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Trick or treat, bitches. It's Halloween in the Bev Niner. Of course, the writers half-ass it (as always) and barely acknowledge the holiday -- save a few plot-propelling discussions about the Beach Club's annual party -- until the episode is nearly over. Aside from one big shocker at the :59 mark, it all adds up to the visual equivalent of scrounging through the half-opened, once-melted candy at the bottom of your pillowcase three months after Halloween. And an entire Halloween-themed hour sans Nicky Driscoll? Unacceptable.
Goobers: Annie and Kris Jr. get closer, despite pretty much everyone in the world telling her he's mondo creepy. She can only hear the mainstream hegemony talking, though, because she's, like, so on the margins now. She's all, "Damn you, preppies! Damn you and all your white-bread non-hobo-killin' values!" Ummmm, Annie. Remember how you're from frickin' Kansas? And the white-bread-iest person in the world? Easy to forget, I suppose. Especially when she's "borrowing" vintage Rolls Royces (seriously?) for joy rides to film a "scene" for Kris Jr.'s "movie." He actually sucks her into that crap with, "Remember, you're my muse, babe." God, this is embarrassing for everyone concerned.
Milk Duds: Thanks to Jackie's need for constant care, Silver struggles to keep her head above water school-wise. In particular, she flakes out on a group project with Teddy. To prove that he's not a total arse, he covers for her to the detriment of his own grade. He later finds out how Jackie is dragging Silver down and finds her to bond and give her comfort since his mom conveniencidentally died, too. Apparently comfort in Teddy's world = lobbing balls off of roof tops. Whatever floats your boat, boss.
Airheads: Harry continues to (sub?)consciously cater to Kelly's crush on him. This leaves Debbie on the shit end of the stick. She's still harboring ill feelings for his Freudian slip last week when he blows off a lunch date with her to comfort Kelly. That night, Debbie blows up at him, forcefully pointing out Kelly's feelings. He calls Kelly to disprove Debbie's suspicion, but her uncomfortable response makes it clear Debbie was right-on.
100 Grand: Naomi actually shows some class for five seconds when she realizes that her blossoming feelings for UC's BMOC could be the real deal. She breaks it off with EnviroTutor, to the detriment of her chances of getting into her dream college. I suspect securing her admission now will cost a family donation of about as much as this paragraph's title.
Sour Patch Kids: Liam meets his match in a female surfer named Ivy. He cuts her off in competition, so she fakes cramps to get ahead. They settle it with a surf battle. Wake me when one or more of their arms is bitten off by a Great White.
Baby Ruth? Dixon realizes that dating DJ Hottie on the DL is cutting into his social life, so he dumps her. He seems to get off unscathed until she comes to the Beach Club to tell him her Halloween costume year will be "Single Mom." Dixon knocked a bitch up!
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Silver, with loyalty to her sister/guardian and cancer-stricken mother, was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Dixon took three tries and two utterly implausible professions to land himself in a relationship with an older woman. Naomi began a love triangle with the crunchy tutor who can get her into California University and the jock she hopes to date when she gets there. And Debbie decided three was a crowd when Harry accidentally called her Kelly's name after a drunken boys' night out.
Beach. Liam catches a few waves before school. As he backs out of his parking space, a beachy-haired girl in an SUV back right up on him. Well, his car. She's bummed about popping a fin on her surfboard. He's pissed that she smashed his passenger side door. They squabble back and forth, an immediate sign that she'll be hanging ten in these parts for a while to come.
CalU. Naomi settles in for what will surely be an uncomfortable date night with EnviroTutor. While he debates over which hippie-dippy Earth movie they should watch, she turns the subject to his mother, the Dean of Admissions and Naomi's ticket to matriculation. Naomi starts to vie for some face time with her, but ET's roommate, the jockish BMOC walks in. ET says some petty environmentalist shit about how much of the bill BMOC is responsible for -- and how it's not the money but his debt to the planet that he should be worried about. BMOC couldn't care less. He invites them (really just Naomi, I'm guessing) to a sorority party (the sorority Naomi hopes to join Fall, specifically), but ET rejects the invitation for both of them. As BMOC heads off to shower, ET scoffs, "How oblivious is that guy? He takes, like, two showers a day. Doesn't he know we're living in a desert?" Naomi's reply? "Duh, people who shower a lot are so gross!" ET: "God, you're great." Ha! Naomi returns to the subject of ET's mom. He shuts that topic down and turns on the movie. Naomi consoles herself with a lingering glance with BMOC as he walks by, in only a towel, on his way to the showers.
