In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
For those two of you who were worried when you heard that Tyra fainted, rest your troubled minds. She's a punk, and it was an acting-week fake out. Nnenna is still having problems with her loser boyfriend, with whom Jade recommends she stay. Because Jade is all about the love, and not at all about being a saboteur. The girls learn improv techniques from The Groundlings and Nick Cannon and must compete against one another in several little games, with varying results. Jade quite unsurprisingly takes a nasty turn and insults Furonda's skin. Tough talk from someone who doesn't know what a façade, or a question, is. Furonda keeps her cool, however, and wins the challenge along with a bit part on Veronica Mars. In lieu of the standard photo shoot, the girls must film a Cover Girl commercial in which they improvise their dialogue. You can guess how that goes. Each girl only gets two takes, and then they are S.O.L. Brooke falters under the pressure while Jade thinks that she's the bee's knees, but is actually the bee's anus. Seriously, watch this episode just to see her commercial takes. At judging the girls' commercial efforts are widely mocked, with Jade and the personality-deprived Mollie Sue landing in the bottom two. But much like the vampire she so resembles, Jade cannot die and thus Mollie Sue packs her bags to head back to Boringville. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Nnenna got freaky with a male model in mock Africa, much to the despair of her clingy and skinnily mustached boyfriend. Brooke sucked balls in her photo shoot, while Furonda magically appeared to be not ugly, and consequently ruled. Gina finally confronted Jade, and thus her storyline was over and she was sent home. Nine girls remain!
It is evening at Murderous Mansion. Brooke -- who faced near-elimination at the most recent Panel -- notes that since Gina was in the bottom two one week and eliminated the , Brooke will be gone this week if the pattern holds. Leslie and Sara argue that this isn't true, and Brooke yells, in a frenzied way, "What do I know?" Well, approximately as much as your average fourth-grader, but that's beside the point. She says, "I'm not Tyra," to which I hope she adds, "I mean, my thighs are skinny." Brooke interviews that she was in the bottom two because she has tons of potential but can't take a good photograph. I do like Brooke, I have to say, both for her sweet personality and her unconventional brand of beauty.
In another part of the house, Mollie Sue monotones that, before the judges say anything to her at the Panel, she wants to go, "Let me show you some Mollie." She interviews that she's frustrated because her personality is such a big part of her, but no one's seeing it. Out at the hot tub, Mollie ostensibly proves that she has charisma by saying that she's goofy, makes funny faces, and farts. Well, she never said it was a good personality. In other news, you could really see the final two coming a mile away in this episode, couldn't you?
In yet another part of the house, Nnenna is on the phone. Ugh. I am so sick of this whole freaky boyfriend business. As I have been telling all of my friends recently, just become a lesbian. You're so much better off, and not only because if you date someone around the same size you can double your wardrobe. Nnenna tells her boyfriend John that she was very depressed when she went to sleep the night before (after, presumably, she told him that she smooched a male model during a shoot and John hung up on her). John says that she should think about how depressed he's been the whole time she's been away. Way to be supportive, asshole. Nnenna interviews that John is insecure about certain things because of the incident with the model. I somehow think it goes deeper than that, but okay. John is practically crying on the phone and says, "Don't do this to me, I know something's up." Nnenna -- displaying a notable lack of emotion -- tells John that she doesn't want to argue anymore, and that things have gone far enough. She interviews that she does care about John, but that he's distracting her competitive focus. I'm sorry, but Nnenna does not care for John. Neither do I, though, so I can't fault her for that. Actually, I hate them both. Nnenna sits with Jade and says she's done and that the relationship is over. Jade appears to be surprised. And I just want you to take a moment here and note that Nnenna is hanging out with Jade. The only reasons for this possibly to occur are because (a) Nnenna secretly sucks, and (b) Nobody likes Nnenna, probably because she secretly sucks. I guess it could actually be that no one else is awake or around, too. But keep your eye on Nnenna, is all I'm saying.
