7th Heaven S08E11

In order to recap this movie, I had to purchase a copy of it from Wal-Mart, which sucked. I mean, the fact that I had to buy it didn't suck -- it was really cheap, so that was no problem. But the fact that I had to actually be seen purchasing a copy of The Babysitter's Seduction -- that sucked. I tried to be all inconspicuous about it and not attract any attention to my horrible-movie-buying self in the store, but I couldn't find any copies, so I had to ask a salesperson to help me. I was all, "UhyeahI'm looking for a DVD." "What's it called?" he asked, looking up. I realized that he was a kid I knew from high school. "[sigh] It's called The Babysitter's Seduction." He said nothing, so I decided to clarify. "UmI'm only buying it so I can review it, for my joblike, I'm getting paid to watch it, okay? It's not like I, you know, want a copy for myself or anythingheh heh heh." Anyway, he totally didn't care and directed me to look in the bargain bin, which was supposed to have one copy of the movie left. Of course, the bargain bin is huge and really tall, so I (not being the tallest person around, possibly even at a midget conference. It should be said, however, that I am not the shortest person at a TWoP conference. That honor goes to the nice woman who recaps the show that airs after mine, although she'll deny it if you ask her) had to bend over so that my feet were lifted off the ground to search through it, and I started sifting through this mass of, like, tens of DVDs, looking for the sole copy of The Babysitter's Seduction. Plus, I hadn't eaten dinner that night, so I was pretty hungry. After a while, some people took pity on me and kindly offered to assist me in my search, except that that would mean that they would have to know what I was looking for, which was unacceptable. Finally, the salesperson I knew from high school took pity on me and helped and he was pretty tall, so he could actually reach the bottom of the bargain bin, which was where the DVD was, and he found it and gave it to me. And then I bought it and charged it to my credit card because I didn't have enough cash on me, so now everyone at Bank One knows that I purchased a copy of The Babysitter's Seduction too.

And the DVD I got, after all that, is so budget. The case claims that the film is a "true story," which the actual movie never dares to say, because it would be such a huge lie. Plus, it has the tagline: "She was hired to watch over the kids. But who was going to watch over her." Now, that should end in a question mark, but they obviously didn't have the money to spend on the extra ink, so they just gave it a period. And then the DVD claims to have "Keri Russell bonus features," but when you click on it, it just has her filmography and some "trivia," like, did you know that Keri Russell starred in the video for Bon Jovi's "Always"? No, of course you didn't. Because you don't care. And did you know that Keri Russell once dated Scott Speedman, but is now dating Patrick Dempsey? It's true, according to this crappy "Lifetime True Stories" DVD. Oh, plus, the back of the case totally gives the entire story away. So I hope you really like this recap and that it's worth all the pain and humiliation I went through to write it.

RevCam is in the back seat of a car, his eyes filled with tears. As he pretty much looks like this in every episode of 7th Heaven, it has little emotional impact on me. The car drives up to RevCam's house, and he and Frank get out. "Now, the couple days are going to be real rough for you," Frank says to RevCam, as Frank's deductive reasoning skills are about as good as his partner's. Speaking of his partner, Clair, who was apparently driving the car, gets out and answers a phone call. She hangs up and walks over to Frank and RevCam. She tells Frank that she just heard that the gun that was in Sally's hand was not registered. Again, way to divulge confidential case information in front of a non-police officer. She asks him if he knew Sally had a gun. RevCam says that Sally hated guns, and would never have brought one in the house with the children there. Then he sort of collapses, and Frank gives him a hug while he sobs. RevCam has more chemistry with Frank than he ever did Annie.

