After their beautiful bonding session in last week's episode, Mary and Lucy are great friends again. They're sitting in their bedroom, forlornly discussing how they miss their ex-fiancés. That would be Wilson and Jeremy, respectively. I'd better make that clear in case I missed an episode or two last year where the girls got engaged to other people I don't know about. Ruthie suggests that the girls move on. While I agree that Wilson and Jeremy are hardly worth pining over, I'm not sure either Mary or Lucy needs to get right back on that horse so soon. Didn't Mary's engagement only end, like, three weeks ago? Ruthie's just brimming with crappy advice today. Her suggestion is that her sisters get RevCam and SuperMom to find their "boyfriends, a.k.a. future husbands." Her rationale? The CamRents are obviously "experts on love." Oh, is that what they are? I guess Brenda Hampton wants us to know that the key to love is for one spouse to be completely abusive while the other cowers in fear. So all you folks with functional relationships, just quit it! How can you expect to become experts on love by treating your mate well? Personally, I genuinely like and respect my husband, which means our relationship probably needs a lot of work. I'll start tonight, though, as soon as he gets home. When he says hi, I'll belligerently ask him what he meant by that. I'll prepare him dinner, and then flush it down the toilet for no apparent reason. And he'd just better not be thinking of asking me how my day went. Not if he wants to be physically capable of fathering my seven children one day -- if you know what I mean. It might seem a little weird at first to treat him like shit, but Brenda Hampton has won all kinds of awards, so we should probably listen to her. Should Mary and Lucy listen to Ruthie? The answer would seem apparent to any rational person, wouldn't it? Yet, after contemplating Ruthie's dumb-ass idea for a few seconds, the sisters hurry off to find their parents. I read an interesting factoid in my latest issue of Martha Stewart Living which said, "The human brain produces about ten watts of electricity, so the power of a dozen people thinking could light an average-length string of holiday lights." I guess it's safe to assume that the Camdens won't be enjoying any Christmas lights this year.
The opening credits remind us of past examples of the CamRents' great love for each other. There are the roses RevCam brought for Annie, remember? Except she tossed them into the sink and refused to go out to dinner with him. There's Annie turning her back on Eric and rolling her eyes in irritation. Love is a thing of beauty, isn't it? And don't forget -- these people are experts on love!
Today's Guest-Star Credits Timewaster consists of RevCam in his office, staring at photos of his brood. I know the acting on this show can get pretty wooden at times, but these are definitely still photos. You can tell because the people's heads are in frames. Aw, there's a picture of Robbie! But Eric's just now adding pictures of the twins? Aren't they almost three years old? Some Father of the Year.
Lucy and Mary bounce in and demand that RevCam find them husbands. So is this some kind of time-travel episode in which the Camdens have traveled back to, say, nineteenth-century England? To his credit, RevCam thinks their idea is bullshit. The girls, however, try to goad him into the husband-finding by taunting him, insisting that he's just scared of the task. Who knows? Annie's done such a number on his self-esteem that this tactic may actually work for them.
There's the lovely and talented Cruella de Annie now. She's come home late from a PTA meeting and is about to prepare dinner. The meal looks like it will consist of some celery and an onion. Mmm, yummy. Will there be gruel for dessert? Ruthie informs her of the sisters' wacky plan to have the CamRents hook them up with husbands. Simon walks in and laughs, but it's no surprise that control freak Annie thinks it is an "interesting" idea. Simon asks who his mom would fix him up with. She says, "Oh, come on. We both know." She elects to keep us in suspense, though -- if by "suspense," you mean "annoyance that anyone would come up with a plot so stupid in this day and age." Simon sure looks irritated as he tells Annie not to bother sharing her answer with him. How many girls has Simon dated anyway? Just vile Hickey Deena, boring Sasha, and that witless pregnant girl we'll never see again. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out Cruella's answer through the process of elimination. Dopey comes in and scoffs at the whole husband-finding idea, prompting Cruella to lecture her ungrateful children about how insightful she is. Perhaps bored by the perpetual lack of a plotline for herself, Ruthie tries to get Annie to spill the beans. When Annie won't tell her, Ruthie leaves to go upstairs. There's a neatly folded pile of towels on the landing of the front stairs. What an odd place to store one's towels. You'd think in a house that huge there would be at least one linen closet.
