, I can hardly stand up.
The morning, the girls stand in front of Miss J., who tells them that today is all about "assessories." J. has heels, bags, and gloves amongst other things that can throw a bitch off when she's walking down the runway. We have a tiny montage of Miss J. walking with various flashy accessories, and I like him again for a minute. The girls will focus on taking off jackets and gloves, twirling, fighting global warming, and other very important things. J. tells them that jackets are more easily unbuttoned from the bottom, because you end up with your hands at the top and it's easier to take the jacket off. The girls try it out, and Miss J. says, "Ouch." When Leslie comes up, J. says, "You just messy," and then calls her "tressy messy." It is true that her hair looks like skank ass. She is also wearing hideous cut-off denim short shorts. Leslie says that her walk is the worst and the funniest out of all the girls. It is true. Miss J. says that Leslie is a pretty girl, but that some of the things she does take the pretty away from her. I do think that Leslie might have some sort of spinal issue that makes her walk that way. I hope it doesn't make her turn into a big slut and yell, "It's the scoliosis, dad!" when questioned by her father about her lifestyle, and then get attacked by a creepy-ass young Richard Gere, à la Diane Keaton in Looking For Mr. Goodbar. (Note: if you enjoy a slutty lifestyle, do not watch this movie, because it will scare the shit out of you. Don't say I didn't warn you, you big ho.)
J. shows the girls how to take off gloves, and how to handle handbags. Brooke drops her handbag, and Nnenna laughs in a smug fashion. And I must say that that little scene made me think that maybe Brooke is right about Nnenna, because it wasn't even like dropping the purse is something funny enough to laugh about, unless you're just mean and making a point about laughing at someone. No one else laughs. Brooke interviews that she doesn't appreciate Nnenna's laughter, and that she tries to respect Nnenna, but that the effort is not reciprocated. J. tells Brooke that she gets a bit lost, and that, when she does, it shows in her face.
, the girls must twirl around in long, twirly skirts. They look pretty stupid. J. says that Sara is still a bit awkward in her body and seems like Gumby on a bad day. Well, he looks like a Garbage Pail Kid named Jaundiced J. J. tells Sara that she looks like she's trying to make herself smaller, and that she should walk tall in front of them. J. tells the girls that they still need to step it up a few notches, so later that day, they're going to go meet "The Twirlers." He says that they'll have double the trouble. (Speaking of, does anyone remember this show? It was the best. I totally wanted to be one of those twins, or at least the girl they experimented with on the episode when they decided they were doubly bi-curious.) Back to this show: the girls have no idea what this double trouble business is about.
Oh, but they soon find out. They go to yet another random building and wait on a checkerboard floor. Soon, some ballroom-esque music starts, and down the stairs come the two biggest flamers you have ever seen in your life. (I say that with affection for flamers in general, but not for these two in particular.) They are Richard and Ron Harris, two middle-aged bald black men wearing matching black pants, white buttondown shirts with collars up, long black sleeveless muumuu-esque garments, and red sweaters tied around their shoulders. They call themselves the "Aswirl Twins." In addition to being really fucking annoying, they are the enemies of grammar.
Richard and/or Ron says that, earlier, Miss J. taught the girls to take off their blouses and jackets. Blouses, you say? Is that whole Janet Jackson boob thing still preventing us from seeing all the hot action? Ron and/or Richard says that today is about body movement and "making the garment flow." Ron and/or Richard says that they taught Tyra (which they pronounce "Taah-ra") the swirl. We see Tyra swirling on the runway at a Fall 1993 Isaac Mizrahi fashion show, and I can't say for sure whether she looks fierce or just plain stupid. Joanie interviews that the Aswirl Twins are like Count Dracula meets a hairdresser. That's not stereotyping at all. She adds that they're awesome. The twins aswirl in unison. The girls get dressed in evening gowns, and the twins give them an aswirling lesson. This lesson, such as it is, involves the twins twirling around in front of the girls and saying, "That's aswirl." Like, there's not so much to teach, because you just twirl around. Here, do it. Get up now and put one hand on your hip and one arm out and spin around twice, or maybe thrice if you're really feeling it. You now have earned a certificate of aswirling mastery.
