The show begins with its traditional shot of the CamPound and some rollicking up-tempo muzak. In the kitchen, RevCam presents SamVid with what appears to be burnt toast, and tells them that Annie is visiting her father for the two days. You mean she's going to be gone for the entire episode? That I won't have to pause my 7th Heaven tape to write something down, only to see that I've managed to stop at the absolute height of an Annie Clownface so now there's a frozen exaggerated grimace staring at me while I write? And best of all, no Opening Credits Timewaster devoted to watching Annie perform her morning chores with considerably less than aplomb? Joy! Eric tells the twins that they'll be spending the two days with Daddy, and even going to work with him. SamVid is not very pleased to hear this.
The phone rings. It's Annie, calling from her father's blandly decorated home. Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! She is going to be in this episode after all. She speaks to her husband for all of two seconds, then demands to speak to the twins, which is surprising when you consider the fact that they're barely capable of speech. RevCam is reluctant to let her talk to the kids, so they shout a worried "Mommmmeeeee!" in unison. It's actually the best acting they've ever done, leading me to wonder if Brenda Hampton was horrifically murdering their real mother nearby to produce the intended reaction. Annie icily asks RevCam to give them the phone, and this time he does. "Come hoooommme," says the bigger twin. Smaller twin follows this up with a "nooooow." Kill meeeeeee. Noooooowww. Annie says that she'll be back soon, but in the meantime, SamVid and Daddy are going to have "a LOT of FUN!" Smaller twin says that the twins "don't like Daddeeee in the daytiiiimmmee." "We don't want hiiiiimmmmmmmm," says his brother. RevCam doesn't respond by bursting into tears or walking out of the kitchen in a self-righteous huff while screaming, "No one appreciates me!" Instead, he pathetically tries to convince his own children that he's fun to be around. The twins ignore him and complain to Annie that RevCam is making them go to work, and they're too young to work. Apparently, they're also too young to know how to hold a phone properly. Or to get a better agent. Annie tells the twins to help RevCam at his job like they help her. Really? I've never seen them help her; maybe they're spending all that time behind the couch dusting or something. SamVid agrees and gives the phone back to RevCam. Annie bitchily asks him if it would be so hard to take a day off of work to spend time with his own kids. Yes, Annie, it would. When you're the sole breadwinner for a family with at least five dependents, you can't just take days off to play. So shut up. RevCam says that the kids will be fine and she shouldn't worry.
Suddenly and without warning, the 7th Heaven special effects department shows up for work for the first time in about three years and decides that this scene would play much better to the viewing audience if it was cheesy as hell. So we get a split-screen of the CamRents talking to each other on the phone, as RevCam and his purple shirt come sliding into Annie's father's kitchen. Annie asks about Simon; RevCam says that he's getting ready for his meeting with a Board of Education counselor. Like the awesome mother she is, Annie forgot all about Simon and the upcoming meeting that could determine his future. She freaks out and says that she'll come right back to Glenoak. Unless the Phoenix to Glenoak flight takes less than five minutes, I don't think she's going to make it in time. RevCam tells her that she doesn't need to be there, as all the counselor is going to say is the same stuff they've already told Simon. Still, Annie is worried that a decision about Simon's education will be made when she's not there. RevCam says that this will not happen. They try to convince themselves that they love each other, then hang up without saying goodbye.
“ Peter says that ignoring everyone will just make things worse. Right -- unlike having your gallant, if petite, boyfriend try to fight the largest boy in the history of boys, which would result in a much better outcome. ”
Ruthie gets some books out of her locker, which the school unwisely chose to paint a dull orange color. A nasty little girl walks up and starts asking Ruthie pointed questions about her summer. Someone on the forums said that she's the same girl who made fun of Ruthie last season, but I'm not sure since I never saw that episode. I had to wash my hair that season. Cruel Girl says that Ruthie must have had a tough summer, what with her brother running over that guy and all. Hey, it could be worse. Ruthie could be wearing a pink t-shirt with a puffy-painted butterfly on it, like you. Cruel Girl asks if the reason why Simon never got arrested was because their dad is a pastor. Some huge guy walks up and asks what's going on. Oh, good. A teacher to help Ruthie with her bullying problem. Oh, that's supposed to be a classmate? Buthe's twice the size of all the other students! Cruel Girl tells him that she's trying to be nice to Ruthie, because Ruthie doesn't have any friends. It's good to know that there are some people in Glenoak who can manage to recognize and avoid evil in their midst. Biggiesize Fries says that preacher's kids never have any friends because they're losers, and again suggests that Simon didn't get arrested because of who his dad is. Then tiny Peter walks up, and Ruthie leaves with him.
