It's 12:19 in the morning, and Lucy is still awake. So is Kevin, now that she's woken him up. She starts whining about how difficult it is to be on bed rest and how she can only walk for five minutes a day. "I have to depend on everybody else for everything!" she says, as if this were any different from the way things usually are in her world. But the worst part of it all is that she can't take a shower every day, so "[her] hair looks terrible and [she] smell[s]." Kevin says she doesn't smell, although he doesn't say anything about her hair, which does not go unnoticed by Lucy. She starts in with the screaming and whining about how Kevin doesn't understand what it's like to have children and be on bed rest.
Their arguing carries all the way up the CamBoudoir, where it is keeping RevCam and Annie awake. Although they may find sleep easier to come by if they didn't have their bedroom door wide open, exposing them to the brightly-lit hallway. Then again, if the door were closed, they wouldn't be able to spy on their children as well, nor would their children be able to catch them having sex. So I guess it's a trade-off. Ruthie wanders in and says that Kevin and Lucy's arguing are keeping her awake. Meanwhile, Ruthie is wearing a bathrobe that is about seventeen sizes too big for her. The sleeves come down to her ankles. Maybe they're trying to reinstate Ruthie's role as the Adorable Little Moppet, now that the twins have proven to be complete failures at it, as have attempts to make her an Angsty Teenager. RevCam tells Ruthie that Lucy isn't on bed rest for too much longer, and Ruthie points out that after Lucy delivers the baby, they'll be subjected to its screams and cries that keep them awake instead. I guess Ruthie doesn't have much faith in Lucy's plan to buy her own house. I wouldn't either. "You know, if this were Survivor, we would've voted Lucy off the island days ago," Ruthie says, apparently not realizing that "voted off the island" jokes are dated by about four years. And that's not even true because everyone knows that Lucy would have been kept around until the end, with the other finalist hoping that everyone would vote for him because Lucy is so goddamn annoying and everyone hates her. And Twila would have kicked her ass three ways from Sunday.
Ruthie leaves the CamBboudoir to find SamVid, rubbing their eyes and asking why Lucy is yelling at her husband again. Ruthie says that they will understand when they are grown up and married and their shrewish naghag of a wife gets knocked up and angry. "Why don't you try putting your pillow over your head?" Ruthie suggests, "that works sometimes." And it's true; sometimes when you put a pillow over young children's heads, they do suffocate and die. Which I am absolutely sure was Ruthie's intention.
The twins leave, and Ruthie notices a light on in Martin's room. So she opens his door, only to find him sitting at his desk, his hands in his lap, hunched in front of his computer. "Try knocking!" he shouts. Yeah, I think it's pretty safe to assume that Ruthie walked in on him in flagrante delicto…with himself. Ruthie has the nerve to get offended by Martin's understandably angry request and starts yelling back at him, but then he slams the door in her face. Which was awesome. RevCam and Annie come into the hall and ask what the problem is. Ruthie says Martin and Lucy are both cranky and she can't take the sleepless nights anymore. Annie agrees. SamVid come out and report that Ruthie's pillow trick isn't working. Damn. Suddenly, RevCam has an idea. He tells everyone to follow him. I hope it's to Lucy's room to tell her to shut the hell up.
But no, after the credits, we see that they've all gone to the Treehouse of Lurv to sleep on Kevin and Lucy's bed. This confused me at first, because I thought that Lucy and Kevin were in the Treehouse and that their fighting was so loud and obnoxious that they could hear it in the CamPound. We later learn that Kevin and Lucy are staying in one of the CamPound's many spare bedrooms to make it easier for Lucy's family to wait on her hand and foot. Perhaps this should have been established earlier. Anyway, Kevin comes upstairs and finds the family in his bed and wakes them up. Annie starts freaking out because the kids are going to be late for school and runs them all out of there. I think it's kind of weird that the whole family just slept in one bed like that. My family once tried to share a room in a motor lodge, except we all had separate beds because we aren't weirdos, and it was a disaster that we would never repeat. Kevin apologizes to RevCam for Lucy and says he feels bad that he can't make Lucy feel better. And then he pooh-poohs RevCam's words of consolation because he says that RevCam gets to sneak up to the Treehouse while he has to stay on the "front lines." I think Kevin needs to start being more appreciative of the fact that his father-in-law is letting him stay in the house at all, considering that it's ruining everyone's lives and they have obviously way past worn out their welcome.