Jade confessionalizes that she doesn't have a boyfriend, is free, and has nothing to hold her back. I'm sure that's totally of her own choosing and not because she's utterly unlovable. Jade adds that Nnenna's problems with John are going to hurt her in the end. Cut back to Jade telling Nnenna that she shouldn't break up with John. Snake! There's a reaction shot of Furonda that I'm sure was spliced in from another day, time, and situation, but which is priceless nonetheless. Furonda interviews that Jade is the type of person who, if she finds an easy target, will work that for as much as it is worth. Again...snake! We see clips of Jade encouraging Gina to kiss a cockroach to underscore this point. Furonda notes that a lot of people are not what they seem. A lot of people, you say? Nnenna asks Jade what she should do. What, is Jade fucking Delilah now? Is Nnenna going to call in with a tale of woe and redemption and request that Jade play a song for the love of her life, John, and Jade will play Jim Brickman and Martina McBride's song "Valentine"? (And on a side note, why does Delilah always play that song, and why do I like it so much? Argh.) Jade says that she wouldn't break up with John, but then again, she's not in the relationship, so she doesn't know all its ins and outs. I just got grossed out by the thought of Nnenna and John having sex. Ugh. I bet he gets all sweaty in the moustache and cries afterward. Danielle interviews that Jade knows what she's doing. She adds that Jade's playing the game too much, and that what goes around, comes around. In this case, I sure hope it comes around with great force right in the ass.
It is the day. There is no Tyra Mail. Rather, there is Tyra herself. She asks how everyone's doing, how they're handling the pressure, and what is the hardest part of the competition. Leslie says, "Not knowing what's going to happen ." Tyra starts to ad-lib about the girls being in the final nine, etc. etc. She then scrunches up her nose and shakes her head a little, because that's what Lee Strasberg would have done. She tells the girls that she's been working so hard and is so tired. She puts her head in her hands and says that she doesn't want to seem so weak in front of them, but that she's feeling a little light-headed. The girls look concerned. Someone asks if Tyra wants a drink of water or some pizza. See, if one of the girls had said "ribs," Tyra would have snapped right out of this cruel act. Tyra stands up, says that she's all right, and then drops to the floor like a 180-pound sack of silicone. It would have been the greatest if her wig had flown off right then. The girls rush around her, very worried, and someone suggests taking her pulse. It would have been the second greatest thing if someone had thrown water on her, because then she would have melted and maybe Naomi Campbell would have been her mid-season replacement. Okay, maybe that would actually be the first greatest thing.
But alas, Tyra gets up. At first, she seems weak and shaken, and then she jumps up and screams that today they're going to learn about acting. Instead of looking pleasantly surprised and excited, the girls look like they're a little betrayed and pissed that Tyra is such a punk. It's the same look Season 5's Nicole had when she was in the final two on bogus non-elimination night. Only Jade looks mildly amused, because she, too, is evil. Furonda cries, which makes Tyra feel a little like an jerk, and rightfully so. Furonda interviews that Tyra is too good an actress, and that it was a mean trick that she played. The first part of that statement was both scripted and false. Tyra tells the girls that she played the mean trick because they are going to learn all about acting this week, and must be both convincing and real, (allegedly) like her own breasts. She says that they'll have to be in a commercial and "say the words and be convincing." She fainted to show them how you really have to go for it and commit to a role. To make up for her trick, she gives them cheap pink tank tops that have their names on the front and "I am going to shine" on the back. Jade immediately begins to cross out this slogan and bedazzle, "I am the undiscovered supermodel" on hers. Tyra tells the girls to be good actress-models and make their mama proud. By "mama," she means herself. She flounces off. Nnenna ends the scene by saying, "I'm too gouchable." Either she means "gullible," or I wasn't aware that there was a single word meaning "demonstrating willingness to let oneself be pawed by a stranger dressed in a loincloth."
