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Holy shit, y'all. Janice, with the help of Season 5 contestant Lisa (who isn't allowed a speaking part), gives the girls a lesson in editorial versus commercial posing. And then she gets wasted at dinner with them, forces Gina to tell her which of the others is giving her problems, and then screams at Gina when she does. The phrases "zip it" and "you're dead to me" feature prominently. The lesson we learned today is never to rat out our bitches. Live it, learn it, love it. Emboldened by the verbal abuse she suffered, Gina finally stands up to Jade. It is climactic and anti-climactic all at once. Several minutes are spent on the girls eating delicious Special K cereal. The girls must pose commercially for a Sears catalogue in a way that encompasses the moods of the four seasons. Nnenna is once again victorious and wins an entire Sears wardrobe, and perhaps a new set of tires. And speaking of Nnenna, her boyfriend decides to hit her up with some heavy questions about her intentions toward him. He not only speaks of himself in the third person, but actually also refers to himself "this man." Dump the loser. Tyra asks the girls what their future professional goals are (other than modeling). Brooke says that she wants to be a "nurse necessitist." I think that illsnesses are the real nurse necessitists. These professional goals provide a loose "theme" for their shoot, and the shirtless male models that are thrown in provide a realistic look at what it's like to be a professional woman in the twenty-first century. Nnenna gets a little freaky with her male model, which causes even more problems in her already volatile relationship. In the end, Brooke and Gina are on the chopping block. Gina gets chopped, and thus will have to gnaw her way to the top on her own. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: the girls did their little dance on the catwalk, if by "did their little dance" you mean "fell a lot." Their runway challenge included giant cockroaches, natch, and Jade encouraged Gina's already inevitable freak-out. And it was beauty before bicuspids as Gina somehow outlasted the eliminated Kari. Ten girls remain! And boy, do they have a rough week ahead.
It is night at the House of Whore-ors. Jade says it feels like somebody died. That's because somebody did die, oh so many years ago, perhaps on the very soil where you stand! And if we're lucky, you might be . No, that's mean. I'll settle for a vile case of hemorrhoids. Gina tells us that she was in the bottom two at the last judging, and was in utter shock that she wasn't eliminated. You and me and everyone with the gift of sight, lady. Gina says she knows that she can rock the competition, but that she's getting distracted by all of the hullabaloo with Jade. Cut to a shot of Jade telling Gina she has no sense of self. Gina says that Jade is mean and, more specifically, mean to Gina. Cut to a shot of Jade encouraging an obviously cockroach-phobic Gina to kiss a cockroach. There really is plenty of evidence to back up the "Jade's an evil skank" line of thinking, isn't there? Gina admits that her troubles with Jade are hindering her performance.
Brooke talks to Leslie and says that she's had bad pictures. Brooke interviews that, because she's being judged, she puts a lot of pressure on herself. She knows that she can be sent home for any little mistake. How about for the mistake of her parents unwisely mixing their DNA? Also, I wish they'd let Leslie talk once in a while.
Nnenna talks to her boyfriend, John, on the phone. She tells him that she loves him. In an interview, she says that he is missing her. We cut to a home video of John, and see why Nnenna does not reciprocate that sentiment. As several forum posters have said, he totally does give off a creepy Kevin Federline vibe. That is never a good thing. And did I mention he has a moustache? He is not rocking the 'stache. Really, who rocks the stache except Tom Selleck? And maybe a young Burt Reynolds. John tells Nnenna that he's scared because he doesn't know what she's been up to. He ends that statement with "honey," as if to trick us all into saying, "Wow, he really cares about her," instead of "What the fuck?" Nnenna tries to get off the phone, but John quickly asks if she's been flirting with other guys. Nnenna interviews that her gut tells her that John might be a little too controlling. I'm surprised she didn't realize that when he made her precisely line up all the can labels.
Danielle tells us that her pinky toe is swollen from last week's trip during the challenge at Panel. We see the toe, and it does indeed look swollen. She says that her ankle hurt when she fell, but now it's okay. She says she has a very high tolerance for pain, which may explain why she's able to hang out with Jade so much. Ever the trooper, Danielle says that she'll be fine tomorrow.