The girls swirl with varying success. Leslie mostly kind of walks, and then swirls at the end. The twins note that she was tense the whole time. Furonda interviews that aswirling was difficult at first, because she kind of thought it was a dance, like the two-step or electric slide. Awww, doesn't the mere mention of the electric slide make you wish you were at a wedding reception? The twins mention something about twirling and garments and wraps and scarves, and Joanie admits that she really doesn't know what they're talking about. In fact, that is because they make no sense. Sara says that her dress is difficult to walk in, not to mention swirl in. Ron and/or Richard says, "Sara aswirl with a stiffness." I'm sorry, but is that even a sentence? For that matter, is it even the English language? I recognize most of the words, but I just can't glean any meeting out of it. And then, in their coup de grâce on the war against grammar, Ron and/or Richard says, "Sara also were affected by her heighth." Augh. The swirling lesson is blessedly over.
We quickly swirl back home, where Nnenna is on the phone. Danielle sits on the couch with Brooke and complains that Nnenna has been on the phone for an hour, and that she must think she's in her apartment. Danielle interviews quite awesomely, "You see the sun rise, you see it set, you see the Eiffel Tower, you see the crows cock...all that going on, and Nnenna's still on the phone." Brooke says that there are other people in the house, who would like to talk to their boyfriends, too. Brooke goes into the phone room, where Nnenna has set up camp, and says, "How can you not understand the concept of the phone?" Nnenna starts to say that she didn't see anyone around and left the door wide open. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but okay. Brooke then says that it's not very difficult and says, with snappy mock-wonder, that Nnenna is a chemist and can understand all that, but can't understand the concept of the phone. See, I do agree that Nnenna is kind of an ass to be on the phone all the time when others are obviously waiting. However, all Brooke needs to say is, "Nnenna, you've been on the phone for seventeen hours, and other people are waiting to use it. Any chance you're going to get off before Jade turns fifty? Which is actually any day now, but still?" Okay, that's rude, too. I guess I'm not really the go-to person for how to respectfully resolve conflict. Nnenna interviews that she's not at all moved by Brooke's reaction and doesn't care. Brooke, now on a conflict high, starts to talk about something else that's been bothering her (I'm pretty sure it's about how Nnenna tells people that Brooke's a crybaby and/or laughs at her, which I just got by osmosis because it hasn't been mentioned in the episode at all), and Nnenna just totally ignores her, picks the phone right up, and starts dialing. Brooke is stunned. She walks out, and says quite loudly to several other girls that Nnenna's a bitch, and that she's sick of people thinking Nnenna's so great and nice when in fact she's not. We then get an interview with Jade, who says, "Brooke? This is coming out of Brooke's mouth?" Shocking, I know! Jade laughs to Nnenna that Brooke is mad at her. Nnenna could give two shits.
Brooke tells Leslie that Nnenna is sitting back there, laughing at her, and asks what makes Nnenna so much better than her. Well, probably nothing, except maybe her sense of self-confidence. Brooke then says in a weird high voice, "She's from AFRICA? Go back to Africa if it's so damn great." And at that moment I just put my hand in my heads, because I know the forums entirely too well. Thanks for ruining my Thursday, asshole. For the record, I don't think that Brooke made that comment with racist intentions, but you have to be a really huge idiot not to be aware that "go back to Africa" has a lot of really terrible connotations, and that you shouldn't say it, like, ever. Oy. Nnenna tells Jade that Brooke is an emotional wreck and cries every day. Just as she says this, Brooke walks by their room and yells, "I DON'T CRY!" followed by a much more calm "You are a fucking bitch, Nnenna." Nnenna smirks, and we head to commercials.
We return and see exactly what we just saw. Drugs haven't damaged my short-term memory that much, UPN. Brooke tells Danielle that she can't believe what she just said. Danielle tells Brooke that everyone thought she was so sensitive, but now everybody's like, "Dang, she can wig out on you." Danielle says that's a good thing, and I agree. I always like to employ just a hint of crazy in my dealings with others. It keeps them on their toes. Brooke laughs. She interviews that she called Nnenna something she shouldn't have, and is really ashamed. Oh, calling someone a chemist isn't that bad. Danielle interviews that if you go off on somebody, you shouldn't apologize, but should rather go full-force. Own it, in other words. I love Danielle. I really hope she wins.
