It's the most controversial episode of 7th Heaven ever! Everyone's been talking about it! Well, actually, no one's been talking about it, but I'll give Brenda points for trying.
A family leaves Glenoak's most upscaliest of restaurants, which is probably the dining room area of Pete's Pizza, and their daughter grabs two handfuls of complimentary mints on the way out. Her father actually congratulates her for this display of disgusting greed instead of making her put them all back except one, like my parents always did. I shouldn't be so harsh; maybe when they saw Simon Camden's name on the reservation list, they decided not to get dinner there after all and the mints are all they have to sustain them.
RevCam and Annie walk in. The maître d' informs them that their son is running late, and seats them. They each order (non-bottled) waters, which disgusts the snobby waiter, like, no one's ever ordered water in a fancy restaurant? Simon and Georgia arrive. Simon takes in the scene, pauses, and then introduces Georgia to his parents again. Georgia politely attempts to hug Annie, who visibly recoils in shock and horror. "Can I get crabs from hugging?" she wonders. Simon asks to what he owes his parents' surprise appearance, and RevCam answers that Simon lied to them, and they were hungry. Georgia, again being way too polite to these horrible people, offers to pay for everyone's meal, explaining that it's only fair since Simon is paying for "the room." Oops! Simon smirks. RevCam and Annie gape. The waiter comes around, and Simon and Georgia order "the usual." Annie orders the usual as well, but RevCam has something different in mind. He would like a Porterhouse steak, cooked in clarified butter, and a Yorkshire pudding. And a side of broccoli with Hollandaise sauce. And a "side of duck." Oh, and a shrimp cocktail. He finishes by asking to have it all charged to Simon's room. This is probably the least assholish thing RevCam does this episode, so get ready.
Where can Barry Watson gooooooo!
When Hollywood don't treat him right?
The answer's this shoooooow!
That's the one place that he'll find,
A paycheck.
MMMMMMM! A paycheck.
RevCam happily digs into his steak. Yeah, suck on that clarified butter, RevCam. Let it fill your already-weakened arteries. Go for the quintuple bypass! Simon and his lady have ordered burgers. RevCam goes on and on about how expensive the food is until Annie tries to make nice by asking about Georgia's parents. Turns out that her father is also a pastor, at the "Chapel of Renewed Faith." Dun dun dunnnnnnn! RevCam tries not to choke on his steak. Simon smirks.
Martin enters the kitchen to take some food back to his tent, since he doesn't want to live with the Camdens but he does want to eat their food. Matt comes down and tells Martin he can have the room they're sharing to study, but Martin informs him that he's camping in the back yard. Matt senses "an attitude" and asks whom Martin has a problem with. Is it Simon and the fact that he's running around with a new girl right after Asslee left for vacation? Martin did not know about this. Oops! Matt begs Martin not to tell Asslee about Georgia, and then figures out that Martin is pissed at Ruthie. Matt volunteers to talk to Ruthie about apologizing to Martin if Martin will promise not to tell Asslee about Simon and Georgia. Oooh, deal-making! Such intrigue!
Back at the restaurant, the waiter is clearing their plates away. RevCam snags a last piece of food off his plate as it's in the waiter's hand. He has no class. Isn't he due for another heart attack? I'd love to see him have one after ordering and eating a second dinner full of rich passive-aggressive revenge foods. RevCam tries to talk to his son, but Simon informs him that he and Georgia have "an agreement" not to tell RevCam anything "personal." RevCam's all jealous because Georgia's parents know everything about their daughter and Simon, but Georgia explains that this is because her father has a program for teens at his church that is about "being accepting and non-judgmental in regard to decisions about sex." RevCam tries to figure out what the words "accepting" and "non-judgmental" mean. Georgia then informs RevCam that a lot of teens from his own church have switched to her father's. Simon smirks the whole time. Hee! When Georgia asks RevCam if his church has a program about teen sex, RevCam orders a chocolate soufflé. Any time that heart attack wants to show up, it's more than welcome.
