Previously on Alias: Syd faked a bullet wound to the head in order to acquire some codes from a corpse in Uzbekistan. Jack told her that the codes were actually control codes for six missing portable nuclear devices. Irina confessed that she knew that the nukes were in a prison in Kashmir, and Kendall allowed her to lead them to the prison. Sid told her father that she felt responsible for handing the codes to SD-6, and she was going to go on the mission to retrieve the nukes. Jack refused to let her go alone with her mother, so they made it a family vacation. Jack and Irina had multiple pissing matches while on the trip. Syd told her father (accompanied by The Beard) that the six nukes would be activated the day. The trio busted into the prison and eventually discovered that the nukes were being used to activate a Rambaldi artifact. Kendall informed Syd that Indian fighter jets were about to bomb the prison. Vaughn showed up in a helicopter and rescued the Bristow family and the nuclear cores, so the air strikes were called off. Whew!
Irina crouches in the center of her cell, watching a fly. We see her from the fly's perspective, until she reaches out and snatches the fly out of midair. She studies it, and then lets it go. What are we supposed to make of that? That she's got really good hand-eye coordination? That she's really, really bored? That she's evil like a spider? That she's going to star in Karate Kid IV: No More Miyagi? Syd voice-overs, "When I found out my mother faked her death twenty years ago, that after mourning her for most of my life she was still alive, I tried to imagine what it would feel like to stand in a room with both of my parents again. It seemed impossible." Syd watches Jack talking to some underling. He looks up and sees her, and she smiles at him. He nods. Syd continues. "That two people with so much…deceit between them could ever find a way to breathe the same air. And all of a sudden, there we were. Just the three of us, walking down a dirt road in the middle of Kashmir." We see that Sydney is talking to Will in her apartment. She says, "When we were out there working as a team, it was comforting." Flashback to the Bristows all shooting automatic weapons. Syd explains, "We were ambushed and we fought back and we survived." Will says, "Yeah, my parents and I sort of went through the same thing." Syd looks at him like, "Huh? Really?" Will raises his eyebrows like, "Are you kidding me? The closest we ever got to that was when we took on the neighborhood in a game of touch football. And lost." They laugh.
Syd remembers something, and grabs her backpack. She hands Will an envelope and says that Vaughn told her Devlin approved him to do research if he passes the Moglin-Reich Allegiance Test. The envelope tells Will where to go for the pickup. Syd starts to explain more to Will, but he knows it all at this point. Francie walks in, and Syd jumps about a foot and looks guilty. Francie looks at them suspiciously and says that every time she walks in the room, they hush up like she's interrupting something. Will denies it, as does Syd, who invites Francie to sit down. Francie says, "I can't. I forgot my keys. I've got to open The Plot Device To Get Me Out Of The House More Often So That You Guys Can Discuss Matters Of National Security." Or she might have just said "restaurant." Francie leaves, and Will and Syd look guilty.
Irina paces around on a fenced-in rooftop, surrounded by armed guards. Syd walks through the gate, escorted by yet another guard. She walks up to her mother, who smiles. Irina explains that she's allowed to be there for fifteen minutes, twice a week, and guesses that Syd put in the request. Syd admits it, and says that they appreciated her help in Kashmir. Irina says emotionally that she needs Syd to understand that she was eighteen when the KGB recruited her. The sad music starts up, and Irina continues, "For a woman to be asked to serve her country, it was a future. It meant empowerment, independence. I was a fool to think that any ideology could come before my daughter." Syd looks down as tears spring to her eyes. She starts to walk away, but Irina calls her name. Syd turns back, and they embrace. Immediately, the guards start yelling at them to stand down and put their hands up. They comply. Both are still crying. All I can think is that Irina's feet must be really cold, because Syd is wearing a winter coat, and Irina has on flood pants and those Chinese slippers. I hope she doesn't get frostbite or something!
