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The Prodigal Sean's arrival continues to make waves. Naomi tries to make Annie jealous by parading him all over town, which results in some incestilicious beach pictures of them. Ew. In the throes of family fun, we learn that Harry surfs and Tabby sucks at Pictionary. Eventually Sean gets to the point, concocting a story about owing money to pay off his dead gambling addict father's bookies. Harry bends over backwards, even enlisting the help of Crazy Eyes. Annie and Debbie, however, don't buy what Sean is selling. They try to reason with Harry, especially after Annie uncovers some suspicious calls logged on Sean's phone. Harry grudgingly consents to a paternity test, which forces scheming Sean to hot-foot it out of town. Naomi, of course, blames Annie for all of her troubles. What's new? To be sure, the seeds of discontent will bloom at Casa Wilson this Spring.
Meanwhile, Winter break has not been kind to AAdrianna. She affirms her sobriety with a contrived affinity for Brenda, thus giving Shannen Doherty something to do. Bridge-Burning Brenda, however, spends the whole episode pulling people to her, then pushing them away. In once instance, she delivers the cheeriest cheerleader speech you've ever heard re: AAdrianna. It's so cheery, in fact, that is patently not Brenda and is actually just a stunt to pull the rug out from under us when the signs seem to indicate that AAdrianna is HIV positive. For better and worse, our little heroin(e) is not HIV, but she is PG. That's right, preggers. Upon finding this out, Brenda flees faster than you can say "crack baby" because Ms. Walsh just learned she can't have babies. I say AAdrianna gives the poor thing to Brenda. It'll be Spun meets Juno!
Elsewhere, Rah Rah Sista Boom Bah puts the full court press on Dixon, complete with a funkadelic mix tap and a star-studded gospel barbecue, forcing Dixon to clarify his relationship status to Rah Rah. When he tells her he has a girlfriend, she's all "Me, too!" Rah Rah is a W4W, y'all. So Dixon patches things up with Silver, then reveals a heretofore unknowing interest in singing. It's no "On My Own" at the Miss Windjammer Pageant, but it'll do.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Harry's bastard son Sean showed up with some fancy designs for taking over Casa Wilson. Designs also flitted about in the head of a cheerleader shaking her pompoms all up in Dixon's face. Annie and Naomi continued to hate each other, while Navid and AAdrianna stumbled into puppy love, sex not included. Then there are these other people named Brenda and Kelly. They look vaguely familiar but the lack of scrunchies and acid-washed jeans is somehow making it really hard for me to give a damn about them. Also, just for the record, it's been so long since an episode aired that I don't even remember some characters' names.
We open in the halls of West Bev, where Annie and Ethan walk and flirt, talking about their winter breaks. Naomi interrupts to recount many thrilling tales in which she forced Sean to act brotherly toward her. She couldn't be more transparent in her attempt to make Annie feel bad about not being included in said plans. It's pathetic, even by Naomi standards. The Perma Donna finally stoops low enough to insinuate that Sean doesn't want to hang out with Annie. Annie takes the bait, sharply reminding Naomi that Sean chose to stay at Casa Wilson all those eons ago. Ethan calls the point for Annie, and they leave Naomi to stew.
Annie parts ways with Ethan and finds AAdrianna in mid-brood because she can't locate one of her rehab friends. They head to class, wherein MADtv's Debra Wilson lectures on perception and intuition. What? There's actual learning (albeit it wishy-washy nonsense, plot-driving bullshit) on this show? Who knew?
Downtown, a token Indian doctor gives Brenda grim news. She admits that she has no nearby family or friends to support her during the coming rough times.
Back at West Bev, Rah Rah Sista Boom Bah flirts with Dixon, handing him a CD of one of her recording exec dad's new bands. During this exchange, she even calls him "D." Are we suddenly at Constance Billard/St. Jude? Silver interrupts them, making it clear that she has no interest in befriending Rah Rah. Awkward. Rah Rah leaves, and Silver can barely wait five seconds to make fun of her by calling Dixon "D." She calls Rah Rah out for hitting on her man, then issues a tart goodbye before heading to class.