Lucy tells Kevin that she doesn't want to tell her parents about the results of her upcoming ultrasound because she thinks it will distract her from all the other stuff she has to do, like pretend she attends classes. She says she doesn't want people to look at her as "just a mother" because she "spent four years going to school," which, no, she didn't, as she just said last episode that she was graduating early, and I don't think we ever actually saw her in school except for that one episode where she was hanging out by the campus health center. Kevin thinks Lucy's not saying something. "Are you hungry? Do you have any crazy cravings tonight? Want me to get you anything?" Kevin asks like a patronizing, yet maybe a little bit slightly adorable dick. Lucy says she's fine, and then orders crispy chow mein noodles mixed with tuna, mayo, and oranges. Hey, at least we got through one episode without being subjected to wacky clichéd pregnancy hijinks. That's, like, a new record for this show.
Matt's leading Ruthie to the back door as Kevin enters the house. Matt says Ruthie was just on her way to apologize, because she shouldn't blame other people for what she can control. Can she control her evil impulses really, though? Ruthie asks why he cares so much; Matt says he just loves his sister. Ruthie asks if they teach courses on lying at med school. No, those are for the health insurance adjusters. Matt orders her out, and she departs. "She's really growing up," Kevin says creepily. Matt thinks that Ruthie is having trouble accepting that. Is he a gynecologist wannabe or a psychiatrist wannabe?
Ruthie knock-knocks on Martin's tent, and he asks her what's up. Ruthie says she doesn't know what's up; Matt made her come out here to apologize when she already tried to apologize once. Martin leaves the tent and informs her that her last apology was not sufficient; she owes him a proper apology, because that's how human friends are supposed to interact. "You first," says the Evil One. So Martin apologizes. When Ruthie doesn't apologize back, Martin gets pissed and says the following to her: "You're just a spoiled brat. You get away with everything because you're the youngest girl in the family and everyone treats you like a baby. Everyone thinks it's funny or cute when you do something wrong. Well, you're not with your family when you're at school, and other people might not find you so funny or cute!" Ha! Martin's awesome! Oh, and then Ruthie actually interrupts Martin, instead of letting him finish his line and then waiting an awkward three seconds to speak, and tells him that she knows why he lost Asslee and hasn't gotten another women yet; he doesn't know how to talk to women. Martin points out that women don't pants people. "Oh please! What's the big deal?" Ruthie says, astounding me with how realistically she delivered that line. Damn! What happened over the summer? Maybe they had an acting coach on the set of those K-Mart commercials. Ruthie says the only real, heartfelt apology she can give Martin is that she's sorry he ever came to town.
Ruthie storms into the house and up the stairs as Matt watches Kevin make Lucy's food. I love that Kevin didn't even try to go shopping for the food; he just walked right into the CamPound to steal it. Kevin laughs at the fact that Ruthie's apology to Martin obviously didn't go well. Matt asks Kevin when they'll be finding out the sex of the baby; Kevin says tomorrow, but that he can't tell anyone what it is because Lucy made him swear it to secrecy. Matt says he's sure that Lucy won't be able to keep a secret. Shut up, Matt.
Matt's finally found something to do, and it's what he does best: he's standing outside Martin's tent, listening in on Martin's phone calls. Martin leaves a message for someone, saying that he wants to talk to her. "That better not be [Asslee]," Matt says. Asshole. Martin responds that that better not have been the apology Matt promised him, adding that he was talking to his aunt in New York and not to Asslee. It's gotta be pretty late in New York right now, but I guess Martin doesn't care. Martin says he actually already talked to Asslee, and she said that she dumped Simon before she left for vacation so that she could be "unattached" when she started college. Martin tells Matt that Ruthie said he can't get women. "Well, you can either believe her or prove her wrong," says Matt. Huh? Martin claims that Matt has "good advice."
