I was going to tell you that the opening scene is set to that Coldplay song but then I realized that there's so much music in these two episodes that if I start with identifying the songs, I'll never stop, plus I'm sure you can look it up somewhere online, so screw that. Anyway, a run-down maroon minivan drives down a California freeway. Inside, family members (mom, dad, son, and daughter) joke about how much moving sucks. I mention, only because I'm sure it will be a plot point, that the son (Michael from The Wire) is black while the rest of the family is white. Dad (Rob Estes) tries to cheer everyone up, and reminds his kids that they're in California to help out their grandmother, who's getting older. Daughter (Darcy from Degrassi) bitches that she's the only one that had to leave a boyfriend behind. Dad fake-cries that he actually did leave a boyfriend behind, which might be the only thing I laughed at in the first half-hour of the show. They also exposit that Dad (whose name is Harry) is the principal at the kids' new school.
They arrive at grandma's huge house and the kids are suddenly impressed and psyched about being there. Grandma (Lucille Bluth) comes out and greets the kids, Annie and Dixon. Harry gives his mother shit for drinking so early in the morning and she distracts him by complaining about the "crap wagon" parking in her driveway. Grandma Tabitha also manages to demonstrate her non-love for the kids' Mom (Lori Loughlin/Debbie).
That night, Annie and Dixon go for a swim. Dixon expositions that Annie made out with some dude named Ethan while they were out there visiting a few summers ago, and Annie says she hasn't talked to Ethan in a long time and she also has a boyfriend. Dixon is bummed that he's going to have to tell his adoption story to a whole new group of people and Annie advises him to tell them he's her brother and that's it. Yeah, I'm sure that will work.
Annie and Dixon arrive at school and gawk and whatnot. Annie spots Ethan and starts to make her way over until she realizes that he's in the process of getting a BJ. Wow, that direction was terrible -- I don't think the actor playing Ethan has ever had an orgasm before, because his facial expressions were pretty excruciatingly ridiculous.
Dixon walks into journalism class where some dude named Navid already knows all about him because he is a top reporter or some shit. They all have to shut up so that Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez (Andrea and Jesse's daughter!) can deliver the morning news. That's the last we'll see of old Hannah though. Navid also manages to drop the news that Dixon is trying out for lacrosse and our buddy Ethan, the BJ receiver, is the big lacrosse star. Gosh, I hope those two don't butt heads!
In a classroom, Hot Teacher (who, like all of the male stars on this show, is not that hot) cracks a joke about Hannah looking thirty. Get it? Because Andrea was like 42 when the original show aired? It would be funnier if the actress playing Hannah actually looked old but I think she's the youngest looking of all the actresses playing alleged teens. Anyway, Hot Teacher tries to get everyone to welcome Annie, and we meet Obnoxious George the Jock and Queen Bee Naomi. Hot Teacher, Mr. Matthews, and Naomi have quite the flirtatious vibe going, if you ask me. Speaking of looking thirty, Naomi looks like she's on the downward slope of her fertile years, if you get my drift. I guess that will make it less awkward when she inevitably hooks up with Mr. Matthews. Naomi is assigned to show Annie around, and Mr. Matthews reminds Naomi that she owes him a paper by tomorrow, or she gets an F. Also, Annie is from Wichita, Kansas.
Harry (the dad/principal) is looking at a photo of a young him with a young... Kelly Taylor! Yay! So Harry went to West Bev back in the day but he must have been one of those background people because we never saw him before. It kind of messes with the canon that Rob Estes was on Melrose Place for a while but then again, who cares? Jennie Garth looks awesome, and Kelly is now a guidance counselor at the school.
After class, Annie tells Naomi that they don't have to worry about being Bev Buddies or anything and manages to win Naomi over by complaining about Mr. Matthews. Naomi says she hasn't had time to read A Tale of Two Cities since she has her "not-so-sweet-sixteen party" this Friday. They're interrupted by Ethan, who Annie is surprised to learn is Naomi's boyfriend. And Naomi was not the chick polishing his knob in the parking lot that morning. Annie and Ethan admit that they already know each other, since their grandmothers are friends. Ethan ends the awkwardness by calling over a chick named Adrianna, who is the lead in the school's musical, Spring Awakening. Annie babbles hopelessly about how she was the lead in her musical back home, and we're treated to a flashback of Annie singing "Major-General's Song" from The Pirates of Penzance which always reminds me of Mad About You when Paul had to direct his parents' senior center musical and Burt couldn't remember the words. Anyway, Adrianna manages to be bitchy to Annie and we crash to the credits.
