Previously on America's Top Model: Yaya struggled with the judges' feedback (dancer dancer dancer). Rumors of Cassie's eating disorders rippled through the house (thanks to a legally blind blabbermouth). Continued criticism broke Kelle down ("I was in denial about my snout, but now I know"), but at the elimination Kelle advanced and it was Jennipher (phinally) who was sent home. Only nine girls remain...who will be eliminated tonight?
New York! Cabs are flying by! Kelle talks to her father on the phone and tells him that she doesn't have enough intensity in her eyes, even though her snout is revered as the finest of its generation. She interviews that her last photo, like so many of her photos before it, bit the big one, and cries that she needs help, because she just can't seem to get anything right. And for all those who believe that Tyra Banks fights the good fight and builds the self-esteem of girls of all shapes, sizes, and faces, just take a good look at the shell of a person that is Kelle. Cassie interviews that, of all the girls in the house, she was closest with Jennipher. She says that she doesn't particularly get along with the rest of the girls, but that she doesn't mind because she's a loner and is perfectly content sitting on her bed by herself and eating her low-carb brownies. But I'll get to that in a minute.
Amanda walks around the apartment picking up various small bits of trash (and I'm sorry, but she can locate a candy wrapper on a dresser but couldn't find the sum total of her laundry?), and interviews that being in the house is like living with eight other beautiful pigs. Insert snout joke here. Several shots of the house show a random bag of what looks like lemons in someone's room, and a really dirty kitchen counter, including a stick of butter that is partially melted. This brings to mind the age-old debate about whether butter should go in the fridge or be left out. And I have to say, even though it makes it difficult to spread, I am firmly on the side of refrigeration. Because, ew. ["My choice is butter dish with cover." -- Wing Chun] And the toilet paper should roll from the outside. ["Totally with you there, and everyone who isn't is a Communist." -- Wing Chun] Amanda mentions the grossness to a few of the others, and Eva says that they all know who the perpetrators are. Amanda interviews that Cassie is the messiest of the bunch, leaving her Diet Coke cans strewn around the house and such. She calls Cassie a "sloppy slut." Thanks for the commentary, albino asswipe.
Tyra shows up in the morning and jumps on the girls' beds to wake them up. Norelle interviews that she loved this, because it makes it seem like Tyra is a real person. Which we all know she is not, having crawled out of a pod on the planet Xeno-1479 and transmitted herself to Earth where she uses the electrodes cleverly hidden under her gigantic weave to exercise mind control on the masses through the televisual media and Victoria's Secret catalogues. For the love of God, don't look straight into her eyes! Norelle also has a penchant for calling Tyra "Tyra Banks," which I find hilarious. Like we'd be all, "Oh, Tyra Banks! I had assumed she meant Tyra Goldfarb. I'm always getting those two mixed up." Tyra tells the girls that today she is going to talk with them about the dark underbelly of the modeling industry that is eating, body image, and the pressure to fit into a certain mold. And that mold is a size two. And snoutless. Tyra brings out Kate Dillon, one of the top plus-sized models in the industry. Kate tells the girls that she has been modeling since she was seventeen, and was the first plus-sized model to be featured in Vogue. Toccara is in awe of Kate, and reasserts that Toccara wants to be the first black plus-sized supermodel. Kate says that she started out as a "skinny" model (complete with finger quotes), and that to be a "skinny" model, you have to be "skinny." Thanks for that informative lesson, Professor Plump. Not sure if I would have been able to figure that one out on my own.
Kate says that she had a very difficult time staying thin, and had an eating disorder. She would go days without eating anything substantial (and at this Cassie thinks, "Ha! Novice. Last three weeks on one saltine and then give me a lecture"). Kate says that she couldn't stay in the business as she was, because she was unhealthy and miserable. And at this, the editors cleverly flash to an unhealthy and miserable-looking Cassie. Kate left the business, gained fifty pounds, returned as a plus-sized model, and broke new ground with her high-profile ad campaign for lard. Kate tells the girls that modeling might not be the right career for any of them (I'll say), and that if it's not, they shouldn't manipulate themselves at any cost to fit into it. Tyra says that being a model is akin to being an athlete, since you have to work on your body and stay in shape, and also because your career is temporary. The main difference, of course, is that as a model you don't need to have any discernible skill or actually accomplish anything.