Sloane's goons slam Sark into a chair in the torture room. Sark yells out that they have an arrangement, and Sloane responds that Sark failed to hold up his end of it, because the operation in Kashmir was a waste of SD-6 resources. A goon forces Sark's mouth open and inserts a glass ball. Sloane asks Sark, "Have you betrayed me, or are you simply incompetent?" Sloane explains that this particular interrogation technique was developed by the Khmer Rouge to minimize bruising so that photographs could be taken of prisoners. Because I know that when I am about to experience extreme physical and mental anguish, I want to know all about the history of the process, so that while I am whining and squealing, I can really appreciate all of the research that went into the whole thing. The goons buckle a leather strap around Sark's jaw, and Sloane explains that if he pulls on the strap, the glass will break. Ouch. Still not as bad as the dude who pulls out your teeth, though. But it does seem that most of these torture techniques revolve around the mouth. Sloane puts pressure on the leather strap and asks Sark if they were unlucky, or if Sark has another plan. Sloane releases tension, and a goon holds up a pan so that Sark can spit out the ball. Sark says that he didn't betray Sloane, and it's still his intent to combine efforts. Sloane asks what went wrong in Kashmir. Sark says that the Indians carried out an air strike and destroyed the Rambaldi artifact. Sark's contact, Gerard Cuvee, believes that Sark tipped off the Indians. Sark asks, with all due respect, if the leak could have come from SD-6. Sloane just looks at Sark real hard, his face betraying nothing.
Subbasement Of Dreams And Desires. Vaughn asks if Sloane has any idea that Syd sabotaged the operation in Kashmir. Syd says that if he did, she wouldn't be there. Vaughn guesses that since Sark failed to deliver, his partnership with Sloane may not last long. Syd says it isn't over yet, because Sloane is sending her to Paris with Sark tonight. Vaughn looks shocked, and asks why.
Cut to the Situation Room, where Sloane describes something called "The Echelon Satellite System," which filters communications from around the world and flags them based on words on an NSA watch list. Sloane says that it's been very successful in discovering threats to national security, but now Sark claims that a U.S. enemy may have access to the satellite. Syd shoots Sark a death look, which Sark ignores. Marshall smiles at Sark nervously. Sloane punches up a picture of Cuvee, and identifies him as "the former leader of the People's Revolutionary Front, a crime syndicate whose headquarters were raided by Indian authorities last week." Sark says that Cuvee once showed him an Echelon access terminal stolen from the NSA, which is kept at a front company in Paris. Sark explains that because of the recent raid, Cuvee thinks that Sark betrayed him, and will move the terminal as soon as possible. Sloane says that they intercepted a message indicating an armored transport in Paris tomorrow, which is when they believe Cuvee will move the terminal. Sloane tells Syd that she and Sark will head to Paris, intercept the transport, and bring the terminal back to SD-6. Sark looks at Syd, who looks like she wants to throw up.
Flashback to Vaughn explaining that if Sloane gets the terminal, "the Alliance will be able to eavesdrop on corporations, law enforcement, political campaigns," and thus "the potential for blackmail and insider trading would be unlimited." Syd asks what her countermission is. Vaughn promises to provide her with a program to upload to the terminal that will wipe the hard drive clean. Syd figures out that Sloane will think Cuvee installed a fail-safe to prevent unauthorized access. Syd says she'll do it on the return flight, because she and Sark are traveling separately so that no one can connect him to SD-6. She starts to walk off, and Vaughn tells her that he's meeting with Will tomorrow to prep him for the psych evaluation. Syd genuinely thanks him, and adds that she likes his new suit. Vaughn says that it's not new, but he just doesn't wear it very often, and adds that he just came from a funeral, like, way to bring down the room, Vaughn. Syd looks to him for an explanation, and Vaughn says, "The Plot Device That Is The Only Thing Preventing Me From Doing It With You Up Against This Chain-Link Fence Right Now's father died." Or he might have said, "Alice's father died." Either way, Syd looks down and then offers her condolences and asks how Alice is doing. Vaughn says she's doing okay, or as well as can be expected. Unlike that other Sunday night show, he doesn't add, "What are you gonna do?" Syd says to let her know if he needs anything. Oh, he needs something all right.
Syd walks down a hallway at SD-6 and is stopped by Marshall. He runs up to her and stammers that he knows she has a plane to catch, but he needs to ask a favor. Syd agrees, and he hands her a camera and asks her to take some pictures around Paris. Marshall explains that his mother thinks he runs global IT for the bank, so he Photoshops himself into travel pictures to show her. He pulls out a picture of himself in front of the Sphinx. Marshall adds, "Of course, I've never really left Southern California, but every once in a while I like to show my mom all of the places I've never really been to." Aw. Syd agrees to do it. Marshall tells her to have a safe trip, and says that he doesn't like to fly personally. After going on a bit too long in typical Marshall fashion, he takes off. Syd, like most of us watching at home probably, looks amused.
