|
5-21 2002.05.20 |
Bygones Ally leaves the firm because Maddie is having health problems. Richard and Liza tie the knot. Renee, Georgia, and the ghost of Billy return to say goodbye to Ally. John gives Ally a necklace made from metal salvaged from the World Trade Center, and a book on anthrax, wrapped in a singed sheet of office paper that blew over to Brooklyn on September 11. |
| 5-21 Recap |
Bygones
Bygones - Ally leaves the firm because Maddie is having health problems. Richard and Liza tie the knot. Renee, Georgia, and the ghost of Billy return to say goodbye to Ally. John gives Ally a necklace made from metal salvaged from the World Trade Center, and a book on anthrax, wrapped in a singed sheet of office paper that blew over to Brooklyn on September 11. |
2002.05.20 2002.05.22 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-20 Recap |
Double Indemnity, Dammit
All Of Me - Kyra Sedgwick stars as a woman with a dual personality -- a cold, careerist side, and a docile, obedient-wife side. Her husband wants to medicate her to be docile all the time. This plot outrages Alex Richmond. So glad the show is canceled! Plus, Ally celebrates her thirty-second year on earth, and wears really bad outfits. |
2002.05.13 2002.05.15 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-19 Recap |
Kiss This Show Goodbye: All Sweetness And No Sorrow
What I'll Never Do For Love - Elaine gives great audition (and excellent casting couch follow-up) for a touring production of A Chorus Line. Richard's father is sued for sexual harassment; Richard and Liza take the case and get closer. No Ally this week. Yay! |
2002.05.06 2002.05.07 |
C |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-18 Recap |
Ally and Victor Bite the Dust
Another One Bites the Dust - Are you surprised? Are you bummed? Do you care? Three episodes to go, woo! |
2002.04.29 2002.05.03 |
D |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-17 Recap |
Hang Down Your Head and Cry
Tom Dooley - Heather Locklear is married to two dudes, and is hot for John Cage. She likes mariachis. And Lara Flynn Boyle. No, really. Christina Ricci joins the firm, and Ally is, like, not in this episode at all. Only four more episodes after this -- woo! |
2002.04.22 2002.04.27 |
C- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-16 Recap |
Love is All Around
Love is All Around - Christina Ricci and Matthew Perry guest-star on the hiatus-breaking two-hour train wreck. They both play lawyers. Gasp. Ally and Victor finally do it. |
2002.04.15 2002.04.16 |
C+ |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-15 Recap |
The Heart of an Artichoke
Heart and Soul - A girl needs a heart transplant, and the best donor is her incarcerated dad, who was jailed for murdering her mom. Plus, Ally and Jon Bon Jovi don't date, not because a lawyer dating a plumber would be scandalous and "dating down," oh nooo. Maddie? Smokes. But she doesn't like it, much. |
2002.03.04 2002.03.08 |
C+ |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-14 Recap |
Do We Share the Same McDNA?
Homecoming - Oh, shut up, Dame Edna. Harmonize with this. Plus, Ally and Maddie are really egg donor and...uh, egg donee. Sniff! Or something. Plus, Victor gets it on with an old lady, who has confused him with the love of her life, Vincent. |
2002.02.25 2002.03.01 |
C |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-13 Recap |
Accept It: This Show Sucks
Woman - Ally and Jon Bon Jovi do not kiss, Dame Edna does not win her wrongful termination suit, and Jenny and Glenn do not keep their jobs at Cage, Fish and McBeal. |
2002.02.18 2002.02.19 |
D |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-12 Recap |
Ally's a Mom, John Is Gone
The New Day - When John leaves the firm again, Richard asks Ally to become a partner. She learns he's been paying salaries out of his own pocket. Ally -- happy to take on her mommy role -- is shocked but willing to take on the extra office responsibilities, as long as she can still leave at five. Corretta represents an associate fired from her job because she has AIDS. |
2002.02.11 2002.02.12 |
D |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-11 Recap |
Are You My Ally McMommy?
A Kick in the Head - Ally has a daughter now. The daughter gets to live with Ally, her mommy, in Ally's new house. Yeah. |
2002.02.04 2002.02.05 |
D- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-10 Recap |
A Hundred Yawns
A Hundred Tears - This one hundredth episode of suck is about Ally, her day-dream-iness, and a client who believe he can fly. Also, Nell Carter returns as the matchmaker, working on Corretta, Richard, Elaine, Jon Bon Jovi, and the Biscuit. |
2002.01.21 2002.01.23 |
C- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-9 Recap |
Blowin' in the Wind
Blowin' in the Wind - French Stewart plays a squinty, faintly smiling, delusional man. Also: Jon Bon Jovi! |
2002.01.14 2002.01.16 |
C+ |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-8 Recap |
Gimme A Break! I Sure Deserve It!
