Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Emily the Deranged
By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.21.2011
lled them superficial, they're none too sympathetic about Annie's trivial problems. AAdrianna sugarcoats it that Annie might be sensitive, but Naomi cuts to the quick and calls Annie jealous for losing out on the part in the play. Annie says Emily is manipulative, untrustworthy, and fake. The others can't help but laugh bitterly since they think Annie called them fake, too. Annie insists Emily was making it up. Just then, Emily appears by the bike stand. Annie marches up to her to ask why she would tell the girls those things. Emily says that's what she heard. In the course of the supposed misunderstanding, Annie gets mad enough to let Emily show off those sparkling crocodile tears we've all come to know and hate. She pedals off sobbing, leaving the girls to tell Annie she's a real hag.MILF Manor. MILF comes home to find Ivy lying on the couch and giggling like the stoner mess she is. Because the writers have no concern for character consistency but love them some moralizing, MILF gets her thong in a wad that Ivy's become a pothead. Ivy explains that she's been stressed out since her accident and has been using the ganja to cope. MILF suggests she see a therapist, which Ivy deems hypocritical. Then, like a total buzz kill, MILF confiscates Ivy's stash.
The next day, Silver runs into Teddy at West Bev. He says he's eating lunch in the courtyard, not with the guys because things have been strained between them since he came out. He tells her about the volleyball weirdness and says that he's glad he came out, just wishes he still had his friends. Oh, my little gayby, looks like that drama queen side has been waiting to come out for far too long. Welcome to the team!
Over in the cafeteria, Ivy and Silver join Naomi as she recruits guys for a calendar she's shooting to raise money for clean water in Africa. She thinks this philanthropic endeavor will secure her a spot at CU. She thinks that best part (besides that whole "helping people" thing) is that she can get into her dream college while also finding a new guy to get her mind off of Max. She says her brain is playing tricks on her worse than when she "went on a juice fast." As she rambles on, Silver spots Liam, Dixon, and Navid across the room. She walks over to tell them to stop acting like asshats and be normal around Teddy again. They say they had good intentions when they didn't invite him to the volleyball thing but promise to be more inclusive from now on.
Abbott Playhouse. Annie delivers drinks to the cast, and Emily says that she didn't order a soy latte because she's allergic to soy. Annie shows her the sheet where she wrote down the orders, but Emily asks her if she would be a dear and "exchange" her drink for a chai latte. Annie goes from zero to bitchface in 0.2 seconds, telling Emily to get her own damn coffee. She storms out under the watchful eye of her boss.
That night, Navid begrudgingly meets AAdrianna at the beach club to sign his release form. He says he did it because he just wants her to be happy. She snipes, "It's a little late for that, isn't it?"
The next day, Ivy meets with a doctor, who runs down the typical symptoms of anxiety and depression. Within seconds, he writes her a prescription and tells her it should help. She gets a smug grin on her face and asks, "So, where do I get the weed?" He recommends a dispensary around the corner, and she practically skips out of the room. Yay California!
Back at the Abbott Playhouse, Annie has come in for an early morning meeting. Her boss looks at her sternly and tells her to walk with her. As they walk, Annie apologizes for overreacting the day before. Annie's boss says she's seen plenty of emotional personalities in the theater but thinks Annie crossed the line. She opens up Emily's dressing room door to reveal that it's completely trashed with lamps overturned, picture frames smashed, "BITCH" scrawled across the mirror in lipstick, and, most damning, coffee splattered on the walls. Annie is stunned into silence. All her boss wants is for Annie to clean it up, but Annie wants to clear her name. She pulls out the same song-and-dance that has not worked once about Emily's devious behavior. Of course her boss doesn't buy it and tells Annie not to let the door hit her ass on the way out.
West Bev. Dixon finds Teddy and invites him out for a guys' night. Teddy happily accepts.
Elsewhere, Ivy hits up the stoner store and checks out all their hempalicious merchandise. A cute guy comes over and discourages her from buying a packet of cookies she's holding. She puts them down, and he immediately snatches them up. She calls him out for deceiving her. He prefers to call it outwitting. Because outwitting Ivy (stoned or not) is a real challenge.