DJ Hottie's digs. She asks what Dixon wants to order in. He grimaces at the thought of having another delivery date and hopefully suggests they could go out. She reminds him that there's this whole law against statutory rape. He says he doesn't want their entire relationship to take place in her apartment, and she counters that she certainly can't come to his house since he lives with his parents: "And I am not sneaking in the window, Katie Holmes-style." Wow, she really just went there. I officially know that these writers are at least my age or older. They really need some fresh blood in this place. To wit, DJ Hottie has to explain the reference to him because he is too young to have seen it. She tells Dixon to suck it up and pick something while she gets changed for work.
The day at La Nueva Casa, Debbie asks Harry a rather loaded question about his working late the night before. He tries to make light of it, saying Kelly wasn't there but the sexy Mr. Wong was. She's not amused. He is repentant about his slip of the tongue the other night and tries to assure that he's not stepping out. Debbie says there's lots of circumstantial evidence, in particular a vibe she got that Kelly was crushing on Harry. He reminds her that that vibe was the product of a pot brownie trip. She claims that being high doesn't negate her feelings and that "there are plenty of very savvy pot smokers out there." Harry laughs it off, takes a deep breath, and apologizes once more. He admits they've been stressed out lately and resolves that they will start to spend more time together. He invites her to visit him at school the day for a lunch date.
West Bev. Silver is yelling at some pharmacist who's late with her mom's pain meds. She hangs up, slams her locker, and turns around to see Kelly, who says she looks tired. Silver pointedly says that taking care of their dying mother is taxing. They get into a snit fit about daughterly responsibilities, Jackie's no-good past, yadda yadda yadda. It's pretty evenly bitter from both sides. Silver storms off.
Beach. Teddy and Liam note that Dixon has missed two practices lately. Liam looks out at the break and sees an impressive surfer. The coach says that surfer is last year's champion of something or other and the newest member of the surfing team. They speculate about how much this "dude" is going to help the team until the coach informs them it's not a dude at all. Instead, it's the girl that smashed into Liam's car that morning. Her name is Ivy. She and Liam both acts like bratty 12-year-olds, grousing that they have to be on a team together. Bouncy credits.
West Bev. Silver rushes into history class late as the teacher details an assignment on Civil Rights. She partners the kids up, and who does Silver end up with? Teddy. Silver gives him a death stare, which he immediately picks up on. She shames him for being a dick to AAdrianna. He tries to explain himself, but she's having none of it.
Out in the quad, Annie and Kris Jr. make out. You know it's weird. I know it's weird. No one acknowledges as much. Instead, they moon about talking on the phone until four in the morning. He says he was so wired and high on their conversation that he started working on his screenplay right then. Guess who's the heroine. Three points if your answer has no talent and rhymes with "tranny!" He tells her she's his muse. Then calls her "babe." Gag. How can someone talk about his neurons firing then segue into that sort of A.C. Slater-meets-asshole Hollywood hot-shot lingo all within the span of a few sentences? Does. Not. Compute... He asks if she'd like to be in his movie. She would. More slobbering.
Back at the beach, Dixon apologizes to the coach for missing practice. It falls on deaf ears, though, as the coach tells him that he's off the team. Dixon says it was a family emergency and begs for another chance. No dice.
Elsewhere, Liam watches enviously as all the other surfer boys are enamored of Ivy. He makes fun of her childishly, all, "There can be only one belle of the ball on this surf team, bitch. And it's me!" They seethe at each other as the coach calls them for a huddle... or whatever its surfing equivalent is. He tells them that Billabong is giving a fancy-schmancy custom surf board to the highest surfer at tomorrow's meet. Ivy is particular jazzed since she "popped her fin" on Liam's car. She says so to anyone who will listen, which of course stirs his constantly-under-the-surface fiery pit of anger. He calls her out for smashing his car and says she should apologize. She goes all demure, claiming she's been acting crazy lately because she's been riding the crimson wave, too. He stutters out that it's no problem while trying not to imagine her uterine tissue floating to him in the water. She laughs in his face for being chump enough to believe that excuse.