Tyra Mail! Joanie comes in wearing a laundry basket on her head. Someone asks why, and she says that she's a basket case. Heh. The Tyra Mail reads, "Sashay, chanté." Chanté chanté chanté. Oh, those were good times. If you didn't come of age in the 1990s, I am sorry that you missed the era when drag queens were cool. Go out and rent The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert and take some Ecstasy just to get a taste of what it was like. Leslie interviews that she doesn't even have her walk down, much less a signature walk, so she is quite worried. Well, she should be. The other girls try to help her. Leslie says that she doesn't feel like she's sticking her butt out. Flashback to finals week, where Miss J. said that Leslie has a duck booty. Joanie says that Leslie might just have a longer butt. Leslie interviews that she should probably watch more runway. And, perhaps, get a rod in her spine. Really, I don't know if she can do anything about that posture.
Also feeling the heat is Sara, who says that she keeps hearing the same stuff about "owning" her height, but doesn't know how to practice that. Sara talks to her boyfriend, and says that she's feeling really lonely. She tells him that they have been working on runway stuff, and that she feels like she's been slouching much more. Sara interviews that there are other girls in the competition who have always wanted to model, whereas she was found in a mall. She should really be thankful for that, because the girls who are found in the mall or on the street or on the bus home from middle school are always the successful ones. I expect Sara to say that the competition doesn't mean much to her because of this, but instead, she says that she really wants to prove that she deserves to be there. Brava, Sara! She just seems so level-headed. Sara's boyfriend notes that it's probably going to get more stressful, and she agrees.
The morning, the girls go to a church. The Hallelujah Chorus plays. Jade interviews that she wondered why they were there, but says that of course she blessed herself with holy water. This might explain the sizzling burns we later see on her person. Nice try, Countess Bathory. Joanie reminds us that she's a preacher's daughter, and hasn't missed a Sunday service since she was in the womb. Not even the morning after winning the amateur contest at Beavers N' Tails? Well done, my friend! The girls meet special-events producer Roy Campbell. He looks like a plump Eddie Murphy and is an F.O.T. (friend of Tyra). He tells the girls that they will be tested on their accessory removal and swirling/twirling skills in a church fashion show. Jade interviews, "Anything that has to do with runway, I don't care if it's the Sahara desert. If there's a runway, Jade is going to be on it." If I have any say in the matter, it will be the runway at Logan Airport, and there will be a 747 hurtling toward her. Run, Jade, run!
Roy explains to us that, in the early 1940s, blacks couldn't attend fashion shows, and so had to put on their own. "Vintage church fashion show" footage shows us that puffy sweatshirts were more popular in the early 1940s than we had initially suspected. Church fashion shows are therefore a big tradition in the black community, says Roy. He tells the girls that, today, they are expected to sashay, swirl, twirl, and make their fashions come alive. The entire congregation of the church has been invited to attend and bear witness to the girls' holy suckitude. Brooke wonders how, when she can barely walk normally, she is going to handle this dramatic swirling and twirling business. The girls will be wearing fashions by designer Lloyd Klein, who apparently makes really puffy dresses. They'll also be working with jewelry designer Sol Rafael. Sol tells them that he and Lloyd will be judging the girls, and that the winner of this challenge will win a diamond ring worth $25,000. See, a new wardrobe from Sears is not a good prize. $25,000 worth of diamonds is a good prize.
The girls get outfitted. Leslie tells the makeup artist that she was a bit afraid of walking the runway, because she never wore high heels before she was in the competition. Sara, who is outfitted like Elizabeth Taylor after her brain surgery, in a long white gown with matching turban, says that the clothes are beautiful, but that she's not sure how she's going to swirl and twirl in them.
Roy serves as the announcer for the show, and unleashes his inner queen. Danielle swirls a little with a long white wrap. She is wearing a turban, as well. Actually, I think all the girls have them. Turbans: the must-have assessory for spring! As Danielle walks, I notice that the majority of the congregation members are white. Shrug. Maybe the rest all went back to Africa in a show of solidarity with Nnenna. Lloyd Klein says that Danielle needs more personality on the runway.