Tyra Mail! "What's your favorite position?" Does Pole Position count?
The morning, the girls head off to the Highland Hall Cultural Center. When they enter, they see artists sketching a mysterious woman in a trench coat and hat, her back turned to them. Carmen Sandiego, found at last. Furonda interviews that she thought it might be a man. Well, close enough. "Good God, y'all," says the figure as she turns around, and we discover that it is Janice Dickinson, photographer/supermodel. Yay, I say, having no knowledge of what's in store. Oy, I say in retrospect. Janice is there to give a posing class, and will be teaching the girls the distinction between commercial and editorial poses. Playing the role of Janice's sidekick is none other than Season 5's Lisa D'Amato, who is best known for peeing in a diaper and talking to plants. These two are like the Siskel and Ebert of crazy bitches. Lisa is wearing an outfit that I'm sure I've seen on her in the past. It's a black vest over a wifebeater with a short plaid skirt. Oh, and I almost forgot the stupid hat. Janice says that Lisa knows how to pose, and we get some "proof" in the form of shots from last season. Janice looks like she always looks, which is to say like a well-appointed drag-queen version of herself. (See Parton, Dolly.)
Janice tells the girls that the key elements for editorial posing are "long, luscious, lovely." Commercial posing, on the other hand, should be, "happy, perky, skippy." I didn't know that Skippy had time for commercial modeling, given his excessive lusting after Mallory. Brooke interviews that she really didn't understand Janice's posing advice. Janice says that Lisa will model the posing direction she gives, but really Janice just kind of does it all her self. It would have been more effective if Janice had come with a ventriloquist dummy that looked exactly like her and was named "L'il Jan." Then we could all marvel at how L'il Jan gave the girls excellent posing instruction while Janice was busy guzzling a fifth of bourbon. Janice explains that the most basic model technique is called "wadding," and involves standing with legs apart and hands loosely together right around your private bits. Another good stock pose is looking at your watch or pretending that you're calling a cab and loving it. Janice gives a big "Ha ha ha!" laugh as she is posing, which makes Danielle totally crack up. In commercial modeling, says Janice, it is really important to keep up the energy and the "Ha ha ha!"-ing. "HA HA HA" says L'il Jan as her wood teeth clack together.
Jade interrupts to ask if today's lesson is only about commercial looks, and Janice just answers, "No," while, to throw us off, L'il Jan drinks a glass of water. Oh, and in case you hadn't inferred this, Lisa is just kind of hanging around and being useless. Janice says that editorial posing is mostly about "wearing a feeling." It's the feeling that the photographer gives you, the client gives you, the editor gives you on any given day. You know, Janice was so coked up in her heyday that I bet some of the photographers, clients, and editors she worked with even gave her a feeling in the ass from time to time. Janice tells the girls to find the light, and says she's always craning towards the light and trying to be more fabulous than anyone else. With this, she wraps her hands around Lisa's face. Given what goes down later on in the episode, I think it's fair to say that Lisa should be thankful there wasn't a pillow or some wire hangers nearby.
Furonda asks how long they should hold each pose when being photographed. Janice says that it's primarily about "feeling it," and that they need to give the photographer enough time to take the picture. Brooke doesn't understand what "finding the light with your face" means. Janice says it's about knowing your best angles. She interviews that Brooke showed up looking like she just rolled out of bed, which is totally true. Janice is so convincingly disgusted that it makes me a little disgusted, too. Gina starts off by saying, "I can't give a convincing photograph." Janice immediately mocks what she just said, and then says, "I don't want to hear the thing out of your mouth, but go ahead." The way she says it is so funny, even if it's mean. See, there's a difference between being funny-mean and mean-mean, but we'll get to that in a minute. Gina says that she always gives a blank stare. Janice asks her to smile and laugh out loud. Gina does, but not so successfully. Janice orders her to go behind the other girls and jump up and down on one foot while hysterically laughing. Gina kind of twitters about it for a while, but eventually realizes that when Janice says something, it's better to just do it and not risk her whacking you with her purse and then having all her pills spill out. Gina hops and laughs. Jade interviews that Gina is clueless, and that she has lost her damn mind. For once, I am kind of with Jade. Gina interviews that she felt stupid, and that Jade was loving every minute of it. Danielle says that she knew Janice was going to get Gina, and that she had to stop looking because it was painful to watch. Janice keeps berating Gina and making her hop. She says to Gina, "Even if you think you're making a total fool out of yourself...it's a lesson." It's a lesson not to trust Janice, ever. And that, my friends, is a lesson Gina did not heed. Janice says that Gina does not possess the ability to laugh at herself, and that she has a problem feeling comfortable and confident enough to make any pose stick. Well, way to build her confidence, then. Janice tells the girls to remember who they are and be confident and fabulous. It sounds so nice, but that's because Janice is still sober.