Tyra brings out nutritionist Joy Bauer, who has been helping models to manage their weight for over fifteen years. She says that the keys to healthy eating are balance, moderation, and consistency. Cassie says that she has fallen victim to the low-carb craze. Joy says that, contrary to popular belief, nobody needs to be afraid of carbs. Joy Bauer is my hero. Do you hear that, women of America? Eat a freaking pretzel! And buy this clever shirt. Tyra asks if anybody "wants to do a one-on-one with the three of us." Ha! Models are also like athletes in that they are often quite dumb. Cassie says that she wants to, and the others are dismissed to their rooms. Cassie tells Tyra, Kate, and Joy that, even though she wouldn't say she has an eating disorder, she worries about what she eats 24-7. Joy asks if it ever gets out of control, and Cassie says that she has thrown up several times in the past, but doesn't consider herself bulimic because she didn't do it after every meal. And I am sad to say that the crazy and disgusted Tyra reaction shot that we were promised in the previews from last week is nowhere to be found. Joy suggests that Cassie talk to a counselor so that her obsession doesn't get out of control, particularly in such a pressure-filled environment. Cassie rejects this idea wholeheartedly and says, "You can tell me I shouldn't do that all you want, but if I feel like I'm still gonna do it, I'm never gonna be helped." So she's basically saying that she would like to continue having an eating disorder, probably because without it, her "cry for help" status garners so much less attention. After Cassie leaves, the three women talk. Tyra is concerned, and Kate says that people with eating disorders are hard-core.
Cassie calls her boyfriend, C.J., and tells him that "they" want her to go to a counselor for "you know what." C.J. says, "They know? How?" and Cassie says, "I had to tell them." I personally find it a little disturbing that her boyfriend seems to support her eating disorder. Cassie interviews, "If I'm feeling that I'm happy and I'm doing fine and this is making me happy by doing this, then that's all that matters to me." A little vague there, aren't we, Tracey Gold? Cassie walks by a table of healthy food left by Joy and kind of scoffs at it, telling the others, "It's just like fruit and salad, it's not like a bunch of meals." Ingrate. I'm sorry, but by the time you're my age you learn that any free food is a cause for celebration. My mom left me a bag of those little snack packs of raisins, and I was seriously dancing on the table.
In the kitchen, Cassie pulls a tray of brownies out of the oven. Ann interviews that Cassie had made low-carb brownies, and that they could only be Cassie's because "who eats low-carb brownies?" Cassie interviews that the brownies are six dollars a box. And I guess you really learn the value of a dollar when you must pluck it carefully from your g-string. Ann says that the brownies were on the counter along with all of the brownie ingredients, which include broken eggshells. Sitting on the counter. Which is just gross. Ann is justifiably disgusted by the dirty kitchen. She comes up with the brilliant idea to write "Cassie clean your dishes" in the brownies. She wonders if it's rude, but says that she's just drawing in the brownies with a knife, so how bad could it be? Eva acts as lookout. Ann can't fit the word "dishes" in the pan, so instead writes "clean your shit." And while she does carve the message with a knife, I must be fair to Cassie and say that Ann's fingers were all up in her brownies while she was writing it. As opposed to their usual position of being all up in Eva's brownies. And I apologize because that was totally gross. Ann says that she should have written "Eat some carbs," and she and Eva have a good laugh.
Cassie comes out of her room wearing only her underwear and a tank top and seriously, Cassie, put on some pants. Cassie is not amused by the brownie message. She asks Eva who did it, and Eva says she doesn't know. Yaya snarkily interviews that "someone had the audacity to mutilate [Cassie's] precious brownies." Which is amusing for the time being but will quickly become a "shut up, Yaya" moment. As Cassie and Toccara do their hair and makeup, Cassie gets increasingly mad about the incident and says, "It's like me sticking my hands all in your chicken breast or something." It's the poetry of the common man, what we hear on this show. Cassie goes from room to room asking each of the girls if they wrote on her brownies and, if not, if they know who did. Everyone, including Ann, denies it. And Ann should seriously just own up. ["Well, yes. If the whole point of her doing it was to deliver a sincere message in a joking manner, then she should have no problem admitting that she did it. Denying it suggests that Ann knows she did something wrong." -- Wing Chun] Cassie interviews that Eva was hinting that she knew who the perpetrator was: "Who else is under Eva's butt the whole time except Ann?" And I think this officially marks my sixty-ninth lesbian joke of the season. As Ann says that Cassie is royally pissed, Eva, who is doing a freaking WORD SEARCH from Highlights magazine or something, says that Cassie's mad and that Eva doesn't care.