As they walk down the hall, Peter asks Ruthie what's wrong. She won't say, but he guesses that Biggiesize and Cruel Girl were talking about Simon, and volunteers to tell them off or punch Biggiesize. Howumchivalrous? Ruthie tells him to just ignore them. Peter says that ignoring everyone will just make things worse. Right -- unlike having your gallant, if petite, boyfriend try to fight the largest boy in the history of boys, which would result in a much better outcome. Peter asks Ruthie if she's told her parents about how everyone in her school is talking about her brother. Ruthie says that they have too much to worry about, what with Simon being a murderer, Grandpa having Alzheimer's, and Mary living a functional and independent life, to have time to worry about her. Then she flatly says that she has to go to class. You know, this season, I think Mackenzie Rosman has decided to no longer try to act. I'm not sure if she's now better or worse than when she was trying. "Sorry about all this, honey," says Peter, Peter, Antiquated Terms of Endearment Leader. With Ruthie gone, Peter walks up to Biggiesize, calls him a coward, and says that he should pick on a "man" instead of Ruthie. Biggiesize and I laugh at Peter for considering himself a man. "You want me to fight you?" Biggie asks. "YOU want HIM to fight YOU?" Cruel Girl parrots. Peter says that he wants to fight Biggie, but after Biggie beats the hell out of him, he will have to stop talking about Simon and beat up anyone else who does. Biggie says that if Peter can last three minutes in the ring without crying or breaking anything, he'll agree to his conditions. Biggie and Nasty walk away, leaving Peter to wonder if dating Ruthie is really worth all this.
“ How did she get out of the Divorced Women's Leper Colony on the other side of town? ”
Avert your eyes! It's an extreme close-up of RevChan making out with a blonde woman twice his age! And no, it's not Annie. The kissing comes to an abrupt halt when Lucy walks in. The woman greets Lucy and says that she was just saying good-bye to RevChan, who smiles dorkily all, "Huh huh, I just totally almost got laid, huh huh." It's the same look we've seen on Matt's face many a time. After the woman leaves, Lucy digs into her dad's co-worker about how quickly he got over Roxanne. Chandler responds by asking Lucy what she's doing there, to which she answers that she needs to borrow a book for school. I guess the legs on Crawford Clown College's desks are uneven and need something to help them balance. Chandler knows exactly where the book is, grabs it from the shelf, and hands it to Lucy. She informs Chandler that the girl he was just getting mouth herpes from is (dun dun dunnnn!) divorced. How did she get out of the Divorced Women's Leper Colony on the other side of town? Chandler asks Lucy if there's anything else she wants, like to make some more judgments or offer some unsolicited advice. Like he's never done that before. The phone rings. Chandler answers it and makes dinner plans for Friday (as every other day of the week was already booked), then hangs up on the caller. "You're disgusting!" Lucy shouts at him, and leaves. Then she turns around and asks Chandler if he really should be using his congregation as his own personal dating pool. Chandler says that most people date people they work with. Lucy screams that this is different because Chandler is a minister, and is supposed to be doing the work of God. Chandler says that he never realized how attractive that was to women, and he's "enjoying" getting over Roxanne. Lucy walks out again, then stops and walks back into the office to give him a cartoonish dirty look. Then she leaves before Chandler can take his book back.
At the police station, Kevin is trying to convince Roxanne to cancel her plans with Lucy because, as he whines, "Detective Michaels wants [Kevin] to babysit and [he]'d feel better if Lucy was there to help [him]." Roxanne says that she won't cancel her night with Lucy because she wouldn't wish Det. Michaels's granddaughter on her worst enemy, let alone her "best friend." Which category does Lucy fall into again? I can't remember, it's always changing. Kevin asks what's wrong with the granddaughter. Roxanne says that she can't tell him because he hates gossip, but she will give him some advice. That advice is to keep his eyes on her at all times, as her nickname is "Houdini."