As a fan of the TV movies A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story, and its less-popular and less-exciting sequel, Her Final Fury: Betty Broderick, the Last Chapter, you can bet I was excited as all hell for Stephen Collins and Meredith Baxter's first project together after the movies. In fact, I would say this is the most excited I've ever been for a 7th Heaven episode since the one where RevCam got shot.
The show opens with that much-used shot of students pouring out of Glenoak's high school. Inside, Meredith Baxter is telling RevCam that all of his older kids are done with high school, and it will be another year before Ruthie arrives (poor Meredith Baxter has no idea what horrors await her), so she doesn't understand why he's "involved in [her] business." RevCam eventually manages to stammer out that, while he's used to dealing with the "vice-principal" (also known as "Principal Russell" in every episode we've ever seen her in. Either she got demoted, or this show still hasn't mastered the art of consistency), his neighbors asked him to "intervene" on their behalf in a matter involving their daughter. His neighbors? Is it safe to assume, then, that they hate Muslims and French people? Anyway, the neighbors really, really want their older son to be allowed on school grounds while he waits to pick their daughter up from school. Meredith Baxter nods curtly, then says, "You'd like me to change the school policy to better suit their daughter?…I don't think so!" Wow, Meredith Baxter is kind of cool. She continues, "So, is there anybody else who's unhappy that you'd like to make happy? Perhaps I could help you bring about justice for some other student?" That settles it: she's awesome. RevCam just sits there with his mouth hanging open and his eyes tearing up, then manages to say, "Principal Jones, I don't mean any offense, but you've hardly allowed me speak --" Principal Jones interrupts: "I don't mean any offense, either, Reverend Camden, but -- I'm a very busy woman." The rule about non-students not being allowed to park in the school parking lot is a district-wide one that she isn't going to break, no matter how many times the Millers ask her to or send their annoying busybody neighbor to do same. RevCam lamely whines, "But…rules were made to be broken, are they not?" Principal Jones fires back in terms RevCam can understand: "What about the Ten Commandments? Are they meant to be broken? What about the Golden Rule?" Then she grabs a manila folder and excuses herself to go teach a class or whatever. RevCam remains seated and thinks about how he just got dominated. Then he tries to remember what the "Ten Commandments" are.
In the school hallway, Principal Jones feels up Martin's chest and mouths the word "rutabaga" until RevCam appears on the scene so the camera focus can, of course, switch to him. RevCam stares at Martin and Principal Jones, looking just a little bit jealous of the connection she's formed with him. He waits until she leaves, then rushes up to Martin, who begins to espouse the greatness that is Principal Jones: her refusal to deviate from the rules means that everyone is treated fairly, and Martin thinks that's great. "Bottom line," Martin says, "this is the highest-rated school academically in the whole district, and I don't feel like I'm going to get stabbed by another student every time I go around the corner." RevCam nods, probably thinking about the time when one of Simon's non-violent and academically-motivated classmates shot Eric in the shoulder, or the time another one of Simon's classmates brought a gun to school with the expressed intent of shooting everyone. The bell rings, and Martin excuses himself, but not before RevCam can invite him over for dinner. Suddenly, some girl walks up to RevCam and starts talking to him. Oh, that's sad. She must not have any other friends. She assumes that he's at the school because Martin and Principal Jones are "a little too close, if you know what [she] mean[s]." I don't, because I totally thought she was saying that they were gettin' it on, but she really meant that Martin is a spy sent by Principal Jones to get information on her enemies. RevCam thinks about this as the scene fades to credits.
Opening credits. 7th Heaven is brought to you by Motrin IB. Thanks, Motrin, but I usually require stronger drugs than that to watch this show.