In another room, Yaya is wearing a black t-shirt with the word "RESPEITO" in big white block letters. She tells Cassie that she's wearing the shirt for her and says that the word "HAY-SPAY-TU!" means respect in "POR-THU-GAYSE!" And it really bugs the crap out of me when people say one word in a foreign language and have to do it in that exaggerated accent. Like, if that's all you have to add to the conversation, then just shut up. Yaya is already way too pleased with herself. Amanda interviews that no one will admit to being responsible for "BrownieGate '04." Amanda and Yaya eavesdrop outside of Ann and Eva's room. The whole house is a-twitter about the incident in a way that indicates that they are loving the drama. Toccara busts into a round of "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar," and everyone totally knows that it's Ann. The girls all go "Mmmmmmm," and Toccara exits the room saying, "I'll see y'all at dinner." They can't wait. Kelle laughs, claps and joyfully quips "There's gon' be some drama." She was so black just then!
The girls are all eating out at the restaurant Teany. Ann asks Yaya what her shirt means (hint: it's what the Portuguese Rodney Dangerfield gets none of), which provides all too convenient a forum for the Ya-ster to get her preach on. She says that it means "respect" in Portuguese, and that there is a big lack of respect in the house. She continues that Cassie's brownies were "fingered" (insert Ann/Eva joke here) and that the whole incident showed immaturity and a lack of respect. Yaya and Cassie are both sickeningly self-righteous in this moment, which...shut up, Yaya, and pipe down while you're at it. Ann 'fesses up that she carved the messages in the brownies to be funny, and that it was not intended to hurt Cassie. She apologizes and says that she thought Cassie would find it funny, too. ["Lie." -- Wing Chun] Yaya interjects that Ann doesn't have the kind of relationship with Cassie to assume that Cassie would see the humor. ["I hate Yaya in this episode, but true." -- Wing Chun] Yaya then interviews, "Some people think it's funny to kill people. That doesn't make it funny." First of all, they do? And second, it's a fucking pan of brownies. Calm it down with the moralizing, Reverend Blackhead. Ann says, "Well, I'm sorry that you're so mature. And that you have no sense of humor." Cassie says that they don't have to be hostile to each other, but that Ann shouldn't touch Cassie's stuff. I have a feeling that the harping about this went on for a while longer, because there's suddenly a cut to Ann who says, "Okay, well, when you were making yourself throw up and you didn't want anyone to talk about it, you said that and we stopped talking about it. So stop talking about me." Cassie says, "I'm going to talk about you, I'll tell you that now." Ann says, "Well, then I'm going to talk about how you're bulimic...I'll tell Tyra tomorrow." And that was pretty low. Cassie says that she already told Tyra. Eva says that everyone should just calm down and clean their freaking dishes. Ann says that no one wants to live with Cassie's dirty dishes, and Cassie says, "Who wants to live with you, Ann?" and Yaya bursts into a smug smile. Cassie yells at Ann some more. Commercials. Everyone seriously needs to calm the fuck down.
For those of you who were wondering, Toccara was once again voted Cover Girl of the Week. "She makes big beautiful!" "Her inner beauty shines brightly!" "She represents the woman of today." Those comments are practically the same as last week's. I would totally vote for Toccara, too, though.
Back at the restaurant, the bickering continues. Ann argues that she didn't ruin the brownies or piss on them. Cassie says it's still wrong. Kelle is cracking up, which I love. Then freaking Yaya says, "There are obviously many different levels of maturity and experience in this house...We are not the same kinds of people, but respect -- HAY-SPAY-TU -- is the issue." Eva gives her a priceless look that says, "What you talking 'bout, bitch?" Oh, little Eva Drummond. Before she climbs down from her tiny oil-control soap-box, Yaya says, "Moving on. Growing up." People, this is what an Ivy League education gets you. So beware. Cassie interviews that she doesn't like to have a lot of drama in the house, but when you live with Ann, drama is unavoidable.
A new day is dawning. Cassie says that she doesn't know why people give her flak for not cleaning her dishes, because there's a pile of dishes in the sink and none of them are hers. Cut to Cassie leaving her dirty brownie pan in the sink. Ha! I love when the editors hate someone.