The girls head to The Groundlings theater, where they meet Jeremy Rowley, improv coach. He tells them that a lot of very successful performers have come from that theater, including Will Ferrell, Lisa Kudrow, Jennifer Coolidge, and the long forgotten Pee-wee Herman. This should be someone's cue that all they have to do for the two hours is say, "I know you are, but what am I," and they will win the challenge. Jeremy says that even Tyra has taken classes at The Groundlings, and has performed on the very stage where he stands as a celebrity guest. Her fabulous sense of humor is one trait that Tyra does indeed share with her idol, Oprah Winfrey. Jade, who is wearing giant white hooker boots, says that she's always wanted to take acting lessons, and that she thinks she was "made for the stage." The girls will have to partake of some improv games, in which Jeremy will help their personalities to shine through. Mollie Sue is excited about this, because she's still convinced that she actually has a personality.
The games begin. Jeremy screams a word which the girls have to act out. First is "terrified." The girls scream and flail around. Then, "Janice Dickinson." Furonda totally falls down and starts writhing around drunkenly on the floor, which is all the evidence you need that she deserves to win this challenge.
is "anger," which all the girls do without too much effort. Jeremy says that a simple exercise such as that will help the girls to commit to the various moods they will have to embody while modeling. He skipped "vacant and vaguely idiotic" because they have that one down already.
, the girls work as a team to create a story. Each has to say one sentence based on the premise that Jeremy gives them. The first premise is "one-night stand." Brooke begins by saying, "Dominique walked in, into the nice warm bedroom." Oooh, a warm bedroom, you say. I might have to excuse myself for a moment, because nothing stirs the loins like talk of a nice warm bedroom. Brooke interviews that improv (which is not "improve," spellcheck, so fuck you) makes her nervous, and that she has a hard time thinking of things when she's put on the spot. Mollie Sue is with the story and adds, "Where she slathered butter all over Lamar." Oh, Dominique and Lamar, those two sex fiends! All I can think of now is Dominique Dawes and LeVar Burton sliding along a buttery Reading Rainbow of lust. Hott. Jeremy tells Mollie Sue that she needs a little more energy.
The theme is, "The princess and her doggie." Jade starts to say something in a bad fake British accent. Soon she'll be calling Jeremy "Antony" at some high-profile award ceremony. Furonda picks up the story in the same British accent and Jade starts to interrupt. Jeremy admonishes Jade for this and says, "Sometimes it's not about you." He knows her so well already! Soon after, Jeremy bids the girls adieu.
Back at home, it's raining. Nnenna is on the phone with freaking John again. Ugh. She tells him that she needs support, and also needs to be well-rested and mentally prepared for the competition. "Wish me luck and get off the fucking phone" is what she means. Sara interviews that John is nothing but drama. He's always crying on the phone and Nnenna always screaming at him. Sara says that it's bringing out a negative side of Nnenna. Nnenna tells John that he's embarrassing her, and then tells him to get up. She then tells John that his crying is annoying her and making her angry as Jade sits on the desk beside her. Nnenna says to John, "I'm only gonna hate you when I get back, I swear to God." Well, then. Perhaps, in this case, Jade will actually be the bearer of tact and compassion. Brooke wryly interviews that Jade is advising Nnenna to stay with her man. Jade then decides to play Cyrano de Berger-ass and actually writes out lines for Nnenna to say to John. Nnenna reads them with the same gusto as Season 5's Nicole on a "My Life as a Cover Girl" spot. "You need to trust me, John. I need you to support me," she says flatly. Jade interviews that love is a distraction. She says that it is a beautiful thing, but that it will kill you. Unless Jade is lucky enough to get to you first. Commercials.
Back at Ravaged Ranch, there is Tyra Mail: "Don't be afraid to wild out!" The day the girls go to the set of Wild 'N Out. I am really pretty white-ish and decidedly old, so I have no idea what this is. A caption introduces us to Nick Cannon, executive producer and creator of MTV's Wild 'N Out. He is also, I gather, a rapper or singer of some sort. He has two buddies/castmates who are there as well. Sara tells us that Wild 'N Out is an improv show in which you have to be funny on the spur of the moment. The girls will have to play a few of the games from the show, and whoever is the funniest will land a role on Veronica Mars. The girls are excited. Mollie Sue says that this challenge is more her style, and that she thinks she can win. Well, I think she can't, and as it happens, I'm right.
