Previously on Alias: I didn't want to give the show an F and then erase my memory with a hefty dose of PCP and a grain alcohol chaser. No, really. Okay, okay, there was a (sort of ) dead guy in a (fake) niridium-powered chamber and we all think it's Rambaldi and there was a hot French chick and then some new hot guy named Getty and I was so drunk by the end of the recap that I actually saw my liver leave my body, pack a bag, and call a taxi for the airport. I'm sorry. It was the only way to KILL THE PAIN.
Just FYI, the previouslys on this episode go as far back as Nadia getting infected and Sloane explaining to Jack that Nadia is infected, and in case you wondering, Nadia is infected and there is no cure but if there were one, Sloane would totally go get it, even if it meant ditching Dixon, and if you honestly thinking Mia Maestro is coming back, like, ever, I have some property in a lovely turd-infested bog at the end of Hellfire Lane I'm sure you'd be interested in purchasing.
Istanbul. I'd like to make a funny comment about that location, but I don't care enough to try. We're in a lab with some mice and a couple of scientists in bio-gear. Outside the lab, a woman dressed head-to-toe in black with a hood hiding her face walks up to the security door and buzzes in, telling the guard at the desk that she's there to see Ramal because their son is sick. The guard lets her in. She quickly shoots him dead and removes her hood as she walks toward the lab. The scientists are too busy pretending to give a shit about the fake compound they're working with to notice her hacking into the security lock on the door.
She enters and orders the scientists to get up against the wall. She steals a couple of vials, and one of the scientists tells her to be careful with the third. She just says she only needs two and then flings the vial into the air and exits before it hits the floor. She effectively locks the two scientists inside the lab with what I'm assuming is a rather dangerous bio-weapon. Well, now, that's not very nice, is it? After she exits, we're treated to a shot of the scientists, now dead and with masks full of blood. Pleasant.
Barbie Penthouse. Syd's going through the mail and she comes across an issue of Hockey Trends magazine with Vaughn's name and address on the front. For those of you collecting 47s, the ID number on the label is ##. And since when did Michael start getting his mail delivered to Sydney's place? Last time I checked, they were dating and then engaged and then they were going to Santa Barbara and then "I'm not Michael Vaughn" and then WHAM! and how did he find time to forward his mail to the Barbie Penthouse? Bullshit: 1, Continuity: 0. Syd calls customer service at the magazine and there's this far too long scene of Sydney canceling the subscription and then she goes to throw it out and the SpyFetus is all, "Nooooo! Not Hockey Trends! I love that rag!" So Syd takes it out and puts it in drawer for safekeeping.
Apple Store. Marshall's yammering something about how a pen pal of his in Istanbul forwarded something about the lab break-in. The vials contained a nerve agent called "Substance 33." I don't think I'm being too harsh here when I say that the writers have definitely been slacking in the naming department. It started with The Covenant and has never quite gotten back on track. Prophet Five? Substance 33? The Shed? The fuck? Whatever. I don't care enough to get angry. Substance 33 is deadly (of course) and all Marshall knows about the lab techs is that they were working independently. Getty trills out a stream of information about Gordo Dean and how he's a ghost and everything, and for some reason, Syd, Jack, and Marshall all look amazed that Getty's managed to remember all of this intel, like, it's not like he's A SECRET AGENT OR ANYTHING. Getty has a nice "no bullshit" verbal delivery, by the way, that vaguely suggests a young Jack.
Marshall correctly supposes that the substance thief was working with a hacker on the outside, and states that the hacker was using the same computer as the computer used to hack into the NSA a few months back. Since they know the NSA hack was ordered by Dean, it only stands to reason that this lab theft was also ordered by him. Marshall traced the computer to Prague, and if he goes there, he can narrow the trace down to within two feet and they can nail the hacker and grab the substance. Yes, it's about as interesting as watching polish dry on the nails of a poodle.
Syd mentions that if they nab the hacker, they'll lose Dean. No, I don't really know why. Jack wants Getty and Syd to accompany Marshall to Prague and locate Dean's office without making their presence known. Syd gets a look on her face that's like, "The hell? I hate this guy. Let him reorganize the dead files or something. He smells. Why can't Dixon go with me?" Getty just looks at her like, "Oh, bitch, please. I have this Totally Intense facial expression on loan from the Charlie Sheen Memorial Acting Museum and I have to get it back by five; can we just get to Prague already?" Jack just tells his daughter to suck it up and deal, and leaves. Getty smirks at Syd like, ha! Nice try, PREGGERS.
