RevCam gains a new appreciation for life. Mary sucks at Trigonometry. Matt has trouble with his girl. Simon shaves. Lucy figures out what she is going to do for the rest of her life. Ruthie gives annoying commentary. Mr. Stupidhead takes a bath with a plugged-in toaster.
We start in the kitchen at Ma Camden's Family Feedbag, where the family has just finished supper, and are clearing their plates. Ruthie of Unknown Origin enters and asks SuperMom whether the family is going to be "eating like this every night." SuperMom replies, "Like what?" "Like fish." "Yes. Did you like it?" Ruthie (as Simon enters): "It was very delicious, in a way." Then SuperMom goes off on some diatribe about the semantics of the word "delicious," and makes very close to NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Anyhow, by the time SuperMom has ended her speech, The Dynamic Duo has entered, and SuperMom asks them what they thought about the evening's entrée, to which they respond, "Loved it." Mary: "Now can we go get a burger and fries?" Lucy: "We're starving." SuperMom tosses them the keys, and the Dynamic Duo is off (to fight crime or something). Ruthie and Simon follow. Matt enters (just missing the party train) with the babies and SuperMom asks him if he got enough to eat at dinner. He says he did, but he ate before he came to dinner. Enter RevCam, seemingly in a state of awe and wonderment, who says, "What a wonderful meal. Maybe the best meal I've ever had in my life." SuperMom: "That's what you said last night. And the night before." RevCam: "No, really. The fish was just the right texture. It was flaky, moist, succulent. I feel as though I was dining in a deep blue sea surrounded by love." And you thought the fish was flaky? Whatever. After this monologue, he approaches SuperMom and plants a fat juicy kiss on her. Matt looks as though he might hurl. After the kiss, RevCam announces his belief that "life is beautiful" and exits. Matt: "Maybe a little too beautiful?" SuperMom: "Yeah." Matt: "Hungry?" SuperMom: "A burrito supreme and a churro. Don't be long." Matt books his booty outta there, and we fade to the opening credits. But before we do, could someone tell Ruthie to shut up for me? Thanks. 'Preciate it.
Car commercials piss me off.
Morning at the Camden abode, where we hear singing. Apparently, the rest of the family thinks it's a bit early for singing; even Happy is whimpering. Ruthie walks into the master bedroom, where SuperMom is also trying to catch some Z's despite the caterwauling from the kitchen. Ruthie: "He's singing again. He never used to sing." SuperMom: "It's okay. Your father's just happy, so he's sharing that happiness daytime, nighttime, all the time! Anyway, let's just get under the covers and see if we can't sleep another minute or two." So they both get cozy under the blankets, and the singing, which has ceased for a moment, begins again. Ruthie and SuperMom both slap their hands against their foreheads. Simon slips on a banana peel, and Mary and Lucy do a tap routine. Just kidding.
Cut to RevCam in the kitchen, juicing fruit and singing, "Do Lord, oh, do Lord, oh, do remember me," all while on the phone. Cut to Matt's dirty-ass new apartment where he and John are searching frantically for the ringing phone. When Matt finally finds and answers it, the line is dead. Matt: "They hung up again!" John: "Man, when I find out who keeps calling here..." Matt: "What happened to the alarm? I gotta get to work!" John thinks they need to clean the apartment when Matt gets back. Yeah, sure. Anyway, back to the kitchen at Casa Camden, where Annie is asking Eric why he is up so early. He tells her that he was calling Matt, just to check up. Annie tells him that he needs to stay off the phone, it'll make him build up stress again, blah blah blah heart attack. RevCam: "I'm not stressed. Life gave me a second chance, now I'm gonna give life a second chance. Wanna dance?" Annie obliges, exasperated, and they waltz past a bewildered (but still annoying) Ruthie, who gazes at her parents dancing, then once again slaps herself on the forehead before leaving. Shut up, Ruthie.