Upstairs, Ruthie eavesdrops on Robbie's phone fight with Joy. The little songbird is trying to get him to spend time with her, though he insists he has to study. He remains immune even to such charmingly worded entreaties as, "Why can't you just say you'll play with me today and you'll study tomorrow? It's just today!" When Robbie calls her selfish, I have to agree. The two hang up on each other long before we can begin to care about what happens to them and their bothersome relationship. I think it's funny that Robbie's bedroom is way more frilly and feminine than Joy's. I'm just disappointed that there's no Hello Kitty phone.
Dopey comes into the room and taunts Robbie about his problems with Joy. Robbie pretends he's just upset over a course he's having problems with: "Angry Irish Women Poets." Feeling a little skeptical that any college would offer a course with a name like that, I did a quick web search on "Angry Irish Women Poets." I found some pretty interesting stuff, but no course descriptions. I guess Crawford Clown College is just groundbreaking that way. Or else Brenda Hampton is taking yet another stab at women and their silly feminism. Robbie answers the phone and smiles. He tries to boot Dopey out of the Hello Kitty room so he can have some privacy, but Dopey won't oblige. I guess their friendship has moved past the point where Matt even needs to be surreptitious about his eavesdropping. He lies down on the bed and stares at Robbie openly -- and a tad creepily, I might add.
Lucy and Mary find Cruella in the CamKitchen, where she's probably working on one of her useless lesson plans. Annie tells the girls that Ruthie has already talked to her about the arranged marriage idea, and that she must consult with RevCam before she reveals her choices. Mary rolls her eyes, hits a kitchen chair with her hands, and then stalks off without saying a word. I'm remembering why I detest her so much.
Ruthie is upstairs in the girls' bedroom, commenting that if it had only one bed in it, it would be almost like an apartment. See, I think she's trying to get everyone married off so that she can have more room in the house or something. I don't know. It's such a poor excuse for a subplot that it's barely worth mentioning. Lucy and Mary come in and try to weasel information out of her regarding Annie's choices for their future husbands. Ruthie can't tell them anything about Cruella's selections, but she does mention that she knows of a guy in whom they'd be interested. Lucy and Mary perk up considerably, as if there were even a remote possibility that Ruthie could have something worthwhile to say. You know Ruthie is going to suggest Robbie, and she does. Lucy and Mary show an interest, though they're even more excited when Ruthie tells them that Robbie and Joy have been fighting. That interest is so believable, considering that Lucy and Robbie had a one-week non-relationship and that Mary just split with her fiancé. Lucy and Mary try to hide their reactions from each other, foreshadowing a tiresome future in which they'll be fighting over Robbie some more.
Simon walks into the Hello Kitty room to talk to Dopey. Both guys insist that they really don't want a "serious relationship" right now. They engage in a little G-rated lusting over Joy, which sends them into an icky hormonal frenzy and convinces them that they have to find girlfriends, "fast." Now all they have to do is come up with some zany plan that would only work on a bad TV show. Their idea of using the twins as props to pick up chicks is not only unoriginal, but stupid as well. Still, they congratulate each other with a hearty handshake. So twenty-one-year-old Dopey is positively thrilled about the idea of picking up women with his fifteen-year-old brother. No wonder Barry Watson hates his role on this show so much.
RevCam peers into the twins' room, where SuperMom is playing with the children and pretending to like them. Eric wants to know if Annie has agreed to Lucy and Mary's harebrained husband-finding scheme. With the biggest smile I've ever seen, Cruella says, "No, but I do think it would be kind of fun to choose someone for them, don't you think?" Why the hell is she smiling so much? Is it one of those smiles that masks a deep-rooted psychosis? Or maybe the WB is just turned off by all the hate mail they've no doubt received about Annie's abusiveness, and now they're telling the director to make Catherine Hicks smile all the time so the audience will like her better. RevCam tells her he doesn't think the scheme is a very good one, but you can tell he's trying to avoid setting off her temper. He says that the girls' quest to find boyfriends is motivated by jealousy: "They want what Robbie has, and they want it before they enter into the holiday dating season, so that they don't have to spend the holidays watching Robbie and Joy." Excuse me? Did he say "holiday dating season"? What the fuck is that? Is it some quaint custom from the same era when women were more amenable to their parents choosing mates for them? Fortunately, Robbie interrupts this bizarre conversation, saying, "Can I have a word with…" He trails off, then points to RevCam. Careful, Robbie -- you don't want to piss off the beast. You'd better lock your door tonight, or you may wake up to find Cruella staring down at you and holding an axe.