Leslie walks out in a short puffy skirt that serves to disguise her duck booty, at least in part. She says that she did her best, and that if Miss J. doesn't like it, too bad.
Brooke -- taking not only twirling but speaking cues from the Aswirl twins -- says, "The dresses I was wearing was very difficult for myself to walk in," and notes that she was worried about tripping. She looks slouchy and weird, kind of like a mental patient. Well, good to see that Jade didn't corner that market, I guess.
Nnenna walks in formal hot shorts and looks pretty good. Joanie interviews that the energy level was great on the runway, and that she and Jade can really compete, because she thinks that's who it's between. She doesn't clarify whether "it" means the runway competition, or the whole Top Model shebang.
Sara walks out, and twirls as much as she can given that her dress is very tight at the bottom with an awkward train. She says that she didn't feel comfortable in the dress, and that she's sure it showed.
Joanie walks out and looks like a really sexy, twirling, hot nun in her weird black and white dress. But seriously, hot. Very drag queen-ish, but that's sort of the whole point. Joanie says that one of the hairdressers told her that she has one of the hottest looks today. Out: Orthodontia. Five minutes ago: Veneers. In: Snaggleteeth. Joanie says that she's working it out for God. She's so funny.
And then, of course, there's Jade, who twirls all the way down the runway. She does look kind of great in a twirling sort of way, but she also is wearing a dress that's particularly susceptible to twirling. Roy says that Jade's twirling is what a community fashion show is all about. Well, send her to Bakersfield, then, and let's get on with the competition. Joanie interviews that she definitely thinks she won the runway challenge.
The girls line up before Sol and Lloyd and find out the winner. It is my sad duty to inform you that the winner is Jade. Along with you and me, Jesus wept. Joanie interviews that she was working it, and was mad that she didn't win. Jade does several dances of happiness and fondles her own breasts. Danielle interviews that Jade was tripping. If only she were tripping in front of a bus. Jade gets the $25,000 diamond ring. Sol tells her to pick a friend who will get a $10,000 diamond ring. Jade -- thinking that perhaps diamonds have skin-clearing powers -- picks Furonda. Furonda then gets to pick a friend to get an $8,000 diamond ring. She picks Nnenna. But the real gem of the bunch is Sara, who says she's not disappointed that Jade didn't pick her to share in the prize, but is disappointed that she didn't earn it herself. Sara is a class act amongst a crowd that is filled with mostly ass acts. Additionally, poor Furonda wears the ugliest clothes.
In the car on the way home, Jade celebrates her victory and thanks Jesus. She is in the car with Nnenna, Furonda, and Leslie. Nnenna notes that Jade has two challenge victories and Furonda has one. Leslie notes that she has zero. In the other car, Sara, Joanie, Danielle and Brooke talk. Joanie tells the girls that she didn't want Jade to win. Brooke says that she doesn't think Jade can win the competition, and adds that even though Nnenna has won a lot of the mini-challenges, she doesn't think she can win the competition, either. Brooke interviews that she's in the competition to do well, and not to get involved in petty differences. Well, then Brooke would do well to cool it with the shit-talking, wouldn't she? She says that she doesn't like Nnenna, and adds that even though she handles her stress in a different way than the others do, it doesn't mean she's a crybaby. I feel like everyone's always crying on this show, so I don't know what her (or Nnenna's) hangup is.
Back at the house, Brooke talks to her dad. She cries like a little baby, but that doesn't make her a crybaby. She tells her dad that she hates it in the house, and notes that she called someone a name and feels awful about it. Oh, please. Nnenna is calling you 150 worse things in her mind right this minute. Brooke says that it's not really like her to be like that, but that she's overcome by the pressure. Her dad sounds awesome and is very sweet and supportive. He ends the call by telling her to "give 'em heck," and I think we now have some idea where she gets her simpering yet sweet worldview from. She tells her dad that she loves him very much, and they hang up as we head to commercials.
Meanwhile, Nicole still has a life as a Cover Girl. During Fashion Week, she hosted a segment for VH1 called "At The Tents," where she got to...hang out with people...at the tents. I don't know. From the looks of things, VH1 could have probably set up the tents in Nicole's eyebrows.