Syd, of course, is not only pregnant, she's also incredibly unprofessional, as evidenced by the fact that she goes running after her daddy in an attempt to cajole him into dropping Getty from the trip. The scene basically goes something like this: "I want Dixon." "You can't have him." "I want him." "No." "Please?" "No." "DADDY!" "No." "But whyeeeeeee??" "Because Dixon's taking Sloane on a trip to go pick up an antidote that will cease to exist because Mia Maestro is no longer a cast member and he can't be in two places at once, that's why. Now go get me a gin and tonic and the TV Guide." I mean, it's not like Jack is her BOSS or anything.
So Sloane has cultivated a lead on a cure for Nadia, and this person is demanding to meet him face-to-face in Russia. Sloane's being released for seventy-two hours and Dix is going with him. Syd then says she'd prefer going to Prague with Marshall by herself. Jack is like, "Dude? DROP IT. You're going with Getty AND Marshall and that's final and what'd I say about the gin and tonic? It's cocktail hour somewhere, goddammit!" Syd says she read Getty's file, and in the last three years he's turned down a dozen team assignments. She identifies him as a loner and not a team player. She doesn't mention anything about the potentially mysterious information that Jack apparently came across when he first looked at Getty's file. Jack's pretty much had it with Syd at this point, and he basically tells her to stow it, and Marshall and Getty show up and say they're ready to go to Prague. In other words, shut the fuck up, Sydney.
And now is the time on Alias when we just crawl under the covers and hope the final episode of the season (and possibly the show in general) wraps everything up nicely and neatly and that Vaughn comes back and he and Sydney drive off into the clouds in their convertible T-Bird while all the other kids sing and wave.
Sloane's Cell of Convenience. Dix and Sloane are discussing Sloane's contact, Dolshenko, who was an under secretary in some bureau. Sloane's worked with him for the past ten years. Dolshenko is claiming that the Russians killed all but a few survivors of the Clifford the Big Red Ball incident and now they're pursuing cures. Honestly, considering how this entire subplot turns out, this scene is fairly unnecessary. Just know that Sloane is meeting Dolshenko in Russia, Dix thinks it might be a trap, Sloane doesn't agree, he's giving Dolshenko $300,000, and Dix is going to make sure that Sloane returns to his cell; when they're in the field, Sloane is to follow Dixon's instructions, no matter what. And...scene.
Prague. We're at the Au Bon Pain on Monroe Street in Chicago (what? That's what it looks like) and Syd, Getty, and Marshall are watching the building. Marshall says the hacker is inside the Au Bon Pain because he's getting a signal reading from the Wi-Fi Hotspot inside. Or something. Yawn. Marshall glues a microprocessor to the bottom of a tin of mints and if someone gets it within five feet of the hacker, it'll allow Marshall to clone the hard drive. Even better, the mints contain a tracking device, so if they offer the hacker one, they'll be able to locate him no matter where he goes.
Both Getty and Syd reach back for the mint tin and they kind of look at each other and Syd speaks to him in Czech and he's all, what the hell is that? And she's all, it's Czech, stupid, and he's all, oh, durr, well, why don't YOU go hand over the mint tin then? So Syd and her gargantuan belly leave. Inside the Au Bon Pain, she immediately hones in on a guy in a backward baseball cap working on a laptop. She asks him if he's American, he says he isn't, she says she thought he was because of his hat, which is a Boston Red Sox cap, like, it's not enough that we have to endure the Affletus (tm Sars) as part of the storyline, but now we're getting his favorite baseball team too? I mean, couldn't it have been the Yankees or something? Note to writers: We don't need any more in-jokes, people. Garner's pregnancy is one big giant in-joke, so leave the other ones on the cutting room floor, please.
Marshall starts the trace and Syd offers the guy a mint. Marshall then asks Syd if this guy has two computers networked together just as the guy asks Syd if she's pregnant. "No," says Syd, answering Marshall. Cute Czech Guy is all, uh, no? Then what is that, indigestion? Syd says she's joking. She really is pregnant! Isn't that hilarious? HILARIOUS. Marshall tells Syd that someone's hacking into Cute Czech Guy's computer in order to steal the bandwidth, and the hacker could even be on a PDA or cell phone. Marshall says the signal just went dead, and Syd sees a blond woman leaving the café with a cell phone in her hand, and since it's Rachel "Boobs McPhee" Nichols, we know that she's the hacker.