Later that night, the girls go out to dinner. And who joins them but Miss Janice Dickinson yet again. She looks gorgeous. The girls are excited. At first. Janice makes the girls tap a little beat for her on the table as she dances around. She tries to goad Gina into having fun. She tells the girls that they're just going to kick back and have fun. Jade slaps Janice's ass. She interviews that Janice is awesome, and that the two of them click because they are on the same level. Batshit crazy and proud of it.
Janice asks the girls what's really going on back at the house. She calls Gina over to sit to her, and says that she wants Gina to tell her who in the house is giving her shit, and that she will kick that girl's ass. Gina says, "Do I have to?" and Janice says, "Yes, tell me who's giving you shit." Gina points at Jade. Okay, I will say that, upon second viewing, it is plain that Gina really didn't need much encouragement to spill these particular beans. She totally wants Janice to do her dirty work and go apeshit on Jade. Boy, did that plan backfire. Janice just looks at Jade and goes, "YO!" It was this "YO" that really confirmed for me the sad fact that Janice is wasted. Like, I think she's crazy enough as it is, but there's something special her booze-soaked brand of crazy. It's Surreal Life crazy. Jade repeatedly asks, "Are you serious?," and then asks Gina what she's supposed to do now. Janice -- perhaps thinking that the voice she just heard is coming from Gina's ventriloquist doll, L'il Geens -- says, "First of all, you can get your ass off and go over there. You can go away." She says this to Gina. Everyone gets all quiet and nervous. Some poor waiter has to be witness to all of this, too. Janice probably pulled out a pocketful of nickels to leave for his tip. Janice tells Gina, "Rule #1: We never rat out our bitches." This makes me long for Janice to write a Furonda-style list of house rules. "Rule #2: Never mix the little pills with Jack Daniels unless you are feeling really, really tired and/or have an Epipen on hand. Rule #3: I fucked Jon Lovitz, for Chrissakes! Drugs are bad! Rule #4: Who pooped in my shoes? Rule #5: Oh, never mind. Maybe it was me." Gina tries to explain herself, but Janice yells, "ZIP IT!" Gina attempts to speak once again, and Janice -- a master of the last word -- simply screams, "ZIP IT, BITCH, ZIP IT. YOU'RE DEAD IN MY BOOK." Man, I wish I had been in that room. Soon afterward, Janice exits with a "Holla!" She most likely went on to finish off her evening by biting the cheeks off a fluffy orange kitten. Jade interviews that, with Janice, you need to be prepared for anything. Janice hates the weak.
On the way home, Gina bawls. She says that Jade loved every minute of her smackdown. Oh, a part of me did, too. The little evil part, but still. Danielle says that Jade has picked on Gina from day one. Gina didn't want to rat out Jade, but she didn't know what else to do. Danielle says that Gina let Jade get in her head, and now Jade is stuck there, just like with the conjoined fetus lady.
Back at home, Nnenna counsels Gina to stand up to Jade. Nnenna asks what Gina is scared of: "What is Jade gonna do? She gonna spank you?" Nnenna tells Gina to look confident so that she's not such an easy target. Gina takes a shower. When she gets out, who is sitting on her bed but Jade. Gina, dude, we know that you're not going to win a battle of words so just bite her and get it over with. Commercials.
