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Lots of reunions, dissolutions, and second chances. Let's start with Annie, shall we? All the quicker to be finished with her. So homegirl is still pretty bent out of shape about having to sacrifice her time and oh-so-pleasant company to Dark Lord Jasper. She proves to still have a smidgen of conscience when things turn rape-y and he basically tells her that he'll fink on her to the LAPD if she doesn't recapture their "magic" in bed. She essentially tells him she'd rather go to prison than have sex with him again, though does leave a little wiggle room by fudging there's a one-in-a-million chance she'll get back together with him if he keeps her secret. He shows up intermittently to proffer pictorial evidence of her crime and generally act like a creep. So she drafts a confession letter to free herself of his thrall, then he promises in the eleventh hour to wait for her if she will return to him like a hobo-tramplin' butterfly. Annie returns to gabbing about dresses with her girlfriends that night, as you do when you've just gotten off the hook for murdering someone, though she doesn't realize she left an archived document of her confession on her laptop.
Speaking of confessions, Dixon finally comes clean to both Silver and Teddy about thwarting their romance during Winter Wonderland. Only after realizing he has no shot in Hell with Silver. Wait, not then? Oh yeah, only after being caught red-handed by Silver when Teddy's sister finally comes over to introduce herself. Even then, Silver balks at giving Teddy another chance, since he returned to pimpin' so soon after things didn't work out between them. Ultimately, she decides to go with her heart and give it a go with Teddy.
Naomi and Liam, another couple on rocky ground last week, finally figure out what's been missing. You might be surprised to believe it's Naomi. Apparently she's been trying so hard to be a good girlfriend to Liam that she stopped being the feisty bitch he fell in love with in the first place. And all it takes is a little meddling from Ivy (not intended to benefit Naomi, it's worth noting), a rough-and-tumble walk in the woods, and an actual tumble in the sand with Ivy, plus some hair-pulling, to bring old Naomi back.
In remainders, Matthews and AAdrianna both find solace in the warms of women -- Matthews in a '70s rock groupie-turned-cougar, who just happens to be Ivy's mom; AAdrianna in sappy-movie loving RuWill, who has effectively ended a real lesbian relationship to pull her U-Haul up to not-even-aware-she's-bicurious AAdrianna. Also, shoehorned into the episode, Dixon rues being rejected by his mother only to have her show up on the Wilsons' doorstep and interrupt their Jeopardy-inspired family bonding moment. And all I can say is, bitch, don't mess with Harry's trivia night. He will cut you.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: The Great Teddy Mindfuck of '09 became The Great Silver Mindfuck of '10. Naomi and Liam lost their emotional connection (which is kind of a laughable concept to begin with). Annie wished she knew how to quit Jasper. And Jasper pulled a switcheroo on wannabe-narc Navid, getting Navid busted for drug possession.
Naomi has taken Silver and AAdrianna shopping to soothe their stress about Navid's incarceration, but AAdrianna is still freaking out because she knows Navid was framed. They run into Annie at a sidewalk café and invite her along to help Naomi find the perfect LGD (Little Gold Dress). Just as Annie says she wishes she could come, Jasper emerges from inside the restaurant, all bug-eyed and spindly. Of course, that's his normal look, but isn't it just right considering he's a tweaked-out drug dealer? The girls take their clue that Annie won't be joining and make themselves scarce. Jasper acts all mopey that Annie's not his little Stepford Ho. She snaps that she's here, what else does he want? He says he wants things to go back to the way they were and invites her back to his house to hang out. She gives him the cold shoulder, and he slams his fist down on the table as he whines about her attitude. By "attitude" do you mean resistance to blackmail-induced sex? You do? Okay, just as long as we're on the same page. He reminds her what's at stake. Her lip crumples, and she reluctantly agrees to go with him.
West Bev. Dixon approaches Silver, Teddy fast on his heels. She completely ignores Teddy, who seems to have disappeared and chirps that she wants to get back together. They make out. And in case you couldn't tell, this is a dream. He heads downstairs for breakfast like he owns the world. The family makes fun of his aggressive cologne, but he can't be bothered. He tells them he's finally worked something out. Debbie thinks it's about his birth mother, but Dixon says she hasn't gotten back in touch. He lets it slide off his shoulder, saying she'll be in touch when she wants to.