In the hallway, Ruthie bumps into Simon and announces, "I can't take anymore of this happiness. I want Dad to go back to normal so that I can sleep." Simon: "Eventually things will go back to normal, but until then, I'm the man of the house. Now, did you do your homework?" At this, Ruthie shoots Simon a death glare. Simon: "I just want to check your homework like Dad would if he weren't supposed to be resting." Simon, don't be such a butthole. And Ruthie...oh, forget it.
Simon finds his way to the kitchen, where RevCam and SuperMom are feeding the twins. Simon tells RevCam that he'll finish feeding the babies, because RevCam is supposed to be meditating. RevCam tells Simon that he'll do it later, when it will be quieter around the house. Simon tells him that the "challenge" of meditation is to do it when it's noisy, and if noise is Eric's excuse, he'll never get around to doing it. RevCam sees his point and leaves, as I would, but only because if I had to look at Simon's whining mug any longer, I'd probably end up bending him backwards and chafing his ass with his own hair. Oops -- did I say that?
Up to the Dynamic Duo, getting ready to go to school. Lucy: "Did you get your math quiz signed?" Mary: "No, but I'm going to ask Dad right now." Lucy: "Wait. We're not supposed to upset him. Why don't you just ask Mom?" Mary: "Because right now, Dad is unupsetable [sic]." Lucy: "But should you be taking advantage of his...his...his..." Mary: "His post-heart-attack insanity?" Lucy: "If you want to call it that." Mary: "Well, Mom said it wouldn't last, so we might as well enjoy it while it's here. Wanna come?" Lucy: "Why not. Even if it is post-heart-attack insanity, he's still Dad, and you're still you, so this should be fun." Yeah. Fun. Maybe after a fifth of Stoli.
To the RevCave, where RevCam is sitting in the lotus position and breathing slowly. Lucy and Mary enter, and Mary shows RevCam her test, which has clearly gotten a low mark. RevCam gives a minor speech about Mary's interests and achievements, the irrelevance of trigonometry, and the socio-political effects of free market economy, and ends with, "Life is deeper, more meaningful, and more complex than you can imagine. Now, if I let you off with just signing this test and not telling you how important you are to me, how important it is for you to have good grades and more importantly, a good mind, then I would be missing out on some kind of parental bliss." "Parental bliss"? Oh, man. I hate to say it, but shut up, RevCam. You're getting annoying.
And we're BACK to the kitchen, where Simon, Lucy, and SuperMom are sitting down to breakfast. Simon asks Lucy if she did her homework, and she tells him to mind his own business. Word, Lucy. Simon: "Well, I'm gonna round up the other kids as soon as I shave." Mr. Stupidhead: "'Kids'? 'Shave'? BWA HA HA!" Lucy: "'Shave'?" SuperMom: "When did you start shaving?" Simon: "When Dad came home from the hospital." Lucy tries not to burst out laughing, but lets a few snorts loose. Upon hearing this, Simon gets pissed and leaves. Mary and RevCam enter, and RevCam begins another speech about human connection ("as in the opposite of alienation"). He then tells the Dynamic Duo that while they're at school today, he wants them to "enlist the assistance of someone they had previously alienated." The Dynamic Duo exchanges a "wha-da-fuh?" glance as RevCam goes on to tell them to spread the word to the other siblings. Matt enters, announces he only has fifteen minutes until class, sees RevCam, and bolts upstairs faster than you can say "hot pants." Hot pants. Yep! That fast!
Up in the bathroom, Matt walks in on Simon shaving. Matt then laughs at Simon for shaving. Mr. Stupidhead laughs at Simon for shaving. Simon then cuts himself, whimpers, and says to his reflection, "No crying. Man of the house." Judging by the look on Happy's face, she thinks this whole thing is as ridiculous as I do.
Perfume is for your mother. I feel like busting loose. Juice Bar smells like fun, fun, fun. I'll bet it smells more like my, fat, ass.
