Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Quiet Before the Storm
By Lady Lola | Season 2 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.10.2009
Casa Nueva. Dixon tells Harry and Debbie that he's going over to DJ Hottie's to apologize to her face. Debbie tries to dissuade him, saying it's obvious that DJ Hottie is avoiding him. He won't hear it, so Harry scrambles, telling him they're about to have dinner. Dixon says he'll just go afterwards, and Debbie realizes she's cooked. She and Harry have him sit down so they can finally tell him the truth: DJ Hottie was never pregnant in the first place, and Debbie cast her out of the kingdom. Dixon is stunned. He feels betrayed that his parents knew such a massive secret and kept it from him. Debbie says she didn't want it to come out like it has. She was protecting him so he wouldn't stop trusting women. His response, rightly, goes a little like, "You didn't want me to stop trusting women, so you lied to me in the biggest way possible?" Debbie has no response.
Across town, Annie stinks up Kris Jr.'s with her robot-like line reading for the audition the next day. Instead of clamping a clothespin over his nose, Kris Jr. compliments her for about 12 minutes straight, saying how beautiful and intelligent and deep she is. He caps it off saying he can't believe how lucky he is to have found her. Being a hobo murderer without any self-esteem to speak of, she falls head over heels for it. Kris Jr. carries on with the line reading, but she breaks character and tells him she loves him. He says that wasn't her line, and she's immediately embarrassed because obviously he doesn't feel the same way (or maybe he's just disoriented from the stench of their own self-appreciation). He says, on the contrary, he does love her, he just wanted to say it first. He pulls her in for some more making out. And, I have to admit, he's pretty damn sexy, despite the unctuous flattery and Sonic the Hedgehog hairdo. When it counts, though, Kris Jr. is a man.
The next day, Navid finds Kris Jr. in the hall and calls him a scumbag. He tells him he saw the drug deal, but Kris Jr. insists she was paying him back for some lunch money he let her borrow. Then he rubs it in that she and Navid broke up. Navid tells him to stay away from AAdrianna. Kris Jr. insists he's not a dealer for the millionth time, then adds ominously, "But if I was, I wouldn't be the kind of guy you'd want to mess with, would I?" Navid asks if Kris Jr. is threatening him. Kris Jr. plays it cool.
Out on the beach, Teddy, Ivy, and Liam wax up their boards. Liam notices some guys out in the water and gets territorial about their beach. Teddy tells him to chill, so he redirects his displaced anger onto Liam. Ivy looks at Teddy, all, "I told you so!" Teddy just shrugs it off.
Meanwhile, Silver returns home. Jackie beckons her. Silver enters the dining room, which has been set up like the moon. Party hat-wearing Jackie wishes her a happy birthday and tells her she's making up for all those lost weekends and birthdays. The moon set-up is in celebration of Silver's seventh birthday, when she wanted to be an astronaut. Jackie leads her into the next room, which has a kid-sized rocket in it, and gives Silver a fishbowl space helmet to put over her mouth. Silver is amazed. Jackie tells her it's just the start. They head to another room that's bedecked with a giant boom box, sparkly pink wigs, and disco balls, amongst other things. Jackie clicks on the boom box, which plays "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." Silver realizes this is her twelfth birthday, when she was obsessed with the '80s. And, for a moment, I'm a little sad because Silver views the '80s as an artifact when it was, in fact, my childhood. Am I allowed to feel old? Silver asks how Jackie pulled off this amazing mega-party. Jackie says her nurses chipped in, but mainly it was Teddy, who spent hours gussying up the place with his movie star dad's Hollywood friends. Silver gets a little choked up that people finally care about her.
Casa Nueva. Debbie knocks on Dixon's door to apologize for good intentions begetting bad decisions. He walks out and grabs his keys from the living room, where Harry is watching a sports game. Harry stops watching the game to tell Dixon to take a chill pill, even if he is upset with his mom. Dixon pulls the ultimate bitch move and shoots a dagger straight through Debbie's heart: "Whatever. It's not like she's my real mom." Whoa. Even under the circumstances, that is some lowdown and dirty shit.