Paris. Sark, disguised as a cop, spots the van they assume is carrying the terminal, and radios Syd to tell her that the convoy is on the move. He follows the van. Syd stands on a bridge, disguised as a construction worker. She gets Sark's message, and whips out a laptop and starts typing away. Sark says, "It's a pity we're traveling separately. We could have used the time to get to know each other better." Syd snarks, "Yeah, I'm pretty broken up about that too." Meanwhile, shut up, Sark! Shouldn't you be concentrating on the mission? Sark says he's surprised that she's been able to contain her curiosity, given that he worked with her mother for many years, and even thinks of Irina as a mother himself. Ew -- that would make him Syd's brother, and yet he's still hitting on her. Syd tells him that they have nothing in common, and will never be friends. Sark asks if he gets any consideration for not telling Sloane that Syd tried to kill him. Syd reminds him that he can't give her up without blowing his own cover, and since she's almost hacked into the traffic control network, he needs to "get [his] head into the game." You tell him, Syd!
Jack goes to Irina's cell. She walks over and stands in front of him, and asks how his wounds are healing. I'm guessing she means both literally and figuratively. Jack ignores the question and says that she had a chance to betray them in Kashmir, and didn't. Irina guesses he still doesn't trust her. Jack carefully chooses his words: "Our …dealings would indicate that your strategy here may be long-term, so for now I trust that your behavior is predictable." Irina asks if "dealings" is code for "marriage." As if it just occurred to her, Irina points out that they might technically still be husband and wife. Jack gives her a look like, "Don't go there," and Irina apologizes. Jack tells her that Syd is on assignment with Sark, and he thinks Irina and Sark are still in cahoots -- that they are coordinating their efforts to infiltrate both SD-6 and the CIA. Jack assures her that her plans won't work, so he's going to offer her a deal. He will arrange for her to be relocated to a private residence on Puget Sound, where she'll be under twenty-four-hour surveillance, but have the illusion of freedom. In exchange, she will confess and tell them what she's really doing there, and why she turned herself in. Irina is silent, and Jack says he'll give her time to consider his offer, then walks away. Now, surely Jack could have arranged for her to go to a private residence that wasn't so far away. Why does he want Irina far from Syd? Interesting.
Back in Paris, Syd sees the transport van approaching and Sark's car not far behind. She tells Sark that she's turning the light red, and then does. The van stops just below the bridge on which Syd is standing. Syd pulls a large metal object out of a duffel bag. Flashback to Marshall: "It's two-for-one day here at Marshall's Tech Emporium. Not only is this magnetic shape charge capable of penetrating two meters of armored steel, but act now, it will also come equipped with a secondary tear gas munitions which will disable the guards inside the truck. Operators standing by! Hello?" I had to transcribe that speech because A) it was funny and B) I had no idea what most of it meant. In Paris, Sark exits his car and tells Syd he's moving in to disable the escort car. Syd drops the magnetic shape charge onto the top of the armored transport. Sark pulls out a gun and fires a tear gas bullet into the escort car. The magnetic shape charge explodes and blows a hole in the top of the truck. Syd waits for the shrapnel to fall, and then zip-wires down into the truck, wearing a gas mask. Once inside, she looks around, but doesn't find anything. Some cops come after Sark, but he shoots them, hopefully with tranquilizer darts. It didn't sound like a real bullet anyway. Syd hops out of the back of the truck and tells Sark that the truck is empty and the terminal was not inside. Sark realizes that the truck is a decoy. A guy hops out of the escort car carrying a briefcase, and Syd chases him. Traffic is completely stopped in both directions. Syd climbs up on the parked cars and leaps from vehicle to vehicle. At one point, she executes a very Bionic Woman-style leap. Finally, she catches up to the guy and leaps from a nearby car roof, executing a perfect scissor kick to the head to knock him out. She grabs the briefcase. Sark squeals up and tells her to get in the car. She does, and they take off. How he managed to get a car out of that traffic jam is another question entirely, but I find it's best not to question these things.
