By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.When AAdrianna learns that her dreams of reality infamy are a no-go without Navid's release form, she sets her sights on destroying the bitch that ruined her life. Naturally, she enlists Silver in this undertaking. Silver convinces Navid to sign the release so that AAdrianna will be distracted from her quest for vengeance. Unfortunately, it's this very maneuver that results in AAdrianna seeing taped footage of Silver wearing the earring AAdrianna found in Navid's bedroom and, thus, allowing AAdrianna to discover that Silver is, in fact, the bitch that ruined her life.
Speaking of bitches ruining lives, Scuzzin' Emily ramps up her path to domination of the Bev Niner by convincing everyone that Annie is a horrible person. Frankly, it's surprising it takes the lies and theatrics that Emily devises to make that happen. I mean, this is someone who killed a hobo and tortured us with her emo bullshit for the last two and a half years. In any case, Emily first tells Liam that Annie is violently jealous of their friendly relationship. Of course Annie overreacts like a maniac at the very mention that Liam is talking with Emily. He is weirded out by her jealousy... until Emily shows up at his house, wears nothing but one of his shirts, and asks to spend the night. Amidst all this, Emily also sets up Annie for failure on her job by ordering a soy latte, to which Emily is supposedly allergic. Annie reads her the riot act in front of her boss, which gives Emily the perfect opportunity to rip shit up at the playhouse, make it look like Annie did, and get Annie fired. Annie marches into West Bev and slaps the shit out of Emily in front of everyone in the quad and gets suspended, hurting her chance to get into college.
Also having trouble on the college front is Naomi. She learns that she's been wait-listed at the college of her dreams, so she decides to supplement her extracurriculars with a sexy man calendar that will make money for charity. Silver offers to photograph the calendar, but Naomi's computer falls apart mid-shoot. Naomi calls on her geeky crush Max, despite the cognitive dissonance she feels when she's around him due to his nerdiness. He recovers the lost data, and she can no longer resist lunging at him. Sadly for Naomi, Max informs her that she's not his type.
In also-rans, newly minted dope smoker Ivy does find her type in a cute stoner from UCLA. They meet at the weed store, they smoke up like there's no tomorrow, and he takes her for an orgasmic night of plane spotting. Teddy, on the other hand, feels all alone. Since he came out, he senses weirdness between himself and the others guys. Silver lets Dixon and Navid know how Teddy's feeling, so they overcompensate tremendously by taking him (and a reluctant Liam) to the gay club. Liam gets hit on immediately and flees the scene. Teddy follows after him, and they bond over the fact that neither of them likes clubbing. Not so much Dixon and Navid, who are dancing up a storm and quickly becoming the toast of West Hollywood. Now there's a plot arc I would like to follow. Writers, make it so!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Teddy was outed. Emily outfoxed Annie. Naomi flipped out over her feelings for a nerd. And Navid kicked AAdrianna's ass out the door... but not before she found out he was cheating on her and set a plan for vengeance.
West Bev. Naomi and dweeby-sexy Max peer into microscopes in the science lab. Within seconds, Max calls Naomi an "amazing specimen," and you know it must be a dream. Naomi leans coyly, and they slowly drift toward one another. Max takes off his glasses and sets them on the counter behind him as they start furiously making out. Naomi is so hungry for it, that she ends up pushing him back onto the counter and crushing his glasses. That crunch signals to her that something is wrong. "Nothing's wrong," Max says as he puts on the broken specs. "In fact, it's as right as a 90-degree angle." Even as he speaks, his face takes on an off-putting affect not unlike OG sexy nerd, Lewis Skolnick. Props to Josh Zuckerman for the physicality. And while I'm handing out kudos, let's have one for the music supervisors, who underscored this scene with the throbbing beats of "E.T." by Katy Perry, which simultaneously brings the sexy and features a nerd component. At any rate, Naomi wakes up from her nightmare and lets out a moan of both horror and titillation.
Now on to the real West Bev, where Dixon and Liam are playing pool and casting their biopics. Dixon criticizes Liam's pick to be played by James Dean on the grounds that James Dean is dead. Liam thinks 56-year-old Denzel Washington isn't any better a choice for Dixon to have made. Once Liam insults Dixon's pool skills, they get into it physically. Navid breaks up the tussle by telling them about an upcoming girls' volleyball championship he has to cover for one of the Blaze writers who has fallen ill. As they yuk it up about all the bobbing boobs they'll be ogling that weekend, Teddy comes in and asks what's up. The guys clam up because, clearly, now that Teddy's a big ol' gay, he'd never want to go to some icky event that's all girls. Sheesh. As the bell rings, Teddy notices the weirdness. He heads off and is sad when they don't even say goodbye.
Meanwhile, Naomi meets up with the school guidance counselor, a.k.a. Not Kelly Taylor. Naomi apologizes for being late, saying she couldn't sleep and praises Jeebus for hemorrhoid cream. When Not Kelly returns a baffled expression, Naomi explains that the cream reduces the puffiness. She can't believe that Not Kelly wouldn't know this trick since it is her job to guide students. Seems Naomi has a different idea of what guidance entails. In any case, Not Kelly called the meeting to talk about college. Naomi says she can't wait to be rid of the nerds in high school. Not Kelly tells her that being smart and well-read is actually an admirable, appealing trait for collegians. This puzzles Naomi. Not Kelly gets to the real point of the meeting: Naomi was wait-listed at CU. She thinks that this is good news since Naomi wasn't flat-out rejected, but Naomi is disheartened that her improved SAT scores and involvement in the Blaze filming segments with headlines like "Is Fat Contagious?" wasn't enough to get her accepted. Not Kelly gives her a sympathetic cock of the head and gives Naomi the wait list letter.