Boobs McPhee walks over to her car and looks around suspiciously about seven times, like, NO ONE IS WATCHING YOU, Bad Spy O'Reilly! Boobs drives off in her adorable Mini Cooper (gimme gimme gimme) and Getty screeches after her. Getty and Boobs are competing for Worst Spy of the Month, because Getty's tailing techniques are about as subtle and finessed as a moose's attempts at making a loaf of rosemary olive ciabatta bread, and Boobs totally picks up on the fact that he's following her. A car chase ensues. Car chase car chase car chase. Screech, car, turn, screech, Mini Cooper, love, car chase, slam, cut off, gotcha. Getty cuts Boobs off on a side street and Boobs McPhee, she is captured.
And now we have to endure a little something I like to call Unnecessary Secondary Character Theatre.
Hotel Room of Irritation. Boobs McPhee is strapped to a chair in one room while Syd, Getty, and Marshall discuss business in another. Marshall's unable to get anything out of Boobs's bashed cell phone. Syd thinks that if Boobs fails to check in with her people, they'll disappear, something they can't afford if they're going to try and track down Gordo. I stopped paying attention around the opening credits, so I have no idea what's going on. Syd snarks on Getty for bad chase techniques and Getty just returns the snark with a quip and a smile. Heh. I kind of like him. He's more interesting than Boobs, at least. Syd decides that she's going to talk to Boobs again to see if she can at least get something out of her on Substance 33 or good push-up bras. She asks Marshall to rig a voice-stress analyzer. Marshall asks for ten minutes. Man, this is the most exciting show ever! Excuse me while I shove a lit match up my left nostril in an order to keep myself awake...
Omsk. Don't care. Sloane and Dix are waiting for Dolshenko. He's late. Dolshenko calls and bitches Sloane out for bringing Dix along. Dolshenko asks if he has the money. Dix pulls out the briefcase with the cash and shows it to Dolshenko, wherever he is. Dolshenko then tells Sloane to be at a different location by eight and be alone this time. Dix shakes his head. Sloane tries to tell Dix that his daughter is the only insurance Dix needs to ensure that Sloane's not going to try and escape. "What if it were your daughter, Marcus?" Sloane asks. Well, considering you blew up his wife, I'd say that Dixon probably would do just about anything to ensure his daughter's well-being. Dix finally hands Sloane the case and tells him to call when he's ready to be picked up. AND THEN HE GETS IN HIS CAR AND DRIVES AWAY. Did I just have a brain fart here? Have I missed something? Can't Dixon just get some high-powered rifle and watch the meet from a rooftop somewhere? Are the writers eating chain mail for breakfast? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO THIS SHOW?
Hotel Room of Fuck It, Not Caring Over Here. Syd's interrogating Boobs about the lab hack. Boobs just wants to contact the American embassy and she has rights and blah. Syd says terrorists don't have rights. Boobs says she has no idea what Syd is talking about. Getty enters and says that Boobs is traveling on a student visa that was issued two weeks ago. Boobs starts futzing with her watch, and Getty leaps at it. Boobs suddenly drops the student act and states that they're all making a huge mistake; in a few minutes, the place will be swarming with agents. Uh-huh. Don't care. The watch turns out to be an electronic location transmitter and Boobs was trying to send a signal. Boobs states that she works for the CIA, and Syd's all, huh, that's a problem, sweets, because WE'RE CIA. Boobs thinks that if they're all CIA, then they're on the same side. Except for how Boobs really works for Gordo and he's not CIA.
Syd tells Getty to get on the phone to Langley and verify her story. Boobs says Langley won't verify it because they're Black Ops and off book. How convenient. Marshall pipes up that according to the stress analysis, Boobs is telling the truth. Jack gets on the horn to them and gives this hilarious alternate excuse for Boobs passing the stress test, saying that the more likely scenario is that she's performing some sort of self-hypnosis, making herself believe that she's really working for the CIA. Heh. Victor Garber's totally laughing his ass off in this scene.
