Nice episode title, huh? Especially when the dreaded episode in question begins with ol' Dopey "acting" nervous by running around all sweaty and disheveled. Oops, my bad. That's not sweat; it's just the grease on his hair. And as for disheveled, well, have you ever seen him looking anything other than dirty and rumpled? Okay, so why is Matt so highly strung? Could it be sexual frustration? Probably, but he's blaming it on the fact that, as part of the med-school application process, he must undergo a one-hour psychiatric evaluation. Aw man, just think how the shrink is gonna feel. I'd imagine spending an hour listening to Dopey wax lyrical about his thought or two would feel much like being trapped in an elevator with a yappy little dog. Well, at least Dopey wouldn't take a leak on your leg. He wouldn't, would he? Hmm, probably not. So Matt is complaining to SuperMom about the evaluation. The writers appear to be trying to replicate the nonsensical, non-humorous shtick that Dopey and RevCam usually share whenever they interact, except Catherine Hicks isn't doing a very good job of hiding her disgust over the stupid excuse for dialogue. And hey -- speaking of stupid, Dopey is anxious to speak to Lucy's vile little friend Mike Pierce. Apparently, Matt thinks that Mike's attempted suicide and subsequent bouts with therapy -- not to mention that crazy mother of his -- make Mike an expert on the whole psychiatry thing. More importantly, I'm sure that having all that trauma in his background would make Mike just love to be the token crazy dude who gets quizzed about all things sanity-related. Yep, that's exactly the kind of sensitivity I've come to expect from the 7H crew.
As SuperMom attempts to calm Dopey, Mike and Lucy walk into the kitchen. Matt drags Mike off into the living room to talk. He's acting hyper in a way that's supposed to be funny, but isn't. Lucy smirks in a way that's supposed to convey surprise, but doesn't. I can't help but feel sorry for everyone involved in this painful scene. Well, except for maybe Barry Watson because he's so annoying.
Out in the living room, Dopey is subjecting Mike to the same old dumb-ass hyper shtick. Mike tries to help, but he's looking pretty vexed. That's nothing compared to how irritated I'm getting by now, though. I'm envisioning an hour chock-full of Dopeyness, and it's not appealing. I never thought I'd say this, but I almost wish they'd go back to focusing on the sexual attraction between RevCam and Robbie. Mike gives Matt a pretty interesting explanation of what therapy is supposed to be about, but the Dopester is too thick to understand it. Matt just wants to know how to "pass" the evaluation, and he's pissed because he thinks Mike doesn't want to "help" him. Mike gets him to take deep breaths, thus opening the door to some excruciatingly irksome "funny" face-making from Matt.
RevCam walks into the kitchen and demonstrates his plot-enabling abilities by immediately asking about Mike, whose car he saw outside. When Eric hears that Matt is "terrified," he offers to help. Mike comes into the kitchen and, with a straight face, agrees that RevCam could help, since he's a professional and all. See, the only problem there is that Matt's situation has nothing to do with stalking, and stalking really is where RevCam excels. I'm just not sure if offering to counsel Matt on non-stalking issues is going to help anybody. RevCam leaves to give it a shot anyway, and as he goes, Mike looks after him and does that index finger twirling around the ear gesture that's supposed to signify craziness. It's almost as funny as it was the last time I saw someone use that gesture, which was probably in the fifth grade. I'm not sure if Mike's trying to imply that RevCam or Dopey is the crazy one, but I'm not going to get worked up about it. That would be like trying to figure out who sucks harder: Celine Dion or Michael Bolton. At the end of the day, it just doesn't matter.
In the living room, Dopey is telling his father, "I'd rather have hot needles poked into my eyes." Now, I know it's possible the writer could have come up with that phrase in some other way, but I prefer to think that he or she lifted it from one of my recaps. Hey, thanks for the shout-out! Dopey's worried that "a stranger will know all the sordid details of [his] life." Yuck. I know that's supposed to be a joke, considering that Dopey has no life, but now I have this really unfortunate idea in my head that they're referring to some bizarre hobbies or fetishes he practices instead of sex. I'm sorry, I hope you're not eating while you're reading this.