The first game is called "Got Props." It is, as you might guess, a game in which the girls have to do something funny with a prop. Danielle pretends to be a model vomiting a slinky. Furonda uses a pool noodle as a thigh master and says she's Suzanne Somers. Mollie Sue uses a giant bike tire as a hoop earring, and both Nick and Danielle say that she's funny. Leslie pretends that she's Cindy Crawford and that a big black lampshade is her mole. Nick cheers.
The game is called "Questions." Basically, two girls are paired up and are given roles such as "TV and Remote" and they have to go keep responding to one another in question form. You know, because the game is called, "Questions." For example, "Why do models have such a hard time playing improv games?" "Could it be that they're just really dumb?" "Hey, is that pie you're eating?" "I know you are, but what am I?" Brooke and Joanie act out the aforementioned TV and remote scenario and do fine. Then it's Jade and Furonda. Jade starts off saying, "I'm sorry you don't have the right qualifications." A helpful buzzer and big red X, along with the caption, "Not a question," indicate what we knew all along: that Jade is even stupider than we previously believed. Nick explains that the game is called, "Questions," and Jade says that she's confused. Joanie, who I love, interviews that Jade just sucks at everything they do. Heh. Nick gives her the helpful hint that if she starts what she's saying with "who," "what," "where," "why," or "when," she'll be good to go. Jade pretends to understand. I think that they should say that they're now going to play a game called "Interrogatives," just to see what happens. Nick patronizingly says that he'll give Jade one that she can figure out and says, "A rich man and a poor man." Jade then shows her crack sense of humor by saying, "My dick is bigger than yours," which is clearly not a question, even though it may be true. Joanie says to her, "You totally just lost," and laughs. Jade interviews that even though the whole thing was supposed to be funny and everyone was laughing, it just wasn't humor to her. She says that she was like, "What? What? What?" which the captions tell us are all, apparently, questions. ANTM is the new Sesame Street. ("I thought I told you to get away from my rubber duckie, you skank bitch!")
up is a rapping hip-hop sort of battle, in which the girls throw down with one another. Danielle starts off by rapping to Nnenna, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm gonna win the title and you look like Boo-Boo." Hey, leave Boo-Boo out of this. Nnenna raps back, "You are a model. I know that. But you can at least learn how to talk." The first lesson is "questions." The second is "rhymes." I mentor a fourth-grader who I love, but who has some problems with the learning, and I was trying to help her to learn her multiplication tables by coming up with little rhymes to go along with each formula, like, "Twelve times two is twenty-four, I don't want to do math anymore." And so I tried to encourage her to come up with some of her own and she was like, "How about...three times two is six...and when Tracie and Maria did multiplication they figured out that three times two equals six and then they had some lunch." And I was like, "Well, good, but that's kind of not exactly a rhyme." That must be how Nick Cannon feels right now.
Mollie Sue is , and raps quite ably to Nnenna, "Your walk is good, you might not fall, but your head is shiny as a big rubber ball."
is Joanie, who's all pimped out in big sunglasses and raps, "Yeah, my name is Joanie, you know what I mean, it's me and this white dude on this here black team. I got a volleyball diva, a hot Latina, and two African Queens." It's cute even though I think she forgot that Sara is Caucasian as well.