Annie butters toast while Lucy shouts demands at her through a baby monitor. Among those demands are that Annie brush Lucy's hair, and I don't see how Lucy isn't able to at least do that herself. RevCam expresses annoyance at the baby monitor trick, because he now has to listen to a demanding Lucy in stereo, but Annie says she feels sorry for Lucy and the bed rest must be unbearable for her. The baby monitor crackles to life once more as Lucy asks where her breakfast is. Annie tells her to sit tight. "What else am I supposed to do?" says Lucy. "She's so grateful," RevCam says. But it's not like he taught his children any different, is it?
Ruthie comes downstairs and asks for a ride to school. RevCam says he can't do it. The two turn to watch Annie whiz through the room with the blue shirt Lucy requested firmly in hand. "She's going to kill us all," Ruthie says about Lucy, as if Lucy was the one who tried to suffocate the twins last night. RevCam asks Ruthie why she isn't getting ride to school with Martin. Ruthie says Martin is in a bad mood and she'd rather take the bus. And she does.
Martin enters the kitchen and asks where Ruthie is. Annie runs back in, only to be summoned by Lucy, who wants her Oprah magazine, because Lucy is the kind of person who reads Oprah magazine. She used to enjoy Rosie too, but when she found out that Rosie was gay she had to cancel her subscription. RevCam tells Martin that Ruthie took the bus, and asks Martin if anything's going on with him. Martin says he's just tired, and leaves.
Annie runs back downstairs, only to be yelled at through the baby monitor that she gave Lucy the wrong Oprah. Annie turns around and runs back upstairs. RevCam just watches her go. Apparently, men aren't allowed to take care of pregnant women. SamVid come downstairs and report that they have accidentally put on each other's clothes, but they're too tired to change. But how many pairs of underwear are they wearing? SamVid say they are also "too tired" to go to school. I know the feeling, kids.
Annie runs downstairs and says that Lucy wants to talk to RevCam. RevCam tells her to say he's not home. "BUT DADDY, THAT'S A LIE!" Sam says, delivering his clearest line ever, much to RevCam's chagrin. "I know you're there, Dad," Lucy squawks from the monitor, "I won't be ignored." She then threatens to chase him down. RevCam stares at the monitor, his face filled with sadness. He calls to Lucy that he'll be right up. He and Annie exchange "our daughter sucks so bad" shrugs as he passes.
Lucy greets her father/servant with a "you look awful!" RevCam hints that he's very tired. Lucy hands him a list of books and articles for her teen empowerment class, and I'm sure they'll really appreciate the reading assignments. "Are you okay?" RevCam asks his daughter. She says that her baby almost died (not really) and now she is a prisoner in her home -- "wait -- not my home. Your home." So she acknowledges that this is RevCam's house, and yet she'll still keep everyone up all night? I hate her.
A sing-songy voice whispers into a sleeping Kevin's ear. "Keeevvviinn!" it says. "KINKIRK!" shouts an angry Capt. Michaels. Kevin wakes up, only to see that the entire police station has gathered around the jail bed he's resting on to point and laugh at him. Remind me to commit crime in Glenoak, where the police officers are this easily distracted. Capt. Michaels sends Kevin home to take care of Lucy, who Capt. Michaels is totally in love with. Kevin begs and begs not to go home to his horrible wife, but it is to no avail. "Get a hold of yourself, Kinkirk! Be a man!" says Capt. Michaels.