Over at the hospital, Dopey paces the hallway for a while. Then he starts banging his head against the wall. Oh-ho, isn't it great how they play those mental-health issues for laughs? Everyone knows that insanity provides a veritable treasure trove of comedy! Dopey sits down. As the opening credits draw to a close, a tweedy-looking man walks into the office to where Matt is sitting. Matt takes a few dorky deep breaths, then walks into the office the man just entered. You didn't honestly think he'd be polite enough to knock first, did you? He is a Camden, after all, so he's had plenty of experience barging in where he's not expected. The tweedy guy just stares at him as Dopey launches into some nervous patter before finally sitting down. The guy wants to be called Doc. It is decided that Doc will ask Dopey a few questions to get him started. Doc's first question makes me wonder if he frequents MBTV: "What's with the hair?" That may be the funniest intentionally funny thing ever said on this show. Doc refuses to be pinned down to an answer on whether or not he likes Dopey's hair, but he says he thought the hospital had a policy mandating that staff members' hair had to be clean. Heh. Dopey explains that he puts product into his clean hair to make it look dirty. Well, duh -- Gwen and I were talking about that months ago in the forums. Doc endears himself to me totally when he remarks that Dopey can't be wearing his "best look." This makes Dopey defensive. That's unfortunate, because when Dopey gets defensive, he gets really chatty. He rambles on about Lucy and Mike Pierce for a while -- to Doc's intense boredom, no doubt. Maybe that's why Doc decides to liven things up a bit by playing a prank on Dopey, telling him to talk to a chair as if it were Lucy. Dopey doesn't fall for this trick, saying he'd feel foolish. And he doesn't already feel foolish sporting that stupid soul patch? Doc claims that one can learn a lot by not being afraid to be foolish, but Dopey still won't talk to the chair. If Doc really wants Dopey to talk to inanimate objects, maybe he should get him a mirror, like the one Matt talks to in the opening credits. Dopey wonders if he can be evaluated by someone else. Doc does that weird body-language thing where he answers that it's "entirely possible," but he's shaking his head at the same time. Matt's suggestion that they "start over" is met with what really is a very logical question: "Now, how would we do that?" Oh yeah, Doc has the whole quirky thing going on, in spades. So has everyone else already figured out that Doc is not really a doctor, that he's just some guy who wandered into the psychiatrist's office? This becomes even more evident when Dopey says, "I know nothing about anything," and Doc compliments him for it. The homage to J.D. Salinger would work better for me if Doc weren't so damn annoying.
Robbie runs into Lucy in the upstairs CamPound hallway. He wants to know where SuperMom is so he can ask her permission to drive Ruthie back to school. Lucy tries to tell him it's okay, but as an ber-Camden, The Amazing Robbie needs to hear it straight from SuperMom. I can sort of understand, but it's not like he's taking Ruthie with him to knock over a 7-11; he's just bringing her to school. How much nerdier could he get? Someone has attempted that zigzag part trick on Lucy's scalp, but it's a pretty sad effort that just makes her look exceedingly dorky. I'd feel sorrier for her if she weren't so damn annoying. SuperMom comes into the hallway and shushes the kids, telling Robbie to take Ruthie to school. Of course, he complies. Simon asks Lucy about Matt's whereabouts; he claims it's because he needs advice about women. I wonder who this "Matt" is. Is he some recurring character who has the same name as Dopey? Because obviously they can't be talking about the Dopester. If I needed advice about women, I'd ask just about anybody else first -- and that includes all the gay guys I know. Hell, I would probably ask the Pope before I'd approach Dopey. I'd feel sorrier for Simon if he weren't so damn annoying.
Simon mopes off to his room and closes the door. Lucy follows. Imagine my surprise when she doesn't knock but just walks right in. Simon tries to tell her that he doesn't need to talk to a woman; he needs to talk to someone about women. Lucy says something about being particularly qualified to understand her own gender. I think it's exactly the same line RevCam used a few shows back when he was giving Lucy advice on men, and it works, because Simon deigns to share his problem with Lucy. He wants to dump Sasha because she's too shallow. I find that a little hard to believe, but whatever. Lucy advises him to try the "not enough in common" line, but Simon shoots her down. Then she suggests that he lie and say his parents forbid him to date Sasha. By the way, this scene is littered with brief appearances by Annie, who keeps opening up the sliding doors from the twins' room and hissing at Lucy and Simon to be quiet. Simon is aghast at Lucy's suggestion that he lie. Good heavens! Lucy says that Simon could ask their parents to forbid him from seeing Sasha. That's pretty pointless. You know there aren't too many types of people I actively dislike, but those who think that following the letter of the law while ignoring the spirit of it absolves them of blame really work my nerves. Apparently, Annie doesn't agree, because she opens the doors again and forbids Simon to date Sasha. That's just one of the reasons I think Annie is a dumb-ass. The fact that she's obviously been eavesdropping on the kids' conversation is another.
At the hospital, RevCam asks a nurse about Dopey. She tells him Matt has the day off. A patient in a nearby room overhears her call Eric "Reverend." That was a rather unfortunate occurrence, because now this guy thinks Eric is qualified to advise him on spirituality. Harold, the patient, is upset because he's just been told by his doctor that he has only six weeks to live. Eric asks if the diagnosing physician has informed God of this.