The Opening Credits Timewaster is introduced to us by an out-of-control jazzy piano solo. Martin vigorously polishes the kitchen table, then takes the dishes off of it and puts them in the sink. Who puts Pledge on their table before they've cleared it off? Martin does. RevCam looks on and thinks about how Asslee never does anything like this when she has dinner over. As Martin starts to polish the faucet, RevCam tells him to relax. Martin says all the cleaning is a product of his "military training," prompting RevCam to ask about Mr. Martin. "He's in Iraq," Martin says, clearing up any confusion for people who might not have watched his first episode where he explained all of this, while seeming like a repetitive idiot to anyone who has. RevCam asks Martin a few questions about where he's been all day, because that's how RevCam treats the people he really loves.
In the attic, Asslee and Ruthie discuss those stupid rumors about Martin. Um, doesn't Ruthie go to an entirely different school than Asslee and Martin? Wasn't that established not five minutes ago in this very episode? Are we supposed to believe that the gossip about Martin is so juicy that it has reached the middle school? Of course, Martin comes upstairs and listens in on their conversation. When he hears that Asslee suspects that the rumors are true, he looks irritated and goes back downstairs, where RevCam's warm and loving arms are waiting for him. Asslee tells Ruthie not to tell anyone what she "confided" in her. Last week, Ruthie hated Asslee, but now they're confiding in each other. How consistent. Ew, and what's up with Asslee's hair? It looks like a doll's hair. A doll who needs to buy herself a Split-Ender™.
Lucy talks smack about what a "witch" Principal Jones is while Kevin tries to hang his "American Gothic"-style wedding portrait. I don't see how she has any basis for comparison here, seeing as it was an entirely different principal who suspended her from school five seasons ago, but I guess we're not supposed to remember that. Despite the fact that the Millers live down the street from them, and that the Camdens were championing the cause of getting to know one's neighbors better a few episodes ago, Lucy doesn't know them very well and Kevin doesn't know them at all. He is, however, well-acquainted with those district-wide school parking lot regulations, and doesn't think that Principal Jones's enforcement of them qualifies her as a "witch." Lucy makes a series of funny faces.
Annie finishes reading "the story of Mushkill Goosha" to the twins. I have no idea what that is. Maybe she was supposed to say "Little Women," but got plastered before shooting. SamVid provides us with an insightful critical analysis: "I liked it. It was very good. But I feel bad for the daddy when he took the daughter away from him. Yeah, he didn't do anything wrong. Neither did she. She didn't stole the neck-a-lace." Annie explains that, once everyone found that out, they all liked the man and his daughter and "their lives were never difficult again." Yes, Annie, being popular really does make all of one's problems go away. Just ask Marilyn Monroe or Kurt Cobain about that. RevCam walks in the room, prompting the twins to jump off the bed, glom onto him, and attempt to suck the energy out of each of his legs. Now fully charged with life-force, they sprint out of the room to work on their plan for world domination. RevCam asks Annie if she wants to hear the latest gossip. She says she doesn't. He keeps trying to sell it to her, saying it involves Martin and "Mizzz" Jones, who is, in case you didn't know after hearing her described as such over a hundred times by now, the principal of the high school. Annie still doesn't want any part of it. RevCam is rendered speechless by his wife's refusal to butt into someone else's business. "Are you feeling okay, Annie?" he asks, pressing his wrist to her forehead. "Hmmm…you do seem a bit warm. I'm going to call Dr. Shannon, who is our family doctor of medicine. Doctor Shannon."
Asslee and Martin discuss slowing down their relationship on the Camdens' back porch. It's true; they were almost thinking about holding hands, and that is moving a little too fast. Kevin walks up and asks what they think of "the principal [of their high school], 'Mizzz' Jones?" Could they ram home the fact that, because she's a career woman, Principal Jones does not have a husband and thus must always be referred to as "Mizzz" any more? Martin loves Mizzz Jones, while Asslee thinks she's a "witch." Oh, just call her a bitch already! It's ridiculous that everyone in town refers to Mizzz as a witch unless, of course, it's later revealed that she practices the Wiccan religion. Then it would be appropriate. Asslee gets all mad at Martin for saying he likes someone he doesn't even know, to which Martin asks if anyone wants to know why he likes her. No one answers, but he goes ahead and tells us anyway. Mizzz Jones has gone out of her way to help him accommodate to his new school, and get "the nicest teachers." Well, that's just great of her, to tell a student which of her teachers is "nice" or not. It's probably a real morale booster for the teachers who are considered mean, too. Martin gets up and walks away while he's in mid-sentence, leaving Asslee to wonder "who died and made him the president of Mizzz Jones's fan club?" I don't know, Asslee -- who died and made you the worst actress on this show? Because last time I checked, Yasmin was still breathing. Asslee and her ginormous hoop earrings walk away.