We return to some topless hot tub hijinx. Yes! Leslie is one half of the topless duo, which is a welcome sight. The other half is Jade. Leslie confessionalizes that she can't imagine going home to boring, mundane Higley, Arizona. She says that after all of her experiences of the past several weeks, she just can't settle for that. She can come live with me, and we can have half-naked fashion shows in my living room every night. You're all invited!
And now it's time for a particularly chatty and anecdotal Tyra Mail! "Sometimes on the morning of an important job, I used to get really bad stomach krumps. But I still got off my butt and worked it." The girls try to puzzle it out, and then Furonda shakes her skinny little butt because she knows what's up.
The girls meet Jay Manuel on a rooftop. He asks why the girls look so tired, and then yells that it's a great morning in downtown Los Angeles. He is so full of shit because it is totally cloudy and actually looks pretty cold. He continues to feign enthusiasm as he tells the girls that today they'll be doing a really cool shoot for -- wait for it -- Payless. They've done Wal-Mart, they've done Sears, and now Payless. The only place they can go from here is to model the clothes from one of those yellow Planet Aid bins. Work it like you're close to being homeless! Jay says that Payless shoes are not only affordable, they're hip. Jay also has some property on the moon and a subtle self-tanner he'd like to sell you. ["I will grant that Payless shoes are usually pretty trendy, but that's because you're only supposed to wear them for two months before they completely fall apart because they are so poorly made." -- Wing Chun] Jay asks the girls what they think they'll be doing for the shoot. Nnenna interviews with a totally straight face that, since they were on top of a roof, she could only imagine that they would be leaping from the building. Oh my God, why are they all so dumb? Jay tells them that they'll be doing a little dancing with Tommy the Clown and his merry band of krumpers. So, the thing about Tommy the Clown is...he's a clown. He may be a krumping clown, but he's a clown nonetheless, and to many people (including P. Diddy!), that is terrifying. Of course, I guess the producers felt that if the girls have been able to look at Tyra all these weeks and not have an attack, they probably don't suffer from coulrophobia. What this scary clown and krumping have to do with Payless shoes and a rooftop, however, I do not know. Jay explains that krumping is a high-energy style of hip-hop dance that is reminiscent of breakdancing. Tommy and posse will be krumping it up with the girls in the photo. Jade interviews that dancing is like a fulfillment to the soul for her, and adds, "Jade can dance." Trevor O'Shana is the photographer. Jay tells them to remember the energy and show off the shoes.
Leslie says that she needs to step it up. She adds that she used to dance, so she knows that she can get a good shot. Jade dances it up in the dressing area. She's such a fool. Sara says that she took ballet when she was young. Joanie tells Jay that she can dance, and he acts surprised and makes a big deal out of the fact that the white girl can dance. Such is the power of racist stereotypes that Jay dyed himself orange just so that people wouldn't automatically assume that he has no rhythm.
Joanie is first to go. Jay tells her that the camera is shooting from a low point to emphasize the shoes, and that she should stick out her leg to make it look really long. Joanie dances somewhat whoreishly as the krumpers krump. This all reminds me of the most awesome cable-access show, which airs Sunday mornings in Rhode Island and has footage of people dancing at this cheesy five-clubs-in-one place in Providence called The Complex. If you never thought that you looked stupid while you were drunkenly grinding with your friend and hiking up the strap of your thong, this show proves you wrong. Seriously, move to Rhode Island just so you can watch it. Jay says that the only problem he had with Joanie was that occasionally she'd get a mean mugging face, which is also known as the expression that you think looks fierce while you're getting down but actually makes you appear to have some sort of facial deformity. Which Joanie actually might have anyway.
is Furonda. Jay says that if she doesn't bring it, her black sisters will shame her in the streets, just as Jay's orange people shamed him in the grove when they discovered that he didn't know how to dress. The orange are known for their sense of style. Jay asks if Furonda can dance, and she says that she can. He tells her that if she doesn't get into it, it won't work. She is so skinny. Jay says she looks a little like a limp rag doll, and asks for more.
Backstage, Jay tells an anxious Brooke not to freak out and let her nerves consume her. Furonda says that Brooke is a mess, and has really been letting the situation with Nnenna get to her. Brooke notes that she does tend to freeze up when she feels the stress. Meanwhile, Jade dances violently in a weird purple one-piece bathing suit, further endangering the limited brain cells remaining with each whip of her head.
