Regrets

Its quiet and dark. RevCams sitting in his lair, writing in his journal. We get to see the entry hes just written, which says, Tuesday 4 AM. I cannot get this revelation out of my mind, or the possible consequences when its revealed. At first I thought hed had an actual revelation. I thought maybe one of the kids had spilled something on the stairs and hed comically fallen down and conked his head. Then he could have had a vision that his doctor would have excused as something medically caused, but RevCam would have milked it for every pseudo-religious drop. Still, I found it remarkable that RevCam would experience a revelation, at all. And to whom was he going to reveal it? The media? I thought of all these things for about three quarters of a second, and then I noticed that RevCams journal entry was visible on my screen. I paused the VCR and read this: Why do I worry so much? When you look at it plainly, things almost always work out. Had a great talk with Mary who seems to be doing better and better. I miss her so much. Patience. At first glance, the reader is forced to ask, Trite much? However, the emphasis on the reverends intense craving for his daughters company leaves an ominous aftertaste that I wish I could ignore. Run, Mary! RUN!

RevCam meets Johns dad, the Reverend H, at his church. Rev H is bitching because he hasnt had lunch and would have preferred meeting over a meal. RevCam ignores this in favor of beginning a long, long flashback sequence. We see some of the Camdens around the breakfast table. Annie is flying off the handle because somethings going on with her dad and his girlfriend Ginger. She has no real evidence for this, but what does that matter? Ruthie asks her parents to sign a petition. One of her teachers, Mrs. Miller, is allegedly being fired. Annie reacts emotionally. Big strong patriarch RevCam says that hell have to get some more information before he makes a decision. Annie sees that her teenage CamSpawn have already signed, so she adds her name to theirs. Students who dont believe Mrs. Miller should be fired, she reads aloud. Ruthie runs off, and Robbie walks in. He tells us that he doesnt sign petitions or even vote. RevCam says, Thats criminal, and then, Register to vote, today! Then he was about to say, Come over here, young man, and lie across my lap so that I can heartily spank your taut yet supple buttocks, but he couldnt, because Robbie brought up Grandpa and Ginger. Nice to know that Robbies assimilating the CamGramps now. He leaves, and Annie speculates about her dad breaking up with Ginger and moving into the CamPound. RevCam reveals that Mary has been dating Wilson. Annie worries because he was a teen dad. RevCam the Voice of Masculine Reason tries to teach his wifes pretty little head to be reasonable. She runs out the door to the university, where theyre probably trying to teach her to be independent, logical, and non-submissive. Luckily, she wont have to study too hard, because she has her dear hubby to do all the thinking for her when anything important happens.

Rev H wonders why the hell hes sitting there listening to RevCams crap instead of eating lunch somewhere. RevCam pretends that hes going to get to the point soon. We flash back to him sitting in his church office, talking to Ruthies principal on the phone. She says that Mrs. Miller wasnt fired, but that shes also not coming back the year. Annies dad walks in. Ms. MacKoul says shes planning to meet with Ruthie the day, and RevCam is invited to join them. RevCam hangs up the phone and then asks Grandpa a bunch of intrusive questions about the whereabouts and knowledge of Ginger, patronizing and irritating him. Matt walks in and colloquially asks his grandfather what hes doing there. If I wanted you to know, I would have driven by the hospital and told you, says the suddenly lovable old man. Matt has come all the way to his fathers office to inform him that Mary is definitely dating Wilson. Thats pretty freaking sad, if you ask me. Grandpa interjects, I thought she was back together with that kid thats living at your house. RevCam supplies Robbies name. Grandpa defensively explains that its not Alzheimers making him forget the name. I mean, you have seven of your own, plus that extra one. I just couldnt remember, because I couldnt remember. Matt hangs around after his extra-credit snoopery, and Grandpa asks why he didnt just call with the information. Matt says its because Robbie and Mary are tying up the phone lines with screaming arguments. Then he says he should probably get to work. Goodbye, Grandpa tells him dismissively. Ha. Grandpa rules. He tells Matt not to tell Annie hes there.

Rev H is rather cranky. The storys going too slow, and hes hungry. I know exactly how he feels. RevCam does that comic not-caring-about-other-peoples-feelings thing thats so popular on this show. At long, long last, we get to the point. RevCam says he told Grandpa that Annie wasnt crazy about Wilson being a teen dad. We flash back to Grandpa freaking out over this. Oh, yeahits always the guys fault! he says. Isnt it enough that Wilson suffered through the loss of his wife? Isnt it enough that he took responsibility for the child? Isnt it enough that hes a single father, going through college? I mean, how good do you want the guy to be before he can go out with your daughter? Go, Grandpa! Young people fall in love. They have sex. They father children. They grow up and they become responsible parents who work hard and do the best they can, and sometimes they never emotionally recover from the heartache of what other people call their mistake. RevCam says, Why do I get the feeling were not talking about Wilson? I like that he picked up on the subtlety of Grandpas transference. Because were talking about me. Annie has a sister, Grandpa says with the piano swelling under him. Surprised as hell, RevCam sits down slowly. And its not a moment too soon, either, because I was getting sick of looking at the pukey stained-glass window behind him. Out of the flashback scene, Rev H says, Wow. I bet he still wishes he had gone to lunch instead, though.