RevCam eyes a lone slice of pumpkin pie in the fridge. As he takes it out, Kevin enters, startling RevCam and making him throw the pie back in the refrigerator. He springs up from behind the refrigerator door, sees Kevin, and says, "Oh! It's just you," then chuckles to himself. Huh? Who did he think would be walking in his back door at night and not wanting him to eat pie? Kevin claims to have just had an "interesting" conversation with Asslee and Martin about "the principal [RevCam] met today, Mizzz Jones," although I just saw this conversation and so can attest to its complete and utter lack of interest to anyone. The phone rings, and RevCam runs to answer it while Kevin takes the slice of pie out of the fridge and begins to devour it. RevCam has one of those one-sided phone conversations where the person at the other end conveys massive amounts of information in all of two seconds, then hangs up on the caller without saying goodbye. Kevin observes, then asks, "How come no one in this family says goodbye? They just finish their conversation and hang up. Even I've started doing it. People outside the family think I'm nuts." RevCam says it's a bad habit. So is reading internet forums about the show you write for, and then incorporating other people's ideas into your script, BRENDA. Although I'll admit that that was pretty funny. After asking Kevin for a piece of pie and getting an empty plate in return (and anyone who didn't see those yuks coming must be legally blind. Or stupid. Or both), RevCam explains that he just got a call from "the kid who helped Simon get into college early, the Harvard bum -- I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?" Me-ow, RevCam. Apparently, quite a few parents are angry with Mizzz Jones and are trying to have a school board meeting about it. They invited RevCam to act as a "moral compass." I snicker. Kevin asks RevCam if he's ever stopped a lynching before. RevCam says he has, "on occasion." I guess I missed that episode.
At school, Martin walks right by Asslee without acknowledging her. Ha! Some girl walks up and starts telling Asslee about how Martin is a loser, and Mizzz Jones just brought him in to help the baseball team win the state championship, and how he's older than he says he is. Pot? Meet kettle -- the actress playing that girl has got to be in her thirties at least. Asslee does some indignant head-wiggling as she explains that she's seen Martin's license, and he's definitely sixteen, and the reason why he came to their school is because his dad is in Iraq. "Love is blind, and apparently also deaf," responds the other girl, who assumes that Martin's license is a fake and his story about his dad is, too. Okay, but…how does that make love deaf? Unless she's talking about how Martin would have to be deaf to be able to deal with Asslee's hissy, raspy, squeaky voice.
Peter and Ruthie enter the kitchen, where Annie and the twins are hanging out. Annie is way too excited about the fruit salad she's making, and offers some to Ruthie and Peter. When Peter accepts, she doles some out for him using her hands. That's a great way to spread salmonella, so you won't catch me complaining. An episode devoted to the Camdens all having salmonella but only one bathroom between them would be more than welcome. Annie asks Ruthie and Peter if they can keep the twins busy while she makes dinner. Since Ruthie said she wanted more responsibility around the house, including taking care of her brothers, she stays silent until Peter volunteers to play Candyland with them. Way to stay consistent, there, Ruthie. SamVid ask if they can have candy instead of fruit, because they prefer the sanitary, individually wrapped candy to the fruit 'n' Annie's hand germs salad. Crisis is averted when Peter claims to loves fruit, and the easily-swayed twins change their minds and decide that they love it, too. They don't eat any, though, before they go upstairs with Peter, who smirks self-satisfiedly at his own ability to tell four-year-olds what their opinions are. Ruthie takes advantage of her alone time with Annie to discuss her pitiful subplot with Asslee and Martin. Ruthie thinks that when she told Asslee she thought Asslee might believe the rumors about Martin, she hurt Asslee's feelings. SuperMom offers words of praise, but nothing in terms of advice, which was what Ruthie wanted. Ruthie makes another attempt to get help from her mother by saying that once you say something to someone, you can't un-say it. "Again, good for you," says Annie, "hard lesson to learn, really it is." I guess you have to be that encouraging when your daughter shows signs of having consideration for the feelings of others after thirteen years of being a sociopath, but you'd think Annie would at least offer a "you should call Asslee and apologize" or something.