Back at Silver's birthday bonanza, she and Jackie roast marshmallows. Jackie asks why Silver wanted a camping party way back when. Silver attributes it to horror movies. She used to love them because they would take her out of her own head and distract her from her problems. Jackie realizes that she was, in fact, Silver's problems. Silver doesn't sugarcoat it. Jackie apologizes, even though she knows an apology doesn't make up for anything. Silver says that Jackie's apology means a lot to her, as does this spectacular birthday experience. She tears up, saying her biggest fear was that Jackie would die, and Silver would have no good memories to hold on to. But now they have this night together. Silver composes herself, and returns to her marshmallow to avoid any more sappiness. Jackie tells her to save her appetite for the big half-birthday barbecue she's hosting with all of Silver's friends tomorrow. Silver is thrilled. They toast their toasted marshmallows.
Out at the beach, Dixon finds Teddy surfing. He tells him he got an alert that the waves were killer, plus he needed to get out of the house and reveals what he's learned about DJ Hottie. Teddy can't believe. Dixon jokes that he needs an alert for when crazy girls approach, adding that it probably beeps non-stop. Their refreshing banter is interrupted when Liam picks a fight with the other surfers on the beach. Teddy, Dixon, and Ivy physically have to pull him off. Liam runs off, and they follow close behind to ask what happened. Liam tries to blame the other guy, but Teddy won't have it. All three of them stand up to him and tell him they're his friends, so come clean with what's getting him down.
Liam finally gives in, admitting that someone's been telling lies about him. He walks off, but they follow him again to ask who. He tells them it was Jen and all the lies and manipulations she's been foisting on him. He doesn't want to get any further into it, but they block him from getting into his car and vow to wait it out until he spills all the dirty details. Liam admits he had sex with Jen at the prom after-party. Dixon is surprised that he didn't sleep with Annie. Ivy is grossed out by Liam sleeping with his girlfriend's sister. Liam explains that Jen lied about who she was and has been trying to ruin his life ever since. Liam vows to destroy Jen before she destroys him. Teddy, Dixon, and Ivy join the fight to take "that Amazon bitch" down. Now that is a development I can get behind. It'll be like the Ghostbusters facing off against that giant marshmallow man. Can't wait!
Elsewhere, Annie finds Kris Jr. in his bedroom. She's bummed that she didn't get the part. He showers her with saccharine praise that ends with the phrase, "You're beautiful. You're talented. You're Annie." Ummmm, excuse me. One of these things does not belong with the other. No matter because Annie is hooked. She breaks away from their embrace to tell him that she loves him and wants to have her first time with him. He lets out a goofy half-grin that's perfect. She follows this up with a Megan Fox-meets-Lolita lip bite-finger-to-mouth combo that's revolting. I'm surprised he didn't throw up in her face at that crap. But alas, there will be no projectile vomit on Murderous Annie Wilson today. The disrobing and collapsing on the bed continues until we're left with a shot of Annie in her training bra, straddling Kris Jr. It's not suggestively phallic Empire State Building, but I guess it'll have to do.
Back at the beach, Liam apologizes to Ivy about snapping at her that she wasn't his girlfriend. She would have been happy for him to stop there, but instead he continues on that of course she must know that she's not his girlfriend. Bubble burst, twice. She claims they're cool as she climbs into her car. He invites her to dinner, joking that she'll get a chance to prove her ketchup packet-hoovering abilities. In her mind, she knows that it's not a good idea and, for a second, she follows her mind. Then, as he walks off, she leans back all yearningly Colbie Caillat-esque and lets her heart make the decision. She hops out of the car and runs after him as they plan where to go.
Back at West Bev, Navid is in the early stages of his plan to take down Kris Jr. Also in the room, RuWill, whose dissipated friend won't flip for the cause. Navid vows to find another way to bring him down.
At the same time, a widely grinning Annie obsessively reads over this text exchange on her phone:
Kris Jr.: I can't focus on homework. All I can think abou