Previously: something about a granola bar. Also, Kim was eliminated. Four girls remain!
And now, gentle readers, I must veer off-topic for a moment and let you know that my friend Matt and I still need a band name. We're a little bit country, and a little bit rock n' roll, and nameless. We have whittled down the selection of potential names and now entrust you, fans of Television Without Pity, to make the final decision. Unless you pick something that we don't like at all, in which case your vote counts the same as, like, Twiggy's. But anyway, see the poll to the right!
It is night. Nicole confessionalizes that she thought Bre would be eliminated, but instead, Kim was. She says that she doesn't trust Bre because of the stupid shit she's pulled. Well, the "stupid shit" might be a bit of editorializing on my part. Flashback to Nicole's confrontation with Bre, in which Bre refused to pay for or replace Nicole's Red Bull. Nicole is very sad that Kim was eliminated, and will miss her in the house.
The morning, Bre and Jayla hang out in the hotel room. Bre says that she's tired of people taking her stuff and being inconsiderate. Jayla interviews that Bre and Nicole are upset at one another, and that it's all over "a frickin' granola bar." She says it in a way that demonstrates she is fully appreciative of the stupidity of GranolaGate. Bre cries a little and says that nobody there sees her as a good person, but that she is a good person. To which I say, bullshit. She is maybe a mediocre person on her best days. She says with an evil-looking grin that she knows Nicole disliked her before, but now Nicole hates her. And if that is the case -- which it kind of is -- you can't really blame Nicole. Bre interviews that her position in the competition has been tarnished, and all over a stupid granola bar. At least she realizes the dumb-asshishness of the whole situation. She says that she knows she's wrong for not apologizing, but that she guesses she just doesn't care. And that's because she's hardheaded. And speaking of hardheaded, thank you to everyone who emailed to correctly identify the bitchy twig lady whose name I couldn't remember in my last recap as the estimable Miss Hickory, and for reminding me that her head was made of a nut -- hence the literal hardheadedness. And how awesome would it be if a squirrel stole Bre's head, just like what happened to Miss Hickory, and she had to look for a new one? Except then maybe she'd find an actually modelesque one and win the competition, which would be totally unacceptable and maybe even against the rules, on account of it not really being her own head. Anyway, I digress. But Miss Hickory is fierce!
is the preppy look. Simon tells the models that the preppy girl is snotty, rich, and looks down her nose at everybody. In other words, it's kind of a Cassandra/Kim meld. Simon adds that the preppy look is about sweater sets and pleated skirts. Bre has also failed miserably in her style challenge, and Simon says, "No offense, Bre, but a crotch-length denim skirt is not the last word in preppy attire." Okay, this is the best game of Simon Says ever. He is just the right mix of sophistication and vulgarity. Simon interviews, "So many models today walk around dressed like hoochie dancers, and they need to be a little more conservative than they usually are." I want Simon saying "hoochie dancers" over and over again to be my cell phone ring.
, Simon welcomes the girls to the angry, crazy, maniacal world of punk. He says that punk was actually very violent, and that there were girls wearing garbage bags and safety pins through their cheeks. Then, the best thing happens. Simon asks who was instructed to dress punk. Jayla, with smug satisfaction, raises her hand and we get full view of her denim Capri pants and Chuck Taylors. Frightfully punk! Simon says, "Oh, it's the Japanese schoolgirl on the end," and laughs, because even with no context, he knows his audience. Jayla, however, does not laugh. Simon tells her that her look is a bit "prissy punk," and interviews that Jayla was a complete disaster as a punk. To this I say, "Ha!"
it is time to go stark raving mod. Simon says that he knows a lot about mod, but that there's someone who knows a hell of a lot more than he does. Hmmm. I wonder who it could be, and I have absolutely no clue, given the gigantic poster of Twiggy behind him. He introduces "the creator of it all, the epicenter of mod," Twiggy. ["Somewhere, Mary Quant is like, 'Uh, HELLO?!'" -- Wing Chun] Twiggy emerges, wearing a newsboy cap, and looking particularly "Olivia Newton-John chic." Nik interviews that she knows she's a mod failure, which is particularly humiliating since Twiggy is also a judge. Twiggy says, "Oh dear," at Nik's look. Twiggy says that any girl can be mod, and notes that the great thing is that original mod clothes are available if you forage in secondhand shops. She actually says the word "forage," as you would do for nuts and berries. She tells the girls to think big bellbottoms, mini mini mini-skirts, tiny little jumpers, and flat chests. As an A-cup, I love mod.
Simon and Twiggy tell the girls that it's time to hit the road, because they have four go-sees, and for each one, they have to dress in the designer's corresponding style. For PPQ, they'll be mod; for Robert Cary-Williams, they'll dress punk; for Ashley Isham, they'll dress Bollywood; and for Ben Sherman, they'll be preppy. The designers will evaluate each girl on her knowledge of style, her general appearance, and her portfolio. They each get 150 to shop in Spitalfield's Market. Twiggy voices over in an exceptionally fake, recorded-after-the-fact way that the winner of this challenge will get a hundred frames on her shoot; the more frames you have on the shoot, the more chances you'll have to impress the judges. Nik says that all of the girls are having panic attacks, which I think is better than the razor blade attack from Bre they fear while they sleep.