Robbie starts asking for advice about Joy, when a clattering noise is heard. RevCam looks around the corner to see both Lucy and Mary eavesdropping from the stairs to their bedroom. They just smile cheerfully, without even a token display of remorse at being caught, as if spying were a perfectly normal thing to be doing. ["Consider the source there." -- Sars] RevCam leads Robbie to his office, where Robbie carefully checks for snoopers before closing the door. He wants to talk to Eric about the fact that Joy is so insistent on his spending time with her today. I love how this show is always turning such trivial things into huge issues. Or maybe Robbie is just incapable of making even the smallest decisions? Does he consult with RevCam on what shirt to wear in the morning, too? RevCam asks a bunch of questions, including whether today might be Joy's birthday. Robbie hasn't a clue, though this does lead him to talk about his feelings of insecurity over the fact that Joy is rich. RevCam says, "Son, you're in the family, and I'm gonna treat you like I would one of my own." I assume he means he'll never raise a finger to help him unless Annie says it's okay. It also means he will discourage Robbie from dating the Camden girls by pushing him to go see Joy. He concludes that with: "Love is a wonderful thing, so go for it." Hey, you better listen to him, Robbie. After all, he's an "expert on love." Eric pumps up Robbie's ego for a long time while Robbie just nods vacantly at him, until Eric finally pushes him out the door.
In the CamKitchen, Lucy and Mary start telling Cruella that they don't want her to find them husbands after all, but they're interrupted by Robbie, who says he's going over to Joy's. After Robbie leaves, the girls glare at each other and simultaneously spit out, "Never mind!" Comic, no? RevCam walks in while the girls are begging for Annie's help again. He says, "I'm not promising anything." The girls evidently take this as a sign that he will help, though. Exploiting the peculiar psychic connection they seem to have developed today, they spontaneously burst into song, singing, "I'm gettin' married in the morning…" as they skip upstairs. Good God, are there still forty minutes left of this episode?
Robbie is driving in his car. It's an exceedingly ugly car. It's so ugly, in fact, that my husband -- who can rattle off the make and year of just about any car he sees -- can't even identify it. Robbie sees a stray dog by the sidewalk. He stops the car and gets out to approach the dog. He comments that the dog looks a lot like Happy, although the only resemblance I can see is that both dogs are light-coloured and have four legs. Examining the dog's collar, Robbie says, "Wow, you're a long way from home, Murray." I wonder if Murray is from "New York." After all, the writers seem to think there are only two states in the U.S. Murray follows Robbie into the ugly car willingly. I wonder if Adam LaVorgna had to do this scene with dog food down his pants. Robbie whiles away the minutes to Joy's house by talking to the dog. We never see the two of them in the same shot together, though, so it's pretty obvious that this was all filmed separately and that Murray is not actually reacting to Robbie's stupid platitudes about how difficult it is to be in love. Despite the fact that Robbie and Murray technically aren't even in the scene together, they still have way more chemistry than Robbie ever had with either Lucy or Mary. Robbie keeps looking over to where Murray should be. Hey, Robbie, keep your eyes on the road! If you smash up that ugly car, you'll only collect $1.99 in insurance.
Back at the CamPound, Lucy and Mary are being interviewed separately by the CamRents for information about their husband preferences. The director keeps cutting back and forth, so we see that Lucy and Mary have almost identical husband requirements. The only remotely interesting thing here is that Mary wants someone she can bring into her family, while Lucy plans to leave the Camdens and "cling" to her husband's family. RevCam looks a little disturbed by this revelation, but he gamely continues writing down Lucy's requests.
Robbie rings the doorbell of Joy's house and waits until she comes to the door. Shouldn't the butler be answering the door? Joy passive-aggressifies (tm gwen), "I thought I was too rich and stuck-up and selfish for you to talk to." She's trying so hard to remember her line that she doesn't even attempt to do any acting at the same time. That's probably just as well. Joy's father calls to her from somewhere inside the house, so Joy says she will be right back. She doesn't even invite Robbie into the house. She just leaves him on the doorstep, but not before simpering, "Don't go anywhere…ever." It's the kind of dialogue I would have thought was really clever when I was twelve.