And then, just when things seem to be going well, it's Jade's turn. "My name is Jade, the ace of spades. Furonda, my dear, I know your skin is bumpy, but my skin is flawless, and you look really lumpy." You can hear the "Oooooooh" before she even finishes. Seriously, that is rude, and even Nick thinks so. Joanie interviews that nobody else went there or, for example, said, "Yo Jade, you look like an eighty-five-year-old woman." Or, perhaps, "Jade, Jade, eat a grenade, your welcome you have overstayed. Excuse me if I'm being blunt...[insert your own rhyme here]." Meanwhile, Jade isn't done yet. She raps to Sara, "You're blonde, you're too tall for this industry." And then some other nonsense that I can't really understand but I'm sure is stupid and definitely does not rhyme with "industry." Leslie interviews that Jade was doing worse than everyone, which was quite possibly a bruise to her ego, and Joanie adds that Jade tries to make others feel bad so that she can bring herself up. Sara then is kind of the greatest as she raps, "I think I'm going to puke in a bottle if I hear one more thing about Jade, The Undiscovered Supermodel." Jade looks pissed and says, "That didn't rhyme." Ha!
Danielle encourages Brooke to go up, but Brooke says she's shy, and then says, "I don't know how to rhyme, I can't do it." Oh, Brooke. At least she admits it.
Furonda then throws down with one of the cast members, and gets him good saying something about an "S-curl." I did some research and found out that S-Curl is this. Is it racist to say that there is something intrinsically funny about black hair products? Because if so, Furonda is racist.
Nick gives the girls a critique. Furonda was sharp and quick. Brooke was non-existent. Jade didn't listen. She interviews that she needed more direction, because nothing is her fault. Nick says that Mollie Sue has a huge personality, but that he wanted to see more. Interesting, interesting. Sara can put it on instantly. Leslie went hard. Joanie had fun with it. Danielle keeps it real. Nnenna's accent and smile are naturally funny. Jade says that she was surprised, because Nnenna kept her focus even with all the boyfriend drama. I feel like "much to her chagrin" should be added between "that" and "she" in the sentence, even though I don't really have any proof. And the winner is...Furonda! Yay! Furonda has forced me to love her. She's really smart and funny and kind of awesome. I mean, it could be that my standards have just really lowered after three seasons of recapping this show, too. In addition to the Veronica Mars role, Furonda gets a bonus prize and gets to pick one friend to share it with. Jade volunteers and Furonda is all, "Uh, no." She picks Nnenna. Nick says that Furonda and Nnenna get to film a nationwide PSA, which Furonda knows is a public service announcement. Even the Wild 'N Out guys are impressed that she knows what the acronym means. Of course, they've just spent an hour listening to not-that-pretty models rhyme "cracker" with "fuzzy navels," so their standards might be lowered, too. Furonda interviews that she wants to use her "supermodel status and fame" to make people take notice of what's going on in the world. Good luck with that, then.
In the car on the way home, Mollie Sue, Sara, and Joanie discuss what an evil whore Jade is. Joanie once again comes up with the best line, saying, "She sure as hell doesn't act like she's almost thirty." I am simultaneously delighted and, as someone who is quite a bit past being almost thirty, insulted.
Back at the house, Jade and Furonda talk. Jade once again goes on about how people think she's a bitch "when they first meet" her, but that she's one of the "realest individuals" out there. Furonda asks why, if Jade is so real and nice, she'd go so far in the rapping game. Jade counters by saying that Furonda keeps going off on the topic of "nicenessness," but that it's not about that. Furonda can hardly take Jade seriously. She says that Jade puts on a façade, and Jade interrupts her to say, "Façazz? What the hell is a façazz?" And no, gentle readers, she wasn't just questioning Furonda's pronunciation. She actually just doesn't know what a façade is. Furonda says, "façade." And Jade says, "Façazz?" And Furonda says, "Fa-çaDe." And Jade says, "Façade?" She is so dumb. Jade says that her life story is such that she should write a book about it, and that when she does, Furonda should read it. I hope that when Jade is personally signing Furonda's copy of The Façazz: Recognize, at least one of them is wearing some freaking pants.
Meanwhile, fucking Nnenna and John are talking on the phone again. It's the same old boring shit. The other girls, however, are starting to get annoyed because Nnenna is monopolizing the phone. Brooke says that Nnenna is perceived as being nice and sweet, but that she's not. Interesting, interesting. Joanie says that she might be extremely book-smart, but has no common sense smarts. John yells at Nnenna that she's ruined her chance, amongst some other nasty stuff. Ugh, shut up. I hate this storyline.