A COPS-style action shot taken from inside a moving police car introduces us to the scene. All pretenses of excitement disintegrate immediately, however, when it is revealed that we're in Kevin and Roxanne's car, and they're racing to the school parking lot, where we see Mizzz Jones talking to some guy in a convertible. If this was COPS, Mizzz would be a transvestite prostitute, and the guy in the car would be an undercover officer. And Kevin and Roxanne would be two middle-aged, mustachioed police officers. And all kinds of cool stuff would happen. Instead, Kevin emerges from the car and asks what's going on. Mizzz says that everything is fine. It is? Then why did she call the police? I like Mizzz and all, but she's a little weird sometimes. Mizzz says she was just telling this guy that he can't park in the school lot while waiting to pick up his sister. Oh, this must be the big issue about people parking on school grounds that RevCam was trying to talk to Mizzz about. The guy, who you may recognize as a guest star on a far better show, asks Kevin if he's breaking a law by being here. "Maybe," responds Kevin. The officers on COPS would have known the answer. I'm just saying. Kevin starts to write the guy, Griffith, a ticket, but Mizzz Jones says that's not necessary. Griffith agrees to leave. He backs out, narrowly missing Roxanne (damn!), and drives away. Kevin introduces himself to Mizzz as RevCam's son-in-law. Now irritated, Mizzz brusquely thanks him for his help and leaves. Roxanne and Kevin enter the car, where Roxanne stares intently at her left hand for a while. Either she's learning how to count to five, or she wrote Griffith's plate number down on it and is running a check on it. Kevin is confused as to what this will accomplish, because he's kind of stupid. Roxanne says that "people who don't like rules don't just break one rule," so she's sure Griffith's been in trouble more than once.
In what appears to be RevCam's church office, a small crowd of parents detail their problems with Mizzz. One dad says his son has a speech impediment, and so should not have to take Spanish. The guidance counselor agrees, but Mizzz is making him try the class for a month before she'll agree to let him out of it. Now the kid is in detention all the time because he skips the class. The guy points a lot. Another woman is upset because her daughter is hypoglycemic, and so she has to leave school for lunch everyday. Mizzz won't let her. I don't know a whole lot about hypoglycemia, but I'm pretty sure one doesn't need to leave school every day to treat it. Another lady with bizarre smeared eye make-up on says that her daughter is friends with the hypoglycemic, and can use her car to drive the hypoglycemic home during lunch, but Mizzz said no to that, too. Well, duh. If Mizzz isn't going to let a sick girl leave campus, she's not going to let a healthy girl drive her off of it. Another guy, who fans of Sports Night and The West Wing might recognize as Chris or Mark, respectively, says something about Martin being a spy, and I can't believe this show is still trying to convince us that plot is at all interesting. Brenda Baxworth says that Mizzz gets her hair cut at the barbershop, and women should get their hair cut at the salon, so she's not setting a good example. RevCam just looks at her like, "Whoa, she goes to a barbershop? I'm impressed! In my family, we just stick our heads in the weed-whacker once a month and pray for the best!"
Asslee stops Martin on the sidewalk and asks to talk to him. I don't even care what they say, because Mizzz has more charisma in her pinky fingernail than both of them combined. After Martin leaves, Ruthie runs up, and she and Asslee hug for no reason.