Lucy and Mary are still listing off their husband requirements. They've moved into the super-important category of eating habits. Are you interested in hearing their views? I didn't think so. Before Mary can tell us how she'd prefer her husband to hang the toilet paper, Dopey and Simon interrupt. They're dressed to go out, and they're each carrying a twin. RevCam realizes that the guys are planning to use the twins to pick up women. Ah, so I guess he saw that episode of Friends too -- the one that this plot is ripped off from. Dopey just claims that they're bringing the boys out "to breathe a little fresh air." When RevCam points out that the boys will be asleep soon, Dopey earnestly replies, "Well, sleeping people breathe too!" We should listen to him. I'm sure he knows all about complicated medical stuff like that, seeing as how he's an orderly!
Joy hands Robbie a bottle of soda and tries to drum up our interest with a toast: "Here's to sharing secrets." I really could not care less about Joy's secrets, but it seems that Robbie wants to know. Joy explains that today is her brother's birthday -- her brother, Joseph, who disappeared a few years ago. Murray the dog barks loudly here. Could it be -- I don't know -- foreshadowing of some sort? Joy starts to tell the story of how she was helping her brother, who was seven at the time, bathe their dog (A dog? You mean like Murray?) in the front yard, "because that's where the gardener left the hose." Heh. I love how all the people who tell their sad stories on 7th Heaven always include these little extra details, as if to boost the reality quotient. Considering that the stories themselves are usually absurd, I guess the little details are supposed to make them more believable. Murray barks again. Yeah, Murray, we know you have something important to tell us! Give the girl a chance to finish her story first, okay? Joy says that she went into the house for more towels, and when she came back out, Joseph was gone. The towel was still there, and the water was still running (gotta love those details), but Joseph was gone. Am I the only one who can't take this at all seriously? Maybe it's the fact that Joy and Robbie are two of the worst actors I've ever seen, or that I instinctively know that this storyline will turn crappy soon. If someone real were telling me about a missing child, I'd feel terrible about it. But all I can think here is: Have they thought of checking for Joseph in the Spelling mansion? There are over a hundred rooms, you know. Or maybe it wasn't such a good idea for Joy's family to have a driveway made out of quicksand. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I just can't bring myself to believe in these characters. Robbie apologizes a lot, furrowing his brow slightly to indicate "sadness," while Joseph's dog -- oops, I mean, Murray -- barks some more.
Simon and Dopey are sitting on a bench on the Promenade, scoping out chicks. What would you think if you saw two people holding twins? I'd assume these were the babies' parents. I think most people would assume that. So I'm not sure how this is supposed to help the guys pick up women. And actually, it doesn't. Two twenty-something women come along, and one coos over the babies. The other one -- who looks a little like Chickenhead -- bitches out Simon and Dopey for keeping the little boys up so late. Okay, no great loss -- these women were a good ten years too old for Simon anyway. But they were being a little harsh, I thought. Maybe if the girls knew that the only example of parenting that Simon and Dopey have seen has been a woman who kicked them out of the house and into an unfinished treehouse, they'd have been more understanding.
In the CamBoudoir, Annie and RevCam are working on their husband selections. For Lucy, Annie suggests Robbie's brother. RevCam makes it sound like Lucy's made out with more than one brother of Robbie's. I can't verify if that's true. , Annie suggests someone named Rod. Now, there's a nice, manly, phallic name. Rod's in the Marines, too. To be fair, I assume he enlisted before he found out he was to be chosen to marry a Camden. Annie is particularly disappointed to find out that Mike Pierce is dating someone already. When RevCam points out that Mike wasn't even Annie's first choice, Annie replies that she was "saving" him. Actually, it looks more like RevCam is saving him -- from a terrible, terrible fate -- by making up the story that Mike is already dating someone. What, no Jimmy Plywood on Lucy's list? For Mary, RevCam chooses some guy who "ran over" her, and someone else who's already married. When RevCam adds the firefighter Mary made out with in Buffalo to his list, Annie starts to suspect that Eric's not giving this task his all. She doesn't seem to suspect anything else, though, when Eric describes the Buffalo firefighter as being "a good kisser." I have to wonder why they're putting any effort into this at all. After all, their daughters are so wild and crazy anyway -- what with Mary drinking that half a beer last year and Lucy making out by the trashcans -- that you'd think the CamRents would be a little ashamed of wanting to inflict these hoydens on any decent guys anyway.