Felicity's in her own bed in her own house for a change. Her mother comes into the bedroom and says there's someone here to see her. Clair walks in, and Felicity's mom leaves. If my daughter was getting questioned by a police detective in her bedroom, I would probably stick around, but maybe that's how they do it on The Wrong Side of the Tracks. Clair says she has some questions for Felicity, then notices some shiny trophies on her dresser. "You're a swimmer!" she exclaims. The Easily Distracted Clair Huxtable, ladies and gentlemen! Finally, she remembers why she's there and starts asking Felicity about some "loose ends." First, she asks what RevCam meant when he said, on the answering machine message, that things had been "crazy" that morning. "Crazy how?" Clair asks. Felicity says that it was usual family stuff, nothing like Sally saying that she was going to kill herself as soon as the house was empty. Clair asks if Sally seemed happy to Felicity. Felicity says yes, and her opinion means something, because she's a qualified psychiatrist who's been working with Sally for a long time. Or a high school girl who's been babysitting for a few months. Same difference. Felicity says that Sally had a "great life" and everything she wanted. True: rich people never kill themselves.

Clair and Frank are hanging out at the funeral reception. Frank says he's known RevCam since their high school football days. RevCam walks up and Clair says her condolences, then: "I realize that this might not be the most appropriate time, but was your wife under psychiatric care?" Frank's like, "Clair! Shut it!" but RevCam says it's okay and he'll answer her questions. Clair asks why Sally wasn't under psychiatric care, as the autopsy showed that she had an anti-depressant in her system, a kind that makes some "users" prone to "wild mood swings." "Users"? It's an anti-depressant, not crack. RevCam stands there with his mouth open, leading Clair to ask if RevCam knew Sally was taking anti-depressants. RevCam says he obviously didn't, idiot. Frank whisks RevCam away from his rude-ass co-worker.

A car comes tearing into a palm-tree lined parking lot, and a guy gets out. Clair, now wearing her fourth outfit of the movie, tells a police officer at the desk that she has to go home because her dog is "more demanding than [her] ex-husband was. He was always asking me to bring him pudding pops." She may not have said that last sentence. The man from the car comes running into the station, saying he needs to speak to someone about Sally. Clair volunteers herself. "I'm Paul Richards," the man says, to the beats of Jan Hammer's overused drum machine. "I was Sally's lover."

We get an establishing shot of some tall buildings over a river for about five minutes, then see RevCam and Frank on the balcony of one of the buildings. RevCam gives Frank a bottle of pills, saying he found it in his wife's closet and it might be the anti-depressants they're looking for. Rocking a bright blue suit, Frank sniffs one of the pills and says he'll have it checked out. Then he asks RevCam if he knows a guy named Paul Richards. RevCam says he doesn't. Frank says that a man named Paul Richards is claiming to have been Sally's lover, was out of town when Sally died, and just found out about it now. He's also claiming that Sally was about to leave RevCam. RevCam turns around and grips the balcony railing. Hey, Frank: do you think you might, in the future, wait until you're not to the edge of a tall building to tell someone his wife was cheating on him? Just a thought. Frank says he's sorry, and he wanted to be the one to tell RevCam, not someone else. Like Clair, who probably would have walked into one of RevCam's kids' birthday parties, set fire to all the presents, and then loudly announced that Sally was having an affair within earshot of the kids. Because that's the kind of tactful gal Clair is.

And we're at Felicity's high school. She's in typing class with Bardo and Tracy. Some girl looks up and asks Felicity if Sally was "just lying there, all bloody, when [Felicity] found her?" I wouldn't call her "all bloody," considering she only had, like, a speck of blood where the gunshot wound was supposed to be. But Felicity says yes because everyone likes to tell a good story. The girl asks Felicity if she's going to still work there. Felicity says she doesn't know, but she really feels bad for the kids. Bardo manages to tear himself away from Mavis Beacon to order Felicity not to baby-sit anymore.