Suddenly, Syd seems to realize that if Boobs believes what she's saying, then maybe she really does think she works for the CIA, just the way Syd thought she worked for the CIA back in the days of SD-6. Syd heads back in to talk to Boobs as Getty and Marshall listen in the other room. She tells Boobs a story that greatly mirrors her own recruitment story; basically, that she was approached at school, in a public place, and a man asked her if she wanted to serve her country and when he told her it was for the CIA, she couldn't believe it. The gist of the story is that Boobs is working for an SD-6-type organization, but totally thinks she's working for the CIA. I cannot believe that THIS is the storyline they're going with for this character. Are they fucking serious? Of all the storylines to go with, they have to REPEAT ONE FROM THE FIRST SEASON? Are there even writers this year? Or is there just a Magic Eight Ball and monkey with a typewriter and an endless supply of bananas in the writer's room?
Syd asks Boobs if her story rings a bell. Boobs thinks Syd read her file. Syd didn't. Thirteen years ago, the same thing happened to her; she says she can prove that Boobs works for an illegal organization. The transmitter Boobs had, the signal is supposed to go to Langley. Syd thinks Boobs should send a signal as she normally would and they'll watch where it really goes. Boobs builds a trace program that piggybacks onto the watch signal, and they all gather around the monitor while Boobs transmits her signal. Marshall hits a button and the signal starts. It goes to Langley. Boobs looks relieved. A second later, the signal is re-routed and winds up going to Prague, to a location on Vlasska Street. Syd asks what's at that location and Boobs tells her it's their temporary office. Dean needed the office so that he could oversee the transfer of Substance 33. Syd's all, wait a minute, Dean's in Prague? Yeah, says Boobs. In fact, you won't believe this, I mean, I almost don't believe it myself, but he's RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
Rooftop of Characters In Need of Just a Little Push Over the Edge...Boobs is standing off by herself, utilizing Expression #12: Mild Angst. Down in the hotel room, Jack asks Getty how Boobs is doing, and Getty says she's doing as well as can be expected. Jack mentions something about Substance 33 going to the highest bidder and Getty says that Boobs knows nothing about that because it's classified and all classified stuff is stored on Dean's own server and DOES NO ONE REMEMBER THE BODY IN THE (FAKE) NIRIDIUM CHAMBER FROM LAST WEEK? Like, way to drop about five storylines IN ONE FELL SWOOP. I just refuse to care about a storyline that feels like it was shoved in here to introduce two new characters that are supposed to possibly be spun off into a new series when this one finally dies a slow and horrible death.
Tell me, what would have been so wrong with Vaughn "dying" and then Syd seeing him off in the corner of her eye at the funeral and spending the rest of the season trying to either prove that he's really dead or really alive or slowly going mad in the process, which was all the evil plan of Rambaldi in the first place and then she'd give birth and the baby would be stolen BY VAUGHN, who is really alive and a direct descendant of Rambaldi and Syd has to save her baby and come to terms with the fact that her fiancé was, indeed, a rather bad man and he's in cahoots with IRINA and maybe even JACK and Syd's all alone and it all wraps up in the final episode with Vaughn, Irina, and Jack showing up and saving Syd at the last minute and telling her that they were actually trying to SAVE the baby from the bad people and everyone lives happily ever after and...WHY COULDN'T I WRITE THIS DAMN SHOW?
Uch. Whatever. I just gave myself a headache. So, Jack asks how much Boobs knows about Dean's operation and Getty says that Dean calls it "The Shed" because the writers were on vacation and some guy named Arty who cleans the floors found a discarded script and no one was around so he totally pulled out a pencil and rewrote the whole thing, but his handwriting was really bad so when he wrote "The Shit" and thought he was being really funny, the production people thought he wrote "The Shed" and that's why we're stuck with this stupid fucking name for a quasi-evil organization.
Getty tells Jack that Boobs is willing to cooperate completely and give them everything she can. Jack asks Marshall if they can access Dean's dedicated server. Marshall says there's an encryption key on it that changes daily, but if he can get inside, he might be able to crack it. Jack declares that Marshall going in is too dangerous, but sending Boobs in just might work. Too bad she's not a field agent. Besides, she's too busy sobbing her little boobs off upstairs on the roof. Jack states that they don't have a choice. They need to get in there and get to that server. Syd exits onto the roof and walks over to Boobs, telling her they need some help.
Later, Marshall tells Boobs that all she needs to do is copy the encryption key and get it back to him and then he has to crack the key and she has to go back to the office and OH MY GOD THIS IS BORING. He asks her if she can open a portal into Dean's server from her workstation; she can. Marshall gives her a handy credit card flash drive that can hold 240GB of memory. Nice. Boobs is as impressed as I am, and says so. Marshall then returns the compliment by saying how impressed he was with her NSA hack job. He says she's gonna be okay, and she seems slightly reassured by this.