Joy's dad comes out of the house to complain about Murray's barking. Robbie apologizes and says he will check on the dog. Both Joy and her father offer to accompany Robbie to the car, which is a little weird, since the car is, like, maybe twenty feet away from the porch. When Robbie lets the dog out of the vehicle, both Joy and her father freak. While Ramon is checking Murray's tag, Robbie explains that the tag has an Arizona address on it. Oh, that's right! I forgot that the writers knew about the existence of the state of Arizona, too. That's where Annie's from. But I still have to wonder if anyone on the show knows that there are more states than just California, New York, and Arizona. What do they think all those other stars on the U.S. flag are for? Because this plot is so utterly implausible, I think Robbie can be excused for furrowing his brow in that stupid way when he finds out that Murray is actually Joseph's dog. Wow! I did not see that coming. Did you?
Robbie's calling RevCam from Joy's house, asking him to come over. He won't give any details, but he claims that the situation is "not bad…exactly." No, it's absurd, and should never have made it to air as a plot on a primetime show. But I'm getting ahead of myself. On his way out, RevCam runs into Simon, who tells him that the chick-scoping expedition did not go well. I just hope that's the last of that subplot. RevCam continues out the door, picking up what looks like a bag of "Brenda's Cookies" from the kitchen. I'm convinced they put Brenda's name on foodstuffs solely to torment me.
RevCam walks out the back door to see…Dopey and Heather making out? Where the hell did she come from? When RevCam asks them how everything is, they both say, "Fine." Dopey even makes what I assume is the American Sign Language sign for "fine." RevCam says he's going out "to help a friend." He asks again if everything is okay. Dopey and Heather answer, "Fine," again. I guess that's the only ASL sign Dopey was ever able to learn, but at least he seems to have it down pat. Eric leaves, and Dopey and Heather resume kissing. She tells him she's missed him, but that their relationship is not going to go anywhere, since she is planning to teach in "New York." Ah, Buffalo. But you see what I mean? There are forty-seven other states that nobody ever mentions on this show. I'm sure many of them would be perfectly lovely places to live. Heather tells Dopey, "I don't think anyone's ever gonna mean as much to me as my first love." Of course, that's Dopey. That doesn't bode well for any future relationships she might have, though, does it?
Lucy and Mary accost Annie to ask about their future husbands. Cruella tells them that she and Eric have decided the girls should find their own husbands. Mary tells Annie how "disappointed" she is in her. I honestly don't know if I've ever met anyone quite as rude as Mary. The girls leave, and Simon comes in to ask, "I think it's too soon for me to worry about choosing the right woman, don't you?" For once, Annie gives some good advice by agreeing with him. Ruthie's . She wants to hear the results of the husband search. She's also ready to offer up her own spousal suggestions for her sisters. Annie pretends to be interested in hearing them. Ruthie suggests Mike Pierce for Lucy. She explains, "Even though he tried to kill himself, he's the sanest, nicest and best-looking guy she ever went out with." You know, I'd be a lot less worried about the fact that he tried to commit suicide than I would be about the fact that he was a manipulative jerk who liked to play mind games with Lucy. Ruthie's suggestion for Mary is almost as bad: Robbie. Yeah, I'm sure the writers eventually will bring back that icky romance for another go, even though Mary and Robbie have broken up, what, three times already? But I'm curious as to why Ruthie is so anxious to push Mary and Robbie together. Gross as it may be, hasn't she wanted him for herself since, well, forever?
RevCam arrives at Joy's house just as Sergeant Michaels and another officer are getting out of their cruiser. RevCam demands, "What are you doing out of uniform, Sergeant Michaels?" Michaels says he's been promoted to detective. As if Eric didn't know! Perhaps he was trying to throw the other officer off the trail, in order to keep up the illusion that RevCam doesn't actually run the town himself. The other officer explains that he came along because he is familiar with the case. Nobody asked him why he was there, but maybe he just senses RevCam's superior leadership skills and feels he has to account for himself. They all have to walk past Robbie's car to get to the house. I'm surprised no one writes out a ticket for Robbie. Isn't it against the law to have a car that ugly?
