In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
When AAdrianna learns that her dreams of reality infamy are a no-go without Navid's release form, she sets her sights on destroying the bitch that ruined her life. Naturally, she enlists Silver in this undertaking. Silver convinces Navid to sign the release so that AAdrianna will be distracted from her quest for vengeance. Unfortunately, it's this very maneuver that results in AAdrianna seeing taped footage of Silver wearing the earring AAdrianna found in Navid's bedroom and, thus, allowing AAdrianna to discover that Silver is, in fact, the bitch that ruined her life.
Speaking of bitches ruining lives, Scuzzin' Emily ramps up her path to domination of the Bev Niner by convincing everyone that Annie is a horrible person. Frankly, it's surprising it takes the lies and theatrics that Emily devises to make that happen. I mean, this is someone who killed a hobo and tortured us with her emo bullshit for the last two and a half years. In any case, Emily first tells Liam that Annie is violently jealous of their friendly relationship. Of course Annie overreacts like a maniac at the very mention that Liam is talking with Emily. He is weirded out by her jealousy... until Emily shows up at his house, wears nothing but one of his shirts, and asks to spend the night. Amidst all this, Emily also sets up Annie for failure on her job by ordering a soy latte, to which Emily is supposedly allergic. Annie reads her the riot act in front of her boss, which gives Emily the perfect opportunity to rip shit up at the playhouse, make it look like Annie did, and get Annie fired. Annie marches into West Bev and slaps the shit out of Emily in front of everyone in the quad and gets suspended, hurting her chance to get into college.
Also having trouble on the college front is Naomi. She learns that she's been wait-listed at the college of her dreams, so she decides to supplement her extracurriculars with a sexy man calendar that will make money for charity. Silver offers to photograph the calendar, but Naomi's computer falls apart mid-shoot. Naomi calls on her geeky crush Max, despite the cognitive dissonance she feels when she's around him due to his nerdiness. He recovers the lost data, and she can no longer resist lunging at him. Sadly for Naomi, Max informs her that she's not his type.
In also-rans, newly minted dope smoker Ivy does find her type in a cute stoner from UCLA. They meet at the weed store, they smoke up like there's no tomorrow, and he takes her for an orgasmic night of plane spotting. Teddy, on the other hand, feels all alone. Since he came out, he senses weirdness between himself and the others guys. Silver lets Dixon and Navid know how Teddy's feeling, so they overcompensate tremendously by taking him (and a reluctant Liam) to the gay club. Liam gets hit on immediately and flees the scene. Teddy follows after him, and they bond over the fact that neither of them likes clubbing. Not so much Dixon and Navid, who are dancing up a storm and quickly becoming the toast of West Hollywood. Now there's a plot arc I would like to follow. Writers, make it so!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Teddy was outed. Emily outfoxed Annie. Naomi flipped out over her feelings for a nerd. And Navid kicked AAdrianna's ass out the door... but not before she found out he was cheating on her and set a plan for vengeance.
West Bev. Naomi and dweeby-sexy Max peer into microscopes in the science lab. Within seconds, Max calls Naomi an "amazing specimen," and you know it must be a dream. Naomi leans coyly, and they slowly drift toward one another. Max takes off his glasses and sets them on the counter behind him as they start furiously making out. Naomi is so hungry for it, that she ends up pushing him back onto the counter and crushing his glasses. That crunch signals to her that something is wrong. "Nothing's wrong," Max says as he puts on the broken specs. "In fact, it's as right as a 90-degree angle." Even as he speaks, his face takes on an off-putting affect not unlike OG sexy nerd, Lewis Skolnick. Props to Josh Zuckerman for the physicality. And while I'm handing out kudos, let's have one for the music supervisors, who underscored this scene with the throbbing beats of "E.T." by Katy Perry, which simultaneously brings the sexy and features a nerd component. At any rate, Naomi wakes up from her nightmare and lets out a moan of both horror and titillation.