Over in PrinciPAL Harry's office, Annie runs into Sean on the way to his and Harry's father-son surfing date. More awkwardness, different place. Then Naomi prances in, gives Sean a big, creepy kiss on the cheek, and rubs it in Annie's face that she is going surfing with the boys. Sean invites Annie to come along, but she passes and escapes the brotherly love as quickly as possible.
AAdrianna skulks into Kelly's office to ask for Brenda's contact info so she can invite Brenda to a rehab support day. She would rather have Brenda than there her own mother, in fact. Granted, DinaLite would probably bring head shots and vials of coke, so it's understandable. Kelly balks at contacting Brenda because the inevitable Matthews drama will resurface, but, seeing AAdrianna's moon-shaped, fiend-orable face, she thinks better of it and offers to help.
That afternoon, the Wilsons play Pictionary. Tabitha is terrible. In her world, everything is a sock. I suspect the writers had more tawdry ideas for what Tabby sees in the pictures, but prime time censors required them to change it. But I digress... Tabby's up and furiously drawing when Sean gets a call and has to step out. The rest of the gang fights over Tabby's incomprehensible sketch, and eventually Debbie tosses the timer. When Annie steps outside to retrieve it, she overhears Sean carrying on a tense conversation about money. He angrily slams the phone shut, and Annie approaches him to ask what's going on. Credits.
When we return, Sean anxiously tells everyone that his father was a good-for-nothing gambler. And also kind of an idiot apparently, because he killed himself to pay off his debts despite the fact that most insurance obviously would never cover suicide. As a result Sean claims to be up to his ears in debt. Harry immediately offers to help. Then Sean tells them that his father owed 200 grand. He puts on a brave face, suggesting they resume their game of Pictionary. Because nothing says "Family Game Night" like loan sharks and imminent broken legs.
Later, Sean catches Annie as she walks past his room. They live up to their roles. He's overly gentlemanly and self-effacing about his wretched lot in life. She's faux-apologetic for getting in his business and way too enthusiastically offloading her findings on Harry. The bullshit parade carries on until Sean's phone rings. She hands it to him, but he refuses to answer it before not-so-subtly bidding her goodnight (read: "Please leave now.") She exits confusedly, and he keeps an eye on her until it's safe, then shadily checks the phone.
Elsewhere, Tabby pours out some "iced tea" as she, Harry, and Debbie discuss how to help Sean. Tabby admits she's taken a beating in the market and says she's considering going back into acting. She muses over her "calling," then floats away drunkenly. Harry tries to talk Debbie into dipping into their savings or the kids' college fund to help his son. Smartly, she's not too keen on this idea. Backed into a corner, Debbie suggests they bring in the sage fiscal advice of Crazy Eyes. She is practically the Suze Orman of Beverly Hills after all. Harry goes for it and leaves Debbie heaving sighs behind him.
Upstairs, Annie joins Dixon in the bathroom. She looks over her back, then divulges her reservations about Sean. She tells Dixon he received a local call earlier. Dixon lets out an exaggerated gasp like, "So?!" Annie wonders why Sean would receive local calls if he doesn't know anyone in L.A. Dixon gives several plausible reasons, so Annie backs off a little. Then Dixon gets to the nitty gritty, explaining that his freak-out over Sean hurt Harry. He warns Annie not to go down that path again. She reluctantly agrees, and they head to bed.
Elsewhere, Kelly shows up at Brenda's house unannounced. Brenda says she's been avoiding Kelly to avoid the inevitable Matthews drama. Kelly can't help herself and snipes, "Then you shouldn't have slept with him," then she invites herself in to get to the point. She tells Brenda about AAdrianna's support day at rehab. She tells Brenda that AAdrianna sees her as a mother figure, and Brenda will have to embrace that. Brenda shies away from this new role, and Kelly gives her shit before being ushered out the door by Brenda Bridge Burner.