Has Robbie been made deputy for a day? He's the one who has to explain Joseph's disappearance to RevCam. He tells some ridiculous story about the police suspecting Ramon's old girlfriend of snatching Joseph. Why would she do that? There's some bullshit about her being peeved when Ramon married Joy's mother instead of her, so she's been harassing the family ever since. Wow. What a stupid plot. And what does it have to do with RevCam, anyway? Well, explains Deputy Robbie, the local police are trying to involve a judge and "the police in Arizona," but it's "complicated." You bet it's complicated. I guess Brenda Hampton's too busy chortling over putting her name on food props to bother researching even the most rudimentary facts about law or police procedure. That must be why she has Deputy Robbie suggesting, "They want to just get someone neutral to take back the dog and see if they can get the police to help grab the kid." Of course RevCam is that "someone neutral." What a clever plan! It's either that or have RevCam dress up like Murray the dog and hang around the ex-girlfriend's property in Arizona until he can snatch back the little boy. That's about as realistic as what they came up with. It's hard to tell whether Robbie means that RevCam is the one who should convince the Arizona police to get involved in this case, or whether Detective Michaels will be taking care of that -- not that he can force anyone in Arizona to do anything, seeing as how he has no jurisdiction there. But why am I even wasting my time trying to find sense in this plot? I'm sure there is none.
The morning, Deputy Robbie is talking to Cruella in the CamKitchen about how he didn't sleep at all last night. Hey, but what's he doing still in Glenoak? I thought for sure he would have been an important part of Detective Michaels' lynch mob over in Arizona. Dopey comes in and comments that Joy and her mother probably didn't sleep very well last night either. Since we've never even seen Joy's mother -- and I suspect we never will -- as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't count even as a fictional character. Dopey offers to bring Robbie over to Joy's house to wait for news. Before they can leave, though, Cruella starts interrogating The Dopester about Heather. She reveals that she'd hoped Heather was "the one." Dopey says she isn't, but that he had hoped so too. So, um, what the hell purpose did it serve even to have Heather on this week's show? It was so, so pointless.
Up in the girls' room, Mary is staring at that ugly plastic see-through phone. Ruthie says she knows Mary is thinking of calling Wilson. Why anyone would want to do that is a mystery to me. But why Mary would want to do that -- since everyone keeps focusing on the fact that she's not in love with Wilson -- is an even bigger mystery. Besides, I just don't want to see Wilson and his horrid little son ever again, dammit.
Lucy and Cruella are in the CamKitchen, having a delightful heart-to-heart over whom the CamRents would choose as husbands for their daughters. Annie points out that Mike Pierce is all wrong for Lucy, since she's obviously not in love with him. I seem to remember her acting like she was in love with him for a while last year, but quite frankly, I just can't keep track of all the plot and mood flip-flopping on this show, especially since there's so rarely any consistency there anyway.
That would explain why Mary's upstairs, leaving a message on the odious Wilson's answering machine about how she wants him to call her, "maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday." Oh, God, please, not a future plot involving Wilson! What did I do to deserve this?
RevCam is very conspicuously sitting outside of Joseph's kidnapper's house when the woman drives up with Joseph. Eric gets out of the car and walks up to them. Not-Mrs.-Reyes grabs frantically at Joseph, so we'll understand that she's crazy and unbalanced. RevCam tells her he's found her dog and driven him over here. An excited Joseph runs to Eric's car to see Murray. As he's playing with his dog, he looks into the back seat and sees his father. Not-Mrs.-Reyes starts to rush toward the car, but she's stopped by a bunch of police officers. That's good, I suppose, but I am a little curious as to why, exactly, it was necessary for RevCam to be there in the first place. He didn't actually do anything that anyone else couldn't have done. Joseph is saying to his father, "She told me you and mom and Joy -- she told me you didn't want me." I guess that's supposed to tug at our heartstrings, but this kid's acting is so bad -- and the entire plot so annoying -- that I'm long past the sympathizing point.
It's time for crazy Not-Mrs.-Reyes's soliloquy. Too bad her acting's no better than Joseph's. I don't know if anyone could have made this speech good, though: "Joseph should have been my child! His father should have married me like he promised he would. He doesn't deserve that boy!" Okay, that takes care of motivation, I…guess. Hey, wouldn't this time be more profitably spent Mirandizing her? No, the cops are going to leave Crazy Not-Mrs.-Reyes up on her soapbox until she's done. She's almost there, as she adds, "I don't care what happens to me, what the police or the courts do to me, because it was worth it! I'm not afraid of them. I'm not afraid of anyone!" RevCam asks, "Are you afraid of God?" It's cheesy, but Stephen Collins says it subtly enough that it comes pretty close to working.
Despite the worthless fifty minutes or so of crap I just watched, I'm willing to give this episode a good grade, solely because of the few minutes, in which photos of various missing children are shown, along with identifying information and a 1-800 number for anyone who can offer information. I wish they would do this in every episode -- and I'm not just saying that because it cuts down on the length of actual show I have to watch.