CU. Naomi runs into BMOC as she surreptitiously puts a wad of gum in her mouth to expunge the ripe aroma of spelt, hempseeds, and two-day-old Tom's toothpaste. He picks up the wrapper she threw on the ground and asks what she's doing with ET. She keeps mum on her devious scheme. He offers to walk her to her car, and they end up in the football stadium. She recounts a story about seeing her first CU football game with her grandfather. They were very close, but he passed away five years ago. She says she was his favorite. BMOC says she's probably lots of people's favorite, and they share another lingering gaze. He admits he would totally kiss her if she weren't dating his roommate.
Casa Nueva. Annie and Dixon awkwardly prepare breakfast. He asks if she needs a ride to school. She says she has a ride. He supposes it's Jasper, whom he deems "sketchy." Annie spits out that he's not sketchy just because "he doesn't hang out with West Beverly kids -- because they're all judgmental lemmings. Like you." She says that Dixon's recent behavior -- sneaking out of the house and lying to their parents -- has been pretty sketchy, so he's no one to talk.
School. And it's Halloween! I'd almost forgotten. Naomi walks around with bunny ears on as a costume (AAdrianna hasn't even bothered) while whining about how she's stuck with ET when she really hearts BMOC. AAdrianna tells her to break it off, but Naomi says she's made progress. Tonight they're going to the Dean's cocktail party to protest paper napkins or something. She adds that she doesn't want to end up like AAdrianna, who went for the pretty boy and ended up with nothing. Harsh much? Naomi resolves to push BMOC and his rock-hard abs and amazing thighs out of her mind.
Elsewhere, Silver pleads with a caretaker to stay at home with Jackie for the night. She heads into class and gets a swift slap in the face of reality when the teacher asks them to hand in their projects. Silver stumbles over her words, ready to admit she forgot to do it, but Teddy steps in and falls on the sword. He claims he left it at home. The teacher drops him a letter grade for it. He tries to use it as proof that he's not a bad guy, but Silver's too mired in her own personal drama to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Harry's office. Kelly enters for a meeting, only to inspire him to put on a rather terrifying Obama mask. Hey! I guess it could have been worse. He could have donned a Kate Gosselin wig... They start to discuss senior evaluations. He's jocular and chipper as usual, but Kelly is clearly distracted. He asks her what's wrong. She gives him the outline of her family problems, but says she can't get into it because she has to run to a meeting. She asks if he wants to grab lunch later that afternoon. Harry accepts -- either because he's forgotten that Debbie is coming or because he's a prick who pushes his wife aside for the very woman with whom she suspects he's cheating. Apparently it was the latter. He calls Debbie to lie that he's too busy for their date.
Outside, Dixon tosses a football with Teddy and Liam as they plan a group costume. Teddy says they shouldn't bother since Dixon's been bailing on everything lately. Liam's not game, either. He doesn't do Halloween. And Navid probably won't come for fear of running into AAdrianna. Dixon's phone rings. It's DJ Hottie trying to push their daily date earlier since she has a gig that night. He tries to wiggle out of it altogether, saying he has a surf competition and a party at the beach club. She gets defensive, asking why he'd rather hang out with high schoolers than her. He says he's been ditching them a lot lately. She says he sees them every day, so he can spare the night, then her call waiting beeps, and she tells him matter-of-factly that she'll see him at six. Dixon looks troubled.
Back in Harry's office, Kelly delves into her strained relationship with Silver. As she talks, Debbie walks in with a brown bag lunch for Harry. She plops it down on the table angrily and walks out. Harry follows in haste. He catches her out in the hall, but she refuses to talk about it in the high school hallway.
Beach. The Surf Invitational kicks off. Conveniencidentally, Liam and Ivy are in the same heat. The team gives them their pep talk, and the surfers are off. Gratuitous surfing shots. The second heat begins, and Liam and Ivy exchange witty barbs. More gratuitous surfing, then Liam cuts off Ivy to take the heat. She calls him out for it back on the beach, but he calls it even since she backed into his car earlier.