Now at West Bev for real this time, he approaches Silver just as he did in the dream. She says exactly what she did in the dream... until the getting back together part. Instead, she says she wants them to be friends and assures him it has nothing to do with Teddy. She bluntly tells him she doesn't have feelings for him anymore, but she does like having him back in her life. He takes it begrudgingly, and they go their separate ways.
In the caf, things continue to be unbearable between Naomi and Liam. God bless her, she's been researching boats in an effort to have something (anything!) in common with him. Just as they begin to actually chat in full sentences, Ivy breaks in on the progress by throwing a French fry at him. He engages her in a playful food fight, and they fist bump before Ivy leaves just as abruptly as she came. Liam sits back down, and the conversation has been effectively killed. Point, Ivy.
Naomi finds Ivy outside to double-check that she's truly over Liam. Ivy says she is, so Naomi offers "fabulous fashion tips" in exchange for some help with Liam outside of the bedroom. Ivy isn't too keen on this proposition (witness: last week's leopard print baguette). She makes an excuse that she couldn't possibly know what ails Naomi and Liam as a couple, since she doesn't spend much time with the two of them. Naomi latches onto that idea, inviting her for a little threesome bonding. Ivy says she knows just what to do, and Naomi hugs her giddily. Mind you, Naomi hasn't actually heard Ivy's dynamo suggestion.
That night, Annie arrives to Jasper's room. He has lit candles and tells her that his parents are away. He says they haven't been connecting lately. He thinks it's because they haven't been intimate. She thinks, "Aaaaaaah, rapist!" He tells her that she'll remember their "magical" bond. She says no and is only met by more insistence on his part. She asks if he's threatening to call the police if she doesn't have sex with him. His response? "Don't be vulgar, Annie." Full disclosure, I shouldn't have laughed, but I totally did. What a creep. Regardless, after some touchy-feely (no pun intended) speech about re-harnessing their chi of some shit, he basically acknowledges that either she'd better give it up, or he will. Credits.
We return to the scene of the Grimes, Annie prostituting herself in full, skin-crawling glory. Jasper pushes her onto the bed, and she realizes she still has some morals (only when they pertain to her, of course, and not homeless canyon walkers, obvs). She jumps up and tells him that if not having sex with him means going to the big house, then so be it. Oh, but wait! She flips the script on his ass, saying that he won't snitch on her if he really loves her. Because if he turned her in, there would be no chance they'd ever get back together. It may just be batty enough to work. Though, let's be honest, I still hope this ends up with Annie covered in duct tape and in a trunk somewhere. She leaves, and Jasper leans on his conveniently transparent door, breathing heavily. What the eff is wrong with this kid?
The day, Matthews asks Naomi to stick around after class. She starts to cover her ass for plagiarizing Wikipedia, but he tells her he just wanted to check on how she's doing since Jen left town. She says she's fine and asks how he's doing. He doesn't get to answer, though, because she goes off about how Jen was just using him so her real boyfriends (read: sugar daddies) wouldn't think she was a gold digger. Matthews, not being privy to this information, looks like he just got punched in the gut. Naomi realizes her gaffe and apologizes, but Matthews says he's fine and tells her to head to her class.
Blaze office. RuWill asks AAdrianna if she knows anything about Navid, then apologizes for bringing him up. They commiserate about still having to see their exes every day (though that's not the case at present for AAdrianna). AAdrianna cedes that RuWill is the more miserable of the two of them, and they toast their waters to being losers.
Elsewhere, Naomi joins Ivy and Liam for a hiking adventure. She talks up the chance to wear khaki and gets a fist bump from Liam for being such a good sport. Ivy fakely apologizes for taking Naomi out of her element, but Naomi remains enthusiastic. For now.