Jack walks into Sloane's office and is introduced to Faye Dunaway. The character's name is Ariana Kane, but like anyone can think of her as anything but Faye Dunaway. Or Joan Crawford. Sloane explains that Faye is the head of Alliance counterintelligence, and she "plugged the leak last year at SD-9." Jack has heard of Faye's work, and points out that the guilty party tried to frame Faye as the mole. Faye says that men always call women crazy when they're caught with their pants down. So she's a ball-breaker, then. Why am I not surprised? It's not exactly casting against type. Sloane says that Faye is there to investigate Emily's disappearance and the subsequent blackmail attempts. Sloane tells Faye that Jack knows everything. Faye has heard that Jack is a master strategist, and wonders where he would begin the investigation. Jack says he'd begin with himself, because Sloane has told him everything he would need to know to do it, plus, if Sloane's standing with the Alliance were undermined, Jack would be a candidate to inherit Sloane's job.
Faye thinks that's "a hell of an answer" because it's true, but it's also the only thing Jack can say to "diminish [his] viability as a suspect." I tried to figure out what in the hell kind of accent Faye was going for here, and then I realized that she's not doing an accent -- she's unable to move her upper lip at all. Botox? I don't know, but try talking without moving your upper lip and you'll sound just like her. Jack says that Faye is aware of game theory, which would invalidate his approach, so the best course of action he can take is to tell the truth. Faye looks at Sloane like, "Ooh, feisty." Sloane nods back like, "Oh, if you only knew." Sloane tells Faye that as soon as Jack is eliminated as a suspect, he'll be happy to assist her. Jack agrees, and excuses himself. Faye thinks the whole thing over. Or maybe she's still futilely trying to move her upper lip.
Will and Vaughn meet. Will says that he's been having that dream where you're at school and they won't let you graduate because you failed a test. Vaughn explains that the test isn't for general knowledge, because it's just a psych profile. Will jokes that he can't fail, but he can find out that he's a sociopath. I just know they're leading up to some big Will revelation this season, but I cannot figure out what it is. And it's killing me. Vaughn tells Will that some of the test questions may be shocking, "like things you might punch someone out at a bar for asking." That must be a guy thing, because I would never punch someone out at a bar for asking a question. Unless they asked me to punch them out. Even then, I don't know that I would. Will asks what happens if he does okay on the test. Vaughn says Will will be cleared to read classified documents and given a government salary, which isn't much. Will reminds him that compared to his current situation, it's champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Vaughn tells Will to be honest, because if he's caught in a lie, he'll be automatically disqualified. Hmm. You think that might come up later? Vaughn explains that SD-6 might still be following Will, so he has to take the test somewhere other than a federal building. Vaughn explains the procedure as we see Will enter a post office and go into a back room to take the test.
Will and Syd sit in a bar as Will bitches about the test. He says that one of the questions was: "If forced to choose, who would you rather kill? A: Your mother. B: Your father. C: Yourself. And 'none of the above' wasn't even an option. I mean what the hell does that measure?" Syd nods and says that it measures whether or not you'd be willing to sacrifice your life for your country. Will realizes that makes sense. Syd says that she got Francie season tickets to the Hollywood Bowl for her birthday from both of them. Wow, what a great present -- except that neither of them will ever be available to go with her, and she's not dating anyone, so each time a concert comes around, she will be reminded of her failed relationships and shitty friendships. Or maybe I'm overthinking it. Will tells Syd that Francie is right, and that they don't tell her anything. Syd says, "I know. I hate it too. But after Danny and what happened to you, I've accepted the fact that it's a gesture of love to deceive the people I care about." Will looks a bit taken aback; Syd just sips her wine. The door opens, and Syd sees Vaughn and Alice walk in. Syd stands up to greet them. Alice greets Syd as "Rita." Will and Vaughn pretend not to know each other until Syd introduces them. Syd offers Alice condolences about her dad, and Alice coos, "Michael's been amazing," as she leans into Vaughn's side. Syd looks like she wants to throw up as she agrees that Vaughn is an amazing guy. Awkward pause. Awkward pause. Awwwwwwwkward pause. Will tells "Rita" that they're going to be late to meet their friends, and everyone says goodbye. Syd and Vaughn look back at each other as Syd and Will walk out the door. Alice must be really dumb not to have noticed how weird that was. And also, these people are supposed to be undercover agents, and yet they can't hide the awkwardness of that moment? How do they not get killed?