The day, Rah Rah finds Dixon at The Peach Pit. They talk about the CD, and he accidentally reveals his sorely lacking knowledge of retro R&B. Oh that Dixon! He's never Black enough! Rah Rah decides to help him out by inviting him to a gospel barbecue at her dad's house. She asks whether Silver will have a problem with that, but he insists she'll be fine. Uh-huh.
Over at West Bev, Crazy Eyes joins Harry and Debbie in Operation: Clear Sean's (Fake) Debt. Crazy Eyes blames herself for getting him in this predicament and offers to squeeze Mr. Crazy Eyes for as much as she can, even sell off some of his really important art. Debbie quickly accepts her offer for everyone. As Crazy Eyes leaves to meet her business manager, she intentionally gives Harry a sultry hand shake on the way out. Harry sees Debbie's hate-filled eyes and thanks her for not stabbing Crazy Eyes with a pencil. Debbie is surprisingly cool about it and wishes her man a good day before making a graceful exit.
Out in the hall, Dixon runs into Silver, who is hard at work on an exposé on West Bev's janitor's lazy eye, not to mention a nasty blog about cheerleaders. Dixon is quick to point out that the only cheerleader Silver actually named was Rah Rah. Silver reminds Dixon that her blog is called "The Vicious Circle" -- emphasis on the "Vicious." She asks about his plans for the afternoon. She suggests a Tarantino film festival. As much as it pains Dixon to miss that, he claims he has a family thing, a.k.a. Rah Rah's gospel BBQ. Given the circumstances of late, Silver takes it at face value and disregards Dixon's clearly guilty face.
That afternoon, Kelly accompanies AAdrianna to her support event. They unexpectedly find Brenda, and she apologizes for being late. "Traffic's a bitch," snarks Kelly. Needless to say, the subtext is not lost on Brenda. AAdrianna obliviously chatters about her missing friend Hank. A woman who doesn't look like she could ever have been an addict -- more like an elementary school art teacher, though I know the categories aren't mutually exclusive -- begins the session. AAdrianna gives her testimonial, looking pretty radiant, I must say. She expresses thanks to those who believed in her, shooting meaningful looks at Kelly and Brenda. I really wish Navid were there instead of these dead weight hussies... Then Brenda delivers an encouraging speech in which she calls AAdrianna a friend (practically her only one, it should be noted). Kelly looks angsty as Brenda and AAdrianna hug to sobriety and loneliness. Woohoo!
Over at West Bev, Naomi and her Bitch Posse interrupt Annie and Ethan's cute couple-y banter to show off some overly touchy-feely pictures of her and Sean. Seriously, they're practically slathering each other with whipped cream. It's totally inappropriate. Neither Annie nor Ethan could care less. As Naomi continues to pretend that she has friends, Annie flashes back on all of the strange episodes she's had with Sean, putting them all together in light of her psych teacher's lesson on intuition. She makes a break for it, leaving Ethan to continue ignoring Naomi and Co.
Annie makes it home in record time and cracks open up this can of worms with Debbie. She stars shakily, rambling frantically about how she doesn't like Sean, even though everyone else does. She eventually slows down enough to make it clear that she thinks there's something off about Sean, though she has no proof. Debbie agrees and says she's been blaming it on her semi-jealousy of Crazy Eyes. Now that Annie has brought it up, she acknowledges that something is fishy. "So, what do we do?" asks Annie. Commercials.
When we return, Kelly and Brenda reconvene after the support group. Brenda admits that she needs Kelly's and starts to tell Kelly something... but AAdrianna interrupts to introduce them to her sponsor, the aforementioned elementary art teacher. AAdrianna mentions that she wanted to introduce them to Hank, too, and the sponsor has to break it to her that Hank relapsed when he tested positive for HIV. AAdrianna takes this news particularly hard because she slept with Hank several times. Brenda and Kelly offer to take her to get tested.
