By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.AAdrianna finds herself in a quandary re: embarking on a solo singing career under the wing of Ivy's Matthews-schtupping mom. First there's the issue of her (minimal) guilt at abandoning The Glorious Steinems. More importantly, she's afraid the rock 'n' roll lifestyle will pose too much of a threat to her newly sober lifestyle. Navid encourages her to take the opportunity and promises not to tell any of the band members, causing a rift between him and his new gf-slash-Steinems guitarist. More surprisingly, it causes tension between AAdrianna and RuWill -- primarily because AAdrianna consulted Navid rather than her gf on this life-changing matter. Navid makes it up to his lady friend through a cotillion-inspired romantic date. AAdrianna considers taking the route of a self-absorbed, self-serving prick for a minute until Mama Ivy gives her some pretty solid advice not to let the industry or the lure of fame change her. But alas! AAdrianna's attempt to apologize to RuWill only results in her realizing that the flame-haired lesbian sire has been the self-absorbed, self-serving prick the whole time -- in this instance by cheating on AAdrianna, like, 13 seconds after their first fight. Nice. Later that night, Navid runs into AAdrianna in the throes of a creative cliché as she's writing a mournful cheating ditty. They weirdly commiserate over AAdrianna cheating on him and it's just like older times. Only bicurious-er.
Naomi continues sinking into the quicksand of her whack allegations against Cannon. Making things worse, Liam encourages her by telling her he loves her. Somehow, she pulls herself out of the downward spiral and tells the truth to avoid ruining Cannon's life. Who knew she had it in her? Frankly, I'm disappointed. Naomi tries to explain herself to Liam, but it looks like she may have lost him for good. Which, fair enough. He kind of told her that's exactly what would happen if she was a lying skeeze like her sister. So Liam returns home to his mother's house to find his dad has broken out of the pokey ready for some father-son QT.
Ivy persists in the fauxmance with Dixon, despite indicators that he is way more into it than she. Moved by a particularly unsexy DJ lesson courtesy of the accidental boyfriend, Ivy convinces her mom to hire Dixon for a hot Hollywood party at their home. In exchange, she wants a dramatic, public break-up. She assumes Liam will come crawling back to her now that Naomi's been exposed. She's forgetting, of course, that Liam never wanted her in the first place. He has no qualms telling her as much, and it's kick-ass because the surfing slag had it coming. Ivy returns home as Dixon wraps up his DJ duties, and he consoles her over the end of her non-relationship with Liam. And by "console" I mean admits he has feelings for her. D'oh! She's just vulnerable and pathetic enough to go for it.
Annie and Silver dress up like Amy Winehouse-meets-Real Housewives in order to score a test drive on a replacement car. Is it just me or did the car she chose to signify the end of the Jasper era look exactly like Jasper's? Damn, she's oblivious. Their little joy ride brings on a flashback of Hobo Rampage 2009 when Annie unwittingly drives down the very same road that played host to Hobo Joe's vodka-and-self-pity-soaked death. For better or worse, Annie's PTSD gives her newfound compassion for teacher-teaser Naomi, and they bond over the equally horrific circumstances they have created for themselves. Let the joint meltdown begin!
Also, Matthews smokes up with Ivy's mom, transitioning all too quickly from a righteous mellow to harsh paranoia. Seriously, why is this guy still around? Send him over to Melrose Place so he can be dispatched of more humanely, like Ashlee Simpson(-Wentz).
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Annie killed a hobo. AAdrianna sang a ditty and scored a potential recording contract with Ivy's Matthews-boffing mom. Ivy fake-dated Dixon. Naomi twisted the truth -- more than usual -- and Liam got physical
We open in what appears to be Xanadu as Ivy's MILF mom day drinks her way into a glorious musical partnership with AAdrianna. AAdrianna admits she feels guilty about leaving The Glorious Steinems, but MILF says soon enough she'll be so busy she won't even remember ever joining a post-feminist pun(k) rock band. She invites AAdrianna to a hot industry party she's hosting, telling her to think of it as an amuse bouche of sorts for her new life. "It's going to be an amazing ride," she tells her.
Beach club. Teddy complains to Dixon about a jellyfish sting he got while surfing that morning. Dixon changes topics, wondering if he can hold off on the money he owes Teddy's dad's bookie for a bet gone wrong. He thinks the Lakers game will bring him great riches. Mmmmhmmmm. This shit is going to get real in a couple weeks, just you wait. Dixon spots Ivy and goes over to fake canoodle with her. Teddy excuses himself, and Ivy tells Dixon he can get his dirty mitts off her already.
That night, Matthews and MILF make out in his beat up old car. Matthews says he had a really good dinner. I might just lose mine. Ivy's in my camp as she knocks on the window and tells them to tamp down the PDA. MILF says Ivy's cool, but Matthews shakes his head, seemingly worried that he's losing all respect and credibility as a teacher. I've got news, Matthews: You never had it in the first place.
Speaking of PDA, AAdrianna publicly smooches RuWill at West Bev the morning. Navid inadvertently gets a front-row seat, so he follows RuWill into the Blaze room to ask how things are going with AAdrianna. He does a little tap dancing for a while until he finally blurts out the point with absolutely zero suavity: "Did I make AAdrianna gay?" Ha! RuWill laughs at him and assures him that's not how it works. If anything she made AAdrianna gay, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms I don't want to open. Nor is Navid's "skills... you know, between the sheets." He goes there regardless. A bit of awkward silence before he cutely mumbles that AAdrianna is a good person and RuWill should look after her. RuWill heads off to class, leaving Navid to face Lila's thinly veiled jealousy. He assures her he's just showing a little friendly concern, then patronizingly kisses her on the forehead.