When we return, Jade tells Nnenna that Gina has it twisted. Gina, who has just exited the shower, is wearing a towel and fumbling with her underwear. She is sopping wet. She interviews that she is really not in the mood. Jade, who is wearing a bra of sorts, says that she didn't appreciate what happened at dinner. Gina starts to say that she doesn't want to talk about it, but Jade insists. Gina then grows, like, a quarter of a ball and asks if Jade is really shocked that Gina called her out. Jade says that she is shocked and must say something about the others being shocked, because Gina intimates that no one was shocked. She interviews that she really needed to stand up for herself. Jade says something to Gina about trying to make peace, and Gina says that the two of them will never make peace. She then says that, while Jade says she's sorry for Gina, it is Gina who is sorry for Jade, because Jade doesn't understand anything. Gina says that Jade thinks she's getting under Gina's skin and intimidating her, but that's not the case. Well, actually it is the case. Gina says, "You can say whatever the hell you want, Jade. I'm done with you." It doesn't have quite the ring of "Zip it bitch, you're dead in my book," but it's not bad for a beginner. Nnenna is glad that Gina stood up to Jade, and so is Gina.
Tyra Mail! "Ready for a change of scenery?" The girls jump up and down, even though they have no idea what it really means.
The morning, there is Special K for everyone. There is so much Special K, and at such prominent angles to the camera, that I am now aware you can win free jeans by eating Special K. Wouldn't it be awesome if there were a type of rat poison called "Species K" that came in a box of the exact size with an eerily similar logo and Furonda accidentally grabbed that instead of the cereal? Really, it's the only way that the episode could complete the course that Janice so carefully set for it.
The girls arrive at a warehouse, where they meet male model Lawrence Zarian. What the fuck does he have to do with anything? I hate him, though I will venture to say that I find his website quite hilarious. He tells the girls that they'll be tested on their ability to pose in a commercial manner by doing a shoot for Sears. He notes that, behind him, there are sets indicative of four different seasons. He helpfully and slowly tells us that those seasons are spring, summer, fall, and winter. Ahh, I always forget what that last one is! There are hair, makeup, and wardrobe stations. The girls will each be tested on how they do their own hair, makeup, and wardrobe, as well as how successfully they pose for each season. He introduces them to photographer Russell Baer, who looks like he just came off of the set of Maury, where he was simultaneously chastised for wearing out his welcome as a houseguest and forced to take a DNA test to see if he fathered his girlfriend's cousin's baby. Maury Povich is all about the DNA testing. Russell tells the girls that time is money, and that the girls will have to direct themselves.
Jade is first. She dresses and poses for spring, then summer, etc., etc. Lawrence tells her to hurry up. Jade says that she just had fun with the seasons and feels great. "I'm Jade, man! Look at me!" she says. Her photos are pretty good, I have to say.
Mollie Sue is , and says that the clothing from Sears is new, exciting, and bright. And also, from Sears, which might override her first point. Her photos are okay.
Sara does the Janice laugh. Russell says that she has the whole package.
Leslie is and is so pretty that I wish we'd get more frequent reminders that she's on the show.
Brooke tries to do the Janice laugh. She says that she's not so comfortable with the laughing and the smiling. Lawrence says that he'd really hoped that Brooke would nail it, but that her inexperience surfaced in the form of her face and body not matching together. I have no idea what that means.
Danielle heroically overcomes her gimpy pinky toe and does a fine job.
Lawrence says that, at first he was put off by Nnenna because she was so quiet. Nnenna tells us that she might seem quiet, but that it's because she's focusing on the task at hand. Lawrence helpfully explains that although Nnenna is a quiet person, she comes alive in pictures and is very inviting.
Furonda is , and she looks crazy in her pictures. I enjoy Furonda and all, but every so often I just get a good look at her face and have a real moment of clarity about this whole situation.
Joanie is , and her "spring" pose makes her look exactly like Max Headroom.
Poor Gina is . She interviews that she hopes she won't let Jade get to her anymore and ruin her concentration in the competition. Cut to Jade snickering about how cheesy Gina looks. Joanie snickers along behind her hand, artfully hiding her snaggletooth. Gina really does look like a hot mess as she kicks over some props. Russell says that if Gina can get her poses down, she'll be a really strong contender. They obviously just put that in there to throw us off. Nice try, though. I will say that Gina's shots are actually pretty good.