At the restaurant, RevCam tells the waiter that Simon will be paying for the dinner, and then turns to Simon to asks him what he's doing with Georgia when his real girlfriend left for vacation. And he said that all in front of Georgia, just to make her feel like crap. How kind of you, Reverend! Oh, but wait -- Georgia says she knows all about Asslee. RevCam asks Georgia whether they discuss being "emotionally ready" to have sex in her father's classes. He adds that he doesn't think Simon is. Simon tells his dad that it doesn't matter what RevCam or Annie think; it matters what he and Georgia think. The waiter comes around with the check and calls Simon "sir," to which RevCam assholishy mutters a "'Sir?' Oh please." Simon adds that he thinks he must be pretty emotionally ready if he can stay at dinner when his parents show up just to ruin his night. "I've had it," Simon says, and he and Georgia get up to leave. RevCam asks Georgia how many teens are in her father's class. "About a hundred," says Georgia, a number that includes the kids from "other churches." Ha! Ha! Ha!
It's the morning in the CamKitchen, and Matt tells his dad that he wants to talk to Simon when he gets home. RevCam says that he, too, wants to talk to Simon. Matt wants him first because RevCam and Annie obviously aren't getting anywhere. Matt tells his dad that maybe he should talk to Martin. And maybe Matt should talk to his wife about how their marriage is a complete sham. Simon enters the house, and Matt leaves, wishing RevCam "good luck." RevCam asks Simon if he can talk to him now. Simon says that they talked enough last night to last until he goes back to school. At this, RevCam pulls out the "how are you paying for school?" card, saying that if Simon can make his own decisions about sex, he can certainly pay for his own school. Does RevCam have amnesia? Are his clarified-butter-blocked arteries restricting the blood flow to his brain? Because if not, he should remember what happened the last time he didn't agree with one of his children's life choices and made her pay for everything herself. He shouldn't remember being a big part of her life since then, because he hasn't been. Because she hates him now. Simon says he'll find a way to get the money if that's what RevCam is threatening. RevCam wonders if Simon can get the money from Asslee's dad, and Simon says that he can, because his job and his relationship with Asslee are mutually exclusive. Of course, this prompts RevCam to ask about Asslee, to which Simon says she's not his girlfriend anymore, then takes off.
Matt and Ruthie are walking down the hall. Annie runs up and nags at Ruthie to apologize to Martin before he goes to school. Ruthie says he already left, but that maybe she can apologize to him after her detention. She leaves. Matt informs his mother that her children are growing up and she can't just tell them what to do anymore. Matt informs Annie that "kids today" are smarter than he was when he was growing up. Well, sure, but so are one-celled creatures today. Matt says that RevCam and Annie are going to have to get smarter as they get older to deal with all the new temptations kids today have. Like what, cell phones? If he's talking about sex and drugs...well, those were around when RevCam and Annie were in school. Not that RevCam indulged in either. Annie is another story, which I can't wait to recap. "You're starting to sound like a doctor," Annie says. If by that she means condescending and self-important, then she's absolutely right.
Annie enters the twins' room to take them to school. But they're not there. They probably left the house some time last night when everyone else was too busy not being able to mind their own business to take care of their actually dependant children. Annie opens the connecting door to look for them in Simon's room, but all she finds is Simon in mid-dress. He's kind of pissed at the unannounced intrusion, but Annie isn't sorry. Apparently, because this is "her house" (which it isn't, it's the church's), she can just walk on into people's rooms whenever she damn well pleases. Huh. Mrs. Poole used that logic once and Annie wasn't quite so supportive of it then. Annie takes a different, kinder tone, and asks her son what's wrong with him. He says nothing. She asks where the twins are. He doesn't know.