Mizzz is on the phone with RevCam, adamantly refusing his invitation for a chat. I didn't think I could like her any more than I already did, and then she had to go and do something like that. RevCam has convinced himself that, without his intervention, the parents could get Mizzz fired. Mizzz says she knows exactly which parents met with RevCam and why, and then dismisses all of their claims. The speech impediment boy would enjoy the Spanish class she's forcing him to attend because its teacher has a learning disability. I'm sure the teacher is psyched that you shared that information so freely, Mizzz. I mean, I love Mizzz and all, but I think she went a little too far there. The hypoglycemic girl and her friend only want to leave during lunch to "meet boys." That reminds me of a friend of mine who was epileptic, and would always fake seizures during our boring biology class so she could go to the nurse. And then her friends would all have to go with her in case she had another seizure on her way there. Except that we wouldn't go to the nurse, but to Taco Bell. Because nothing cures fake seizures quite like Nachos Bell Grande. RevCam says that he just wants to help her. Mizzz snaps that she's too busy worrying about her students to care about herself. RevCam uses his ability to read ahead in the script to deduce that Mizzz is especially worried about Alice Miller and her creepy stalker brother. Mizzz asks him to "stay out of it." Yeah, sure. He'll listen. Eric points out that she can't help Alice if she gets fired. "I am not victim, okay? And I don't need rescuing. Thanks anyway," Mizzz says, then hangs up on the Revster. I know I said last week that seeing Asslee hang up on Annie was the best thing I've ever seen on this show, but I think it just got replaced with Mizzz telling RevCam to stop trying to get all up in her business, and then hanging up on him. Suddenly, Gracie from The Nanny rushes in and says that her brother isn't waiting for her outside, so they can talk. The plot thickens!
And it appears to be a The Nanny mini-reunion, as Fran Drescher is now on my television screen pitching for Old Navy, the brand of clothing that never quite fits right, no matter what you try on or what size it is. Ooo, I hope Grandma Yetta will stop by. That would be so awes-- holy crap, is that Li'l Kim? Pitching for Old Navy? I thought she had "expensive taste"?
Mizzz and Gracie stand outside of what is revealed, in an extremely brief establishing shot, to be the "University Medical Center." I had to pause the tape to be able to actually read the sign, which was pretty small, located in the far left of the screen, and shown for less than a second. So I can understand why a lot of the people in the forums were confused as to where Mizzz and Gracie were supposed to be in this scene. Actually, I'm still confused; why didn't they go to Glenoak Memorial Hospital? As a large woman with dreadlocks stands in between them and serves no apparent purpose, Mizzz tells Gracie that what happened to her was not her fault, and no one has the right to do what "he" did to her, and she's glad that Gracie trusted her with the information. Oh, no! We're going to have to see Brenda handle a subject as sensitive as sexual abuse (I'm guessing that the "he" is the creepy brother, and what he did was, well, sexual abuse)? And then I'm going to have to recap it? No good will come of this. Gracie says she's glad Mizzz believed her, but Mizzz isn't listening to her anymore, as she has just spotted Lucy, who appears to be trying to ditch some guy. Ah, that's why we're at the "University Medical Center." So that Lucy can have something to do in this episode. Mizzz runs up to her and asks her to not tell anyone that she saw her here. Lucy says that she'll need more information as to why, but all Mizzz can tell her is that it could possibly save a young girl's life. That would have been enough for me, but not for Lucy. She says she still needs more information. Mizzz rolls her eyes, but she wouldn't even be in this situation if she hadn't run up to Lucy and called all that attention to herself, would she?
