“ We finally get to see Brenda, of 'Brenda's Cookies' fame! I was expecting some kind of senile SNL Church Lady look-alike in her late seventies with absolutely no grasp of reality, but instead we getan Annie Camden look-alike, blonde hair and all. ”
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Continuing its fine tradition of bringing us the very worst of pop culture with Kid Rock, a look into the lives of the members of a manufactured boy band, and Carson Daly, MTV now gives us a behind-the-scenes look at 7th Heaven.
We start with a whole smattering of images showing us what to expect on the upcoming show, such as the revelation of "Camden family secrets," one of which appears to be that Catherine Hicks is a little bit behind the cool times when she flashes the camera an early-'90s peace sign.
And suddenly my eyes are assaulted with a montage of cast photos that rapidly zoom into the screen. One of the pictures is of someone's arm. Whatever. And here's Aaron Spelling sitting to some woman. He introduces her as Brenda Hampton. Can I just say that this is the moment I've been waiting for for a good long time? We finally get to see Brenda, of "Brenda's Cookies" fame! I was expecting some kind of senile SNL Church Lady look-alike in her late seventies with absolutely no grasp of reality, but instead we getan Annie Camden look-alike, blonde hair and all. I was initially disappointed, but then I realized how very telling it is that Brenda most likely modeled Annie on herself. Aaron Spelling lets us know what Brenda's jobs are on the 7H set and how great she is at all of them. Brenda responds in kind by calling him "legendary." The ego stroking continues as Spelling lets us know that 7H is the show he's "the most proud of. In my life." If that's true, it's one of the most pathetic statements I've ever heard, but since we all know that Spelling is most proud of Charlie's Angels, I am relieved of the burden of sympathy.
Brenda tells us the fascinating origins of the title of 7H. As it does for all geniuses, the title just "came to [her]." Congratulations, Brenda! You and whoever thought of the title for Full House both deserve your own stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for your creative thinking in regards to family show titles. Brenda lies that 7H is about a "functional family," and each episode is a "morality play." She says that 7H is like the shows Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver, and I think she's right; those two shows and 7H all share the special distinction of presenting their audiences with a completely unrealistic portrayal of families that often causes psychological damage to the young people who watch them.
The hyper montage of cast photos and some guy's arm comes back again, this time accompanied by rockin' electric guitar power chords. No Sad Clarinets on MTV, folks! Catherine Hicks describes her awful character to us as an "at-home mom who's justgood at it," and then proceeds to tell us all about how damn happy every single person in the Camden house is. This is accompanied by the following shots from the show: Annie rolling over in bed, rejecting her husband's advances; RevCam putting the twins at the table while Annie sits around; and some of her kids sitting on the stairs in order to spy on the other kids. If only my family were this happy.
Stephen Collins is up, and he tells us that Eric is a minister at a "non-denominational Christian church." So I guess the answer to the big question on the forums about the denomination of the Camdens' church is that it isn't any denomination. Nice cop-out there, Brenda. Then Collins does a little sarcastic-sounding laugh thing that makes me think that, in real life, he thinks Eric sucks. Apparently Brenda would have none of this, because there's a sudden cut where she probably made them stop the tape so she could give Collins twenty bucks to let us all know the virtues of the Camden family. It's the best family ever, and Eric and Annie have a great marriage.
Barry Watson struggles to find something good to say about Matt, and the best he can do is tell us that Matt is "the nicest guy in the world." Then he laughs dorkily.
Oh, yuck, it's Jessica Biel. Her description of Mary has been cut, while she was in mid-sentence, about four or five times. She does not say anything about how she could kick Mary's ass in a fight like she said in Gear, sadly.
Beverley Mitchell talks about Lucy, making her sound as lame as she actually is.
David Gallagher is , and he apparently has a short-term memory problem, as he describes Simon as someone who doesn't drink, even though we all saw Simon drinking like two weeks ago.
Mackenzie Rosman struggles valiantly to describe Ruthie as something other than a sociopath.
Adam LaVorgna tells us about Robbieand is that a shot of Robbie walking into the Camden house with Britney Spears? No, it's not Britney, it's International Pop Sensation Joy Enriquez -- but what an easy mistake to make! LaVorgna says nothing new or interesting about Robbie.