Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread are hugging in the kitchen, and Tetanus Girl mentions that they are going to rehearse their scene at some point. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says smugly, "I am being pursued by Kaia, no doubt about it," and pops a tiny boner. Tetanus Girl walks up to Wonder Bread in the kitchen and they kiss, and then Wonder Bread laughs. Back in the confessional, Wonder Bread says, "It screws with my mind because I'm not the type of guy to like multiple women." Just when my stomach settles down, they kiss again. I really think that, in this scene, they were rehearsing for the play, because the kisses are very staged, and seem to come out of nowhere. I think Tetanus Girl probably said something about rehearsing the kiss, and so they did. In a confessional, Colin says that he has advice for Matt: "Don't ever date a roommate." Ruthie looks at pictures of Sarah.
Annoying picks out some wigs and pays for them. At lunch with Pam, Annoying says that she's going to enjoy her days in Hawaii and then go home and everything will be back to normal. Again, less talk, more action! Stop talking about enjoying yourself and start actually enjoying yourself. Annoying says that she doesn't like the fact that this affects her so much, and Pam sympathizes with her. I still feel bad for Annoying, but one more scene of her talking about it might put me on the other side.
Everyone is in the van. Wonder Bread and Tetanus Girl are nuzzling each other. Teck says that it's time to rally, so I guess they are on their way to the No Talent Show. Colin asks if everyone called people to come to the show. In a confessional, Colin says that he is a little worried because they never had a full dress rehearsal. At Local Motion, Colin checks the sound. Ruthie and Annoying sit at a table. Annoying says that she's going to miss Colin. Ruthie says that Colin is not mad at Annoying, as much as he is hurt, so he's acting angry to cover the hurt, and it's going to take him a while to get over it.
Colin gives Calvin some directions on sound. The audience arrives. Backstage, Colin gives all the women a good luck kiss. Annoying sits by herself. Wonder Bread comes out to start the show with an improvised introduction. He really should have written something down because he just rambles on and on and then walks offstage.
Good Riddance
Ruthie comes out to start the show with a rap. If you're really interested, it's in the new book. She reads it from a piece of paper and stumbles over some of the words. Also, it makes no sense. The one good thing I have to say about it is that it's short. up is the Dating Game skit. The only part of this we get to see is Teck being asked what kind of car he would be. He replies, "A cross between a limousine, a long black limousine, and a Por-shay because I'm long, black and I'm fast, girl." If that was the funniest line in the skit, they are in big trouble. , Wonder Bread and Teck do their spoof of The View. Wonder Bread is wearing Brenda's prom dress with a black button-down shirt underneath. It would be a lot more convincing without the shirt, but then again, do I really want to see more of his body? No. Teck looks like "Superfreak"-era Rick James in drag. They are going to show us how to take a home pregnancy test. Wonder Bread is using that funny feminine voice again, except that it's neither funny nor feminine. Teck says, "You take the applicator and you applicate." Again, if that's the highlight of the skit, I can't imagine how bad the rest was. Teck says that performing is a natural high, as if his whole ladies' man persona is not one big performance.
Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread begin their skit. We don't really see enough of it to tell what is going on, but Tetanus Girl is holding a gun and berating Wonder Bread, who is tied up on a chair. I yell at the television, "Shoot him, shoot him!" In a voice-over, Annoying says, "That sucks." I laugh, until they cut to Annoying crying in the bathroom and I realize that she wasn't referring to the skit. In a confessional, Annoying says, "I feel like an outsider and I don't feel like being all yippety-doo with these people." In the bathroom, Annoying tells Pam once again that she doesn't want them to know they got to her. Pam tells her to just accept that they did and move on. She continues, "Just because someone has a complaint against you doesn't mean you have to believe it." Back on stage, Tetanus Girl lays a big old kiss on Wonder Bread. Wonder Bread tells us, "I have executed a stage kiss before and this isn't a stage kiss. This is a big-time, tongue-jabbing, passionate kiss on the mouth. This is a kiss of passion." Did he have to say "tongue-jabbing"? They show the kiss twice and the second time it's in slow motion, to try to make it look like it lasted longer than it actually did.