Great. We're at school with The Dynamic Duo. As Mary approaches Lucy, she smacks some girl on the ass. Whatever. She asks Lucy what she's up to, to which Lucy responds, "I'm trying to connect with some alienated people, but I can't find any." Mary suggests that Lucy can do something for her, because she leaves Lucy out of her life all the time. Then she makes an awkward hand gesture, trying to imitate RevCam but failing because she is not funny. She then tells Lucy that she needs someone to warm up with for basketball. Lucy: "Well, I haven't felt the 'alienation,' so I don't want the 'connection'." Mary: "Well, you don't even have basketball. You don't have anything. So year, you're gonna be a senior, and you're gonna have to figure out what college you're going to, and how you're going to pay for it, and I hope no one helps you with whatever it is you decide you want to do with your life." Lucy: "Okay, okay. If it means that much to you." Mary: "Forget it. You're better off deciding what it is you want to do in life." Hmmm. Yeah.
And we're at college, where Matt is telling John about his father's assignment for the day. Matt thinks it's bollocks, but John thinks RevCam may be on to something. It seems that John has been looking for a way to make up with Matt's girlfriend, Shana, because he knows that she isn't happy about the two of them moving in together so abruptly. Matt: "Well, here's your chance. Here she comes." Enter Shana (or Chickenhead, the first word that comes to mind when I see her), who embraces Matt as he tells her, "I have to run." Matt takes off, and Shana yells "OKAY! Run! Have a good day! I'll talk to you later, when you have time for me between your job and your new apartment." Well, I guess I can cross that off my "if you missed last week's episode" checklist. Not. Any old cow, Shana and John stand awkwardly for a moment, and then John asks, "I was wondering if you could help me with something." Shana: "Yeah, probably." John: "Well, I'm new here, I'm still kind of lost. You think you have some time to take a walk, show me around?" Shana: "Yeah. I guess. I'll take a walk with you." Mr. Stupidhead: "[Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.]"
Back at 7th Heaven High, we see The Fonz strolling thr...oops. My bad, sorry. It's Simon, and he's carrying a huge pile of books. Because the pile is so large and heavy and Simon is so small and stringy, he cannot see over the books, and he bumps into a large, bully type. Bully Boy does not look amused. Simon: "I'm sorry. I'm doing a little research on hereditary diseases, and cholesterol, and hearts and stuff. My dad just had a heart attack." At this, Bully Boy gives Simon a hey-I've-been-there-so-I-won't-give-this-kid-such-a-hard-time look and offers to help Simon lug the books over to his locker. Simon looks relieved, and says, "Normally I'm up to carrying a load of books. But now that I'm the man of the house, I've got three sisters and six-month-old twins to take care of. So, I've got to admit, I'm a little worn out." When they get to Simon's locker, Bully Boy asks Simon if his father actually died, and Simon tells him that no, actually, it was a mild heart attack, and RevCam's just "taking it easy for a while. I'm just filling in." To this, Bully Boy replies, "That's all? What are you, a wimp? Stop complaining and buck up, kid!" First, word, Bully Boy -- set that little brat straight. Second, shut up, Simon. Third, "buck up"?
La Casa. Happy is sitting at the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rings. SuperMom appears (carrying laundry, of course), and opens the door to reveal none other than "GRRRRAAAAACE," otherwise known as Mr. Rooney's secretary from Ferris Bueller, not to mention Mrs. Poole from whatever the hell show that was ("The Hogan Family. Someone shoot me for knowing that." -- Sars). SuperMom isn't nearly as excited to see Edie McClurg on her doorstep as I am. She looks rather vexed, actually, probably because of the large sign on the front door that reads, "Please DO NOT ring BELL." Also, this lady is apparently a huge gossip in the town. She just wants to know if RevCam is feeling better and if she can do anything to help out around the house, maybe dig up a little dirt to tell the ladies at the bridge game on Monday night. SuperMom isn't having any of her, and more or less slams the door in her face.
In the living room, RevCam is sitting. Now he's standing. Now he's sitting again. He's amazed by how the human body just knows how to do these things. Mr. Stupidhead isn't particularly impressed.