At the Glenoak PD, Kevin tells a smarmy Griffith that he has thirty-five outstanding parking tickets and two moving violations. Det. Michaels pulls Kevin aside and tells him that Griffith's dad is a major contributor to the police chief's campaign. Did they just acknowledge that the Glenoak PD is corrupt and takes bribes? I'd like to extend another warm welcome to Brenda, and encourage her to check out the "Letters to Brenda Hampton" thread in the forums, where she'll find many helpful suggestions about how the show could be improved. Roxanne trots up and says that Gracie is missing, and her dad is holding the Glenoak PD responsible, since their detaining of Griffith meant that he couldn't perform his self-appointed role of Watcher of the Parking Lot. Mr. Miller is currently with his best friend, The Chief, trying to set up an Amber Alert. The prime suspect is Mizzz Jones. Hey, do you think they've put out an Amber Alert for Robbie yet?
RevCam lies on the couch with a cold washcloth on his head while Ruthie nags at him to attend a school board meeting about Mizzz tomorrow. I think the cause and effect relationship of Ruthie and RevCam's headache is fairly obvious here. Annie walks in sporting a pair of ugly-ass jeans with a flower bouquet embroidered in beads on one of the legs, and nags at RevCam to talk to Mizzz. He says that he would, but she doesn't want to see him. Annie asks him when that ever stopped him before. "You know me so well!" RevCam says. Can't his family just leave him alone until he feels better? Jeez.
Asslee walks right on into the CamKitchen like she owns it and tells Annie that she has to talk to her about Martin and how he's mad at her. Does anyone care about this subplot when we could be hearing about Mizzz and all the cool stuff she's doing? I didn't think so.
RevCam gets out of his car, which he parked in the school parking lot. I guess they put an addendum onto that district-wide regulation that gave RevCam immunity. Det. Michaels is there, as is Mr. Miller, who informs Eric that his daughter has been kidnapped by her principal, and it's all Kevin's fault. Then he gets real close to RevCam and tells him that Gracie is "not well." "Your daughter, Gracie, isn't well?" RevCam repeats. It's hard to hear what other people are saying when you're concentrating so intently on the speech coming out of your own ass, you know. Mr. Miller explains that Gracie got an early acceptance to a school "back east" with a basketball scholarship (man, colleges are just giving early acceptances away these days), but he and her mother didn't think she was ready to go to college, so they made her turn it down. She's been angry at them ever since, and threatening to run away. So Mr. Miller had his son watch over her when he and his wife couldn't. Mr. Miller says that Gracie would do "anything" to get away from her family, including "making up stuff" about them. Oooh, a twist has been thrown into this storyline! I don't know who I should believe -- Mr. Miller or Gracie. Oh wait, I totally know I shouldn't believe Mr. Miller because I possess a modicum of intelligence. But nice try, Brenda. Mr. Miller walks away from RevCam and up to Det. Michaels, where he informs him that he suspects that RevCam knows something about Gracie that he isn't saying. Ha! RevCam doesn't know anything! He's been completely out of the loop this whole episode! I love it! Det. Michaels and RevCam take a knee and share their thoughts on the situation. RevCam senses that Mr. Miller is lying. Who does he think he is, Deanna Troi?
Lucy is surprised to see Kevin home from work early. He explains that he and Roxanne got "dismissed" for the day, and that Lucy may have been right about Mizzz after all. Lucy keeps trying to say that she was wrong about her, but Kevin won't listen because he's too busy accusing her of deliberately not telling him about how the Millers give mad cash to the police chief. Lucy says, again, that she was wrong about Mizzz Jones, although this time she adds that she has her stashed away in the Treehouse of Lurv. Kevin is none too thrilled that Lucy is keeping a fugitive in their apartment, being that he IS "the police," and asks what's going on. Lucy says she doesn't know much, just that Gracie is in the custody of Child Protection Services. Happy either can't believe that this is happening, or is begging someone to feed her because she hasn't eaten since the block party.