Now Felicity is sitting in a fancy-schmancy restaurant. RevCam comes in and sits down, apologizing for being late. He takes a napkin and puts it on his lap; Felicity follows suit. See, she's from The Wrong Side of the Tracks, where they don't practice good table manners, so she has to learn by observing. RevCam whines about how sad he is about his wife being dead and stuff. Felicity asks about the kids; RevCam says they're okay. "Mommy who?" they often say. RevCam asks Felicity how she's doing. Felicity says that Homecoming is coming up at her school (no, really? That's the first we've heard about this "Homecoming dance") and everyone's trying to get dates. RevCam says he's sure that's not a problem for her. Is this "the babysitter's seduction"? It's about damn time. Not that I actually want to see it, but if a movie's going to advertise itself as being about a guy seducing his babysitter, then we really shouldn't have to wait until the first third of the movie is over to actually see it start to happen. RevCam gets down to brass tacks: his mom is leaving soon, and he could really use someone to help with the kids. I find it hard to believe that that feeble old lady who couldn't even climb stairs was able to take care of children, but okay. Felicity tells him to give her a call; she's "available."

Felicity's at RevCam's house, looking through a photo album. Ah, memories of the times a family that isn't yours spent together, without you. How interesting. RevCam enters and asks if the kids are in bed, then takes a seat to Felicity and looks at the photo album. "I keep asking myself why I didn't see how much pain she was in," he says, while Felicity sits there like, "Well, this just got awkward." She puts a comforting arm on his shoulder. He tells her to come outside; he has a surprise for her. Felicity giggles. Outside, RevCam tells Felicity that he wants her to use the "new car" -- the Range Rover that used to be poor dead Sally's -- to drive the kids around. He hands her the keys and tells her to press a button on them. She does, and the car alarm chirps. Felicity laughs like this is the coolest thing ever.

Felicity's haggard old mother takes the trash outside and notices a new Range Rover in her driveway. Hey, hold up -- RevCam said he wanted Felicity to drive the kids around in the car, not that he wanted her to take it home with her. Anyway, Felicity's mom is all, "FELICITY!!!" We cut to a pubescent boy running around the car and saying how great it is. Hello, pubescent boy. Thanks for entering this movie without any sort of introduction. He's actually supposed to be Jeff, Felicity's brother. Felicity's mom says it's unbelievable, and that her daughter is eighteen years old and doesn't need to be driving a Range Rover. Jeff asks for a ride to school. Felicity and Jeff jump in the car. Felicity's mom claims that the car costs twice as much as she makes in a year, which is a blatant lie since I know that nurses can make pretty good bank, up to fifty dollars an hour if they work at the right place. Felicity's mom must be lazy. She tells Felicity to be careful; Felicity shows off her careful skills by screeching her tires as she pulls out of the driveway.

Felicity pulls up at school and shows off her new wheels. Tracy thinks the Range Rover is great; Bardo, not so much. He wants to know what Felicity gave RevCam for him to give this to her. Tracy jumps in the car and raves about how it even has a phone. I'm beginning to think that this movie was written in 1985. Felicity and Bardo fight some more, and then he leaves. "What's his problem?" Felicity asks Tracy. "I don't know, but this thing is bad!" Tracy says. She's cool.

Clair is back, and she's wearing yet another new sensible pantsuit. She's on her way out of the station until Frank asks her where she's going. She says she's going to her house to let her dog out. Does Clair ever work? She lazier than Felicity's mom. Frank's all, "You treat that dog better than you treat me!" Clair says that her dog "does more" for her than Frank does. I don't want to know what that's about, but I really hope that peanut butter isn't involved. Clair says she left the lab results from Sally's autopsy on Frank's desk. He asks her if everything checked out. She says it didn't, actually, then walks away. Hey, should Frank really be working on a case involving his best friend like that? Frank calls out to her across the parking lot and asks her what she means. Clair yells back that Sally had no gunpowder residue on her hand. Any and all of the bikini-clad women (I know, I thought this was supposed to be television for women) walking around those two could hear this. Frank and Clair seriously need to take a few lessons on preserving confidentiality. Frank says that the gunpowder tests aren't always one hundred percent conclusive. Clair says that Sally was murdered, and does Frank want to tell RevCam or should she? If he's within a half mile of those two, then he already knows, doesn't he?