Now on to the real West Bev, where Dixon and Liam are playing pool and casting their biopics. Dixon criticizes Liam's pick to be played by James Dean on the grounds that James Dean is dead. Liam thinks 56-year-old Denzel Washington isn't any better a choice for Dixon to have made. Once Liam insults Dixon's pool skills, they get into it physically. Navid breaks up the tussle by telling them about an upcoming girls' volleyball championship he has to cover for one of the Blaze writers who has fallen ill. As they yuk it up about all the bobbing boobs they'll be ogling that weekend, Teddy comes in and asks what's up. The guys clam up because, clearly, now that Teddy's a big ol' gay, he'd never want to go to some icky event that's all girls. Sheesh. As the bell rings, Teddy notices the weirdness. He heads off and is sad when they don't even say goodbye.
Meanwhile, Naomi meets up with the school guidance counselor, a.k.a. Not Kelly Taylor. Naomi apologizes for being late, saying she couldn't sleep and praises Jeebus for hemorrhoid cream. When Not Kelly returns a baffled expression, Naomi explains that the cream reduces the puffiness. She can't believe that Not Kelly wouldn't know this trick since it is her job to guide students. Seems Naomi has a different idea of what guidance entails. In any case, Not Kelly called the meeting to talk about college. Naomi says she can't wait to be rid of the nerds in high school. Not Kelly tells her that being smart and well-read is actually an admirable, appealing trait for collegians. This puzzles Naomi. Not Kelly gets to the real point of the meeting: Naomi was wait-listed at CU. She thinks that this is good news since Naomi wasn't flat-out rejected, but Naomi is disheartened that her improved SAT scores and involvement in the Blaze filming segments with headlines like "Is Fat Contagious?" wasn't enough to get her accepted. Not Kelly gives her a sympathetic cock of the head and gives Naomi the wait list letter.
Out in the hall, Emily spots Liam walking down the hall absent-mindedly as he checks his smartphone. She devises to bump into him "accidentally." He is friendly and dopey as ever, so she takes the occasion to lay it on thick about how hard life has been now that Annie hates her and calls her a bitch all the time. She says it's been sad because she idolized Annie a kid. She lays down the death blow by suggesting that Annie would be livid just to see Liam talking to Emily. Being a guy, Liam does not understand these catty dynamics. He tries to defend Annie, but the seed has been planted in his mind.
In the cafeteria, Dixon asks Ivy whether it would be an adventure or a horrible mistake to choose the mystery sushi on offer. She says it's probably made from fugu, the Japanese blowfish that is fatally poisonous if it's not prepared correctly. Having grown up in Kansas, Dixon says he's never eaten fugu. She says she knows a restaurant that serves it downtown and invites him to join her for dinner. He asks if they'll go as friends. She admits she was hoping for more. He gently tells her he's not ready to take that step yet because he's still upset over what happened with Ausscar. Ivy makes a quick excuse and leaves with her tail between her legs.
Beach club. Silver meets AAdrianna just as the reality show producer calls to give the update on AAdrianna's show. It's not good news, mainly because Navid refused to sign a release to be in the show. The producer doesn't think there's enough drama and has shelved the project for now. With that, AAdrianna's career looks irredeemable. Instead of realizing she's a boring brat, AAdrianna blames it all on Navid. Silver asks if there's anything she can do. "You know what, there is something you can do," AAdrianna says as she pulls out the earring she found in Navid's bedroom. "You can help me find the cheating whore who has ruined my life." Silver = gulp. Credits.
West Bev. Annie gets nostalgic as she and Liam walk through the schools hallways and talk about graduating in a few months. Liam tells her that he applied to Drexel University in Philadelphia so he could be close to Pittsburgh, home of Carnegie Mellon where Annie hopes to attend. Annie says she's worried about her chances of getting in now that she didn't get the role in the play. Liam preemptively tells her it's time to move on and goes to bat for Emily, saying she didn't steal the part purposefully. Annie bugs out and insists Emily had every intention of screwing her over. Liam says Annie shouldn't punish Emily and lets it slip that Emily told him Annie's been giving her the silent treatment. As predicted, Annie is livid that Liam is consorting with her sworn enemy. Liam thinks it's silly that Annie cares this much. Annie says she doesn't trust Emily and orders Liam to stay away from her. Liam tells her to chill out and walks away... and right into Emily's web.