Ethan finds Annie in the hallway to try to figure out if she's going to tell Naomi what she saw in the parking lot. Annie promises she won't, but they're interrupted by Naomi before they can really discuss what happened.
Out in the parking lot, Adrianna scores some pills from a skater dude, who tells her he needs the $200 she owes by tomorrow. She doesn't have it, but promises to get it.
Annie eats lunch on the steps. Some bitchy emo chick comes up and gets mad that Annie likes the same band as her, but then decides that Annie's cool and sits down, stealing her fries in the process. And this bitchy emo chick? Is Erin Silver, Kelly and David's half-sister, Jackie and Mel's daughter. So does she dye her hair now or what? She looks and acts a lot more like Val than Kelly, though. And she goes by Silver now. Before they can bond too much, Naomi walks up and pulls Annie away. Naomi explains that Silver has a website and makes messed-up videos of people, and Annie should stay away. Also, Naomi invites Annie to her birthday party, but says they'll need to go shopping first.
Principal Harry meets with Kelly Taylor, Mr. Matthews, and Naomi's parents in the principal's office. Naomi's parents think it's ridiculous that they expect Naomi to turn assignments in on time, especially when she has her big party coming up. Harry sides with the teacher on this one and Naomi's dad threatens to take the issue to the school board. Really? Over one lousy assignment? That school board must not have much business to do if they can intervene like that. I guess we're supposed to think that Naomi's dad is rich and powerful or something. Before she leaves, Naomi's mom tells Harry that if things had gone differently, they'd be discussing their own kid, so you know they used to be an item. Also, Naomi's mom totally has Runaway Bride eyeballs.
Nat is still working at the Peach Pit, but it's a coffeehouse now instead of a diner. Annie and Naomi drink iced tea (which is like the official beverage of this show) and discuss how much Naomi loves Ethan and why Annie wouldn't let Naomi buy her an $800 dress. Naomi panics when she gets a text from her mom telling her that she has to get that paper done tonight. Naomi can't imagine staring at "a blank piece of paper." Oh, writers. Nobody writes on paper anymore. Annie remembers that she has a similar paper from her old school at home, and says that Naomi could look at it to get some ideas. Naomi is grateful. I bet this will totally work out!
Dixon tries out for the lacrosse team. He does so well in the two seconds he's on the field that the coach (Mr. Matthews! What a multitasker!) makes him a starter and demotes Obnoxious George. Even the marching band sitting in the stands is psyched about Dixon's moves! That doesn't go over well, and George starts a fight. Dixon responds in kind, and trouble starts brewing.
The Wilson family is eating a meal, and Grandma is giving Dixon tips on how to win a fight. Specifically (and awesomely), she tells him to "grab onto those jewels and twist them like a garbage bag." Harry advises Dixon to control his temper, but Grandma thinks the whole thing was "racially motivated." Harry promises to talk to the coach and work it out. Annie switches subjects and secures permission to go to Naomi's party, since her dad "knows the family." Yeah, he knows them all right.
Dixon and Annie lie in bed together (?) and Annie confides what she saw Ethan doing (or receiving) in the parking lot. Dixon thinks Ethan doesn't really want to be with Naomi, even though she's beautiful, because she's a pain in the ass.
Naomi, Ethan, and Adrianna go out to a club. Adrianna takes special notice of the wad of cash Naomi pulls out of her purse to pay the cover charge. At the bar, Naomi runs into Mr. Matthews at the bar, and he gives her shit for being there when she has a paper due. They flirt some more, and he tells the bartender that Naomi is underage.
Naomi's mom shows up at Casa Wilson and wants to reminisce about their youthful exploits while drinking an entire bottle of wine. Harry tries to hustle her out of there, but Debbie finally brings things to a head (no pun intended) by suggesting that she and Mrs. Clark swap stories about Harry's penis. That does the trick, and Mrs. Clark drives home drunk. Responsible!
Annie shows off her party dress to her parents. Her grandmother notes that you could crack an egg on Annie's ass, and grandma knows this is possible, because Ricardo Montalban did that to her in her younger days. Love her. Harry tries to get Annie to wear a less revealing dress and Grandma calls him "Jedidiah the Amish Farmer" and tells him to go churn some butter.