There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better [Annoying singing on stage],
Some have gone [Justin lying in bed]
and some remain [Ruthie rapping]
All these places [Taj Mahal]
lose their meaning [Tetanus Girl] With lovers and friends that came before [Annoying and Colin hug on the beach]
I know I'll often stop and think about them [Annoying and Colin kiss]
In my life I'll love you more.
When she finishes, Colin and Tetanus Girl come up on stage and give her a hug and Colin pretends that he's humping them, which is mature. In a confessional, Ruthie says, "She's got a lot of qualities to be proud of; I don't know if she thinks that. There are so much things [sic] that shouldn't...that should make her not feel insecure [sic]...she's got a lot going for her if she just believed it." Thus begins the Obvious Storyline of Amaya's Growth. You'll get very familiar with it throughout the rest of the episode. Colin thanks the audience and his roommates. Then he says to Annoying, while still onstage, "I just want to say I think you're a beautiful and caring person. I'm always going to cherish the time we spent together." Predictably, Annoying starts crying. It seems really weird that Colin would take time out to say something just to Annoying and he was reading it from a paper in his hand. I think he probably said something individually to each roommate, but that they only showed that one because it fit the storyline. In a confessional, Annoying says it's been a hard week, but maybe Colin knows and remembers who she is. On stage, Teck is wearing a wife-beater and boxer-briefs and I really did NOT need to see that. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says, "We did it. We wanted to make people laugh and we did it." I'm sure people laughed, but probably not how he thinks.
Then there's a really boring part where they tell Calvin what a great boss he was, and give him a gift.
Good Riddance
Ruthie has people over and tells them to go skinny-dipping if they want. The producers bust out the pixellator as Ruthie gets naked, but she seems to be the only one who does. Colin asks what is going on and Tetanus Girl says, "How can you desexualize your body so much like that?" I could go through and count how many times Tetanus Girl appeared topless in the first few episodes, including whipping her shirt off while talking to Justin in the very first one, but you all get the point. She's a big flaming hypocrite and a bitch. Colin says that underwear was created to cover you up. Tetanus Girl shudders and says that Ruthie makes her sick, and then, speaking of making people sick, she snuggles up to Wonder Bread. Ruthie jumps off the volcano into the pool and her friends tell her she rocks. Annoying sleeps. Colin packs. Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread rub each other on the bed. Ruthie tells her friends she's going to do a backflip when she graduates and say, "I'm the queen of the world." Then she tells her friends about her part in Wonder Bread's and Sarah's road trip. Back in the house, Tetanus Girl says, "Do you think that if we just went to bed, she would deal with it?" Wonder Bread says, "Ruthie would deal with it?" and Tetanus Girl says "Mmm-hmm," and Wonder Bread says, "Mmm-hmm."
They get into bed together and Tetanus Girl fires up a cigarette. Wonder Bread says, "Kaia says she can have any man. I don't know if that's true, but she has mastered the skill of seduction." As if it would be difficult to seduce Wonder Bread, who hasn't gotten any since, well, probably ever. He continues, "Kaia wants me to have sex with her and that's not on my mind. What is on my mind is telling Kaia as much as she needs to know about Sarah." You know, if sex is not on his mind, why is he getting into bed with her? He could tell her what he needs to and not be in the bed. I think he did a confessional after this incident to do damage control on what Sarah sees. Big fat liar. The whole time these two are talking, they are cuddling and spooning and you can't see their hands, which makes me really nervous. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says, "She tells me over and over again, 'You know me really well and you don't know Sarah very well at all. The choice should be easy.'" Tetanus Girl tells Wonder Bread to do what he wants. Wonder Bread says, "I want to remove my heart and ask it questions." I want to remove his heart, period. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says that Sarah makes him think of lust and passion and long-term relationships. Tetanus Girl makes him think of friendship. Wonder Bread tells Tetanus Girl that he has no commitment to Sarah, and that he has the freedom to do what he wants to do. I totally think that he would have done it, except suddenly Ruthie shows up with a video camera. While they talk to Ruthie, Wonder Bread has something in his hand. At first I thought it was a condom (ew!) but after careful scrutiny, I think it's a piece of paper. He hides it when Ruthie shows up. What was that about? Anyway, Tetanus Girl tells her to get out. Ruthie sings that song about "Put your hands where my eyes can see," and they show her their hands. In a confessional, Ruthie says "Kaia is like a cat. She watches her prey and then she attacks."