Playing With Matches - Kimmy Bishop sues her matchmaker -- Nell Carter -- for deeming her "unmatchable." Jenny and Ally try to sabotage Jenny's mother's marriage. And Ally? Ice-skates. With the help of a double. Oh, and there's also Mariah Carey in a blink-and-you'll-miss-her role. |
2002.01.07 2002.01.08 |
C- |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-7 Recap |
Christmas: Now More Than Ever
Nine One One - Ally consoles a minister who's become agnostic; John fights for a town to have its Christmas parade. Because now more than ever, we need this, and if we don't, the whatevers will have already blah. |
2001.12.10 2001.12.11 |
C |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-6 Recap |
Ally's Lost, John's Found
Lost and Found - The Biscuit returns, and is pissed that Fish has annexed his hole. Ally and Glenn don't do it again, some more. Glenn then gets back with Jenny. Hooray? No one else is happy. Again. Some more. |
2001.12.03 2001.12.05 |
C |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-5 Recap |
I Need Drugs
I Need Love - So, what do you think Sir Elton's fee is? Would he play a private party at a Boston bar? Well, he did. Ally realizes that choosing not to date Glenn because he's "a boy" is not a valid reason. Or, duh. And they kiss. But nothing really happens. |
2001.11.26 2001.11.28 |
C |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-4 Recap |
Nothing Was Fast as Lightning
Fear of Flirting - No one gets laid, still. John Cage is mysteriously absent; Ally, "clipped"; Corretta the unfortunate target of bumbling. The new people are doing okay, though. Not getting laid, but doing better than the original cast members! Isn't that sad? And isn't Alex Richmond mean? |
2001.11.19 2001.11.20 |
D |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-3 Recap |
Neutral Corners
Neutral Corners - Ling gets sung out, there's closure on the telemarketing case (hooray, the good guys win, or something), and no one gets any action. No one. Not Ally and John, nor Ally and Glenn, nor Dame Edna and John. |
2001.11.12 2001.11.14 |
D |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-2 Recap |
Judge Ling
Judge Ling - Stuntcasting this week: Dame Edna. Not as herself! But as another purple-haired grande dame. And Ally and JennyAlly and Ally and Glenn and John and Ally go round and round and round again. It's nothing but a tease. |
2001.11.05 2001.11.07 |
C |
Alex Richmond |
| 5-1 Recap |
Here We Go Again (And Again)
Friends and Lovers - For the season premeire, we get a do-over. A new lawyer comes to the firm, and she has Ally's exact life. And hair. DEK should be arrested for repeated torture -- to the characters he creates, and to the viewing audience. |
2001.10.29 2001.10.30 |
C- |
Alex Richmond |
| Extra |
Charlie's Angels
Charlie's Angels - They've got fists of stone and apparently bottomless closets. And only one of them sleeps around. But the best part? No imaginary dancing babies. |
2001.07.05 2001.07.05 |
B+ |
Montykins |
| 4-23 Recap |
Do a Little Dance, Kill a Little Baby
The Wedding - Ally tries to murder the Dancing Baby, but fails. The only thing left for her to do after that is go to a prom in an ugly dress and realize that she will find new love next fall, when the new season begins. |
2001.05.21 2001.05.30 |
C |
Gwen |
| 4-22 Recap |
Horndoggedness Failing Us All
Home Again - Richard goes back to L.A. to win a case for Jane, but then passes up the chance to have victory sex with her afterward. It's probably because she's wearing an ugly wig and is being moved into place as a new regular character. It's too bad that won't save the show. |
2001.05.14 2001.05.18 |
D- |
Gwen |
| 4-21 Recap |
Queen Bee...otch
Queen Bee - Christine Lahti cameos as some freaky woman who allegedly emits a horny-making pheromone not unlike that used by bees. She uses that talent to make the men in her company work harder, and also to provide a disgusting subplot involving Richard and John. |
2001.05.07 2001.05.14 |
D |
Gwen |
| 4-20 Recap |
Cameo Cavalcade
Cloudy Skies and a Chance of Parade - Sting, Paul Reubens, and Cheri Oteri show up to do a subplot about a jealous husband suing Sting over his wife's delusion. Also, someone impersonates Barbra Streisand and becomes the excuse for yet another new quirk for John. Also, Cindy Margolis shows off her boobs. |
2001.04.30 2001.05.06 |
C- |
Gwen |
| 4-19 Recap |
What a Clone. What a Maroon.
In Search of Barry White - John battles Larry in the courtroom and loses, causing Ally to lose a bet. He admits that his defense of voodoo science cloning had no merit and takes refuge in his Barry White hallucinations. Meanwhile, Elaine gets naked. |
2001.04.23 2001.04.30 |
C+ |
Gwen |
| 4-18 Recap |
Women Are Dogs, Too
The Obstacle Course - The Client o' the Week falls in love with a man online, then meets him in real life and discovers that he's a midget. So she sues him. Ling makes fun of Nelle for having her own online relationship. Ally bitches at Larry for admitting that he wouldn't have hooked up with her if she were a midget, as if she's not shallow as hell, herself. |
2001.04.16 2001.04.21 |
C+ |
Gwen |
| 4-17 Recap |
Keep Smiling, Old Man
The Pursuit of Unhappiness - Ling defends a man whose blood clot causes him to be happy and whose son therefore wants to have him declared incompetent. Then the old man's wife dies and everything goes to hell, just like every other week. |
2001.03.26 2001.04.02 |
D |
Gwen |
| 4-16 Recap |
John-a-Tronic And Richard-a-Licious
The Getaway - This episode focuses on one of the funniest characters and one of the most annoying, until they negate each other and create a big pile of boring nothing. |
2001.03.19 2001.03.26 |
D- |
Gwen |