At the club, Ethan tells Naomi how George is pressuring him to say that Dixon started their fight. Have I mentioned how not cute Ethan is? Naomi doesn't get why Ethan would lie for someone he doesn't like, and Ethan tells her that she's not into anything like a team sport so she wouldn't get it. He storms off, and she follows, which gives Adrianna the opportunity to steal Naomi's purse.
The morning, Annie is very confused when she walks into school and people are mooing at her and asking about her boyfriend the cow. Dixon and Navid walk up and Navid shows Annie something on his laptop -- Silver's blog. She's made a little Flash movie featuring Annie as a hick with a boyfriend who's a cow. That's... hilarious? I guess it's no worse than Perez Hilton and his MS Paint masterpieces.
Inside, Adrianna and Naomi walk by, discussing how both their purses were stolen last night. Annie asks Silver why she posted that video. Silver says she was pissed that Annie dissed her to "go sit with the Bratz dolls." Silver adds that Naomi is the antichrist, and Annie points out that Naomi didn't trash her in front of the entire Internet. Kelly walks up and tells Silver that her blog just creates problems. Silver says that Kelly knows what Naomi did, and Kelly points out that this hurt Annie, not Naomi. They briefly discuss their mother, but don't really give out any important information. Future episode, perhaps?
Ethan goes into Mr. Wilson's office and claims that Dixon started the fight with George. Mr. Matthews is there as well, and says that he'll have to kick Dixon off the team as a result. They excuse Ethan and Mr. Wilson is sure that Ethan is lying, but they have no proof. Yeah, it's not like there weren't a ton of other players on the field, people in the stands, and even Navid on the sidelines. If only they had another eyewitness!
Outside, Dixon worries about what will happen if he can't stay on the team. He tells Annie that lacrosse is how he bonds with their father. Annie assures him that he's been with their family for eight years and they have lots to bond over.
Annie finds Ethan and yells at him for lying about the fight. She wonders what has happened to him, since he used to be "frighteningly honest."
Man, things are moving at a breakneck pace now. Naomi reads her book report to the class and Annie realizes that she copied her paper word for word. Outside, Annie takes her to task for it but Naomi insists it's not a big deal. Naomi is wearing some crazy high-waisted denim shorts. Damn. Naomi tries to make it up by giving Annie the dress she wanted.
At play rehearsal, Annie and Silver watch Adrianna sing. The director thinks the vocals need help, and Silver suggests that they add Annie, and the director agrees. Oh, dear. Annie is... not a good dancer. She looks like she's having a seizure or something. I guess we're supposed to think she's awesome and now she'll steal the lead from Adrianna or something but I can barely look at the screen, I'm so embarrassed for her. Mr. Wilson shows up and harshes Annie's buzz by asking why Naomi turned in Annie's paper. Oops. Meanwhile, Dixon is debating whether or not to send Naomi a text telling her that Ethan is cheating on her.
Naomi and Annie sit in the principal's outer office. Naomi is pissed at Annie for spilling the beans to her dad, and disinvites her to the birthday party.
Out in the parking lot, George asks Ethan if Dixon started crying, and manages to use the word "puss" twice in one sentence. George -- not so smart. He and Ethan start pushing each other around.
Principal Wilson meets with Naomi and her mom, who insists that Naomi is right to spend more time on her party than her schoolwork, since it's not like Naomi is going to Yale like her older sister Jen. Naomi gets insulted, and Principal Wilson uses the opportunity to tell Naomi that no one thinks she can write this paper, but he does, and this is her chance to prove everyone wrong. The character of Naomi we've seen thus far -- lying, backstabbing, manipulative -- would never fall for this, but guess what? Principal Wilson is just that good, I guess.
Silver apologizes to Annie about the cow video and hopes that by helping her get in the play, they can be friends. Annie realizes that she just broke up with Naomi, so she needs a friend, and accepts. She spots Ethan looking all beat up, and Ethan says to tell Dixon he's back on the team. Annie rushes home to tell Dixon, who is now feeling some regret over the text that he sent. Annie is pissed, especially because she's the only one who knew about Ethan cheating in the first place.