Blaze room. Silver and Navid make a big show of being business-like as she walks in. After he closes the door, though, he lunges in for a smooch. She pushes him away gently and says they need to talk. She explains that the producer put the kibosh AAdrianna's reality show, leaving her with nothing to do and a heart full of vengeance. Navid thinks they need to find something to distract AAdrianna and proposes they pawn her off on Dixon now that he's single. Silver -- a.k.a. Dixon's ex-girlfriend (not to mention a person with some decency left in her) -- thinks that's a bad idea. She begs Navid to sign the release. Then the show can go on, and AAdrianna can return to focusing on her career. Navid doesn't want to air his laundry in public, but Silver flips the chick switch and begs him to do it.
Science lab. After her make-out dream, Naomi squirms as Max nerds out about the universe, the narrowness of human understanding, and all things "you can't see with the naked eye." Naomi: "Please don't say naked." She pretends to be frustrated that she can't find a file on her computer, so he offers to take a look. When his hand brushes against hers, she yelps out. He jumps back, and she quickly lies that she's on edge after finding out that she's on CU's wait list. He tells her, "Victor numquam cedit." She wonders if this Victor is cute, but he explains that it's Latin for "Winners never quit." As he fixes her computer, he assures Naomi that she is many things but not a quitter. He tells her colleges give preference to well-rounded students and suggests she beef up her extracurriculars. She's not too keen on the idea of marching band or chess club, but she thinks there's something to this idea. And with that, she has a new mantra: "Victor numbnuts quidditch!"
School ends, and Annie catches up with the other girls in the parking lot. She immediately starts moaning about how crazy Emily is driving her. Since Emily twisted Annie's words on the yoga retreat and made the other girls think Annie ca
lled them superficial, they're none too sympathetic about Annie's trivial problems. AAdrianna sugarcoats it that Annie might be sensitive, but Naomi cuts to the quick and calls Annie jealous for losing out on the part in the play. Annie says Emily is manipulative, untrustworthy, and fake. The others can't help but laugh bitterly since they think Annie called them fake, too. Annie insists Emily was making it up. Just then, Emily appears by the bike stand. Annie marches up to her to ask why she would tell the girls those things. Emily says that's what she heard. In the course of the supposed misunderstanding, Annie gets mad enough to let Emily show off those sparkling crocodile tears we've all come to know and hate. She pedals off sobbing, leaving the girls to tell Annie she's a real hag.
MILF Manor. MILF comes home to find Ivy lying on the couch and giggling like the stoner mess she is. Because the writers have no concern for character consistency but love them some moralizing, MILF gets her thong in a wad that Ivy's become a pothead. Ivy explains that she's been stressed out since her accident and has been using the ganja to cope. MILF suggests she see a therapist, which Ivy deems hypocritical. Then, like a total buzz kill, MILF confiscates Ivy's stash.
The day, Silver runs into Teddy at West Bev. He says he's eating lunch in the courtyard, not with the guys because things have been strained between them since he came out. He tells her about the volleyball weirdness and says that he's glad he came out, just wishes he still had his friends. Oh, my little gayby, looks like that drama queen side has been waiting to come out for far too long. Welcome to the team!
Over in the cafeteria, Ivy and Silver join Naomi as she recruits guys for a calendar she's shooting to raise money for clean water in Africa. She thinks this philanthropic endeavor will secure her a spot at CU. She thinks that best part (besides that whole "helping people" thing) is that she can get into her dream college while also finding a new guy to get her mind off of Max. She says her brain is playing tricks on her worse than when she "went on a juice fast." As she rambles on, Silver spots Liam, Dixon, and Navid across the room. She walks over to tell them to stop acting like asshats and be normal around Teddy again. They say they had good intentions when they didn't invite him to the volleyball thing but promise to be more inclusive from now on.