Lawrence and Russell lie to the girls that each of them has a great gift, and that they saw potential in all of them. The one girl, however, who had a homerun on every single shot was Nnenna. Of course. Danielle says that she's not worried about Nnenna winning all the challenges, on account of how Nnenna's a "cool female": "Just give me America's Top Model and I'll be okay." Foreshadowing, perhaps? I actually have to say that I didn't think all of Nnenna's shots were that great. But then again, neither is the prize: she gets to keep all of the clothes from the shoot. Tens of dollars worth of fashions! Nnenna is excited, mostly because she did well.
Back at Headless House, Nnenna is on the phone again with her boyfriend loser. He asks if she understands how miserable he is not getting to talk to her. Nnenna answers, "You're getting to talk to me right now." Point: Nnenna. She is so not into him. John says that he doesn't get to talk to her, he gets to hear from her. Or, more accurately, hear himself talking at her when she calls. Nnenna interviews that she didn't realize quite how attached John was to her. John is like those stuffed koala bears with Velcro on their paws. He is that attached. He then busts out this gem: "Nnenna, I asked you, what are your intentions...with me, this man?" It is all helpfully captioned to underscore what a weenie he is. Do you understand what is now being said by me...this recapper? Who refers to himself in that way? Nnenna says that she doesn't know what her intentions are, which just sets John off even further. Nnenna tells John that he's making it worse. She interviews that she's trying to become America's Top Model and needs John to back off. She tells him that they can have this conversation when she gets home. He tries to get another word in, but Nnenna is all, "Screw this noise," and hangs up on him. She pulls her silk robe tighter around herself and walks off as we head toward commercials and John stabs himself in the leg with a plastic fork and thinks how bad Nnenna will feel when she gets the call from the hospital.
Meanwhile, Nicole's Life As A Cover Girl gets ever more exciting as she has an interview with Star magazine. Jeane Dixon predicts, "Nicole will suffer a tragic head injury when a cue card, angry at its mistreatment, flings itself at her violently." The sad part is that when Tyra puts the Stepford Nicole robot in her place, we won't even know the difference.
The girls lounge in bed. Brooke says she thinks she did the worst in the challenge. She interviews that it's important for her to do well in this week's photo shoot, since she hasn't done well in the past. Mollie Sue feels the same way.
Tyra Mail! "At ten years old, you said, 'When I grow up, I want to be a model.' I hope you're not still saying that when you're my age." No, when they're Tyra's age, they'll be spouting some nonsense about "dead eyes" and "looking fierce" and "I have only one photo in my hands." Everyone is characteristically befuddled. Leslie gets to interview something non-important, which at least gives me a little chance to reflect on how foxy she is.
The girls head to CBS Studios and are escorted to the green room of The Tyra Banks Show, which is actually blue. My friend Nadia works for The Tony Danza Show, and I once hung out in the green room there. Patrick Swayze was the main guest that day, and his face looked like it was melting off. Other than that, the whole experience wasn't too eventful. The girls applaud as Tyra greets them backstage. She says that they are actually in her dressing room. I know she's put on a few pounds, but I don't think she needs that much space to get dressed. Tyra says that, from the age of fifteen or sixteen, she dedicated herself to modeling, but that she always knew it was a temporary career. She says that she wants to raise strong women as well as strong models, and asks the girls what their future goals are.