Harry and his wife cuddle on the couch. They worry that they're being unfair letting Dixon go to the party after getting in a fight but Annie got grounded. They decide to let Annie go, except, like the Eagles, she's already gone.
At the party, some band I would know if I were fifteen years younger performs. Jeremy Jordan, all right. That's for all you old school fans. Annie, Dixon, Silver, and Navid walk into the party and discuss how they need to tell Ethan what happened and come clean. Navid finds out that Naomi's purse was stolen, so she never got the text from Dixon. Unfortunately for them, Adrianna walks into the party just then and hands Naomi her purse, lying that they found them at the Pit.
Harry arrives at the party to look for Annie, but he gets waylaid by Naomi's mom. Apparently, he knocked her up back in the day and then took off, and instead of getting an abortion, she went away and had the baby, a son. So they have a son together. Harry can't deal and just walks away.
Inside, Naomi reads Dixon's text message just as her father is introducing her and encouraging her and Ethan to dance together. She slowly makes her way to the floor and man, Ethan is really short. She asks Ethan if he's really cheating on her, and Ethan can't even answer her, so she knows. She walks away from him and Annie blames herself for not giving Ethan a heads up. Silver says they should leave and go to a real party with real people.
They end up at the beach, along with Dixon. And Ethan's there! Surfing! WTF? How did he manage to leave the party after Annie, find a wet suit and surfboard, and go surfing before she even got to the beach? Anyway, Ethan is not even mad at her about the text message thing, since he's trying to reform himself. Man does the actress who plays Annie look like Lori Loughlin. That's some good casting right there.
Harry lies in bed, reeling from the news about his son. Meanwhile, in another home, Kelly is on the phone with someone and says, "He's been asking about you." She's interrupted when her son (!) comes in her room because he can't sleep. And more meanwhile, Adrianna scores some more pills from her dealer. And even more meanwhile, Ethan goes to Naomi's house to make up, and she lets him in. And even more more meanwhile, Annie, Dixon, Navid, and Silver run into the ocean and frolic.
So then what is technically the second episode starts, and it just looks and feels so different that I can understand a little why A) they didn't send out the pilot to reviewers and B) they made this a two-hour premiere. Because if I had just seen the first hour, it was so exposition-heavy and overall kind of blah that I don't know if I would have been interested in the series. But this second part is much better, and gives me some hope for the rest of the season.
At the Wilson's, it's breakfast time. Grandma's upset because she spilled scotch on her computer and it's not working. Debbie offers to take it to the shop, since Grandma's not supposed to drive, because of her medication. And also, possibly her drinking. Grandma wants to finish her memoirs before her friend Virginia does because they "slept with all the same people." I have that problem ALL THE TIME. Annie comes to the table all sniffly and reports that she broke up with her boyfriend from back in Kansas. No one is surprised.
Harry and Debbie have a private talk about how he has a son out there somewhere. Harry doesn't know what to do or how to handle it, and neither does Debbie. Before they can make any decisions, both their phones ring and they decide to talk about it later.
Harry gets to school to discover that the whole front hallway is full of garbage courtesy of their rival school's lacrosse team. Harry tells his own school's lacrosse team that they will not be retaliating in kind, and to take it out on the field. None of them are too happy about these orders.
At school, Ethan gives Naomi a rose and asks if they're going to be okay. She says sadly that she hopes they can work it out and walks away. Ethan finds Annie and apologizes for everything that happened last week. She reports that Jason broke up with her, and Ethan offers to kick his ass.
Annie hears a guy singing in a nearby classroom and investigates. She introduces herself to the guy, Ty, who is also in the musical, and gushes over how awesome his voice is.
Mr. Matthews tries to start class but he's interrupted by Adrianna, who is stoned out of her gourd and singing along with her MP3 player. The bell rings (shortest class ever!) and Adrianna apologizes for being distracted but explains that she has an audition that day and she really needs to get it. Mr. Matthews assumes she needs the money to buy fancy things and diamond rings, but she totally burns him when she says that she needs the money to pay the mortgage, because her mom can't. I'm not buying it. She needs the money for more of those devil pills.