Suddenly, RevCam's in his closet with Frank, punching at Sally's empty hangers and claiming that Felicity took all of Sally's stuff away even though he told her that he wasn't ready. Frank offers to arrest Felicity; RevCam, now showing us his control-freak tendencies by fixing the hangers he just knocked off the rack, says that he can't have another female figure in his kids' lives taken away from them. Frank asks RevCam if he's doing anything "stupid" with Felicity. RevCam says no, because what he's doing isn't so much stupid as it is stomach-turning. Frank says he wouldn't blame RevCam for putting the moves on Felicity, as she is "cute as a button." A button with really, really big hair.

Felicity and her mother are shopping for homecoming dresses. Mom offers to buy Felicity some ugly black shoes that she claims will go perfectly with Felicity's blue dress. A saleslady walks by, wearing a tiny yellow dress underneath an oversized white blazer. Not only was this movie written in 1985, but it also seems to have been shot then, too. Felicity asks Mom if she can stay at Tracy's for homecoming weekend. Mom is so glad that Felicity won't be babysitting that she agrees.

Back at home, Felicity is arranging her new dress and shoes on her bed and looking sad. Clair -- hi, Clair! Haven't seen you in a while! (SPCCC: 9) -- drives up, and Felicity meets her outside. Apparently, Felicity asked Clair to ask Frank to stop bothering her. Clair reports that Frank thinks that Felicity murdered Sally, and that RevCam has been telling him all kinds of things, like that Felicity stole Sally's necklace -- the very necklace that currently adorns Felicity's neck. Smart, Felicity -- wear the necklace your mother forbid you to have around your house. RevCam also told Frank that Felicity threw out all of his wife's stuff. Felicity says that Frank must be lying, because he hates her for not being Sally. Clair sets her straight: Frank is a good cop (well, compared to a certain detective who walks around disclosing confidential case information ahem Clair ahem) and isn't in the habit of framing teenage girls for murders just because he doesn't like them. RevCam, however, might be a different story. Felicity opens her mouth and looks around. This prompts Clair to ask her if she's sleeping with RevCam. Felicity doesn't answer. "Fe-li-city," Clair says, sounding like a disappointed mother. Clair and Felicity then stand around for a while, waiting for the scene to end.

RevCam comes home and looks for his girlfriend.

Pushing a mute lawnmower (a miracle of science!) around the backyard, Jeff yells at Felicity to answer the phone. She can't, because she's too busy sitting on her tree swing and looking sad. She asks Jeff where their mother is; she called her over an hour ago. Jeff does not comment on how that was probably their mother who just tried to call. Instead he says that Mom's at "some training thing."

On her way into the police station, Clair (SPCCC: 10) walks into RevCam, who's on his way out. He says he came to see her; Frank told him to tell her if he was leaving town. He's going to Tampa for a few days. He also heard that there's a missing persons report on Paul Richards, and asks Clair to keep him updated on it. Clair responds sarcastically to everything he says. RevCam's cell phone rings, and he walks away to talk on it. Clair turns around and asks him if that cell phone is the same one he called his house on the day Sally was murdered. RevCam says it is. Clair smiles smugly and wishes RevCam a nice trip. RevCam walks away, and then has a flashback to earlier in the movie, when he gave his cell phone to Sally to make dinner plans with the family friends. Then he flashes back to after he shot her in the face, when his cell phone rang and startled him.

Clair listens to the answering machine tape of RevCam calling Sally from his cell phone and says "gotcha." She asks an officer to get RevCam's cell phone records for her and to page Frank. The officer says sure, then looks at his watch and says, "It's Willie time!" Ewww. Clair tries to call Felicity, but the line is busy. Poor people can't afford call waiting.