Abbott Playhouse. Annie delivers drinks to the cast, and Emily says that she didn't order a soy latte because she's allergic to soy. Annie shows her the sheet where she wrote down the orders, but Emily asks her if she would be a dear and "exchange" her drink for a chai latte. Annie goes from zero to bitchface in 0.2 seconds, telling Emily to get her own damn coffee. She storms out under the watchful eye of her boss.
That night, Navid begrudgingly meets AAdrianna at the beach club to sign his release form. He says he did it because he just wants her to be happy. She snipes, "It's a little late for that, isn't it?"
The day, Ivy meets with a doctor, who runs down the typical symptoms of anxiety and depression. Within seconds, he writes her a prescription and tells her it should help. She gets a smug grin on her face and asks, "So, where do I get the weed?" He recommends a dispensary around the corner, and she practically skips out of the room. Yay California!
Back at the Abbott Playhouse, Annie has come in for an early morning meeting. Her boss looks at her sternly and tells her to walk with her. As they walk, Annie apologizes for overreacting the day before. Annie's boss says she's seen plenty of emotional personalities in the theater but thinks Annie crossed the line. She opens up Emily's dressing room door to reveal that it's completely trashed with lamps overturned, picture frames smashed, "BITCH" scrawled across the mirror in lipstick, and, most damning, coffee splattered on the walls. Annie is stunned into silence. All her boss wants is for Annie to clean it up, but Annie wants to clear her name. She pulls out the same song-and-dance that has not worked once about Emily's devious behavior. Of course her boss doesn't buy it and tells Annie not to let the door hit her ass on the way out.
West Bev. Dixon finds Teddy and invites him out for a guys' night. Teddy happily accepts.
Elsewhere, Ivy hits up the stoner store and checks out all their hempalicious merchandise. A cute guy comes over and discourages her from buying a packet of cookies she's holding. She puts them down, and he immediately snatches them up. She calls him out for deceiving her. He prefers to call it outwitting. Because outwitting Ivy (stoned or not) is a real challenge.
Back at school, Naomi excitedly tells Emily and Silver that Navid's letting her use Shirazi Studios for her calendar shoot. As they go over the details, Annie comes in like a woman on fire. She screams at Emily across the cafeteria and literally launches into her. Cue rolling girl fight. Hair pulling, shrieking, the works. Naomi, of course, gets in a crack: "Annie's gone feral!" Then a teacher (not Invisible Man Matthews, mind you) pulls Annie off of Emily, even as Annie continues to heave with rage.
Ye Olde Weed Shoppe. Ivy turns the corner outside, where the cute stoner offers her a peace offering cookie. She plays hard to get for a moment, but the munchies eventually win out. He invites her to join him on an adventure, and they stumble through their skunky smelling haze into the subway, where Ivy marvels at the mechanics of subway construction. The fella just smiles and nods.
Shirazi Studios. Silver makes Jay Manuel look like an artistic genius as she attempts to direct and photograph Naomi's calendar shoot. The first set-up? A merman with a triton. Oh dear, those people in Africa are going to be thirsty. In the meanwhile, Naomi hits on one of the empty-headed models. Silver comes over to break the bad news to Naomi that Mr. July spilled his body oil all over Naomi's computer. Naomi freaks out that everything is going to fall apart. She asks which of the himbos knows about computers and is met with a dozen blank stares.
Night falls as Ivy and the stoner wander around under bridges in a fairly sketchy part of L.A. In what's probably the longest pot high of all time, she doesn't have the self-control to stop the verbal diarrhea. She admits that she is starting to feel paranoid about walking around with some pothead she met just that day because he could be some crazy killer. Then she admits that maybe she shouldn't be saying these things out loud in case he actually is some crazy killer. He assures her he's not a crazy killer, just a freshman at UCLA named Raj. She introduces herself properly, and they shake hands in stoner solidarity.