Martin tracks down Ruthie in the school hallways and demands to know why she took the bus this morning. Ruthie says that Martin has been a "jerk" lately. Martin's feelings are all hurt, but Ruthie won't back down. She says that being tired is no excuse for Martin's crabbiness since everyone in her family is tired, yet they still manage to be pleasant. "Newsflash!" Martin says, "the rest of you aren't all that pleasant!" Go, Martin, go! "Truly, I can't take your attitude. Anymore," says Ruthie, who will be delivering the rest of her lines this week with lengthy and awkwardly placed pauses, so just get used to it. "You're not that much fun to be around either!" Martin yells to Ruthie's retreating form. Everyone in the hallway stares, all "nice comeback, chump."
Martin opens his locker and a history paper falls out. It has a D on it! That's a grade that most episodes of this show can only aspire to earn from TWoP readers, so I don't understand why Mac is so concerned when he sees it. Martin tells him that Ruthie just called him a jerk, and Mac is like "oh." Martin asks Mac when he's going to tell him that he is not, in fact, a jerk, and that Ruthie is the jerk here. Mac says that would be lying. "Lately, you've been a bit tense," Mac says, stopping just short of offering to smooth out all that tension with a relaxing back massage. Martin denies that he is tense, to which Mac points out that Martin got into a fight with the team mascot at their last game. He says he wishes he knew what was wrong with Martin, and that he knows it has nothing to do with Lucy keeping everyone awake.
Lucy paces around the bed. Kevin runs into the room and scoops her up and deposits her back in bed, lecturing her about not being allowed to get out of bed. Kevin starts talking about deducting whatever time she just spent on her feet from her total five-minute daily allowance, and then Lucy says that she would prefer not to be spoken to like a child even though that's exactly what she acts like. She calls her family "extremely annoying," and I have to wonder what the definition of "extremely annoying" is to her, since apparently keeping several people up all night long is not. Kevin says he got sent home for a few days, and Lucy tells him to go somewhere else because she does not want to see him all day long. Kevin asks if there's anything he can do to help her, but she just complains a lot. Kevin says that Annie talked to Lucy's school advisor earlier, and I didn't know Crawford Clown College had advisors, since I didn't think anyone on the faculty was actually capable of giving any advice besides "transfer. NOW." Kevin asks Lucy if there's anything wrong at school.
Kevin finds Annie in the kitchen and declares that he won't be having any more children. That is disappointing. He says he couldn't find out anything about Lucy's schoolwork, so Annie decides to call RevCam and see if he knows anything. Kevin asks why RevCam would know more than him. Annie keeps dialing. "Don't listen to me," Kevin says. "Okay, I won't," says Annie, and those two obviously hate each other.
RevCam's office phone rings, but he does not answer. This is because he has lapsed into a deep coma on the couch, so deep that the noise of the phone does not wake him up. I hope he's dead.
Annie hangs up and wonders where RevCam is. Kevin guesses that he ran away, and expresses jealousy. Annie says she has to go pick SamVid up from a "playdate," and asks Kevin to take care of the house. She hands him Lucy's monitor so that he'll be able to take her dulcet tones with him wherever he goes. Kevin leaves to go change into regular clothes in the Treehouse, hoping against hope that it exceeds the five hundred meter radius of the baby monitor. Ruthie walks in. Annie asks where Martin is, and Ruthie says he's probably at practice, where she hopes he stays forever. For his sake, I hope so too. Ruthie says she's going to take a nap. "Put the laundry away first, will you?" says Annie, who probably just spent her whole day home taking a few naps herself. She tells Ruthie to "deliver" the laundry to everyone's rooms because I guess they can't get their own damn laundry.
Baseball practice! A kid hits a pop fly to…uh…center field? I don't know anything about baseball. My bad! ["I know plenty about baseball, but I'm still at a loss to explain why the team is practicing -- and, according to Mac's comment, playing games -- in December. I mean, I know they're in California, but…no." -- Sars] Anyway, both Martin and another teammate call for it, and then they run into each other. Neither one gets the ball. It was an impressive collision, though. Martin gets up and throws the ball off to second base, and then the other kid tells him to stay out of his way. An argument ensues over who should have caught the ball, and Mac saunters up and says "why can't we all just get along," which is a cultural reference even more dated than Ruthie's Survivor one. Seriously, when the guy who impersonated the person who originally said that is being bandied about as a possible Oscar nominee for his work in a Charlie Kaufman/Michel Gondry film, it's time to retire it. Coach runs up and asks what's going on. Other kid says that Martin is trying to play everyone else's position. Coach puts another kid in at Martin's position and tells Martin to "hit the showers." He tells him to come back when he has a better attitude. "I'm your best player. What are you gonna do, bench me?" Martin stupidly asks. Coach says he can kick Martin right off the team. "I don't need this team!" Martin says, and walks off. Mac tries to talk to him, but Martin pushes him away. Coach yells after Martin to stick around so they can talk after practice.