Back at The Mansion on the Wrong Side of the Tracks, Felicity yells at her brother for tying up the phone line while she's waiting for their mother to call. As soon as he hangs up, the phone rings. It's RevCam, calling from a few hours into the future, where it's late evening, whereas back at Felicity's house in the past, it's still appears to be early afternoon. He asks Felicity where she is, saying that she was supposed to meet him at his house. Felicity says her mom found out that she wasn't going to Tracy's and grounded her. RevCam offers to come over and tell Haggard "how badly [he] need[s] [Felicity] this weekend." Felicity's pretty sure that that would just make things worse, then says she has to go because she hears her mother coming. RevCam tells her that he loves her, then tosses the phone on the passenger seat. He stares at some weird wire thing he's got in his hand, then gets out of the car. Oh, that is so dumb. He just left his phone sitting in the passenger seat of an open convertible, where anyone could steal it. And cell phones were really expensive in 1985.

Felicity runs away from the phone. Jeff asks her if she's actually grounded. Shut up, Jeff.

RevCam puts his murderin' black leather gloves on and breaks into Clair's beach house. Her dog barks at him. RevCam takes a light bulb out of a lamp and replaces it with the thing he had in his hands, which is actually a light bulb with the glass bulb part removed. The dog decides to leave, exiting through the door RevCam left open. What a great little guard dog he is. Worth all the time and money Clair reports to have spent on him. RevCam walks up to Clair's stove and blows out the pilot light. Then he turns on the gas, incompetently deciding to crank it all the way down to "lite" instead of "hi." Besides that little gaffe, it's a neat little way to blow someone's house up. I wonder how he learned it. Perhaps he modemed it from The Anarchist's Cookbook. RevCam leaves the house and walks towards the ocean, in the complete opposite direction of where his car is parked. Is he going to swim home?

And here is the exact moment when this movie goes from being slow and boring to extremely ridiculous. It's all downhill from here, folks. Clair pulls up to her house and walks inside. She turns her bulb-less light on and it makes a spark. Clair's dog barks at her from across the beach, and Clair runs out of her house to get him. Then the house explodes. Now, I'm the first person to admit that my knowledge of science is pretty poor, but shouldn't the house have gone up in flames the second that spark ignited and not thirty seconds afterwards? Perhaps the gas read the script and saw that Clair needed to survive because she was being played by a semi-famous actress. Phylicia Rashad does her best to look like she's dramatically landing on the beach after being flung fifty feet by an exploding house, but it just looks like she hilariously lay down for a nap while someone threw pieces of smoking driftwood at her. Oh, and her cheek is bleeding. RevCam smiles as he watches the fireworks from his position of thirty feet away. Oh, that's brilliant. Surely no one will notice his suspicious-looking ass standing right to the scene of the crime. Clair's useless dog runs up and starts licking her face. "Tastes like a mixture of corn syrup and red food coloring!" he thinks.

Felicity knocks on a door. Tracy answers, all dressed up. Felicity looks at her, then remembers that Homecoming is tonight. Felicity asks Tracy why Frank thought that her necklace was stolen. Tracy says that RevCam told him it was missing. Felicity looks upset, and Tracy asks her if she's finally wising up about her employer. Felicity asks Tracy if she told Frank that Felicity had the necklace. Tracy says it just kind of slipped out. Felicity tells Tracy that she looks amazing, and she's sorry. For being "such a major bitch?" Tracy asks. Don't push it, Tracy. They hug, and we hear a car door slam. It's Bardo, dressed in a tuxedo. Man, they went all out for Homecoming in 1985. My dates just wore regular suits, although I may not be the best judge, since my Homecoming memories are less than happy. Like the time my boyfriend dumped me at the dance because I wanted to go to a motel party. Now he gets to re-live Homecoming over and over again because he's dating a girl who's still in high school. Oh, and he also wrote "slut" all over my car in the school parking lot, which didn't even make sense since another reason why he dumped me was because I never wanted to do anything intimate with him because I found him unattractive. Yes, it was a fabulous relationship indeed. That month we spent together was just magical. Anyway, back to this stupid movie. Tracy tells Felicity that she and Bardo are just going "as friends," since his date also "blew him off." "How stupid was she?" Felicity says. Oh, silly Felicity -- they meant you! Also, why are Bardo and Felicity still dating when Felicity is doing RevCam?