The morning, Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread are asleep in bed together. Wonder Bread is such a bed hog! He is totally lying diagonally across the bed and hogging the covers. Annoying and Colin are both packing. Ruthie and Wonder Bread pack, and Ruthie says she thought Wonder Bread liked her sister. They show a black-and-white clip of the night before where Wonder Bread has his pinky hooked in Tetanus Girl's belt. Yuck. Ruthie tells Wonder Bread that Tetanus Girl just likes him because he is unavailable to her. Wonder Bread agrees that that could be the case. In a confessional, Ruthie repeats that Tetanus Girl just likes Wonder Bread because he's unavailable. We got that the first time, thanks. Ruthie tells Wonder Bread that Tetanus Girl wants what she can't have and totally picks her nose. Pick a winner, Ruthie! In a confessional, Wonder Bread says "Kissing Kaia gives me a felt understanding of just how much I feel for Sarah." Just for old times sake, I'll point out what a stupid saying "felt understanding" is. Wonder Bread says he doesn't want to jeopardize his friendship with Tetanus Girl, and Ruthie tells him to tell her that.
Annoying packs. The song playing is about being "strong enough to not be afraid of what anybody thinks or what anybody says." Annoying goes outside and we see a black-and-white flashback of her conversation with Ruthie from last week. Ruthie tells Annoying not to worry about what others think and to take care of herself. Annoying says that she wishes she could stand up for herself. Back in the now, Annoying asks Tetanus Girl if she can talk to her and Tetanus Girl says she's about to leave and tries to blow Annoying off. Annoying persists and Tetanus Girl says they can talk while she gets dressed. Here is what Annoying says: "I'm gonna say this because I don't think I can live with myself if I don't say something before I go. I am here to officially stand up for Amaya. It's hypocritical that I am told to look within myself when I think that there's a lot of people who should be looking within themselves here, and I feel like this is bullshit." Tetanus Girl says, "What?" in a really bitchy way. Annoying continues, "I feel like I've been put through a lot of bullshit." Tetanus Girl says, "For nothing?" Annoying says, "No. I admit wrongdoing. I am not claiming innocence but if I'm not innocent, no one is innocent. I think this is like a huge, huge bit of hypocrisy." Tetanus Girl says frostily, "What. Exactly. Do you want?" Annoying says, "What I want is just to say this," which is a bit of lame ending to the conversation.
In a confessional, Annoying says that she is glad she told Tetanus Girl what she thinks, and she feels really strong. She tells Tetanus Girl, "I like myself so much more right now than I have since I've been here." Okay, Annoying has to learn the art of the last word. When you tell someone off, you have to plan a dramatic last phrase and then stomp on out of there, not rehash how you feel right now. Tetanus Girl tells her Annoying feels good because of the "whole self-evaluation process." In a confessional, Annoying says, "Kaia acts like she's responsible for my strength. Well, guess what, Kaia? I didn't get strength from you. I got it from the place I last expected. I got my strength from Ruthie. So take THAT," and she flips her off. That would have been better if (a) she had said she got her strength from herself, and (b) she had actually said it to Tetanus Girl's face, and not to the camera. Annoying leaves Tetanus Girl's room and pumps her fist in the air while the band sings, "I walk alone."