Tyra mail! "Do you have what it takes to rise to the top? Be ready to prove it at 10:00." The girls, clad in workout wear, walk into a room that is outfitted with an army-style obstacle course. Toccara interviews that when she saw it, she was excited. Yeah, I am so sure. There are nets and ropes and tires and walls that say things like "intensity." Eva interviews that no one in their right mind would be excited about an obstacle course. Captain Leif Wade, trainer at the bootcamp gym, introduces himself. And how awesome would it have been if it was Captain Leif Garrett? He'd be all shaking and stuff, and the workout would consist of "Ummm, and then you pick up the pipe with your right hand just like this..." and then he'd start crying about how he paralyzed his friend Roland Winkler. And then Roland Winkler would show up and complete the obstacle course, paralysis and all, just to underscore how pathetic Leif Garrett is. But I digress. Captain Leif is formerly of the U.S. Marines. He says that the girls are no longer civilians. Well, as we've seen, they're no longer civil, so I guess that's a start. Eva mocks Captain Leif in an interview, saying "Blah blah blah, today is about tenacity! Strenth! Loyalty!" Eva is the greatest. Captain Leif says that the girls will face rejection in the modeling industry (true, just ask Kelle), but quitters are never winners, and winners never quit. So he won't let them quit today.
Yaya interviews that putting on fatigues and acting like she's moving through the jungle isn't her idea of a good time. But Yaya...killing people is funny! Also, shut up, you pinko commie. Ann is predictably pumped. The girls race through the course, falling quite hilariously many times. Ann interviews that she's always been good at everything she's ever done, including sports. Yaya interviews that she gets a really competitive vibe from Ann. Ann is the top athlete but Yaya is also seen as physical because she dances. She's a dancer? I wouldn't have guessed. Cassie is not having much success on the rope climb. Yaya says that Cassie didn't want to participate, and was putting in minimum effort. Captain Leif yells at her a bit, and asks her what she's proud of today. She says nothing, then snots that if she wanted to be in the military, she would have signed up for the military. Eva interviews, "Cassie is the biggest punk I have ever met." Once again, a spot-on observation from Eva. And also, that's saying a lot. Amanda interviews that she wanted Captain Leif to yell at Cassie more and call her a maggot. Cassie interviews that the whole exercise is dumb and cheesy and that she hates it. She cries in the obstacle course that she wants to go back to Oklahoma and the comfort of her pole and pasties. This whole incident is totally proving to us that those stripper workouts that seem to be all the rage these days are a huge crock of shit. Ha! Eat carbs and do some weight training. I love the lessons of this installment of Top Model. Eva interviews that the purpose of the course was to teach the girls tenacity and endurance, and not to give up in the face of adversity. Captain Leif sits the tired-looking girls down after the work out. He says that some of them did amazingly well, and some not so well, and that he'll be seeing them again soon. The girls give a groan of anticipation. The bad kind.
The girls drive to another location where they meet...Captain Wade! Norelle mocks the way that he says, "Hello, ladies." He continues, "Didn't think you'd see me so soon." Captain Wade is totally like that male gym teacher that you had in high school, who wore really short shorts and was all awkward and uncomfortable when he had to talk about reproduction during the health component. Captain Wade tells the girls that their challenge for the day is to race to the top of the stairs in the building, which is a fourteen-story high rise. The person with the fastest time wins. Ann interviews that she and Yaya were the only ones who were really motivated to excel at the challenge. The girls race up one after one, some of them looking quite tired. Cassie interviews that she actually put forth a little bit of effort because she didn't want to finish last. As Eva, the first contender, gets to the top of the stairs and emerges onto the roof of the building, Captain Wade says, "A top model needs to look good on a moment's notice. You now have a photo shoot." Eva pants and gags, and interviews that she couldn't even breathe so figured she might as well smile in the pictures. The girls pose, looking totally tired. When Captain Wade tells her that she has a photo shoot, Toccara says, "No I don't!" She interviews that she thinks the photo shoot sucked.