Nighttime in the kitchen. SuperMom is peeling something with the lights on. Now the lights are on. Now the lights are off. Now the lights are on again. Annie again looks irked. She looks over to find -- as I'm sure you've guessed by now -- RevCam at the light switch. He remarks, "You know, electricity is an amazing technology." Annie, exasperated: "Amazing!" Mary comes in, and the Rev wants to know if she wants help with her homework. Annie: "No, that's okay, I'll help her." Mary gives the Rev a well-she-seems-to-really-want-to look, and he splits. Mary then gives SuperMom a thanks-Mom-why-is-Dad-acting-like-such-a-stoner? look.
What the hell? Why do I have bite-marks on my ankles? Oh, it's Ruthie -- and she is ROCKIN'! Seriously, Ruthie is rocking out in her room to some really heavy tunes. She's dancing and prancing, twisting and turning, and even though she hasn't said anything yet, I'm going to tell her to shut up once just for good measure. Ruthie, shut up. So Simon barges into her room, shuts off the music, and informs her that she needs to take a bath. She claims, "I did," but Simon noticed that her towels were surprisingly dry for someone who just took a bath. ("He felt her towels? Dude, get a life." -- Sars) Ruthie: "You're starting to get on my nerves." I see her point, but still, shut up, Ruthie. Pissed at having to take a bath (I remember feeling that way), Ruthie storms out of the room as Lucy enters. She wants advice. From Simon. Whatever. Simon says, "Fire away, Lucy." Mr. Stupidhead says, "Don't mind if I do, Simon," as he steadies his Cougar Magnum. Lucy doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, so Simon offers, "Well, in the past, what has made you the most confident and happy with who you are?" From the look on Lucy's face, he deducts that she's thinking, "Boys." Lucy: "Big help. I could have told me that." Like, ha ha. Not (tm Sars). And furthermore, "Boys?" I'm sorry, I don't care what anybody says -- I know for a fact that the last things that high school boys make high school girls feel are "confident and happy." But you never know, maybe in 7th Heaven-land. So Lucy leaves, and Matt comes in just to make fun of Simon some more. He says "Hey! I think you got a five-o'clock shadow there, pal! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Matt and Ruthie in the bathroom. Ruthie doesn't have to take a bath. Lucy comes in and asks Matt the same question she asked Simon about what she should do with her life.
Ruthie rubs it in Simon's face that "Matt said I didn't have to take a bath. HA ha ha HA HA." Simon's pissed, so he runs into the bathroom to see what in the Sam Hill is going on there and finds Lucy talking with Matt, which for some reason makes him even more uppity. He demands to know why Matt let Ruthie get out of taking her bath (whatever), and why Lucy is talking to Matt. Lucy: "We're talking about my future, if you don't mind." Simon: "I do mind." Lucy: "Listen, poohead. Just because you were in Phenemenon doesn't mean you can boss us around!" Actually, she says: "Well, that's too bad, because Matt might actually be helpful." Ouch. Simon's outta there. Lucy and Matt continue their discussion. Matt thinks Lucy should consider technical school, because she's good with her hands, and there are a lot of guys at technical school. Lucy doesn't appreciate this comment, nor Mr. Stupidhead this scene.
Mary and SuperMom, trying to do Trigonometry. Mom can't remember how to do it, and Mary is impatient. Mary: "I need Dad!" SuperMom: "We all need Dad, but Dad needs to rest. And you're attitude isn't helping. I'll be back in a minute."
Outside. RevCam, lying on a picnic table. Matt walks up. Banter about the day. Matt tells the Rev that he passed along the Rev's advice about alienation to John and that he's trying it out with Shana. The Rev seems pleased by this, and tells his son that he loves him. Matt tells the Rev the same, and they share a nice moment. Matt leaves, the Rev begins singing again, and Mr. Stupidhead realizes that the nice moment has passed.