Danielle's shoot is , and Jay tells her to make the black girls proud. Danielle says that, at home, her friends all call her a white girl. Oh, I knew there was a reason I like her so much. Jay asks with surprise if she means that she can't dance, and Danielle says she's going to do what she does. Jay tells her that if she thinks of a white girl, she should at least think of Irene Cara. Good example. But there is no need to worry about Danielle, because she works it out. Black girls everywhere beam with pride.
is Sara, who looks super-gawky and kind of hangs her mouth agape. She says that she was definitely conscious of her height and trying to get the right angles. She sticks her legs up a lot, which, I guess, could be effective.
Nnenna is , and Jay tells her that he wants to see some of the African stuff. She has rhythm, but is a bit reserved. Jay says that it was tough to get the energy out of her, and the whole time she was giving an "Am I pretty? Am I pretty?" vibe as she posed.
Leslie says that she knows she can move her body and be graceful, and will be good as long as she forgets her nerves. Leslie looks okay, but Jay says that she keeps giving the same two moves. He asks her if that's how she dances for the men. The glare Leslie gives him matches the glare I give him. Jay says that he wants her to work it like she's in the club and is trying to get a little something. Well, maybe they should play "Come To My Window" in the background, then. Jay says he thought Leslie was going to nail it and be more of a sex kitten. Leslie interviews that the fact that she was trying to pose and thinking too much hindered her ability to let go and get a good shot.
Brooke is and is all tarted up. Jay tells her not to start crying. Seriously, she needs to get it together. Brooke looks kind of nuts, I have to say. The photographer says that she has a killer body, but kind of went off into stripper poses. Cue stripper music, of course.
And then, quite pricelessly, Jade struts in and interviews that she won the runway competition and is feeling good, because this is her "gendre" of photo shoot. As the weeks go by, the bitch-o-meter really points less to evil and more to dumb. Jade, however, really can dance. Jay says that this is the first week Jade has really impressed him. Cut to a confessional where Jade gets all up in the camera and says, "Look at me. I am a supermodel. Do you see the potential? Do you see it?" Well, since you asked, not really. At the end of the shoot, Jade picks up a water bottle and splashes it across her chest in a move that Jay calls "classic Tyra." If you know me at all, you know I hate to admit this, but it was a pretty cool maneuver.
Back at home, Danielle does a little rap about her and Joanie which makes absolutely no sense and doesn't even really rhyme. The two of them look cute, though. There is Tyra Mail, which Leslie reads. Someone is going home. Leslie says that she's nervous but is trying to stay calm. Also nervous, of course, is Brooke, who wants to prove that she can be a model. Jade wonders how tall Sara did with the short krumping klowns. Sara interviews that she's not confident and thinks she might go home. She cries. We head to commercials.
A photo of Tyra krumping leads us into judging. There are prizes, there are judges. Roy Campbell is the guest judge. Tyra says that she's known Roy since she was a seventeen-year-old in Paris, and that he wrote the very first article about her in fashion. As opposed to all the other articles written about her in the field of nuclear physics, which appeared when she was sixteen. Tyra tells them that this week was all about moving. She adds that a church fashion show was the first she ever saw, and that she loved the theatricality. She incorporated elements of that into her own runway walk. Tyra tells the girls that she wants to see them do the same with their signature walks, and models a move she wants them to try out. They are to walk down the runway toward the judges, stop and pose, then on their way back stop and do a slow turntable turn. Tyra demonstrates, and I have to say that it might be the best thing she's ever done. You have no idea how many times I've tried that since this episode aired. Even Twiggy is impressed.
The girls do the runway walk. It's funny to see them try the turntable thing. Danielle, Nnenna, and Sara are particularly terrible.
Jade had a good walk, according to the judges, but needs a little more power. Tyra explains to Twiggy what krumping is, and then demonstrates. Twiggy says that she'll stick to tapdancing. Jade's photo is good, but Tyra says that she forgot she was modeling and had some whack facial expressions.