Annie apologizes to Naomi for crashing her party and, in the process, compliments Naomi on her tattoo, some Chinese letters on her lower back. In another part of the cafeteria, Mr. Matthews hits on Kelly Taylor. And in yet another part of the cafeteria, Dixon comes upon the lacrosse team clearly plotting something. They clam up when he sits down, because they think Dixon will tell his dad. At yet another table, Silver is working on her blogisode (her word, not mine) when she notices Annie and Ty making eyes at each other. Silver thinks Annie should go for it; Ty is not long-term relationship material, but he's great for getting over her breakup. After Silver leaves, Ty invites Annie out to dinner after rehearsal and she accepts.
Some random Goth girl comes up to Naomi and shows her Silver's latest blog post, which features Naomi complaining about Ethan cheating on her. Naomi struts down the hallway until she finds Ethan, and then screams at him that everyone knows he cheated. And then she slaps him! Yes! This show needed more slaps.
Peach Pit. Naomi and her minions are talking about how awesome the slap was. Naomi makes eyes at George across the room.
Dixon and Navid play Xbox. My nerdy husband points out that they're using Xbox 1 controllers and I don't know what in the hell game they're supposed to be playing, but I think it's on a Sega Genesis. Anyway, they discuss how Dixon needs to come up with a crazy prank so his teammates know he's down with them.
Annie calls her mom from the car with Ty and asks for permission to go out with him. Debbie is working, but she's loath to let Annie go out. Isn't she grounded for sneaking out to Naomi's party? Debbie tells Annie she can go, but she needs to pick up Grandma's computer and take it home first. Annie promises to do so.
Dixon and Navid look up pranks online but can't find anything suitable. Grandma strolls in and tells them that when Harry was a teen, he released fifty pigs onto the rivals' field. Navid has an idea. Let me guess. It involves pigs?
Annie and Ty arrive at the airport. Turns out that he's taking her via private plane to San Francisco to eat at some fancy restaurant. Annie calls Silver who is like, "Why would you not go?" Annie thinks her mother will kill her, but Silver convinces her to go. After hanging up, Silver makes some bitch talk with Naomi and her minions. She really reminds me of Val so much.
Annie and Ty hop on the plane. Ty is charmed by Annie's wide-eyed innocence.
Kelly and Mr. Matthews walk out of school and talk about how they each got into teaching. Kelly fills in that she wanted out of the fashion world and she had her degree in psychology, so she became a counselor. Matthews asks her out, and Kelly drops the bomb that she has a kid. Matthews says that everyone comes with some baggage, and Kelly is kind of offended that he considers her kid to be baggage. Matthews tries to recover, without much success, and Kelly leaves.
Navid and Dixon go to a movie set, because it turns out that Navid's dad is a movie producer. Of porn films. Navid says that his dad has two rules: Navid can't watch porn until he's 21, and they always eat dinner together. Navid talks to a stagehand and gets permission to borrow some pigs when the shoot is done.
Annie and Ty stroll around San Francisco after dinner. Ty reveals that he spends summers in Italy and puts his arm around her as they walk along.
Nat fills Kelly's coffee cup at the Peach Pit and then Brenda! Walks in! I don't know why I'm so excited. Because honestly? Shannen Doherty is not looking that great. Brenda reports that Brandon is doing well, and he wanted to tell Kelly that she's beautiful. Kelly says he told her the same thing when he called her at 3 am from Belize. Brenda backstories that she's in town to direct the school play. They have a total meta conversation about how they need to put the past behind them and be friends. Kind of weird but it makes me feel all fuzzy inside.
Dixon and Navid meet up with the rest of the lacrosse team and deliver the pigs. There are three pigs, but Dixon's brilliant idea is to put jerseys on them with numbers going up to four, so the rivals will go crazy looking for the nonexistent fourth pig. That's like the oldest Internet prank story ever. Anyway, the lacrosse guys are impressed.
Naomi and George are drunk at the Peach Pit. She starts making out with him.
Ty and Annie fly home. As they land, Annie's cell phone starts buzzing and Ty explains that they don't get service while they're in the air. Annie checks her phone and sees that her grandmother was in a car accident. No! Not Lucille!
Annie arrives home to find out that her grandmother got in a car accident trying to pick up her computer, which Annie was supposed to do, but she's fine now. Annie apologizes all over the place and accepts her punishment from her parents. She walks into Tabitha's bedroom to find her cackling while talking to Sue Ellen Ewing -- Ethan's grandmother! Ethan and Annie go outside and sit by the pool and Annie talks about how she likes Ty. Ethan is obviously digging for information about the relationship, but Annie doesn't really pick up on it. Ethan reminds her about the time they went to some carnival and won "the Pentapus," a stuffed octopus with five tentacles. They flirt/argue about who won it and what happened to it. Annie assumes that Ethan's grandma can't drive either, and Ethan says that his grandmother drives just fine. These two are kind of cute together but I don't know if I buy it as the great romance of the show, and you know that's where it's headed.