SD-6. Situation Room. Sloane tells Syd that the terminal she brought back from Paris was equipped with a fail-safe that erased the hard drive. Sloane is happy that Couvee no longer has the terminal, but says he might still be able to access the Echelon satellite. Sark explains that one of Couvee's men called a data facility in London, and it's likely that Couvee stored a copy of the Echelon software on a secure server there. Jack adds that Couvee could reverse-engineer a terminal. Sloane orders Syd to retrieve the files and delete them from Couvee's server. Marshall interrupts, "The facility is wired with electronic countermeasures and the computer's secured via military-grade encryption, so any decryption device or radio contact would be detected, so the only way the terminal could be accessed is by somebody who knows how to crack polymorphic algorithms." Syd says she can't do advanced calculus in her head. Sloane says, "That's why you're going in with Marshall." Marshall asks, "Marshall who?" Everyone just stares at Marshall, who pales and asks, "Wait a minute. What?" Sloane says that Marshall is the only one who can hack the server without using an electronic device. Marshall says he's not field rated. Sloane says he will be by the time he leaves -- Sark will help him review, and Syd will take good care of him. Marshall just sits there, mouth agape, terrified.
Syd and Vaughn meet in the chain-link fence place. Vaughn says that once Marshall copies the files, Sloane will be able to reboot the Echelon terminal. Syd says that Marshall has a photographic memory, and once the files flash across the screen, he'll remember them. In other words, sabotaging the storage device won't work, because Marshall's brain is the storage device. Vaughn slowly says that they can pull Marshall out of SD-6. Syd is shocked. Vaughn says quickly that Devlin made it clear that SD-6 cannot be allowed to access Echelon, and sabotaging the mission is too risky right after Kashmir, because it will make Sydney seem even more suspicious. Syd is silent. Vaughn says that there are no other options. Syd is still silent. Vaughn says that when they return from London, Marshall will be taken into protective custody and "transported to Langley for an extended debrief." Syd finally speaks: "As ridiculous as this sounds, SD-6 is his whole life. It's never easy finding out everything you believe in is a lie." Vaughn says they'll try to make it easy, and will give him the option to work for the CIA. Syd asks about Marshall's mom. Aw. Vaughn says it will be up to Marshall, but they can bring her into protective custody too. Syd seems to accept this, and asks about her cover story with Sloane. Vaughn says that Syd will separate from Marshall at the airport, where they will intercept him, leaving Syd plausible deniability. Syd says she has to pack. Vaughn brings up the awkwardness at the bar. Syd quickly asks if he saw the security camera, and Vaughn, somewhat disappointed, says they sent guys in to retrieve the tapes so no one will be able to connect Vaughn and Syd. Syd says that Alice seems really nice. Vaughn says that she said the same. Then they stare at each other some more and look sad some more. You've watched this show before. You know the drill.
Faye is questioning Jack. She asks how long he's known Sloane. Jack says it's been thirty years, and Sloane was his superior at the CIA. Faye adds that when Sloane left the CIA, he invited Jack to work with SD-6. Jack says they were both disillusioned with the U.S. government and believed (and still believe) "that the Alliance would succeed in achieving global dominance." I am totally fascinated by Faye's upper lip now. She asks why Sloane recruited Syd behind Jack's back. Jack says that Sloane knew he would have been opposed. Also, Sloane doesn't trust easily, and Sloane recruited Syd to ensure that he'd have Jack's loyalty. Faye says, "You're asking me to believe that Sloane took your daughter hostage to ensure your friendship?" Jack says that they can't just cry foul when things don't go their way. Faye makes a note and then asks with whom Jack has had intimate contact in the last ten years. Jack asks why she wants to know. Faye says that secrets are more often revealed through pillow talk than torture, and some woman may have heard Jack talk in his sleep. Jack replies, "There is one way for you to verify if my nocturnal activities are a security risk, [Faye], and somehow, I think we'd both prefer the torture." Ooh, burn. Faye giggles like, "Well played, Bristow." She asks what happened to the gentleman she met earlier. Jack says he got tired of her "baseless accusations." Faye says she doesn't trust anyone who doesn't know when he's being insulted. Jack asks if they're through. Faye pauses and then says, "Yes. For now." Jack runs out like he's on fire. He really didn't want to answer that question, did he?