Chandler makes his first and last appearance of the episode as he sits down with Brenda Baxworth. I didn't even notice that he was missing this whole time; perhaps this means that his character is extraneous and unnecessary? Something to think about, Brenda (Hampton, not Baxworth. I mean, she can think about it too, but I was talking to Brenda. Hampton.). Brenda Baxworth explains that Mr. Miller paid her and the rest of the parents to complain about Mizzz. She says she needed to money because her son doesn't have a "decent" pair of shoes. The only thing Brenda Baxworth could think of to complain about was the fact that Mizzz gets her hair cut at a barbershop, although that's only because it's run by a former student she's trying to help out. Thanks for explaining the real reasons behind Mizzz's choice of hairdresser. Her barbershop patronage was really starting to affect my liking of her character, so clearing it all up was important. Brenda Baxworth actually likes Mizzz, and wants to make sure that's on record in case she has to testify in court now that Mizzz has committed a felony. Chandler whips out the hundred-dollar bill he keeps on hand "for emergencies" and gives it to Brenda Baxworth, thanking her for setting the record straight. Brenda Baxworth admits that her son doesn't need new shoes after all; she was just lying to get money because she's greedy. Chandler takes the money back, saying that he knew she was lying about the shoes all along, as people who tell one lie will often tell another. And people who will eat one slice of pizza will often eat the entire pizza, won't they, Chandler?
Back at the parking lot, Det. Michaels tells Mr. Miller that he hopes Mizzz and Gracie show up, and this all turns out to be a mistake. "It's not a mistake!" says that big lady with the dreadlocks, who has arrived on the scene with two police officers. She's from Child Protection Services, and she wants to have him arrested. Whoops! I guess it wasn't the brother after all. My bad. Mr. Miller asks RevCam to help him. "I think only God…can help you now," RevCam responds, dragging it out for maximum dramatic impact. But how exactly did he know that Mr. Miller was molesting his daughter? Actually, don't answer that question, thanks. Griffith runs up and says that whatever Mr. Miller did to Gracie, he did to him too, and the reason why Griffith was outside the house in his car was because he didn't want to be in the house where his dad could get him. He picked Gracie up from school all the time because he wanted to keep her away from her father, so that what happened to him wouldn't happen to her. So Griffith turns out to be a protective big brother. Who's kind of creepy-looking. And didn't consider that, with him out of the house at night, his father might move on to Gracie. Oh well. Griffith says he wants to kill Mr. Miller, but seeing him get arrested is even better. I don't think it's better. If it were me, I'd want him dead, but enough of that seriousness. The CPS lady gives Griffith a hug while RevCam looks around and thinks about how what may have been the best scene ever done on this show did not involve any of its regular cast members.
It's nighttime at…some place. RevCam and Griffith are waiting in a hallway. Griffith remarks that "they" have been "in there" for a long time, and he's starting to lose his nerve. "It's embarrassing. Humiliating, even," he says. Declares, even. RevCam tells Griffith that there's no reason for him to be ashamed, and he will help Griffith get help from someone who "specializes in sexual abuse." It's nice that they actually said what was going on. I was afraid they were going to avoid saying what actually happened for the entire episode, or that, even worse, they would make up some sanitized, non-offensive euphemism for it like they did with sex and "adult relations." Griffith is afraid that his dad will be cleared of all charges, but RevCam says he doesn't think anyone will be very "sympathetic" to him. I didn't think that's how our system of justice works, RevCam. When you think about it, Griffith's worry that his dad will be acquitted is a valid one, considering that the bulk of the evidence in the case is his children's words against his. RevCam tells Griffith that he didn't do anything wrong over and over again. Why is RevCam even there, anyway?