Harry and Mr. Matthews confront the lacrosse team about their pig prank. They all play dumb until Harry says that he'll have to cancel their season if no one steps up.
Adrianna tells Naomi that she's ready for her audition, although it doesn't seem likely. They discuss how everyone at school is talking about Naomi and George's makeout session too.
Harry yells at Dixon in his office, and tries to get him to rat out his team. Dixon can't believe his father would ask him to do that, but finally admits to pulling the prank, and claims he did everything himself. Harry knows he's lying, and Dixon brings up Harry's similar prank. Harry wants to make sure that Dixon wants to take all the responsibility for this, and Dixon says there's no question.
Adrianna sits in the waiting room for her audition and silently freaks out, so she gets up and leaves before her name is even called.
Silver pumps Annie for info on her date with Ty. Annie notices that Silver has the same tattoo as Naomi and asks about it. Silver (who is wearing a hideous aqua head wrap thing) confesses that in eighth grade, she found out that her dad was having an affair with her mom's best friend, but she didn't want to say anything because she didn't want her parents to get divorced. Finally, she told her best friend Naomi, who told everyone. Annie wonders why Naomi would do that, and Silver says that Naomi just needs to have power over people. Silver says that her parents got divorced anyway, and now she wants Naomi to pay for it.
Adrianna returns to school and Matthews asks her about the audition. Adrianna lies that it went great and she might get the part. Matthews seems to know that something's up.
Ethan thanks Dixon for taking the fall, even though he got cut from the team. Dixon walks away, and Ethan walks up to Harry and admits that he helped with the prank. Navid admits that the pigs are his.
Debbie found a matchbook from the restaurant in San Francisco in Annie's pocket. She is the worst sneaker-outer ever. Never leave evidence! Debbie refuses to apologize for being angry about this, even though Annie tries the "everyone else does it" excuse. Debbie wants to trust her daughter, but she can't right now.
Peach Pit. Naomi and Ethan meet up, and Ethan rips into her for hooking up with George. Naomi reminds him that he cheated on her first. Ethan is kind of sick of the back and forth, and says that he thinks he cheated because he wants out of their relationship. Then the cheesiest line of the episode: Naomi asks if he's breaking up with her and Ethan says, "I'm breaking up with us." GROOOOOOAN!
Harry goes into Dixon's room and tells him that, thanks to his friends, he's back on the team. I have whiplash from how many times Dixon has been on and off this squad. Dixon and Ethan will have to miss a game, but that's it. Harry admits that it was wrong of him to ask Dixon to give up his teammates, and adds that he's still trying to figure out when to be a principal and when to be a dad.
Matthews shows up at Kelly's house, flowers in hand. He sees some wine and cheese set out on a table on the porch and starts to leave, but Brenda catches him. She says that Kelly is putting Sammy to bed, and moments later, Kelly walks out. Matthews apologizes for his comment and gives Kelly the flowers, and he also brought a cap for Sammy. He starts to leave, but Brenda offers to babysit so they can go out. Kelly accepts once Brenda says she's sure. And then in true fashion, everyone stares at each other for a while.
Annie and Dixon discuss the punishments they each received. Annie is horrified that she doesn't even get coffee money! Call Child Protective Services! But she is psyched that she got to go to San Francisco,
Harry and Debbie lie in bed and discuss his illegitimate child. You know. As you do. He tells her that they can move back to Kansas in a heartbeat if she's unhappy and the kids are miserable. Debbie likes having that option, but agrees to give it time. Harry knows, as an adoptive father, that he wouldn't want Dixon's birth parents around. Debbie points out that his new son is a grownup, not a kid, but the real concern is dealing with Naomi's mother. Harry promises to take his time and figure this out. And then they totally do it.
Ty comes to secretly visit Annie. He gives her a kiss. Of course, with perfect timing, Ethan walks up to the house carrying the Pentapus. He sees them kissing and turns and walks away. Oh, please. Ty is a guest star at best.
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