Simon mopes out onto the back patio. Ruthie tells him that he missed it -- Mom made lasagna, but no one ate it because of all the trauma and bile. She explains everything that happened last episode, including the fact that Mary had adult relations. Happy sits way too close to Ruthie for my comfort. I imagine dog hairs wisping into her mouth. Then Simon runs off, and Ruthie hugs and kisses Happy. Happy just sort of whines throughout this scene. Its a fitting lead-in to the caterwauling of the theme song that follows.
Seventh heaven!
Thankfully the seasons over and I can have a break!
Seventh heaven!
When I watch this stupid show, it makes my stomach ache!
Now I can go-o-o-o
Out with friends on Monday nights!
And not go ho-o-ome
'Cause I cant program my VCR right
To record Seventh Heaven,
Ew, Seventh Heaven!
Mary, Lucy, and their various boyfriends sit in different parts of the CamPound and pout while Ruthie goes around and asks nosy questions. Robbie tells her to get out of his business. Mary gives a monologue about how shes seen as the Bad Seed and she shouldnt have come home. She runs off, showing us her maroon pants and blue tank top. No wonder no one likes her.
RevCam strolls into the kitchen and asks whats up. Annie bitches that shes been paging him all night. He looks at his pager and notes that its been turned off. Serena! he mutters, probably remembering that her ass hit the pagers off button while he was having sex with her on his desk at the church. Wilson walks in and informs the CamRents that Jeremy left. He does this while helping himself to a selection from their refrigerator. Then he leaves, and Annie starts to fill in RevCam on all the mess. When she gets to the part about Marys adult relations, she teases us like the saucy cat she is -- not actually saying the phrase, but asking Rev to sit down first, instead. She must know that the mere phrase adult relations is enough to arouse RevCam into impregnating her. She knows that she must take it slow, because the budget doesnt afford them the luxury of a series name change or extra dining-table leaf at this point.
Mary walks up to Lucys room, fighting colors all the way. She tries to tell her sister that she didnt actually have sex with Jeremy. Lucy is too righteous and indignant to listen. Mary makes a good point, for once. She asks why Lucys not angry with Jeremy, if she really believes he was unfaithful. Lucy says that Mary must have seduced him or come up with some wacky plan to trick him into going to bed with her. Then she verbally disowns Mary, who sadly leaves the room.
Back in the kitchen, RevCam digests what Annies told him. Hes sure Mary didnt actually have sex with Jeremy. Hes way more shocked that Lucy got engaged and wants to go back east with Jeremy. Im thinking about counting the number of times these people say back east in this episode, but Im too lazy. Ruthie comes in and tells everybody Lucys reasoning for her plans. She also informs us that Marys gone to talk to Jeremy.
Priscilla and John discuss the postponement of their wedding. Priscilla has booked them two flights to New York so that they can visit Johns ailing grandmother. On the way to the airport, theyll swing by Priscillas parents place and get them to inform all the wedding guests that the ceremonys off. Priscilla is really pretty. Johns cute, too. They should just have sex.
In some bedroom, Matt asks Cheryl why she wants to have sex so soon. Because its fun, she says, lying there all slinky on the bed. Word, Cheryl. I mean, too bad youre reduced to doing it with Matt, but still -- sex is fun. Matt says that talking is fun, too. You must be a really good talker, she tells him sarcastically. He replies that if she knew him better, shed realize that hes an excellent talker. I think Cheryl should leave him and find some other virgin to use for sex.
Up in her room, RevCam tells Lucy that shes smart and level-headed. Not with that zigzag part, she aint. Lucy babbles about how young the CamRents were when they got engaged, and about how shell make her plans work, and about how she loves Jeremy and is ready to leave home. RevCam makes a sad face. I think he feels bad because he really doesnt want his kids to have sex, but at the same time, he realizes that the desire for sex is going to cause them all to marry young and have too many kids, just like he and Annie did.
Annie goes upstairs to bother Robbie. She asks why he lied to Mary, and he tells her that it's because the CamRents wouldnt let him date her over the summer. He doesnt want to talk to her stank ass. She leaves, and learns from RevCam that Lucy went to find Jeremy.
Jeremy walks into the pool hall, looking grubby in his leather jacket and freshly-slept-on hair. He joins Mary at a table. We need to talk, she tells him. No, you need to explain, he says. The lens is all greased up when Marys onscreen, and I wish the camera people would do the same for Jeremy because his haggard face is hurting my eyes. When I want to see people who ARENT young and nubile, Ill turn off the WB and look in my mirror, dammit.