Back with Sloane and his Meeting of Convenience, he's standing outside some building with the Red Square CGIed in the background. Dolshenko drives up and gets out of his car and they greet each other warmly. Sloane tells him they're alone, and hands over the money. Dolshenko puts the money in his car and then moves to the trunk. Sloane goes to open the trunk, and there's nothing there. No cure, no nothing. Dolshenko pulls a gun on him and says that he wants Sloane dead because he's responsible for the death of his daughter. When Clifford the Big Red Ball exploded and Sevogda was put under "quarantine," all the residents were murdered to keep any information about the tragedy from escaping the immediate vicinity. Dolshenko's daughter was one of the "quarantined" people. So he lied to Sloane; aside from Nadia, there are no survivors and there is no cure. He orders Sloane to turn around, but Sloane says he won't. "If you're going to shoot me," says Sloane, "I'm not going to make it easy for you. I know your pain, Sasha. Killing me won't heal it. You're not a killer." As Dolshenko's hand starts trembling, it's fairly clear that he's no killer. "Don't become one now," continues Sloane. "Don't make this your daughter's legacy." Dolshenko puts the gun down and drives off, leaving Sloane behind. And that's the last we see of him for the rest of the episode. Does he call Dix? We don't know. Does he run off to meet Irina at a teahouse? We don't know. Does he get some blow and a couple of hookers? WE DON'T KNOW.
Van of Dumb Undercover Ops. Syd's telling Boobs that she'll be listening in and able to hear everything, even whispers. If anything goes wrong, they'll abort the mission and get her out of there. Syd says that's the easy part. The hard part is that Boobs has to walk back into that office and not let anyone see that she knows the truth about the organization. When Boobs has the encryption key, she's to let them know and they'll do a brush-past in the lobby as discussed. Boobs asks Syd how many of the employees know the truth. Syd says it's impossible to know, but in her case, it was about half a dozen out of fifty agents. Syd then decides that this would be the perfect time to whip out a picture of Vaughn and show it to Boobs. She asks if Boobs has ever seen him and Boobs answers that she has, that Dean said he was a turned CIA agent and that he's in custody. Syd tells her what really happened to Vaughn and then tells Boobs to get revenge on Dean by doing this task and doing it well. Boobs sucks it up and gets out of the van.
The Office of the Dumbly Named Organization. Boobs walks in and proceeds to telegraph to anyone WITH EYES that she knows the truth about the place. The woman from the beginning of the episode shows up and states that she thought Boobs wasn't supposed to be in until later that day. The actress's name is Amy Acker, according to the boards, but I was never an Angel fan, so I had no idea who she was. I just saw her on Supernatural recently, though, and thought she was pretty good. Or, you know, I would have thought she was pretty good if I hadn't been so busy watching Jared Padalecki's fine, fine, FINE ass tromp through the scenery. Amy does a decent job in this scene, but she doesn't have much to do except pretend to act like a supportive friend/co-worker while Boobs practically shouts at her with her eyes, "I AM NO LONGER A SPY AND I KNOW YOU ARE BAD, BAD PEOPLE."
Boobs sits down at her desk and pretends to work while she's really accessing the server. Or something. There are a lot of excessive strings on the soundtrack and a lot of over-eyeball-shifting from Boobs. Back in the van, everyone waits to hear from Boobs. It's about that fascinating, yes. Boobs keeps copying the key as Dean shows up. She quickly hides the flash drive from view. Dean makes small talk about the book she lent him, Devil in the White City, and how he is finding himself sympathizing with the serial killer. Man. If Boobs didn't already know Dean was a bad guy, the fact that he finds himself identifying with a remote and coldly calculating man who used to murder women and flay the skin from their bodies and then sell their skeletons to medical universities might have been a good indicator that he's creepy as hell.