Kevin is sleeping in the Treehouse. The phone rings, and Kevin picks up the baby monitor and starts trying to talk to it. As lame as that joke was, I think I've done something similar to that many times before, and with objects less like a phone than a baby monitor. Like a sock. And my own hand. Finally Kevin picks up the real phone. "Yes, I'm Lucy's husband," he verifies to the caller.
Ruthie throws a small pile of clothes on Martin's desk. As she walks away, his laptop makes a beeping sound. So Ruthie, of course, turns right around and looks at the computer. She looks what I believe is supposed to be "stricken," but I only know this because The Violin, Piano, and Flute of Stricken play. Ruthie runs out of the room, passing Kevin in the hall. "I was just putting laundry away!" she says to him. "Okay," he says, not caring at all. Thrilling.
Kevin walks into his and Lucy's temporary CamPound bedroom and says he just talked to Lucy's advisor, and he said that Lucy won't graduate if she doesn't hand in her final paper week. Apparently, when he told Lucy that, she said she didn't care, so he called Lucy's husband to tell on her. Kevin asks Lucy why she just doesn't tell him she's on bed rest and try to work something out. "It's not important," Lucy says. Apparently, even though all she has is time and nothing to fill it since no one even thought to give her a small television to watch, she can't do her paper. I think that if Stephen Hawking can write an entire book about physics in his condition, then Lucy should be able to write a small paper, but whatever. She says she'll just have to graduate later.
Mac watches as Martin and Coach argue with each other in Coach's office. Coach kicks Martin off the team and Martin storms out of the office and to his locker. Martin tells Mac that he's off the team until his attitude changes. The kid Martin ran into during practice walks up and orders Martin to "get it together for the good of the team." Martin snaps back that the kid needs to get it together so that Martin doesn't have to cover his position. Kid gets mad and steps up, and Mac jumps in to cool things down. "Martin, just walk," he says. "What are you, his girlfriend?" Kid asks, and the answer is yes. I'm just glad someone has finally acknowledged it. Martin tries to step past Kid but Kid stays in front of him. He says he won't let Martin go until an understanding has been reached. As Coach watches from his office, Kid grabs the collar of Martin's shirt, and Martin punches him in the face, complete with fake punch sound effects. Coach runs out of his office, all "now I am angry."
RevCam comes home from work, looking refreshed and happy. That is, until Annie starts giving him the third degree about where he was all day and why Lou sounded "funny" when he told her that RevCam was out. RevCam's all, "I was out ministering to the people," and that's a lie I need to use more often. Why was I late for work? Why, because I was ministering to the people, of course! What do you mean I didn't pay my rent on time? I was ministering to the people! I hope it works better for me than it does for RevCam, whose wrinkled shirt and "bedhead" indicate to Annie that he spent the day sleeping. Wow, that Annie's getting to be a regular Miss Marple, isn't she? She pouts about how "unfair" it is that RevCam had a nap and she didn't, as if she didn't just spend the entire day totally sleeping while everyone else was at school and work. RevCam says he'll do the dishes so Annie can turn in early, and maybe get a few hours of sleep in before Lucy wakes them all up again.
Kevin runs in, his arms filled with books. Well, he has one book and a notebook. I guess that's enough to write term papers these days. It wasn't when I was in school and regularly used at least twenty books for my papers, but then I did major in such reading-intensive fields as Film Studies. Kevin asks everyone to wish him luck while he tries to talk "some sense into [his] crazy wife." Annie gives him a sarcastic thumbs-up. Sam gives him a genuine thumbs-up because he never gets the joke. RevCam just looks confused because he thought Annie was his wife, not Kevin's. "You missed a few things while you were napping at the office," Annie says to her husband. Then she blinks several times in rapid succession just to be a total bitch about it.