Danielle says that when she was a little girl she always wanted to be a singer. Even though she can't sing at all. I don't think the assignment was "Name a fantasy career"; otherwise Tyra would have said "singer," too. Furonda says that she wants to be a human-rights attorney, because it's the human-rights attorneys who get to wear the cool fluffy tiaras. Leslie wants to go into criminal justice. Mollie Sue wants to remain in the fashion industry, even if that means working in hair or makeup. Gina is interested in fashion design. Joanie -- fighting against type by naming neither "stripper" nor "orthodontist" as her future career -- says she thinks that being a mother is an important job. Tyra reminds us that it's all about her by saying that she's wanted children for so long, but feels that she has to be at a more settled place in her life before doing so. If she wants to wait until she's through exploiting the dumb and interviewing pedophiles and such, I really can't find fault with that. Jade wastes no time jumping in and saying how much she loves kids and that she wants to be a kindergarten teacher. Jade possesses such a distinct flavor of evil that I really thought her choice would be "recapper." ["Uhhhhh...she can be on Sars's team?" -- Wing Chun] Danielle interviews that it's so random to hear Jade say that she wants to be a teacher, and adds that she would home-school her child before sending her to Jade's class. Well done, Danielle. Sara says that she would like to be a prosecutor. Nnenna has a degree in Chemistry and would like to do drug research in Africa. And then there's Brooke, who says, "I want to be a nurse necessitist?" Just like that, "nurse necessitist, question mark," does Brooke name her totally authentic dream career. Tyra very slowly asks, "Meaning, 'anesthetist'?" and then explains that this means Brooke wants to put people under. If you mean "put people under an IQ of 100," Brooke already has a leg up.
Tyra then tells the girls that when she was eighteen or nineteen, she did an interview in Milan, in which she said that she was going to retire from modeling at twenty-three or twenty-four and have her own talk show. She says that she did make the talk-show dream come true because she always kept her mind on it. Even, I guess, when she was shaking her body (body). Keep the dream alive, children!
The girls drive to another location, where they meet Jay Manuel, who tells them that they'll be acting out their dream jobs in an editorial fashion shoot. This is code for "We don't know what actual 'work' looks like, so we'll just whore you up and stick a pen in your hand. Does that sound right?" Thomas Klementsson is the photographer. He wears a leather jacket and a beret-like skullcap that is also known as the French yarmulke. Jay tells them that today's shoot is all about being edgy. As the girls get their hair and makeup done, Jay says that he wanted to do something to bring a little more life to the shoot. Joanie interviews that they were all thinking it would be something gross, like sloths or snakes or a row of dancing snaggleteeth chomping on pork rinds. Instead, it is five half-naked guys. Eh. I'd take the snaggleteeth. Nnenna says that the male models are all cute, and that she wants to have fun. "Fun" in Nigerian means "an exchange of bodily fluids." Danielle also thanks Jesus for the hot men, who are a welcome respite from the nagging, PMS-ing bitches she has to deal with every day. I don't know. Male models always look short and tooly to me. The male models are John Thomas, also known as J.T., Skyler, Vaughn, Steven Bruns, and Zane. I think the last name "Bruns" is designed to remind you subliminally of buns, which subliminally makes you want to squeeze his, which then makes you give him a job. Well played, Mr. Buns, well played.
The girls get to chat with the models for a while. Brooke asks how you make something edgy. One of the guys says that she can be edgy, and Brooke counters that she's not very imaginative. I think Brooke has trouble with the "brain functions" in general. Nnenna talks to Vaughn, who says that he's more than happy to give her all the intensity she needs in the shoot. Nnenna notes that Vaughn good-looking, and from somewhere off in the distance, the echo-laden voice of L'il Nnenns adds that she wasn't missing her boyfriend at all.
The shoot begins, and it is utterly ridiculous. Frankly, I think the whole thing is insulting to professional women, but then again, I've always worked at non-profits, so maybe I'm just bitter because we couldn't get the funding for half-naked men. Furonda is in a black leather ensemble that shows her stomach, because what human-rights attorney worth her salt would let pass a media opportunity to show the effects of starvation. She says that she heeded a lot of Janice's advice, and thinks that her photographs will come out really well.
Jade looks like the kindergarten teacher from a Swedish porn movie. She has a long blonde wig on, which she is very excited about. Mr. Buns is her student. Sit down, Waldo!
Sara's outfit is especially low-cut and whoreish, and she jokingly asks if Jay's lawyer would wear that. He says his lawyer wouldn't, except when it's drag night at Ramrod. As Sara poses, Jay says that this shot looks like it would be page one of an editorial, and that on page two her top would be off and on page three she'd be on her knees. Nice.
Joanie is , and her stay-at-home mom is deliciously 1950s.