Inside, SuperMom is being pestered by every child except Matt while trying to put the twins down and talk on the phone at the same time. Ruthie thinks the Rev is insane, Lucy is freaked about her future, Mary wants to know if they are done with their homework jam-session, and Simon is pissed because Lucy won't "leave Mom alone. I'm the man of the house!"
Then we return to RevCam2: A Cappella Bugaloo, who is still singing that damn song. Oh, well, at least it's time for a commercial.
Now we're at Matt's new pad, where John and Chickenhead have just finished cleaning up. Aw, isn't that nice? They made friends! Matt enters, carrying laundry, and asks, "What's this?" Chickenhead: "This is what your apartment looks like when it's clean!" Matt looks suspicious and says, "This is great. Thanks." John has to get a paycheck, and Chickenhead has a late shift at work, so they both split, leaving Matt to wonder if John is rogering his girlfriend.
Back to La Casa De Camden, where Mary and SuperMom are both sobbing at the kitchen table. Neither of them can figure out the trig homework, and they have both become hysterical. Through frustrated tears, Mary asks, "What am I supposed to do?" SuperMom: "Maybe we can get you a tutor?" Mary wails, "We can't afford a tutor." SuperMom moans, "I know. They have a free program after school." Mary: "I have basketball after school." SuperMom: "But basketball's not more important than math." Mary: "Yeah, it is. And I hate ma-a-a-ath!" SuperMom: "Me, too. Let's go to bed." And so they do, still crying and snuffling. This scene was hilarious, and well acted by both Ms. Biel and Ms. Hicks. Props to them both.
We see Annie getting in to bed, still a bit misty-eyed. RevCam asks if she's been crying, to which she says, "Yes," but, not wanting to upset the Rev in his "weakened" condition, tells him, "We're just so happy you're alive." Good save, Ma. Then we see Ruthie standing in the doorway of the master bedroom. She looks at the camera and says, "This is a nuthouse." Mr. Stupidhead looks back and says, "Oh, you'll get yours. Just wait until the 'Ruthie's Mysterious Parentage Finally Revealed' Episode -- then you'll see."
It's morning again at La Casa, and once again the doorbell rings, despite the sign on the door. I mean, come ON, people! SuperMom answers the door, frantic. It's "GRACE!" (tm Ed Rooney), and she wants to know if there's anything she could do to help the Rev and SuperMom. Grace: "I heard there was some sort of disturbance last night." SuperMom: "Who said there was a disturbance?" Grace: "Oh, it was Mrs. Norwood. But by nine o'clock, you know, she gets a little tipsy." Wink wink, nudge nudge. SuperMom: "Mrs. Beeker [Ah, so that's her name!], I don't gossip, and I don't like gossips." Take that! And that! Not. Chastened by this outburst, Mrs. Beeker meekly wishes the Rev a speedy recovery. SuperMom apologizes, and Mrs. Beeker asks if she's all right. SuperMom: "If I weren't, would you tell the whole nieghborhood?" Mrs. Beeker: "You know, Annie, sometimes people gossip because they're trying to make a friend. And I'm afraid I am entirely guilty of making friends in the wrong way. Well, you don't need a nosy neighbor lady to share your weary load. Do you?" SuperMom: "It's just, I don't have much time to talk." Mrs. Beeker: "Of course not! There's probably laundry, and ironing, and cooking. All of my favorite things to do." Word. She's in. Once the women have both come indoors, RevCam appears, and seems pretty amped to see Mrs. Beeker. He even gives her a peck on the cheek. He then announces that he's going to see "how the spider's doing on her web. You know how the light plays on it? It just, it's kind of like a work of art. Magnificent." And he's gone. SuperMom breaks the awkward silence with, "There's a spiderweb under the picnic table. The same table he was lying on when he woke up the neighborhood singing." Mrs. Beeker: "Yes, but we don't want to talk about that. Now put me to work, sister. I am at your service." I don't care much for gossip myself (at least not in a suburban-housewife kind of way), but Mrs. Beeker definitely rules.