Kevin enters the bedroom and tells Lucy that she's right about everything. "I am?" says Lucy, and it's a little pathetic how surprised she is by that. Kevin says he thinks that if Lucy doesn't finish her paper and graduate now, she may never have the chance to do it. He says he can't live with his wife not graduating so she's going to finish her paper. "Look at me!" Lucy snarls, "I can't!" Again, I don't understand how being pregnant makes one unable to write a paper. Kevin says she will because he will help her. And just so there's no confusion about it, he says, "I, Kevin Kinkirk, your husband, I'm going to help you complete your lifelong goal." He keeps going about how hard Lucy worked to finish and all, and while you have to give George Stults credit because I really do think he's trying, he's not a very good actor. Kevin tells Lucy that her only two options right now are finishing the paper herself, or him doing it for her and the paper sucking really bad.
Martin comes home and announces that he will be skipping dinner tonight. Annie and RevCam futilely try to conceal their complete lack of disappointment about this.
After Martin leaves, Ruthie appears in the kitchen and says she needs to talk to RevCam "alone." They move to the dining room and she says she has "guilty knowledge" about Martin. "How guilty?" asks RevCam. Ewwww. Before Ruthie can tell him, the doorbell rings and RevCam leaves to answer it, because Annie is apparently incapable of doing so. I guess she's just exhausted from those three times she had to run up the stairs today.
Mac is at the door, and no sooner does RevCam open it than Mac is inside the house and pacing around the foyer, all "something's wrong with Martin!" He tells RevCam about Martin's bad grades and baseball and fighting and says that he can't get Mac to tell him what's wrong, so RevCam will have to do it. If he doesn't, Coach will label Martin as a "disciplinary case" and then no college baseball team will want him, which I find very hard to believe considering that Martin is supposedly good enough to play for the major leagues. I think that behavior problems or no, most colleges would gladly take Martin for that. Ruthie strolls into the conversation and says that she knows what Martin's problem is, and even though she just said she needed to talk to RevCam about it alone and not in front of Annie, she will now say it in front of Mac. "Martin's dad's tour of duty got extended. Apparently it's been happening to a lot of soldiers in Iraq." Wait, what? Martin's dad is in IRAQ?! This I did not know. Ruthie continues that she "accidentally" saw an email from Martin's dad when she stood in front of his computer and stared at it. Mac says that Martin told him that his dad would be coming home early year, but he didn't tell anyone except Mac because he didn't want to jinx it. "His dad won't be home early year," says Ruthie. "It doesn't look that way," says RevCam. Thanks for clearing that up, guys.
Martin overheard the last part of the conversation as he came downstairs. He asks who won't be coming home early year, and RevCam totally sells Ruthie out when he tells Martin that Ruthie told him. Needless to say, Martin is kind of pissed that Ruthie read his private email, even going so far as to say it's "unbelievable," when in fact it is totally believable. These are the Camdens we're talking about. Assuming they know what "email" is, it's perfectly reasonable to guess that they spend their days reading other people's. RevCam says he wants to talk to Martin, who asks if it's because his "former best friend" told on him about his grades and baseball, or because the "family spy" read his email. RevCam asks Martin why he didn't anyone about his dad, and Martin says that it seems to him that he doesn't need to tell anybody anything because he has Ruthie to do it for him. He storms away. Mac looks like he's about to cry as RevCam consoles him. He leaves the house, and RevCam heads upstairs.
He finds Martin scowling in his bed. Martin says he doesn't want to talk. "You can't help me," he tells RevCam. Hee! You know that that's like the worst insult one can give RevCam. Oh, and then! Martin says that the only reason why RevCam even wants to talk is because is to make himself feel better. "You need to help, and it's killing you that you can't help me," Martin says. And he's probably right. RevCam tries to bring up how his father was a Marine too, but Martin interrupts him to say that it isn't the same because The Colonel was around a lot, and even when he wasn't, RevCam had his mother around. Martin tells RevCam to leave him alone, and RevCam leaves.