Now let's join Annie in A Mother's "Love": The Search for Her Missing Children, already in progress. This probably happens about every third day, when Annie realizes that she hasn't seen her kids since the last time she found them. Annie notices an open closet and finds her boys inside, hiding under blankets. Except that they're using the Scooby-Doo hiding technique, which is to just throw something over yourself and hope no one finds it suspicious that there's a sheet standing of its own accord shaped like a man holding a big dog. Although in this case, it's two little boys. And Annie is at least marginally smarter than Mr. Henderson, the cranky old caretaker, and figures out where her sons are. She tells them that school will get better. "We make mistakes all the time," Vid says, desperately trying to make his mother to see that they have some severe learning disabilities. Annie says that people make mistakes, and then they learn from them. Sure, if they're capable of learning, which SamVid isn't. For example: "Please, no more learning," Sam begs. "Please, my head hurts," says Vid. Please, get them into a special education program. As Simon walks up behind her, Annie says that every day is a chance to learn and do better.
"Does that include you?" Simon asks Annie. Happy to have a distraction from the children who actually need her, Annie stands up and says it includes everyone, and that they can put the summer and last night and this morning behind them and talk about it. Hey Mommy Dumb-ass, maybe your whole "let's put this behind us" plan isn't so effective when your son dealing with the fact that HE RAN OVER AND KILLED A KID. Maybe instead of forgetting about that and running away from home, he should, like, oh, I don't know, deal with it? Annie preaches about the importance of respect, although respect certainly wasn't important when RevCam scoffed at Simon being considered a "sir" last night, was it?
Simon comes downstairs with his guitar and some bags and announces that he's going back to school early to get a job. "Go ahead," says RevCam, a.k.a. Giant Asshole Supreme. Lucy comes in and preemptively yells at her father for thinking she's pretty but not good enough to take over Chandler's job. Hey, Lucy, he never said anything about you being "pretty." He said you "look...nice," and there was a pause between the two words that indicates that he was trying to find a word to say that wasn't "ugly." So shut up. Also, maybe you should give him more than ONE NIGHT to make his decision. Patience is always a good character trait in a prospective employee. Lucy says she's going to find a job at some church even if it's not his. RevCam asks her if she'd like to start a "new kind" of Sunday School class at the church. What kind? RevCam tells Lucy that she's the "perfect person" to teach a class about abstinence. Lucy looks at her belly and asks if he's serious. He is, and he says he really needs her. Because she and Matt are the only children he has control over anymore, and he wants to tighten those reins. Before Lucy can make up her mind, Simon rushes back in the house, asking where his car is. Lucy says that Matt took the car, which is actually his car, to drop Ruthie off at school. Can't she ever take the damn bus? Simon had to. RevCam says that when the car comes back, Simon still can't drive it, since RevCam stopped paying for Simon's insurance. Simon starts to get mad, and Lucy starts in with something about older sister advice. "Butt out," Simon tells her. "Stay out of my apartment," says Lucy, and then agrees to teach her dad's little abstinence class. Lesson #1: make sure you're so unappealing that even a high-school boy would turn down the opportunity to have sex with you. Lesson #2: make some guy you just met agree to marry you before you're twenty. I'm sure her students will learn a lot and go on to lead miserable lives. Simon informs Lucy that RevCam is only starting this class to compete with Georgia's dad's class. Lucy is almost angry, but RevCam says some placating crap about Lucy being up to the challenge and she smiles and leaves, basking in the glow of being The Good Child.
Simon tells his father that he can't hold insurance money over Simon's head. He'll just get a ride up to school with Georgia, get a job, save money, and then buy his own car and pay for his own insurance, "and anything else [he] used to get from [RevCam]." Like the unconditional love of a father -- oh, wait. RevCam never gave Simon that. RevCam retaliates by showing him a letter he got from Simon's school that says that Simon is on "disciplinary probation." RevCam asks Simon how this happened. Simon chooses to leave instead of answer.
