By Gwen
So this episode starts off with Ally being introduced to a table full of Italian stereotypes. Oh, wait...that's not Ally McBeal. It's Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sorry.
Okay. This episode actually starts with a super-duper close-up of Ally's facial spasms. Then we hear her stuttering. Then she's talking about her hallucinations of the Reverend Al Green. The camera pulls back to reveal that she's talking to Rose from The Golden Girls. A strobe light and thunder clap accompany Ally's flashbacks to other episodes in which Al Green has appeared to her. I'm glad I missed most of those. Poor Al Green. Ally goes on to say that Al Green is singing her life with his words. Sadly, though, he's refrained from killing her softly with his songs. Then she pokes at her mouth with a letter opener. Then she closes her eyes and starts singing. Rose is smiling condescendingly at her the whole time. Oh, but then Rose turns into Al Green, the letter opener turns into a microphone, and blah blah blah. Ally says she's fallen in love with him. Rose calls him "Alan," indicating to the viewers that she's an old bat who doesn't know her ass from Al Green on the ground. That's why we're supposed to roll our eyes when Rose suddenly says, "What I'd like to do is put you on Prozac." We all know that hallucinations are the main symptom of depression and not, say, paranoid schizophrenia, right? "What?" says an astounded Ally. The look on her face clearly conveys her belief that just because her hair is unwashed most of the time, that doesn't mean she's depressed. She doesn't want the Prozac. Rose says that there's no stigma to it -- Rose herself is on it! Ally points out that it's a "mind-altering drug." Rose tells her that she's been a therapist since before Ally was born and that Ally won't find happiness through love or God: it comes in a pill. There can even be joy in the taking. Rose's comes in suppository form. It gives her "a little wriggle." Ally is totally grossed out. ["Ally is not alone there." -- Wing Chun] Cut to opening credits. Ha, HA! I can already tell that this episode is going to be utterly hilarious. If there's anything that's funny, and yet TIMELY, it's a reference to Prozac. Heh, heh, heh. Those high-falutin' doctors and all their new-fangled ideas. What these sad sacks need is a swift kick in the behind. David E. Kelley knows it, and I know it. Hoo boy. I love this episode already.
Stephanie Seymour wants me to know that desire is wanting larger breasts so badly that you will wear a bra that hurts. Thanks, Steph.
Here we are at a meeting. Richard's telling everybody about some boy named Kirby who's being sued for sexual assault. He kissed a girl without her consent. Elaine rubs her breasts against Richard's arm while serving him coffee. Richard tries to assign the case to Billy, who has a personal appointment which is apparently a surprise to Georgia. John and Nelle get the case instead, which means that we get to hear them discuss the spanking incident later in the hour. Ally is sitting at the table with her hair all greasy and uncombed, staring into space with her fingers on her mouth. Georgia casually asks Billy about his meeting, and he says rather rudely, with a bitchy look on his face, "It's just a meeting. Does everybody have to know my schedule?" At this point Georgia should have said, "Excuse me for living. I guess I won't be taking your bitchy ass out to lunch today. WHATever." But instead, she does her big open-mouthed passive-aggressive smile and says, "Oh! How 'bout your wife?" Then Billy gives her the smarmiest look possible for someone so lacking in personality and says, "Potential new client." Then he just leaves Georgia there with her perpetual smile. Oh, but Elaine's right there eavesdropping, of course. She tells Georgia, "I agree with you. He's lying." Oh, no smile for Elaine. An annoyed Georgia peels out, leaving Elaine alone with her "Woo hoo, here's some good gossip" smirk. That Elaine! She's such a character!