Mollie Sue says that she got to be a little more rock, which put her in her element. I guess we've regressed to "rock" meaning "bemulleted." She looks ridiculous.
Gina interviews that this is her chance to shine. However, she gets distracted, loses focus, and becomes a hot mess yet again. Joanie interviews that the whole kerfluffle with Jade and Gina is really working to Jade's advantage. Jay notes that Gina is even worse than usual, and stops the shoot to tell Gina this. Gina says that she knows she can do better, but is getting lost with all the crap going on in the house. It's annoying and kind of makes me wish that Janice would come and scream at her again.
Leslie is , and is dressed as Lady Justice with a whip. She looks pretty fierce, and is holding the scales of justice in her hand. I imagine that a tiny Chastity Bono is on one side and a tiny Bruce Vilanch on the other.
Danielle does her shoot as a singer, and it's very much the Streisand-Kristofferson remake of A Star Is Born. Jay says that Danielle nailed the shot, and everyone is orgasmic about it.
Brooke is dressed up as a porn nurse and struggles a bit. She interviews that she has potential, but lets her nerves get the better of her. Leslie agrees that Brooke needs to work on her confidence. Jay says that Brooke is awkward and uncomfortable and didn't sell the outfit.
is Miss Nnenna. Jay tells her not to be afraid of creating energy and chemistry on the set. Nnenna, the chemist, will have no problem with that. But before we get to the dirty parts, I must describe the scene. Nnenna is wearing leopard print and is standing amidst the wild African grasses along with her chemistry set and a half-naked tribesman, played by Vaughn. Seriously, they might as well have put a plate in his lip or had a Coke bottle fall from the sky or something. It's ridiculous. Jay yells at them to feel the African breeze. Nnenna says that it helps the situation when both models are attractive. Nnenna thinks Vaughn is attractive and that she is also attractive, so they make a fine match. Vaughn then starts getting a little handsy. In an interview, Jade is scandalized by the touchy-feeliness of it all. Vaughn starts kissing Nnenna's neck, and it's like the cover of a Harlequin romance novel called The Savage's Mistress. On the last frame, Vaughn and Nnenna kiss. Nnenna runs off and laughs. Joanie interviews that Vaughn pitched a tent while they were in Africa, and not the camping kind. Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. Danielle interviews that, given the finale, Nnenna might want to call her boyfriend. Nnenna says that she just had fun at the photo shoot. Nnenna is a little shady.
Back at the Chateau of the Confessed Infidelities, Nnenna calls her boyfriend and tells him that they had a shoot with guys. He immediately gets a certain tone and goes, "Nnenna...what did you do?" Nnenna says, "Nothing," which is an obvious lie. John asks if she "kissed on a guy," and she says, "No." John says, "Ugh, I can't believe you did." It's no "You had SEX?!?!?," but I'll take it. Nnenna says that she felt guilty, and that she should tell John, because all the rest of the girls were making such a big deal out of it. ["And also...he was going to have to see it anyway." -- Wing Chun] Nnenna says that she'll talk to John tomorrow, but before she has the chance to really say goodbye, John hangs up on her. Oh, those crazy kids are just made for each other, aren't they? Nnenna interviews that she normally always knows what to do, but doesn't in this case. She adds that she hates relationships. Well, I hate models and have to deal with them on a weekly basis, so I guess there are no easy outs. Commercials.
We return to Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Furonda, who wears a shower cap, says that she doesn't want to be eliminated. Jade says that everybody thinks Gina will go home, but Jade doesn't think Gina's going anywhere.
The photo that leads us into judging is Tyra in her future career of blow-up doll. And yes, I stole that from the forums. But seriously, you guys, I think someone removed the model chip from her brain. The girls appear before the panel. There are prizes, there are judges. Twiggy looks like one of the Pink Ladies. Lawrence Zarian is the guest judge. No Janice? Rip-off. Tyra asks each of the girls to give three commercial poses to sell the clothes that they're wearing. Gina looks awfully confused, and the judges laugh at her. Sara does the Janice laugh. Joanie tries to do the Janice laugh, but it is a pale imitation. Then the girls have to do edgy poses while wearing fireman gear, thus giving a whole new meaning to the term "flame retardant."