On what appears to be the day, Nnenna and Furonda get to shoot their PSA, which is for HIV awareness. All the girls go to meet a woman named Marvelyn Brown, who works for Nashville Cares and is HIV-positive. She says that people look up to models, and so the girls can really do something with their fame, such as it is. The PSA will air on UPN nationally, and be posted on the UPN website. Furonda and Nnenna film the PSA, and Furonda really appreciates the opportunity to do so. It's pretty good, despite the cheesy shots of them in silhouette. Go to KnowHIVAIDS.org to find a testing site in your community!
Meanwhile, in her "My Life as a Cover Girl," Nicole gets to go to some handbag party where she hangs out with Molly Sims and Debra Messing. Oh, Debra Messing, how you have fallen! Okay, the truth is that you always kind of sucked; it just took me a while to realize it because your pretty red hair was so distracting.
When we return, Furonda is shooting her guest spot onVeronica Mars. She is excited about her role as Beverly, an admin assistant to Woody. She walks with Steve Guttenberg, who gives her the handy advice to wipe any crumbs from her mouth after she's eaten. Furonda says that The Groundlings workshop helped her, because she committed to her role. I don't know how she would have wielded that letter opener without their training! She's appreciative of the experience, and says that while she doesn't want to name names, she's sure that there are some girls in the house who are jealous.
Speaking of the house, there is Tyra Mail, which Jade calls "Tyra Mizzle." She's such a loser. Maybe she should hook up with John. The mail reads, "A model's life is very busy. Can you cram a whole party into thirty seconds?" Jade can cram a whole party up her ass.
The girls go to a gorgeous mansion in the hills where they meet Jay Manuel. He notes that improv skills are very important for a model, and that they will be doing a commercial for Cover Girl in which their lines will be totally improvised. Brooke is very nervous. Mike Rosenthal is the commercial director. The girls get made up and dressed. Their wardrobe stylist is Charlie Altuna. I almost didn't recognize him without the thick black glasses and snazzy cap! That name also makes me think of a tuna-flavored Altoid, which is like Miss Itty's candy dream (and, given the state of her breath, something that she has apparently found a way of purchasing). The girls have to land two lines in their commercial amongst the improvisation (one of which is, of course, "Easy, breezy, beautiful, Cover Girl), and they'll each only get two takes. Jade thinks that this is a great opportunity for her, because she is delusional.
The girls have to walk up a set of stairs, amongst some partygoers, and around a pool (all the while improvising) before landing the two lines at the end of their thirty-second spot. Sara is first. She grabs a drink and improvs, "When you're out on the town, don't be a wallflower. Make sure you put your best face forward." She's really good and nails the lines at the end. Her downfall, however, is that she held the product out of frame while at the same time holding a delicious-looking frosty beverage. Cover Girls apparently don't drink, because they prefer sitting around and being boring and sniffing cupcake-scented things. I say, give me the frosty beverage and Cover Girl be damned!
Furonda is , and talks again about commitment. She says that parties are unpredictable, but that your makeup doesn't have to be. Her lines at the end are a little too flouncy and fake, but overall she did pretty well and knows it.
is Joanie, who also didn't get the memo about taking a frosty beverage. Her lines are a riot. As she walks up the stairs, she says, "I love coming to Los Angeles. I love entertaining my friends." She stops amongst some revelers and asks, "You guys gonna be here all night? Sweet." HA! Jay is all, "WTF?" Joanie admits that she made a fool out of herself, but is able to laugh about it. She looks gorgeous, too.