Back at West Bev, Naomi and AAdrianna find somber Silver studying in the hallway. They ask her to come to the Beach Club party later, but she says she has too much homework and stuff to do at home. They exchange a knowing look and start a half-hearted Silver-vention. They think she's in over her head. Silver becomes defensive. She doesn't understand why no one gets that she has no choice but to take care of her mother. She pushes them away, saying she doesn't have time to talk and coldly tells them to have fun at the party.
Beach. Despite Liam's interference, Ivy's still advanced to the heat with him. She starts yelping, saying she's cramped up. He paddles over and offers to help, only to have her leave him in the dust, or water as it were. She catches the final break and wins the competition and the customized surf board. Liam glares.
DJ digs. Dixon comes in as she pulls out the Chinese take-out. He tells her not to bother because the relationship's not working. She seems baffled. He says all the things he started to say the other night -- how he wants to take his girlfriend out in public and have a life, etc. She is understandably annoyed since she gave him a second chance and was starting to fall for him. He looks down like a coward as he tells her it's not going to work. He tries to console her as she cries, but she tells him to get out.
Later, Dixon has made his way back to the Beach Club and changed into a '70s basketball player costume in record time. Perhaps Afro wigs and fake goatees are his coping mechanism. Teddy, who is dressed as a guyliner-embellished Dracula (fitting, since he sucks), marvels that Dixon was dating DJ Hottie all that time without spilling to his boys. Teddy gives his sympathies, but Dixon seems completely unfazed by things. He says it's absolutely over, no makeup sex even, and that he's back. The boys high-five. He changes the subject to ask if Liam, dressed in a flannel, buffalo-check shirt as ever, is dressed up as a farmer. Mr. "I Don't Really Do Halloween" says he's not wearing a costume. Because the writers can't drop this golden bit, some girl dressed up as Lady Gaga approaches to ask Liam if he's dressed as Johnny Depp or a Jonas Brother. Dixon insists that Liam is a farmer or farmhand, whichever you prefer. So funny I forgot to laugh! Shut up.
Across the room, AAdrianna is dressed as Marilyn Monroe and grousing about how she came in costume while Naomi is daintily dressed in a pink cardigan and pearls. Naomi says her costume is "Future CU Sorority Girl." She switches topics, asking if AAdrianna heard from Silver. AAdrianna says she's finishing the report. She wonders if they overstepped their bounds by talking to Silver earlier. Naomi admits they might have but says it's an awkward situation since she's never had a friend whose mother was dying of cancer. Just as she says this, Teddy walks by and overhears. He asks if it's true. AAdrianna steps away explicitly to avoid Teddy, and Naomi is left with her mouth agape, searching for an answer.
Elsewhere, some Grim Reaper dude thinks Liam's messy hair is the key to his costume. Liam continues to act all frazzled at this situation that he's actively put himself into. He heads over to the buffet table. Seeing a girl in a gorilla costume, he clears the way for her. She pipes up that he must have decided to be a Gentleman for Halloween. Yep, it's Ivy. He tells her to go ahead and cut to the front since she's a cheater who didn't deserve her win that afternoon. She challenges him to a surf-off.
And so they head outside for a sunset surf to the death! (I wish.) Gratuitous surfing shots. I couldn't be less interested. And it just keeps going and going and going. Eventually Ivy's hubris gets the better of her. She passes Liam and pretends to brush some dirt off her shoulder -- you know, like the rappers do -- but that actually screws up her balance. She falls first and loses. Chafes like sand in your underpants, doesn't it blondie?
Meanwhile, Kris Jr. and Annie drive up to another strip of the Beach Club. He tells her they're there to film a scene for his movie. He hands her the script and says her character has a penchant for "borrowing" cars for joyrides. He points to a Bentley and is a baby's breath away from yelling "Action!" when Annie registers some personal objections to grand theft auto. He tries to convince her that it's no big deal since the keys are already in the car, but she's still nervous. He comes at it from another angle, saying that this is just something she'll have to do as a renegade indie star. He manipulates her some more, saying she's his muse. She still won't budge, so he finally gives up. Reverse psychology, my friends. And it works. Because Annie is feeble-minded.