On your feet ladies! Nobody quit the competition, which is the most important thing. Kelle came in last, and to last was Norelle, followed by Toccara. Ann says good for Toccara, but thinks that Kelle and Norelle should feel bad because a woman weighing fifty pounds more than they do beat them in a race. ["You can be overweight and still be more fit than skinny people who never eat and therefore have no energy. Shut up, Ann." -- Wing Chun] Amanda, Cassie, Nicole, and Eva are all in the middle of the pack. Yaya is the winner of the day and, to her credit, Ann doesn't seem to brat about coming in second. Yaya gets to share her prize with one person and chooses Toccara, who exemplified perseverance and surpassed expectations. The two of them enjoy an evening of spa pampering on the roof. The rest of the girls have to walk home. They are not happy. Eva interviews, "The person that needed the facial...got the facial," and a close-up shows us that Yaya is still quite zitty. The loser girls have to walk about three miles home, some of them with their walking sticks.
Yaya interviews that the panel has criticized her for letting her "dancerishness" shine through. She tells Toccara that it is difficult for her to suppress something that is so much a part of who she is. She says, "In the definition of Yaya, dancer is up there." Yes, it's up there right along with "asshat." Cassie interviews that she had a Hollywood image of New York in her head, and was disappointed when she got there because the streets are not, in fact, paved with gold. She thinks that New York is dirty and expensive. As opposed to dirty and cheap, like the Gentlemen's Club where she is employed. On their walk, Kelle acts as tour guide, which she says is one thing that she can actually do well. Cut to a shot of her tripping over Amanda's walking stick. Oh, poor Kelle!
Cassie interviews, "Happiness to me is just that feeling that can't be described, and it's not here right now." New York and the competition are not making her happy. She tells her boyfriend that New York is not as glamorous as she had thought it would be, that she hates it, and that all of her spirit is gone. Her boyfriend (who appears, in a photo with Cassie, to be a strapping black man) helpfully says, "Just be a trooper." Cassie says, "I'll try my best," and her boyfriend totally mocks her by saying, "I'll try my best" in a pouty girly voice. What a catch he is. Cassie asks if he will be mad if she comes home early. The show cuts to a commercial before we can hear him say, "Yes, because then I won't have as much time to hang out with your esteemed, bigger-breasted co-workers, Calypso and Fantasia." And Cassie? New York doesn't like you too much, either.
Tyra Mail! "Lights, Camera, Action! Tomorrow get a jump start to your day and be ready by 7:30." The girls arrive at an airplane hangar, where they meet The Dowager Jay Manuel. He is dressed in a bedazzled jean jacket. No, really. In the words of Wing Chun, "Dolly Parton wants her wardrobe back, you moronic fuckwad" (paraphrased, and that last bit might have been mine). He tells them, "Now, some of you still have issues posing on the ground..." which, shut up you stupid jerk. But today is going to be more challenging, because they'll need to pose while in flight. The photographer -- who of course has shot Tyra (and not literally, even though killing people is widely believed to be so very funny) -- is hilariously foreign and named Sascha Pflaeging. He loves to photograph models while they are pflying. Sascha Pflaeging tells the girls that the shoot will be physically demanding, so he hopes they have a lot of energy. The girls think that the shoot will entail some sort of task like bungee-jumping while holding yogurt (no, seriously), but in fact they will be shilling an energy drink called "Y-J Stinger" while bouncing on a trampoline. Kelle asks Jay not to tell her that she's doing great if she's not, and to give her some kind of useful critique so that she can do better. Which seems like a perfectly reasonable request, right? The Dowager snots, "Kelle, I can't baby you through every frame." He interviews, "I'm tired of talking about Kelle, I'm tired of talking to Kelle, I'm tired of seeing Kelle cry." Can someone please just fire him? He's so obviously an incompetent, unqualified boob. Kelle interviews that she needs help because she's never done this before, and if she took perfect pictures she'd be at an agency right now. Too, too true, Kelle. Ann interviews, "She wasn't saying 'baby me along,' all she was saying was if she's doing bad, don't tell her she's doing good [sic]." Who knew that Ann would be the lucid and reasonable one in this situation? Also, hate, thy name is Jay Manuel. He's the worst.