Syd and Marshall sit in an airplane, waiting for takeoff. Marshall types furiously on his laptop. Syd asks what he's doing. Marshall hacked into the airplane computer to make sure the pilot is correctly going through his pre-flight checklist. Marshall jumps at a noise from outside and assures himself that it's normal. Syd asks if it's really his first time on a plane. Marshall says he couldn't sleep last night, so he memorized the flight manual. Marshall hears another noise and starts freaking out, then apologizes to Syd. She notices that he's sweating and suggests that he remove his jacket. Marshall quickly says no, and then confesses that he compressed a parachute and put it in his jacket, just in case. He adds that his belt turns into a tandem swing, so the parachute can serve them both. Syd thanks him. Marshall says, "You don't have to thank me. It's my job to keep you safe." Aw. Syd looks guilty. Marshall hears another noise and starts freaking out yet again. Syd points out a kid across the aisle that is playing a Gameboy Advance. Marshall laughs a bit and says, "Oh, a little kid playing…is he, is he, is that all right, is he allowed to…onboard play. You're not supposed to…sorry. Can I get a ginger ale?" Hee. I love Marshall. I will cry and cry if anything bad happens to him.
London. Syd, wearing a mid-length auburn wig and black evening gown, and Marshall, wearing a tux (!), walk into a concert hall while complimenting each other in British accents. When they enter the hall, Marshall is taken aback by how nice it is. Because he's never been out of Southern California. Syd pull him along. As they walk down a hallway, Marshall talks to every single person. Syd whispers that he should try to be inconspicuous. Marshall agrees and then talks to another person. Syd reprimands him gently, but Marshall protests, "I think I know her!"
Flashback to Sark explaining that box seats have been reserved for them at Royal Hall behind "Thatcher Powell, Cuvee's head of IT security, and the only man with access to his secure server." Powell attends the London Philharmonic on the third Saturday of each month and watches while drinking a bottle of Crystall. A whole bottle? Himself? Wow. Syd and Marshall arrive at their seats as the orchestra tunes up. Marshall leans forward and whispers to Powell that Bach is his favorite composer. As Marshall blathers on about Bach, Syd slips a pill into Powell's drink. Marshall slips in and out of his British accent as he concludes, "If it ain't baroque, don't fix it." Syd pulls him back and apologizes to Powell. Sark voice-overs that the drug should take effect in five minutes, and the goal is to make Powell think that he just fell asleep, so it's a mild dose. Sark adds that they will have to steal the access card, get across town to the facility, download the software, and return the key to Powell's pocket before intermission. Syd notices that Powell has nodded off. She slides forward and lifts his wallet out of his jacket pocket. She extracts the card, returns the wallet, and looks over at Marshall. He's smiling and enjoying the performance. She gets his attention, and they walk out.
Syd and Marshall run into the data facility. Syd tells the security guard that she and Marshall work for Jennings Aerospace, and the CFO's laptop was stolen, so they need to access the backup server. Marshall, by the way, has switched over to a Cockney accent at this point. I don't know how Jennifer Garner made it through these scenes without cracking up. The guard asks for the corporate PIN, and Syd gives it to him. The guard directs her to the second floor. Syd says they won't be more than ten minutes, and Marshall yells out, "Cheerio!" Flashback to Sark explaining that SD-6 has opened a bogus account at the facility under the name Jennings Aerospace, which will get them past the front desk, and security will be light, since it's late. Sark say that Cuvee has the entire third floor as his own.
Syd and Marshall arrive on the third floor. Marshall is all fired up about Syd's performance thus far. Two guards approach them and ask how they got into the restricted area. Marshall starts yelling at them in a made-up language. The guard tries to take Marshall into custody. Syd knocks both of the guards unconscious, but not before one of them shoots Marshall! Noooooo! Syd runs over to him, and realizes that it was just a tranquilizer gun. She pulls it out before he gets a full dose. Marshall mutters, "Thank God for the British and their anti-gun laws, right?" Marshall insists that he's okay as Syd helps him up. Syd asks what he said to the guards, and Marshall thinks he said "I can smell you from here" in Ewok. Syd isn't sure what that means, so Marshall explains, "Official language of the indigenous creatures of the planet Endor?" I thought that sounded familiar. Marshall looks down, then looks at Syd, horrified. He says, "I think I peed myself a little. I mean, not a lot. You know, a little squirt." This last admission made, Marshall swoons and starts to fall. Syd grabs him and shakes him. Marshall insists that he's okay. They start to walk, and Marshall falls to the ground again.