Beach club. Silver schools Dixon on vegetarian eating and says it's nice to hang out again. He lies that it's nice. She asks about his birth mom, and he jokes that it's okay he hasn't heard from her because he's used to getting rejected. She gets the reference but is soon distracted when Teddy walks in with "that girl from the dance," who we and Dixon know to be his sister but who Silver still thinks is his piece. She snarks that they're practically in a long-term relationship if they've hung out since the dance. Dixon doesn't do anything to correct her, even when Silver notes that Dixon met her at the dance. He tries to change the subject, then Teddy's sister approaches the table. Silver hrmphs a greeting. Teddy's sister wastes no time, saying she can't believe Silver would reject "a great guy like [her] brother." Color Silver shocked. Dixon anxiously eats his food as Teddy drags his nosy sister away from the table. Yeah, enjoy that food, Dixon. Your tongue might be ripped out any minute. Silver confronts Dixon that he knew the truth all along. He says he was trying to protect her from Teddy's player ways, insisting she would have gotten hurt in the long run. Silver says he had no right to make that decision for her, then storms out.
Woods. Naomi lags behind as Ivy and Liam complain about their surfing coach. Liam notices that Naomi is getting more disheveled by the minute and checks on her. She insists she's fine, so Ivy hazes her a little, tells her to avoid the poison oak and garter snake nearby. Naomi gets so worked up she falls down. While Liam helps her up, she gets a good look at Ivy's smug mug. It's ON. Eventually, they make it back down. Naomi sends Liam off to fill up her water bottle, giving her enough time to call Ivy out for all her bullshit. She calls Ivy a coward for not admitting her feelings for Liam. Ivy admits it, then pointedly says Naomi and Liam suck as a couple. Naomi tells Ivy to stay away. Ivy says it'll be hard, since she and Liam surf together every day. Naomi says she has no qualms taking Ivy down. Ivy shrugs it off, but my money's on Naomi. She's just doing it for kicks at this point. And Ivy's a hag. I say go get her, girl.
West Bev. Dixon finds Teddy to come clean about his amateur trickery. Teddy is first relieved to find out the misunderstanding, then annoyed that Dixon broke the vows of brotherhood. Dixon mans up that he's got lots of excuses for his actions, then offers Teddy the chance to punch him. Teddy seems like he might laugh it off, but he ends up walloping Dixon in the gut anyway. With that, Dixon frees the way for Teddy to pursue Silver.
Out in the quad, AAdrianna and RuWill are making a date to watch sappy movies when RuWill's ex interrupts them to ask if she can call RuWill. AAdrianna thinks she might want to get back together and says she hopes it works out between them.
Out front, Annie walks past a motley crew of B-boys and Wall Street Traders (seriously, what was with the guy in the suit?) as she walks to her car. She finds an envelope on the windshield. Inside, a bunch of pictures of her smashed-up car post-hobo killin' spree. Jasper materializes (do I need to note that he does so creepily, or is that redundant by now?) to tell her that the pictures were actually pretty hard to track down. And yet here they are. He calls them a present, she's thinking more of a threat. She tells him he's won and that she's going to confess.
Beach. Naomi, in a Day-Glo bikini and zebra-striped cover-up, struts out on the beach to take in a little surfing practice. "Well aren't you cute?" she says to Ivy. "You look like a little wet seal." The Mean Girl-ing doesn't faze Ivy as she notes that she's heading off to get into the water -- with Liam. Naomi remains composed as she turns around to give Liam a look at her scrawny ass.
Back at West Bev, Teddy practically sprints up to Silver to clear the air. She apologizes for overreacting and kissing Dixon. He says he doesn't care and suggests they pick up where they left off. She says no. He proved her worst fears about him by returning to his player ways the minute things didn't work out between them, regardless of the circumstances. He tries to convince her things will be different this time, but she says he couldn't have liked her that much if he was able to move on so quickly.
Across town, Matthews drowns his sorrows at the bar. A slinky older woman (Kelly Lynch) teases that she's seen him at the bar a lot lately, then introduces herself as Laurel. She excuses herself to "put some real music on the jukebox," but really she just wants to give him a chance to check her out as she walks away so she can look right back at him. A tried-and-tested move for a cougar such as herself, no doubt.
