So it would seem that the entire New England Patriots organization evaporated, condensed, and then fell as rain all over James Yokley, Jr. (23, Lynn MA). And it was an acid rain, too, or else how do you explain the jeans he's wearing? James has nicknamed himself "Ghost," even though the chyron will eventually disagree. Ghost is thugged-out and patriotic, and also a whiter shade of pale, which I don't even think is all that notable anymore in 2006, since there are officially more thugged-out white kids than thugged-out black kids in America. Which is why this whole Kanye West trend of popped collars and fratty "I just discovered Ray Charles and he was awesome on In Living Color" trend is so fantastic, to me. Anyway. For as hard as Ghost projects, he's actually really meek when he gets up in front of the judges. He marble-mouths a lot, but what he says boils down to, "I know you guys don't go for rap music, but I think it's beautiful, and I'd like an opportunity to show you that." And he can't say "melodic." So, of course, he raps this one line over and over again about "them soldiers from the U.S.A.," and at one point Paula turns to Simon and places her hand over her heart, which was probably a nod to the patriotism of it all, but could also be read as affection for this poor clueless kid. The judges like him enough to let him try actually singing "Lean on Me," and as Paula notes, it's not as horrific as you'd expect it to be. But it's still bad. Bye, Ghost! You're everything that usually annoys me, but I liked you!
All this talk of patriotism lets Ryan segue us to Ayla Brown (17, Wrentham MA), who sings national anthems at football games and has a state senator for a dad. She also has a local news anchor for a mom, which isn't so much "patriotic" as "unfortunate." Ayla played basketball in high school, and played it well enough to earn a full basketball scholarship to Boston College. Which is pretty great, if you ask me. Considering how much B.C. cost when I applied there a thousand years ago, I'm thinking basketball has served this girl well. Ayla's whole back-story is this "basketball or singing, how ever will I choose?" thing, which as hooks go I prefer to "my dad's on drugs" or "my throat has a hole in it," mostly because it's about how she's working out the choices she's made for herself, not how she's struggling to overcome the harsh hand fate dealt her. Because this way, if we don't like her, we don't have to be on the same side as the forces that, like, killed her mom.
What happens here is, there's a huge disconnect between what I thought was going to occur and what did occur. Ayla was one of the big pre-season pimpees. Every time you turned around, you saw that damn clip of her singing the national anthem. The tendency with these select few is: huge back-story, decent-but-not-amazing audition, and the judges glossing over everything to pass them on. So, I figured Ayla's audition would be okay, but the praise would be effusive from at least one judge. She sings "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," and here's the thing: I really liked her voice. It's loud, but not shouty. It's clear, and it's free of any trills or frills or anything. It's strong, I think. The judges are impressed, but not overly. Specifically, Paula actually asks for more bells and whistles, which I found maddening. This could all just be constructive criticism because they want her to be even better come Hollywood, but I also got the impression that AI has gotten wise to the whole "chosen one" theory and are specifically presenting Ayla as "the over-hyped one." Which is arbitrary and unfair if you ask me, but nobody is. Simon in particular gives Ayla pretty much the Carrie rundown, which goes as follows: "robotic, well-groomed, cute, good voice, empty." To what end they're doing this -- if they even are, lord knows I could just as likely be wanking this to high heaven -- I am not sure, but this girl is totally my grassy knoll for the season, however long she may last. So Ayla and the judges then get into it with the singing v. hoops macro-arc, and she's like, "I will do them both for as long as I can," which I totally respect because, again, B.C. tuition ain't cheap, even if your parents are local celebrities. She's got the poise (and the jaw, let's face it) of a high-level athlete, which the judges pick up on. Oh, and she's going to Hollywood, duh.