Over at the Casa Nueva, Harry brings Debbie some flowers. She curtly tells him they won't work. He tries to explain about Kelly's mom and her emotional stress. Debbie blows up at him. And rightly. He admits that he lied, but tries to pawn it off on her sensitivity about Kelly. Jackass. He refuses to acknowledge Kelly's crush. Debbie takes it a step further, accusing Harry of feeding into it. He tries to pull the "dying mother" card, but Debbie says her behavior is inappropriate. She tells Harry to stop pretending there's nothing there and face facts. She stomps off to yoga.
West Bev. Teddy finds Silver still working on her project as the custodians clean up the day's decorations. He tries to offer himself as a sympathetic ear, but she cuts him off, saying she doesn't want his pity and that they're not friends. He admits as much, but says he doesn't pity her. He tells her his mother died three years earlier and offers her the chance to talk to someone who knows what she's going through. He starts to walk off, but she calls out to him and says could use someone to talk to.
A bit later, Silver figures out that Teddy went back East to take care of his mother. He says it was like living a double life, trying to balance school and caring for his mom. She identifies and expresses her frustration that no one understands what she's going through. Teddy understands where she's coming from: She couldn't live with herself if she didn't do everything she could. She says she doesn't know how much time she has with Jackie, but it's been hard to repair their relationship. Teddy gets it. She says she doesn't want to hear any I Told You So's. Teddy assures her she can handle it. She says she gets so overwhelmed sometimes that she wants to scream. Teddy's eyes flash, and he invites her to come see how he used to blow off steam.
Back at the Beach Club, Ivy finds Liam to give him the surfboard he won in their surf-off. He thanks her and jabs her a little more. She admits she's sensitive because she's had to prove herself so much. He says he never underestimated her and that people have underestimated him a lot, too. He basically wants her to apologize because he doesn't like being blamed for things aren't his fault. Case in point, the car. She finally apologizes, earnestly and entirely reluctantly. They get back to their playful nudging about whose dick is bigger and hug it out. Across the room, Naomi spots them and looks pained. After they back out of the hug, Ivy gives him an awkward pre-kiss look. It's pretty much lost on him, and he snarks, "Are we having a staring contest?" She sasses back, "No! But if we were, I would totally win." Yeah, this supposedly crackling rapport is going to hold up for about five more seconds.
Outside, Annie films her scene, including the joy ride. She feels reckless and free! More to the point, though, how can she feel anything but horror and remorse getting behind the wheel with the nephew of the man she killed? Can this crap just come out already? This arc is a dead end. Pun intended, bitch.
Back at La Nueva Casa, Harry flips through the channels aimlessly until his phone rings. It's Kelly, calling to make sure things are okay between him and Debbie. She wonders if it had anything to do with her. He says actually it did. He says Debbie thinks Kelly has a crush on him. Kelly tries to laugh it off, but the tension is palpable even over the phone. Harry finally gets it.
Back at the party, AAdrianna sighs for probably the 500th time. She says she wants to go because it's only making her realize what an idiot she was for dropping Navid. Naomi begs her to stay until her date comes. And speak of the horny devil, it's BMOC. AAdrianna is befuddled because she assumed ET was coming. Naomi walks AAdrianna out and updates her on the situation. She says that seeing Liam being flirty with another girl made her upset. Then she realized that she'll never truly get over him if she's in a fake relationship. She thinks she has a shot at something real with BMOC, so she dumped ET. Unfortunately that means that Naomi will have to start studying now. A task which will prove difficult since she can't let one minute pass without giggling and swooning over his amazing thighs. Seriously? Thighs?
Up on the roof of West Bev, Silver and Liam practice their tennis serves as a way to break the tension. He tells her the harder she hits the ball, the less she'll think about all the bullshit in her life. It seems to work. Please. DO NOT. Hook up. For the love of all that is holy. Don't. Go. There.
Back at the beach, DJ Hottie has arrived to find Dixon. She apologizes for being needy. He tells her that wasn't why he ended things. It was because they're just in two different places in life. She tells him they're going to have to meet up in the same place soon because she is knocked up. Bet that'll make surf competitions and high school parties seem a lot less important, eh Dixon? Get out your knitting needles, papa. Baby needs shoes!
In two weeks: Ivy wraps herself around Liam. AAdrianna teeters on the verge of relapse. And I know just where she'll get the good shit from: Kris Jr., who deals drugs when he's not stealing vintage cars. And Dixon drops the baby bomb on Debbie and Harry.
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