Kevin is all dressed up for Lucy's ultrasound appointment, and Lucy wants to know why. Kevin says that he was thinking they could go shopping and have dinner afterward. Lucy says she might need some stuff, then demands that her husband ask her what they are. It's stuff for her new abstinence class. Kevin kisses his little wifey on the forehead and calls her the "perfect woman" for the job. "I'm really happy about it," Lucy says, starting to cry. She says she doesn't know if she can do "it." Do what? "I don't know if I can have a baby," she sobs, "I wanna change my mind," she says. The doctor's appointment just made her realize that her baby is going to be real. And she's going to have to give birth to it, and it's gonna hurt. And she's scared. Aww...I feel sorry for her. And I'd imagine that she's having a moment that all first-time mothers have at some point in their pregnancy. I asked my mother if she had one when she was pregnant with me, but she said she didn't. That's because she was blissfully ignorant of what being my mother would entail. "We don't even have a place to put the baby once it gets out!" Lucy says. "Once it gets out"? I hope she employs technical terms like this in her abstinence class. Lesson #3: don't put the thing in the place and make it do the stuff until you're married. Kevin sort of tells Lucy that everything will be fine, and then he orders her to keep her chin up today and says they'll deal with this tomorrow. He wants today to be a good day that they can tell their kid about. Yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to tell your kid about the day you found out if it was male or female, and how its mother cried and said she wanted to change her mind. Kevin says that he "understand[s] [Lucy's] fear of the birthing process." He says he'd rather take a bullet for Lucy than give birth to a child for her. Uh...how romantic? But I'll give Beverley Mitchell props for her performance in that scene; I was actually impressed.
Martin enters the office of the counselor from the last episode (again, I'm still guessing it's the counselor, since her official title hasn't been made clear. Although I do like the implication that she's a new principal, and that Mizzz Jones got the hell away from Glenoak after her encounter with RevCam). Martin says that his reaction to getting pantsed was too strong, and that he doesn't think Ruthie should have detention. Don't back down, Martin! Stay strong! You were actually cool for fifteen minutes! Martin says he wants to work things out with Ruthie himself, and that he isn't used to being in a big family, and that having a little sister like Ruthie is "a challenge." Counselor sympathizes, adding that the Camdens have always been "a challenge." I guess she's heard this from somewhere since she certainly wasn't around for any of the other Camdens. Counselor says that if Ruthie can change her attitude, Counselor can "back off" the detention.
Martin finds Ruthie in the hall and apologizes to her, both for not having a sense of humor about her pantsing him and for not giving her a ride to school. Ruthie asks him if he talked to Matt, and Martin says he did. Ruthie says that Matt thinks he's wise now that he's a Fake Doctor, but that she just sees him as being sweet and goofy. Martin says he sees Matt as an almost-doctor with almost-good advice. Ruthie adds that Matt is also someone who's afraid that Martin would tell on Asslee about Simon. "Overhearing is my purpose in life," says Ruthie, neglecting to mention that it's actually second to taking over the world. Martin suggests that Ruthie put her listening skills to use and become a shrink. This excites the child, and then she apologizes for the pantsing. She says she feels stupid about what she did and has no excuse for it. Martin tells Ruthie that if she says that to the counselor (so she is a counselor and not the principal), she'll get out of detention. In my high school, the guidance counselors didn't really have the power to give or take away detentions. Mine always had to send me to the vice-principal to give me them. Ruthie says she'll serve her sentence. Detention is full of cute guys. What a punishment.
The twins come home only to hear, but not see, their mother, who calls down that she'll be right there. The twins snatch some freshly-baked cookies from a plate and try to figure out what they're going to tell their mother. Apparently, SamVid was involved in something involving a mouse and scaring that poor girl they bothered last episode and then the mouse running away, and then them running after it and getting lost. Then their teacher found them. "The end," they say in unison. I hope this isn't a recurring theme.
Matt finds Simon in Lucy and Kevin's apartment, which, wasn't Simon expressly told to stay out of it? And shouldn't Matt being staying out of someone's private home as well? Matt asks Simon how things went with their father. Simon says he hasn't talked to RevCam, and that he doesn't know how to tell his parents things they don't want to hear. And I don't blame him; every time he tries to, they screw him over. Matt asks Simon if he's having sex Georgia because he's upset about Asslee's dumping him. Simon asks Matt to talk to their parents instead of Simon. Matt agrees to talk to them, but then Simon has to as well. And then Simon starts to cry. Hey! This week's 7th Heaven is an acting bonanza!
