We open in the Glenoak Hospital. I'm hopeful that this means RevCam finally got the Big One, but we soon see him alive and roaming the halls, and my heart sinks. He's just making his snooping rounds, and soon finds a room full of parishioners whose lives he can insert himself into. He lies that he hopes he's not intruding, and we meet Lynn and her two daughters, Tonya and Kristy. RevCam says he was just here to check on Tonya, who is our hospital patient. She responds with a weak thumbs-up that I'd like to think was more of a "get out of my room!" gesture than an "I'm okay." Lynn tells us that Tonya just had a blood transfusion, and Kristy will be having hers week. This, Lynn says, is "the usual." "I know it's tough," says RevCam, except that he totally doesn't know how tough it is. Lynn asks to speak to RevCam outside, and they leave the room, but not before RevCam can nag the two sick kids to come to church on Sunday, because regular church attendance should be your first concern if you're in the freaking hospital.
Outside, Lynn bitches to RevCam about she's been bumped down to part time at her job, because, as we know, all Glenoak business owners are heartless bastards who will fire you if your wife dies, when they aren't stealing your prosthetic arm. On the bright side, says Lynn, less work means she gets to spend more time with her kids. Anyway, the real issue here is that Russell, Lynn's ex-husband, is back in town. He walked out on his wife and kids when their youngest child was diagnosed with sickle cell anemia, and has limited his contact with them since then to birthday and Christmas cards and financial support. Now, out of nowhere, he wants the girls to live with him in Memphis. Memphis is in Tennessee, which adds yet another state to the CamUnited States of America, of which there are now six or seven. Lynn obviously has a few problems with Russell's plans, and wants RevCam to talk to him, and she'd rather not be present. This works out great for both parties, as Lynn doesn't have to see her horrible ex-husband, and RevCam gets to involve himself in some serious family disputes that are none of his business. Just the way he likes it.
And for our Opening Credits Timewaster, Ruthie and SamVid set the table. But -- oh, hilarity! -- Vid sets the table wrong, then Ruthie corrects it, and then Sam screws it up again! Watching the "comedy" of errors is Happy, who is bored to tears. Finally, Ruthie yells at the twins to set the table the right way. They refuse to do this, saying they have their own way of setting the table. The twins are getting feisty these days! Stupid, but feisty. Suddenly, Simon enters for a surprise visit. Lucy bounds downstairs, sees Simon, and immediately starts sniping at him that she and Kevin have been trying to get in touch with Simon for weeks. Before she can blab that it's about his STD test results, Simon flashes her a look and she stammers that they just wanted to see how he was doing. "I'm fine," says Simon. "Yeah, well, you coulda let someone know," snaps Lucy. Ruthie looks around all, "I'm pretty stupid, but even I have figured out that something is going on here." Lucy tries to cover by asking Ruthie how she is, like Lucy is just concerned about her siblings' welfares in general. Ruthie says she's fine. SamVid report that they are fine as well, even though no one inquired as to their condition. "I'm a new mother!" Lucy volunteers. Happy whines in pain.
“ We go to a commercial to allow the intended audience of this show to collect their senses upon the shocking sight of a couple that engaged in pre-marital sex. ”
Martin's in the garage apartment. His phone rings. It's Zoe, and it seems that she and Martin have gotten back together again, even though Martin hates her and dumped her last week. Also, we see Zoe sitting in her bedroom, and it seems that her family has rebounded nicely from their financial difficulties last week, when they couldn't even afford freaking food, as she's got some fancy-looking bedding resting atop her pillow-laden bed. Zoe needs Martin to help her with a homework assignment. She has to watch a meteor storm at 9:30, and, for some odd reason, she needs Martin to drive her somewhere to see it. Martin says he's not allowed out that late. That, and he hates her. Zoe says if Martin doesn't help her, she'll get an F on her assignment and she "can't afford to lower [her] average." Can't "afford" it? Is this going to be a show about government-issued grade stamps? Zoe tells Martin to just sneak out of the CamPound. "Be a man!" she says. "I need you. Come rescue me!" Oh, pathetic.
Lucy informs Kevin that Simon is in the house. She orders him to ask Simon about his STD test results, then report back to Lucy, because they need to talk about her. Well, of course. We can't devote our attention to a non-Lucy without then giving equal attention to Lucy. Kevin asks Lucy what she wants to talk about. "I've been thinking," she says. "I wish you wouldn't do that," Kevin responds. And that line pretty much sums up 7th Heaven's stance on healthy relationships. There's nothing more I can say here, really. The gist of Lucy's deal is that she wants to go back to "work" as an "Associate Pastor," but doesn't want to leave Savannah. Kevin has no advice for her, except that leaving Savannah with Annie when they're both working is not an option. He says it's because Savannah is their responsibility, but I think the real reason is that Kevin is well aware of the consequences of letting Annie raise a child, having married one of them. And I'm sure he's heard the story of when Annie forced her children to live in the unfinished garage apartment. Lucy doesn't understand why Kevin won't let Annie baby-sit, and asks what they're supposed to do with Savannah. "I don't know," says Kevin. It's called DAYCARE. Lots of working parents do it. COME ON. Lucy says she'll just ask Annie for free babysitting services. Kevin says it isn't right to stick Annie with their child. Every once in a while, something I agree with comes out of that guy's mouth.
RevCam comes home and whines to Annie about how hard his life is now that he has to deal with Tonya and Kristy's dad. "Their DAD? I didn't know there was a DAD in the picture," says Annie with her odd selective emphasis. RevCam explains what we already know about how Russell abandoned his family but now wants them to move to Memphis. Doorbell!
Ruthie answers the door. It's Peter, and it looks like he's grown a few inches since we last saw him, and stopped peroxiding his hair. Don't worry -- he's still a dork. Ruthie is surprised to see Peter. RevCam strolls up and is way too happy to see Peter. He invites him in, and then Paris and Vic suddenly come out from where they were inexplicably hiding behind the door. Paris is pregnant. RevCam gawks rudely, and Vic does this cool "That's right -- I had sex. What's up now?" shrug. We go to a commercial to allow the intended audience of this show to collect their senses upon the shocking sight of a couple that engaged in pre-marital sex.