The girls are outfitted in modern punkish clothes, hair, and makeup. Sascha Pflaeging says that Cassie was very comfortable jumping up and down, but didn't have a lot of variety. Eva gave good energy, but doesn't have a lot of range. Toccara was really good, particularly for being a fatty. Nicole says that trampoline-ing is tricky. Eva gives Norelle some pointers. Sascha says that Norelle is a bit awkward and gangly. Kelle begins to jump in her cute pink dress, and her boobs totally fly out. Eva cracks up. Yaya tells her to stop jumping, and then mocks her squealing. Kelle has to change into another, much uglier dress. I'm sorry, but they can keep Toccara's boobs in her dress but not Kelle's? Say what you will, but the fix is totally on. Jay laughs at Kelle while she's jumping. He interviews that she is too self-conscious when she gets in front of the cameras. Gee, I wonder why. Kelle cries. She is so beaten down. Ann says that she has to prove that she deserves to be there. Sascha says that Ann wasn't bothered by hurting herself, so she gave a lot. Jay says that she was a big flop. She scraped herself on her chin and elbows, and perhaps other places. She looks kind of ridiculous.
is Yaya, who says that, based on the judges' feedback, she stripped away the traces of "danceration" that are instinctual to her, which made her shoot a bit boring. Jay says that Yaya took the judges' advice to the extreme, which isn't helping her. So you're only supposed to do what they tell you by half, or sometimes, or maybe not at all? What? Amanda is , and she rocks the shoot. Eva interviews that Amanda was doing dancer-like poses, and Yaya was getting pissy about it. Eva mocks Yaya's pissiness. Jay calls Amanda over and tells her that she "super-impressed" him, and that she's the only girl who got the shoot. Yaya pisses pissily on the sidelines. Oh, the irony! The sweet, sweet irony! Shut up, Yaya. Eva interviews, "It's always an excuse for everything. It can't be because...you're not perfect. Noooo. Miss Yaya doesn't think so." And man, I can't WAIT to see the two of them get into a real smackdown. Yaya climbs back up on the trampoline and does the moves that she really would have liked to do. She tells Jay that she gets told week after week not to look so much like a dancer. Jay says, "You shouldn't take everything as a hard and fast rule...In this world, ten people are going to say, 'Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this.' You know what you're going to end up with? Nothing to do." Except in this case it was three or four people all telling her the exact same thing. Whatever. Everyone on this show is incompetent. Except Janice, who falls into her own special category of competence. Commercials.
And now it's time for the Cover Girl Beauty Tip of the Week, presented in its entirety. And seriously, I made the mistake of fast-forwarding through these during the first four episodes. If you know what's good for you, start watching them, because they are truly hilarious. And Jay Manuel? Don't try acting, don't try acting, don't try acting, don't try acting. And please end up with nothing to do, and get off of my TV screen.
Horsy Foreign Model: [at wit's end] With the weather getting colder, my skin is getting dryer!
Small Orange Man: [knowingly] Now is the time to give your skin the extra help it needs.
HFM: [matter-of-factly] What can I do?
SOM: [confident, despite being an incompetent boob] Make sure your foundation has moisturizers in it. I like CoverGirl AquaSmooth. It has moisturizers that help your skin from being dry in cold weather.
HFM: [with a thick foreign accent] And on this chapped lips?
SOM: [slyly, breaking into a wide grin] Wetslicks, baby! It feels like a bomb and it shines like a beacon.
HFM: [no, she really says this] And smells like cupcakes!
And...scene. My first album is seriously going to be called Smells Like Cupcakes, featuring the hit song "Feels Like a Bomb and It Shines Like a Beacon." Featuring the catchy chorus, "Feels like a bomb and it shines like a beacon/ My makeup routine, it might need some tweakin'/ Give me the extra moisture my skin is seekin'/ When they see my shiny lips, all the girls be freakin'/ 'Cause I'm looking so good that I'm beyond critiquin'/ So tonight we'll get it on till someone calls the deacon."
Tyra Mail! Tomorrow, you will meet with the judges. Ann interviews that she's nervous, because there are enough people who are doing consistently well that one bad photo might mean elimination for her. Tyra. Prizes. Judges. Tyra calls Janice "the very first supermodel ever to exist on this planet." Janice throws her head down. Empress Minnie is back, and the guest judge is Kate Dillon. She looks so pretty. Tyra says that a top model has the ability to be on point no matter how tired or exhausted she is. Thus, the girls will be judged today on their photo taken after the fourteen-story race, as well as on their Y-J Stinger photo.