Back at 7th Heaven High, where Lucy is talking to some girls who do work for Habitat For Humanity. They inform Lucy that they are excited someone of Lucy's "B-list" status has taken an interest in Habitat. Lucy didn't know that she was considered "B-list" material. They establish that they will see one another after school, and the awkward teenage girls leave. Lucy heads to her locker, where a pretty girl asks her if she "want[s] some advice?" Lucy: "Sure." Random Chica: "You were very close to the A-list when you went out with Jordan last year. I'd hate to see you blow it." Lucy: "Listen, you bitch. Either you back off, or I'll shove my pinky so far up your nose that I'll scratch your brain!" Actually: "Hi, I'm Lucy." Girl: "I'm Jan." Lucy: "I take it you're on the A-list." In response, Jan makes an "um, like, yah" face. Lucy continues, "I appreciate the advice. I appreciate it in that I appreciate your talking to me, me being on the B-list and all. But those women are doing something that is so cool, and I'm going to have to take a chance on blowing it. Besides, B-list is more than I've ever aspired to, so see ya." Nice. I think the situation was handled well by Lucy, as was the scene by Beverly Mitchell.
Matt's pad. He's calling Chickenhead, but he gets her answering machine. When he hangs up, Chickenhead shows up with John. Matt is not pleased. Chickenhead: "Is something wrong?" Matt: "No. Nothing's wrong. I'm glad the two of you have so much time for each other." John makes an oh-so-that's-how-it-is face and goes to get ready for work. Chickenhead: "I thought you'd be happy that John and I were getting along. I had felt kind of left out." Matt: "Well, guess who's feeling left out now?" Mr. Stupidhead: "Shut up, the botha youse!"
At 7th Heaven High, Simon bumps into Bully Boy again. Bully Boy asks how the "man of the house" gig is treating Simon. Simon confides that it isn't really working, and that nobody pays him any mind. After pointing out a shaving cut on Simon's face, Bully Boy explains that he's been there, and that when his dad died, he cried a lot. Then he and his mom went to see RevCam, who told him he could "cry, and still be a man. I can get my feelings hurt, and be a man. Because men do have feelings." Then a friend of Bully Boys comes up and says, "Come on, Wimpy. We got practice." Bully Boy: "Wimpy's my nickname. Eh, what do I care?" All right, Wimpy. Whatever you say, Wimpy. See you later, Wimpy. What do you care, WIMPY?
So Matt pulls up in the Penismobile, accompanied by Ruthie. Simon asks, "Where's Mom?" Matt: "Mom's busy, and Mary's got practice." Simon then submits a verbal query as to the whereabouts of Lucy, and Matt tells him she's on a secret adventure. Simon becomes peeved because he wasn't informed. Simon: "I should've found out." Matt: "Why, little man? What difference does it make?" Heh heh. Simon: "All right, that's it. Get out of the car." Ruthie: "Oh, boy! Brother against brother. Not since the Civil War!" CAN'T SOMEONE PLEASE TELL RUTHIE TO SHUT UP? Matt: "Why -- you planning on beating me up?" Simon: "No, I plan on telling you off! Now get out and take it like a man." Damn. Them's fightin' words. Not. Ruthie: "If there's gonna be a fight, I want to jump in like a woman. Specifically, Xena." Nice plug, o Almighty Bigwigs at the WB. Outside the car, Simon blah blah upset blah blah man of the house blah blah blah undermining my authority (?) blah blah laughed at me when I was shaving blah blah hurt my feelings blah blah blah couscous. Matt says he feels terrible, and they hug -- and cry -- in front of all of Simon's peers. Think he's got problems now? Just wait until the "Simon Goes Through Changes" episode. Anyway, to end this scene, Ruthie states, "God save my soul. When are things going back to normal?" Meanwhile, in New York City, Mr. Stupidhead calls his Uncle Vinnie in the Cayman Islands to see if something can't be done about the "Ruthie Situation."