Back at school, Naomi excitedly tells Emily and Silver that Navid's letting her use Shirazi Studios for her calendar shoot. As they go over the details, Annie comes in like a woman on fire. She screams at Emily across the cafeteria and literally launches into her. Cue rolling girl fight. Hair pulling, shrieking, the works. Naomi, of course, gets in a crack: "Annie's gone feral!" Then a teacher (not Invisible Man Matthews, mind you) pulls Annie off of Emily, even as Annie continues to heave with rage.
Ye Olde Weed Shoppe. Ivy turns the corner outside, where the cute stoner offers her a peace offering cookie. She plays hard to get for a moment, but the munchies eventually win out. He invites her to join him on an adventure, and they stumble through their skunky smelling haze into the subway, where Ivy marvels at the mechanics of subway construction. The fella just smiles and nods.
Shirazi Studios. Silver makes Jay Manuel look like an artistic genius as she attempts to direct and photograph Naomi's calendar shoot. The first set-up? A merman with a triton. Oh dear, those people in Africa are going to be thirsty. In the meanwhile, Naomi hits on one of the empty-headed models. Silver comes over to break the bad news to Naomi that Mr. July spilled his body oil all over Naomi's computer. Naomi freaks out that everything is going to fall apart. She asks which of the himbos knows about computers and is met with a dozen blank stares.
Night falls as Ivy and the stoner wander around under bridges in a fairly sketchy part of L.A. In what's probably the longest pot high of all time, she doesn't have the self-control to stop the verbal diarrhea. She admits that she is starting to feel paranoid about walking around with some pothead she met just that day because he could be some crazy killer. Then she admits that maybe she shouldn't be saying these things out loud in case he actually is some crazy killer. He assures her he's not a crazy killer, just a freshman at UCLA named Raj. She introduces herself properly, and they shake hands in stoner solidarity.
Elsewhere, the guys reach their intended destination, over which is a giant rainbow flag and a sign that reads "MANDATE." Awesome. Teddy is immediately uncomfortable for about a million valid reasons, but the guys insist they want to support him and his lifestyle, so they all head inside. Wherein they look at the ugliest gays I've ever seen (do gays fist pump? they do at Mandate!) and make extremely stilted conversation about how awesome the lights are. Navid, God bless him, asks Teddy to explain bear culture to him. And Dixon randomly starts pointing in different directions, asking Teddy, "Do you think he's hot?" Yikes. It all becomes too much for Liam when a guy offers to buy him a drink. Liam bolts, and Navid lies that Liam is a recovering alcoholic. Love him.
Out in the darkness, Ivy tells Raj she's had enough sitting around and doing nothing. He tells her to be patient. A second later, a plane takes off right behind them, blazing into the night sky. They lay back into a hillside and take in the sight. Also, it appears that Ivy has an orgasm. Cheap date!
Outside Mandate, Teddy finds Liam. Liam apologizes that he's not comfortable with "the whole gay thing" yet. Teddy says neither is he. He says the adjustment has been difficult, but he's glad that he's being honest now. Liam says he thought he knew Teddy, so Teddy reassures him that they're both still the same people. Liam says he needs to figure out how to fit into this new dynamic they're forming, but he says he surely won't start disco dancing and queening out like Dixon and Navid are literally doing at that very minute. Teddy admits that gay clubs aren't really his scene either. In fact, he doesn't really know what is his scene. Liam encourages him that he'll figure it out. Teddy suggests they take off and grab a burger. They debate whether to grab the other guys and, looking inside again at Dixon and Navid's enthusiastic dancing, laugh that they'll have more fun staying at the club.
Max has foregone his Torchwood marathon in order to come to Shirazi Studios and save the day. He confirms that Naomi's computer is fried and says that running a computer without backing it up is like walking around with no underwear. Naomi: "What's wrong with that?" Just as it seems all hope is lost, Max rev