RevCam comes home to find his wifey cooking dinner. Annie tells him about the non-twins' non-adventure with the mouse. RevCam asks about Simon, saying that he doesn't feel good about how he's been talking to him lately and threatening to withhold money because his child won't do "the right thing." He does not add that he should have realized this back when he ruined his relationship with Mary, but whatever. Annie also feels bad. And since the CamRents' being reasonable can't last more than thirty seconds, RevCam says that they shouldn't blame themselves for everything. He asks Annie what she's making; she says that Kevin asked her to grill steaks for a family dinner. So now her son-in-law AND her husband get to boss her around? Annie thinks the dinner is about finding out if they're going to have a grandson or a granddaughter. "I can't believe we're grandparents!" RevCam says, which, um...you couldn't believe it last season either, when your forgotten child gave birth to your first one. Annie and RevCam make out to celebrate their getting old as Matt comes in. He watches them and isn't all squicked out. In fact, he's jealous. Shut up, Matt.
And now Matt is going to introduce his parents to the subject of Simon's having sex. He says that sometimes, people are in love and want to be with each other, even when they aren't married. And sometimes, unmarried people who aren't in love want to be with each other. Like teenagers. "I see it every day," says Matt, adding that there are some "surprisingly high" statistics blah blah blah thank you, non-Dr. Pamphlet. RevCam asks Matt why he's telling him stuff he already knows. Matt adds that sometimes, the sexually active teens want to talk to their parents, but don't feel like they can. Even if the parents are "good" parents who talk to their kids about sex all the time. In fact, most would say they talk about it with their children a little too much. Matt adds that some parents don't want to know if their kids are having sex. I hope he isn't talking about the CamRents, who have always seemed pathetically desperate to uncover information about their children's sexual non-activities. RevCam asks Matt if he's been taking classes at the Chapel of Renewed Faith. Matt says that Asslee broke up with Simon, and now Simon's with a new girl. And by the way, he's totally having sex with her, and that's why he's on disciplinary probation. "Exactly what are you trying to say?" asks RevCam the Stupid. Matt says that Simon needs to talk to his parents and they need to listen.
Lucy and Kevin come home with new clothes and Lucy seems to be feeling better about stuff. Kevin apologizes for fainting at the appointment. He was "overwhelmed." They really do have sex in the dark.
Matt heats up the grill as Ruthie says she wishes Matt and PC went to school in Glenoak. This leads Matt to order her to go to college, start a career, get married, and have children. Ruthie says that none of her other siblings did that. But hey, Ruthie, they're not actually biologically related to you, so you're the most likely candidate to buck the trend. Matt tells her some crap about how she should make her own decisions about doing what she wants to do, even though three seconds ago he was telling her how to lead her life. Ruthie asks Matt if he's trying to tell her to have a plan to wait before marriage to have sex. Matt says he would, in fact, like to know Ruthie's plans about sex. Ewwwww. Ruthie says that whatever prevents her from having the conversation with her parents that Simon is currently having is what she'll do. That makes sense; if the CamRents were my parents, I would do whatever meant I wouldn't have to have any conversations with them about anything, ever. Mackenzie Rosman attempts to say some crap line about how Matt's new "voice of authority" suits him.
Lucy and Kevin enter the back yard, along with Martin, the twins, and Happy. Martin asks if they're having a girl or a boy. "Are we uncles or aunts?" ask SamVid. If Matt were as good a fake-doctor as he purports to be, he would have noticed that his brothers need some serious help, wouldn't he? Lucy says they're waiting for the CamRents to come out so they can tell them. It could be a long wait, but "we're waiting," Lucy says anvilly.