RevCam knocks on a door. Jeff answers. RevCam asks him if Felicity is there. Suspenseful synthesized drums play, just like they do in "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.

Felicity calls someone on her hot car phone, begging that no one answers it. That doesn't make any sense.

She enters RevCam's house and calls for him. He doesn't answer. She runs into his office and turns on the computer, then gets ready to do some serious modeming. She doesn't have much luck searching RevCam's computer, probably because all she does is run the cursor over the menu bar a few times and repeatedly push keys that make the error sound. Eventually, RevCam sneaks up behind her and tells her that she smells good. Then he gets her into his "Cheater's File" and asks her if that's what she was looking for. "You killed her!" Felicity says. "Well, of course I did," says RevCam. Congratulations, Felicity! You just signed your own death certificate! RevCam grabs Felicity and throws her on his desk. Then he flips her over and reaches up her skirt. Oh, god. Idon't think I'm strong enough for this. It looks like this is the end of my recapping career. Oh, it turns out that RevCam was just trying to get Felicity's pantyhose off so he could tie her hands behind her back with them. Phew! I can throw out my resignation letter to Sars. He tells Felicity, who's spent this whole time crying and whining instead of trying to escape, that she was the best babysitter he ever had, and it's going to be tough to replace her. He walks her out of the office and tosses her into the elevator. She lands on her knees. "That's gotta hurt, huh?" RevCam says, then closes the elevator screen. Hey, RevCam's kind of cool when he's being all evil and not having sex scenes with a nineteen-year-old. He lowers the elevator to between the first and second floor and tells her not to bother pressing any of the buttons -- they don't work. That's quite a design flaw. Then he goes downstairs.

Clair's beach house may be in flames, but her eleventh costume change has survived intact. Firefighters tend to her, and she's doing very well, considering the fact that her house blew up around her. Frank helps her up.

RevCam's in the kitchen. He takes a knife out of well-populated knife block (seriously. The knife block has about thirty knives in it. Who, besides Professional Chef Keckler, needs that many knives?), puts it back, then selects another knife from the block. I guess the other one wasn't pointy enough?

Felicity struggles half-heartedly in the elevator.

RevCam starts trashing his house as he talks to an imaginary Frank about how he was right, and Felicity really was totally crazy and tried to kill him. He starts slashing at the wallpaper to make the scene look convincing, but frankly, I think he's going a little too far. A knocked-over vase? Sure, I'll buy that. Several knife marks in the wall? I'm doubtful.

RevCam keeps yelling to himself about how Felicity is just like Amy Fischer (a surprising reference to a semi-current event! I'm shocked!) as Felicity finds a door on the ceiling of the elevator. She tries to climb through it, but falls over.

RevCam's stabbing the couch now, telling the air how he had to stab Felicity in self-defense. In the elevator, Felicity is making a second brave effort to climb out of her prison. This time, it works. Felicity can thank her giant mane of hair for that -- it gave her the extra height she needed to prop the trapdoor open.

RevCam is still stabbing at the couch. Chill, Rev. No one is going to believe that Felicity tried to stab you, but missed and hit the couch, but didn't realize that until after she stabbed it fifty times. Felicity continues to worm her way out of the elevator.

Couch slaughter finished, RevCam runs to the kitchen and calls Frank's car phone. Good thing he knew Frank was in his car and not, like, anywhere else. RevCam tells Frank that he just got in and found Felicity trashing his house. Frank tells RevCam he's on his way, except that it's totally obvious that that line was dubbed in during post-production.