Elsewhere, the guys reach their intended destination, over which is a giant rainbow flag and a sign that reads "MANDATE." Awesome. Teddy is immediately uncomfortable for about a million valid reasons, but the guys insist they want to support him and his lifestyle, so they all head inside. Wherein they look at the ugliest gays I've ever seen (do gays fist pump? they do at Mandate!) and make extremely stilted conversation about how awesome the lights are. Navid, God bless him, asks Teddy to explain bear culture to him. And Dixon randomly starts pointing in different directions, asking Teddy, "Do you think he's hot?" Yikes. It all becomes too much for Liam when a guy offers to buy him a drink. Liam bolts, and Navid lies that Liam is a recovering alcoholic. Love him.
Out in the darkness, Ivy tells Raj she's had enough sitting around and doing nothing. He tells her to be patient. A second later, a plane takes off right behind them, blazing into the night sky. They lay back into a hillside and take in the sight. Also, it appears that Ivy has an orgasm. Cheap date!
Outside Mandate, Teddy finds Liam. Liam apologizes that he's not comfortable with "the whole gay thing" yet. Teddy says neither is he. He says the adjustment has been difficult, but he's glad that he's being honest now. Liam says he thought he knew Teddy, so Teddy reassures him that they're both still the same people. Liam says he needs to figure out how to fit into this new dynamic they're forming, but he says he surely won't start disco dancing and queening out like Dixon and Navid are literally doing at that very minute. Teddy admits that gay clubs aren't really his scene either. In fact, he doesn't really know what is his scene. Liam encourages him that he'll figure it out. Teddy suggests they take off and grab a burger. They debate whether to grab the other guys and, looking inside again at Dixon and Navid's enthusiastic dancing, laugh that they'll have more fun staying at the club.
Max has foregone his Torchwood marathon in order to come to Shirazi Studios and save the day. He confirms that Naomi's computer is fried and says that running a computer without backing it up is like walking around with no underwear. Naomi: "What's wrong with that?" Just as it seems all hope is lost, Max rev
1 2 3 4
eals that he put an auto-back-up program on it last time he tinkered with it. All her stuff has been saved to an account on the Internet. She throws herself on him in a hug, then pulls away anxiously when she likes the embrace a little too much. Max tells her she can bring his laptop to chemistry class tomorrow, then starts to leave. The himbo she was hitting on earlier tries to pick back up the conversation, but Naomi can't take her eyes off of Max. She finally takes a leap of faith and runs after him. She throws him up against a wall, tells him she can't stop thinking about him, and tells him not to tell anyone as she kisses him ferociously. Once she finally untangles her tongue from him, he says sheepishly that he's flattered, but she isn't his type. As he schleps off, Naomi mumbles, "I thought I was everyone's type."
La Casa Nueva. Debbie takes Annie to task for starting a fight, getting suspended from school, and hurting her chances for college. Annie stands up yet again to deliver the "Emily did it!" speech, but finally realizes that it's useless. She sits back down, broken and silent.
Over at Liam's lair, he notices that something is amiss. He calls out and gets a response from Emily, who's in the other room. She says she couldn't bear to go home and face Annie. She finally walks out to reveal that the only thing she has on is one of Liam's oversized shirts that's seductively draped to reveal a bare shoulder and a lot of leg. She purrs, "I was hoping I could spend the night."
Downtown, AAdrianna meets her producers for a screening of her pilot. They congratulate her on getting this far and tell her they're going to pitch it to the studios as The Hills meets Keeping Up with the Kardashians, only sexier and crazier. They dim the lights and the credit sequence begins. Candid shots of the gang mix in with glamour flashing shots of AAdrianna as David Guetta and Rihanna's "Who's That Chick" plays in the background. When an image of Silver and Naomi pops up on screen, AAdrianna's face goes hard. She asks the producers to hit pause and zoom in on that shot. There it is in front of her, the "cheating whore who ruined my life" earring.
week: Naomi trades in Narciso Rodriguez for Na'vi couture.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see the CW shows we'd like to see cross over. And then watch vloggers Val and Beth compare the show to the original, below!
1 2 3 4
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
1 2 3 4