Sara looked like a tank coming down the runway, according to Nigel. Her photo, however, is quite interesting, according to Twiggy, who asks whether that's klumping. The judges give the photo mixed reviews, but I think it's one of the best.
Furonda has a paralyzed right arm when she walks, says Miss J. Nigel says that she has a signature walk, whether one likes it or not. Furonda has a slamming face in her photo. It is, indeed, a good shot.
Brooke's walk was "dreadful," according to Nigel, but Roy loved it. Brooke's photo is hot. Tyra says that she looks like "LaBrooke." Adding "La" to someone's name is Tyra's second favorite thing after saying that they played "the blame game." Twiggy loves how raunchy the photo is. Nigel says that this is the real deal, and that Brooke needs to take that fierceness to the runway, because there's nothing sexy about a signature look of confusion.
Joanie's walk was soulful, but true to herself, and Tyra loved it. Joanie krumps for the judges, and Roy says that her father's going to get her. "Or get us," says Miss J. I think a Top Model field trip to Beaver County would be the best. It is certainly uncharted territory for the Jays. Joanie has kind of a crazy facial expression in her shot, but her body position is great. The judges love it.
Danielle's walk is good, but not great, according to Tyra. It is competent, but not amazing. The light on Danielle's face is beautiful, according to Nigel, but Tyra once again says that it's good, not great.
Nnenna's runway turn was bad times, and Roy tells her to pay attention when Tyra demonstrates something. The judges love Nnenna's shot. Nigel says that her smile is her money shot.
Finally, there's Leslie, whose turn was also bad. Twiggy says that she has a great body but doesn't use it to her best advantage. Tyra tells Leslie to stick her chin forward to elongate her neck more. Leslie's photo is a good fashion shot, according to Twiggy, but Nigel says that her energy isn't what the other girls were portraying. I don't know. It's a good photo. But at this point, I think we're all pretty aware that Leslie is doomed. Commercials, where we learn that Nnenna was voted Cover Girl of the Week. Really?
The judges deliberate. Joanie is great, though Tyra notes that her self-consciousness about the snaggletooth might be a problem. Leslie is photogenic, but Nigel says that he's not convinced about her in person. Twiggy would like to keep her in the competition to keep an eye on her. Roy says that she could be a fabulous print model, but probably not a top model. Nnenna is selling the shoes in her photo. Twiggy's worry about her is her slight blandness. Danielle's photo is not one of Miss J.'s favorites, but he still loves her. Tyra says that she wishes Danielle would put a little more effort into her makeup-free, ashy personal appearance. Furonda is a ghetto diva, according to Roy. Twiggy likes her because she looks different. Miss J. wants to fix her right arm. Jade put her best foot forward, according to Roy. Nigel quite hilariously asks Roy if Jade scares him. Roy says she doesn't. Tyra says that Jade can photograph kind of old. Well, she is kind of old. However, Tyra says that it's almost as if Jade is getting younger before her eyes at Panel. There is totally a photo of a 120-year-old Jade hanging somewhere in Lucifer's living room. Sara photographs beautifully, but looks like a housewife on the runway. She also doesn't know how to use her height. Roy says she's like a linebacker who can't tackle. The judges love Brooke's photo, but worry about what a mess she is. Miss J. says that she's his favorite brokedown model, and wonders if she can be fixed.
The girls return. Joanie is called first. Tyra commends her for taking chances, and for using the whole week of soul modeling to her advantage. Go white girl! Go white girl! Also, take that orange man. Called are Jade, Nnenna (who gets a glare from Brooke), Furonda, Danielle, and Brooke. This leaves Sara and Leslie. Sara is tall, but awkward. One of the judges said to send her back to the mall. Leslie marches to her own drum. She is a beautiful girl and has beautiful pictures, but they don't see a model, and are concerned about her posture and presence. Sara gets the photo, leaving Leslie to go back to Arizona. Leslie is sad. She says she knows that she didn't show them confidence on the runway, and maybe in the back of her mind she didn't even know if she could do it or thought she was good enough. We see her gorgeous portfolio as she fades from the group photo.
week: the girls get the chance to impress an agent who channels the spirit of Janice Dickinson, with an extra layer of meanness. Also, Joanie gets four teeth pulled, including, I'm assuming, the snaggle. That, my friends, is the definition of good times.