Leslie is . She looks amazing, but is a really fast talker, which makes her sound crazy. Jay says that she sounds like the guy who reads the warning at the end of a pharmaceutical commercial. He tells her not to sell him the side effects, because he gets those for free with his monthly refill of Valtrex.
is Mollie Sue, who wants to blow everyone away. She doesn't. Her delivery isn't engaging, and she messes up her lines at the end. In an interview, she cries about it and says that she has to win the competition. I thought we were going to get some sort of deep dark secret revealed here, like she has the same human form of Mad Cow Disease that plagued the crazy opera singer on the latest Law and Order: Criminal Intent and that it made her actually kill Jade and that she needs the money for bail, but alas, she just wants to win for the normal reasons.
Danielle is and doesn't look quite as gorgeous as she normally does. She comes out with the killer line, "Every woman is looking for a spot of perfection. So why not start with that perfection...on your face?" Yeah, that's what he said. She also forgets her lines at the end. She tells Jay that she's tripping, and can't believe that she forgot the "Easy breezy" bit. Her second take is a bit better, but she holds the product in a funny way.
Nnenna is , and she totally works it out. She says, "Ladies. Whatever your ages, for all occasions, Cover Girl makeup is the way to go." Jay gives her praise. She rushes backstage to tell everyone how great she did, and they, having not done well, don't want to hear it and probably thinks she's kind of obnoxious for doing so. Nnenna interviews that she doesn't ask the other girls what they think of her, because she doesn't care to know.
Brooke is , and is having a mini-panic attack. Her heart is racing and she starts to cry, because she's feeling the pressure. She starts off her commercial by saying, "Oh gosh." And then, "I just love wearing Cover Girl. It's just so nice to wear!" As nice as a nice, warm bedroom. She totally forgets the lines at the end. Brooke thinks she's going home. When she goes backstage, someone tries to make her talk about her performance, and she says a few times that she doesn't want to talk about it. Jade interviews that Brooke is "sentimental." Jade has taken the English language hostage, which means she'll be right at home on the forums. Don't make me give you a note about using standard punctuation, bitch!
And now, Jade's turn. She says that she has personality, style and class and, of course, is real. Her first take is a freaking riot. Tango music plays in the background as Jade prances around dramatically without saying a word. Jay says that Jade didn't quite get the point that she was supposed to improvise words and not just flamboyant hand gestures. She has no clue. On the second take, she tells some extras that they look fabulous, and then acts surprised to find a party when she gets to the top of the stairs. She does a turn and holds her skirt out. Jay whispers that she's a drag queen. She totally is, too. She forgets her lines at the end, and then drops an f-bomb, which is a seriously bad move. She says that she'd have aced the commercial if she had only one more take and some more direction. That bitch is so crazy, I don't even know what to say anymore.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone will be eliminated. I both want it to be Jade and don't want it to be Jade. She's such a freak that it would be a pity to lose her, but she also needs to come up with some new material. Mollie Sue says that with the group that they're down to now, any one of them can win. Well, I don't know about that. Sara says that everyone is concerned about their commercials. In the hot tub, Brooke says that she expects to be sent home because she's not "strong enough." She uses finger quotes on "strong enough." Mollie Sue says that she thinks Jade should be the most nervous on account of the f-bomb she dropped during the commercial. Jade interviews that she has what it takes to be America's Top Model. She gets in the hot tub and everyone else leaves because Jade has cooties. Commercials.
I will never admit to wanting to see Take the Lead. Never!
We are at Panel. As the girls enter, Tyra mock-faints again. Everyone is like, "Ha. Ha." Tyra apologizes to Furonda for putting her through the fainting scare earlier in the episode, but secretly she's still beaming about the fact that someone thinks she can act. There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J. has Mamie Eisenhower bangs and looks insane. Michael Rosenthal is the guest judge.
Mollie Sue is first for evaluation. Nigel says that it wasn't a model's performance, and that there was no passion in her eyes. Tyra says that she was a little scary, almost like she was selling mace. "Easy, breezy....Aaaaaaaaugh! My eyes!"
Danielle is , and at the beginning of her commercial, she takes a sip of a drink and puts it back on the tray. Tyra says that Danielle needs to lose the accent, and Danielle says that she'll work on it.