Time for critiques. Leslie doesn't hit her poses strong. Her criminal-justice photo is great.
Danielle worked the fireman outfit, according to Twiggy. Danielle's photo is very savage and intense according to Miss J., and reminds Tyra of Iman and David Bowie.
Lawrence Zarian "really, really" likes Mollie Sue. Her face and photo are modern according to Twiggy, but Tyra says that she isn't pushing herself enough.
Miss J. tells Brooke that 90% of the job is showing up, and that she just wasn't there. Brooke says that she froze up and went blank. Her photo is good, but Tyra says it was one of the few good shots she had. She tells Brooke not to be afraid to be ugly, which seems like a good life strategy in Brooke's case.
Joanie's commercial poses were hokey. She says that she tried to do what Janice told her, and Tyra counters that she's sure Janice didn't instruct her to look like a fool, because Janice is a really good model. Awww, Tyra sticking up for Janice! It brings a tear to my eye. Also bringing a tear to my eye is the snaggletooth. The tooth could have its own talk show at this point. Joanie's closed-mouth photo is great, though. All the judges love it.
The judges make fun of Sara's laugh, but Tyra says that if there had been a camera snapping, her photos would have been great. Sara's lawyer photo is pretty good, but a little porny.
Lawrence likes Jade's sassy confidence. The judges like her photo, which is strong but not too hard.
Then there's Gina, who looked lost and confused according to Twiggy. Gina says that she's letting problems at home get to her. The judges have no sympathy. Gina's photo is weird, and she has no presence.
Furonda has upped her game according to Nigel. Furonda's photo is good, and makes her actually look pretty. Will the wonders of airbrushing never cease?
Nnenna's catalogue poses were good, in large part because of her big smile. Nnenna's photo is obviously full of chemistry, says Miss J. Tyra asks Nnenna what was going on with the shoot, in which her photos became increasingly freaky and ended with a French kiss. Nnenna says she and Vaughn had chemistry. Nigel reminds her that she can always say no, and Tyra counters that Nnenna wasn't even trying to say no. Nnenna says that she has a boyfriend, and Tyra says, "Not anymore you don't." The rest of the girls laugh, because the misfortunes of others are fun! Commercials.
When we return, the judges deliberate. Gina looks stunning in her picture, but her personal stuff is holding her back. Leslie needs to bring it home. Jade is learning and listening, and is putting it on to get the gig no matter what she's doing at home. Brooke has managed to survive through all her inadequacies. She looks like a top model in person, but isn't photographing as well as expected. Twiggy loved Sara at the beginning, but thinks she's getting more peculiar. Danielle is progressing. Mollie Sue can go far if she gets some fire. Twiggy likes Nnenna, but Miss J. says that he's bored to death by her each week. Tyra says that Nnenna has a quiet power. Joanie's photo was surprising in its personality, wit, and sexiness. Furonda has a great personality according to Lawrence. Miss J. says that her head is shaped like a lightbulb. Tyra says that her whole family calls her Lightbulb Head, and Nigel says that means she'll have a bright future. Oh, what a cad he is.
The following girls are in: Furonda, Joanie, Danielle, Leslie, Jade, Mollie Sue, Sara, and Nnenna. This, of course, leaves Brooke and Gina. Brooke has all the potential in the world, but the judges wonder when the talent will start. Gina has one of the favorite faces of the judges, but she's a little vacuous. So who goes home? Gina, of course. No one is really that sad to see her go. Jade does give her a hug, so I guess we'll have to wait until the reunion show to see how they really feel about each other. Gina says that modeling is harder than people might think. As far as Gina is concerned, thinking is harder than people might think. She's disappointed that she didn't do better. She's learned that not everyone will like her, no matter how friendly she is, and says that it's up to her to figure out life on her own. She is thus sent out into the wilderness with only her giant teeth to shield her from life's miseries. Floss daily, my friend.
week: the girls hang out with Nick Cannon, and Jade says that Furonda has lumpy skin. That shit is on, now. The girls shoot a Cover Girl ad, which proves to be a challenge. And there is a shocking collapse that catches everyone by surprise.