Norelle is first. Her workout photo is kind of frightening, but Nolé likes it because she looks like a heroin addict. The judges love her trampoline photo. I think Kelle's workout photos look fine, but the judges groan and Janice says, "I can't even look at it. It's that bad." They hate her trampoline photo, too. Big shocker, I know. Nolé asks what Kelle did before coming on the show, and Kelle says that she owns an art gallery. Janice asks her if she's ever heard of expressionism, because she needs expression in her face. Nicole needs to learn to have model poses ready on call, because her workout photos are bad. Nicole's trampoline shot is fierce. The way she holds the Y-J Stinger can is "fashion." In the workout photo, Toccara has intensity even without the aid of hair and makeup. Her Y-J Stinger photo is not so well received. Kate says that Toccara, like many plus-sized models, has a real freedom with her body, which shines through in the photos.
Cassie's workout poses are a little too "model-y." Her trampoline photo gets mixed reviews. Tyra likes it, but Janice says that she looks like she should be in a cornfield scaring crows. Janice then holds her arms in the air and goes "AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWW!" And I think I have my new cell-phone ring. That was seriously the greatest. Tyra said that the photographer noted, "Cassie looks tired and weak, and not sure if she really wants to be here." Janice asks what's up with that, and Cassie says, "I don't know." You know, if you really want to leave, then just go, and take your precious brownies with you. Eva's workout photo looks good considering that she was about to yak all over the place. Her Y-J Stinger photo makes her look taller, even though the close-up on her face shows some seriously flared nostrils. The judges love Amanda's workout photos, and her trampoline photos. Of course. Blah blah blah. Tyra says that the photographer called Amanda the superstar of the shoot, which causes Yaya to glare pissily.
Yaya is , wearing yet another message shirt. How many of these does she have? This one says, "Fé honestidade luta esperanca respeito," which Free Translation tells me means "Faith honesty fight hope respect." Or, as I like to translate it, "Blah blah blah blah blah." Shut up, Yaya's t-shirt. Yaya's workout pictures are sporty. Janice loves them. Her trampoline photos are not working. She says that this shoot was a challenge for her, because she tried to look less like a dancer. Tyra says that there is an art to taking advice. She says that when someone tells you not to look like a dancer, it means, "Less Cirque de Soleil, more couture." I wish there was an "English to Tyra" option on Free Translation. The judges tell her that she needs to find balance. She agrees, and starts tearing up. Ann is universally hated. Everyone thinks she is beautiful, but her photos just don't work.
The judges deliberate. Yaya needs to moderate the dancing stuff. Amanda, Nicole and Norelle were all great. Nolé says that he will always advocate for Toccara. Janice says that's because he's a plus-sized girl too. He says, "And proud of it." Nigel says that Toccara normally photographs incredibly well, but that this is not her genre. Nolé adores Eva, and the others think that she has a lot going for her. Kate says that Ann is not photogenic. Tyra says that she thinks Ann is photogenic, but doesn't know what to do with her face or body. She feels that Ann and Kelle are neck and neck -- pretty girls who don't know how to model. The others aren't crazy about Kelle either. She has a pretty face, but screws everything up. Janice says she should go back to her gallery and sell art for the rest of her life. Cassie doesn't have a clue about modeling, and her face looks dead. In the words of Janice, "She's just blaaaah." And that's a disgusted "blaaah."
Tyra has eight photos in her hand, representing the eight girls who will still be in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. Congratulations to Eva, Amanda, Nicole, Yaya, Toccara, Norelle, and Cassie. Tyra once again encourages Cassie to seek counseling for her "sadness." Will Kelle and Ann please step forward? Tyra has the same critique for both of them: they are both beautiful girls to the eye, but that doesn't translate to their photographs. They are "the walking signpost for 'pretty girl, not photogenic.'" However, the judges think that Ann has a little more potential. Kelle, it's time for you to say goodbye.
Kelle interviews that she would have liked to keep trying, but on the other hand, there's only so much humiliation a person can take. She says that maybe modeling isn't what she's supposed to do. She hit rock bottom, and has been called some really bad things, but she's grown from the experience. She says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And while I'm a little sad to see Kelle go, I'm also relieved because I was starting to feel really, really bad for her, and that's just not good for business around here.
Coming up on America's Top Model: Ann, Eva, Norelle, and Amanda share a hot tub, and Amanda interviews that a hot tub always brings out your bad side. Hoo boy. The girls meet some of New York's top fashion designers, and Toccara faces some difficulties because, you know, she's bigger than the other girls.