Twiggy tells Furonda that her performance at the end was a bit over-the-top. Tyra agrees, and tells Furonda to relax her eyebrows, but says that, other than that, she did a really good job. She announces that Furonda won the challenge for the week.
Brooke's commercial is pretty bad, as expected. When she forgets the lines at the end, we get a reaction shot of the others, and Nnenna and Joanie are cracking up. Hey, that's not nice! Tyra says that Brooke was babbling, and Nigel notes that she got stage fright. She explains that she was so worried about her improv skills that she froze at the end. Twiggy sympathizes and says that when she first started out, she was really, really shy. Tyra, having no respect either for her elders or her youngers, says that it's not about being shy, it's about stage fright. In Tyra's case, it's about love of Crisco.
Nnenna is , and Nigel says that she was taking no prisoners. Tyra says that it reminds her of a real commercial, but Nigel says that she could have been more graceful.
Joanie's commercial is hilarious. She ends it with "Cover Girl gives me confidence...to go out...and make it through the day." Miss J. and Twiggy crack up. Nigel tells Joanie that she needs to realize where she is and have some element of sophistication.
, Leslie, who has the fast talking problem but gets raves from the judges for being so freaking hot. They tell her that she needs to bring that hotness to Panel, because they don't see it in person.
Sara is , and gets flak for the drink, though Tyra says that she did look like a Cover Girl, and had a strong start.
Nigel laughs at Jade's commercial. Jade turns to the panel and says that they chose her worst take, because in the other one she did her lines perfectly even though her improvisation wasn't good. Tyra asks who doesn't think that their chosen take was the best one. A few girls raise their hands. Tyra and Nigel say that it happens to everyone, and that you'll never be 100% happy with your selected shots as a model. She tells Jade that she was pushing too hard in the commercial, and that it was very drag-ish.
The judges deliberate. Joanie looks amazing and has great stage presence, but she doesn't understand why she's there, according to Nigel. The camera loves Leslie. Jade has a model's bone structure, and a drag queen's mannerisms. Michael says for the record that he didn't think either of her takes was any good. Nigel says that Mollie Sue is really smart, but that she's not a model. Twiggy thinks she's like a TV presenter. Miss J. says that there's still hope for Mollie Sue, even though she bores him, like a certain other contestant. Tyra asks who, and Miss J. says that Nnenna is the other boring non-entity. Tyra notes that Nnenna kind of seems like she wants to come and punch everybody on the panel lately. Nigel says that Sara is a dwarf stuck inside a giant's body, because she doesn't have presence. Danielle needs a bit of refinement and to lose the accent. Furonda, according to Nigel, has no bust and is perhaps too skinny. Tyra says that Furonda shocked her in the commercial because she's articulate, moves well, and has a great personality. Brooke is fragile and shy. Miss J. says that she looks like a trout, but he loves her. Nigel snarks that if this were America's Top Trout, Brooke would be a keeper.
The girls return. The following girls are still in the running: Furonda, Sara, Leslie, Danielle, Nnenna, Joanie, and Brooke. Will Mollie Sue and Jade please step forward? Tyra has only one photo, and a weird aqua blouse with a bow at the neck. Mollie Sue has a lack of persona and appears to be robotic. Jade plays the blame game and turns off the judges with her know-it-all attitude. But alas, Mollie Sue goes home. She cries and cries. Jade gives her a big hug and also cries. Tyra tells Jade that she doesn't know it all, and that she might take a hint from the fact that she's tried to model for so long and hasn't been very successful. Damn, Tyra! Jade needs to listen and learn, and also to continue to be a crazy yet entertaining beeyotch.
Mollie Sue is incensed that Jade is staying and she isn't. She has a point. She didn't see it coming at all. She never thought that she'd leave for lack of personality. She thinks that she's been getting better, and thought that she had a chance to win the competition. Wrong again, M.S.!
: the girls twirl around and maybe fall again. In a hip-hop photo shoot, Jade gets freaky. And Brooke calls Nnenna a fucking bitch! I can't wait!