Frank turns to Clair, who's getting cheek blood all over his leather interior, and tells her that RevCam has Felicity, and he's going to call for back-up. Clair does not respond. In fact, I think she's dead. Cheek injuries can be serious.

RevCam slices a long, straight gouge into his forearm, which you'd never see on a real stabbing victim, since they tend to try to move their arms out of the way, making the wound jagged. Plus, it's really hard to get inadvertently stabbed in the inside of your forearm. Think about it: you'd have to hold your arm out and twist it so that the inside was facing the knife. RevCam should have stuck with unregistered guns for murder weapons; he doesn't know what he's doing when it comes to knives and light bulbs. Felicity runs through the house, her hands still tied behind her back. RevCam comes upstairs, clutching his bleeding arm, and screams, "Felicity, look what YOUDIDTOME!" He waits for a response to his dramatic performance, but there is none. RevCam runs to the elevator, sees that Felicity has escaped, and starts screaming some more.

Felicity hides in Sally's closet. Unfortunately, her big hair works against her here, as a strand of it grabs a hanger and flings it to the ground. RevCam hears the clatter and moves to the bedroom. Felicity picks the hanger up and uses it to untie her hands. I don't know exactly why or how that worked, but whatever.

Outside the bedroom, RevCam takes a few deep whiffs of the air, then smiles. Oh, gross.

Felicity continues to struggle with the hanger. RevCam enters the closet and kindly asks her to step forward so he can murder her before Frank arrives. Felicity does step forward, but then whips out the hanger and scratches RevCam across the face with it. He's all stunned and his cheek is gushing blood. Damn, I never knew hangers were so vicious. Also, I guess I should apologize to Felicity's hair for trying to sabotage her escape, as it seems to have ultimately helped her.

Felicity runs around the house, making scared gasping noises. She gets to the front door, but it won't open. From the second floor, RevCam laughs and tells Felicity that they are locked in. What a strange house -- first they have an elevator whose buttons don't work, and now they have door that lock from the outside. Wait a minute -- if all the doors lock from the outside, then how did RevCam get in the house? Dammit, I'm going to be trying to figure that out all night. I hate this movie. ["And can I askwhere are the kids? Don't theylive there? Oh, forget it." -- Sars]

Felicity runs to a phone a calls 911. Before they can answer, RevCam screams her name, and she panics and runs away. She finds a stairway in the kitchen -- this house is, like, ninety percent stairway -- and runs up it. RevCam comes into the kitchen and grabs the phone. He tells the operator that one of his kids just tried to make a prank call -- sorry! Operator Dumbface gives him a brief lecture on how to use emergency lines, then hangs up. Meanwhile, how does RevCam think he's going to explain away the fact that, while Felicity was supposedly trying to kill him, a 911 call was made from his house, and the transcript of the call has him calmly telling the operator that his kid dialed it? People just don't know how to plan murders these days.

Felicity ducks behind a banister just as RevCam looks up the stairs. He doesn't see her, and leaves. Felicity immediately gets up and knocks over a doll, which begins to say "mama, mama" in a very symbolic fashion. RevCam comes back and runs up the stairs to get Felicity. She dumps a box of toys on him, but it doesn't have nearly the effect on him that the hanger did. He jumps over the banister -- Action RevCam! -- and continues to chase her. He is momentarily distracted from his pursuit when Felicity throws a nice wicker chair at him, giving her the time to jump out the window and onto a ledge. RevCam goes out after her, then starts teasing her because she has nowhere to go. She's, like, four stories off the ground (even though we only saw her climb up one floor), and the only way back into the house is through him. But wait! There's a pool directly underneath the ledge! Well, actually, the whirlpool to the pool is directly underneath her, but let's not quibble. Felicity does the crappiest dive ever and lands in the pool on her back. I thought she was supposed to be a good swimmer. She surfaces in her trademark Dead Man's Float. RevCam turns around and goes back in the house. Wow, his cheek is still bleeding from that hanger injury.