It's happier times at the gospel barbecue, where Rah Rah continues Blackifying Dixon and confirms that, yes, Kobe Bryant is there. Dixon half-jokes that he didn't know L.A. had so many Black people. Rah Rah's father approaches, happy to finally meet Dixon. They discuss music, and Dixon reveals that he enjoys singing. Father Rah Rah encourages him to pursue his (heretofore unmentioned) passion, then scoots off to have a powwow with Dr. Dre.
Back at Casa Wilson, Harry comes home and excitedly tells Debbie he's found a way to get a second mortgage on the house. Three cheers for life-long debt! Debbie tells him that she went to see the P.I. that located Sean. She apologizes for going behind his back, especially because she came up with nothing. Still, she thinks Sean's timing is suspect. Harry insists on Sean's innocence. Debbie mentions that Annie doesn't trust Sean either, and Harry pawns it off to her being a bratty teenager (which, while technically true, is not applicable this one time). He also notes that the same thing happened with Dixon, which is an entirely different situation and, frankly, a pretty low blow. Say it with me now, people, "Shut up, Harry!" He insists that he owes this kindness to Sean, so Debbie points out that he shouldn't sacrifice the kids' futures in order to pay off his guilt. Harry insists that Sean is as much his child as Annie and Dixon, so Debbie brings out the big guns: He's not her son. Suck on that, PrinciPAL.
In the thick of their confrontation, Sean arrives home, bleeding and busted. He claims that the loan sharks found him and roughed him up. He offers to leave in the morning and dramatically stalks off. Harry shouts out that they'll find the money. He and Debbie walk off, so Annie takes the opportunity to sneak up and snoop through Sean's bag. She locates his phone and calls the local number that she saw on his phone. It's an investigation firm.
Kelly and Brenda sit in a hospital waiting room with AAdrianna, filling the time bitching about how ugly hospital waiting rooms are. Oblivious, AAdrianna tries not to notice her world caving in on her. She finds it particularly ironic that she finally got clean only to discover that she might be dying. A nurse interjects to inform AAdrianna that she doesn't have AIDS. She does, however, have a bun in the oven. Commercials.
We return to AAdrianna, freshly sprung from the frying pan and hurtling into the fire. She obviously doesn't understand simple biology or read tabloid magazines (Jamie-Lynn!) as she cries, "I can't be pregnant. I'm only 16!" Kelly speaks from experience (BTW, where is her son?) as she consoles AAdrianna. On the other hand, Brenda practically leaves a cloud of dust behind herself she gets out of there so fast. Kelly offers to help as AAdrianna's mind darts from figuring out how to tell her mother to mentally running through the list of the many junkies she boned for speed in the last few months. She starts to cry when the she considers how Navid will take this news. Kelly cradles her maternally.
Back at the Casa, Harry is having an eleventh-hour phone conversation about Sean's financial woes. Annie walks in, and Harry totally blows her off. As he's leaving, she tells Debbie that Sean's last five received calls were from the P.I. that Tracy used to locate Sean. At this, Harry pauses and gets snippy at her for invading Sean's privacy. Annie apologizes but tells him that she'd rather piss him off than leave him vulnerable to Shady Sean. Debbie agrees and asks Harry to take a paternity test. Harry claims that he has an instinctive connection to Sean (read: deep-seated desperation to become relevant and necessary for a child -- any child! -- once again). Nonetheless, he agrees. He spits, "You shock me" at Debbie as he walks away.
And the longest gospel barbecue ever continues... Rah Rah brings Dixon a drink and wraps her arms in his as she invites him to dinner with her father the week. He frees himself from her clutches and decides to set the record straight. When he tells her he has a girlfriend, she responds, "I know, so do I." Ha! She laughs that he thought she was putting the moves on him. Yeah, all that fawning and mix-tape making can really send the wrong signals... Dixon picks his jaw up off of the ground as Rah Rah tells him that, while she has had boyfriends, she's not interested in him. They get past the weirdness pretty easily, though, and she gives him an open invitation to hang out. Dixon grabs his phone and walks off, still gawking slightly at what just happened.
