Welcome to the first Real World Show Summary, where I look back with some anger, some loathing, and hopefully some humor at each episode. I will warn you ahead of time that I'm really fickle, so one week a certain cast member will be my favorite and the week I will hate them. But isn't that what the Real World is all about? Shout outs to Wing Chun and Sars (whose jokes I ruthlessly steal without so much as a tm).
This episode starts with quick clips from the Casting Special. First we see a shot of the Rejects who hosted the special -- people who applied but were not chosen for this season. Well, except for the not chosen part, because one of them, Colin, ended up on the show anyway.
We meet Amaya, a blond with weirdly dark skin (I found out she is Spanish-American, so maybe this explains it). Her niche appears to be the naïve person who wants to become more experienced (see Julie in the first season). As she shows off the bedroom she grew up in, she says, "I don't really know the person who lived in this room."
Kaia talks with her jaw clamped shut. From now on, she shall be known as Tetanus Girl, since she obviously stepped on a rusty nail at some point and now has lockjaw. No one else seems concerned about this.
Justin is up . He is currently the front runner as my favorite castmate. The producers make sure we know Justin is smart and gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Matt describes himself as "cocky." The interviewer says, "Could border on self-righteous, maybe?" and he agrees. Hey, he's the conservative one (see Aaron in L.A., Rachel in San Francisco). I can't wait until he starts passing judgment on his roommates because of their liberal values. How kind of the producers to tip us off early.
Ruthie is the native Hawaiian. Plus, I read in Entertainment Weekly that she has a drinking problem.
Teck is the class clown. To me, he looks constantly stoned. I guess if you like to smoke pot, Hawaii would be a good place to be, since they grow it there. Don't they?
And Reject No More Colin rounds out the cast. Colin has a really bad haircut. Maybe that's why he was a reject at first. Then the producers said, "Wait. We can cut that hair! Put him on the show!." That's how I imagine it happened.
Cue the opening credits. I think the goal of this show is to teach people the proper way to pronounce Hawaii. It's Ha Wa EE, not Ha Why EE. But if you say it like that on the mainland, it sounds pretentious.
Now we get to see the cast arriving at the house. Teck is first. Teck talks about how racially tolerant he is, while they show his audition tape on which every single person is black.
Teck gets in a cab which goes to pick up Ruthie. She tells us she is thinking about Jess. (Hmm, Jess could be a boy or a girl.) They show a clip of Ruthie and Jess hugging on the beach -- still unsure. Finally they show their faces and -- hey, Jess is a girl! Boy, those producers are tricky. Anyway, the cab pulls up and Ruthie gets in.
, we see Matt. One question: why would you wear a Hawaiian shirt in Hawaii? He tells us he's ready for a serious relationship. Matt picks up Amaya, who is 21 and from Oakland, CA, and also a student at UCLA. Amaya says she has wanted to work in the entertainment industry since she was 3. Matt has one of the funniest lines of the episode: "When I was 3, I was crapping my shorts and watching Sesame Street." Amaya and Matt must have been having a boring conversation because they don't show them much more.
That's probably because Teck and Ruthie have arrived at the house. Ruthie does this really annoying giggle after every sentence. Teck keeps looking at the camera and making faces. It bugs me. As the gates open at the house, I hope that velociraptors are going to pop out and eat them, because it looks like a smaller version of the gate from Jurassic Park. No such luck. Instead, they decide to go skinny-dipping. Really, they do this all the time. It has nothing to do with the camera being there.
After the commercial, Matt and Amaya arrive to find their roommates naked in the pool. Teck invites them into the pool. Call me a prude, but I agree with Matt -- no naked, especially not on the first day. Matt continues to stand around looking awkward in the dorky Hawaiian shirt that I still can't believe he wore.
cast member is Tetanus Girl who says, "It's not JUST that I have so much charisma when I walk into a room, people look at me -- it's that I back it up." On behalf of Sars, I would like to award this woman the Golden Stepladder Award. The trophy is a gigantic golden stepladder, as big as her ego (and that's big) which she should use to climb up and get over herself.
Matt tries to find someone else who is as uncomfortable with nudity as he is. Guess what, brother -- Tetanus Girl's not it. , Matt furthers his humiliation by trying to hit on Ruthie who has a GIRLFRIEND! D'oh!
Justin arrives . He's obviously not long for this house because he's moral, smart and gay. Teck yells out "Are you gay? Are you gay?" and Justin says "Yes." Inexplicably, everyone cheers. While this is better than beating him up, it still seems weird. Why make a big deal about it? Matt continues to look for someone else who is uncomfortable too.
Colin finally arrives, and most of the cast members are surprised to see him, since he was a REJECT and all. That noise you hear that sounds like an approaching helicopter is the collective sound of the casting directors patting themselves on the back for being SO DARNED CLEVER! Like we didn't all figure it out anyway. Amaya annoys me further by saying "Wait a gosh-darned second here!" Why does every word out of her mouth sound like she's reading a script? Colin has the key, and they enter the house.
Of course, the house is great. Do you think the New York and LA people are bitter? I mean, their places were okay, but nothing compared to the last three seasons.
Matt shows off his judgmentality by not wanting to room with Justin, because Justin is gay. So he rooms with Ruthie and Amaya, because he thinks Ruthie is hot. So, let me get this straight. It's not cool for Justin to potentially hit on you as his bunkmate (which he wouldn't, because you're a dork) but it's okay for you to hit on Ruthie as your bunkmate. Oh, I see. You're not just judgmental, you're a hypocrite too.
Teck and Tetanus Girl room together. We find out Tetanus Girl is a vegan and Teck is a convenience store, since his motto is "all day, every day".
Justin and Colin get stuck with the bunkbeds. Wait, they have this huge, beautiful, multi-million dollar house, and then they have bunkbeds? What's up with that? But the producers don't try to stir up controversy. Because you wouldn't be sour about getting the bunk beds when everyone else got these beautiful rooms with like king sized beds, would you?
Tetanus Girl and Justin have a nice talk, and she tries to make him feel more comfortable there. Then she takes off her shirt for no apparent reason. Then she says, "I also really, really, really like looking at myself." I hate her.