In the hallway, RevCam finds Ruthie, who says that she's totally sorry about "looking" at Martin's computer screen, if by looking she means "reading and memorizing its contents." RevCam says he thinks Martin is more upset about his dad than about Ruthie the Spy, and the doorbell rings. Ruthie asks if there's anything she can do for Martin, and RevCam says all they can do is "be there" for him. Ruthie remarks that she hasn't even been friendly to Martin lately. And when is Ruthie going to get punished for spying on Martin anyway?
Ruthie walks away as Annie comes running upstairs. RevCam asks her who was at the door. "Wayne Newton!" she says. Apparently he has some things he needs to discuss with RevCam. The CamRents come downstairs, where they see a strange-looking creature who seems to have himself a bad case of Gestface. Oh, Wayne Newton. Plastic surgery should be but a passing acquaintance, not one's best friend. Seriously, his eyebrows are so high up that they've gone up his forehead, over his skull, and down to about his mid-back. Not like you can really tell, since the light reflecting off of his face is so glaringly bright that it burns your retinas if you stare at it too long, like the sun. This show burned out my retinas a long time ago, though, so it's not a problem for me. RevCam and Annie claim to be big Wayne Newton fans and they can't believe he's in their house right now. I can't believe he's there either, considering that I just saw him in a cell phone commercial where he and freaking Snoop Dogg were exchanging text messages! How do you go from hanging out with Snoop Dogg to chilling with Snoop Dumbasses?
Wayne Newton and his chipmunk cheek implants ask if the CamRents want him to sing his big hit song, "Danke Schoen." RevCam and Annie stare at him. Wayne Newton says he's kidding. RevCam and Annie laugh. Wayne Newton says he'll only sing if they pay him. RevCam and Annie stare. Wayne Newton says he's kidding again. RevCam and Annie laugh again, and RevCam puts his hand on his face because he can't believe how awesome Wayne Newton is right now. Wayne Newton says that he just got back from "the Middle East" and he's a little "punchy." Good. Maybe he can go punch Ruthie in the face. Or Lucy. Any Camden will do, really. RevCam asks if they can get Wayne Newton anything, and Wayne Newton says that he can do something for them. Well, not for them, but for Martin. He has a message for Martin from his father. RevCam and Annie can barely hide their disappointment that Wayne Newton didn't come to see them.
Back from commercial, Martin is talking to Wayne Newton. He asks him why he was in Iraq. "Vacation," says Wayne Newton. Martin stares. Wayne Newton's kidding. He's actually the chairman of the "celebrity circle" of the USO. Martin asks why Wayne Newton got involved with the USO and Wayne Newton says that he wanted to be in the army, but he had asthma and couldn't. So this is his way of contributing something. Martin asks about his father. Wayne Newton says Martin's dad is tired and misses his son. He says that he was hanging out with Martin's dad right after Martin's dad emailed Martin about his extended tour of duty, and he was also with him when Martin emailed him back. Wayne Newton was with Martin's dad an awful lot, if you ask me. Martin says he feels kind of bad about the angry email he sent his dad. Martin talks about how hard it is to be the son of a soldier, and we've heard that before. Wayne Newton says that Martin's dad has two duties: to his son and to his country. Martin says that's not good because his dad should be concentrating only on himself and staying alive. Wayne Newton hands Martin some letters from his dad and says he's glad he got to meet Martin. Wayne Newton ends his visit by saying that Martin might think he's the only person who's making sacrifices and that no one understands him, but he's wrong. There are a lot of other soldiers in Iraq who had to leave their families too, although you wouldn't know it considering that Martin's dad is the only person we ever hear about. Anyway, it kind of sounded like Wayne Newton was telling Martin to buck up because he isn't the only person with problems, but he was just trying to tell him that there are support groups he can join. They hug and salute each other with the kind of salute one does when one hasn't ever actually served in the armed forces.
