By Cate
RevCam is in the hospital, about to go under the knife. He's groggily answering questions about what kind of music he would like to listen to during his open-heart surgery. The nurse explains that music helps the doctors "to concentrate," and that it also keeps the patient happy. That's all well and good until some bozo chooses Celine Dion. Or the 7th Heaven theme song. If that happens, wouldn't the doctor be likely just to kill the patient outright? And is there a jury in the world that would convict that physician, given the circumstances? Fortunately, RevCam chooses Elvis. In fact, he not only chooses to listen to Elvis, but to be Elvis. As the anesthesia kicks in, we see RevCam in his own mind. It's pretty much a black wasteland, except for Eric himself, who is dressed up as The King. He's singing "All Shook Up." Stephen Collins does a good job of it, even though his fake guitar-playing could use a little work. He looks like he's having fun, too. I just hope these joyful moments compensate for all that crappy dialogue he has to deliver week after week.
Opening credits, after which RevCam sings us back in from commercial with "Don't Be Cruel." I'm sure it's safe to say that this is the best Opening Credits Timewaster we have ever seen -- or will ever see again -- even though the black backdrop and the beeping of a heart monitor in the background creep me out just a tad.
Annie phones Ruthie, who is baby-sitting the twins back at the CamPound. Ruthie's not doing this to be helpful, though; she's just avoiding the hospital in order to get back at RevCam for lying to her last week. Ouch. That's pretty harsh. Now, I hate being lied to too, but I don't think I could desert my own father in his hour of need. On the other hand, I'm not sure why Annie's trying so hard to get Ruthie down to the hospital. I know that if my husband were having surgery, the last people I'd want to have around would be Ruthie and those terrible twins. Count your blessings, Annie.
Lucy and Robbie are hanging out in the cafeteria. Robbie, probably rightly, assumes that Annie sent them there because she didn't want to look at them anymore either. Lucy goes off on what looks like it will be a whole orgy of selfish questions, like, "What if I never get to talk to my dad again?" Robbie tries to stop her before she really gets going, but to no avail. Lucy whines about how if anything happened to Kevin, she'll be all alone. Personally, I think that if she lost Kevin, she'd be spared a sad future of spousal abuse, but Lucy has become entirely too dumb to realize that. She gripes that if anything happens to Kevin, "All [she'll] be left with are some very good memories of making out, but that's it." She thinks that being engaged to Kevin would somehow make that different. Hey, Lucy, don't you think these topics would be better discussed in your journal? Please? Lucy concludes that she is now ready to get married. Discerning viewers everywhere yawn profusely at that news. Not Robbie, though. He is appalled, but not for the good, logical reasons you'd think he would be shocked -- like the fact that Lucy is still too young to get married, and that Kevin is a creepy asshole. No, Robbie is aghast because Lucy should be telling this to Kevin first, not to Robbie. Okay, that's true, but what about the fact that Kevin's a loathsome brute? Can't any of you Camdens see that? Huh? Anyone?