Beach. Naomi opens up her picnic basket to Liam (not a euphemism), giving Ivy a chance to horn in and invite practically the whole team over to eat Naomi's sandwiches. Liam steps away for a moment, so they exchange barbs. The barbs escalate to passive-aggressive attacks, and finally Naomi is full-out hurling herself on Ivy for a good ol' girl fight, hair pulling and all. Liam finally notices them rolling around in the sand and runs over to break it up. Note he pulls Naomi. Girl is fierce. He asks what's going on, and Naomi comes out with Ivy's machinations. Granted, she sounds a little crazy in that particular that decibel of screech. Ivy denies, denies, denies. Naomi works herself up into a frenzy, finally admitting that Ivy's not really the problem. The relationship is. She screams she's sick of trying to force conversation and pretend she's into things for Liam's benefit. If Liam doesn't like her for who she is, that's too bad. She runs off leaving Ivy shame-faced and Liam stunned speechless.
Back at the bar, Matthews and Laurel are well into another round and having a rollicking conversation. Apparently she's quite the accomplished groupie. She refuses to kiss and tell about various members of The Rolling Stones, though she will admit Steven Tyler was better than all of them. She asks what's got him out of sorts, surmising it has to do with love. She presents herself as "hair of the dog." Matthews takes it.
West Bev. Does RuWill really get her own scene? Really?! In short, Alexa wants another chance. She leaves it hanging until she shows up at AAdrianna's house and lies that Alexa just wanted to give her some stuff back. AAdrianna restarts Love Story from the beginning so RuWill can appreciate it in all its maudlin glory. As they settle in, RuWill shoots lustful lesbian glances at AAdrianna.
Elsewhere, Annie is hard at work drafting a letter to her parents about the dead hobo. And speaking of drafts, she looks towards the window. JASPER! Dun dun dun! She turns the computer away and asks why he's here. He tearfully tells her he won't rat her out to the police. He's following the cliché "If you love something set it free..." and sadly asks him to come back to her, then hops out the window. Much relieved, Annie closes the file. Of course, the computer has automatically saved all the dirty details (the date, Homeless Joe's name, everything), so you know this shit is going to come back to haunt her. Until then, I must sit here and tinkle my fingers idly.
Beach Club. Naomi is fresh from a massage, booking an appointment for the day, and joking that girl fights tap into muscles she's not accustomed to using at the gym. The masseur opens the door to leave, and Liam is standing outside. Naomi says he can come in. She acts cool, saying he didn't have to come all this way to end things. As she jabbers on about break-ups, he pulls her in for a kiss. "What? Girl fights turn you on?" she asks. He acknowledges the distance between them since they got back together, saying some of it stemmed from how hard she was trying to make it work. He fell for Naomi when she was surly, shallow, and self-confident. He pulls at her robe strings and says he's glad she's back to old form. Then they do it on the massage table. Let's not think about that.
Down the beach, Ivy moans to Laurel -- her mother, it turns out -- about Liam and how Naomi is shockingly scrappy. Laurel smokes pot all the while, and I really hope she pulls Matthews into a seedy drug underworld. They promo'd him falling into alcoholism, but a Pineapple Express-style D-plot for Matthews could be kind of a hoot. Wow, they've really broken me down, haven't they?
After Naomi pulls her clothes back on, she meets up with all the girls (Silver, AAdrianna, and Annie) for a Sex and the City-esque grub and gab. Naomi now needs "the perfect LSD." Annie's all, "Drug dealer's girlfriend says, 'What?'" Naomi explains she's on the prowl for a Little Sequined Dress because men, like trout (Annie's metaphor), are attracted to shiny things. Can't say it's not true. She says she's glad she took a risk, even though she's got a few bruises and a potentially dislocated shoulder to show for it. Silver worries her trout is a player, but Naomi says she'll never know if she doesn't try. Annie suggests they order more food, and the camera pans out to show Jasper leering at her in the distance.
Later, Teddy is practicing his tennis swing when Silver shows up to follow Naomi's advice. She blurts out that she doesn't want to be with him, then clarifies that she doesn't want to want to be with him. She's scared to trust him. He asks what they do now. Well, obviously, kiss! "You better not hurt me," she says. He smiles and goes in for another kiss.
Casa Wilson. Debbie, Harry and Dixon watch Jeopardy. Harry somehow knocks all the answers, and inevitably it's a hokey bit about Harry TiVo-ing it and memorizing the answers. The doorbell rings while they're having an aw-shucks-y laugh about it. Dixon opens the door to find his birth mom. Cut to black.
week: Silver gets testy about all the female attention coming her man's way. Naomi's suggestion? Implants. The bitch is back, y'all.
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