Wayne Newton comes downstairs and informs the CamRents that war is hard on soldiers and their families. He says he visits soldiers' families to make them feel better. I wonder if this is actually true. Annie offers Wayne Newton refreshments, but Wayne Newton says he has some more people to see tonight. He's going to have to make like Santa Claus if he wants to visit every single family member of every single soldier in Iraq. I wonder if he's going to visit Roxanne's dad while he's in town. We know he won't be visiting Martha!
Ruthie knocks on Martin's door and enters the room. "Did I just see Wayne Newton come out of your room?" she asks, as if she would have any idea who he even is. Martin says it was, and he had a message for Martin from his dad. "What was the message?" Ruthie asks, since she apparently hasn't learned her lesson about being nosy, and Martin still hasn't realized that he doesn't need to tell her because she'll find out anyway. Martin says his dad told him to "hang in there." What a sucky message. Martin's dad went to Iraq, and all he got was an Inspirational Cat Poster. Ruthie apologizes for spying on Martin, and he apologizes for being a jerk. They shake hands, and Martin gets his jacket. He says he has a few more apologies to make.
Martin finds RevCam and Annie in the kitchen and apologizes to them for the things he said earlier. He says he's really grateful for everything the Camdens have done for him. Martin does this whole be-mad-at-RevCam-then-apologize-and-say-he's-grateful act like every episode, so it's just tired now. "We feel lucky to have you in our life, too," says Annie. Martin leaves before she can add that this is because the show was sorely lacking in the teen heartthrob department, what with Simon's departure.
Kevin comes downstairs holding a small notebook. He claims that it's Lucy's term paper and that after she gets a few things from the library, it will be done. Kevin adds that she's asleep as well. The CamRents are pleased.
Martin meets Coach on the Promenade. He apologizes for his attitude, the fight in the locker room, and the fight with the mascot. Coach says he wishes that Martin had talked to him about his problems instead of letting things build up. Coach says he'll see Martin at practice. Martin says he plans on apologizing to the kid he punched. He damn well better. In fact, he really should have been made to do that before he got to come back on the team. Martin asks Coach how he knew about his dad being in Iraq, as if there's anybody in this universe who doesn't. Coach tells Martin to ask "him," and then points to Mac, who is in the background, looking sad, leaning against the movie theater box office counter. That's so romantic.
Mac walks up and says that he told Coach about Martin's dad, and Coach told him to come to the Promenade because he thought Martin would need "a friend. Even a former best friend." Even a boyfriend. They shake hands and Mac asks if Martin wants to shoot some pool. Apparently, there's a cute new waitress. I ask you all to remember that Mac also thought that Martha was attractive. Mac says if Martin doesn't want her, he'll take a shot. Don't go for Martin's rejects, Mac! You're better than that, sometimes! Mac says that he actually did take a shot and the waitress winked at him. "She probably had something in her eye," says Martin, trying not to be jealous. Martin says he'll find his own girlfriend. And she will be Ruthie.
Daytime at the CamPound. Kevin is carrying Lucy around the kitchen towards some surprise he has for her. They go outside, and we see a little graduation ceremony has been set up in the backyard. Kevin says that RevCam talked to Lucy's dean and some students and they agreed to come to this. For the students, it's a rehearsal. For Lucy, it's real. Too bad she's wearing her pajamas for it. Kevin places Lucy with her dorky-looking classmates.
Dean calls a few students up, then calls Lucy. Kevin lifts her up out of her seat, where we see that the students the dean just called up, who could not have possibly returned to their seats in time, have in fact returned to their seats. Lucy has a graduation gown and a hat on, but you can still see her ugly pink pants under it. The dean gives her her diploma and she thanks him, then crosses her tassel. Lucy looks out at the audience and her family and says, "I'm a graduate!" while Kevin beams. And Kevin needs to not smile ever again. There are few people who don't look better when they smile, but he is one of them. We see shots of the Camdens applauding, and then a shot of Martin and Mac, sitting quite close. I'll let you ponder that while this show goes into repeats for a month and a half.