In the kitchen, Mary and Mrs. Beeker are sharing a chuckle. Mrs. B: "You see?" Mary, sheepishly: "I feel like such a dope." Mrs. B: "Well, you shouldn't. It's just that no one has ever explained trigonometry to you in a way that made sense. Oh, no offense to the Reverend or your mom." During this interaction, Lucy comes in to get something from the fridge, and literally does a double-take when she sees Mrs. B. Lucy: "What's going on?" Mary: "Mrs. Beeker's helping me with my homework." Mrs. B: "I left you a plate in the microwave, dessert's in the fridge." Mary, in a sultry voice: "Lemon meringue." Mmmmmmmm, lemon meringue (tm Homer J.). Mrs. B rules. Mary and Lucy get into a discussion about Lucy's experience with Habitat for Humanity. Mary: "So you're going to work for Habitat for Humanity for the rest of your life?" Lucy: "I hope so. I want to design and build low-income housing, and volunteer whatever time I have while I'm learning to do that." Mary is proud of Lucy, but Lucy owes it all to Mary for giving her the push. As they hug, Mrs. B reenters and says, "Oh, I love this family," then exits. Lucy: "You know she's going to tell the whole town that you're not good at math." Mary: "I don't care, though. I'd rather the whole world know than do homework with Mom again." She's got a point.
Ruthie's room. Simon's just checking in to see if Ruthie's made friends at school. Apparently she did. This is irrelevant. Ruthie: "Wanna color?" Simon: "No." Ruthie: "Too girly for you?" Simon: "Yeah." Simon exits. Ruthie: "But you don't mind crying like a baby. Go figure." I can't believe I'm about to say this, but word. And, shut up.
At the pad, Matt runs in to John, who's on his way out to meet a friend. Matt wonders suspiciously who it is, to which John replies, "It's not Shana, OKAY?" Matt: "Whatever." John: "Whatever." Mr. S: "Whatever, indeed!" Matt: "Look, I'm sorry. I can't help it. I don't get to see her enough, and I resent the two of you spending so much time together. Why'd you two have to become friends, anyway?" John says he was just following RevCam's advice, and "besides, why are you wasting your time worrying about me and Shana when there are plenty of guys out there who aren't your best friend talking to her day and night. Think about it. I'm not your competition." He leaves, and pops his head in again to say, "And you've got nothing to worry about. The girl loves you, man." At this, Chickenhead herself appears behind John's shoulders and says "Good night, John." He's outta there. Shana and Matt now have some "alone time." Now, they pork (tm National Lampoon's European Vacation).
Speaking of people about to pork, cut to the bathtub with Eric and Annie, discussing Eric's experience during his heart attack. Eric describes what he saw as a series of photographs of himself, THE COLONEL, and all of his forefathers. But the pictures depicted things he had never himself been able to see, such as "THE COLONEL rushing in to see me when I was born." RevCam also saw "men doing good. Men being kind. Men working hard, helping others. Men struggling through their tears. Men laughing. Men celebrating being men. I woke up feeling stronger than ever, better than ever, more confident than ever because we are all the good things that all those that have gone before us are, and all the bad things fall away." Annie: "That's beautiful." Mr. Stupidhead: "Well, I'm glad that's out of the way." RevCam wonders aloud about his fascination with floating soap, and I assume, because we're now fading to an exterior shot of the house in the morning, that now they too are going to pork. Ugh. ("I really hope, for their sakes, that they use birth control." -- Sars)
Breakfast time with the ladies of the house, where SuperMom is telling Lucy that she thinks Habitat for Humanity is a fine establishment. Lucy: "I was hoping you could teach me some practical skills." SuperMom: "I'll be happy to teach my children anything I know." Mary: "Except trigonometry." SuperMom: "No. No trigonometry." They all chuckle. Ruthie: "Well, things are practically back to normal." Lucy: "What do you mean by practically?" Ruthie points upstairs, where we see RevCam, Matt, and Simon all huddled around the bathroom mirror, shaving. Simon cracks wise about Matt missing a spot, and they all chuckle as Kenny G brings us to the closing credits.