Meanwhile, there's a pounding on Brenda's door as Kelly storms in and reads her the riot act for abandoning AAdrianna. Brenda finishes the conversation she started earlier, admitting that she just found out she can't have children. Kelly put on her Guidance Counselor hat, and Brenda admits she was jealous that AAdrianna could get knocked up. Kelly assures Brenda that medicine is advancing, which is how she had her child... whom we've only seen once. (Point of fact, didn't Kelly get knocked up, too? How would medicine be involved in that in a positive way?) Either way, Brenda says she's ready for children (God bless those train wrecks in training) and wants to adopt. She says she wants Kelly to be part of the process. Yeah, Brenda's really a great candidate, a grade A manipulator and sometime slut with no stable job or boyfriend. Put her at the top of the list!
Back at the 'cue, Dixon welcomes Silver and tries to break the tension by offering to introduce her to Denzel. She still gives him a hard time about lying, so he apologizes and assures her that there is nothing between Rah Rah and him. He admits that he didn't know how to talk to her about his Blackness, so he turned to Rah Rah. He offers to end the friendship, but Silver acquiesces, confessing that she was jealous she couldn't give Dixon what he needed in that regard. They go back to being the awesomest couple ever, in search of Denzel.
Back at the Casa, Harry strides into Sean's room and promises him the money... if he takes a paternity test. Harry guiltily says it's just a formality, but Sean -- a little too quickly -- says he understands. Harry gets one more father-son embrace for the road.
As the barbecue winds down, Father Rah Rah gives a speech about family and friends, then pulls Dixon up on the stage to sing "Amazing Grace." I assume he'll be performing "Motown Philly" , but we don't see as much.
Instead, Dixon's dulcet singing carries on over sweeping shots of L.A., finally landing on Annie hanging up clothes in her closet. She closes the door, and the music stops with a thud as she jumps at the sight of Sean looming behind her. Maybe he is Tracy's son. He certainly has the crazy eyes. He pointedly tells her that he's taking a paternity test tomorrow since some people don't trust him. He claims Annie should understand where's he's coming from since she's had her whole life handed to her. In fact, nimrod, that's exactly why she wouldn't understand, but whatevs... Annie shoots back that not everyone gets to take what isn't theirs, either. About 67 steely glances later, I'm wondering why no one (Annie!) has been abducted. So help me Lifetime, I know where these kinds of confrontations go. But no! Sean just stands there, then semi-menacingly says goodnight before skulking out. WTF? Hog tie the bitch and call it a day, country boy! It's your destiny.
The day, Harry walks into Sean's empty room. So no paternity test?
Over at AAdrianna's abode, the heroin(e) examines her belly and tries to muster up the courage to call Navid before dissolving into tears again.
Back at the Casa, Crazy Eyes and Naomi have joined the Wilsons. Crazy Eyes remains in denial, but Harry has finally realized that Sean was a scam artist. Harry says he called the P.I. that morning, and his phone was disconnected, which implies that he was in cahoots with Sean. Crazy Eyes leaves, followed by Harry. Debbie solicits Dixon's help in making breakfast, which leaves Annie and Naomi alone. Annie tries to extend the olive branch, but Naomi throws it back in her face. As usual, she blames Annie for all the trouble that has befallen the Clarks, including but not limited to her mom's utterly stupid decision to dip into her own divorce settlement to give Sean money before he left. Yeah, that's totally Annie's fault, jackass. Annie tries to comfort her, but Naomi storms out.
Joshua Radin or some other such mopey singer-songwriter croons as Harry sits on the empty bed in anguish. Annie walks in and apologizes, but Harry is smart enough not to blame her. They hug it out and strengthen their bond, the way parents do with their actual children -- you know, the ones who aren't trying to bilk them out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.
week: AAdrianna spends some more time on her back, this time after suffering the literal fall-out of her unexpected pregnancy. Poor Navid. No amount of individually sorted jelly beans can save him now.
See how the new cast compares to the old cast.