Dean goes on to task Boobs with a prep report or some such shit and she promises to get right on it. She then grabs the card out of the computer and tells Syd she's on her way. Before she can close the elevator doors, Amy Acker, whose character name is "Peyton," runs up and squeezes her way in, asking if Boobs is going for coffee. Syd tells Boobs that they'll do the pass right under Peyton's nose, all Boobs has to do is follow Syd's instructions. Getty throws on his coat and Syd's all, where do you think you're going? Getty's all, uh, duh, going with you. Syd's all, I don't think so. Getty's all, deal with it. Oh, and how do you say "you're welcome" in Czech? Outside, Boobs and Peyton walk along as Peyton pulls out a cigarette. Syd comes toward them, telling Boobs to have the credit card ready in her left hand and for god's sake STOP LOOKING AT HER. Heh. Getty rushes up and lights Peyton's cigarette as Syd passes by and takes the card right out of Boobs's hand. "Thank you," says Peyton in Czech. "You're welcome," says Getty in Czech. Heh. I'm telling you, I'm liking him. And I'm not totally hating Rachel Nichols either; I'm just not digging her character so far. They'll have to make her character suck a whole lot less for me to get into her.
Peyton makes a comment about Getty not being Boobs's type, and even though several people on the boards made comments about this sounding like Boobs was a lesbian, I'm not sure at this point. However, I would LOVE it if they DID make her a lesbian because then at least SOMETHING on this show would surprise me. Back in the van, Getty enters and says, "Remind me to ask her what that means, 'not her type.'" Heh. See? They're giving him some good lines and he's delivering them well. What's not to like? Marshall decodes the firewall key in seconds flat, and Syd lets Boobs know that she can open the access ports. As they enter the office, Peyton says, "That's what I love about our friendship: no competition." Oh. Okay. Boobs IS a lesbian. I mean, unless Peyton means that since she only likes tall, darkly brooding cigarette-lighting men and Boobs only likes hairy dwarves with eye patches, they're never fighting over the same kind of man, I'd say that this statement is pretty much a direct reference to the fact that Boobs pitches for the Pink Team All-Stars.
Boobs is acting totally weird, though, and Peyton picks up on it, asking her if she's okay. Boobs says she is and that she just needs some caffeine. Peyton doesn't buy it. Boobs returns to her desk, looks around a couple more times so EVERYONE in the office can see her looking suspicious, and then she opens up the access ports and Marshall's in. Dean passes by and goes into his office. Peyton's there and she tells Dean that they may have a problem with Boobs McPhee. Dean looks out at Boobs, and the Strings of Fake Suspense take us out to the break.
When we return, the Strings are working overtime to make us actually give a shit about the remaining five minutes of this episode. The Strings could be bleeding out their frets and I still wouldn't give a damn. Nice try, though, Strings. Dean checks his computer activity log and sure enough, Boobs is downloading a shitload of data, but she's hopping RAM to try and stay undetected. Two clicks later and Dean discovers that Boobs is copying everything on his server. Marshall gets the Substance 33 file and states that it's shipping to Budapest tonight in Container 1147. He goes off to phone Jack.
Peyton wants to eliminate Boobs. Dean says it's too late for that and that they have to execute Plan B. She wants to know if that's necessary. He says she should do it quickly and meet him in the parking garage. Peyton flicks some switches on a machine and sets a bomb clock running. Seconds later, all the computers and electronics in the office shut down. Outside, Syd hears some wheels screeching and sees two black cars come careening out of the parking garage. Syd tries to contact Boobs, but there's no answer. Marshall realizes at that same moment that the server's fried. Getty goes running into the building.
Inside, Boobs turns two inches to her left and sees a bomb counting down in Dean's office. Yeah. Because when you're about to blow an office up, you want to make sure you leave the countdown clock out WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT. Getty keeps running. Boobs goes closer to the clock, because when the office is about to blow up, it makes sense to MOVE RIGHT TO THE BOMB. Finally, Boobs goes to leave the office, dumbly trying to summon the elevator, like, FIRST RULE OF BOMB AVOIDANCE: TAKE THE STAIRS. An alarm goes off. Getty's still running. Boobs heads for the stairs and the explosion flings her out into the stairwell. Getty's knocked down too. The whole office explodes, leaving no survivors.
None except Boobs, of course, who seems to have been only mildly hurt. Getty helps her out of the rubble as Syd comes shooting up the stairs as if she's only wearing a pillow underneath her top and not a fetus. Like, damn, girl! That was ten flights of stairs! You should be red-faced and napping by now! Getty tells Syd that Boobs is going to be okay and we go to the black screen with the Alias placard and I calmly whack myself about the head with a 2x4 because THE PAIN IS BETTER THAN WATCHING THIS SHITE.
on Alias: The entire episode revolves around Boobs McPhee, and I predict a three-page recap. Or a frontal lobotomy. Whichever is more entertaining.