Gracie, the CPS lady, and some other woman are having a meeting. Unknown woman, who is revealed to be Mrs. Miller, says she "doesn't know" if she can go through with everything. CPS lady uses RevCam's patented brand of ESP-by-way-of-reading-ahead-in-the-script to know that Mrs. Miller was also sexually abused when she was a child. Mrs. Miller says that her father did, in fact, abuse her. Oh, that's great. Mrs. Miller thought being sexually abused was so awesome that she let it happen to her children, too. Ugh. CPS lady explains how the upcoming proceedings against Mr. Miller will go: Mrs. Miller will probably be ordered not to have any contact with her husband (why?), or her children, or her alcohol. Because she's an alcoholic, by the way. Didn't you know? I guess you should have read ahead in the script to understand what was going on, like everyone else apparently did. Gracie asks where she's going tonight, hoping it's not with her horrible mother. CPS lady says she can either live with a relative or a foster family RevCam found. And yeah, I guess it's pretty weird that the CPS doesn't have foster homes already lined up, but, after recently seeing the foster homes some of those kids end up in, maybe it's better that they use RevCam's references. Then again, those foster parents in New Jersey who allegedly starved their four male charges were regular church-goers, and their pastor came out in total support of them on 60 Minutes, so I don't know. But let's not confuse one horrible topic with another. This show is about sexual abuse, not bad foster homes.
Gracie says she doesn't think she has any relatives left who won't molest her, now that she knows her maternal as well as paternal sides are child molesters. She'll take the foster home, figuring that nothing that happens there could be any worse than what happened in her family home. Good luck, Gracie. I hope you're right. Gracie adds that she blames her mother almost as much as her father, because her mother never did anything to stop him; she just drank all the time so she could pretend nothing was happening. Gracie tells her mother that she hates her, at which point Mrs. Miller scrunches up her face and starts shaking. Aw, I know I'm supposed to hate Mrs. Miller for letting her kids get molested, but I totally felt bad for her here. She looks a lot more pitiful and helpless than she does evil. Mrs. Miller asks Gracie to live with her brother; Gracie says she can't do that until she knows her father will stay in jail. I don't quite get the logic, but I'm not going to question it, because Mrs. Miller makes me feel like crying. How embarrassing. Stupid 7th Heaven and its emotional manipulation.
In the hallway, Mizzz walks up and apologizes to RevCam for being "short" with him yesterday; she was waiting for Gracie to tell her what was wrong and she was afraid that RevCam would interfere with that. She knows people don't like her, but everyone knows they can trust her. RevCam says he respects and admires her for that. Note that he didn't say that he liked her. Also note that Mizzz does not say that she respects and admires RevCam, just that she knows that his job isn't "a walk in the park either." "Oh, but it is!" RevCam says. "Just last year the church gave me, like, unlimited time off when I decided that I didn't like God anymore. And check out this mansion I get to live in! Seventeen bedrooms and an unfinished garage apartment!" Mrs. Miller comes out of the meeting room and asks Griffith if he's coming home. He says he isn't if Gracie isn't. "But you don't have any place else to go," Mrs. Miller says. Griffith says that RevCam found him a place to live, and will help him get a job. He says he'll see his mother in court. She walks away. Mrs. Miller broke my cold, black heart, y'all. Alice and CPS lady come out of the room. Griffith hugs his sister and apologizes for letting this happen to her. Gracie says that Griffith isn't responsible for any of this; she knew what her father was doing to him all along, but didn't say anything "until he started to do it to [her]. Then [she] just couldn't stand it." And there goes about ninety-five percent of whatever sympathy I had for her. Great job, writers. Gracie has decided that what happened to her will not ruin her life; nothing in her future can ever be as bad as her past, and she's going to finish school, play basketball, and go to college. And because we have to somehow tie this storyline in to the Martin/Asslee snorefest, she says she'll do it all no matter what her classmates may say. I'm glad Gracie's feeling better and everything, but…wow. Her emotional recovery was faster than mine after watching Mrs. Miller. Gracie turns to RevCam, because he needs to have something to do in this scene, and tells him not to let anything happen to Mizzz because she needs her. Whatever; Mizzz can take care of herself, thank you very much. "We all do," says RevCam, "because there are other houses and other families just like yours." Um…that should make Gracie feel loads better?
And now, because I'm not a completely terrible and insensitive person: if you need help or information, call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD or go to www.childhelpusa.org. And now, because I am at least partially a terrible and insensitive person: don't be like the Camdens and let sexual abuse happen to your neighbors while you muck about with the one person who can help them, okay?