Living room. RevCam asks Simon if it was worse having sex and not telling his parents than it was to just not have sex. Simon says that at first, having sex "was great." And then he started to feel guilty about it as he realized that he doesn't really want to be with Georgia. RevCam exposits that Simon and Georgia spent so much time together and cut so many classes that they got put on probation. Not academic probation, mind you, but disciplinary probation. Maybe they got caught doing it in the library or something. RevCam says he can't believe that his son would "so easily" abandon what his family has taught him all his life, and that he "hates" what Simon has been doing, although he claims to love Simon. Simon asks what he should do about Georgia. Should he break up with her? RevCam doesn't think that Simon should care about Georgia; he should focus on getting his life back on track. That's right, RevCam. Teach your son to be selfish and not care about the feelings of others. That's the Christian way! Well, it's the Glenoak Community Church way. I have a feeling things are different at the Chapel of Renewed Faith. Simon says he should break up with Georgia before he worries about himself. Hey, here's an idea of RevCam's that is sure to solve the problem: why doesn't Simon ask for God's forgiveness and then promise to not have sex ever again until he's married? Simon doesn't look too thrilled about this plan. Maybe he's pissed because he's asking his dad for advice and all he's getting back is stuff about his dad "hating" what he's done and telling him to pray about it.
RevCam asks Simon about his therapy at school. Simon asks how that is relevant. RevCam says it's very important. Simon says he went -- once. Then he got distracted. And way to check up on your son and make sure that he was getting the help he needed, RevCam. But this isn't your fault, right? RevCam says he thinks that Simon had sex to avoid thinking about the accident. Simon says he's over the accident. He just wants his dad to understand that he's just like every other guy his age, and that it's okay that he has unsafe sex. And he doesn't want to feel like he has to be with Georgia forever just because he slept with her. "Say that what was right for you might not be right for me. Say that what I did was okay," Simon asks his father. RevCam won't say any of that, of course. He will ask if Simon's been having safe sex. "Of course," Simon says. Hey, where'd he learn about that? Not from his parents, surely. Thanks, Chapel of Renewed Faith! RevCam tells his son that he's not the kind of person who can just have casual relationships with women because he has "more than a casual relationship with Christ." WHOA! Did he say the C-word? JEEZUS IN THE HIZZOUSE!! And Simon has "more than a casual relationship" with Him. Hee. RevCam tells his son that sex outside of marriage is "complicated." "Maybe it'll get better," Simon says. "I doubt it," says RevCam. How would he know? RevCam asks his son if he'd be willing to see a therapist in town, and then they can talk again. He doesn't want to send his son back to school for "more of the same." Simon says he'll think about going to therapy. RevCam says he'll pray. They hug. "Everything's gonna be okay," RevCam says, "until you go to hell and suffer for your sins for the rest of eternity." I have mixed feelings about that scene and whatever lesson it's trying to teach the viewers. On one hand, I think the way RevCam reacted was in character, as was the way Simon was guilty about having pre-marital sex and confused whether having sex with someone meant he would have to marry her, after everything his parents taught him and his older siblings have given him as examples. On the other hand, I don't really like the indication that people only have pre-marital sex because they're hiding from some other problem. Even super-religious people like Simon. He wanted to have sex with Sascha and Asslee long before he killed anyone.
And now everyone is outside for the big picnic. Everyone stares at Simon and RevCam and the Violins of Suspense play. I was expecting Simon to have to make an announcement about having sex, but no, Lucy just hugs him. And then her dad. And then Matt hugs Simon. And then Ruthie demands to know the sex of the baby so she can get started making her voodoo doll of it. "It's a girl!" Lucy and Kevin say. SamVid applaud. "OOOOHH!!!" screams Annie, and over-the-top, ridiculous reactions like that are probably why she wasn't included in that last scene. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged. The twins sit on the sidelines, still applauding, as a mouse makes it way under their shoes. Happy barks at it. Everyone ignores Happy. Was the mouse supposed to represent Jesus?