Syd reaches the server room and uses Powell's card to gain access. All the while, she is practically carrying Marshall and urging him to stay awake. She sets him down in front of a computer and tells him to focus. He blearily says, "I love you." Syd slaps him, and he snaps back into consciousness for a moment. She tells Marshall he only has to access it and she'll do the rest. She places his hands on the keyboard, and Marshall insists that he's got it and it's all good. He logs in. Before he can get full access, he passes out again. Syd notices and slaps him again, which only makes him call her "Mama." Syd desperately kisses Marshall on the mouth, and that does the trick -- Marshall is now wide awake. He gets in, and Syd tells him he's a genius. She starts the download just as Marshall does a face-plant on the keyboard. Moments later, Syd practically carries Marshall out past the curious security guard at the front desk.
Back at the symphony, the orchestra is just finishing. The applause wakes Powell up, and he says that he must have dozed off. Just as you're wondering who in the hell he's talking to, Syd answers, "Well, you certainly weren't the only one." She gestures to Marshall, who is sound asleep, although he wakes up too. The camera lens changes to the POV of someone who is looking through binoculars. We see someone checking out Syd, Marshall, and Powell. Then the person rolls off in his or her motorized wheelchair. It's Steven Hawking! Come on, if you were as smart as him, wouldn't you totally use your powers for evil?
Los Angeles. Syd and Marshall arrive at the curb outside the airport. Syd explains that the car waiting there will take Marshall home. Marshall wonders if the driver will take the scenic route, because he's got "this unbelievable filmstrip running in [his] head" starring himself and Syd, and he wants to watch it a few more times before going back to his room. Syd looks sad. Marshall says at least he has some real pictures of London to show his mom. Syd smiles and hugs Marshall, then looks worried. Marshall is all happy as he gets into the car. Syd calls out to him, then seems to reconsider. Marshall looks at her like, "Yeah?" and finally Syd comes up with, "See you soon, okay?" Marshall starts to get in the car, then stops and tells Syd, "You know the best part? I've never been prouder to be one of the good guys." Syd smiles halfheartedly until Marshall gets in the car, then watches as he pulls away.
In the back seat of the car, Marshall talks to his mom on the phone. He asks the driver to drive by a particular nightclub. Suddenly, the driver squeals to a stop. Two other vehicles pull up, and armed men get out and open Marshall's door. An incredibly scared- and confused-looking Marshall asks, "What's going on?" I hope he hung up the phone before all of that happened, or his poor mother probably had a heart attack.
Francie arrives home to discover that Syd and Will arranged a surprise party for her. She thinks that's why they've been so secretive lately. Later, Francie, Will, and Syd dance and laugh.
Sloane tells Faye that Jack is not the blackmailer. Faye thinks that Jack's answers are too perfect, and he even gets angry when it makes strategic sense for him to. Sloane says that Jack had nothing to do with it, which is why his answers are perfect, and asks if Faye has any evidence to the contrary. Faye leans in and hisses, "Contrary to what you tell your subordinates, we are not the U.S. government. I don't need probable cause to go after Bristow. All I need is a hunch." Sloane reminds her that he's been Jack's partner for thirty years. Faye says that Jack is Sloane's blind spot, and she's talked to the heads of all of the other SD cells already. She found that they're all afraid of Sloane. Faye concludes, "Except? For Jack Bristow. Who I promise you. Is hiding something."
Jack walks up to Irina's cell and asks if she's thought about his offer. She nods, sighs, and shakes her head. She says, "I have nothing to confess, Jack. I know you find it hard to believe I'd turn myself in to make up for my mistakes, but that's the reason. The only reason I'm here." Jack asks why she didn't just refuse the offer, if that's the case. Irina says she considered whether or not to fabricate a confession just to get out of the cell. Jack non-sequiturs that she's right; even though their marriage was entered into under false pretenses, it's still valid until it's annulled, so they're still married. Technically. Irina looks like she's going to cry. Jack starts to walk away, but she calls him back. She says that so far she's only agreed to be debriefed by Sydney, but from now on, she'll talk to him too. Jack seems taken aback, and he quickly walks away.
Vaughn watches the whole Jack/Irina interaction on a monitor. His phone rings and he picks it up. After listening, he asks, "What do you mean we didn't pick up Marshall at the intercept point? Who did?" What? Yeah! Who did?
Marshall lies in one of those torture chairs. His blindfold is removed, and he sees a shadowy figure holding torture devices. He begs the man not to hurt him. The man rolls over and leans in. It's The Sadistic Dentist Of Asian Persuasion who tortured both Syd and Will! No! He is a bad, bad man. Marshall grunts in fear and pain. I seriously cannot watch Marshall be tortured. It's like watching someone kick a puppy.